Obama:
Good evening my fellow long-suffering Americans
I want to tell you we getting the hell out of the nightmare that is Iraq and we can finally focus
on the endless misery in America
Audience: woo
Now listen up world: we’re still America and we may have acted like idiots but don’t fuck with us!
World: ok ok
Ok now you all know that the result of the war is thousands of Americans were killed and wounded and our international relations were ruined -- but hey good news - our soldiers are the best in the fucking world! Give it up for our troops!
Audience: yay
Tonight I am announcing that the killing phase of our war in Iraq is finally over! Jesus Allah that was one sucky war!
We’ve moved 100,000 troops and all their shit out of Iraq.
And how about those Iraqi troops?! In took 7 years but they finally learned how to fight!
Audience: whee
Iraqis are even holding fair elections
- hey we should try that!
Audience: golf clap
Now don’t worry - we’re not leaving Iraq! We’re going to advise them on fighting and of course we’re protect our “civilians” - I sent Joe Biden there to remind them America never leaves - we just annoy other countries in new and different ways!
World: I hear that
Only Iraqis can police their streets! Well them
and Blackwater.
We paid a really high price to invade Iraq and dammit we should get something out of it!
That war really divided America but let’s not argue about who lied to who about a war
Today I spoke with former President Bush - and let me just say it was a very interesting conversation
Ok the man is stupid
Audience: true
Now is not the time to fight amongst ourselves - Osama is hiding in a cave somewhere threatening Americans!
Now we are going on the motherfuckin offense! We’re going to kick some Taliban ass!! Surge, fuckers!
Audience: USA!
But then we gotta get the hell out of there - look I’m no fool and open ended war is a one-ticket to disaster. Christ we can’t just invade every place where we’re not loved. I mean we don’t have enough troops to occupy France anyway
Audience: damm
Speaking of Bush disasters, as you know we neglected infrastructure, manufacturing, education, the debt, and the economy for 10 years.
Audience: bummer
Our soldiers fought for 10 years in fucking deserts and y’all waved flags and put magnets on your cars - but are you white people willing to work put this country back together??
Audience: ummm
Well it’s time to get to work, pay our taxes and serve our veterans! Like, mental health care, new limbs and yes even a college education -- did you know my white grandpa fought in WWII? Yes he did and he was not a muslim! Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Over 4,000 Americans were killed in Iraq which last time I checked is more than died on 9/11. That’s some pretty whacked-out-shit isn’t it? Ok, so no fancy surrender ceremony, sorry. This address is all you get. But I love you soldiers - you are the steel in our ship of state and the wind beneath my wings. Love ya!
Goodnight white fuckers!
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Meet the Press from New Orleans - August 29, 2010
Guests:
Sen. Mary Landrieu (D-La.)
Mayor Mitch Landrieu (D-N.O.)
Actor Brad Pitt
Radio host Garland Robinette
Author Douglas Brinkley
Actor Wendell Pierce
******************
Williams: Hi the Hurricane anniversary is too important to leave to that Dancin Dave Gregory -
it requires the most insufferably pompous man in television
Audience: yay
Williams: I’m here with U.S. Senator Mary Landrieu and baseball great Cal Ripken
Mitch: no I’m Mitch Landrieu
Williams: who the hell is that?
Mitch: I’m the Mayor of New Orleans
Williams: no shit
Mitch: yep
Williams: We got Nothin’ but Landrieus!
Williams: was it a natural disaster?
Mitch: this was a man-made disaster - the motherfuckin levees broke!
Williams: why should anyone give a shit about
your city?
Mitch: we have the greatest culture in America
Williams: well thank god we have a white Mayor again - you guys are the Cajun Camelot!
Mitch: boo ya!
Williams: you’re white so you’re blameless right?
Mary: the hurricane was great opportunity to remake South Louisiana - the nation has been looting this area for decades!
Williams: George Bush said he would do what it would whatever it takes to fix New Orleans
Mary: unsurprisingly that turned out to be total bullshit
Williams: but Mississippi did great
Mary: Haley Barbour may claim that but that isn’t true either
Williams: Mitch would you ever walk in black neighborhood without a bodyguard and an
armored car?
Mitch: sure I do it all the time
Williams: you’re kidding
Mitch: no really
Williams: Katrina was the best thing ever to happen to the schools of New Orleans
Mitch: well that’s not well put but it’s nice that
FEMA rebuilt every school
Williams: people in the U.S. think y’all is crazy because your state was soaked in oil and your first reaction is ‘let’s keep drilling!’
Mary: [ puts down cell phone ]
Sorry I was checking with the oil companies
before formulating my answer
Williams: what did they tell you to say
Mary: Oil companies are the loveliest best most sincere people on earth
Williams: I see
Williams: Please bash President Obama for me
Mitch: no he did a great job - BP was outrageously irresponsible
Williams: ok please bash Ray Nagin for me
Mitch: look the levees broke and Bush let us down - the rest is irrelevant
Williams: Glen Beck got 300,000 people to ask god to stop by and say hello
Mary: that moron may not know that God has always blessed America and his hate government agenda is fucking stupid
Williams: what do the Saints winning the Superbowl mean to New Orleans
Mitch: now that was God talking Brian -
it was redemption and resurrection!
Williams: Brad you’re a big star - why are you here
Pitt: I love the smell
Williams: what else
Pitt: it’s got verve
Williams: you’re building homes but what if they
get destroyed again?
Pitt: the homes are safe but the levees could
still break
Williams: well that seems like a problem
Pitt: it’s up to the Corps of Engineers
Williams: but they fucked up in the first place
Pitt: true
Williams: BP is so wonderful they took your slogan
Pitt: god I hate those dastardly thieving motherfuckers
Williams: are these Green houses
Pitt: it’s the Greenest area in the whole world -
they produce more energy than they use
Williams: ironic they don’t need the oil they despoil their state to provide for everyone else
Pitt: right
Williams: what happened here 5 years ago?
Robinette: we saw America reduced to a third-world nation it was mind boggling
Williams: I asked George Bush about this and he said you can call me anything you want-
Audience: oh good
Williams: but he said don’t call me a racist
Audience: stupid, incompetent, dishonest?
Bush [at home, drunk]: aw c’mon Robby I did a heckofa job!
Robniette: you can’t deliver food and water to trapped Americans - it doesn’t make any goddam sense!
Williams: it does seem like something you wouldn’t see on the Vineyard
Robinette: we’re the canary in the coal mine - America we are your future - look on us and despair!
Williams: Wendell you come from black neighborhood with a low crime rate - it’s amazing
Pierce: the rebuilding is like a grassroots
Marshall Plan
Brinkley: don’t forget Mississippi
Williams: Hey I passed over Mississippi
Williams: David what is New Orleans?
Brinkley: this is a great historic city but let’s not overstate the case - it’s mostly criminals, cancer
and corruption
Williams: but the Saints!
Brinkley: fuck that - you need to save the wetlands and end the third-world mentality that pervades this place
Robinette: hey America - you want to pay $5 a gallon for gas - keep it fucking up!
Williams: oh noes
Robinette: people are short-sighted and when you ask them to actually think they get a dull glaze on their eyes
Williams: speaking of that here’s an old clip from Meet The Press showing how the federal government failed 5 years ago
Pierce: that disaster lifted the veil on racism in America - it’s an indictment of the nation and if we are going to move past it we have to confront race and class and education in America and then work together to make it right
Brinkley: Katrina showed real poverty in America - but this shit is al over in America
Williams: Rob glass half-full or empty?
Robinette: half-full for New Orleans -
half-empty for America
Williams: and that’s another edition of
Meet The Press
**************************
Sen. Mary Landrieu (D-La.)
Mayor Mitch Landrieu (D-N.O.)
Actor Brad Pitt
Radio host Garland Robinette
Author Douglas Brinkley
Actor Wendell Pierce
******************
Williams: Hi the Hurricane anniversary is too important to leave to that Dancin Dave Gregory -
it requires the most insufferably pompous man in television
Audience: yay
Williams: I’m here with U.S. Senator Mary Landrieu and baseball great Cal Ripken
Mitch: no I’m Mitch Landrieu
Williams: who the hell is that?
Mitch: I’m the Mayor of New Orleans
Williams: no shit
Mitch: yep
Williams: We got Nothin’ but Landrieus!
Williams: was it a natural disaster?
Mitch: this was a man-made disaster - the motherfuckin levees broke!
Williams: why should anyone give a shit about
your city?
Mitch: we have the greatest culture in America
Williams: well thank god we have a white Mayor again - you guys are the Cajun Camelot!
Mitch: boo ya!
Williams: you’re white so you’re blameless right?
Mary: the hurricane was great opportunity to remake South Louisiana - the nation has been looting this area for decades!
Williams: George Bush said he would do what it would whatever it takes to fix New Orleans
Mary: unsurprisingly that turned out to be total bullshit
Williams: but Mississippi did great
Mary: Haley Barbour may claim that but that isn’t true either
Williams: Mitch would you ever walk in black neighborhood without a bodyguard and an
armored car?
Mitch: sure I do it all the time
Williams: you’re kidding
Mitch: no really
Williams: Katrina was the best thing ever to happen to the schools of New Orleans
Mitch: well that’s not well put but it’s nice that
FEMA rebuilt every school
Williams: people in the U.S. think y’all is crazy because your state was soaked in oil and your first reaction is ‘let’s keep drilling!’
Mary: [ puts down cell phone ]
Sorry I was checking with the oil companies
before formulating my answer
Williams: what did they tell you to say
Mary: Oil companies are the loveliest best most sincere people on earth
Williams: I see
Williams: Please bash President Obama for me
Mitch: no he did a great job - BP was outrageously irresponsible
Williams: ok please bash Ray Nagin for me
Mitch: look the levees broke and Bush let us down - the rest is irrelevant
Williams: Glen Beck got 300,000 people to ask god to stop by and say hello
Mary: that moron may not know that God has always blessed America and his hate government agenda is fucking stupid
Williams: what do the Saints winning the Superbowl mean to New Orleans
Mitch: now that was God talking Brian -
it was redemption and resurrection!
Williams: Brad you’re a big star - why are you here
Pitt: I love the smell
Williams: what else
Pitt: it’s got verve
Williams: you’re building homes but what if they
get destroyed again?
Pitt: the homes are safe but the levees could
still break
Williams: well that seems like a problem
Pitt: it’s up to the Corps of Engineers
Williams: but they fucked up in the first place
Pitt: true
Williams: BP is so wonderful they took your slogan
Pitt: god I hate those dastardly thieving motherfuckers
Williams: are these Green houses
Pitt: it’s the Greenest area in the whole world -
they produce more energy than they use
Williams: ironic they don’t need the oil they despoil their state to provide for everyone else
Pitt: right
Williams: what happened here 5 years ago?
Robinette: we saw America reduced to a third-world nation it was mind boggling
Williams: I asked George Bush about this and he said you can call me anything you want-
Audience: oh good
Williams: but he said don’t call me a racist
Audience: stupid, incompetent, dishonest?
Bush [at home, drunk]: aw c’mon Robby I did a heckofa job!
Robniette: you can’t deliver food and water to trapped Americans - it doesn’t make any goddam sense!
Williams: it does seem like something you wouldn’t see on the Vineyard
Robinette: we’re the canary in the coal mine - America we are your future - look on us and despair!
Williams: Wendell you come from black neighborhood with a low crime rate - it’s amazing
Pierce: the rebuilding is like a grassroots
Marshall Plan
Brinkley: don’t forget Mississippi
Williams: Hey I passed over Mississippi
Williams: David what is New Orleans?
Brinkley: this is a great historic city but let’s not overstate the case - it’s mostly criminals, cancer
and corruption
Williams: but the Saints!
Brinkley: fuck that - you need to save the wetlands and end the third-world mentality that pervades this place
Robinette: hey America - you want to pay $5 a gallon for gas - keep it fucking up!
Williams: oh noes
Robinette: people are short-sighted and when you ask them to actually think they get a dull glaze on their eyes
Williams: speaking of that here’s an old clip from Meet The Press showing how the federal government failed 5 years ago
Pierce: that disaster lifted the veil on racism in America - it’s an indictment of the nation and if we are going to move past it we have to confront race and class and education in America and then work together to make it right
Brinkley: Katrina showed real poverty in America - but this shit is al over in America
Williams: Rob glass half-full or empty?
Robinette: half-full for New Orleans -
half-empty for America
Williams: and that’s another edition of
Meet The Press
**************************
This Week - August 29, 2010
Guests:
Arne Duncan: Sec. of Education
Randi Weingarten: President AFT
Michelle Rhee
Jamie Oliver
****************************
Amanpour: Good morning - American kids perform worse than kids from Azerbijian but we’re still kicking Somalia’s ass - I think
Audience: yay
Amanpour: don’t worry America a former pro-basketball player is on the case
Amanpour: Arne what’s your plan to put U.S.
kids ahead of Estonia?
Duncan: we need to pay teachers based on how
well kids do
Amanpour: do you hate teachers?
Duncan: no I love teachers in general just not specifically
Weingarten: you have to look at teacher performance data in context
Duncan: it empowers teachers by publishing data
on how well their kids do
Amanpour: Michelle are you getting rid of
deadwood teachers
Rhee: we now evaluate teachers based on their kids scores and if they can recite the pledge of allegiance and how much chalk they use
Amanpour: the teachers contract is very thick and it makes it difficult to fire bad teachers
Weingarten: hey states with teachers unions do really well
Amanpour: yeah but we need to get rid of the bad teachers - that will save America
Weingarten: well fine - let’s improve teacher evaluation but let’s also admit teachers want to do well and teachers are not the real problem
Duncan: we have get kids ready for a college education they can’t possibly afford
Rhee: the best teachers will get a bonus and they really stupid ones will have to go into investment banking or on Fox news
Duncan: teachers need to know science like how early man celebrated Christmas by riding
to the edge of the earth on dinosaurs
Weingarten: we could base Arne Duncan’s pay
on his performance
Duncan: um now hold on a minute
Weingarten: Finland teaches kids better than we do
Amanpour: well sure it’s dark 10 months a year
Rhee: we need aggressive principals who are will kick some teacher ass
Duncan: we’ve dumbed down education standards for years and the result is Dancing with the Stars
and the Glen Beck rally
Amanpour: good point
[ break ]
Amanpour: we have an obesity problem in America because public school food makes kids fat
Kessler: the brains of millions of Americans are being hijacked by fat and ignorance
Amanpour: enough about Rush Limbaugh
Amanpour: 1 in 3 American kids are fat and the British kids are weighed in stones
Oliver: the solution is not rocket science -
just eat healthier
Amanpour: but people love junk food
Oliver: sure - fries are delicious
Amanpour: so can you succeed?
Oliver: yes and healthy food raises test scores
Amanpour: what can Congress do?
Oliver: they can pass a bill to spend $4 billion and save $100 billion; save millions of lives and make
the nation more competitve
Amanpour: so your saying it’s far-sighted and a no-brainer
Oliver: right
Amanpour: and you expect it to get through Congress?
Oliver: I educated people in West Virginia and if I can do it there I can do it on Capitol Hill
Amanpour: David Letterman says crappy food is Big Business so you can’t succeed
Oliver: He may be right but McDonald’s changed in Europe due to public pressure - in England they make healthy food and in France they have the ‘Royale with cheese’
Amanpour: awesome
************************
Arne Duncan: Sec. of Education
Randi Weingarten: President AFT
Michelle Rhee
Jamie Oliver
****************************
Amanpour: Good morning - American kids perform worse than kids from Azerbijian but we’re still kicking Somalia’s ass - I think
Audience: yay
Amanpour: don’t worry America a former pro-basketball player is on the case
Amanpour: Arne what’s your plan to put U.S.
kids ahead of Estonia?
Duncan: we need to pay teachers based on how
well kids do
Amanpour: do you hate teachers?
Duncan: no I love teachers in general just not specifically
Weingarten: you have to look at teacher performance data in context
Duncan: it empowers teachers by publishing data
on how well their kids do
Amanpour: Michelle are you getting rid of
deadwood teachers
Rhee: we now evaluate teachers based on their kids scores and if they can recite the pledge of allegiance and how much chalk they use
Amanpour: the teachers contract is very thick and it makes it difficult to fire bad teachers
Weingarten: hey states with teachers unions do really well
Amanpour: yeah but we need to get rid of the bad teachers - that will save America
Weingarten: well fine - let’s improve teacher evaluation but let’s also admit teachers want to do well and teachers are not the real problem
Duncan: we have get kids ready for a college education they can’t possibly afford
Rhee: the best teachers will get a bonus and they really stupid ones will have to go into investment banking or on Fox news
Duncan: teachers need to know science like how early man celebrated Christmas by riding
to the edge of the earth on dinosaurs
Weingarten: we could base Arne Duncan’s pay
on his performance
Duncan: um now hold on a minute
Weingarten: Finland teaches kids better than we do
Amanpour: well sure it’s dark 10 months a year
Rhee: we need aggressive principals who are will kick some teacher ass
Duncan: we’ve dumbed down education standards for years and the result is Dancing with the Stars
and the Glen Beck rally
Amanpour: good point
[ break ]
Amanpour: we have an obesity problem in America because public school food makes kids fat
Kessler: the brains of millions of Americans are being hijacked by fat and ignorance
Amanpour: enough about Rush Limbaugh
Amanpour: 1 in 3 American kids are fat and the British kids are weighed in stones
Oliver: the solution is not rocket science -
just eat healthier
Amanpour: but people love junk food
Oliver: sure - fries are delicious
Amanpour: so can you succeed?
Oliver: yes and healthy food raises test scores
Amanpour: what can Congress do?
Oliver: they can pass a bill to spend $4 billion and save $100 billion; save millions of lives and make
the nation more competitve
Amanpour: so your saying it’s far-sighted and a no-brainer
Oliver: right
Amanpour: and you expect it to get through Congress?
Oliver: I educated people in West Virginia and if I can do it there I can do it on Capitol Hill
Amanpour: David Letterman says crappy food is Big Business so you can’t succeed
Oliver: He may be right but McDonald’s changed in Europe due to public pressure - in England they make healthy food and in France they have the ‘Royale with cheese’
Amanpour: awesome
************************
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Meet The Press - August 22, 2010
Guests:
Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY)
Gov. Granholm (D-MI)
Dick Armey (Tea Party)
Rick Lazio (R-candidate for Gov)
Paul Gigot (Wall St. Journal)
Katty Kay (BBC)
Jeffrey Goldberg (Atlantic)
**********************
Gregory: should Muslims be allowed to have a community center near the world trade center?
McConnell: that’s a local issue but President Obama should never have spoken in support of
freedom of religion
Gregory: but what’s your opinion
McConnell: that’s up to New York City but I would hope they would take into consideration what
people in Kentucky think
Gregory: wasn’t Obama wrong support religious freedom?
McConnell: oh yes - it’s just a zoning issue therefore freedom doesn’t matter
Gregory: don’t play dumb Mitch - your entire party has attacked this mosque
McConnell: oh not at all - we’re very angry about debt and the Washington takeovers
Gregory: why do people think Obama is a Muslim?
McConnell: because Obama started a recession
in 2007
Gregory: are you always this stupid?
McConnell: yes
Gregory: but why do people believe falsehoods?
McConnell: I have no idea - I get my information
from Fox news
Gregory: how do you pay for the tax cuts you want?
McConnell: it’s outrageous to raise taxes
in a recession
Gregory: so how will you pay for it?
McConnell: I don’t have to pay for it since it would be raising taxes not cutting them
Gregory: c’mon moron - we’re running a deficit
and you know it
McConnell: you don’t increase taxes in a recession and Obama has been President for 3 years
Gregory: with all due respect do you want to cut the debt or cut taxes
McConnell: you can’t raise taxes
Gregory: you’re not answering my question
McConnell: Obama has imposed paperwork!
Gregory: do you or do you not have a plan to pay
for one trillion in lost taxes
McConnell: no - we have to cut spending
Gregory: well that’s what I was asking about!
McConnell: Obama has a debt commission which I hope will recommend cutting medicare and medicaid
Gregory: why do you need a Democratic President’s commission to tell you what to cut?
McConnell: why should we discuss political issues between now and elections where the entire House of Representatives and much of the Senate are up for election??
Gregory: what about your election prospects?
McConnell: we’re offensive
Gregory: I noticed
Gregory: the Tea Party is awesome isn’t it
McConnell: I love the Tea Party and they discovered spending and debt after a black guy became President
[ break ]
Gregory: Obama said religious freedom is unshakeable as long as local laws are followed which created a firestorm of controversy
Granholm: I heard that this is a peaceful sect so maybe we should let him have religious freedom
Gregory: interesting
Granholm: I checked up on him and he seems like one of the good ones
Gregory: dick there are some good Muslims so maybe we should let them build it after all
Armey: Obama trashed the Constitution on health care which he means he’s whimsical!
Granholm: oh my god
Gregory: tea party candidates are against civil rights, the U.N., social security, income tax, and the 14th amendment
Armey: look they may be crazy but they all won
their GOP primary
Granholm: I’m not sure that electing lunatics is the best strategy to get us out of this serious recession
Gregory: what is?
Granholm: government smartly investing and working with business to develop jobs and infrastructure
Armey: or we could eliminate Medicare
Gregory: is the Tea Party going to take over the GOP?
Armey: Republicans need the courage to come against the Civil Rights Act
Granholm: I don’t think people want to get rid of Medicare
Armey: I don’t want to get rid of Medicare -
I just want to make it voluntary
Granholm: oh ok
Armey: shouldn’t Christian Scientists be allowed to opt-out of social programs?
Granholm: no
Armey: that’s whimsical!
Gregory: should we really raise taxes on the rich?
Armey: the U.S. Government is Porky Pig!
Granholm: yes we should build this economy on the backs of the richest 2 percent
[ break ]
Gregory: ok let's talk about the incredible controversy everyone is concerned about over building in lower Manhattan
Audience: St. Vincent's hospital?
Gregory: No no the really big story over the foreign invasion that everyone in New York City is freaking out about
Audience: oh of course - bedbugs
Gregory: no no I mean the 9/11 Ground Zero Mosque
Audience: oh that silly bullshit
Gregory: rick you were humiliated by Hillary Clinton and have no credibility - tell us why you hate the mosque
Lazio: this imam said the U.S. created Osama bin Laden and I’m not saying we should have a cap on all mosques and all I’m saying this mosque should be banned
Goldberg: that’s crazy - this imam once said ‘i’m a Jew’ which is very brave since bacon is delicious
Gregory: Karen Hughes who has no credibility says if we have freedom for religion the terrorists will celebrate it as a victory over freedom
Gigot: it doesn’t matter who is right - they are not uniting people therefore they are wrong
Gregory: but who’s fault it that?
Gigot: their fault for being too muslim-y
Gregory: Newt Gingrich says all Muslims are Nazis
Kay: dudes you are making America look insane
Lazio: we know that Muslims are patriots and they can have freedom - just not in New York City
Goldberg: worldwide Islam is complex and painting them with a broad brush sends a very bad message
Gigot: look we’re not saying people can’t build mosques all over the world-
Gregory: mighty white of you
Gigot: just not at this holy Christian site which is sanctified by porn shops and a skyscraper
Gregory: look we all want freedom just not near where so many white people died
Kay: Fluffy I heard you were a moron
Lazio: this mosque might have ties to Iran!
Gregory: Jeff you say Israel is planning to bomb Iran
Goldberg: Obama is being prudent and has given Iran a way out while imposing sanctions - but Iran is close and Israel is ready to strike
Gregory: look our are troops leaving Iraq - too bad
gosh it was such a fun war
Gregory: let me quote a right wing editorial wall street journal that we won in Iraq - USA! USA! USA!
Gigot: we gave them a Republic - aren’t we wonderful?
Gregory: we are true heroes
Gigot: hopefully Iraq can serve our purposes
Gregory: I loved that war - rick can we go back?
Lazio: absolutely - but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t start other new, fun wars
Gregory: I like it
Lazio: we left this epic disaster with honor
Kay: while Gigot does the touchdown end zone dance it’s worth remembering that this was a war based on lies costing billions and thousands of lives and was almost a total failure
Gregory: sure but other than that it was great
************************************
Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY)
Gov. Granholm (D-MI)
Dick Armey (Tea Party)
Rick Lazio (R-candidate for Gov)
Paul Gigot (Wall St. Journal)
Katty Kay (BBC)
Jeffrey Goldberg (Atlantic)
**********************
Gregory: should Muslims be allowed to have a community center near the world trade center?
McConnell: that’s a local issue but President Obama should never have spoken in support of
freedom of religion
Gregory: but what’s your opinion
McConnell: that’s up to New York City but I would hope they would take into consideration what
people in Kentucky think
Gregory: wasn’t Obama wrong support religious freedom?
McConnell: oh yes - it’s just a zoning issue therefore freedom doesn’t matter
Gregory: don’t play dumb Mitch - your entire party has attacked this mosque
McConnell: oh not at all - we’re very angry about debt and the Washington takeovers
Gregory: why do people think Obama is a Muslim?
McConnell: because Obama started a recession
in 2007
Gregory: are you always this stupid?
McConnell: yes
Gregory: but why do people believe falsehoods?
McConnell: I have no idea - I get my information
from Fox news
Gregory: how do you pay for the tax cuts you want?
McConnell: it’s outrageous to raise taxes
in a recession
Gregory: so how will you pay for it?
McConnell: I don’t have to pay for it since it would be raising taxes not cutting them
Gregory: c’mon moron - we’re running a deficit
and you know it
McConnell: you don’t increase taxes in a recession and Obama has been President for 3 years
Gregory: with all due respect do you want to cut the debt or cut taxes
McConnell: you can’t raise taxes
Gregory: you’re not answering my question
McConnell: Obama has imposed paperwork!
Gregory: do you or do you not have a plan to pay
for one trillion in lost taxes
McConnell: no - we have to cut spending
Gregory: well that’s what I was asking about!
McConnell: Obama has a debt commission which I hope will recommend cutting medicare and medicaid
Gregory: why do you need a Democratic President’s commission to tell you what to cut?
McConnell: why should we discuss political issues between now and elections where the entire House of Representatives and much of the Senate are up for election??
Gregory: what about your election prospects?
McConnell: we’re offensive
Gregory: I noticed
Gregory: the Tea Party is awesome isn’t it
McConnell: I love the Tea Party and they discovered spending and debt after a black guy became President
[ break ]
Gregory: Obama said religious freedom is unshakeable as long as local laws are followed which created a firestorm of controversy
Granholm: I heard that this is a peaceful sect so maybe we should let him have religious freedom
Gregory: interesting
Granholm: I checked up on him and he seems like one of the good ones
Gregory: dick there are some good Muslims so maybe we should let them build it after all
Armey: Obama trashed the Constitution on health care which he means he’s whimsical!
Granholm: oh my god
Gregory: tea party candidates are against civil rights, the U.N., social security, income tax, and the 14th amendment
Armey: look they may be crazy but they all won
their GOP primary
Granholm: I’m not sure that electing lunatics is the best strategy to get us out of this serious recession
Gregory: what is?
Granholm: government smartly investing and working with business to develop jobs and infrastructure
Armey: or we could eliminate Medicare
Gregory: is the Tea Party going to take over the GOP?
Armey: Republicans need the courage to come against the Civil Rights Act
Granholm: I don’t think people want to get rid of Medicare
Armey: I don’t want to get rid of Medicare -
I just want to make it voluntary
Granholm: oh ok
Armey: shouldn’t Christian Scientists be allowed to opt-out of social programs?
Granholm: no
Armey: that’s whimsical!
Gregory: should we really raise taxes on the rich?
Armey: the U.S. Government is Porky Pig!
Granholm: yes we should build this economy on the backs of the richest 2 percent
[ break ]
Gregory: ok let's talk about the incredible controversy everyone is concerned about over building in lower Manhattan
Audience: St. Vincent's hospital?
Gregory: No no the really big story over the foreign invasion that everyone in New York City is freaking out about
Audience: oh of course - bedbugs
Gregory: no no I mean the 9/11 Ground Zero Mosque
Audience: oh that silly bullshit
Gregory: rick you were humiliated by Hillary Clinton and have no credibility - tell us why you hate the mosque
Lazio: this imam said the U.S. created Osama bin Laden and I’m not saying we should have a cap on all mosques and all I’m saying this mosque should be banned
Goldberg: that’s crazy - this imam once said ‘i’m a Jew’ which is very brave since bacon is delicious
Gregory: Karen Hughes who has no credibility says if we have freedom for religion the terrorists will celebrate it as a victory over freedom
Gigot: it doesn’t matter who is right - they are not uniting people therefore they are wrong
Gregory: but who’s fault it that?
Gigot: their fault for being too muslim-y
Gregory: Newt Gingrich says all Muslims are Nazis
Kay: dudes you are making America look insane
Lazio: we know that Muslims are patriots and they can have freedom - just not in New York City
Goldberg: worldwide Islam is complex and painting them with a broad brush sends a very bad message
Gigot: look we’re not saying people can’t build mosques all over the world-
Gregory: mighty white of you
Gigot: just not at this holy Christian site which is sanctified by porn shops and a skyscraper
Gregory: look we all want freedom just not near where so many white people died
Kay: Fluffy I heard you were a moron
Lazio: this mosque might have ties to Iran!
Gregory: Jeff you say Israel is planning to bomb Iran
Goldberg: Obama is being prudent and has given Iran a way out while imposing sanctions - but Iran is close and Israel is ready to strike
Gregory: look our are troops leaving Iraq - too bad
gosh it was such a fun war
Gregory: let me quote a right wing editorial wall street journal that we won in Iraq - USA! USA! USA!
Gigot: we gave them a Republic - aren’t we wonderful?
Gregory: we are true heroes
Gigot: hopefully Iraq can serve our purposes
Gregory: I loved that war - rick can we go back?
Lazio: absolutely - but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t start other new, fun wars
Gregory: I like it
Lazio: we left this epic disaster with honor
Kay: while Gigot does the touchdown end zone dance it’s worth remembering that this was a war based on lies costing billions and thousands of lives and was almost a total failure
Gregory: sure but other than that it was great
************************************
This Week with guest Hamid Karzai- August 22, 2010
August 22, 2010
Guests:
Hamiz Karzai - President of Afghanistan
Daisy Khan - American Society for Muslim Advancement
Rabbi Joy Levitt
******************************
Amanpour: Hey Afghanistan still isn’t very peaceful
Soldier: If I see a stranger walking around I get suspicious and tail them
Audience: so it’s like Greenwich Connecticut
Soldier: we will root out the fuckin Taliban
Amanpour: President Karzai can you reach an agreement with our new best friends the Taliban
Karzai: oh sure they just have to promise to keep
the craziness to a minimum
Amanpour: that’s nice but women’s groups are worried that the Taliban are not exactly feminists
Karzai: oh they shouldn’t worry their pretty heads
Amanpour: but the Taliban stoned a couple to
death last week
Karzai: yeah that was pretty shocking
Amanpour: can you win this war or not
Karzai: yes but first we have to admit we did everything wrong for the last 9 years
Amanpour: like what specifically
Karzai: like killing civilians, corruption, mercenaries-
Amanpour: you’re not a fan of private contract killers?
Karzai: no I’m not - surprisingly the government doesn’t approve of a parallel foreign corporate shadow government which rules by terror at night
Amanpour: by they protect you and diplomats
and aid groups
Karzai: look if the U.S. needs private contractors that’s fine but they can’t just roam the streets killing people
Amanpour: that’s the army’s job
Karzai: exactly
Amanpour: but the Afghan people still haven’t learned how to kill people - the US hasn’t taught them how since it’s only been 9 years
Karzai: that’s insane Christiane -
Amanpour: is it?
Karzai: yes of course we know how to fight - but Afghans take money to fight with private contractors
Amanpour: fascinating
Karzai: maybe the US taxpayer should worry about whether they are paying for thugs who are hurting the war effort
Amanpour: but if you disband these wonderful contractors won’t they all become terrorists?
Karzai: if that’s true they should be disbanded tomorrow!
Amanpour: one of your close aides was arrested and then released because you intervened
Karzai: fucking right Christiane - he was kidnapped in the name of law enforcement
Amanpour: oh I see
Karzai: I am the fucking President you know
Amanpour: but corruption is real problem
Karzai: I wouldn't know - I don’t work for Disney
or General Electric
Amanpour: thanks Hamid
[ break ]
Amanpour: Ms. Khan your lower manhattan community center is controversial why not work with victim’s families
Khan: we’ve been working with 9/11 families all along
Levitt: we have a JCC so why not have similar community center
Amanpour: so will it have those scary minarets?
Kahn: well there’s a swimming pool-
Amanpour: okay
Kahn: and a meeting place to exchange ideas and preach tolerance
Amanpour: well no wonder the right wingers
are so mad
Khan: mmm
Amanpour: Gov. Paterson said people who live down there are upset
Khan: the few people who live there approved it
Amanpour: shouldn’t you have reached out to people who hate you
Levitt: indeed Jews reach out to neo-Nazis whenever they build a community center
Amanpour: really?
Levitt: no of course not
Amanpour: Newt Gingrich says all Muslims are Nazis
Levitt: forgive me but he’s an asshole
Khan: he really is an ignorant dick isn’t he
Amanpour: is there any foreign funding for your community terror center
Khan: we will adhere to all the laws of New York state
Amanpour: but what about the special laws that only apply Muslims
Khan: what are those?
Amanpour: like when your husband said the U.S. once supported Osama bin Laden
Khan: what he said was true
Amanpour: but it wasn’t a very nice thing
to point out
Amanpour: Is America Islamaphobic?
Khan: gee let me think - yes
Levitt: sure it is
Amanpour: will you go ahead with your hateful swimming center?
Khan: you bet Chrissie
********************************
Guests:
Hamiz Karzai - President of Afghanistan
Daisy Khan - American Society for Muslim Advancement
Rabbi Joy Levitt
******************************
Amanpour: Hey Afghanistan still isn’t very peaceful
Soldier: If I see a stranger walking around I get suspicious and tail them
Audience: so it’s like Greenwich Connecticut
Soldier: we will root out the fuckin Taliban
Amanpour: President Karzai can you reach an agreement with our new best friends the Taliban
Karzai: oh sure they just have to promise to keep
the craziness to a minimum
Amanpour: that’s nice but women’s groups are worried that the Taliban are not exactly feminists
Karzai: oh they shouldn’t worry their pretty heads
Amanpour: but the Taliban stoned a couple to
death last week
Karzai: yeah that was pretty shocking
Amanpour: can you win this war or not
Karzai: yes but first we have to admit we did everything wrong for the last 9 years
Amanpour: like what specifically
Karzai: like killing civilians, corruption, mercenaries-
Amanpour: you’re not a fan of private contract killers?
Karzai: no I’m not - surprisingly the government doesn’t approve of a parallel foreign corporate shadow government which rules by terror at night
Amanpour: by they protect you and diplomats
and aid groups
Karzai: look if the U.S. needs private contractors that’s fine but they can’t just roam the streets killing people
Amanpour: that’s the army’s job
Karzai: exactly
Amanpour: but the Afghan people still haven’t learned how to kill people - the US hasn’t taught them how since it’s only been 9 years
Karzai: that’s insane Christiane -
Amanpour: is it?
Karzai: yes of course we know how to fight - but Afghans take money to fight with private contractors
Amanpour: fascinating
Karzai: maybe the US taxpayer should worry about whether they are paying for thugs who are hurting the war effort
Amanpour: but if you disband these wonderful contractors won’t they all become terrorists?
Karzai: if that’s true they should be disbanded tomorrow!
Amanpour: one of your close aides was arrested and then released because you intervened
Karzai: fucking right Christiane - he was kidnapped in the name of law enforcement
Amanpour: oh I see
Karzai: I am the fucking President you know
Amanpour: but corruption is real problem
Karzai: I wouldn't know - I don’t work for Disney
or General Electric
Amanpour: thanks Hamid
[ break ]
Amanpour: Ms. Khan your lower manhattan community center is controversial why not work with victim’s families
Khan: we’ve been working with 9/11 families all along
Levitt: we have a JCC so why not have similar community center
Amanpour: so will it have those scary minarets?
Kahn: well there’s a swimming pool-
Amanpour: okay
Kahn: and a meeting place to exchange ideas and preach tolerance
Amanpour: well no wonder the right wingers
are so mad
Khan: mmm
Amanpour: Gov. Paterson said people who live down there are upset
Khan: the few people who live there approved it
Amanpour: shouldn’t you have reached out to people who hate you
Levitt: indeed Jews reach out to neo-Nazis whenever they build a community center
Amanpour: really?
Levitt: no of course not
Amanpour: Newt Gingrich says all Muslims are Nazis
Levitt: forgive me but he’s an asshole
Khan: he really is an ignorant dick isn’t he
Amanpour: is there any foreign funding for your community terror center
Khan: we will adhere to all the laws of New York state
Amanpour: but what about the special laws that only apply Muslims
Khan: what are those?
Amanpour: like when your husband said the U.S. once supported Osama bin Laden
Khan: what he said was true
Amanpour: but it wasn’t a very nice thing
to point out
Amanpour: Is America Islamaphobic?
Khan: gee let me think - yes
Levitt: sure it is
Amanpour: will you go ahead with your hateful swimming center?
Khan: you bet Chrissie
********************************
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Meet The Press with Gen. Petraeus - August 15, 2010
Host:
David Gregory
Guest: Gen. David Petraeus
****************************
Gregory: General you’re handsome and I love you
Petraeus: I am awesome aren’t I?
Gregory: you do pushups and protect mosques
Petraeus: I could kick your ass
Gregory: but I’m taller
Petraeus: only if you count your hair Fluffy
Gregory: is it you job to pull out by next year?
Petraeus: our job is to build on the failures of
the last nine years
Gregory: I see
Petraeus: Barack told me to come Afghanistan
and kick some ass and take some names
Gregory: oh that’s really cool
Petraeus: the buck stops with him
Gregory: but you’re on my tv
Petraeus: true
Gregory: can Hamid Karzai be trusted?
Eikenberry: absolutely - he can be counted on to enrich himself and his family without regard to ethics
Gregory: well can’t we all
Gregory: hey audience I got to fly on a helicopter!!
Petraeus: we’re going to imitate BP and create a Giant Oil Spot of Peace
Gregory: a Gusher of Tranquility that cannot be contained?
Petraeus: exactly
Gregory: Look at this regional Governor pretend in front our tv cameras that he loves America
Audience: woo-hoo
Gregory: and then there was rocket fire
Petraeus: oh that just a little celebration
Gregory: so it’s like Detroit
Petraeus: all we have to is kill anyone who can pull
a trigger and we’ll be fine
Gregory: why is this America’s longest war and why aren’t we making any progress?
Petraeus: oh but we’re making small pockets of progress
Gregory: small pockets? It’s been 9 fucking years!
Petraeus: true but now Obama has tripled the number of American civilians here
Gregory: what are they going to do?
Petraeus: we’re going to keep sending lawyers until they surrender
Gregory: but can you win without the support of the American people
Petraeus: 9/11 9/11 9/11
Gregory: Did McChrystal getting fired give you a sad?
Petraeus: No - now I am the top dog in the Pentagon and we’ve all linked arms and are doing
a happy dance
Gregory: Wikileaks is going to put out another 15,000 pages - what’s in it?
Petraeus: these are unimportant documents and leaking them was a horrible betrayal of trust
Gregory: do the documents contain any secrets?
Petraeus: my god man - those papers had the
KFC 11 herbs and spices
Gregory: holy shit
Gregory: can you save this just like you won Iraq
by yourself?
Petraeus: If I can’t do it Dancing Dave no one can
Gregory: how horrible is Obama for setting a deadline for leaving American’s longest quagmire?
Petraeus: he isn’t and you’re an idiot
Gregory: you just gave the wrong answer so please change it and bash Obama
Petraeus: I heard you were a moron
Gregory: we were getting along so well
Petraeus: the deadline actually helps concentrate the minds of the wackos here
Gregory: Can’t you persuade Obama to stay in Afghanistan please?
Petraeus: [ punches Gregory in the face ]
Gregory: Ow!
Gregory: what kind of relationship do you have with President Karzai?
Petraeus: we’re going steady and I’m over the moon
Gregory: but he’s corrupt
Petraeus: he may be a bastard but he’s our bastard
Gregory: I like it
Petraeus: he fired a guy for being incorrectly corrupt so there’s that
Gregory: do you like him?
Petraeus: he’s the President of a sovereign nation which just happens to be occupied by the USA
Gregory: why don’t we just get rid of him?
Petraeus: he’s the President!
Gregory: he’s a puppet
Petraeus: he’s the Lambchop of Central Asia
Gregory: what’s the deal with the Taliban?
Petraeus: they’re pretty scary
Gregory: why don’t the Afghan people just rise up and defeat the Taliban?
Petraeus: people here survive by being Professional Chameleons
Gregory: like that Geico lizard?
Petraeus: right
Gregory: Afghans are sitting on the fence
Petraeus: that’s how you get stuck in the ass
Gregory: but people are waiting for us to leave and then we’re screwed
Petraeus: how so?
Gregory: who will resolve Afghan zoning disputes
if not us?
Petraeus: interesting point
Gregory: what do you say to people who say we can’t win
Petraeus: we’re not going to turn Afghanistan into Switzerland
Gregory: with mountains, secrecy, war criminals and money laundering?
Petraeus: ok maybe we will
Gregory: what’s winning?
Petraeus: a government that allows outside investment
Gregory: now we’re talking
Gregory: can you point out on this map where Osama is?
Petraeus: the Taliban control this area the size
of California
Gregory: oh my
Petraeus: wait - there’s more - we also have enemies in the south, the north, the center and the mountains near Pakistan
Gregory: that seems like a problem
Petraeus: the Taliban are egregious!
Gregory: I don’t think you can say that word on NBC
Gregory: are we giving money to our enemies?
Petraeus: look if America has learned anything, it’s this: money solves everything
Gregory: where’s Osama?
Petraeus: he’s hiding in the mountains protected by religious fanatics
Gregory: he’s in Utah?
Gregory: don’t we have to stay in Afghanistan because of Time magazine’s cover?
Petraeus: well that’s silly but yes
Gregory: what prizes do we win here
Petraeus: we’ll get some lovely parting gifts
Gregory: so why stay?
Petraeus: the Time magazine cover says it all
Gregory: of course
Petraeus: or we can turn Afghanistan in an American colony with a Silk Road and take all their minerals
Gregory: ooh a bit of a history lesson
Petraeus: no - George W. Bush actually tried to build a road made of silk
Gregory: how did that go?
Petraeus: not so well
Gregory: did we win in Iraq?
Petraeus: it’s too soon to say - wait 50 years
Gregory: Was George Bush really a great President in spite of his terrible record?
Petraeus: we he did belatedly order even more troops into combat there which was very courageous
Gregory: yes who would have thought he would defy everything we know about him and send soldiers to fight more wars
Petraeus: indeed
Gregory: should we bomb Iran?
Petraeus: we could if ordered to
Gregory: what are you reading?
Petraeus: Kipling
Gregory: White Man’s Burden!
Gregory: Will you please run for President?
Petraeus: No
Gregory: [ sobs ]
*********************************
David Gregory
Guest: Gen. David Petraeus
****************************
Gregory: General you’re handsome and I love you
Petraeus: I am awesome aren’t I?
Gregory: you do pushups and protect mosques
Petraeus: I could kick your ass
Gregory: but I’m taller
Petraeus: only if you count your hair Fluffy
Gregory: is it you job to pull out by next year?
Petraeus: our job is to build on the failures of
the last nine years
Gregory: I see
Petraeus: Barack told me to come Afghanistan
and kick some ass and take some names
Gregory: oh that’s really cool
Petraeus: the buck stops with him
Gregory: but you’re on my tv
Petraeus: true
Gregory: can Hamid Karzai be trusted?
Eikenberry: absolutely - he can be counted on to enrich himself and his family without regard to ethics
Gregory: well can’t we all
Gregory: hey audience I got to fly on a helicopter!!
Petraeus: we’re going to imitate BP and create a Giant Oil Spot of Peace
Gregory: a Gusher of Tranquility that cannot be contained?
Petraeus: exactly
Gregory: Look at this regional Governor pretend in front our tv cameras that he loves America
Audience: woo-hoo
Gregory: and then there was rocket fire
Petraeus: oh that just a little celebration
Gregory: so it’s like Detroit
Petraeus: all we have to is kill anyone who can pull
a trigger and we’ll be fine
Gregory: why is this America’s longest war and why aren’t we making any progress?
Petraeus: oh but we’re making small pockets of progress
Gregory: small pockets? It’s been 9 fucking years!
Petraeus: true but now Obama has tripled the number of American civilians here
Gregory: what are they going to do?
Petraeus: we’re going to keep sending lawyers until they surrender
Gregory: but can you win without the support of the American people
Petraeus: 9/11 9/11 9/11
Gregory: Did McChrystal getting fired give you a sad?
Petraeus: No - now I am the top dog in the Pentagon and we’ve all linked arms and are doing
a happy dance
Gregory: Wikileaks is going to put out another 15,000 pages - what’s in it?
Petraeus: these are unimportant documents and leaking them was a horrible betrayal of trust
Gregory: do the documents contain any secrets?
Petraeus: my god man - those papers had the
KFC 11 herbs and spices
Gregory: holy shit
Gregory: can you save this just like you won Iraq
by yourself?
Petraeus: If I can’t do it Dancing Dave no one can
Gregory: how horrible is Obama for setting a deadline for leaving American’s longest quagmire?
Petraeus: he isn’t and you’re an idiot
Gregory: you just gave the wrong answer so please change it and bash Obama
Petraeus: I heard you were a moron
Gregory: we were getting along so well
Petraeus: the deadline actually helps concentrate the minds of the wackos here
Gregory: Can’t you persuade Obama to stay in Afghanistan please?
Petraeus: [ punches Gregory in the face ]
Gregory: Ow!
Gregory: what kind of relationship do you have with President Karzai?
Petraeus: we’re going steady and I’m over the moon
Gregory: but he’s corrupt
Petraeus: he may be a bastard but he’s our bastard
Gregory: I like it
Petraeus: he fired a guy for being incorrectly corrupt so there’s that
Gregory: do you like him?
Petraeus: he’s the President of a sovereign nation which just happens to be occupied by the USA
Gregory: why don’t we just get rid of him?
Petraeus: he’s the President!
Gregory: he’s a puppet
Petraeus: he’s the Lambchop of Central Asia
Gregory: what’s the deal with the Taliban?
Petraeus: they’re pretty scary
Gregory: why don’t the Afghan people just rise up and defeat the Taliban?
Petraeus: people here survive by being Professional Chameleons
Gregory: like that Geico lizard?
Petraeus: right
Gregory: Afghans are sitting on the fence
Petraeus: that’s how you get stuck in the ass
Gregory: but people are waiting for us to leave and then we’re screwed
Petraeus: how so?
Gregory: who will resolve Afghan zoning disputes
if not us?
Petraeus: interesting point
Gregory: what do you say to people who say we can’t win
Petraeus: we’re not going to turn Afghanistan into Switzerland
Gregory: with mountains, secrecy, war criminals and money laundering?
Petraeus: ok maybe we will
Gregory: what’s winning?
Petraeus: a government that allows outside investment
Gregory: now we’re talking
Gregory: can you point out on this map where Osama is?
Petraeus: the Taliban control this area the size
of California
Gregory: oh my
Petraeus: wait - there’s more - we also have enemies in the south, the north, the center and the mountains near Pakistan
Gregory: that seems like a problem
Petraeus: the Taliban are egregious!
Gregory: I don’t think you can say that word on NBC
Gregory: are we giving money to our enemies?
Petraeus: look if America has learned anything, it’s this: money solves everything
Gregory: where’s Osama?
Petraeus: he’s hiding in the mountains protected by religious fanatics
Gregory: he’s in Utah?
Gregory: don’t we have to stay in Afghanistan because of Time magazine’s cover?
Petraeus: well that’s silly but yes
Gregory: what prizes do we win here
Petraeus: we’ll get some lovely parting gifts
Gregory: so why stay?
Petraeus: the Time magazine cover says it all
Gregory: of course
Petraeus: or we can turn Afghanistan in an American colony with a Silk Road and take all their minerals
Gregory: ooh a bit of a history lesson
Petraeus: no - George W. Bush actually tried to build a road made of silk
Gregory: how did that go?
Petraeus: not so well
Gregory: did we win in Iraq?
Petraeus: it’s too soon to say - wait 50 years
Gregory: Was George Bush really a great President in spite of his terrible record?
Petraeus: we he did belatedly order even more troops into combat there which was very courageous
Gregory: yes who would have thought he would defy everything we know about him and send soldiers to fight more wars
Petraeus: indeed
Gregory: should we bomb Iran?
Petraeus: we could if ordered to
Gregory: what are you reading?
Petraeus: Kipling
Gregory: White Man’s Burden!
Gregory: Will you please run for President?
Petraeus: No
Gregory: [ sobs ]
*********************************
ABC's This Week - August 15, 2010
Host: Christiane Amanpour
Guests:
Sen. Bob Corker (R-TN)
Fmr. Governor Jon Corzine (D-NJ)
Laura Tyson
Martin Regalia - Chamber of Commerce
*************************
Amanpour: hi everyone the economy still sucks
as many of you may have noticed
Audience: um yeah
Regalia: as an expert I can say that unemployment
is bad
Tyson: we should help unemployed people
and also try to create jobs
Amanpour: wow
Tyson: hey those stimulus jobs are right around
the corner
Amanpour: excellent
Tyson: also send people to college - all those people seem to have jobs
Amanpour: Bob how is it going in your state?
Corker: things are going great although some rural areas lack indoor plumbing
Amanpour: what’s the solution
Corker: we have to calm down in Washington and stop giving doing things because businesses are very confused about whether they should hire people who now have access to health care
Corzine: oh bullshit - George Bush lost $17 trillion and let third-world countries pass us by while he pranced around on aircraft carriers
Tyson: hey I noticed that this nation is falling apart and our kids aren’t going to school - maybe we could address that
Amanpour: interesting notion
Regalia: if taxes were lower things would be awesome
Corker: we definitely need to build infrastructure and invest but first we need to cut taxes and spending and stop debating little issues like the economy
and concentrate on big issues like bringing back voodoo economics
Corzine: more bullshit - the economy grew like gangbusters after Clinton raised taxes in 1993
Amanpour: interesting
Corzine: yeah I lost my election but come this fall you’ll see I won’t be the only one
Amanpour: Germany is doing well - why is that?
Tyson: the Germans have high taxes and are building useful products while we lead the world in stupefying reality tv shows
Regalia: TAX CUTS!
Corker: what he said
*********************************
Guests:
Sen. Bob Corker (R-TN)
Fmr. Governor Jon Corzine (D-NJ)
Laura Tyson
Martin Regalia - Chamber of Commerce
*************************
Amanpour: hi everyone the economy still sucks
as many of you may have noticed
Audience: um yeah
Regalia: as an expert I can say that unemployment
is bad
Tyson: we should help unemployed people
and also try to create jobs
Amanpour: wow
Tyson: hey those stimulus jobs are right around
the corner
Amanpour: excellent
Tyson: also send people to college - all those people seem to have jobs
Amanpour: Bob how is it going in your state?
Corker: things are going great although some rural areas lack indoor plumbing
Amanpour: what’s the solution
Corker: we have to calm down in Washington and stop giving doing things because businesses are very confused about whether they should hire people who now have access to health care
Corzine: oh bullshit - George Bush lost $17 trillion and let third-world countries pass us by while he pranced around on aircraft carriers
Tyson: hey I noticed that this nation is falling apart and our kids aren’t going to school - maybe we could address that
Amanpour: interesting notion
Regalia: if taxes were lower things would be awesome
Corker: we definitely need to build infrastructure and invest but first we need to cut taxes and spending and stop debating little issues like the economy
and concentrate on big issues like bringing back voodoo economics
Corzine: more bullshit - the economy grew like gangbusters after Clinton raised taxes in 1993
Amanpour: interesting
Corzine: yeah I lost my election but come this fall you’ll see I won’t be the only one
Amanpour: Germany is doing well - why is that?
Tyson: the Germans have high taxes and are building useful products while we lead the world in stupefying reality tv shows
Regalia: TAX CUTS!
Corker: what he said
*********************************
Sunday, August 01, 2010
Meet The Press - August 1, 2010
Guests:
Admiral Mullen - Chair Joint Chiefs
Gov. Ed Rendell - (D-PA)
Mike Bloomberg - Mayor of New York
Alan Greenspan
Doris Goodwin
Mark Halperin
August 1, 2010
***************************
Gregory: Admiral I love your epaulets
Mullen: thanks
Gregory: don’t these Wikileaks prove the war was a colossal waste of time
Mullen: no it proves that it WAS a huge mistake - but that was in the past - now we’re beginning to make great progress so it’s all good
Gregory: why the fuck can’t we get Al-Qaeda?
Mullen: Obama is sending more troops
Gregory: now we need more troops - jesus
Mullen: we said this we would be a tough year but in 12 months we’ll know whether this new phase of the was also a complete waste
Gregory: the Taliban attacks our troops from Pakistan so we need them but they hate us
Mullen: look I’m not going to mince words - we may need to go to war with them too
Gregory: what?!
Mullen: no I’m just pulling your leg Fluffy
Gregory: oh good
Mullen: look we’re not going to win overnight - we’re going to lose over a period of years and years
Gregory: ah I see
Mullen: then we may have to tangle with India
Gregory: is Pakistan with us or against us?
Mullen: both
Gregory: what a relief
Gregory: will you make a deal with the Taliban?
Mullen: we sent Howie Mandel there already
Gregory: Look at this gruesome biased Time magazine cover
Mullen: eww
Gregory: are we there to protect the women of Afghanistan?
Mullen: no
Gregory: ok
Mullen: we have to protect all the people of Afghanistan
Gregory: but I thought we were there to get al qaeda?
Mullen: yes but to defeat them we must rebuild the Afghan economy, society, and civilization
Gregory: which is worse - letting Iran get a nuke or attacking Iran
Mullen: gosh Greggers that’s a tough one
Gregory: well you’re the one with the shiny shoulders
Mullen: Talk to Barack Fluffers
Gregory: can we have a new war please?
Mullen: maybe
Gregory: why are so many soldiers committing suicide?
Mullen: it could be the wars and constant redeployments
Gregory: you think
Mullen: but not only that
Gregory: thanks for coming Admiral
[ break ]
Gregory: Welcome everyone to Recovery Summer! What the hell is wrong?
Bloomberg: Well Democrats won’t cut spending and the GOP won’t raise taxes and nobody knows what the future holds so no one hires anyone
Gregory: people won’t spend so employers won’t hire and so people won’t spend
Greenspan: our problem is that America doesn’t make anything anymore - we just shuffle financial papers around
Gregory: hey that’s very lucrative
Greenspan: that’s true
Gregory: how can we reinflate the housing bubble?
Greenspan: it’s touch and go
Gregory: Ed America has run out of money
Rendell: we need stimulus and re-build infrastructure and that’s perfect because we can do both at once
Bloomberg: the stimulus went to buy flat screen tvs
Gregory: what is the unemployment level
Greenspan: it’s half past Matlock
Gregory: what does that mean?
Greenspan: the unemployment I caused is very tragic
Gregory: Mike should we let the tax cuts for the rich expire?
Bloomberg: oh no it’s much too risky
Rendell: we raised taxes in 1993 and created 23 million jobs
Bloomberg: yeah but Bill Clinton cheated by not starting any wars
Rendell: let’s cut Medicare and Medicaid and then phase in raising taxes on the rich to the incredibly high levels they were under Reagan
Gregory: Alan you said we should let the tax cuts expire
Greenspan: why should we borrow money from our grandchildren so billionaires can be even richer now?
Gregory: what a crazy idea
Gregory: hey is Wall Street different from the movie in 1987
Bloomberg: no that movie said Wall Street was a bunch of crooks
Gregory: why does corrupt evil Wall Street executives hate Obama?
Bloomberg: We’re all to blame for the excess and recession - let’s not look for villains
Gregory: but Obama doesn’t get along with the business community
Rendell: It’s terrible - so sad for Obama
Gregory: immigration!
Bloomberg: let’s be realistic - we social security cards encoded with DNA
Gregory: how is my 401(k)?
Greenspan: I have no idea but I will say this - pudding!
Gregory: will you for President in 2012
Bloomberg: no I can’t get elected - I believe in evolution
Gregory: oh well forget I said anything
[ break ]
Gregory: Doris how is Obama doing?
Goodwin: he showed feistiness in Detroit and people need that
Gregory: what about Afghanistan
Goodwin: FDR invaded North Africa because people need to be entertained
Gregory: Obama says the American worker is a great investment
Halperin: but he’s a President with high unemployment and two unpopular wars
Gregory: what a terrible record!
Halperin: we should elect Republicans!
Gregory: why is Obama so unpopular and why won’t he support Charlie Rangel
Goodwin: I know he’s not liked but I think he should argue for himself and talk about results!
Halperin: Rangel is black you know
Gregory: really?
Halperin: I read that somewhere
Gregory: Hey Chelsea got married
Goodwin: they raised a terrific kid
Halperin: people are fascinated by the Clintons
Gregory: beltway pundits are hopeless village gossips
Halperin: indeed
Gregory: and that’s Meet the Press
****************************
Admiral Mullen - Chair Joint Chiefs
Gov. Ed Rendell - (D-PA)
Mike Bloomberg - Mayor of New York
Alan Greenspan
Doris Goodwin
Mark Halperin
August 1, 2010
***************************
Gregory: Admiral I love your epaulets
Mullen: thanks
Gregory: don’t these Wikileaks prove the war was a colossal waste of time
Mullen: no it proves that it WAS a huge mistake - but that was in the past - now we’re beginning to make great progress so it’s all good
Gregory: why the fuck can’t we get Al-Qaeda?
Mullen: Obama is sending more troops
Gregory: now we need more troops - jesus
Mullen: we said this we would be a tough year but in 12 months we’ll know whether this new phase of the was also a complete waste
Gregory: the Taliban attacks our troops from Pakistan so we need them but they hate us
Mullen: look I’m not going to mince words - we may need to go to war with them too
Gregory: what?!
Mullen: no I’m just pulling your leg Fluffy
Gregory: oh good
Mullen: look we’re not going to win overnight - we’re going to lose over a period of years and years
Gregory: ah I see
Mullen: then we may have to tangle with India
Gregory: is Pakistan with us or against us?
Mullen: both
Gregory: what a relief
Gregory: will you make a deal with the Taliban?
Mullen: we sent Howie Mandel there already
Gregory: Look at this gruesome biased Time magazine cover
Mullen: eww
Gregory: are we there to protect the women of Afghanistan?
Mullen: no
Gregory: ok
Mullen: we have to protect all the people of Afghanistan
Gregory: but I thought we were there to get al qaeda?
Mullen: yes but to defeat them we must rebuild the Afghan economy, society, and civilization
Gregory: which is worse - letting Iran get a nuke or attacking Iran
Mullen: gosh Greggers that’s a tough one
Gregory: well you’re the one with the shiny shoulders
Mullen: Talk to Barack Fluffers
Gregory: can we have a new war please?
Mullen: maybe
Gregory: why are so many soldiers committing suicide?
Mullen: it could be the wars and constant redeployments
Gregory: you think
Mullen: but not only that
Gregory: thanks for coming Admiral
[ break ]
Gregory: Welcome everyone to Recovery Summer! What the hell is wrong?
Bloomberg: Well Democrats won’t cut spending and the GOP won’t raise taxes and nobody knows what the future holds so no one hires anyone
Gregory: people won’t spend so employers won’t hire and so people won’t spend
Greenspan: our problem is that America doesn’t make anything anymore - we just shuffle financial papers around
Gregory: hey that’s very lucrative
Greenspan: that’s true
Gregory: how can we reinflate the housing bubble?
Greenspan: it’s touch and go
Gregory: Ed America has run out of money
Rendell: we need stimulus and re-build infrastructure and that’s perfect because we can do both at once
Bloomberg: the stimulus went to buy flat screen tvs
Gregory: what is the unemployment level
Greenspan: it’s half past Matlock
Gregory: what does that mean?
Greenspan: the unemployment I caused is very tragic
Gregory: Mike should we let the tax cuts for the rich expire?
Bloomberg: oh no it’s much too risky
Rendell: we raised taxes in 1993 and created 23 million jobs
Bloomberg: yeah but Bill Clinton cheated by not starting any wars
Rendell: let’s cut Medicare and Medicaid and then phase in raising taxes on the rich to the incredibly high levels they were under Reagan
Gregory: Alan you said we should let the tax cuts expire
Greenspan: why should we borrow money from our grandchildren so billionaires can be even richer now?
Gregory: what a crazy idea
Gregory: hey is Wall Street different from the movie in 1987
Bloomberg: no that movie said Wall Street was a bunch of crooks
Gregory: why does corrupt evil Wall Street executives hate Obama?
Bloomberg: We’re all to blame for the excess and recession - let’s not look for villains
Gregory: but Obama doesn’t get along with the business community
Rendell: It’s terrible - so sad for Obama
Gregory: immigration!
Bloomberg: let’s be realistic - we social security cards encoded with DNA
Gregory: how is my 401(k)?
Greenspan: I have no idea but I will say this - pudding!
Gregory: will you for President in 2012
Bloomberg: no I can’t get elected - I believe in evolution
Gregory: oh well forget I said anything
[ break ]
Gregory: Doris how is Obama doing?
Goodwin: he showed feistiness in Detroit and people need that
Gregory: what about Afghanistan
Goodwin: FDR invaded North Africa because people need to be entertained
Gregory: Obama says the American worker is a great investment
Halperin: but he’s a President with high unemployment and two unpopular wars
Gregory: what a terrible record!
Halperin: we should elect Republicans!
Gregory: why is Obama so unpopular and why won’t he support Charlie Rangel
Goodwin: I know he’s not liked but I think he should argue for himself and talk about results!
Halperin: Rangel is black you know
Gregory: really?
Halperin: I read that somewhere
Gregory: Hey Chelsea got married
Goodwin: they raised a terrific kid
Halperin: people are fascinated by the Clintons
Gregory: beltway pundits are hopeless village gossips
Halperin: indeed
Gregory: and that’s Meet the Press
****************************
This Week with Christiane Amanpour - August 1, 2010
Guests:
Nancy Pelosi - Speaker of the House
Bob Gates - Sec. of Defense
*************************
Amanpour: Nancy are Democrats turning against Obama’s war in Afghanistan?
Pelosi: oh not all - Republicans are turning against it too
Amanpour: are you against the war now
Pelosi: well I love the troops so I want to keep them in that quagmire
Amanpour: when do politicians finally end this nightmare
Pelosi: I have no idea
Amanpour: what does your gut tell you?
Pelosi: the facts tell me that it’s unwinnable and we’re supporting a totally corrupt government
Amanpour: so you are in favor of girls having their noses cut off?
Pelosi: hey I like women
Amanpour: sure you do
Pelosi: those girls are being attacked right now
Amanpour: Biden says we’re going to pull out 2,000 troops by next summer
Pelosi: it had better be more than that
Amanpour: you were going to drain the swamp and yet there’s Charlie Rangel wearing alligator shoes
Pelosi: let’s wait and see what investigation reveals Christie
Amanpour: pish posh
Amanpour: You are very successful Speaker and Obama drew crowds of 200,000 and yet Republicans say you suck - how did this happen??
Pelosi: I don’t see it that way
Amanpour: yet people are saying that-
Pelosi: which people?
Amanpour: you know ‘people’
Pelosi: oh ok
Amanpour: so are you nervous about November?
Pelosi: no not at all
Amanpour: yet people are saying you should be nervous
Pelosi: well ‘people’ are also saying Republicans are shitheads who wrecked this nation
Amanpour: But Gibbs said you could lose
Pelosi: heh - I don’t worry about low level flunkies
Amanpour: snap!
Amanpour: Tax cuts for the rich?
Pelosi: oh no the deficit you know
Amanpour: but you cut taxes for the middle class
Pelosi: strangely enough that’s popular
Amanpour: the GOP have turned you into a cartoonish villain
Pelosi: that only shows that they have nothing else to run on
Amanpour: why are you so angry and partisan?
Pelosi: this is about ideas - good ideas and whatever Republicans want to do
Amanpour: you’re bickering
Pelosi: no it’s an epic clash of ideas - ours and sucky ones
Amanpour: you go Nancy
[ break ]
Amanpour: Bill how can one teenager listening to Lady Gaga remove every document relating to the war in nine years?!
Gates: we’re trusted that kid!
Amanpour: that seems like a problem
Gates: yeah but soldiers on the front lines need to spend their time reading 92,000 pages of documents
Amanpour: we you angry to learn the war has been a waste of time
Gates: I had a sad - the enemy will learn all our tactics
Amanpour: a Taliban spokesman said they will get mad
Gates: uh oh
Amanpour: Wikileaks has blood on its hands!
Gates: We hate that in the military
Amanpour: does the Taliban have Stinger missiles?
Gates: no
Amanpour: do they have Stinger cocktails?
Gates: yes probably
Amanpour: should we leave that hellhole
Gates: nations around the world live in fear that the U.S. will not invade them
Amanpour: I see
Amanpour: what about the safe havens?
Gates: they’re very nice places
Amanpour: no I mean Pakistan should go in there
Gates: well that’s a lot to ask Christiane
Amanpour: well it’s seem like it might be necessary
Gates: we’re moving in that direction
Amanpour: but we’re leaving in 2011
Gates: good I’m sick of this
Amanpour: the bad guys will wait us out
Gates: we’re not leaving in 2011 - we’re thinning our ranks
Amanpour: the Taliban is planning a party in Sept. 2011
Gates: We’re gonna crash that fucking party!
Amanpour: Is American serious about Afghanistan or is it all a post-9/11 ragegasm?
Gates: Look it’s going to take time and we will have casualties
Amanpour: no shit
Gates: the war just started - give it a chance!
Amanpour: the Afghan people love us and want us there!
Gates: I know!
Amanpour: why don’t you go on tv and talk about it?
Gates: what is this - radio?
Amanpour: ha
Gates: Look Obama has been crystal clear - our mission is to degrade the Taliban and teach Afghans how to fire a gun
Amanpour: what about nation-building?
Gates: no we are there to get revenge for 9/11-
Amanpour: oh ok
Gates: -oh and also to create a new Afghan government and society
Amanpour: right
Amanpour: will you make a deal with the Taliban?
Gates: yes if they put down all their weapons and convert to Christianity
Amanpour: can you do that in one year?
Gates: no - but it’s all bullshit anyway
Amanpour: well thanks for coming
Nancy Pelosi - Speaker of the House
Bob Gates - Sec. of Defense
*************************
Amanpour: Nancy are Democrats turning against Obama’s war in Afghanistan?
Pelosi: oh not all - Republicans are turning against it too
Amanpour: are you against the war now
Pelosi: well I love the troops so I want to keep them in that quagmire
Amanpour: when do politicians finally end this nightmare
Pelosi: I have no idea
Amanpour: what does your gut tell you?
Pelosi: the facts tell me that it’s unwinnable and we’re supporting a totally corrupt government
Amanpour: so you are in favor of girls having their noses cut off?
Pelosi: hey I like women
Amanpour: sure you do
Pelosi: those girls are being attacked right now
Amanpour: Biden says we’re going to pull out 2,000 troops by next summer
Pelosi: it had better be more than that
Amanpour: you were going to drain the swamp and yet there’s Charlie Rangel wearing alligator shoes
Pelosi: let’s wait and see what investigation reveals Christie
Amanpour: pish posh
Amanpour: You are very successful Speaker and Obama drew crowds of 200,000 and yet Republicans say you suck - how did this happen??
Pelosi: I don’t see it that way
Amanpour: yet people are saying that-
Pelosi: which people?
Amanpour: you know ‘people’
Pelosi: oh ok
Amanpour: so are you nervous about November?
Pelosi: no not at all
Amanpour: yet people are saying you should be nervous
Pelosi: well ‘people’ are also saying Republicans are shitheads who wrecked this nation
Amanpour: But Gibbs said you could lose
Pelosi: heh - I don’t worry about low level flunkies
Amanpour: snap!
Amanpour: Tax cuts for the rich?
Pelosi: oh no the deficit you know
Amanpour: but you cut taxes for the middle class
Pelosi: strangely enough that’s popular
Amanpour: the GOP have turned you into a cartoonish villain
Pelosi: that only shows that they have nothing else to run on
Amanpour: why are you so angry and partisan?
Pelosi: this is about ideas - good ideas and whatever Republicans want to do
Amanpour: you’re bickering
Pelosi: no it’s an epic clash of ideas - ours and sucky ones
Amanpour: you go Nancy
[ break ]
Amanpour: Bill how can one teenager listening to Lady Gaga remove every document relating to the war in nine years?!
Gates: we’re trusted that kid!
Amanpour: that seems like a problem
Gates: yeah but soldiers on the front lines need to spend their time reading 92,000 pages of documents
Amanpour: we you angry to learn the war has been a waste of time
Gates: I had a sad - the enemy will learn all our tactics
Amanpour: a Taliban spokesman said they will get mad
Gates: uh oh
Amanpour: Wikileaks has blood on its hands!
Gates: We hate that in the military
Amanpour: does the Taliban have Stinger missiles?
Gates: no
Amanpour: do they have Stinger cocktails?
Gates: yes probably
Amanpour: should we leave that hellhole
Gates: nations around the world live in fear that the U.S. will not invade them
Amanpour: I see
Amanpour: what about the safe havens?
Gates: they’re very nice places
Amanpour: no I mean Pakistan should go in there
Gates: well that’s a lot to ask Christiane
Amanpour: well it’s seem like it might be necessary
Gates: we’re moving in that direction
Amanpour: but we’re leaving in 2011
Gates: good I’m sick of this
Amanpour: the bad guys will wait us out
Gates: we’re not leaving in 2011 - we’re thinning our ranks
Amanpour: the Taliban is planning a party in Sept. 2011
Gates: We’re gonna crash that fucking party!
Amanpour: Is American serious about Afghanistan or is it all a post-9/11 ragegasm?
Gates: Look it’s going to take time and we will have casualties
Amanpour: no shit
Gates: the war just started - give it a chance!
Amanpour: the Afghan people love us and want us there!
Gates: I know!
Amanpour: why don’t you go on tv and talk about it?
Gates: what is this - radio?
Amanpour: ha
Gates: Look Obama has been crystal clear - our mission is to degrade the Taliban and teach Afghans how to fire a gun
Amanpour: what about nation-building?
Gates: no we are there to get revenge for 9/11-
Amanpour: oh ok
Gates: -oh and also to create a new Afghan government and society
Amanpour: right
Amanpour: will you make a deal with the Taliban?
Gates: yes if they put down all their weapons and convert to Christianity
Amanpour: can you do that in one year?
Gates: no - but it’s all bullshit anyway
Amanpour: well thanks for coming
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Meet The Press - July 25, 2010
Guests:
Tim Geithner - Sec. of Treasury
Marc Morial
Anita Dunn
E.J. Dionne
David Brooks
Rick Santelli
*******************
Gregory: Tim will things get worse before
they get better?
Geithner: sure but we’re seeing positive signs
and I think most unemployed Americans get that
and sympathize with us
Gregory: oh no doubt
Geithner: look we lived beyond our means for
years but now the party is over and it’s time to sober and pick up the beer cans and passed out drunks
off the lawn
Gregory: will we have another recession?
Geithner: well if we did that would make me look
like an idiot Greggers
Gregory: where are all the jobs?
Geithner: there’s a lot of pent up demand - the economy is like teenage boy ready to explode
Gregory: but those boys have no confidence
Geithner: we have to massage the economy
and buck them up!
Gregory: why not stimulate more?
Geithner: we’re in a transition period
Gregory: so no more stimulus?
Geithner: we can’t deal a stimulus now since we have high unemployment
Gregory: um that was my point Timster
Geithner: government must transition from doing something about the economy to not caring as usual
Gregory: why not pay for unemployment benefits like we do for wars and tax cuts for the rich
Geithner: because that’s fucking stupid Fluffy
Gregory: that’s an outrageous implication
Geithner: it won’t add to the debt moron
Gregory: so why not a big giant stimulus to jump-start the economy?
Geithner: if we do that the Germans will mock me
at the next summit
Gregory: should bankers on welfare get
fat bonuses?
Geithner: yes but only this time and not again
Gregory: how can we prevent another crisis?
Geithner: this new law will add cushions to the economy
Gregory: sounds comfy
Gregory: does it bother you that 25% of our economy are useless fuckers running a giant casino
Geithner: not at all Fluffers
Gregory: how do you solve the housing crisis?
Geithner: lower interest rates and a modest mortgage modification program
Gregory: very very modest I should say
Geithner: well we don’t want to reinflate the
bubble Greggers
Gregory: so should we allow poor people to
own property?
Geithner: sure but in a carefully designed way so the peons and unwashed are not included
Gregory: will you raise taxes on the very rich?
Geithner: Look all those fucking teabaggers are so worried about the debt - well guess what we’re going to be responsible and raise taxes on the top 2%
Gregory: what’s a painful choice you’re willing make to tackle the debt?
Geithner: we’re going to cut spending and raise taxes on the rich
Gregory: what about something really really painful
Geithner: I came on your show
Gregory: Americans have seen their investments
go down and Obama is President
Geithner: they’re gone up since he became President liar
Gregory: [ grins ] well whatever
Geithner: deceitful bubblehead
Gregory: and now let’s talk about why the media can’t get basic facts right
[ break ]
Gregory: Barack Obama was going bring us a wonderful post-racial America - and he’s failed!!
[ grins ]
Shirley Sherrod was wrongly fired - a teachable moment? Do we another beer summit? Some observers say Obama could solve racial problems and others say he’s failed because we still act crazy when it comes to race
Gregory: this is all politically charged - what happened Marc?
Morial: I’ll tell you what happened - that fucker Breitbart yelled fire in a crowded theater
Gregory: I used to love that guy
Morial: we learned that Shirley Sherrod has a fascinating and teachable story and also let me
plug my upcoming conference
Gregory: Let me quote Maureen Dowd
Dunn: oh my god
Gregory: no Dowd has strong words for the
White House
Dunn: yeah maybe the NAACP needs an advisor on black relations too
Gregory: hah ok
Dunn: the media fucked up too Fluffy
Gregory: yes but Obama is insensitive on race
Dunn: jesus he wrote a whole book on race
Gregory: but Obama was supposed to get rid of racial problems
Dunn: look this unhinged lunatic tried to say the NAACP is a racist organization
Gregory: yeah that was funny
Dionne: holy fuck Sherrod gives a positive post-racial speech and the media is so fucking terrified of being called liberal they run with every right-wing story no matter how false and slimy
Brooks: I always check the facts unlike those horrible bloggers
Dunn: eat at an Applebee’s recently Brooksie?
Gregory: is the Tea Party really trying to convince people that Obama is a black racist and whites are the real victims of racism?
Santelli: sure there are a few racists in the Tea Party but only because the Tea Baggers are against welfare for lazy poor people who happen to be black
Gregory: why won’t Obama engage in race and solve racism in America!
Morial: Obama needs a black friend like
Stephen Colbert has
Gregory: that’s a good idea
Morial: the Tea Party compared Obama to the worst people in world history like Hitler, Lenin, Mao and Mel Gibson
Gregory: the left is just as bad!
Dionne: Hey Fluffy Fox News says Obama has a deep seated hatred of white people
Brooks: I have an anecdote - Black people love
the Tea Party
Gregory: Jim Webb helpfully used this moment to tell us that we should get rid of affirmative action and poor white people have suffered the most
Brooks: we live in a gotcha culture - why did people go after poor Tom Vilsack
Dunn: somehow I’m sure the media will find a way to blame Obama
Morial: meanwhile the Senate cut $1 billion in benefits this week
Gregory: what about poor white people?
Morial: yeah it’s real tragedy
Santelli: I just realized in January 2009 that the debt and the deficit is terrible!
Gregory: the stimulus isn’t working well enough
Brooks: people are very scared of the debt
since 2009
Gregory: interest rates are low so let’s borrow
and spend!
Santelli: yes but that could change
Gregory: but it hasn’t
Santelli: well look at Greece
Gregory: so what
Santelli: look we cut spending for all the little people
Gregory: why doesn’t Obama raise taxes on
poor people?
Dunn: because it’s stupid and would hurt
the economy
Gregory: but Democrats believe tax cuts are
a bad idea
Dunn: no liar Democrats voted for them and only believe excessive tax cuts for the rich should
be repealed
Gregory: Obama spoke to angry liberal bloggers this week by telling them he’s trying to keep his promise to let gays serve openly in Gitmo and Afghanistan
Dionne: jesus fuck the rich pay a lower tax rate than poor people do!
Brooks: as an economist I say we should think long term and give a tax credit for ignorant bullshit
Gregory: we’d all get rich!
Brooks: can I get an amen!
Gregory: Marc you’re black - how about
Charlie Rangel?
Morial: hey don’t rush to judgment on that corrupt fucker
Dunn: that’s right he may yet be acquitted of the charges he’s clearly guilty of
Gregory: Wise words indeed
***************************
Tim Geithner - Sec. of Treasury
Marc Morial
Anita Dunn
E.J. Dionne
David Brooks
Rick Santelli
*******************
Gregory: Tim will things get worse before
they get better?
Geithner: sure but we’re seeing positive signs
and I think most unemployed Americans get that
and sympathize with us
Gregory: oh no doubt
Geithner: look we lived beyond our means for
years but now the party is over and it’s time to sober and pick up the beer cans and passed out drunks
off the lawn
Gregory: will we have another recession?
Geithner: well if we did that would make me look
like an idiot Greggers
Gregory: where are all the jobs?
Geithner: there’s a lot of pent up demand - the economy is like teenage boy ready to explode
Gregory: but those boys have no confidence
Geithner: we have to massage the economy
and buck them up!
Gregory: why not stimulate more?
Geithner: we’re in a transition period
Gregory: so no more stimulus?
Geithner: we can’t deal a stimulus now since we have high unemployment
Gregory: um that was my point Timster
Geithner: government must transition from doing something about the economy to not caring as usual
Gregory: why not pay for unemployment benefits like we do for wars and tax cuts for the rich
Geithner: because that’s fucking stupid Fluffy
Gregory: that’s an outrageous implication
Geithner: it won’t add to the debt moron
Gregory: so why not a big giant stimulus to jump-start the economy?
Geithner: if we do that the Germans will mock me
at the next summit
Gregory: should bankers on welfare get
fat bonuses?
Geithner: yes but only this time and not again
Gregory: how can we prevent another crisis?
Geithner: this new law will add cushions to the economy
Gregory: sounds comfy
Gregory: does it bother you that 25% of our economy are useless fuckers running a giant casino
Geithner: not at all Fluffers
Gregory: how do you solve the housing crisis?
Geithner: lower interest rates and a modest mortgage modification program
Gregory: very very modest I should say
Geithner: well we don’t want to reinflate the
bubble Greggers
Gregory: so should we allow poor people to
own property?
Geithner: sure but in a carefully designed way so the peons and unwashed are not included
Gregory: will you raise taxes on the very rich?
Geithner: Look all those fucking teabaggers are so worried about the debt - well guess what we’re going to be responsible and raise taxes on the top 2%
Gregory: what’s a painful choice you’re willing make to tackle the debt?
Geithner: we’re going to cut spending and raise taxes on the rich
Gregory: what about something really really painful
Geithner: I came on your show
Gregory: Americans have seen their investments
go down and Obama is President
Geithner: they’re gone up since he became President liar
Gregory: [ grins ] well whatever
Geithner: deceitful bubblehead
Gregory: and now let’s talk about why the media can’t get basic facts right
[ break ]
Gregory: Barack Obama was going bring us a wonderful post-racial America - and he’s failed!!
[ grins ]
Shirley Sherrod was wrongly fired - a teachable moment? Do we another beer summit? Some observers say Obama could solve racial problems and others say he’s failed because we still act crazy when it comes to race
Gregory: this is all politically charged - what happened Marc?
Morial: I’ll tell you what happened - that fucker Breitbart yelled fire in a crowded theater
Gregory: I used to love that guy
Morial: we learned that Shirley Sherrod has a fascinating and teachable story and also let me
plug my upcoming conference
Gregory: Let me quote Maureen Dowd
Dunn: oh my god
Gregory: no Dowd has strong words for the
White House
Dunn: yeah maybe the NAACP needs an advisor on black relations too
Gregory: hah ok
Dunn: the media fucked up too Fluffy
Gregory: yes but Obama is insensitive on race
Dunn: jesus he wrote a whole book on race
Gregory: but Obama was supposed to get rid of racial problems
Dunn: look this unhinged lunatic tried to say the NAACP is a racist organization
Gregory: yeah that was funny
Dionne: holy fuck Sherrod gives a positive post-racial speech and the media is so fucking terrified of being called liberal they run with every right-wing story no matter how false and slimy
Brooks: I always check the facts unlike those horrible bloggers
Dunn: eat at an Applebee’s recently Brooksie?
Gregory: is the Tea Party really trying to convince people that Obama is a black racist and whites are the real victims of racism?
Santelli: sure there are a few racists in the Tea Party but only because the Tea Baggers are against welfare for lazy poor people who happen to be black
Gregory: why won’t Obama engage in race and solve racism in America!
Morial: Obama needs a black friend like
Stephen Colbert has
Gregory: that’s a good idea
Morial: the Tea Party compared Obama to the worst people in world history like Hitler, Lenin, Mao and Mel Gibson
Gregory: the left is just as bad!
Dionne: Hey Fluffy Fox News says Obama has a deep seated hatred of white people
Brooks: I have an anecdote - Black people love
the Tea Party
Gregory: Jim Webb helpfully used this moment to tell us that we should get rid of affirmative action and poor white people have suffered the most
Brooks: we live in a gotcha culture - why did people go after poor Tom Vilsack
Dunn: somehow I’m sure the media will find a way to blame Obama
Morial: meanwhile the Senate cut $1 billion in benefits this week
Gregory: what about poor white people?
Morial: yeah it’s real tragedy
Santelli: I just realized in January 2009 that the debt and the deficit is terrible!
Gregory: the stimulus isn’t working well enough
Brooks: people are very scared of the debt
since 2009
Gregory: interest rates are low so let’s borrow
and spend!
Santelli: yes but that could change
Gregory: but it hasn’t
Santelli: well look at Greece
Gregory: so what
Santelli: look we cut spending for all the little people
Gregory: why doesn’t Obama raise taxes on
poor people?
Dunn: because it’s stupid and would hurt
the economy
Gregory: but Democrats believe tax cuts are
a bad idea
Dunn: no liar Democrats voted for them and only believe excessive tax cuts for the rich should
be repealed
Gregory: Obama spoke to angry liberal bloggers this week by telling them he’s trying to keep his promise to let gays serve openly in Gitmo and Afghanistan
Dionne: jesus fuck the rich pay a lower tax rate than poor people do!
Brooks: as an economist I say we should think long term and give a tax credit for ignorant bullshit
Gregory: we’d all get rich!
Brooks: can I get an amen!
Gregory: Marc you’re black - how about
Charlie Rangel?
Morial: hey don’t rush to judgment on that corrupt fucker
Dunn: that’s right he may yet be acquitted of the charges he’s clearly guilty of
Gregory: Wise words indeed
***************************
This Week with Tim Geithner and Chris Christie - July 25, 2010
July 25, 2010
******************************
Tapper: Timster will you keep the very expensive but awesome Bush tax cuts on the obscenely rich?
Geithner: we will cut taxes on 95% of the people
and raise taxes on the top 2% because the Tea Party want to cut the debt
Tapper: clever - but won’t that slow the growth in
the sales of gold plated toilets?
Geithner: it could but I’m not too worried Tapper
my ass is covered
Tapper: Blue Dogs are very worried about the deficit so they want to keep lower taxes on the
wealthiest 1%
Geithner: so so sad -- fuck ‘em
Tapper: what can you do to grow this economy?
Geithner: convince businesses to rehire people
Tapper: how so
Geithner: with my awesome charisma
Tapper: um do you have a backup plan?
Geithner: ha
Tapper: isn’t it terribly important to pay for unemployment benefits unlike everything else or future generations will be mad at us?
Geithner: no that’s idiotic
Tapper: shouldn’t we have less financial regulation since lack of regulation failed us before?
Geithner: no because the new law will allow the government write a strongly worded letter to businesses before they destroy America
Tapper: Liz Warren hates you but consumer groups love her
Geithner: she’s a sharp cookie I’ll give her that
Tapper: giant businesses on welfare are giving their employees free Lamborghinis
Geithner: that’s crazy we told them to buy American and get Cadillacs
Tapper: Auto companies had to take haircuts but bankers did not
Geithner: no the executives had to do that too
Tapper: Tim those were actual haircuts!
Geithner: well that’s what the financial regulation bill is for Jake
Tapper: did you learn anything from the Sherrod fuck-up?
Geithner: yeah never trust Fox news and their
evil minions
Tapper: my sister network - who knew?!
[ break ]
Tapper: Governor how in the hell did you win in
New Jersey?
Christie: I just promised lower taxes and common sense bullshit and people love that nonsense
Tapper: critics say you balanced the budget by just ignoring your funding obligations
Christie: no I cut spending that might have happened but didn’t
Tapper: like what?
Christie: we cut education spending that Corzine had blown
Tapper: that money from the federal government
Christie: look we’re broke so we’re cutting pensions
Tapper: you raised property taxes
Christie: no that’s shared sacrifice Jake
Tapper: it’s a shared tax increase big guy
Christie: I don’t see it that way
Tapper: do you hate teachers?
Christie: no I love teachers but they’re coddled and other unions are seeing their property taxes
going up
Tapper: you’re raising them!
Christie: stop saying that
Tapper: you come across as kind of a jerk
Christie: fuck you
Tapper: gimme straight talk - will join the lawsuit against health care reform?
Christie: dunno
Tapper: who do you say is demagoguing immigration?
Christie: secure our borders!
Tapper: has the GOP hurt their cause with immigrants?
Christie: maybe
Tapper: sounds like a yes
Christie: hey I’ve worked with Democrats in NJ so Obama can work with the loons in Washington
Tapper: speaking of crazies do you love the
“Jersey Shore”
Christie: no I hate that show - it’s a totally negative stereotype!
Tapper: what do you recommend?
Christie: The Sopranos
Tapper: right
*********************************
******************************
Tapper: Timster will you keep the very expensive but awesome Bush tax cuts on the obscenely rich?
Geithner: we will cut taxes on 95% of the people
and raise taxes on the top 2% because the Tea Party want to cut the debt
Tapper: clever - but won’t that slow the growth in
the sales of gold plated toilets?
Geithner: it could but I’m not too worried Tapper
my ass is covered
Tapper: Blue Dogs are very worried about the deficit so they want to keep lower taxes on the
wealthiest 1%
Geithner: so so sad -- fuck ‘em
Tapper: what can you do to grow this economy?
Geithner: convince businesses to rehire people
Tapper: how so
Geithner: with my awesome charisma
Tapper: um do you have a backup plan?
Geithner: ha
Tapper: isn’t it terribly important to pay for unemployment benefits unlike everything else or future generations will be mad at us?
Geithner: no that’s idiotic
Tapper: shouldn’t we have less financial regulation since lack of regulation failed us before?
Geithner: no because the new law will allow the government write a strongly worded letter to businesses before they destroy America
Tapper: Liz Warren hates you but consumer groups love her
Geithner: she’s a sharp cookie I’ll give her that
Tapper: giant businesses on welfare are giving their employees free Lamborghinis
Geithner: that’s crazy we told them to buy American and get Cadillacs
Tapper: Auto companies had to take haircuts but bankers did not
Geithner: no the executives had to do that too
Tapper: Tim those were actual haircuts!
Geithner: well that’s what the financial regulation bill is for Jake
Tapper: did you learn anything from the Sherrod fuck-up?
Geithner: yeah never trust Fox news and their
evil minions
Tapper: my sister network - who knew?!
[ break ]
Tapper: Governor how in the hell did you win in
New Jersey?
Christie: I just promised lower taxes and common sense bullshit and people love that nonsense
Tapper: critics say you balanced the budget by just ignoring your funding obligations
Christie: no I cut spending that might have happened but didn’t
Tapper: like what?
Christie: we cut education spending that Corzine had blown
Tapper: that money from the federal government
Christie: look we’re broke so we’re cutting pensions
Tapper: you raised property taxes
Christie: no that’s shared sacrifice Jake
Tapper: it’s a shared tax increase big guy
Christie: I don’t see it that way
Tapper: do you hate teachers?
Christie: no I love teachers but they’re coddled and other unions are seeing their property taxes
going up
Tapper: you’re raising them!
Christie: stop saying that
Tapper: you come across as kind of a jerk
Christie: fuck you
Tapper: gimme straight talk - will join the lawsuit against health care reform?
Christie: dunno
Tapper: who do you say is demagoguing immigration?
Christie: secure our borders!
Tapper: has the GOP hurt their cause with immigrants?
Christie: maybe
Tapper: sounds like a yes
Christie: hey I’ve worked with Democrats in NJ so Obama can work with the loons in Washington
Tapper: speaking of crazies do you love the
“Jersey Shore”
Christie: no I hate that show - it’s a totally negative stereotype!
Tapper: what do you recommend?
Christie: The Sopranos
Tapper: right
*********************************
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Meet The Press - July 18, 2010
July 18, 2010
Guests:
Sen. Robert Menendez (D-NJ)
Sen. John Cornyn (R-TX)
Rep. Chris Van Hollen (D-MD)
Rep. Sessions
Gregory: Will Republicans win in the fall?
Cornyn: yes because Obama is socialist and
the economy sucks
Gregory: True but the GOP did crash the economy
Cornyn: no Nancy Pelosi wrecked America beginning in 2007
Menendez: that’s fucking hilarious
Van Hollen: I can’t wait the GOP to run on repealing health care and financial regulation
Cornyn: they forced this black President and his socialist ideas down our throats
Gregory: OMG Robert Gibbs said the Democrats could lose the House - this will have a great impact on all the races!
Van Hollen: do you really think that anyone outside the Beltway noticed what he said
Gregory: oh yes!
Van Hollen: I heard you were a moron
Gregory: but House Dems are mad at Obama
Van Hollen: The GOP has decided to carp and
whine like little babies until the fall
Gregory: Remember how awesome Newt Gingrich and the Contract with America was? That was
so awesome
Cornyn: Obama never sought Republican support
Menendez: you’ve got to be fucking kidding
Cornyn: Obama is a job-killer!
Menendez: almost like Bush!
Cornyn: unemployed people are very concerned about the debt
Gregory: polls say Obama hasn’t created enough jobs to recover from the Bush recession
Menendez: we are still trying to fix the epic
disaster that was the Bush Presidency
Gregory: But Obama has lost white men - who are very practical and only care about things like whether Obama can fix oil spills by himself
Van Hollen: we lost jobs for 8 fucking years -
why would these so-called practical voters want to
go back to that?
Sessions: that’s not true - some people had jobs
in the Bush years but everyone in America is now unemployed
Gregory: fascinating
Sessions: we must cut taxes and repeal health
care which will bankrupt America
Gregory: what is your basic message?
Sessions: cut taxes, cut spending and run against the Black Panthers
Van Hollen: holy shit they really want to go back
to the Bush years - except they also want to apologize to BP
Gregory: wasn’t spending out of control when Bush was President?
Cornyn: no because debt is very high now
Gregory: Bush ran up that debt
Cornyn: yes but Obama is almost as bad as Bush which is very bad
Gregory: but if we return to Bush policies it
will get worse
Cornyn: yes but Obama is a black Kenyan Socialist
Menendez: Go ahead America - vote Republican -
I dare you
Gregory: Because I worship Politico and hate Obama so I have to ask - why is Obama so bad?
Van Hollen: Hey Fluffy - the Republicans won’t even cut taxes for the middle class
Gregory: oh
Van Hollen: is they are so fucking concerned for the debt why don’t they repeal the Bush tax cuts??
Menendez: I am so tired of these Republican assholes and their fucking hypocrisy and lies
Gregory: what does the Republican party stand for?
Sessions: we need to live within our means - now that we are in a recession we must slash spending
Gregory: what will you cut?
Sessions: we will balance the budget
Gregory: how?
Sessions: by cutting a lot
Gregory: cut what?
Sessions: empower people and business
Gregory: what the fuck are you planning on doing??
Cornyn: we’re waiting for the Obama’s blue ribbon commission
Gregory: why do you need Obama’s permission to decide what your plan is?
Cornyn: he’s a scary black man
Gregory: will you repeal health care reform?
Cornyn: yes we will replace it with common sense
Gregory: how about repealing financial regulation?
Cornyn: we will replace ideology will common sense
Gregory: truly you have series of unassailably brilliant ideas
Menendez: jeebus these people are idiots
Van Hollen: 8 years of GOP policies and we lost jobs - good luck with that fuckers
Gregory: but some people do prefer Republicans
Van Hollen: sure people who want to do away
with Social Security
Gregory: Is the Tea Party a bunch of dangerous racists?
Cornyn: tha’s slanderous - the Teabaggers are former couch-bound patriotic wackos who want
their country back
Gregory: I see
Cornyn: they are unemployed weirdos worried
about runaway spending - look at the trouble
Harry Reid is in
Gregory: he was in trouble until people learned Sharron Angle supports an armed rebellion
Session: the Tea Partiers are actually Democrats who are against debt and in favor of lower taxes
on the rich
Van Hollen: the good news is they are energized - the bad news is the Tea Parties want to repeal the Civil Rights Act and force people to bring a
chicken to the doctor
Gregory: who wins in the fall?
Cornyn: I dunno
Menendez: Dems big time
Sessions: maybe GOP
Van Hollen: heh - I will put it out there Democrats
all the way
************
Guests:
Sen. Robert Menendez (D-NJ)
Sen. John Cornyn (R-TX)
Rep. Chris Van Hollen (D-MD)
Rep. Sessions
Gregory: Will Republicans win in the fall?
Cornyn: yes because Obama is socialist and
the economy sucks
Gregory: True but the GOP did crash the economy
Cornyn: no Nancy Pelosi wrecked America beginning in 2007
Menendez: that’s fucking hilarious
Van Hollen: I can’t wait the GOP to run on repealing health care and financial regulation
Cornyn: they forced this black President and his socialist ideas down our throats
Gregory: OMG Robert Gibbs said the Democrats could lose the House - this will have a great impact on all the races!
Van Hollen: do you really think that anyone outside the Beltway noticed what he said
Gregory: oh yes!
Van Hollen: I heard you were a moron
Gregory: but House Dems are mad at Obama
Van Hollen: The GOP has decided to carp and
whine like little babies until the fall
Gregory: Remember how awesome Newt Gingrich and the Contract with America was? That was
so awesome
Cornyn: Obama never sought Republican support
Menendez: you’ve got to be fucking kidding
Cornyn: Obama is a job-killer!
Menendez: almost like Bush!
Cornyn: unemployed people are very concerned about the debt
Gregory: polls say Obama hasn’t created enough jobs to recover from the Bush recession
Menendez: we are still trying to fix the epic
disaster that was the Bush Presidency
Gregory: But Obama has lost white men - who are very practical and only care about things like whether Obama can fix oil spills by himself
Van Hollen: we lost jobs for 8 fucking years -
why would these so-called practical voters want to
go back to that?
Sessions: that’s not true - some people had jobs
in the Bush years but everyone in America is now unemployed
Gregory: fascinating
Sessions: we must cut taxes and repeal health
care which will bankrupt America
Gregory: what is your basic message?
Sessions: cut taxes, cut spending and run against the Black Panthers
Van Hollen: holy shit they really want to go back
to the Bush years - except they also want to apologize to BP
Gregory: wasn’t spending out of control when Bush was President?
Cornyn: no because debt is very high now
Gregory: Bush ran up that debt
Cornyn: yes but Obama is almost as bad as Bush which is very bad
Gregory: but if we return to Bush policies it
will get worse
Cornyn: yes but Obama is a black Kenyan Socialist
Menendez: Go ahead America - vote Republican -
I dare you
Gregory: Because I worship Politico and hate Obama so I have to ask - why is Obama so bad?
Van Hollen: Hey Fluffy - the Republicans won’t even cut taxes for the middle class
Gregory: oh
Van Hollen: is they are so fucking concerned for the debt why don’t they repeal the Bush tax cuts??
Menendez: I am so tired of these Republican assholes and their fucking hypocrisy and lies
Gregory: what does the Republican party stand for?
Sessions: we need to live within our means - now that we are in a recession we must slash spending
Gregory: what will you cut?
Sessions: we will balance the budget
Gregory: how?
Sessions: by cutting a lot
Gregory: cut what?
Sessions: empower people and business
Gregory: what the fuck are you planning on doing??
Cornyn: we’re waiting for the Obama’s blue ribbon commission
Gregory: why do you need Obama’s permission to decide what your plan is?
Cornyn: he’s a scary black man
Gregory: will you repeal health care reform?
Cornyn: yes we will replace it with common sense
Gregory: how about repealing financial regulation?
Cornyn: we will replace ideology will common sense
Gregory: truly you have series of unassailably brilliant ideas
Menendez: jeebus these people are idiots
Van Hollen: 8 years of GOP policies and we lost jobs - good luck with that fuckers
Gregory: but some people do prefer Republicans
Van Hollen: sure people who want to do away
with Social Security
Gregory: Is the Tea Party a bunch of dangerous racists?
Cornyn: tha’s slanderous - the Teabaggers are former couch-bound patriotic wackos who want
their country back
Gregory: I see
Cornyn: they are unemployed weirdos worried
about runaway spending - look at the trouble
Harry Reid is in
Gregory: he was in trouble until people learned Sharron Angle supports an armed rebellion
Session: the Tea Partiers are actually Democrats who are against debt and in favor of lower taxes
on the rich
Van Hollen: the good news is they are energized - the bad news is the Tea Parties want to repeal the Civil Rights Act and force people to bring a
chicken to the doctor
Gregory: who wins in the fall?
Cornyn: I dunno
Menendez: Dems big time
Sessions: maybe GOP
Van Hollen: heh - I will put it out there Democrats
all the way
************
This Week with Jake Tapper and Joe Biden - July 18, 2010
July 18, 2010
Guest:
Vice President Joe Biden
*******************
Tapper: You’ve accomplished a lot but people
are still really unhappy
Biden: we have meat inspection so Financial Regulation like that but we’ll people inspecting Goldman Sachs’ meat
Tapper: I see
Biden: it will take time for people to like us
Tapper: can you do it by November?
Biden: considering the Republicans are fucking insane - yes
Tapper: are you calling the American people stupid?
Biden: Bush lost 8 million jobs and we’re adding
jobs slowly but surely
Tapper: really?
Biden: I sit around the kitchen table and people
just want to know their President isn’t a muslim socialist black panther
Tapper: Is he?
Biden: no we’ve made this clear - he is not a muslim
Tapper: oh ok
Biden: it will just take time to explain what are in
the 1,000 page bills
Tapper: how bad will Democratic losses be in the fall
Biden: I have been sent out to repudiate Bob Gibbs - we’re going to the House and Senate!
Tapper: are you sure?
Biden: Look at Harry Reid - people thought he was dead until the Republicans nominated a psychotic
Tapper: good point
Tapper: is the Tea Party racist?
Biden: of course it is
Tapper: really?
Biden: no of course I have to say it isn’t a racist party - it’s merely party full of racists
Tapper: why are there no jobs?
Biden: It’s France’s fault
Tapper: Merde!
Tapper: Was the stimulus too small?
Biden: Well the Administration, Republicans,
Paul Krugman and Atrios thinks so
Tapper: and they were right!
Biden: Duh - but the Republican wouldn’t let us have a bigger one
Tapper: that’s sad
Biden: Wind! Solar! Supertrains!
Tapper: Exciting!
Biden: We’re creating jobs - not fast enough maybe but we are
Tapper: Are we going to withdraw from
Afghanistan or not?
Biden: Fuck yes! Bet. On. It.!!
Tapper: I’m suspicious
Biden: We’re going to pull out province by province
Tapper: Ok
Biden: Really I was telling the military to suck it up
Tapper: I just remember I wanted to ask you another question - what the fuck are we doing there??
Biden: Sure Jake people are being killed but that’s the lack of foliage
Tapper: Did you say fucking foliage??
Biden: Yes Osama is hiding behind some
very big trees
Tapper: Good god
Tapper: McChrystal called you Joe Bite Me
Biden: I like him because he didn’t let the door hit his ass when Obama canned that insubordinate fucker
Tapper: you didn’t take it personally?
Biden: oh no - I just told Barack to shitcan him
Tapper: Why did he hate you?
Biden: Because I don’t take a lot of shit from a bunch of preening Generals who think they are the reincarnation of George fucking Patton
Tapper: The Iraq Parliament met for 20 minutes
Biden: that’s great
Tapper: were you right that the country should be divided into three parts
Biden: yes - it’s totally fucked there
Tapper: but we’re staying
Biden: sure politics has broken out - it’s a big fucking deal!
Tapper: but it’s not working
Biden: Hey it’s took the Dutch 6 months to form
a government
Tapper: got another example?
Biden: the Netherlands too 270 days!
Tapper: that’s the same country Joe
Biden: and they have hash bars!
Tapper: what’s the larger strategy to combat islamofascism?
Biden: Build strong pro-American countries
Tapper: so going to the muslim world to build nations will make them love us
Biden: Obama can talk to them as a fellow muslim
Tapper: I thought you said he wasn’t a muslim
Biden: oh right - I meant he wasn’t a socialist
Tapper: well that much is obvious
Biden: I love me some Tapper
********************
Guest:
Vice President Joe Biden
*******************
Tapper: You’ve accomplished a lot but people
are still really unhappy
Biden: we have meat inspection so Financial Regulation like that but we’ll people inspecting Goldman Sachs’ meat
Tapper: I see
Biden: it will take time for people to like us
Tapper: can you do it by November?
Biden: considering the Republicans are fucking insane - yes
Tapper: are you calling the American people stupid?
Biden: Bush lost 8 million jobs and we’re adding
jobs slowly but surely
Tapper: really?
Biden: I sit around the kitchen table and people
just want to know their President isn’t a muslim socialist black panther
Tapper: Is he?
Biden: no we’ve made this clear - he is not a muslim
Tapper: oh ok
Biden: it will just take time to explain what are in
the 1,000 page bills
Tapper: how bad will Democratic losses be in the fall
Biden: I have been sent out to repudiate Bob Gibbs - we’re going to the House and Senate!
Tapper: are you sure?
Biden: Look at Harry Reid - people thought he was dead until the Republicans nominated a psychotic
Tapper: good point
Tapper: is the Tea Party racist?
Biden: of course it is
Tapper: really?
Biden: no of course I have to say it isn’t a racist party - it’s merely party full of racists
Tapper: why are there no jobs?
Biden: It’s France’s fault
Tapper: Merde!
Tapper: Was the stimulus too small?
Biden: Well the Administration, Republicans,
Paul Krugman and Atrios thinks so
Tapper: and they were right!
Biden: Duh - but the Republican wouldn’t let us have a bigger one
Tapper: that’s sad
Biden: Wind! Solar! Supertrains!
Tapper: Exciting!
Biden: We’re creating jobs - not fast enough maybe but we are
Tapper: Are we going to withdraw from
Afghanistan or not?
Biden: Fuck yes! Bet. On. It.!!
Tapper: I’m suspicious
Biden: We’re going to pull out province by province
Tapper: Ok
Biden: Really I was telling the military to suck it up
Tapper: I just remember I wanted to ask you another question - what the fuck are we doing there??
Biden: Sure Jake people are being killed but that’s the lack of foliage
Tapper: Did you say fucking foliage??
Biden: Yes Osama is hiding behind some
very big trees
Tapper: Good god
Tapper: McChrystal called you Joe Bite Me
Biden: I like him because he didn’t let the door hit his ass when Obama canned that insubordinate fucker
Tapper: you didn’t take it personally?
Biden: oh no - I just told Barack to shitcan him
Tapper: Why did he hate you?
Biden: Because I don’t take a lot of shit from a bunch of preening Generals who think they are the reincarnation of George fucking Patton
Tapper: The Iraq Parliament met for 20 minutes
Biden: that’s great
Tapper: were you right that the country should be divided into three parts
Biden: yes - it’s totally fucked there
Tapper: but we’re staying
Biden: sure politics has broken out - it’s a big fucking deal!
Tapper: but it’s not working
Biden: Hey it’s took the Dutch 6 months to form
a government
Tapper: got another example?
Biden: the Netherlands too 270 days!
Tapper: that’s the same country Joe
Biden: and they have hash bars!
Tapper: what’s the larger strategy to combat islamofascism?
Biden: Build strong pro-American countries
Tapper: so going to the muslim world to build nations will make them love us
Biden: Obama can talk to them as a fellow muslim
Tapper: I thought you said he wasn’t a muslim
Biden: oh right - I meant he wasn’t a socialist
Tapper: well that much is obvious
Biden: I love me some Tapper
********************
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Meet The Press with Robert Gibbs - July 11, 2010
July 11, 2010
Guests:
Robert Gibbs (White House Press Secretary)
Rachel Maddow
Harold Ford
Ed Gillespie
David Brooks
*************************
Gregory: Bob how is the inability to stop the
BP oil gusher going?
Gibbs: well we still haven’t been able to do anything about it but we built this nifty shoe-phone
Gregory: are you confident in BP’s handling
of the situation
Gibbs: I’ve never met a bigger bunch of schmucks - and I worked on transition from the
Bush administration
Gregory: Obama says Republicans created the
mess that is the Obama administration
Gibbs: that’s right
Gregory: people think America is on the wrong track
Gibbs: in the last 6 months of 2008 the US lost 3 million jobs and now Obama is finally creating jobs
Gregory: yeah but things are still bad
Gibbs: Obama is going to visit the plant that supplies the batteries for the Mitt Romney 2000
Gregory: yeah but people can’t buy new overpriced homes and Politico says the stimulus was a communist conspiracy
Gibbs: let me repeat - Bush wrecked the economy and Obama is finally getting us out of the
damm ditch!
Gregory: but the debt!
Gibbs: was created by Republicans!
Gregory: you have to own all these problems
Gibbs: don’t drive the car into the ditch and demand the keys when we’re back on the road
Gregory: you’ve got an answer for everything
Gibbs: damm right Fluffy
Gregory: Democrats are localizing these races - doesn’t this prove Obama is a bad President
Gibbs: Hey Greggers did you know Republicans think the recent Depression was no big deal?
Gregory: but but but on the other hand I hate Obama
Gibbs: I heard you were a moron
Gregory: I don’t get it
Gibbs: all politics is local Dancin’ Dave
Gregory: Is Obama a failure or do people
expect too much?
Gibbs: We inherited a shitload of problems but I’m telling you we’re going to win in Afghanistan and then get the hell out!
Gregory: Is Obama going to raise taxes?
Gibbs: hell yeah - the rich didn’t even need those fucking tax cuts
Gregory: what will it take to bring back the
housing bubble?
Gibbs: it won’t come back as long as we’re still
in a recession
Gregory: which was caused by the housing crisis
Gibbs: well maybe those irresponsible buyers should move out of their house
Gregory: but they’re underwater
Gibbs: well according to Al Gore we all will be soon
Gregory: but the housing market
Gibbs: will come back when the economy recovers
Gregory: terrific
Gibbs: see it all makes sense
Gregory: Should I be terrified of hot red-headed Russian spies?
Gibbs: I was not terribly impressed with the idiots - it was like George W. Bush was running an international spy ring
Gregory: Obama escalated in Afghanistan and kept the state secrets privilege and went after Iran and North Korea - he’s just like Bush
Gibbs: that’s bullshit
Gregory: yes but my stupid predicate is that you
are just like Bush
Gibbs: and my answer is that you are the dumbest character on television and I include the entire
cast of Jersey Shore
Gregory: is the House in Jeopardy and please answer in the form of a question
Gibbs: it is if people want to spend the next two years apologizing to BP and Wall Street
Gregory: Would Obama trade the Cavaliers to
North Korea for nuclear weapons
Gibbs: that’s a good idea Fluff
[ break ]
Brooks: a month ago I felt the American people were happy but now I think the people hate Obama because worried about their grandchildren
Gregory: Sharron Angle is a serious economic thinker
Maddow: sure this election could be about if you are unhappy with the economy or it can be about that Sharron Angle is out of her fucking mind
Gillespie: pointing out that Republicans are insane only proves that Obama is a partisan and that he doesn’t care about jobs
Ford: we can’t dwell on the failures and crimes of
the past - if we are hemorrhaging jobs we need to cut spending and cut taxes
Gregory: it’s amazing you are unemployed
Maddow: I would like to subscribe to Harold Ford’s newsletter
Gregory: Why is Obama so mean pointing out all the mistakes of Republicans??
Maddow: Republicans are irresponsible spenders and also they fail at everything
Brooks: Republicans terrify the hell out of me
Gregory: that goes without saying
Brooks: we’re in a crisis created by Republicans which makes this a conservative moment
Gregory: good god even I think you’re a hack
Gillespie: Obama is going to raise taxes!
Maddow: you’re ranting about the debt and then you want to cut taxes
Ford: my point is cutting taxes and raising spending is really popular
Maddow: but it causes total public disasters
Ford: that is not my problem Rachel
Gregory: California and Illinois are bankrupt -
I mean it’s a real problem
Brooks: we should extend unemployment but it didn’t happen because the GOP opposes it and Democrats won’t give them all they want
Gillespie: why would you hire a new employee when you don’t know if health care reform will be enacted
Gregory: it was enacted you idiot
Gillespie: really?
Gregory: Peggy Noonan says Obama should give every American a Magic Dolphin
Ford: the reality is if America was going to elect a black President it should have been me
Maddow: oh sure
Ford: Gov. Christie is doing an awesome job
Maddow: truly you have a dizzying intellect
Gregory: Rachel you were just in Afghanistan and trying to figure out what the hell we are doing there
Maddow: we’re trying to create an Afghan government and our deadline concentrates the mind
Brooks: that deadline was too cute - but I was a strong supporter of the war and even I think we may have to leave if things don’t turn around in 10 years
Gillespie: The Bad Guys will wait us out - we need to stay until we Get The Job Done
Maddow: Honestly I don’t think spouting third-grade Hollywood gibberish is going win the war and create peace in that far off land
Gillespie: it’s all we’ve got
Gregory: and that’s the last word
**********************************
Guests:
Robert Gibbs (White House Press Secretary)
Rachel Maddow
Harold Ford
Ed Gillespie
David Brooks
*************************
Gregory: Bob how is the inability to stop the
BP oil gusher going?
Gibbs: well we still haven’t been able to do anything about it but we built this nifty shoe-phone
Gregory: are you confident in BP’s handling
of the situation
Gibbs: I’ve never met a bigger bunch of schmucks - and I worked on transition from the
Bush administration
Gregory: Obama says Republicans created the
mess that is the Obama administration
Gibbs: that’s right
Gregory: people think America is on the wrong track
Gibbs: in the last 6 months of 2008 the US lost 3 million jobs and now Obama is finally creating jobs
Gregory: yeah but things are still bad
Gibbs: Obama is going to visit the plant that supplies the batteries for the Mitt Romney 2000
Gregory: yeah but people can’t buy new overpriced homes and Politico says the stimulus was a communist conspiracy
Gibbs: let me repeat - Bush wrecked the economy and Obama is finally getting us out of the
damm ditch!
Gregory: but the debt!
Gibbs: was created by Republicans!
Gregory: you have to own all these problems
Gibbs: don’t drive the car into the ditch and demand the keys when we’re back on the road
Gregory: you’ve got an answer for everything
Gibbs: damm right Fluffy
Gregory: Democrats are localizing these races - doesn’t this prove Obama is a bad President
Gibbs: Hey Greggers did you know Republicans think the recent Depression was no big deal?
Gregory: but but but on the other hand I hate Obama
Gibbs: I heard you were a moron
Gregory: I don’t get it
Gibbs: all politics is local Dancin’ Dave
Gregory: Is Obama a failure or do people
expect too much?
Gibbs: We inherited a shitload of problems but I’m telling you we’re going to win in Afghanistan and then get the hell out!
Gregory: Is Obama going to raise taxes?
Gibbs: hell yeah - the rich didn’t even need those fucking tax cuts
Gregory: what will it take to bring back the
housing bubble?
Gibbs: it won’t come back as long as we’re still
in a recession
Gregory: which was caused by the housing crisis
Gibbs: well maybe those irresponsible buyers should move out of their house
Gregory: but they’re underwater
Gibbs: well according to Al Gore we all will be soon
Gregory: but the housing market
Gibbs: will come back when the economy recovers
Gregory: terrific
Gibbs: see it all makes sense
Gregory: Should I be terrified of hot red-headed Russian spies?
Gibbs: I was not terribly impressed with the idiots - it was like George W. Bush was running an international spy ring
Gregory: Obama escalated in Afghanistan and kept the state secrets privilege and went after Iran and North Korea - he’s just like Bush
Gibbs: that’s bullshit
Gregory: yes but my stupid predicate is that you
are just like Bush
Gibbs: and my answer is that you are the dumbest character on television and I include the entire
cast of Jersey Shore
Gregory: is the House in Jeopardy and please answer in the form of a question
Gibbs: it is if people want to spend the next two years apologizing to BP and Wall Street
Gregory: Would Obama trade the Cavaliers to
North Korea for nuclear weapons
Gibbs: that’s a good idea Fluff
[ break ]
Brooks: a month ago I felt the American people were happy but now I think the people hate Obama because worried about their grandchildren
Gregory: Sharron Angle is a serious economic thinker
Maddow: sure this election could be about if you are unhappy with the economy or it can be about that Sharron Angle is out of her fucking mind
Gillespie: pointing out that Republicans are insane only proves that Obama is a partisan and that he doesn’t care about jobs
Ford: we can’t dwell on the failures and crimes of
the past - if we are hemorrhaging jobs we need to cut spending and cut taxes
Gregory: it’s amazing you are unemployed
Maddow: I would like to subscribe to Harold Ford’s newsletter
Gregory: Why is Obama so mean pointing out all the mistakes of Republicans??
Maddow: Republicans are irresponsible spenders and also they fail at everything
Brooks: Republicans terrify the hell out of me
Gregory: that goes without saying
Brooks: we’re in a crisis created by Republicans which makes this a conservative moment
Gregory: good god even I think you’re a hack
Gillespie: Obama is going to raise taxes!
Maddow: you’re ranting about the debt and then you want to cut taxes
Ford: my point is cutting taxes and raising spending is really popular
Maddow: but it causes total public disasters
Ford: that is not my problem Rachel
Gregory: California and Illinois are bankrupt -
I mean it’s a real problem
Brooks: we should extend unemployment but it didn’t happen because the GOP opposes it and Democrats won’t give them all they want
Gillespie: why would you hire a new employee when you don’t know if health care reform will be enacted
Gregory: it was enacted you idiot
Gillespie: really?
Gregory: Peggy Noonan says Obama should give every American a Magic Dolphin
Ford: the reality is if America was going to elect a black President it should have been me
Maddow: oh sure
Ford: Gov. Christie is doing an awesome job
Maddow: truly you have a dizzying intellect
Gregory: Rachel you were just in Afghanistan and trying to figure out what the hell we are doing there
Maddow: we’re trying to create an Afghan government and our deadline concentrates the mind
Brooks: that deadline was too cute - but I was a strong supporter of the war and even I think we may have to leave if things don’t turn around in 10 years
Gillespie: The Bad Guys will wait us out - we need to stay until we Get The Job Done
Maddow: Honestly I don’t think spouting third-grade Hollywood gibberish is going win the war and create peace in that far off land
Gillespie: it’s all we’ve got
Gregory: and that’s the last word
**********************************
This Week with Jake Tapper - July 11, 2010
Guest:
David Axelrod - Presidential Advisor
Rep. Gutierrez
Rep. Bilbray
***********************
Tapper: David why does everyone hate Obama?
Axelrod: If I had to guess I would say it’s because Bush left us a horrible recession
Tapper: fair point
Axelrod: Republicans costs us 3 million jobs, blew a surplus, started two wars and a financial meltdown
Tapper: perhaps so - but white people think
he’s a slacker
Axelrod: oh bullshit if the economy was roaring people would love him
Tapper: how can you get anything done if you
can’t do anything?
Axelrod: oh no we still may be able to persuade Republicans to cut taxes
Tapper: dare to dream
Axelrod: not only that - Obama went to a plant in Missouri that makes bumper cars - we control
the global market in useless shit
Tapper: 70% of Americans think the stimulus failed
Axelrod: because the Bush recession was that bad!
Tapper: are the American people stupid?
Axelrod: Two and Half Men is the number one
sitcom and you have to ask?
Tapper: White businessmen say Obama is a Marxist and they refuse to create new jobs until he arrests all the black panthers
Axelrod: well Bush must have been in the Shining Path because they eliminated 3 million jobs when
he was President
Tapper: good point
Axelrod: and by the way lack of regulation caused the financial meltdown in the first place - not to mention BP!
Tapper: is the President worried that BP experts
may not be rocket scientists?
Axelrod: oh no they’re clearly on top of the situation
Tapper: really - cause they seem like idiots
Axelrod: well yeah
Tapper: OMG a recess appointment violates the Constitution!!
Axelrod: you’re shitting me right
Tapper: yes but you’re setting the stage for GOP Presidents to act unethically and outside the law
Axelrod: [ spit take ] It’s a little late for that
Tapper: yeah but you’re playing games - he
could have had a hearing
Axelrod: I really don’t give a shit
Tapper: General Petraeus wants to train an army of Village Idiots but Hamid Karzai says that cuts
in on his action
Axelrod: there’s plenty of room for both
Tapper: Did Obama lean on Blago to make Val Jarrett a Senator
Axelrod: maybe
Tapper: yes or no
Axelrod: so what if he did?
Tapper: I dunno
Axelrod: well there you go
[ break ]
Tapper: Luis is Mexican crime contaminating the purity of Arizona?
Gutierrez: some would say American drug addiction is causing crime in Mexico!
Tapper: Jan Brewer says most immigrants are coming to the U.S. to behead Americans
Bilbray: well that is not true but in fairness Gov. Brewer has seen her state become the kidnap
capital of the world
Tapper: that’s a lie as well
Bilbray: whatever - the point is there are too many illegals employed in Chicago
Gutierrez: fuck the border - the point is people overstay their visa
Bilbray: Mastercard too
Gutierrez: an American job: priceless
Tapper: what should we do with 12 million people here already?
Bilbray: first we stop paying people to be illegal and then we give deportation a chance
Tapper: would you deport 12 million and put them
in the back of the line?
Bilbray: we can’t reward illegal behavior!
Tapper: should we arrest Dick Cheney, Wall Street and BP executives?
Bilbray: oh noe!
Gutierrez: these people have been here for 20 years and have American children
Bilbray: well they’re not going to deport themselves
Gutierrez: finally we agree
Bilbray: well they might if we ask them nicely
Tapper: hell let’s all go
***********************
David Axelrod - Presidential Advisor
Rep. Gutierrez
Rep. Bilbray
***********************
Tapper: David why does everyone hate Obama?
Axelrod: If I had to guess I would say it’s because Bush left us a horrible recession
Tapper: fair point
Axelrod: Republicans costs us 3 million jobs, blew a surplus, started two wars and a financial meltdown
Tapper: perhaps so - but white people think
he’s a slacker
Axelrod: oh bullshit if the economy was roaring people would love him
Tapper: how can you get anything done if you
can’t do anything?
Axelrod: oh no we still may be able to persuade Republicans to cut taxes
Tapper: dare to dream
Axelrod: not only that - Obama went to a plant in Missouri that makes bumper cars - we control
the global market in useless shit
Tapper: 70% of Americans think the stimulus failed
Axelrod: because the Bush recession was that bad!
Tapper: are the American people stupid?
Axelrod: Two and Half Men is the number one
sitcom and you have to ask?
Tapper: White businessmen say Obama is a Marxist and they refuse to create new jobs until he arrests all the black panthers
Axelrod: well Bush must have been in the Shining Path because they eliminated 3 million jobs when
he was President
Tapper: good point
Axelrod: and by the way lack of regulation caused the financial meltdown in the first place - not to mention BP!
Tapper: is the President worried that BP experts
may not be rocket scientists?
Axelrod: oh no they’re clearly on top of the situation
Tapper: really - cause they seem like idiots
Axelrod: well yeah
Tapper: OMG a recess appointment violates the Constitution!!
Axelrod: you’re shitting me right
Tapper: yes but you’re setting the stage for GOP Presidents to act unethically and outside the law
Axelrod: [ spit take ] It’s a little late for that
Tapper: yeah but you’re playing games - he
could have had a hearing
Axelrod: I really don’t give a shit
Tapper: General Petraeus wants to train an army of Village Idiots but Hamid Karzai says that cuts
in on his action
Axelrod: there’s plenty of room for both
Tapper: Did Obama lean on Blago to make Val Jarrett a Senator
Axelrod: maybe
Tapper: yes or no
Axelrod: so what if he did?
Tapper: I dunno
Axelrod: well there you go
[ break ]
Tapper: Luis is Mexican crime contaminating the purity of Arizona?
Gutierrez: some would say American drug addiction is causing crime in Mexico!
Tapper: Jan Brewer says most immigrants are coming to the U.S. to behead Americans
Bilbray: well that is not true but in fairness Gov. Brewer has seen her state become the kidnap
capital of the world
Tapper: that’s a lie as well
Bilbray: whatever - the point is there are too many illegals employed in Chicago
Gutierrez: fuck the border - the point is people overstay their visa
Bilbray: Mastercard too
Gutierrez: an American job: priceless
Tapper: what should we do with 12 million people here already?
Bilbray: first we stop paying people to be illegal and then we give deportation a chance
Tapper: would you deport 12 million and put them
in the back of the line?
Bilbray: we can’t reward illegal behavior!
Tapper: should we arrest Dick Cheney, Wall Street and BP executives?
Bilbray: oh noe!
Gutierrez: these people have been here for 20 years and have American children
Bilbray: well they’re not going to deport themselves
Gutierrez: finally we agree
Bilbray: well they might if we ask them nicely
Tapper: hell let’s all go
***********************
Sunday, July 04, 2010
This Week with Jake Tapper - July 4, 2010
Guests:
Sen. John McCain (R-AZ)
Paul Krugman
Dan Senor
Al Hunt
Jorge Ramos
Cynthia Tucker
***********************
Tapper: Senator McCain why the fuck is the
Taliban winning after 9 fucking years of war??
McCain: well it turns out we wasted 8 years attacking the wrong country in Iraq but now is the time to get bogged down in another useless land war in Asia
Tapper: should Obama double the number of
troops in Afghanistan?
McCain: of course but what I worry about more
than anything else is the July 2011 withdraw date and also the lack of pudding
Tapper: oh?
McCain: it sounds an uncertain trumpet
Tapper: I see
McCain: Our enemies won’t fear us if they
think we are ever leaving
Tapper: what kind of trumpet did Bush sound?
McCain: fuck Bush and Rummy - we need to
surge in Iraq and Afghanistan!
Tapper: oh ok
McCain: we should never withdraw until we win!
Tapper: great
McCain: also things are going really badly in Afghanistan which means we should never leave
Tapper: but General Petraeus says he agrees with Obama’s policy - is he an idiot?
McCain: I know about warfare and the enemy will wait until we leave to unleash their dastardlyness
Tapper: should Obama fire Eikenberry?
McCain: Look we won in Iraq and we can do that
in Afghanistan if we just never leave
Tapper: are we going to stop the random killing
in the next 7 months
McCain: gee I sure hope so because it sucks now
Tapper: it seems like it
McCain: we can’t lose in Afghanistan because it would be bad for the region and the people want us there and also Taliban! Al-qaeda! 9/11!
Tapper: Michael Steele says Obama was crazy
for invading Afghanistan
McCain: I’m a Ronald Reagan Republican
Tapper: you’re a senile phony?
McCain: Matlock!
Tapper: what about corruption?
McCain: Look a few Congressmen are always going to take bribes that’s just how DC works
Tapper: I mean Afghanistan
McCain: oh that too
Tapper: Should we withdraw for Iraq or would
that be surrender?
McCain: oh now it’s a great idea - sure there are problems but they’ll work it out - it’s time declare victory and go home
Tapper: You were in favor of immigration reform and now that you’re in a primary with a Tea Party nut
you flip-floppped
McCain: 23,000 Mexicans have been killed in Arizona - there was no violence in 2007 and now Arizona is an Official Human Smuggling Area
Tapper: fascinating
McCain: I invite the President to come to Arizona and see what a living hell it is
Tapper: yeah I’ve seen the all-you-can-eat salad bars at 4:30 pm
McCain: I love those
Tapper: aren’t you pandering to the most racist elements of your party?
McCain: Phoenix is the number two kidnapping capital in the world
Tapper: dear god
McCain: in the last 48 months Arizona has turned in "Matlock: Beyond Thunderdome"!
Tapper: Dan is Michael Steele fucking insane?
Senor: he’s a Moveon.org surrendering loser! It’s indefensible!
Tapper: what’s the worst thing he did?
Senor: he’s unserious
Tapper: OMG!!
Ramos: are we fully committed to that war or are we withdrawing?? It’s crazy!!
Tapper: the DNC says Steele is undermining
troop morale
Krugman: that was stupid - their morale is undermined by being trapped in a useless war
Tapper: this is America’s longest war and we haven’t even gotten any nice beaches out of it!
Hunt: I’ll let you in on a little secret - everyone in
D.C. hates this stupid war
Tapper: except for McCain
Hunt: Steele is probably a Democratic mole
Tapper: so was Joe Lieberman
Tucker: the Republican party needed a black face and they don’t have a very deep minority bench -
it’s ironic since they always whine about affirmative action
Senor: hold on a minute - sure everyone knows the war is insane but it’s admirable that no one in DC is willing to say that because you must cheer the troops and the American Empire
Tapper: wow you really are nuts
Senor: [ waves foam finger ] USA! USA! USA!
Tapper: so we all agree that chair of the RNC is certifiable
Panel: oh yeah absolutely
Tapper: In June we lost 125,000 jobs - what’s
going on Paul?
Krugman: we need more stimulus and I said so and I was proven fucking right
Tapper: oh
Krugman: and it’s going to fade out soon - jesus shit
Tapper: are we going to double dip the chip?
Krugman: it won’t be a “recession” technically it
will be “Giant Bummer”
Tapper: can we get a new stimulus?
Tucker: are you fucking kidding? We can’t even get them to pass unemployment extension!
Tapper: good point
Tucker: of course the GOP want economic failure - but the Dems stupidity here is puzzling
Tapper: but the deficit!
Tucker: no one gives a shit about the goddamm deficit!
Senor: but look at Greece!
Tapper: it’s a beautiful country where the women are sexy and men are hot
Stephanoplous: that’s true
Senor: ok how about Japan - who would live there!?
Krugman: Senor is lying his ass off
Senor: we need to cut taxes!
Krugman: [ smacks forehead ]
Cripes cutting spending now would be batshit insane - borrowing 500 billion now help and worrying about at debt of 20.5 trillion is crazy!
Tapper: go Paul go!
Krugman: They’re insincere! In the long run we’re all fucking dead!
Hunt: the stimulus was a bunch of bank bailouts and helping car companies which was terrible
Tapper: did the stimulus fail?
Krugman: half stimulus is worse than nothing because you can’t get another one later! Motherfuckers!
Tapper: oh my
Krugman: the world is panicking over
Invisible Bond Zombies!
Tapper: Roger Moore and George Lazenby?
Krugman: Ireland made savage cuts and the debt is still high but guess what - their economy shrank!
Tucker: the worst way to cut the debt is to keep people unemployed and Obama is sending mixed messages
Senor: you may be right but greedy people
are worried the debt
Krugman: he’s lying again!
Tapper: we all know that
Krugman: Reagan fucked up but he stuck to his guns while Obama splits the difference - shit!
Tapper: Immigration?
Ramos: Obama broke his promise - now I know he’s doesn’t have 60 votes in the Senate but we’re frustrated and something needs to be done
Hunt: he’s trying for Hispanic votes now - and in his defense the GOP are lunatics
Tapper: fascinating
Hunt: immigrants don’t come here to commit crimes -- John McCain is either lying or insane
Tapper: or both
Senor: Sure McCain is a cynical bastard but when Obama was a Senator personally wrecked a Kennedy-McCain bill
Tapper: wow he really was powerful
Senor: the best thing for Hispanics would be a Republican majority
Hunt: I’d like to point out that Senor
is lying
Tucker: I would also like to echo that Dan Senor is lying
Krugman: what she said
Tapper: well he probably is - thanks for watching
Sen. John McCain (R-AZ)
Paul Krugman
Dan Senor
Al Hunt
Jorge Ramos
Cynthia Tucker
***********************
Tapper: Senator McCain why the fuck is the
Taliban winning after 9 fucking years of war??
McCain: well it turns out we wasted 8 years attacking the wrong country in Iraq but now is the time to get bogged down in another useless land war in Asia
Tapper: should Obama double the number of
troops in Afghanistan?
McCain: of course but what I worry about more
than anything else is the July 2011 withdraw date and also the lack of pudding
Tapper: oh?
McCain: it sounds an uncertain trumpet
Tapper: I see
McCain: Our enemies won’t fear us if they
think we are ever leaving
Tapper: what kind of trumpet did Bush sound?
McCain: fuck Bush and Rummy - we need to
surge in Iraq and Afghanistan!
Tapper: oh ok
McCain: we should never withdraw until we win!
Tapper: great
McCain: also things are going really badly in Afghanistan which means we should never leave
Tapper: but General Petraeus says he agrees with Obama’s policy - is he an idiot?
McCain: I know about warfare and the enemy will wait until we leave to unleash their dastardlyness
Tapper: should Obama fire Eikenberry?
McCain: Look we won in Iraq and we can do that
in Afghanistan if we just never leave
Tapper: are we going to stop the random killing
in the next 7 months
McCain: gee I sure hope so because it sucks now
Tapper: it seems like it
McCain: we can’t lose in Afghanistan because it would be bad for the region and the people want us there and also Taliban! Al-qaeda! 9/11!
Tapper: Michael Steele says Obama was crazy
for invading Afghanistan
McCain: I’m a Ronald Reagan Republican
Tapper: you’re a senile phony?
McCain: Matlock!
Tapper: what about corruption?
McCain: Look a few Congressmen are always going to take bribes that’s just how DC works
Tapper: I mean Afghanistan
McCain: oh that too
Tapper: Should we withdraw for Iraq or would
that be surrender?
McCain: oh now it’s a great idea - sure there are problems but they’ll work it out - it’s time declare victory and go home
Tapper: You were in favor of immigration reform and now that you’re in a primary with a Tea Party nut
you flip-floppped
McCain: 23,000 Mexicans have been killed in Arizona - there was no violence in 2007 and now Arizona is an Official Human Smuggling Area
Tapper: fascinating
McCain: I invite the President to come to Arizona and see what a living hell it is
Tapper: yeah I’ve seen the all-you-can-eat salad bars at 4:30 pm
McCain: I love those
Tapper: aren’t you pandering to the most racist elements of your party?
McCain: Phoenix is the number two kidnapping capital in the world
Tapper: dear god
McCain: in the last 48 months Arizona has turned in "Matlock: Beyond Thunderdome"!
Tapper: Dan is Michael Steele fucking insane?
Senor: he’s a Moveon.org surrendering loser! It’s indefensible!
Tapper: what’s the worst thing he did?
Senor: he’s unserious
Tapper: OMG!!
Ramos: are we fully committed to that war or are we withdrawing?? It’s crazy!!
Tapper: the DNC says Steele is undermining
troop morale
Krugman: that was stupid - their morale is undermined by being trapped in a useless war
Tapper: this is America’s longest war and we haven’t even gotten any nice beaches out of it!
Hunt: I’ll let you in on a little secret - everyone in
D.C. hates this stupid war
Tapper: except for McCain
Hunt: Steele is probably a Democratic mole
Tapper: so was Joe Lieberman
Tucker: the Republican party needed a black face and they don’t have a very deep minority bench -
it’s ironic since they always whine about affirmative action
Senor: hold on a minute - sure everyone knows the war is insane but it’s admirable that no one in DC is willing to say that because you must cheer the troops and the American Empire
Tapper: wow you really are nuts
Senor: [ waves foam finger ] USA! USA! USA!
Tapper: so we all agree that chair of the RNC is certifiable
Panel: oh yeah absolutely
Tapper: In June we lost 125,000 jobs - what’s
going on Paul?
Krugman: we need more stimulus and I said so and I was proven fucking right
Tapper: oh
Krugman: and it’s going to fade out soon - jesus shit
Tapper: are we going to double dip the chip?
Krugman: it won’t be a “recession” technically it
will be “Giant Bummer”
Tapper: can we get a new stimulus?
Tucker: are you fucking kidding? We can’t even get them to pass unemployment extension!
Tapper: good point
Tucker: of course the GOP want economic failure - but the Dems stupidity here is puzzling
Tapper: but the deficit!
Tucker: no one gives a shit about the goddamm deficit!
Senor: but look at Greece!
Tapper: it’s a beautiful country where the women are sexy and men are hot
Stephanoplous: that’s true
Senor: ok how about Japan - who would live there!?
Krugman: Senor is lying his ass off
Senor: we need to cut taxes!
Krugman: [ smacks forehead ]
Cripes cutting spending now would be batshit insane - borrowing 500 billion now help and worrying about at debt of 20.5 trillion is crazy!
Tapper: go Paul go!
Krugman: They’re insincere! In the long run we’re all fucking dead!
Hunt: the stimulus was a bunch of bank bailouts and helping car companies which was terrible
Tapper: did the stimulus fail?
Krugman: half stimulus is worse than nothing because you can’t get another one later! Motherfuckers!
Tapper: oh my
Krugman: the world is panicking over
Invisible Bond Zombies!
Tapper: Roger Moore and George Lazenby?
Krugman: Ireland made savage cuts and the debt is still high but guess what - their economy shrank!
Tucker: the worst way to cut the debt is to keep people unemployed and Obama is sending mixed messages
Senor: you may be right but greedy people
are worried the debt
Krugman: he’s lying again!
Tapper: we all know that
Krugman: Reagan fucked up but he stuck to his guns while Obama splits the difference - shit!
Tapper: Immigration?
Ramos: Obama broke his promise - now I know he’s doesn’t have 60 votes in the Senate but we’re frustrated and something needs to be done
Hunt: he’s trying for Hispanic votes now - and in his defense the GOP are lunatics
Tapper: fascinating
Hunt: immigrants don’t come here to commit crimes -- John McCain is either lying or insane
Tapper: or both
Senor: Sure McCain is a cynical bastard but when Obama was a Senator personally wrecked a Kennedy-McCain bill
Tapper: wow he really was powerful
Senor: the best thing for Hispanics would be a Republican majority
Hunt: I’d like to point out that Senor
is lying
Tucker: I would also like to echo that Dan Senor is lying
Krugman: what she said
Tapper: well he probably is - thanks for watching
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Meet the Press - June 27, 2010
Guests:
Sen. John McCain (R-AZ)
Rep. Barbara Lee (D- )
Barry McCaffrey
Thomas Ricks
Sebastian Junger
Wes Moore
******************************
Gregory: Is there a real military solution
to Afghanistan?
Engel: no - we have to make a political deal
with Pakistan
Gregory: were the troops upset that McChrystal
was fired?
Engel: no they think he was a weasel who wouldn’t let them fight
Gregory: Sain McCain was Obama right to fire
MC Cristal?
McCain: oh yeah the guy is a total dick and I
should know
Gregory: but wasn’t McChrystal right - Obama is
a bad president!!
McCain: look we all blow off steam by calling
the boss an idiot
Meet the Press staff: that’s true
McCain: but you can’t do that in public and get
away with it
Gregory: let’s talk about the fight ahead
McCain: Afghanistan or Iraq?
Gregory: I meant my fight against Obama
McCain: oh ok
Gregory: well how is it going in Afghanistan?
McCain: it’s the same as it was for the last nine years - an absolutely terrible waste of human life
and resources
Gregory: so what should we do?
McCain: clearly we can never ever leave
Gregory: Senator we’ve been there for years with nothing to show for it!
McCain: sure but Saint Petraeus will finally get us our of there
Gregory: how so?
McCain: by convincing the enemy that we are
never leaving
Gregory: why is it so easy for the Taliban to get supporters?
McCain: because people think we might leave which is why we can never leave
Gregory: that makes sense
McCain: I’m not saying it’s not going to long and hard and difficult
Gregory: going to be??
McCain: Ho Chi Minh!!
Gregory: all the Generals support the deadline
McCain: well I don’t
Gregory: should they speak out if they don’t?
McCain: yes!
Gregory: well they didn’t
McCain: they are cowards and they don’t know military strategy like I do
Gregory: what do you want Obama to do?
McCain: issue a statement saying we will leave in 2011 but only because we’ve won not for any other reason - this will greatly confuse our enemies
Gregory: they won’t be the only ones
McCain: the Taliban pay very close attention
to what we all say and they love to parse our
idiotic statements
Gregory: that alone could bog them done and prevent them from fighting
McCain: it would change the war entirely if Obama issued a statement saying we are never leaving unless we want to leave on July 12, 2011
Gregory: what do we win in Afghanistan
McCain: we stabilize a region, kill terrorists, and tell the world that American will stick with a war no matter who useless or stupid it is
Gregory: what the best argument for staying?
McCain: Kids who come home as quadruple amputees
Gregory: so do we stay forever or do we ever leave?
McCain: yes we can leave
Gregory: when?
McCain: when it’s happy and peaceful and there’s no corruption and well I could go on and on
Gregory: will you vote for Elena Kagan?
McCain: no she weakened the military by not banning competent gay soldiers
Gregory: how’s it going in Arizona?
McCain: since I became a Senator kidnapping and murders are way way up
Gregory: are most Mexicans drug dealers?
McCain: oh no maybe half at the most
[ break ]
Gregory: Congresswoman Lee John McCain says we to put more troops in Afghanistan
Lee: good lord - this is the longest war in American history and we need to get the hell out of there!
Gregory: but Obama is leaving just when things
are getting good!
Lee: oh my god that’s crazy
Gregory: but maybe we should stay just for
the hell of it
Lee: cripes you’re a loony
Gregory: Joe Klein says we should keep our soldiers there forever
McCaffrey: he’s right - the Afghan government is clearly incompetent and useless so we should stay
Moore: no one wants to leave more than me
Gregory: so at least you think we should leave?
Moore: oh no I think we should stay
Gregory: why?
Moore: we’re finally winning!
Junger: I’ve been there since 1996 - and those hippies who want to end our longest useless should know that the Afghan people want us to stay
forever and ever
Gregory: there could be a civil war if we pull out!
Junger: right in Afghanistan it’s very dangerous-
Gregory: I meant the U.S.
Ricks: the soldiers knew McChrystal was toast but the Beltway still liked him because pundits are idiots
Gregory: what d you think should Obama do?
Ricks: he’s got to double down and send more troops to Afghanistan!
Gregory: Congresswoman don’t you agree Obama must double the troops in Afghanistan and how can and he work to make that happen?
Lee: lord almighty this is insane
Junger: 90% of Afghans love America
McCaffrey: it would be a catastrophe for the people of Afghanistan if America were to not occupy
that country
Ricks: we’re beloved there except for the child rape
Gregory: America’s enemy is gambling that America is not going to stay for ever and ever
Moore: Afghans would join their government and their army and support us except they don’t know who Karzai is or that they have a country
Gregory: I can’t help but notice that we have no actual reason to be there
Lee: Al-qaeda is not based out of some cave in Afghanistan you dick-waving idiots!
Junger: if we pull out al-qaeda will get control of the airport
- including the duty-free shops!
Ricks: if you want an endless war leave Afghanistan - if you want the war to end then we should stay
Gregory: of course
Ricks: if we leave Afghanistan will still be there -
we can’t accept that!
Gregory: how are our soldiers doing after 9 years?
Junger: they’re not scared anymore - after the first 500 firefights you get numb
McCaffrey: they way out is to build an Afghan army
Lee: I come from a military family and I have a crazy idea - maybe the best way to help troops is to end the war and get out!
Gregory: Tom how does this end?
Ricks: never - we need to keep our overstretched troops dying in the middle east to permanently maintain the oil empire
Gregory: awesome
***********************
Virtually Speaking Sundays
A Reality-Based Counterpoint to
the Sunday Talk Shows
VIRTUALLY SPEAKING SUNDAYS
A REALITY BASED COUNTERPOINT TO THE SUNDAY MORNING TALKING HEADS
Sunday, June 27, 5PM pacific, 8pm eastern
Simulcast on BlogTalkRadio
Subscribe via iTunes
* * * * * * * * * * * *
This Week: Avedon Carol & Digby
Avedon Carol writes about American politics, captured media, captured government, censorship and health care. An anti-censorship and civil liberties campaigner, she is a sex crimes researcher , a former health counsellor and member of Feminists Against Censorship.
Digby is an American political blogger and founder of the liberal blog Hullabaloo, digby has contributed to Campaign For America's Future's blog The Big Con, Salon Magazine, Eschaton and Huffington Post, Crooks and Liars and Firedoglake.
Sen. John McCain (R-AZ)
Rep. Barbara Lee (D- )
Barry McCaffrey
Thomas Ricks
Sebastian Junger
Wes Moore
******************************
Gregory: Is there a real military solution
to Afghanistan?
Engel: no - we have to make a political deal
with Pakistan
Gregory: were the troops upset that McChrystal
was fired?
Engel: no they think he was a weasel who wouldn’t let them fight
Gregory: Sain McCain was Obama right to fire
MC Cristal?
McCain: oh yeah the guy is a total dick and I
should know
Gregory: but wasn’t McChrystal right - Obama is
a bad president!!
McCain: look we all blow off steam by calling
the boss an idiot
Meet the Press staff: that’s true
McCain: but you can’t do that in public and get
away with it
Gregory: let’s talk about the fight ahead
McCain: Afghanistan or Iraq?
Gregory: I meant my fight against Obama
McCain: oh ok
Gregory: well how is it going in Afghanistan?
McCain: it’s the same as it was for the last nine years - an absolutely terrible waste of human life
and resources
Gregory: so what should we do?
McCain: clearly we can never ever leave
Gregory: Senator we’ve been there for years with nothing to show for it!
McCain: sure but Saint Petraeus will finally get us our of there
Gregory: how so?
McCain: by convincing the enemy that we are
never leaving
Gregory: why is it so easy for the Taliban to get supporters?
McCain: because people think we might leave which is why we can never leave
Gregory: that makes sense
McCain: I’m not saying it’s not going to long and hard and difficult
Gregory: going to be??
McCain: Ho Chi Minh!!
Gregory: all the Generals support the deadline
McCain: well I don’t
Gregory: should they speak out if they don’t?
McCain: yes!
Gregory: well they didn’t
McCain: they are cowards and they don’t know military strategy like I do
Gregory: what do you want Obama to do?
McCain: issue a statement saying we will leave in 2011 but only because we’ve won not for any other reason - this will greatly confuse our enemies
Gregory: they won’t be the only ones
McCain: the Taliban pay very close attention
to what we all say and they love to parse our
idiotic statements
Gregory: that alone could bog them done and prevent them from fighting
McCain: it would change the war entirely if Obama issued a statement saying we are never leaving unless we want to leave on July 12, 2011
Gregory: what do we win in Afghanistan
McCain: we stabilize a region, kill terrorists, and tell the world that American will stick with a war no matter who useless or stupid it is
Gregory: what the best argument for staying?
McCain: Kids who come home as quadruple amputees
Gregory: so do we stay forever or do we ever leave?
McCain: yes we can leave
Gregory: when?
McCain: when it’s happy and peaceful and there’s no corruption and well I could go on and on
Gregory: will you vote for Elena Kagan?
McCain: no she weakened the military by not banning competent gay soldiers
Gregory: how’s it going in Arizona?
McCain: since I became a Senator kidnapping and murders are way way up
Gregory: are most Mexicans drug dealers?
McCain: oh no maybe half at the most
[ break ]
Gregory: Congresswoman Lee John McCain says we to put more troops in Afghanistan
Lee: good lord - this is the longest war in American history and we need to get the hell out of there!
Gregory: but Obama is leaving just when things
are getting good!
Lee: oh my god that’s crazy
Gregory: but maybe we should stay just for
the hell of it
Lee: cripes you’re a loony
Gregory: Joe Klein says we should keep our soldiers there forever
McCaffrey: he’s right - the Afghan government is clearly incompetent and useless so we should stay
Moore: no one wants to leave more than me
Gregory: so at least you think we should leave?
Moore: oh no I think we should stay
Gregory: why?
Moore: we’re finally winning!
Junger: I’ve been there since 1996 - and those hippies who want to end our longest useless should know that the Afghan people want us to stay
forever and ever
Gregory: there could be a civil war if we pull out!
Junger: right in Afghanistan it’s very dangerous-
Gregory: I meant the U.S.
Ricks: the soldiers knew McChrystal was toast but the Beltway still liked him because pundits are idiots
Gregory: what d you think should Obama do?
Ricks: he’s got to double down and send more troops to Afghanistan!
Gregory: Congresswoman don’t you agree Obama must double the troops in Afghanistan and how can and he work to make that happen?
Lee: lord almighty this is insane
Junger: 90% of Afghans love America
McCaffrey: it would be a catastrophe for the people of Afghanistan if America were to not occupy
that country
Ricks: we’re beloved there except for the child rape
Gregory: America’s enemy is gambling that America is not going to stay for ever and ever
Moore: Afghans would join their government and their army and support us except they don’t know who Karzai is or that they have a country
Gregory: I can’t help but notice that we have no actual reason to be there
Lee: Al-qaeda is not based out of some cave in Afghanistan you dick-waving idiots!
Junger: if we pull out al-qaeda will get control of the airport
- including the duty-free shops!
Ricks: if you want an endless war leave Afghanistan - if you want the war to end then we should stay
Gregory: of course
Ricks: if we leave Afghanistan will still be there -
we can’t accept that!
Gregory: how are our soldiers doing after 9 years?
Junger: they’re not scared anymore - after the first 500 firefights you get numb
McCaffrey: they way out is to build an Afghan army
Lee: I come from a military family and I have a crazy idea - maybe the best way to help troops is to end the war and get out!
Gregory: Tom how does this end?
Ricks: never - we need to keep our overstretched troops dying in the middle east to permanently maintain the oil empire
Gregory: awesome
***********************
Virtually Speaking Sundays
A Reality-Based Counterpoint to
the Sunday Talk Shows
VIRTUALLY SPEAKING SUNDAYS
A REALITY BASED COUNTERPOINT TO THE SUNDAY MORNING TALKING HEADS
Sunday, June 27, 5PM pacific, 8pm eastern
Simulcast on BlogTalkRadio
Subscribe via iTunes
* * * * * * * * * * * *
This Week: Avedon Carol & Digby
Avedon Carol writes about American politics, captured media, captured government, censorship and health care. An anti-censorship and civil liberties campaigner, she is a sex crimes researcher , a former health counsellor and member of Feminists Against Censorship.
Digby is an American political blogger and founder of the liberal blog Hullabaloo, digby has contributed to Campaign For America's Future's blog The Big Con, Salon Magazine, Eschaton and Huffington Post, Crooks and Liars and Firedoglake.
ABC's This Week with guest CIA Director Panetta
June 27, 2010
Host:
Jake Tapper
Guest: Leon Panetta - CIA Director
***************************************
Tapper: the USA is the greatest country in the
world - so of course we are threatened in every corner of the globe
Panetta: of course
Tapper: this has been the deadliest month ever
for NATO forces - what the hell is going in Afghanistan Leon?
Panetta: lots of heroin production Tapper
Tapper: but what about our military efforts?
Panetta: we have 150,000 troops to go after
15 guys in Al Qaeda there
Tapper: that seems like overkill
Panetta: well it won’t work anyway - it’s all up
to the people of Afghanistan to embrace
the US empire
Tapper: will they?
Panetta: things are getting less worse
Tapper: is the Taliban stronger than when
Obama took office?
Panetta: well sure - but on the bright side we
killed that fascist weirdo who went around
dressed as a woman
Tapper: Rudy Giuliani?
Panetta: damm right
Tapper: what does winning in Afghanistan look like?
Panetta: no safe haven to al-qaeda or
al-qaeda-like products
Tapper: how do we do that?
Panetta: an Extreme National Makeover
Tapper: where is Osama bin Laden?
Panetta: he’s hiding in a land of violent crazed fanatics with the most difficult terrain in the world
Tapper: he’s in Arizona?
Panetta: somewhere near Flagstaff
Tapper: how come we can’t find him?
Panetta: he keeps switching cell phone plans -
he’s very wily
Tapper: what about home-grown terrorists?
Panetta: the more success we have against terrorists the more they attack us
Tapper: genius
Panetta: also they cleverly use people who have never committed a terror attack before
Tapper: so if they used people who had already been terrorists it would be easier for you?
Panetta: I should say so!
Tapper: is Obama assassinating Americans abroad?
Panetta: that dungeons & dragons playing loon declared war on America!
Tapper: but he’s an American citizen
Panetta: yes but he’s committed atrocities
Tapper: like torture?
Panetta: heh no comment
Tapper: are the extremists interested in reconciliation?
Panetta: we have seen no evidence that they are
at all interested in renouncing extreme rhetoric
and joining the political process
Tapper: but the Taliban says-
Panetta: I was talking about the Tea Party
Tapper: is the CIA breaking the law?
Panetta: heavens no - anyone who says that is dead
... wrong
Tapper: Iran is going to build a nuclear bomb!
Panetta: we have an big international coalition against them
Tapper: will that deter them?
Panetta: Probably not
Tapper: what are their intentions?
Panetta: they plan on finishing the nuke next year
Tapper: scary
Panetta: they have to obey international law which says its illegal to have nuclear weapons
Tapper: I did not know that
Panetta: they should just be responsible and build lots of defective nuclear power plans like everyone else in the family of energy hogging nations
Tapper: is Israel going to attack Iran?
Panetta: oh no no - they have such a history
of restraint
Tapper: is North Korea going to attack America?
Panetta: they are trying to establish credibility for the idiot son with no military experience by invading a country for no reason
Tapper: gosh that’s crazy
Tapper: you just gave Blackwater a huge contract even though they are essentially a criminal enterprise
Panetta: I asked the CIA to review our files and
make sure that we don’t contract out any murders
or atrocities
Tapper: you do that yourselves
Panetta: absolutely
Tapper: but why hire them now?
Panetta: we had no choice - they had a lower bid than the Shining Path or the Gambino crime family
Tapper: are CIA officials immune for their crimes?
Panetta: pretty much
Tapper: how do you sleep at night knowing all
the horrible things the government does
Panetta: it’s very inspiring knowing how dedicated out torturers are
Tapper: what really scary threat is the media not reporting enough?
Panetta: well people should know their town
could be nuked at any time
Tapper: well sure
Panetta: and also Twitter could be hacked
Tapper: oh my god!!
***********************
Host:
Jake Tapper
Guest: Leon Panetta - CIA Director
***************************************
Tapper: the USA is the greatest country in the
world - so of course we are threatened in every corner of the globe
Panetta: of course
Tapper: this has been the deadliest month ever
for NATO forces - what the hell is going in Afghanistan Leon?
Panetta: lots of heroin production Tapper
Tapper: but what about our military efforts?
Panetta: we have 150,000 troops to go after
15 guys in Al Qaeda there
Tapper: that seems like overkill
Panetta: well it won’t work anyway - it’s all up
to the people of Afghanistan to embrace
the US empire
Tapper: will they?
Panetta: things are getting less worse
Tapper: is the Taliban stronger than when
Obama took office?
Panetta: well sure - but on the bright side we
killed that fascist weirdo who went around
dressed as a woman
Tapper: Rudy Giuliani?
Panetta: damm right
Tapper: what does winning in Afghanistan look like?
Panetta: no safe haven to al-qaeda or
al-qaeda-like products
Tapper: how do we do that?
Panetta: an Extreme National Makeover
Tapper: where is Osama bin Laden?
Panetta: he’s hiding in a land of violent crazed fanatics with the most difficult terrain in the world
Tapper: he’s in Arizona?
Panetta: somewhere near Flagstaff
Tapper: how come we can’t find him?
Panetta: he keeps switching cell phone plans -
he’s very wily
Tapper: what about home-grown terrorists?
Panetta: the more success we have against terrorists the more they attack us
Tapper: genius
Panetta: also they cleverly use people who have never committed a terror attack before
Tapper: so if they used people who had already been terrorists it would be easier for you?
Panetta: I should say so!
Tapper: is Obama assassinating Americans abroad?
Panetta: that dungeons & dragons playing loon declared war on America!
Tapper: but he’s an American citizen
Panetta: yes but he’s committed atrocities
Tapper: like torture?
Panetta: heh no comment
Tapper: are the extremists interested in reconciliation?
Panetta: we have seen no evidence that they are
at all interested in renouncing extreme rhetoric
and joining the political process
Tapper: but the Taliban says-
Panetta: I was talking about the Tea Party
Tapper: is the CIA breaking the law?
Panetta: heavens no - anyone who says that is dead
... wrong
Tapper: Iran is going to build a nuclear bomb!
Panetta: we have an big international coalition against them
Tapper: will that deter them?
Panetta: Probably not
Tapper: what are their intentions?
Panetta: they plan on finishing the nuke next year
Tapper: scary
Panetta: they have to obey international law which says its illegal to have nuclear weapons
Tapper: I did not know that
Panetta: they should just be responsible and build lots of defective nuclear power plans like everyone else in the family of energy hogging nations
Tapper: is Israel going to attack Iran?
Panetta: oh no no - they have such a history
of restraint
Tapper: is North Korea going to attack America?
Panetta: they are trying to establish credibility for the idiot son with no military experience by invading a country for no reason
Tapper: gosh that’s crazy
Tapper: you just gave Blackwater a huge contract even though they are essentially a criminal enterprise
Panetta: I asked the CIA to review our files and
make sure that we don’t contract out any murders
or atrocities
Tapper: you do that yourselves
Panetta: absolutely
Tapper: but why hire them now?
Panetta: we had no choice - they had a lower bid than the Shining Path or the Gambino crime family
Tapper: are CIA officials immune for their crimes?
Panetta: pretty much
Tapper: how do you sleep at night knowing all
the horrible things the government does
Panetta: it’s very inspiring knowing how dedicated out torturers are
Tapper: what really scary threat is the media not reporting enough?
Panetta: well people should know their town
could be nuked at any time
Tapper: well sure
Panetta: and also Twitter could be hacked
Tapper: oh my god!!
***********************
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