Sunday, July 04, 2010

This Week with Jake Tapper - July 4, 2010

Sen. John McCain (R-AZ)
Paul Krugman
Dan Senor
Al Hunt
Jorge Ramos
Cynthia Tucker

Tapper: Senator McCain why the fuck is the
Taliban winning after 9 fucking years of war??

McCain: well it turns out we wasted 8 years attacking the wrong country in Iraq but now is the time to get bogged down in another useless land war in Asia

Tapper: should Obama double the number of
troops in Afghanistan?

McCain: of course but what I worry about more
than anything else is the July 2011 withdraw date and also the lack of pudding

Tapper: oh?

McCain: it sounds an uncertain trumpet

Tapper: I see

McCain: Our enemies won’t fear us if they
think we are ever leaving

Tapper: what kind of trumpet did Bush sound?

McCain: fuck Bush and Rummy - we need to
surge in Iraq and Afghanistan!

Tapper: oh ok

McCain: we should never withdraw until we win!

Tapper: great

McCain: also things are going really badly in Afghanistan which means we should never leave

Tapper: but General Petraeus says he agrees with Obama’s policy - is he an idiot?

McCain: I know about warfare and the enemy will wait until we leave to unleash their dastardlyness

Tapper: should Obama fire Eikenberry?

McCain: Look we won in Iraq and we can do that
in Afghanistan if we just never leave

Tapper: are we going to stop the random killing
in the next 7 months

McCain: gee I sure hope so because it sucks now

Tapper: it seems like it

McCain: we can’t lose in Afghanistan because it would be bad for the region and the people want us there and also Taliban! Al-qaeda! 9/11!

Tapper: Michael Steele says Obama was crazy
for invading Afghanistan

McCain: I’m a Ronald Reagan Republican

Tapper: you’re a senile phony?

McCain: Matlock!

Tapper: what about corruption?

McCain: Look a few Congressmen are always going to take bribes that’s just how DC works

Tapper: I mean Afghanistan

McCain: oh that too

Tapper: Should we withdraw for Iraq or would
that be surrender?

McCain: oh now it’s a great idea - sure there are problems but they’ll work it out - it’s time declare victory and go home

Tapper: You were in favor of immigration reform and now that you’re in a primary with a Tea Party nut
you flip-floppped

McCain: 23,000 Mexicans have been killed in Arizona - there was no violence in 2007 and now Arizona is an Official Human Smuggling Area

Tapper: fascinating

McCain: I invite the President to come to Arizona and see what a living hell it is

Tapper: yeah I’ve seen the all-you-can-eat salad bars at 4:30 pm

McCain: I love those

Tapper: aren’t you pandering to the most racist elements of your party?

McCain: Phoenix is the number two kidnapping capital in the world

Tapper: dear god

McCain: in the last 48 months Arizona has turned in "Matlock: Beyond Thunderdome"!

Tapper: Dan is Michael Steele fucking insane?

Senor: he’s a surrendering loser! It’s indefensible!

Tapper: what’s the worst thing he did?

Senor: he’s unserious

Tapper: OMG!!

Ramos: are we fully committed to that war or are we withdrawing?? It’s crazy!!

Tapper: the DNC says Steele is undermining
troop morale

Krugman: that was stupid - their morale is undermined by being trapped in a useless war

Tapper: this is America’s longest war and we haven’t even gotten any nice beaches out of it!

Hunt: I’ll let you in on a little secret - everyone in
D.C. hates this stupid war

Tapper: except for McCain

Hunt: Steele is probably a Democratic mole

Tapper: so was Joe Lieberman

Tucker: the Republican party needed a black face and they don’t have a very deep minority bench -
it’s ironic since they always whine about affirmative action

Senor: hold on a minute - sure everyone knows the war is insane but it’s admirable that no one in DC is willing to say that because you must cheer the troops and the American Empire

Tapper: wow you really are nuts

Senor: [ waves foam finger ] USA! USA! USA!

Tapper: so we all agree that chair of the RNC is certifiable

Panel: oh yeah absolutely

Tapper: In June we lost 125,000 jobs - what’s
going on Paul?

Krugman: we need more stimulus and I said so and I was proven fucking right

Tapper: oh

Krugman: and it’s going to fade out soon - jesus shit

Tapper: are we going to double dip the chip?

Krugman: it won’t be a “recession” technically it
will be “Giant Bummer”

Tapper: can we get a new stimulus?

Tucker: are you fucking kidding? We can’t even get them to pass unemployment extension!

Tapper: good point

Tucker: of course the GOP want economic failure - but the Dems stupidity here is puzzling

Tapper: but the deficit!

Tucker: no one gives a shit about the goddamm deficit!

Senor: but look at Greece!

Tapper: it’s a beautiful country where the women are sexy and men are hot

Stephanoplous: that’s true

Senor: ok how about Japan - who would live there!?

Krugman: Senor is lying his ass off

Senor: we need to cut taxes!

Krugman: [ smacks forehead ]

Cripes cutting spending now would be batshit insane - borrowing 500 billion now help and worrying about at debt of 20.5 trillion is crazy!

Tapper: go Paul go!

Krugman: They’re insincere! In the long run we’re all fucking dead!

Hunt: the stimulus was a bunch of bank bailouts and helping car companies which was terrible

Tapper: did the stimulus fail?

Krugman: half stimulus is worse than nothing because you can’t get another one later! Motherfuckers!

Tapper: oh my

Krugman: the world is panicking over
Invisible Bond Zombies!

Tapper: Roger Moore and George Lazenby?

Krugman: Ireland made savage cuts and the debt is still high but guess what - their economy shrank!

Tucker: the worst way to cut the debt is to keep people unemployed and Obama is sending mixed messages

Senor: you may be right but greedy people
are worried the debt

Krugman: he’s lying again!

Tapper: we all know that

Krugman: Reagan fucked up but he stuck to his guns while Obama splits the difference - shit!

Tapper: Immigration?

Ramos: Obama broke his promise - now I know he’s doesn’t have 60 votes in the Senate but we’re frustrated and something needs to be done

Hunt: he’s trying for Hispanic votes now - and in his defense the GOP are lunatics

Tapper: fascinating

Hunt: immigrants don’t come here to commit crimes -- John McCain is either lying or insane

Tapper: or both

Senor: Sure McCain is a cynical bastard but when Obama was a Senator personally wrecked a Kennedy-McCain bill

Tapper: wow he really was powerful

Senor: the best thing for Hispanics would be a Republican majority

Hunt: I’d like to point out that Senor
is lying

Tucker: I would also like to echo that Dan Senor is lying

Krugman: what she said

Tapper: well he probably is - thanks for watching

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Loved this:

Tapper: what about corruption?

McCain: Look a few Congressmen are always going to take bribes that’s just how DC works

Tapper: I mean Afghanistan

McCain: oh that too