Guests:
Christina Romer (Director White House Council of Economic Advisors)
Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-CT)
Rep. Jane Harman (D-CA)
David Remnick
Richard Stengel
*****************
Gregory: wow - America actually had job growth
for the first time since Stupid left office
Romer: not too shabby Fluffy
Gregory: why is unemployment so high?
Romer: because this is the worst
recession in history
Gregory: Bush was that bad huh?
Romer: yes he really was
Gregory: even Democratic Congresspeople
says you’re out of touch
Romer: oh bull - we’ve passed stimulus, cash for cars, tax credits for hiring, home buyer tax credits, no capital gains tax, a tax cut for news versions of “CSI”-
Gregory: some say that stimulus was good
but not good enough
Romer: wow that’s bold
Gregory: people like things that are good
Romer: um yeah
Gregory: some say Obama is anti-business
Romer: I heard you were a moron
Gregory: why should anyone build a factory?!
Romer: gee I don’t know - maybe to build shit
people want?
Gregory: but I heard an anecdote that
Obama’s health plan sucks!
Romer: Calm down Fluffy
Gregory: there are lines around the block to
buy the iPad!
Romer: thank god for steve jobs
Gregory: can we have a recovery fueled by
mindless spending on useless shit?
Romer: if so we might as well send all
our cash to China now
Greogry: shockingly the GOP doesn’t support regulating Wall Street
Romer: stunning indeed
Gregory: is China manipulating their currency?
Romer: maybe
Gregory: yes or no?!?!
Romer: you’re a true idiot
Gregory: should Dems campaign on turning the economy around?
Romer: absolutely - who wouldn’t want to take
credit for 10% unemployment?!
[ break ]
Gregory: OMG the terrorists are attacking in Iraq!
Lieberman: that’s a sign that we’re winning
Gregory: oh?
Lieberman: indeed - but also a sign we should never leave and also that Iran is swarthy and dangerous
Harman: I agree with Joe except it also means we should never leave Afghanistan
Gregory: we have new airport security rules to look for and I quote ‘scary people’
Chertoff: that’s right - but will the Dutch also screen for swarthyness?
Harman: it turns out banning all fliers from 25 nations was kind of stupid
Gregory: oh?
Harman: Jihad Jane - ha!
Gregory: New Yorkers must have their bags inspected because of Chechnya
Lieberman: oh yeah it’s all trains nowadays
- they’re the biggest targets by far
Gregory: that’s frightening
Lieberman: it’s absolutely terrifying Fluffy
Gregory: should we give accused terrorists a
fair trial or a kangaroo court?
Chertoff: if you catch someone in a battlefield then
a fair trial is too difficult
Harman: bullshit - the death eater is wrong
Lieberman: fuck the rule of law - we need the
Rule of War!
Gregory: is that a video game?
Lieberman: yeah it’s awesome
Gregory: the Hutaree are part of greater increase in utter lunatics since Obama divided our nation by becoming President
Lieberman: yes both parties are too blame - we need centrist bipartisanship - but the real threat is that we will pay attention to this and ignore swarthy terrorists
Gregory: that is disturbing
Harman: Hey Joe guess what - these are terrorists with IEDs and everything
Lieberman: they can’t be real terrorists
- they don’t have dark mustaches
Chertoff: the militia nuts are just like animal
rights terrorists
Gregory: oh of course
Chertoff: hey America succumbed to terrorism
in 2001 so why no adopt those tactics
Gregory: what about Iran?
Lieberman: there has never been an expansionist dangerous country with nuclear weapons in history!
Gregory: what about the USSR?
Lieberman: fuck that shit - we have to go
to war!!!
Harman: the real test is what the UN will do - will they pull the trigger or will those fuckers cave again!?!?
Gregory: you seem upset - do you want to go
to war with Iran too?
Harman: no
Gregory: ok
Harman: I want to go to war with Yemen!!!
Gregory: oh my
[ break ]
Gregory: guys Obama is winning but he’s still unpopular
Remnick: well unemployment is still high
- so not too bad
Stengel: 2 weeks ago he was the worst president ever - now he’s the next FDR
Gregory: What kind of President is he?
Remnick: he’s a centrist and conciliator - but he’s going to have to get tough on Iran and the global warming deniers
Stengel: Obama took his eye on the ball which
is the economy
Gregory: that’s genius Ricky
Stengel: not that he can really create jobs anyway
Gregory: he’s too robotic and unfeeling isn’t he?
Remnick: don’t be silly Fluffy - he’s President and a
policymaker not your mother
Gregory: but he gives a me a sad
Remnick: jeebus he just had a huge win Greggers
Gregory: he even reached out to the teabaggers!
Stengel: the teabaggers basically speak for all America when they are disenchanted with government and believe Obama is a New
Guinean witch doctor
Gregory: David is Obama black or white?
Remnick: neither - he’s a Vulcan
Gregory: I see
Remnick: he wants to President of the whole country - even the crazy people
Gregory: lucky for him that’s a majority
Gregory: he always wanted to be a transformational figure
Stengel: he wants to part of a transformation of America where we judge people not by the color of your skin but how smart you are
Gregory: no wonder the teabaggers are so mad
Stengel: Mandela spent his first year not calming blacks down but trying to reassure white people
Gregory: wow he is like Barack
Stengel: Mandela is now freakishly serene and calm - almost as much Obama
Remnick: he sits in meetings and absorbs information and processes it
Gregory: so is he a Vulcan or an android?
Stengel: to succeed he needs to be a more touchy-feely leader
Gregory: they should install an emotion chip
Stengel: indeed although that could be dangerous
Gregory: Obama 2.0!
***********************
Sunday, April 04, 2010
This Week - April 4, 2010
Host:
Jake Tapper
Guests:
Larry Summers (White House Economic Advisor)
Alan Greenspan
**********************
Tapper: we have the best economy in three years! So how much does Obama suck? We’ll ask Larry ‘the Hulk’ Summers.
Larry where are the jobs?
Summers: hey a year ago we were losing 600,000 jobs a month and now are gaining jobs means we have to do more
Tapper: like what?
Summers: we have to get heedless
unrestrained lending going again
Tapper: anything else?
Summers: tax credits!
Tapper: so you have had temporary success
- but let’s assume you fail
Summers: ok
Tapper: aha - so you admit Obama failed!
Summers: you’re dumb - as you sure you’re
not a woman?
Tapper: just give me the facts fat man
Summers: as conditions get better people start looking for work and then count as unemployed
Tapper: well how were you counting them before?
Summers: the Happy Homeless
Tapper: Is China manipulating their currency?
Summers: yes they’re using the five finger touch
of death
Tapper: those wily orientals
Summers: can you finally regulate Wall Street?
Summers: hey it’s not easy - Wall St. lobbyists have hired 2 prostitutes for every Congressman
Tapper: that seems redundant
Summers: ha - good one Jake
Tapper: Some Democrats say financial regulation doesn’t go far enough
Summers: this is a good bill - it limits risky trades
by the ‘too big to fail’ banks
Tapper: how so?
Summers: they can only gamble eleventy trillion dollars of taxpayer money
Tapper: are going to quit or be pushed out?
Summers: no I love presiding over the worst economy since Egypt lost the Jewish slaves
[ break ]
Tapper: ok old man - give me some of that Randian wisdom
Greenspan: building inventory is self-reinforcing
and so we are on the edge of an awesome
inventory bubble
Tapper: when do you think the real estate bubble
will pop?
Greenspan: when? dude my mansion is worthless - it’s already popped!
Tapper: you can’t sell your house at all?
Greenspan: no one wants an Ayn Rand-shaped swimming pool
Tapper: will the health care bill ruin America?
Greenspan: the CBO says no but the Fifth Rule
of Acquisition says we must ask ‘what if we are wrong’?
Tapper: did you ever ask that when you were advocating right-wing policies?
Greenspan: I can’t remember - do you have
any pudding?
Tapper: no I don’t - do you support the
Volcker Rule?
Greenspan: no because banks have to do stupid wasteful shit or they wouldn’t have anything to
do at all
Tapper: haven’t Ayn Rand and mindless capitalism been proven to be nothing more sociopathic insanity and completely disastrous?
Greenspan: not at all - look at all the wonderful effects of shock capitalism is the third world!
Tapper: so will you be moving to Somalia?
Greenspan: Andrea and I built a summer home
on Pitcairn Island
Tapper: nice
Greenspan: I was wrong about everything but
in my defense so was everyone else I know at the Objectivist society
Tapper: so you seem like an out of touch idiot
Greenspan: some people were right but for the wrong reasons - they just got lucky
Tapper: ok
Greenspan: it’s better to be wrong and believe
in the right things
Tapper: oh so you are a Republican
Jake Tapper
Guests:
Larry Summers (White House Economic Advisor)
Alan Greenspan
**********************
Tapper: we have the best economy in three years! So how much does Obama suck? We’ll ask Larry ‘the Hulk’ Summers.
Larry where are the jobs?
Summers: hey a year ago we were losing 600,000 jobs a month and now are gaining jobs means we have to do more
Tapper: like what?
Summers: we have to get heedless
unrestrained lending going again
Tapper: anything else?
Summers: tax credits!
Tapper: so you have had temporary success
- but let’s assume you fail
Summers: ok
Tapper: aha - so you admit Obama failed!
Summers: you’re dumb - as you sure you’re
not a woman?
Tapper: just give me the facts fat man
Summers: as conditions get better people start looking for work and then count as unemployed
Tapper: well how were you counting them before?
Summers: the Happy Homeless
Tapper: Is China manipulating their currency?
Summers: yes they’re using the five finger touch
of death
Tapper: those wily orientals
Summers: can you finally regulate Wall Street?
Summers: hey it’s not easy - Wall St. lobbyists have hired 2 prostitutes for every Congressman
Tapper: that seems redundant
Summers: ha - good one Jake
Tapper: Some Democrats say financial regulation doesn’t go far enough
Summers: this is a good bill - it limits risky trades
by the ‘too big to fail’ banks
Tapper: how so?
Summers: they can only gamble eleventy trillion dollars of taxpayer money
Tapper: are going to quit or be pushed out?
Summers: no I love presiding over the worst economy since Egypt lost the Jewish slaves
[ break ]
Tapper: ok old man - give me some of that Randian wisdom
Greenspan: building inventory is self-reinforcing
and so we are on the edge of an awesome
inventory bubble
Tapper: when do you think the real estate bubble
will pop?
Greenspan: when? dude my mansion is worthless - it’s already popped!
Tapper: you can’t sell your house at all?
Greenspan: no one wants an Ayn Rand-shaped swimming pool
Tapper: will the health care bill ruin America?
Greenspan: the CBO says no but the Fifth Rule
of Acquisition says we must ask ‘what if we are wrong’?
Tapper: did you ever ask that when you were advocating right-wing policies?
Greenspan: I can’t remember - do you have
any pudding?
Tapper: no I don’t - do you support the
Volcker Rule?
Greenspan: no because banks have to do stupid wasteful shit or they wouldn’t have anything to
do at all
Tapper: haven’t Ayn Rand and mindless capitalism been proven to be nothing more sociopathic insanity and completely disastrous?
Greenspan: not at all - look at all the wonderful effects of shock capitalism is the third world!
Tapper: so will you be moving to Somalia?
Greenspan: Andrea and I built a summer home
on Pitcairn Island
Tapper: nice
Greenspan: I was wrong about everything but
in my defense so was everyone else I know at the Objectivist society
Tapper: so you seem like an out of touch idiot
Greenspan: some people were right but for the wrong reasons - they just got lucky
Tapper: ok
Greenspan: it’s better to be wrong and believe
in the right things
Tapper: oh so you are a Republican
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Meet The Press - March 28, 2010
Chuck Schumer: (D-NY)
Lindsey Graham (R-SC)
Bob Shrum
Jon Meachem
Doris Goodwin
Mike Murphy
*************************
Gregory: Chuck AT&T proved this week that
I was right all along - people are going to lose
their insurance!
Schumer: No that’s a lie - just like death panels
and killing grandma
Gregory: Lindsey how do answer the charge
that Republicans were right?
Graham: that’s a good tough question Gregory - Democrats are eliminating Medicare, student loans, and AT&T will have stop delivering the great customer service they are known for - it’s Armeygeddon!
Gregory: so will you repeal the law?
Graham: yes we will force the Democrats to
double funding for Medicare
Schumer: ha - oh noes!
Graham: states will have empty referendums
on this bill!
Gregory: Chuck this bill costs $93 billion a year!
Schumer: that’s not very much Fluffy
Gregory: how do you answer the charge that this bill cuts the deficit but doesn’t cut it enough
Schumer: if we did nothing it would be
worse bubblehead
Gregory: the CBO, the Concord Coalition and
Count von Count from Sesame Street all say this will cut the debt - but how can that possibly be true when you cover millions of people?
Schumer: I heard you were a moron
Graham: I heard that too!
Schumer: from me
Schumer: Look Dancin’ Dave in the long run this
will cut a trillion dollars from the debt
Gregory: Chuck the middle class Americans are terrified that you will take away their health care and give it to an undeserving poor brown person
Schumer: well they’ve been fed a bunch of
bullshit for a year
Gregory: I have no idea how that could that happen in our intrepid media environment
Graham: this is a giant Ponzi scheme - this will
cut doctors!
Schumer: Good - there are a lot of crappy doctors out there x-raying people for money
Gregory: interesting
Schumer: we will discipline Doctors!
Graham: No Republican voted for this because
the CBO is full of liars!
Gregory: that’s a recent development I take it
Graham: you pay for health care with insurance payments - it’s a house of cards!
Gregory: fascinating
Graham: he’s an out-of-control leftist - he’s helped General Motors, fixed student loans and given people insurance - the GOP will not lets this
Marxist abomination stand!
Gregory: doesn’t calling Obama a Totalitarian lead to people cutting gas lines to Congressmen’s house?
Graham: well some people think it’s justified when he governs from the left ditch but you shouldn’t use the n-word
Gregory: Chuck have opponents gone
too far?
Schumer: ‘Have they’? What are you fucking nuts?? Yes Fluffy with attempted murder they have gone
too far
Graham: Democrats have poisoned the well by giving people health insurance without admitting Obama is a Kenyan Witch Doctor
Schumer: I disagree - we can have bipartisanship
on admitting only the right and good people into this country
Gregory: how do I know it’s a good idea?
Schumer: Lou Dobbs and Bill O’Reilly support it
Gregory: wow!
Graham: Recess appointments are a tool of the devil
Schumer: blow me
Graham: ok Chuck
[ break ]
Gregory: health care is a big fucking deal!
Shrum: Teddy knew it would happen
Gregory: Do we put Obama Mt. Rushmore now?
Meacham: this changes the narrative that we
talk about
Gregory: oh I see
Meacham: it also proves pundits are largely stupid
Gregory: so sad
Meacham: it’s also possible cutting gas lines and attempted murder is an overreaction to giving people health insurance
Murphy: this bill couldn’t pass a hypothetical non-existent GOP Congress
Gregory: wow
Gregory: years ago people attacked Social Security with epithets
Goodwin: a win like this emboldens a President
and a party
Gregory: but people hate this bill
Goodwin: you have to win public sentiment
Gregory: what can we learn from Obama’s failures?
Shrum: he made a lot of mistakes - but you know maybe the guy isn’t so dumb after all
Murphy: this is was a total failure of leadership - just like on Star Trek - you can’t get ahead of public opinion - you have to lead
Gregory: I want the drugs you’re on
Gregory: there’s the substance and the perception
Goodwin: we know what you care about Fluffy
Meachem: it’s terrible when John Lewis can’t walk across Capitol Hill without being spit on
Gregory: maybe the tea baggers just have bad allergies
Meachem: the tea baggers have the passion but the Progressives got this bill enacted
Goodwin: white people are terrified that black people are getting something
Gregory: the Democrats are doomed by antagonizing uneducated racists
Shrum: for god’s sake this is Mitt Romney’s bill
Murphy: no no it isn’t
Gregory: I feel something is being taken away
from me
Murphy: people hate labor but we need an agenda beyond ‘look - a black man in the white house!’
Gregory: has the Tea Party taken over the GOP?
Meacham: As Churchill once said, “What the fuck
is it with those whackjobs?”
Gregory: interesting
Meach: As Madison once said, “If men were angels, they would fly around in robes and get shot from helicopters by Sarah Palin”
Goodwin: People is mad!
Gregory: true
Goodwin: as LBJ once said, “Doris, do I look
good naked?”
Murphy: Everyone hates Obama except for Democrats, liberals, progressives, urban voters, the East coast, African-Americans, Hispanics, gays, the educated, young, students, 32 million uninsured-
Gregory: ok ok that’s all time we have
******************
Lindsey Graham (R-SC)
Bob Shrum
Jon Meachem
Doris Goodwin
Mike Murphy
*************************
Gregory: Chuck AT&T proved this week that
I was right all along - people are going to lose
their insurance!
Schumer: No that’s a lie - just like death panels
and killing grandma
Gregory: Lindsey how do answer the charge
that Republicans were right?
Graham: that’s a good tough question Gregory - Democrats are eliminating Medicare, student loans, and AT&T will have stop delivering the great customer service they are known for - it’s Armeygeddon!
Gregory: so will you repeal the law?
Graham: yes we will force the Democrats to
double funding for Medicare
Schumer: ha - oh noes!
Graham: states will have empty referendums
on this bill!
Gregory: Chuck this bill costs $93 billion a year!
Schumer: that’s not very much Fluffy
Gregory: how do you answer the charge that this bill cuts the deficit but doesn’t cut it enough
Schumer: if we did nothing it would be
worse bubblehead
Gregory: the CBO, the Concord Coalition and
Count von Count from Sesame Street all say this will cut the debt - but how can that possibly be true when you cover millions of people?
Schumer: I heard you were a moron
Graham: I heard that too!
Schumer: from me
Schumer: Look Dancin’ Dave in the long run this
will cut a trillion dollars from the debt
Gregory: Chuck the middle class Americans are terrified that you will take away their health care and give it to an undeserving poor brown person
Schumer: well they’ve been fed a bunch of
bullshit for a year
Gregory: I have no idea how that could that happen in our intrepid media environment
Graham: this is a giant Ponzi scheme - this will
cut doctors!
Schumer: Good - there are a lot of crappy doctors out there x-raying people for money
Gregory: interesting
Schumer: we will discipline Doctors!
Graham: No Republican voted for this because
the CBO is full of liars!
Gregory: that’s a recent development I take it
Graham: you pay for health care with insurance payments - it’s a house of cards!
Gregory: fascinating
Graham: he’s an out-of-control leftist - he’s helped General Motors, fixed student loans and given people insurance - the GOP will not lets this
Marxist abomination stand!
Gregory: doesn’t calling Obama a Totalitarian lead to people cutting gas lines to Congressmen’s house?
Graham: well some people think it’s justified when he governs from the left ditch but you shouldn’t use the n-word
Gregory: Chuck have opponents gone
too far?
Schumer: ‘Have they’? What are you fucking nuts?? Yes Fluffy with attempted murder they have gone
too far
Graham: Democrats have poisoned the well by giving people health insurance without admitting Obama is a Kenyan Witch Doctor
Schumer: I disagree - we can have bipartisanship
on admitting only the right and good people into this country
Gregory: how do I know it’s a good idea?
Schumer: Lou Dobbs and Bill O’Reilly support it
Gregory: wow!
Graham: Recess appointments are a tool of the devil
Schumer: blow me
Graham: ok Chuck
[ break ]
Gregory: health care is a big fucking deal!
Shrum: Teddy knew it would happen
Gregory: Do we put Obama Mt. Rushmore now?
Meacham: this changes the narrative that we
talk about
Gregory: oh I see
Meacham: it also proves pundits are largely stupid
Gregory: so sad
Meacham: it’s also possible cutting gas lines and attempted murder is an overreaction to giving people health insurance
Murphy: this bill couldn’t pass a hypothetical non-existent GOP Congress
Gregory: wow
Gregory: years ago people attacked Social Security with epithets
Goodwin: a win like this emboldens a President
and a party
Gregory: but people hate this bill
Goodwin: you have to win public sentiment
Gregory: what can we learn from Obama’s failures?
Shrum: he made a lot of mistakes - but you know maybe the guy isn’t so dumb after all
Murphy: this is was a total failure of leadership - just like on Star Trek - you can’t get ahead of public opinion - you have to lead
Gregory: I want the drugs you’re on
Gregory: there’s the substance and the perception
Goodwin: we know what you care about Fluffy
Meachem: it’s terrible when John Lewis can’t walk across Capitol Hill without being spit on
Gregory: maybe the tea baggers just have bad allergies
Meachem: the tea baggers have the passion but the Progressives got this bill enacted
Goodwin: white people are terrified that black people are getting something
Gregory: the Democrats are doomed by antagonizing uneducated racists
Shrum: for god’s sake this is Mitt Romney’s bill
Murphy: no no it isn’t
Gregory: I feel something is being taken away
from me
Murphy: people hate labor but we need an agenda beyond ‘look - a black man in the white house!’
Gregory: has the Tea Party taken over the GOP?
Meacham: As Churchill once said, “What the fuck
is it with those whackjobs?”
Gregory: interesting
Meach: As Madison once said, “If men were angels, they would fly around in robes and get shot from helicopters by Sarah Palin”
Goodwin: People is mad!
Gregory: true
Goodwin: as LBJ once said, “Doris, do I look
good naked?”
Murphy: Everyone hates Obama except for Democrats, liberals, progressives, urban voters, the East coast, African-Americans, Hispanics, gays, the educated, young, students, 32 million uninsured-
Gregory: ok ok that’s all time we have
******************
This Week with Jarrett, Rendell, Barbour - March 28, 2010
Host:
Jake Tapper
Guests:
Valerie Jarrett - White House Advisor
Gov. Ed Rendell (D-PA)
Gov. Haley Barbour (R-MS)
**********************
Tapper: Hi Valerie is it true that Iran is about to violate international law by building nuclear bombs which we have thousands of?
Jarrett: yes and we’re going to kick Iranian ass!
Tapper: but don’t you convey weakness?
Jarrett: hell no Jack!
Tapper: when we will spank Iran?
Jarrett: next week - Obama’s rolling!
Tapper: speaking of that - Obama had a big success this week - how do you respond to the charge
that Obama is a big failure for enacting this unpopular bill?
Jarrett: when people see all the kittens and puppies in this law they will change their tune Jake
Tapper: AT&T says they will lose one billion dollars so then they can’t hire more customer service people to ignore you
Jarrett: Those big corporations are getting massive subsidies and deducting them from their taxes and we’re changing that - no wonder they’re whining
and crying
Tapper: the CBO says this is a good law but let’s assume it’s a total failure - is Obama willing to apologize to the American people for this
horrible law?
Jarrett: um, what?
Tapper: Teabaggers are attacking people using threats and violence - isn’t it inappropriate for Democrats to point that out?
Jarrett: no it’s not
Tapper: but it’s so uncivil and inappropriate!
Jarrett: you like that word don’t you
Tapper: I’m very appropriate at all times
Jarrett: yes I see
Tapper: is there a strong bond of love with
Obama and Bibi?
Jarrett: oh sure
Tapper: really cause I heard they hate each
other’s guts
Jarrett: yes but in a loving friendly way
[ break ]
Tapper: Gov. Barbour you say making people buy health insurance is unconstitutional but law-takers says that’s ignorant and pathetic grandstanding
Barbour: suddenly I’m very concerned about far-reaching powers of the federal government
- like what if every American had to buy a gun
NRA: hey that’s a damm good idea dammit
Rendell: the legal argument is stupid - they only reason the mandate is there is because we kept
the insurance system in intact
Tapper: if we give people health care won’t we
run out of doctors?
Rendell: No we have millions of doctors out
there doing nothing
Tapper: Oh?
Rendell: See we have a lot of unemployed PhDs in America - we just empower them to treat people and problem solved
Tapper: Do we really want people who wrote a thesis on medieval iconography in Jane Austen diaries performing surgery?
Rendell: don’t be silly - only art history majors will
be cutting into people
Gregory: Haley Barbour Mississippi is a fat unhealthy mess of a state - why would you sue to stop health care?
Barbour: That is all true but the problem is not a lack of insurance - it’s that most people here eat deep-fried lard in cream sauce
Tapper: that sounds tasty
Barbour: we were just about to pass real health care reform when that damm Obama came along!
Tapper: Ed everyone hates you - aren’t Democrats doomed?
Rendell: No people are going to like this bill and we’re not as fucked as people think we are - maybe
Tapper: Barbour it looks like the GOP blew it and people make like this law after all
Barbour: The Big Corporations are going to lose money - it’s so so so sad
Tapper: ok
Barbour: Candidly the liberal media is giving
oral sex to Obama
Rendell: no offense to you Jake but the media has been pounding Obama in the ass
Tapper: Isn’t David Paterson ruining the Democratic party nationwide?
Rendell: well he is a weasel but the Lt. Governor wasn’t elected
Tapper: Paterson wasn’t either
Rendell: yes he was idiot
Barbour: you can’t trust the CBO demmit
Tapper: ok ok
**********************
Jake Tapper
Guests:
Valerie Jarrett - White House Advisor
Gov. Ed Rendell (D-PA)
Gov. Haley Barbour (R-MS)
**********************
Tapper: Hi Valerie is it true that Iran is about to violate international law by building nuclear bombs which we have thousands of?
Jarrett: yes and we’re going to kick Iranian ass!
Tapper: but don’t you convey weakness?
Jarrett: hell no Jack!
Tapper: when we will spank Iran?
Jarrett: next week - Obama’s rolling!
Tapper: speaking of that - Obama had a big success this week - how do you respond to the charge
that Obama is a big failure for enacting this unpopular bill?
Jarrett: when people see all the kittens and puppies in this law they will change their tune Jake
Tapper: AT&T says they will lose one billion dollars so then they can’t hire more customer service people to ignore you
Jarrett: Those big corporations are getting massive subsidies and deducting them from their taxes and we’re changing that - no wonder they’re whining
and crying
Tapper: the CBO says this is a good law but let’s assume it’s a total failure - is Obama willing to apologize to the American people for this
horrible law?
Jarrett: um, what?
Tapper: Teabaggers are attacking people using threats and violence - isn’t it inappropriate for Democrats to point that out?
Jarrett: no it’s not
Tapper: but it’s so uncivil and inappropriate!
Jarrett: you like that word don’t you
Tapper: I’m very appropriate at all times
Jarrett: yes I see
Tapper: is there a strong bond of love with
Obama and Bibi?
Jarrett: oh sure
Tapper: really cause I heard they hate each
other’s guts
Jarrett: yes but in a loving friendly way
[ break ]
Tapper: Gov. Barbour you say making people buy health insurance is unconstitutional but law-takers says that’s ignorant and pathetic grandstanding
Barbour: suddenly I’m very concerned about far-reaching powers of the federal government
- like what if every American had to buy a gun
NRA: hey that’s a damm good idea dammit
Rendell: the legal argument is stupid - they only reason the mandate is there is because we kept
the insurance system in intact
Tapper: if we give people health care won’t we
run out of doctors?
Rendell: No we have millions of doctors out
there doing nothing
Tapper: Oh?
Rendell: See we have a lot of unemployed PhDs in America - we just empower them to treat people and problem solved
Tapper: Do we really want people who wrote a thesis on medieval iconography in Jane Austen diaries performing surgery?
Rendell: don’t be silly - only art history majors will
be cutting into people
Gregory: Haley Barbour Mississippi is a fat unhealthy mess of a state - why would you sue to stop health care?
Barbour: That is all true but the problem is not a lack of insurance - it’s that most people here eat deep-fried lard in cream sauce
Tapper: that sounds tasty
Barbour: we were just about to pass real health care reform when that damm Obama came along!
Tapper: Ed everyone hates you - aren’t Democrats doomed?
Rendell: No people are going to like this bill and we’re not as fucked as people think we are - maybe
Tapper: Barbour it looks like the GOP blew it and people make like this law after all
Barbour: The Big Corporations are going to lose money - it’s so so so sad
Tapper: ok
Barbour: Candidly the liberal media is giving
oral sex to Obama
Rendell: no offense to you Jake but the media has been pounding Obama in the ass
Tapper: Isn’t David Paterson ruining the Democratic party nationwide?
Rendell: well he is a weasel but the Lt. Governor wasn’t elected
Tapper: Paterson wasn’t either
Rendell: yes he was idiot
Barbour: you can’t trust the CBO demmit
Tapper: ok ok
**********************
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Meet the Press - March 21, 2010
Guests:
Rep. Steny Hoyer
Rep. John Boehner
Tim Kaine (Chair, DNC)
Michael Steele (Chair, RNC)
Anita Dunn
Ed Gillespie
Chuck Todd
Tavis Smiley
*****************
Gregory: Steny do you have the votes?
Hoyer: god I hope so - I bet my family fortune on it and on Kansas in the office NCAA pool
Gregory: I’m sorry to hear that
Hoyer: we have the votes - maybe
Gregory: will you hold the vote anyway?
Hoyer: we will hold a vote today and we will
have the votes! I’m pretty sure!
Boehner: any bill which the GOP doesn't vote
for must be bad
Gregory: that makes sense
Boehner: this bill will ruin America!
Hoyer: just like Clinton’s 1993 budget did?
Boehner: right
Gregory: the American people hate this bill
Hoyer: no they don’t - you lie about that every week
Gregory: [ smugly grinning ]
my selected poll says they do
Hoyer: I don’t care what General Electric says
Boehner: the Democrats are stealing money
from Medicare!
Hoyer: what an idiot you are
Boehner: Obama’s Health Czar will seize your body
Gregory: I’m stunned that the Teabaggers are
racist, homophobic lunatics
Boehner: let’s not let a few bad apples take away from the fact that Obama is an African witch doctor who wants to kill your white grandmother
Gregory: that is scary
Hoyer: this bill will help small businesses, expand insurance, and give every American a choice of a puppy, kitten or Glock 9
Boehner this is an immediate takeover of everything!
Gregory: what else about the bill is bad?
Boehner it doesn’t kick in until 2014!
Gregory: the CBO says this will cut the debt and stave off disaster
Boehner: yes but we have a great plan that isn’t a dangerous socialist plan
Gregory: why didn’t you enact it before?
Boehner we didn’t know a skillful black guy would
be elected President
Gregory: you can’t trust the CBO - they like Obama’s plan and I hate it!
Hoyer: Calm down Fluffy
Gregory: Bohner will Democrats lose the House
in the fall?
Boehner well it’s a steep climb - after all everyone hates Republicans
Gregory: will you try to repeal this law?
Boehner well let’s not get crazy - after all people
like insurance
Gregory: so what is the GOP plan?
Boehner yell and scream that Obama will bankrupt this country
Gregory: anything else?
Boehner: file a lawsuit saying that we are all the Jews for Obama’s Indonesian cannibal cauldron of Sharia Kenyan Marxist Sacrificial Commission of Death
Gregory: well good luck with that
[ break ]
Gregory: Mike how terrible will it be for Obama
if he wins?
Steele: oh it will be awful - Obama and the Democrats will be defeated in the fall if they pass this bill
Gregory: I can’t wondering if maybe you are insane
Steele: no this has Commissions - it’s basically a Marxist takeover of America’s precious fluids
Kaine: um yeah - I’ll take your concern for Democrats with all due consideration
Steele: you should listen to me - don’t do this!!
Kaine: we’re going to run on crushing the insurance companies and it’s going to be awesome!
Gregory: oh sure you say that now - but the stimulus still isn’t popular
Kaine: hey Dancin’ Dave did you know 42%
is not a majority?
Gregory: oh noe!
Kaine: I heard you were a moron
Gregory: word appears to have gotten out
Kaine: this is a good bill with popular ideas
Gregory: the merits don’t matter - I want to talk
about inside baseball
Kaine: Fluffyhaid you are an idiot
Steele: we’re turning the economy on its head!!
Gregory: why is Congress so unpopular?
Steele: because Congressmen didn’t want lunatics screaming epithets at them in Town Hall meetings
Gregory: speaking of that - teabaggers are out there yelling “nigger!”
Steele: we have a handful of people saying
hateful and ignorant things
Gregory: enough about John Boehner and Mitch McConnell
Steele: there’s a fine line between clever and stupid
Gregory: the Republican Committee jumped over it
Steele: that’s just the national committee - they don't represent good white Republicans like me
Gregory: Obama wants to steer the ship of state to help people
Steele: it's immoral - the American nation was founded by people who love business and hate government
Kaine: In 8 years Republicans destroyed this country and it’s to Barack Hussein Obama
to rescue it!
Steele: Holy moley!
Gregory: can we ever have bipartisanship?
Kaine: we can all agree on cracking Mexican skulls
Steele: damm right!
[ high fives Kaine ]
[ break ]
Gregory: If Obama passes health care reform do we take Teddy Roosevelt off Mount Rushmore?
Dunn: His kung fu is mighty mighty!
Gillespie: I greatly respect his ability to push through a bill which will wreck America by restoring majority rule
Todd: It’s a philosophical difference - Democrats are swarthy welfare cheats who buy votes and Republicans are devout Christians who
think people shouldn’t get health care
Smiley: if you're gonna lose, go down swingin’!
Dunn: insurance companies spent a billion dollars
to defeat the bill!
Gregory: probably to help Democrats from themselves
Dunn: one week from now people will wake up to free insurance, small business tax credits and sugarplums in their beds
Gregory: Boooooooooring!!!
Todd: ha good one Fluffy
Gregory: what mistakes did Obama make in enacting this historic legislation?
Todd: Letting Max Baucus write the bill and not seducing Olympia Snowe
Gillespie: Republicans will take over in the fall and ruin this country again like we did before
Gregory: [ grinning idiotically ]
who wins!? who loses?!?!
Todd: jeebus Fluffy even I think you look like a fool
Gregory: ha ha ha
Todd: People need to see the benefits immediately or they will panic and vote the party they know
are insane
Smiley: people are dyin’ goddammitt - pull your head out of your ass!
Gregory: but those Congressmen are scared-
Smiley: I was talkin’ ‘bout you Fluffy!!
Gillespie: the IRS will raid your home and murder your grandma!
Gregory: Bush ignored the people for 8 years
Gillespie: when you are Commander-in-Chief you have a moral obligation to repeal the Constitution
Gregory: but you cannot take the savings to the bank!
Dunn: oh sure Gregory loves the CBO until it favors the health care bill
Gregory: ha ha you got me Anita
Dunn: this bill is going to pass so you can
suck it Greggers
Gregory: ha ha that’s the last word
*******************************
Rep. Steny Hoyer
Rep. John Boehner
Tim Kaine (Chair, DNC)
Michael Steele (Chair, RNC)
Anita Dunn
Ed Gillespie
Chuck Todd
Tavis Smiley
*****************
Gregory: Steny do you have the votes?
Hoyer: god I hope so - I bet my family fortune on it and on Kansas in the office NCAA pool
Gregory: I’m sorry to hear that
Hoyer: we have the votes - maybe
Gregory: will you hold the vote anyway?
Hoyer: we will hold a vote today and we will
have the votes! I’m pretty sure!
Boehner: any bill which the GOP doesn't vote
for must be bad
Gregory: that makes sense
Boehner: this bill will ruin America!
Hoyer: just like Clinton’s 1993 budget did?
Boehner: right
Gregory: the American people hate this bill
Hoyer: no they don’t - you lie about that every week
Gregory: [ smugly grinning ]
my selected poll says they do
Hoyer: I don’t care what General Electric says
Boehner: the Democrats are stealing money
from Medicare!
Hoyer: what an idiot you are
Boehner: Obama’s Health Czar will seize your body
Gregory: I’m stunned that the Teabaggers are
racist, homophobic lunatics
Boehner: let’s not let a few bad apples take away from the fact that Obama is an African witch doctor who wants to kill your white grandmother
Gregory: that is scary
Hoyer: this bill will help small businesses, expand insurance, and give every American a choice of a puppy, kitten or Glock 9
Boehner this is an immediate takeover of everything!
Gregory: what else about the bill is bad?
Boehner it doesn’t kick in until 2014!
Gregory: the CBO says this will cut the debt and stave off disaster
Boehner: yes but we have a great plan that isn’t a dangerous socialist plan
Gregory: why didn’t you enact it before?
Boehner we didn’t know a skillful black guy would
be elected President
Gregory: you can’t trust the CBO - they like Obama’s plan and I hate it!
Hoyer: Calm down Fluffy
Gregory: Bohner will Democrats lose the House
in the fall?
Boehner well it’s a steep climb - after all everyone hates Republicans
Gregory: will you try to repeal this law?
Boehner well let’s not get crazy - after all people
like insurance
Gregory: so what is the GOP plan?
Boehner yell and scream that Obama will bankrupt this country
Gregory: anything else?
Boehner: file a lawsuit saying that we are all the Jews for Obama’s Indonesian cannibal cauldron of Sharia Kenyan Marxist Sacrificial Commission of Death
Gregory: well good luck with that
[ break ]
Gregory: Mike how terrible will it be for Obama
if he wins?
Steele: oh it will be awful - Obama and the Democrats will be defeated in the fall if they pass this bill
Gregory: I can’t wondering if maybe you are insane
Steele: no this has Commissions - it’s basically a Marxist takeover of America’s precious fluids
Kaine: um yeah - I’ll take your concern for Democrats with all due consideration
Steele: you should listen to me - don’t do this!!
Kaine: we’re going to run on crushing the insurance companies and it’s going to be awesome!
Gregory: oh sure you say that now - but the stimulus still isn’t popular
Kaine: hey Dancin’ Dave did you know 42%
is not a majority?
Gregory: oh noe!
Kaine: I heard you were a moron
Gregory: word appears to have gotten out
Kaine: this is a good bill with popular ideas
Gregory: the merits don’t matter - I want to talk
about inside baseball
Kaine: Fluffyhaid you are an idiot
Steele: we’re turning the economy on its head!!
Gregory: why is Congress so unpopular?
Steele: because Congressmen didn’t want lunatics screaming epithets at them in Town Hall meetings
Gregory: speaking of that - teabaggers are out there yelling “nigger!”
Steele: we have a handful of people saying
hateful and ignorant things
Gregory: enough about John Boehner and Mitch McConnell
Steele: there’s a fine line between clever and stupid
Gregory: the Republican Committee jumped over it
Steele: that’s just the national committee - they don't represent good white Republicans like me
Gregory: Obama wants to steer the ship of state to help people
Steele: it's immoral - the American nation was founded by people who love business and hate government
Kaine: In 8 years Republicans destroyed this country and it’s to Barack Hussein Obama
to rescue it!
Steele: Holy moley!
Gregory: can we ever have bipartisanship?
Kaine: we can all agree on cracking Mexican skulls
Steele: damm right!
[ high fives Kaine ]
[ break ]
Gregory: If Obama passes health care reform do we take Teddy Roosevelt off Mount Rushmore?
Dunn: His kung fu is mighty mighty!
Gillespie: I greatly respect his ability to push through a bill which will wreck America by restoring majority rule
Todd: It’s a philosophical difference - Democrats are swarthy welfare cheats who buy votes and Republicans are devout Christians who
think people shouldn’t get health care
Smiley: if you're gonna lose, go down swingin’!
Dunn: insurance companies spent a billion dollars
to defeat the bill!
Gregory: probably to help Democrats from themselves
Dunn: one week from now people will wake up to free insurance, small business tax credits and sugarplums in their beds
Gregory: Boooooooooring!!!
Todd: ha good one Fluffy
Gregory: what mistakes did Obama make in enacting this historic legislation?
Todd: Letting Max Baucus write the bill and not seducing Olympia Snowe
Gillespie: Republicans will take over in the fall and ruin this country again like we did before
Gregory: [ grinning idiotically ]
who wins!? who loses?!?!
Todd: jeebus Fluffy even I think you look like a fool
Gregory: ha ha ha
Todd: People need to see the benefits immediately or they will panic and vote the party they know
are insane
Smiley: people are dyin’ goddammitt - pull your head out of your ass!
Gregory: but those Congressmen are scared-
Smiley: I was talkin’ ‘bout you Fluffy!!
Gillespie: the IRS will raid your home and murder your grandma!
Gregory: Bush ignored the people for 8 years
Gillespie: when you are Commander-in-Chief you have a moral obligation to repeal the Constitution
Gregory: but you cannot take the savings to the bank!
Dunn: oh sure Gregory loves the CBO until it favors the health care bill
Gregory: ha ha you got me Anita
Dunn: this bill is going to pass so you can
suck it Greggers
Gregory: ha ha that’s the last word
*******************************
This Week - March 21, 2010
March 21, 2010
Host:
Jonanthan Karl
Guests:
Rep. John Larson (D-CT)
Rep. Eric Cantor (R-VA)
David Plouffe (Obama White House Advisor)
Karl Rove (Bush White House Advisor)
*************************
Karl: So Rep. Larson - I've never heard of you - so do you have the votes?
Larson: damm right!
Karl: really, for sure?
Larson: fuck yeah!
Karl: Eric have they defeated you?
Cantor: oh no we’re winning
Karl: it seems like they have
Cantor: well if they have it’s only because they bribed Louisiana by promising them health care
for their citizens
Karl: that is disturbing
Larson: are you on the side of the insurance industry or the people?
Cantor: I warn you Democrats don’t pass this bill - the American people are scared!!
Larson: oh the American people are always scared over some bullshit you scream about
Karl: how many Democrats will lose because
of this bill?
Larson: millions of people will die if we don’t enact this bill!
Karl: Eric will this bill really ruin America -
I mean any more that Bush already did?
Cantor: the people are terrified, it’s all about fear!
Karl: but is any of that true?
Cantor: they are frightened!
Karl: but is that a lie or false?
Cantor: you’ve got people out there scared
Karl: so you keep saying
Larson: sure they’re scared - you’re all out there yelling “there’s a nigger in the White House!”
Cantor: no one supports that
Karl: Boehner is screaming “it’s Armageddon!!”
Cantor: true but Boehner is our resident House embarrassing nutjob
Karl: Obama says we shouldn’t focus on whether this helps Obama - so does it help Obama?
Plouffe: this is about insurance companies vs. regular people and big corporations vs. cute puppies and kittens
Karl: if you lose this vote do you lose the House??
Plouffe: this vote proves politics and elections matter godammit!
Karl: so Rove are you geninuely concerned about the Democrats?
Rove: oh yes the Dems are just like Bernie Madoff - they don’t even cut the deficit!
Karl: like you did with the Iraq war?
Rove: right - it’s terrible!
Karl: oh noes!
Rove: look at my magic markers and whiteboard - they cut Medicaid!
Karl: how sophisticated
Rove: it’s a disaster!
Plouffe: and who would know more about disasters and false accounting than Karl Rove and George Bush?
Rove: you spend too much - don’t lecture fiscal conservatives like me and Bush about spending
Karl: he’s got a whiteboard - he must be right
Rove: you lie!!
Karl: I will let Karl Rove yell and scream nonsense for ten minutes
Rove: The Dems will take our surplus and make it a deficit!
Karl: wow!
Rove: they will bankrupt the country!
Karl: isn’t it kamikaze to fight for what you
believe in?
Plouffe: no dumbass this about leading delivering for the people
Karl: but isn’t it time for the Unions to back off?
Plouffe: watch out Jonathan or you will wake up
with a pony head in your bed
Karl: but let’s talk more about division in the Democratic party
Rove: Democrats have fascistically threatened the use of the President of the United States!
Plouffe: what a ridiculous person you are
Rove: [ interrupting ]
Obama violated the CAN-SPAM act!
Plouffe: why don’t you go shake down Wall Street or destroy another American city?
Rove: that hurts Pluffy
Karl: isn’t it Obama’s fault that Republicans call Obama a New Guinea witch doctor?
Rove: [interrupting ]
Obama has been detached, aloof uppity and altogether black
Plouffe: interrupting, screaming, spitting -
it’s all they got
Karl: Ok then
Rove: [ spits ]
********************
Host:
Jonanthan Karl
Guests:
Rep. John Larson (D-CT)
Rep. Eric Cantor (R-VA)
David Plouffe (Obama White House Advisor)
Karl Rove (Bush White House Advisor)
*************************
Karl: So Rep. Larson - I've never heard of you - so do you have the votes?
Larson: damm right!
Karl: really, for sure?
Larson: fuck yeah!
Karl: Eric have they defeated you?
Cantor: oh no we’re winning
Karl: it seems like they have
Cantor: well if they have it’s only because they bribed Louisiana by promising them health care
for their citizens
Karl: that is disturbing
Larson: are you on the side of the insurance industry or the people?
Cantor: I warn you Democrats don’t pass this bill - the American people are scared!!
Larson: oh the American people are always scared over some bullshit you scream about
Karl: how many Democrats will lose because
of this bill?
Larson: millions of people will die if we don’t enact this bill!
Karl: Eric will this bill really ruin America -
I mean any more that Bush already did?
Cantor: the people are terrified, it’s all about fear!
Karl: but is any of that true?
Cantor: they are frightened!
Karl: but is that a lie or false?
Cantor: you’ve got people out there scared
Karl: so you keep saying
Larson: sure they’re scared - you’re all out there yelling “there’s a nigger in the White House!”
Cantor: no one supports that
Karl: Boehner is screaming “it’s Armageddon!!”
Cantor: true but Boehner is our resident House embarrassing nutjob
Karl: Obama says we shouldn’t focus on whether this helps Obama - so does it help Obama?
Plouffe: this is about insurance companies vs. regular people and big corporations vs. cute puppies and kittens
Karl: if you lose this vote do you lose the House??
Plouffe: this vote proves politics and elections matter godammit!
Karl: so Rove are you geninuely concerned about the Democrats?
Rove: oh yes the Dems are just like Bernie Madoff - they don’t even cut the deficit!
Karl: like you did with the Iraq war?
Rove: right - it’s terrible!
Karl: oh noes!
Rove: look at my magic markers and whiteboard - they cut Medicaid!
Karl: how sophisticated
Rove: it’s a disaster!
Plouffe: and who would know more about disasters and false accounting than Karl Rove and George Bush?
Rove: you spend too much - don’t lecture fiscal conservatives like me and Bush about spending
Karl: he’s got a whiteboard - he must be right
Rove: you lie!!
Karl: I will let Karl Rove yell and scream nonsense for ten minutes
Rove: The Dems will take our surplus and make it a deficit!
Karl: wow!
Rove: they will bankrupt the country!
Karl: isn’t it kamikaze to fight for what you
believe in?
Plouffe: no dumbass this about leading delivering for the people
Karl: but isn’t it time for the Unions to back off?
Plouffe: watch out Jonathan or you will wake up
with a pony head in your bed
Karl: but let’s talk more about division in the Democratic party
Rove: Democrats have fascistically threatened the use of the President of the United States!
Plouffe: what a ridiculous person you are
Rove: [ interrupting ]
Obama violated the CAN-SPAM act!
Plouffe: why don’t you go shake down Wall Street or destroy another American city?
Rove: that hurts Pluffy
Karl: isn’t it Obama’s fault that Republicans call Obama a New Guinea witch doctor?
Rove: [interrupting ]
Obama has been detached, aloof uppity and altogether black
Plouffe: interrupting, screaming, spitting -
it’s all they got
Karl: Ok then
Rove: [ spits ]
********************
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Meet The Press - March 14, 2010
Host:
Tom Brokaw
Guests:
David Axelrod - White House advisor
Sen. Dick Durbin (D-IL)
Rep. James Clyburn (D-SC)
Karl Rove
Tom Friedman
David Brooks
********************
Brokaw: David the health care bill is 2,700 pages long - what page provides health coverage for
mindless books about generations?
Axelrod: the American people have witnessed a year-long debate, filibuster-proof votes in the House and Senate, and they don’t give a shit about procedure - they want goddamm health care reform!
Brokaw: President Brown says we shouldn’t have multi-trillion dollar health care in America
Axelrod: did you know Massachusetts has the
same plan and he never tried to repeal it
Brokaw: maybe so but he is good looking and
drives a truck
Axelrod: we stopped a Depression and Scott Brown just voted for another Obama jobs bill!
Brokaw: what about the little fetuses?
Axelrod: not only are they protected they can
now carry guns
Brokaw: Democrats are very scared of the teabaggers
Axelrod: they need to suck it up and realize they
are going to criticized whatever they do
Brokaw: well many of them are not used to that
Axelrod: yes I noticed
Brokaw: but the bill is so long and scary
Axelrod: hey dipshits you gotta go back to your constituents with an accomplishment!
Brokaw: but how can you be sure what this bill
will cost - after all when I served in WWII we had no idea FDR would nuke Lousiana
Axelrod: that’s a good point Tom
Brokaw: will you get it passed?
Axelrod: yes probably
Brokaw: certainly?
Axelrod: definitely highly likely
Brokaw: Israel gave a big fuck you to Joe Biden
Axelrod: that’s true
Brokaw: why didn’t Obama call Bibi and give
him a beat down Obama-style?
Axelrod: he didn’t need to - Joe was there
Brokaw: what did he do?
Axelrod: threatened to keep coming back unless they apologized
Brokaw: what did they do?
Axelrod: they started removing settlements the
next day
[ break ]
Brokaw: Congressman do you have the votes
for health care?
Clyburn: no but we will - I think
Brokaw: Democrats are scared that GOP opponents will read the bill during debates in the fall
Clyburn: I don’t think so - how many GOP candidates can actually read?
Brokaw: Dick will the Senate wreck the House bill?
Durbin: I am in the process of trying to reach
every Democratic Senator
Brokaw: have you gotten them all?
Durbin: yes I reached Blanche Lincoln in the Republican cloakroom and Ben Nelson at
the Hair Club for Men
Brokaw: people say they oppose government takeover of Medicare
Durbin: you see what kind of stupidity we’re up against
Brokaw: let me warble GOP talking points
Durbin: go ahead Tom
Brokaw: warble warble
Brokaw: Clyburn could I get a free abortion with
this bill?
Clyburn: no - Bart Stupak is one of my best friends and a fucking liar
Brokaw: the Black Caucus says Obama doesn’t care about black people
Clyburn: yeah that makes sense
Brokaw: can you assure black people the
recession will end in 3 months?
Clyburn: looks like they picked you from the same Idiot Tree where the found Dancing Dave
Durbin: Tom the US economy will pick up when the GOP stops filibustering progress
Brokaw: arble
[ break ]
Brokaw: Karl some call you Bush’s Brain and liberals call your Treasonous Motherfucker
Rove: hi everybody
[ waves ]
Bush: [ waching tv at home]
hey Laura there’s turdblossom
Laura: that’s nice dear
Brokaw: Karl is Obama making the same mistake you did when you failed to pass Social Security?
Rove: no because we had bipartisan support for
our utter failure
Brokaw: why has Obama failed?
Rove: he’s lazy
Brokaw: will the GOP run against health care reform?
Rove: yes - when you think about it it’s amazing that Obama is not more popular just because Fox news keeps calling him Hitler
Brokaw: so oppose the bill no matter what it says
Rove: absolutely
Brokaw: but you don’t even know what is in the bill!
Rove: right - that’s also terrible!
Brokaw: I noticed you didn’t find fake WMD so apparently we invaded another country for no
good reason
Rove: that’s a fair point - I admit with no WMD the
UN would not have ordered Bush to invade Iraq
Brokaw: Dick Cheney said ‘so who gives a shit
we would have invaded anyway’
Rove: John Kerry said the same thing
Brokaw: oh well forget I said anything then
Rove: look the UN forced us to attack Iraq
- there was nothing we could do
Brokaw: we only have a half hour so I can only list
a few of your other epic failures - for example the oil revenues-
Rove: it’s not fair to say we screwed up control the oil - we fucked that up before we ever invaded
Brokaw: anyway it was utter chaos in Iraq
Rove: well sure - but two and half years after the war started al qaeda attacked us and we were caught completely by surprise
Brokaw: you sound like incredible idiots
Rove: no fair we had a plan
Brokaw: but it failed
Rove: eh
Brokaw: Sarah Palin
Rove: I love her but she’s a moron
Brokaw: Teabaggers
Rove: they finally realized that spending and government is bad under a black man
Brokaw: Dick Cheney shot your lawyer and you
got miffed
Rove: yes that’s when I finally realized he’s completely psychotic
Brokaw: do you think Fox News is fair to Obama
Rove: oh yes absolutely
Brokaw: with all due respect you have got to be kidding
Rove: but Joe Scarborough is a liberal and
Rachel Maddow is gay
Brokaw: arble barble
[ break ]
Brokaw: David Brooks is health care the apocalypse?
Brooks: yes
Brokaw: oh?
Brooks: Obama is just like Bush
Brokaw: of course
Brooks: I miss the greatest generation - if there’s one thing people learn in war it’s never to take risks
Friedman: if the GOP stops him he might as well resign
Brooks: Obama should just try to little things and let health care fester for a little while
Brokaw: since Bush was a terrible President I can’t support Obama arble
Brooks: I’m very concerned that this is too expensive - unlike war and tax cuts which are of course free
Brokaw: while Biden was in Israel they announced they would build 1,600 new settlements in Delaware
Hillary: hey Bibi take your settlements and shove them up your fat ass!
Friedman: Israel is a crazy drunk driver
Brokaw: who will take away their keys?
Friedman: we did Israel a huge favor invading Iraq and they thank us by dissing the best Vice President since Al Gore
Brokaw: oh my
Friedman: we give them lots in aid in cash and could they have given Obama a beer?! Is that too much?
Brokaw: It seems like everyone in the world hates our guts
Friedman: if we don’t get tough with Israel no one
will respect us
Brooks: cocooned shut-in bloggers are ruining our political dicourse
Brokaw: oh noes the bloggers!
Brooks: the ability to create a twitter feed will bring down the American Empire
Brokaw: [ tweets ] brooksie sez tweets r bad
Brooks: being stupid feels really good
Brokaw: that is so true
Friedman: we have one party governing and another party throwing spit balls and erasers from the back row
Brokaw: Reagan was overwhelmingly re-elected - maybe people should calm the fuck down
Brooks: I’m with you Tom
Brokaw: you got it baby
Friedman: America is the greatest Dysfunctional Show on Earth!
Brokaw: Warble
*******************
posted by Culture of Truth
Tom Brokaw
Guests:
David Axelrod - White House advisor
Sen. Dick Durbin (D-IL)
Rep. James Clyburn (D-SC)
Karl Rove
Tom Friedman
David Brooks
********************
Brokaw: David the health care bill is 2,700 pages long - what page provides health coverage for
mindless books about generations?
Axelrod: the American people have witnessed a year-long debate, filibuster-proof votes in the House and Senate, and they don’t give a shit about procedure - they want goddamm health care reform!
Brokaw: President Brown says we shouldn’t have multi-trillion dollar health care in America
Axelrod: did you know Massachusetts has the
same plan and he never tried to repeal it
Brokaw: maybe so but he is good looking and
drives a truck
Axelrod: we stopped a Depression and Scott Brown just voted for another Obama jobs bill!
Brokaw: what about the little fetuses?
Axelrod: not only are they protected they can
now carry guns
Brokaw: Democrats are very scared of the teabaggers
Axelrod: they need to suck it up and realize they
are going to criticized whatever they do
Brokaw: well many of them are not used to that
Axelrod: yes I noticed
Brokaw: but the bill is so long and scary
Axelrod: hey dipshits you gotta go back to your constituents with an accomplishment!
Brokaw: but how can you be sure what this bill
will cost - after all when I served in WWII we had no idea FDR would nuke Lousiana
Axelrod: that’s a good point Tom
Brokaw: will you get it passed?
Axelrod: yes probably
Brokaw: certainly?
Axelrod: definitely highly likely
Brokaw: Israel gave a big fuck you to Joe Biden
Axelrod: that’s true
Brokaw: why didn’t Obama call Bibi and give
him a beat down Obama-style?
Axelrod: he didn’t need to - Joe was there
Brokaw: what did he do?
Axelrod: threatened to keep coming back unless they apologized
Brokaw: what did they do?
Axelrod: they started removing settlements the
next day
[ break ]
Brokaw: Congressman do you have the votes
for health care?
Clyburn: no but we will - I think
Brokaw: Democrats are scared that GOP opponents will read the bill during debates in the fall
Clyburn: I don’t think so - how many GOP candidates can actually read?
Brokaw: Dick will the Senate wreck the House bill?
Durbin: I am in the process of trying to reach
every Democratic Senator
Brokaw: have you gotten them all?
Durbin: yes I reached Blanche Lincoln in the Republican cloakroom and Ben Nelson at
the Hair Club for Men
Brokaw: people say they oppose government takeover of Medicare
Durbin: you see what kind of stupidity we’re up against
Brokaw: let me warble GOP talking points
Durbin: go ahead Tom
Brokaw: warble warble
Brokaw: Clyburn could I get a free abortion with
this bill?
Clyburn: no - Bart Stupak is one of my best friends and a fucking liar
Brokaw: the Black Caucus says Obama doesn’t care about black people
Clyburn: yeah that makes sense
Brokaw: can you assure black people the
recession will end in 3 months?
Clyburn: looks like they picked you from the same Idiot Tree where the found Dancing Dave
Durbin: Tom the US economy will pick up when the GOP stops filibustering progress
Brokaw: arble
[ break ]
Brokaw: Karl some call you Bush’s Brain and liberals call your Treasonous Motherfucker
Rove: hi everybody
[ waves ]
Bush: [ waching tv at home]
hey Laura there’s turdblossom
Laura: that’s nice dear
Brokaw: Karl is Obama making the same mistake you did when you failed to pass Social Security?
Rove: no because we had bipartisan support for
our utter failure
Brokaw: why has Obama failed?
Rove: he’s lazy
Brokaw: will the GOP run against health care reform?
Rove: yes - when you think about it it’s amazing that Obama is not more popular just because Fox news keeps calling him Hitler
Brokaw: so oppose the bill no matter what it says
Rove: absolutely
Brokaw: but you don’t even know what is in the bill!
Rove: right - that’s also terrible!
Brokaw: I noticed you didn’t find fake WMD so apparently we invaded another country for no
good reason
Rove: that’s a fair point - I admit with no WMD the
UN would not have ordered Bush to invade Iraq
Brokaw: Dick Cheney said ‘so who gives a shit
we would have invaded anyway’
Rove: John Kerry said the same thing
Brokaw: oh well forget I said anything then
Rove: look the UN forced us to attack Iraq
- there was nothing we could do
Brokaw: we only have a half hour so I can only list
a few of your other epic failures - for example the oil revenues-
Rove: it’s not fair to say we screwed up control the oil - we fucked that up before we ever invaded
Brokaw: anyway it was utter chaos in Iraq
Rove: well sure - but two and half years after the war started al qaeda attacked us and we were caught completely by surprise
Brokaw: you sound like incredible idiots
Rove: no fair we had a plan
Brokaw: but it failed
Rove: eh
Brokaw: Sarah Palin
Rove: I love her but she’s a moron
Brokaw: Teabaggers
Rove: they finally realized that spending and government is bad under a black man
Brokaw: Dick Cheney shot your lawyer and you
got miffed
Rove: yes that’s when I finally realized he’s completely psychotic
Brokaw: do you think Fox News is fair to Obama
Rove: oh yes absolutely
Brokaw: with all due respect you have got to be kidding
Rove: but Joe Scarborough is a liberal and
Rachel Maddow is gay
Brokaw: arble barble
[ break ]
Brokaw: David Brooks is health care the apocalypse?
Brooks: yes
Brokaw: oh?
Brooks: Obama is just like Bush
Brokaw: of course
Brooks: I miss the greatest generation - if there’s one thing people learn in war it’s never to take risks
Friedman: if the GOP stops him he might as well resign
Brooks: Obama should just try to little things and let health care fester for a little while
Brokaw: since Bush was a terrible President I can’t support Obama arble
Brooks: I’m very concerned that this is too expensive - unlike war and tax cuts which are of course free
Brokaw: while Biden was in Israel they announced they would build 1,600 new settlements in Delaware
Hillary: hey Bibi take your settlements and shove them up your fat ass!
Friedman: Israel is a crazy drunk driver
Brokaw: who will take away their keys?
Friedman: we did Israel a huge favor invading Iraq and they thank us by dissing the best Vice President since Al Gore
Brokaw: oh my
Friedman: we give them lots in aid in cash and could they have given Obama a beer?! Is that too much?
Brokaw: It seems like everyone in the world hates our guts
Friedman: if we don’t get tough with Israel no one
will respect us
Brooks: cocooned shut-in bloggers are ruining our political dicourse
Brokaw: oh noes the bloggers!
Brooks: the ability to create a twitter feed will bring down the American Empire
Brokaw: [ tweets ] brooksie sez tweets r bad
Brooks: being stupid feels really good
Brokaw: that is so true
Friedman: we have one party governing and another party throwing spit balls and erasers from the back row
Brokaw: Reagan was overwhelmingly re-elected - maybe people should calm the fuck down
Brooks: I’m with you Tom
Brokaw: you got it baby
Friedman: America is the greatest Dysfunctional Show on Earth!
Brokaw: Warble
*******************
posted by Culture of Truth
This Week - March 14, 2010
Host:
Jake Tapper
Guests:
David Axelrod (White House Advisor)
Lindsey Graham (R-SC)
**********************
Tapper: so Dave are you going pass health
care or not?
Axelrod: yes we will crush the health care lobbyists! Maybe
Tapper: President Scott Brown (R-Cosmo) says you are a fascist for passing this bill - isn’t he right?
Axelrod: we’re trying to enact the same plan he never tried to repeal in Massachusetts
Tapper: but the American people hate the bill
Axelrod: no they don’t Jake - they hate the lies they’ve been told about the bill but when you ask them about provisions really in the plan they like it
Tapper: but the Poles!
Axelrod: screw those Slavic bastards
Tapper: ok
Axelrod: we’re not walking away from this
- we’re taking this fight to the next election
Tapper: no one wants health care reform
Axelrod: it will help the American people so
we’re doing it dammit
Tapper: so will you enact the bill this week or never?
Axelrod: people deserve an up or down vote
on this crappy bill no one likes
Tapper: what about the special deals for individual Senators - like Ben Nelson gets free hairpieces for life
Axelrod: that’s a good point Tapper - for example some states get special benefits if the entire state
is a disaster area but that could apply to every state in the South
Tapper: and Nebraska and Montana
Axelrod: and California, Alaska and Iraq
Tapper: will it reduce the deficit which is terribly important now that a Democrat is President?
Axelrod: sure why not
Tapper: will the House pass a bill on complete faith in the U.S. Senate which is not the greatest idea?
Axelrod: they have to Tapster
Tapper: I’m confused
Axelrod: we already had an up or down vote on
all these bills many times
Tapper: so you will ram Obama’s package down
our throats?
Axelrod: that’s exactly right Jake
Tapper: John Roberts says he felt threatened by a bunch of angry white Senators
Axelrod: yeah they’re a scary bunch alright
Tapper: but he was surrounded!
Axelrod: I could carve a judge out of a banana
and get better rulings
Tapper: Israel slapped Joe Biden in the face
Axelrod: They sure insulted Joe
Tapper: so what will be the consequences?
Axelrod: if they don’t apologize we will be forced to send Joe Biden there again and again
Tapper: do the new Israel settlements put U.S. lives at risk?
Axelrod: fuck Bibi - you don’t diss Barack Hussein Fucking Obama!
[ break ]
Tapper: Lindsey you say reconciliation is fascist
but you voted for reconciliation when it suited you
Graham: yes but health care affects one sixth
of the economy
Tapper: and Bush tax cuts don’t?
Graham: this is completely different after all we
have a black Democratic President now
Tapper: The Democrats say the people want this bill
Graham: the American people are just sick of
this crap
Tapper: meaning what?
Graham: they’re going to cut Medicare!
Tapper: you’re the President’s best friend - is Obama committed to immigration?
Graham: no he doesn’t meet with Republicans every day - it’s so sad
Tapper: what should be do
Graham: let Senator Obama propose a bill and I
will decide whether or not to veto it
Tapper: where is the leadership from John McCain
Graham: give the old man a break - he’s being primaried by a lunatic
Tapper: to be fair last time the GOP killed the immigration bill!
Graham: no that’s not fair - Obama is a sleazy black man cheating and is going to use a trick which we used to use all the time
Tapper: if a Republican works with Obama the teabaggers will kill them
Graham: this Obama character President is arrogant and uppity - who the hell does this black guy think he is?
Tapper: Sen Inhofe says if we close Gitmo swarthy terrorists will run for office in America and install Shaira law in our elementary schools
Graham: we need new laws to suspend the rule
of law in America
Tapper: but then we won’t have any laws at all
Graham: right - we need a legal framework to treat terrorists as warriors
Tapper: how odd
Graham: Gitmo is recruitment tool for terrorists
Tapper: so it’s a threat to American troops?
Graham: yes closing it is still a tough call - we should stop arguing about it since the one thing we can all agree on is that we have arrogant uppity black man in the White House
Tapper: thanks for coming Lindy
***********************
posted by Culture of Truth
Jake Tapper
Guests:
David Axelrod (White House Advisor)
Lindsey Graham (R-SC)
**********************
Tapper: so Dave are you going pass health
care or not?
Axelrod: yes we will crush the health care lobbyists! Maybe
Tapper: President Scott Brown (R-Cosmo) says you are a fascist for passing this bill - isn’t he right?
Axelrod: we’re trying to enact the same plan he never tried to repeal in Massachusetts
Tapper: but the American people hate the bill
Axelrod: no they don’t Jake - they hate the lies they’ve been told about the bill but when you ask them about provisions really in the plan they like it
Tapper: but the Poles!
Axelrod: screw those Slavic bastards
Tapper: ok
Axelrod: we’re not walking away from this
- we’re taking this fight to the next election
Tapper: no one wants health care reform
Axelrod: it will help the American people so
we’re doing it dammit
Tapper: so will you enact the bill this week or never?
Axelrod: people deserve an up or down vote
on this crappy bill no one likes
Tapper: what about the special deals for individual Senators - like Ben Nelson gets free hairpieces for life
Axelrod: that’s a good point Tapper - for example some states get special benefits if the entire state
is a disaster area but that could apply to every state in the South
Tapper: and Nebraska and Montana
Axelrod: and California, Alaska and Iraq
Tapper: will it reduce the deficit which is terribly important now that a Democrat is President?
Axelrod: sure why not
Tapper: will the House pass a bill on complete faith in the U.S. Senate which is not the greatest idea?
Axelrod: they have to Tapster
Tapper: I’m confused
Axelrod: we already had an up or down vote on
all these bills many times
Tapper: so you will ram Obama’s package down
our throats?
Axelrod: that’s exactly right Jake
Tapper: John Roberts says he felt threatened by a bunch of angry white Senators
Axelrod: yeah they’re a scary bunch alright
Tapper: but he was surrounded!
Axelrod: I could carve a judge out of a banana
and get better rulings
Tapper: Israel slapped Joe Biden in the face
Axelrod: They sure insulted Joe
Tapper: so what will be the consequences?
Axelrod: if they don’t apologize we will be forced to send Joe Biden there again and again
Tapper: do the new Israel settlements put U.S. lives at risk?
Axelrod: fuck Bibi - you don’t diss Barack Hussein Fucking Obama!
[ break ]
Tapper: Lindsey you say reconciliation is fascist
but you voted for reconciliation when it suited you
Graham: yes but health care affects one sixth
of the economy
Tapper: and Bush tax cuts don’t?
Graham: this is completely different after all we
have a black Democratic President now
Tapper: The Democrats say the people want this bill
Graham: the American people are just sick of
this crap
Tapper: meaning what?
Graham: they’re going to cut Medicare!
Tapper: you’re the President’s best friend - is Obama committed to immigration?
Graham: no he doesn’t meet with Republicans every day - it’s so sad
Tapper: what should be do
Graham: let Senator Obama propose a bill and I
will decide whether or not to veto it
Tapper: where is the leadership from John McCain
Graham: give the old man a break - he’s being primaried by a lunatic
Tapper: to be fair last time the GOP killed the immigration bill!
Graham: no that’s not fair - Obama is a sleazy black man cheating and is going to use a trick which we used to use all the time
Tapper: if a Republican works with Obama the teabaggers will kill them
Graham: this Obama character President is arrogant and uppity - who the hell does this black guy think he is?
Tapper: Sen Inhofe says if we close Gitmo swarthy terrorists will run for office in America and install Shaira law in our elementary schools
Graham: we need new laws to suspend the rule
of law in America
Tapper: but then we won’t have any laws at all
Graham: right - we need a legal framework to treat terrorists as warriors
Tapper: how odd
Graham: Gitmo is recruitment tool for terrorists
Tapper: so it’s a threat to American troops?
Graham: yes closing it is still a tough call - we should stop arguing about it since the one thing we can all agree on is that we have arrogant uppity black man in the White House
Tapper: thanks for coming Lindy
***********************
posted by Culture of Truth
Sunday, March 07, 2010
Meet The Press with Sec. Sebelius - March 7, 2010
March 7, 2010
Guests:
Kathleen Sebelius (Sec. Of HHS)
Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-UT)
Harold Ford
E.J. Dionne
Rich Lowry
***********************
Gregory: Kathy I hate health care reform and
I’m willing to lie to defeat it
Sebelius : we all know that
Gregory: it is a fact that Americans don’t like Obama’s health reforms
Sebelius : it’s fact that you’re a fucking liar
Gregory: [ fluffs hair ]
Sebelius : did you know that people are suffering and Fluffy if people are so goddamm happy with their health insurance do you think they are happy with 40% increases in premiums?
Gregory: I saw a guy on the street who told me
that Obama will fail
Sebelius : I really don’t give a shit about your so-called facts Dancin Dave
Gregory: it’s a really important point whether if this isn’t enacted by Easter Obama will just let it go
Sebelius : good god you are infathomably shallow
Gregory: Easter - yes or no?!?
Sebelius : I officially have total contempt for you
Gregory: Is Obama’s agenda at stake??!
Sebelius : no dimwit - what’s at peril is
America’s health
Gregory: what mistakes has Obama made?
Sebelius : he underestimated your stupidity?
Gregory: anything else
Sebelius : well we need to sell the evil of
insurance companies better
Gregory: you didn’t communicate to the people
Sebelius : right - we spend months assuring the public we weren’t actually going to kill old people
Gregory: Obama wants to control costs but I talked to anonymous Republicans and Warren Buffet
said it doesn’t do that!
Sebelius : calm down Fluffy
Gregory: but why not just do what the GOP wants?
Sebelius : yeah RomneyCare worked great
Gregory: Big Shoulders are covered
Sebelius : idiot
Gregory: you don’t deal with tort reform!
Sebelius : that’s a lie Greggers
Gregory: but not malpractice reform!
Sebelius : that’s another lie
Gregory: but you can’t possibly disagree with
Saint Warren of the Buffet
Sebelius : brace yourself Fluffy - I do disagree
with the richest man in America on the need for guaranteed health care
Gregory: [ falls on fainting couch ]
Sebelius : I heard you were a moron
Gregory: but the Mayo Clinic says this will probably work but where are the guarantees??
Sebelius : look stupid we know prevention and technology reduce costs
Gregory: will a future Congress really raise taxes?
Sebelius : sure why not
Gregory: Stupak wants to ban health care for wimmins health
Sebelius : we’re not going to pay for abortions I promise!!
Gregory: how do you get President Stupak’s vote?
Sebelius : persuade him by putting a pony head
in his bed
Gregory: really??
Sebelius : no Bart’s just misinformed
Gregory: so you maintain he’s just an idiot
Sebelius : yes - you’d like him
[ break ]
Gregory: so right wingers - what will happen
with ObamaCare?
Hatch: the Founding Fathers wanted one Senator to stop all action therefore Obama is a fascist
EJ Dionne: Dems must pass this because they have to show they can get shit done and also it’s necessary for the future of America
Gregory: President Obama how do you get
the votes?
Ford: I’m Harold Ford
Gregory: what?!?!
Ford: I was just walking around outside and
your producer grabbed me
Gregory: oh well close enough
Ford: we need to win over Republicans!
Gregory: we know all we need to know - the American people hate this bill
Lowry: the Democrats will be destroyed if this
bill passes!!
Gregory: so so so true
Lowry: Tom Daschle said we should be like Australia
Hatch: to pass a bill with a majority vote is Nazisocialisfascicomminsim!!!
Gregory: please elaborate
Hatch: reconciliation has never been used to pass this bill before
Gregory: oh noe!
Hatch: it’s sweeping and therefore terrible!!
Gregory: that’s shocking!!
Hatch: it’s 2,700 pages [ sobs ]
Dionne: Orrin I can’t tell if you are lying or are completely insane
Gregory: elaborate?
Hatch: Bush always ignored polls and used reconciliation to pass tax cuts!
Hatch: Katie Bar the Door!!!
Dionne: good god
Lowry: Jesus Orrin shut the fuck up
Ford: Nobody fucking cares about the
goddam process
Gregory: but Warren Buffet says Obama doesn’t cuts cost!
Hatch: Obama didn’t invite me to his birthday party!!!
[ starts sobbing ]
Gregory: it’s a such a cruel twist than a right-wing idiot from Tennessee can’t run for the Senate from New York without being mocked
Ford: I’ve been in New York for 60 days and I can assure you that we need to cut taxes
Gregory: fascinating
Gregory: who threatened you Harold?
Ford: I keep getting questioned about gays and stuff when in New York what people really care about is electing a bland corporate shill from Tennessee
Gregory: so why not run?
Ford: it turns out I would criticized and that’s unacceptable
Gregory: should Gov. Paterson step down?
Ford: hell yes - let me be Governor!
Gregory: Rich Lowry what does it mean for Democrats that I hate them?
Lowry: it’s so sad that everyone hates Democrats
Gregory: Orrin Hatch I noticed your party is full
of racists
Hatch: no there are good blacks like Harold Ford here
Ford: yay me!
Dionne: when Ford runs for Senate from Tennessee he can use that endorsement!
Ford: wow good idea E.J.
Gregory: E.J. are the Democrats doomed?
Dionne: the bill will be fucking popular Fluffy
Gregory: hey Orrin there’s violence all over Iraq
Hatch: see this proves invading Iraq was a great idea because there’s a chance this country can survive the Bush reign of terror
Gregory: so you think Iraq can survive?
Hatch: I was talking about the U.S.
**********************
Guests:
Kathleen Sebelius (Sec. Of HHS)
Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-UT)
Harold Ford
E.J. Dionne
Rich Lowry
***********************
Gregory: Kathy I hate health care reform and
I’m willing to lie to defeat it
Sebelius : we all know that
Gregory: it is a fact that Americans don’t like Obama’s health reforms
Sebelius : it’s fact that you’re a fucking liar
Gregory: [ fluffs hair ]
Sebelius : did you know that people are suffering and Fluffy if people are so goddamm happy with their health insurance do you think they are happy with 40% increases in premiums?
Gregory: I saw a guy on the street who told me
that Obama will fail
Sebelius : I really don’t give a shit about your so-called facts Dancin Dave
Gregory: it’s a really important point whether if this isn’t enacted by Easter Obama will just let it go
Sebelius : good god you are infathomably shallow
Gregory: Easter - yes or no?!?
Sebelius : I officially have total contempt for you
Gregory: Is Obama’s agenda at stake??!
Sebelius : no dimwit - what’s at peril is
America’s health
Gregory: what mistakes has Obama made?
Sebelius : he underestimated your stupidity?
Gregory: anything else
Sebelius : well we need to sell the evil of
insurance companies better
Gregory: you didn’t communicate to the people
Sebelius : right - we spend months assuring the public we weren’t actually going to kill old people
Gregory: Obama wants to control costs but I talked to anonymous Republicans and Warren Buffet
said it doesn’t do that!
Sebelius : calm down Fluffy
Gregory: but why not just do what the GOP wants?
Sebelius : yeah RomneyCare worked great
Gregory: Big Shoulders are covered
Sebelius : idiot
Gregory: you don’t deal with tort reform!
Sebelius : that’s a lie Greggers
Gregory: but not malpractice reform!
Sebelius : that’s another lie
Gregory: but you can’t possibly disagree with
Saint Warren of the Buffet
Sebelius : brace yourself Fluffy - I do disagree
with the richest man in America on the need for guaranteed health care
Gregory: [ falls on fainting couch ]
Sebelius : I heard you were a moron
Gregory: but the Mayo Clinic says this will probably work but where are the guarantees??
Sebelius : look stupid we know prevention and technology reduce costs
Gregory: will a future Congress really raise taxes?
Sebelius : sure why not
Gregory: Stupak wants to ban health care for wimmins health
Sebelius : we’re not going to pay for abortions I promise!!
Gregory: how do you get President Stupak’s vote?
Sebelius : persuade him by putting a pony head
in his bed
Gregory: really??
Sebelius : no Bart’s just misinformed
Gregory: so you maintain he’s just an idiot
Sebelius : yes - you’d like him
[ break ]
Gregory: so right wingers - what will happen
with ObamaCare?
Hatch: the Founding Fathers wanted one Senator to stop all action therefore Obama is a fascist
EJ Dionne: Dems must pass this because they have to show they can get shit done and also it’s necessary for the future of America
Gregory: President Obama how do you get
the votes?
Ford: I’m Harold Ford
Gregory: what?!?!
Ford: I was just walking around outside and
your producer grabbed me
Gregory: oh well close enough
Ford: we need to win over Republicans!
Gregory: we know all we need to know - the American people hate this bill
Lowry: the Democrats will be destroyed if this
bill passes!!
Gregory: so so so true
Lowry: Tom Daschle said we should be like Australia
Hatch: to pass a bill with a majority vote is Nazisocialisfascicomminsim!!!
Gregory: please elaborate
Hatch: reconciliation has never been used to pass this bill before
Gregory: oh noe!
Hatch: it’s sweeping and therefore terrible!!
Gregory: that’s shocking!!
Hatch: it’s 2,700 pages [ sobs ]
Dionne: Orrin I can’t tell if you are lying or are completely insane
Gregory: elaborate?
Hatch: Bush always ignored polls and used reconciliation to pass tax cuts!
Hatch: Katie Bar the Door!!!
Dionne: good god
Lowry: Jesus Orrin shut the fuck up
Ford: Nobody fucking cares about the
goddam process
Gregory: but Warren Buffet says Obama doesn’t cuts cost!
Hatch: Obama didn’t invite me to his birthday party!!!
[ starts sobbing ]
Gregory: it’s a such a cruel twist than a right-wing idiot from Tennessee can’t run for the Senate from New York without being mocked
Ford: I’ve been in New York for 60 days and I can assure you that we need to cut taxes
Gregory: fascinating
Gregory: who threatened you Harold?
Ford: I keep getting questioned about gays and stuff when in New York what people really care about is electing a bland corporate shill from Tennessee
Gregory: so why not run?
Ford: it turns out I would criticized and that’s unacceptable
Gregory: should Gov. Paterson step down?
Ford: hell yes - let me be Governor!
Gregory: Rich Lowry what does it mean for Democrats that I hate them?
Lowry: it’s so sad that everyone hates Democrats
Gregory: Orrin Hatch I noticed your party is full
of racists
Hatch: no there are good blacks like Harold Ford here
Ford: yay me!
Dionne: when Ford runs for Senate from Tennessee he can use that endorsement!
Ford: wow good idea E.J.
Gregory: E.J. are the Democrats doomed?
Dionne: the bill will be fucking popular Fluffy
Gregory: hey Orrin there’s violence all over Iraq
Hatch: see this proves invading Iraq was a great idea because there’s a chance this country can survive the Bush reign of terror
Gregory: so you think Iraq can survive?
Hatch: I was talking about the U.S.
**********************
The Chris Matthews Show - March 7, 2010
Guests:
Dan Rather
Andrea Mitchell
Katty Kay
Joe Klein
*************************
Matthews: OMG Obama should never have
tried reform health care!!!
Rather: three words: bad bad bad jobs jobs jobs
Mitchell: Pelosi has to persuade Dennis Kucinich and Bart Stupak to vote for the same bill - how do you do that??
Klein: Nancy is really good at whipping people
Matthews: how do you get the fetus-Americans
on board
Kay: the pr- life Dems will derail all health care in
order to limit women’s rights
Mitchell: the Hyde Abides!
Klein: the good news is private insurers will not cover abortion -- they’d rather cover a baby for
the next 26 years
Rather: it’s socialism like a cactus in the morning
Mitchell: it’s a government takeover of health care
[ sobs ]
Kay: it’s possible this bill won’t result in genocide
Matthews: whoa!
Kay: if this doesn’t pass the GOP will have a
better issue than if it does
Klein: the elderly care about donuts
Matthews: Does Obama get a bill?
Kay: yes
Rather: yes but it in the bank and put a lock on it
and smack it on the griddle
Mitchell: yes or else Obama will resign
Klein: yes
Matthews: a great triumph for Pelosi!
Klein: nah
Rather: the GOP will say Obama is a nice person although he succeeded in passing health care Obama had to try too hard to do it and Obama
can’t sell watermelons to the NAACP
Matthews: only Teddy Roosevelt could create
the Panama canal!
Matthews: HA! Look JFK was an Indian and Nixon played the piano!
Teabaggers: Elitist!!!
[ break ]
Matthews: Karl Rove admitted that WMD was a lying sales pitch to trick America is supporting their phony war!
Rather: you can send that dog to hunt but you can’t make it a ballet dancer
Mitchell: they say they didn’t lie about WMD but it turns out they are lying about that too
Kay: They lied to get us into a fucking war!!!!
Klein: Dick Cheney didn’t do the due diligence because he’s an idiot and a vampire
Mitchell: Cheney’s book will go after his critics and Bush’s book will connect the dots
Matthews: ooh it will reveal all the connections between Iraq and terror?
Mitchell: no it’s a children’s book idiot
Matthews: will Bush’s book explain his other disasters like the economy?
Mitchelll: and Katrina
Matthews: oh right - forgot about that one
Klein: Bush’s book will make people love him
Matthews: Bush is really a mensch
Bush [watching at home]: hey laura what’s a mench??
Laura: that’s nice dear
*****************
Dan Rather
Andrea Mitchell
Katty Kay
Joe Klein
*************************
Matthews: OMG Obama should never have
tried reform health care!!!
Rather: three words: bad bad bad jobs jobs jobs
Mitchell: Pelosi has to persuade Dennis Kucinich and Bart Stupak to vote for the same bill - how do you do that??
Klein: Nancy is really good at whipping people
Matthews: how do you get the fetus-Americans
on board
Kay: the pr- life Dems will derail all health care in
order to limit women’s rights
Mitchell: the Hyde Abides!
Klein: the good news is private insurers will not cover abortion -- they’d rather cover a baby for
the next 26 years
Rather: it’s socialism like a cactus in the morning
Mitchell: it’s a government takeover of health care
[ sobs ]
Kay: it’s possible this bill won’t result in genocide
Matthews: whoa!
Kay: if this doesn’t pass the GOP will have a
better issue than if it does
Klein: the elderly care about donuts
Matthews: Does Obama get a bill?
Kay: yes
Rather: yes but it in the bank and put a lock on it
and smack it on the griddle
Mitchell: yes or else Obama will resign
Klein: yes
Matthews: a great triumph for Pelosi!
Klein: nah
Rather: the GOP will say Obama is a nice person although he succeeded in passing health care Obama had to try too hard to do it and Obama
can’t sell watermelons to the NAACP
Matthews: only Teddy Roosevelt could create
the Panama canal!
Matthews: HA! Look JFK was an Indian and Nixon played the piano!
Teabaggers: Elitist!!!
[ break ]
Matthews: Karl Rove admitted that WMD was a lying sales pitch to trick America is supporting their phony war!
Rather: you can send that dog to hunt but you can’t make it a ballet dancer
Mitchell: they say they didn’t lie about WMD but it turns out they are lying about that too
Kay: They lied to get us into a fucking war!!!!
Klein: Dick Cheney didn’t do the due diligence because he’s an idiot and a vampire
Mitchell: Cheney’s book will go after his critics and Bush’s book will connect the dots
Matthews: ooh it will reveal all the connections between Iraq and terror?
Mitchell: no it’s a children’s book idiot
Matthews: will Bush’s book explain his other disasters like the economy?
Mitchelll: and Katrina
Matthews: oh right - forgot about that one
Klein: Bush’s book will make people love him
Matthews: Bush is really a mensch
Bush [watching at home]: hey laura what’s a mench??
Laura: that’s nice dear
*****************
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Meet the Press - February 28, 2010
Guests:
Sen. John McCain (R-AZ)
Nancy-Ann DeParle: White House health reform director
Rep. Eric Cantor (R-VA)
Rep. Wasserman Schultz (D-FL)
Marc Morial - President National Urban League
************************
Gregory: what happened at the health care summit?
McCain: it was 7 hours - almost as much fun as
a Matlock marathon
Gregory: so it was good
McCain: yes but the President is planning to seize tyrannical power by passing laws with 51 votes
Gregory: so how will you react if the Democrats
do this terrible thing
McCain: reconciliation is evil
Gregory: you voted for reconciliation 9 times
McCain: yes but I objected strenuously to my votes
Gregory: Obama reminded you that the American people hate you
McCain: yes but the idea that you pass laws with
60 votes and a massive majority in the House is
just plain crazy
Gregory: how odd
McCain: it’s totally unsavory to make a deal to build a hospital in Connecticut behind closed doors
Gregory: you’re kidding
McCain: policy cannot be made by deals made
with lawmakers
Gregory: with all due respect you cannot possibly
be serious
McCain: I am serious and don’t offer me pudding
if you don’t have any
Gregory: John I didn’t offer you pudding
McCain: [ yells at cloud ]
Gregory: this bill is just like RomneyCare
McCain: why don’t the Democrats just agree to what Republicans want after all I was elected President - not him
Gregory: no you weren’t - you lost
McCain: then why I am always on tv?
Gregory: you’re the Jerry Stiller of pundit tv - a hilariously weird grandpa
McCain: look the way you have bipartisan negotiations is you get drunk with Ted Kennedy
and completely forget what you agreed to -
Obama didn’t do this that way at all
Gregory: How should Obama do it?
McCain: agree to everything Republicans want
Gregory: is it good for Republicans to do nothing?
McCain: the American people want us to start over go behind closed doors and make a deal
Gregory: why do the American people hate the bill so much?
McCain: the people hate cynical deals made behind closed doors
Gregory: you’re senile but JD Hayworth is insane
McCain: believe me I know
Gregory: is Obama a socialist?
McCain: look Obama refuses to sit down with us
Gregory: he sat down with you this week
McCain: which proved how wily he is!
Gregory: you said before that if military leaders supported repealing ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’ You would agree but now you don’t
McCain: but there’s a supply sergeant in Germany who doesn’t like gays so we can’t
Gregory: I see
McCain: they are all saying no
Gregory: no they aren’t
McCain: it’s clear that we are in two wars so
gays are icky
Gregory: you voted for the evil TARP
McCain: Hank Paulson lied to me!!!
Gregory: you seem easily fooled
McCain: I’m no Matlock
Gregory: he says without TARP we’d have 25% unemployment
McCain: I read it in all the newspapers - they lied to all of us and saved General Motors which is nuts!!
Gregory: Iraq has been incredibly successful - can we do the same wonderful things in Afghanistan?
McCain: oh of course - but don’t forget we could still fail in Iraq - that’s what a great idea invading was
Gregory: should we leave Afghanistan?
McCain: I would appreciate it if Obama would go to Afghanistan and tell them he is never leaving
Gregory: anything else
McCain: he could name me President
Gregory: see you next week John
[ break ]
Gregory: Nancy can Obama pass health care reform or not?
DeParle: the President is trying desperately to point out we really need to enact reform
Gregory: do you have the votes?
DeParle: No
Gregory: has the President finally realized Republicans will never stop calling him a Nazi
New Guinean Witch Doctor?
DeParle: hey health care reform already passed the House and Senate by 60 votes
Gregory: McCain objects to all your secret deals
DeParle: I don’t know what Senile John is talking about
Gregory: oh but you did make Super Secret Deals!!
DeParle: how do you know?
Gregory: Honest John McCain told me!
DeParle: the election is over and the geezer lost!
Gregory: how can you go ahead with health care reform when the American people don’t want it
DeParle: they do want health care reform Fluffy
Gregory: if that’s true then why didn’t I put up
a poll that shows that?
DeParle: because you’re a liar and a corporate whore
Gregory: David Brooks says you should raise taxes
DeParle: he’s an idiot
Gregory: but he’s right
DeParle: so let him raise taxes or shut the fuck up
[ break ]
Gregory: Eric why hasn’t health care reform passed?
Cantor: because the American people have decided that health care is no big deal and the most important thing is not letting people sue for malpractice
Wasserman Schultz: hey dipshit right now we’ve got death panels and they are called insurance companies and Dancin’ Dave if you want to quote
a poll - quote that!
Gregory: General Electric won’t let me
Gregory: the reality is that people hate health
care reform
Morial: the reality is that you’re a paid liar
Brownstein: we saw different philosophies this week - the Dems want to cover people with health insurance and Republicans want to protect corporations from lawsuits
Kay: you American idiots have health care just above fucking Cuba
Gregory: let’s face it - Republicans are right all Americans hate the government
Morial: holy shit I heard you are a moron
Cantor: we Republicans care about suffering people - the best way to help people is to empower them to negotiate for heart surgery while they are dying
Wasserman Schultz: good god people are already paying for poor people getting treatment in an emergency room
Gregory: no no no reality check time
Brownstein: the CBO says ObamaCare would lower the deficit but the GOP says they don’t count because it supports a Democratic plan
Gregory: of course
Brownstein: the real problem is white people are afraid they will be giving something free to a lazy black person
Wasserman Schultz: Democrats would cover people, cut costs and cut taxes and the GOP would provide gold toilets to the CEO of all the big insurers
Cantor: we have an [ air quotes ]
“incremental approach”
Wasserman Schultz: that’s code for do nothing
Cantor: we have universal coverage in our bill
Wasserman Schultz: no you don’t you fucking lizard
Cantor: how did you know I was a reptile?
[ rips off face, sticks out forked tongue ]
HISSSSSSSS
Gregory: eww
Kay: If the GOP can carry the amphibian and reptilian votes they can carry Florida and Arizona
Morial: what ever happened to fucking democracy?!?
Cantor: Pelosi wants to ram through her homosexual agenda
Wasserman Schultz: they just want Obama to fail
- oy vey
Gregory: Eric could you support anything in ObamaCare?
Cantor: tort reform, fewer restrictions on insurers and Obama resigning
Gregory: Obama should never have pushed for a necessary popular health care reform
Kay: that’s entirely dimwitted Daniel
Gregory: my name’s David
Kay: really?
Morial: we need to pass a motherfucking bill!
Brownstein: this is a gut-check moment Democrats - get off your ass take a risk and go for it on 4th and goal - you’re almost in the damm end zone!
Gregory: Charlie Rangel broke ethics rules!
Cantor: oh no so so so sad [ begins weeping ]
Wasserman Schultz: oy gevalt!
Gregory: Obama tried to get Governor Paterson out - and now look what’s happened
Kay: this proves Obama has no clout
Gregory: ha that makes no sense at all - we’ll leave
it there -- Go USA!
*****************
by Culture of Truth
********************
Sen. John McCain (R-AZ)
Nancy-Ann DeParle: White House health reform director
Rep. Eric Cantor (R-VA)
Rep. Wasserman Schultz (D-FL)
Marc Morial - President National Urban League
************************
Gregory: what happened at the health care summit?
McCain: it was 7 hours - almost as much fun as
a Matlock marathon
Gregory: so it was good
McCain: yes but the President is planning to seize tyrannical power by passing laws with 51 votes
Gregory: so how will you react if the Democrats
do this terrible thing
McCain: reconciliation is evil
Gregory: you voted for reconciliation 9 times
McCain: yes but I objected strenuously to my votes
Gregory: Obama reminded you that the American people hate you
McCain: yes but the idea that you pass laws with
60 votes and a massive majority in the House is
just plain crazy
Gregory: how odd
McCain: it’s totally unsavory to make a deal to build a hospital in Connecticut behind closed doors
Gregory: you’re kidding
McCain: policy cannot be made by deals made
with lawmakers
Gregory: with all due respect you cannot possibly
be serious
McCain: I am serious and don’t offer me pudding
if you don’t have any
Gregory: John I didn’t offer you pudding
McCain: [ yells at cloud ]
Gregory: this bill is just like RomneyCare
McCain: why don’t the Democrats just agree to what Republicans want after all I was elected President - not him
Gregory: no you weren’t - you lost
McCain: then why I am always on tv?
Gregory: you’re the Jerry Stiller of pundit tv - a hilariously weird grandpa
McCain: look the way you have bipartisan negotiations is you get drunk with Ted Kennedy
and completely forget what you agreed to -
Obama didn’t do this that way at all
Gregory: How should Obama do it?
McCain: agree to everything Republicans want
Gregory: is it good for Republicans to do nothing?
McCain: the American people want us to start over go behind closed doors and make a deal
Gregory: why do the American people hate the bill so much?
McCain: the people hate cynical deals made behind closed doors
Gregory: you’re senile but JD Hayworth is insane
McCain: believe me I know
Gregory: is Obama a socialist?
McCain: look Obama refuses to sit down with us
Gregory: he sat down with you this week
McCain: which proved how wily he is!
Gregory: you said before that if military leaders supported repealing ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’ You would agree but now you don’t
McCain: but there’s a supply sergeant in Germany who doesn’t like gays so we can’t
Gregory: I see
McCain: they are all saying no
Gregory: no they aren’t
McCain: it’s clear that we are in two wars so
gays are icky
Gregory: you voted for the evil TARP
McCain: Hank Paulson lied to me!!!
Gregory: you seem easily fooled
McCain: I’m no Matlock
Gregory: he says without TARP we’d have 25% unemployment
McCain: I read it in all the newspapers - they lied to all of us and saved General Motors which is nuts!!
Gregory: Iraq has been incredibly successful - can we do the same wonderful things in Afghanistan?
McCain: oh of course - but don’t forget we could still fail in Iraq - that’s what a great idea invading was
Gregory: should we leave Afghanistan?
McCain: I would appreciate it if Obama would go to Afghanistan and tell them he is never leaving
Gregory: anything else
McCain: he could name me President
Gregory: see you next week John
[ break ]
Gregory: Nancy can Obama pass health care reform or not?
DeParle: the President is trying desperately to point out we really need to enact reform
Gregory: do you have the votes?
DeParle: No
Gregory: has the President finally realized Republicans will never stop calling him a Nazi
New Guinean Witch Doctor?
DeParle: hey health care reform already passed the House and Senate by 60 votes
Gregory: McCain objects to all your secret deals
DeParle: I don’t know what Senile John is talking about
Gregory: oh but you did make Super Secret Deals!!
DeParle: how do you know?
Gregory: Honest John McCain told me!
DeParle: the election is over and the geezer lost!
Gregory: how can you go ahead with health care reform when the American people don’t want it
DeParle: they do want health care reform Fluffy
Gregory: if that’s true then why didn’t I put up
a poll that shows that?
DeParle: because you’re a liar and a corporate whore
Gregory: David Brooks says you should raise taxes
DeParle: he’s an idiot
Gregory: but he’s right
DeParle: so let him raise taxes or shut the fuck up
[ break ]
Gregory: Eric why hasn’t health care reform passed?
Cantor: because the American people have decided that health care is no big deal and the most important thing is not letting people sue for malpractice
Wasserman Schultz: hey dipshit right now we’ve got death panels and they are called insurance companies and Dancin’ Dave if you want to quote
a poll - quote that!
Gregory: General Electric won’t let me
Gregory: the reality is that people hate health
care reform
Morial: the reality is that you’re a paid liar
Brownstein: we saw different philosophies this week - the Dems want to cover people with health insurance and Republicans want to protect corporations from lawsuits
Kay: you American idiots have health care just above fucking Cuba
Gregory: let’s face it - Republicans are right all Americans hate the government
Morial: holy shit I heard you are a moron
Cantor: we Republicans care about suffering people - the best way to help people is to empower them to negotiate for heart surgery while they are dying
Wasserman Schultz: good god people are already paying for poor people getting treatment in an emergency room
Gregory: no no no reality check time
Brownstein: the CBO says ObamaCare would lower the deficit but the GOP says they don’t count because it supports a Democratic plan
Gregory: of course
Brownstein: the real problem is white people are afraid they will be giving something free to a lazy black person
Wasserman Schultz: Democrats would cover people, cut costs and cut taxes and the GOP would provide gold toilets to the CEO of all the big insurers
Cantor: we have an [ air quotes ]
“incremental approach”
Wasserman Schultz: that’s code for do nothing
Cantor: we have universal coverage in our bill
Wasserman Schultz: no you don’t you fucking lizard
Cantor: how did you know I was a reptile?
[ rips off face, sticks out forked tongue ]
HISSSSSSSS
Gregory: eww
Kay: If the GOP can carry the amphibian and reptilian votes they can carry Florida and Arizona
Morial: what ever happened to fucking democracy?!?
Cantor: Pelosi wants to ram through her homosexual agenda
Wasserman Schultz: they just want Obama to fail
- oy vey
Gregory: Eric could you support anything in ObamaCare?
Cantor: tort reform, fewer restrictions on insurers and Obama resigning
Gregory: Obama should never have pushed for a necessary popular health care reform
Kay: that’s entirely dimwitted Daniel
Gregory: my name’s David
Kay: really?
Morial: we need to pass a motherfucking bill!
Brownstein: this is a gut-check moment Democrats - get off your ass take a risk and go for it on 4th and goal - you’re almost in the damm end zone!
Gregory: Charlie Rangel broke ethics rules!
Cantor: oh no so so so sad [ begins weeping ]
Wasserman Schultz: oy gevalt!
Gregory: Obama tried to get Governor Paterson out - and now look what’s happened
Kay: this proves Obama has no clout
Gregory: ha that makes no sense at all - we’ll leave
it there -- Go USA!
*****************
by Culture of Truth
********************
ABC’s This Week
ABC’s This Week
February 28, 2010
Host:
Elizabeth Vargas
Guests:
Nancy Pelosi: D-Speaker of the House
Sen. Lamar Alexander: R-TN
***********************************
Vargas: Nancy can you pass health care reform
Pelosi: judging by the summit meeting I would
have to say ‘are you fucking kidding’
Vargas: is that a yes?
Pelosi: well do we want to get a bill passed or get real reform - like close the donut hole
Vargas: ok
Pelosi: wait there’s no more - we have to remove
the Nebraska exception
Vargas: All of the American people hate health care reform
Pelosi: that’s stupid
Vargas: politicians are afriad that no one wants health care
Pelosi: the men in this body need to suck it up,
grow a pair of ovaries and pass real reform
Vargas: Obama dropped the public option
Pelosi: well somehow we need to rein in the evil insurance companies
Vargas: but Obama is to blame for not posting a bill on the Internet
Pelosi: hey Liz if Ted Kennedy hadn’t died would have reform enacted by now
Vargas: oh?
Pelosi: well it would also help if the GOP weren’t
total assholes
Vargas: that goes without saying
Pelosi: people are suffering and can’t wait any longer
Vargas: can House Dems support Senate restrictions on abortion?
Pelosi: we’re going to have to or else turn our backs on insuranceless Americans
Vargas: the Black Caucus says the $15 billion jobs bill, and I quote, “is fucking bullshit”
Pelosi: they’re right
Vargas: so what do you do
Pelosi: the health care reform bill will create 4 million jobs immediately
Vargas: how can Charles Rangel possibly stay in power if he violated ethics rules?
Pelosi: if we kicked everyone out who was unethical Washington DC would look like Atlantic City in January
Vargas: actually AC is crowded in the winter with criminals, gambling addicts and assorted degenerates
Pelosi: see what I mean
Vargas: you called the tea party movement a fake movement
Pelosi: no I called them Astroturf - but I love
indoor grass
Vargas: you have common ground with the loony tea partiers??
Pelosi: well let’s see them prove they are genuine by voting with us against corporations
Vargas: give yourself a grade
Pelosi: I give me an A for effort
Vargas: but you can’t pass any laws
Pelosi: Republicans require 60 votes just to approve the morning prayer so the Senate runs out of time
to get shit done
Vargas: what grade would give the Senate
Pelosi: uh what’s below F?? Z? Omega?
[ break ]
Vargas: Lamar will you ever cooperate with Obama?
Alexander: yes if he discards all his ideas and adopts all GOP ideas
Vargas: what’s your problem with the bill?
Alexander: it hurts Medicare
Vargas: are you serious?
Alexander: also he’s unacceptably jamming it through after a year of debate with a majority vote
Vargas: but the GOP uses reconciliation all the time
Alexander: yes but it has never been used for ‘Democratic’ laws - that’s the big difference
Vargas: I don’t understand
Alexander: it would be the end of the US Senate to impose majority rule on the American people
Vargas: it seems like people want some health care reform
Alexander: sure it’s a good idea but there’s a sense among lunatics that taxpayers are the jews for Obama’s ovens
Vargas: so if the Democrats lose all their seats what do you care?
Alexander: well then we’d have to repeal it and that would take too much time from stopping underwear bombers
Vargas: you say America can no longer do
big things
Alexander: yes
Vargas: that’s not good
Alexander: Obama can learn from George W. Bush and his restrained ways
Vargas: Pfffftt!!! [ spit take ]
Alexander: we do better as a nation when we do
little or nothing
Vargas: what an inspiring thought
Alexander: a 2,700 page bill written near a holiday after the sun sets is inevitably fascist
Vargas: you have a fascinating world view
Alexander: we have a country too complex to do big things
Vargas: if a Republican votes with Dems they get called ‘Judas’
Alexander: yes but in the tea party that’s a compliment
Vargas: really?
Alexander: like Joe McCarthy or Ayn Rand he was
a greatly misunderstood hero
Vargas: oh my
Alexander: it’s all in the new ConservaBible -
look it up
******************
by Culture of Truth
February 28, 2010
Host:
Elizabeth Vargas
Guests:
Nancy Pelosi: D-Speaker of the House
Sen. Lamar Alexander: R-TN
***********************************
Vargas: Nancy can you pass health care reform
Pelosi: judging by the summit meeting I would
have to say ‘are you fucking kidding’
Vargas: is that a yes?
Pelosi: well do we want to get a bill passed or get real reform - like close the donut hole
Vargas: ok
Pelosi: wait there’s no more - we have to remove
the Nebraska exception
Vargas: All of the American people hate health care reform
Pelosi: that’s stupid
Vargas: politicians are afriad that no one wants health care
Pelosi: the men in this body need to suck it up,
grow a pair of ovaries and pass real reform
Vargas: Obama dropped the public option
Pelosi: well somehow we need to rein in the evil insurance companies
Vargas: but Obama is to blame for not posting a bill on the Internet
Pelosi: hey Liz if Ted Kennedy hadn’t died would have reform enacted by now
Vargas: oh?
Pelosi: well it would also help if the GOP weren’t
total assholes
Vargas: that goes without saying
Pelosi: people are suffering and can’t wait any longer
Vargas: can House Dems support Senate restrictions on abortion?
Pelosi: we’re going to have to or else turn our backs on insuranceless Americans
Vargas: the Black Caucus says the $15 billion jobs bill, and I quote, “is fucking bullshit”
Pelosi: they’re right
Vargas: so what do you do
Pelosi: the health care reform bill will create 4 million jobs immediately
Vargas: how can Charles Rangel possibly stay in power if he violated ethics rules?
Pelosi: if we kicked everyone out who was unethical Washington DC would look like Atlantic City in January
Vargas: actually AC is crowded in the winter with criminals, gambling addicts and assorted degenerates
Pelosi: see what I mean
Vargas: you called the tea party movement a fake movement
Pelosi: no I called them Astroturf - but I love
indoor grass
Vargas: you have common ground with the loony tea partiers??
Pelosi: well let’s see them prove they are genuine by voting with us against corporations
Vargas: give yourself a grade
Pelosi: I give me an A for effort
Vargas: but you can’t pass any laws
Pelosi: Republicans require 60 votes just to approve the morning prayer so the Senate runs out of time
to get shit done
Vargas: what grade would give the Senate
Pelosi: uh what’s below F?? Z? Omega?
[ break ]
Vargas: Lamar will you ever cooperate with Obama?
Alexander: yes if he discards all his ideas and adopts all GOP ideas
Vargas: what’s your problem with the bill?
Alexander: it hurts Medicare
Vargas: are you serious?
Alexander: also he’s unacceptably jamming it through after a year of debate with a majority vote
Vargas: but the GOP uses reconciliation all the time
Alexander: yes but it has never been used for ‘Democratic’ laws - that’s the big difference
Vargas: I don’t understand
Alexander: it would be the end of the US Senate to impose majority rule on the American people
Vargas: it seems like people want some health care reform
Alexander: sure it’s a good idea but there’s a sense among lunatics that taxpayers are the jews for Obama’s ovens
Vargas: so if the Democrats lose all their seats what do you care?
Alexander: well then we’d have to repeal it and that would take too much time from stopping underwear bombers
Vargas: you say America can no longer do
big things
Alexander: yes
Vargas: that’s not good
Alexander: Obama can learn from George W. Bush and his restrained ways
Vargas: Pfffftt!!! [ spit take ]
Alexander: we do better as a nation when we do
little or nothing
Vargas: what an inspiring thought
Alexander: a 2,700 page bill written near a holiday after the sun sets is inevitably fascist
Vargas: you have a fascinating world view
Alexander: we have a country too complex to do big things
Vargas: if a Republican votes with Dems they get called ‘Judas’
Alexander: yes but in the tea party that’s a compliment
Vargas: really?
Alexander: like Joe McCarthy or Ayn Rand he was
a greatly misunderstood hero
Vargas: oh my
Alexander: it’s all in the new ConservaBible -
look it up
******************
by Culture of Truth
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Meet the Press - February 21, 2010
Guests:
Gen. David Petraeus
Gov. Tim Pawlenty
Rep. Van Hollen
Rep. Mike Pence
February 21, 2010
*********
Gregory: General we’ve had amazing success against the Taliban this week - how big a defeat is
this for Obama??
Petraeus: actually we’re winning and doing very well
Gregory: that’s not what I heard from the GOP
Petraeus: well you’re an idiot
Gregory: but there are questions-
Petraeus: shut up
Gregory: [ high pitched voice ]
but there are U.S. losses!
Petraeus: we’re sending in our Very Special Forces
Gregory: like ‘Special’ special or
‘Family Guy’ special?
Petraeus: ha
Gregory: so now that Obama is President I am concerned about U.S. losses
Petraeus: hey Fluffy did you know that 9/11 was planned in Afghanistan, Hamburg and Florida?
Gregory: good I want to help you invade
Daytona Beach
Petraeus: I’m with you Dancin Dave
Gregory: so who is this guy you caught?
Petraeus: we’re carrying this fight against the Taliban with our new allies the Tallyban
Gregory: Shouldn’t we be torturing this swarthy man?
Petraeus: Hey moron - torture doesn’t work
Gregory: but it’s fun
Petraeus: no it backfires and hurts America overseas
Gregory: awww
Petraeus: torture isn’t biodegradable - that’s why
Al Gore hates it
Greogry: but wasn’t Obama short-sighted for
closing our Caribbean torture gulag?
Petraeus: I heard you were a moron
Gregory: Dick Cheney says we are going to be nuked
Petraeus: well he’s thinking of his failures and not Obama’s successes
Gregory: 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11
Petraeus: idiot
Gregory: OMG Iran is going to drop a nuclear
bomb on us!!!!
Petraeus: Calm down Fluffy
Gregory: But Daddy I’m scared!!!
Petraeus: Don’t worry we’re sending Iran a
sternly worded letter
Gregory: but shouldn’t Israel just bomb Iran?
Petraeus: Let me put it this way - wheeeeee
[makes whistling sound of bomb flying
through the air]
Gregory: Is Iraq a Democracy?
Petraeus: It’s an Iraqracy
Gregory: what is that?
Petraeus: Freer than North Korea but not as
fair as Florida in 2000
Gregory: close enough
Gregory: Isn’t this the wrong time to let those icky gay people in the military what with all the wars?
Petraeus: don’t worry Fluffy we won’t take you anyway
Gregory: but gay people are so gay!
Petraeus: have you seen the Olympics?
Gregory: good point - after all half the GOP
Congress are gay
Petraeus: hey if they can fire a gun they can
fight with me
Gregory: I bet they can General
[ break ]
Gregory: Dick Cheney says Obama is a one-term President
Pawlenty: ooh I sure I hope Dick is right
Gregory: there’s a first time for everything
Pawlenty: we’re going to win in 2010 but I’m not sure about 2012 since the world may end
Gregory: you also say the GOP blew it
Pawlenty: yes but that was only the last 30 years - we’ve completely changed since 2008
Gregory: oh ok
Pawlenty: but these are serious times and we
need serious solutions
Gregory: like what
Pawlenty: repealing all Miranda rights
Gregory: you said we smash should the government with a nine-iron since a black man is President!!
Pawlenty: I had to say racist weird shit because China buys our debt
Gregory: are you running for President?
Pawlenty: sure - I’m dumb but white so why not?
Gregory: what about the stimulus?
Pawlenty: we need to grow the economy by
cutting taxes
Gregory: did the stimulus work?
Pawlenty: no
Gregory: but it created jobs
Pawlenty: but just government jobs
Gregory: so they don’t count?
Pawlenty: no because it only created 2 million jobs
Gregory: what are you answers?
Pawlenty: cut taxes
Gregory: anything else?
Pawlenty: take some taxes and cut them
Gregory: what is your vision for America?
Pawlenty: do anything we can to give stuff to corporations
Gregory: what about the debt?
Pawlenty: we should cut federal spending
Gregory: what about the wars?
Pawlenty: oh not defense
Gregory: so where do you cut?
Pawlenty: cut benefits for cushy overpaid bus drivers
Gregory: are we winning the war on terror?
Pawlenty: yes thanks to Dick Cheney
Gregory: is the climate changing?
Pawlenty: yes but it it all natural so we must declare war on Mother Nature - if we pour more coal into the atmosphere - that will show her!
Gregory: Gays in the military?
Pawlenty: no Republicans don’t want to join up anyway
Gregory: health care reform?
Pawlenty: just let people shop around for the best open heart surgery while they are dying
Gregory: tell me all your thoughts on God
Pawlenty: God wants to me to run for President and lose to Mitt Romney in the primaries in February
of 2012
Gregory: well ok then
[ break ]
Gregory: ok surprising many people Evan Bayh flew a plane into the IRS building this week - what is going on?
Pence: I agree with Evan Bayh that Democrats are evil and we should violently overthrow the government
Van Hollen: hey we passed a lot of bills and the Republicans recently voted against the “Republicans Get What They Want Act of 2010”
Gregory: Some say Obama should just give the GOP whatever they want
Dionne: The Republican Party has gone completely insane - which is fine but you can’t blame Obama for their intransigence
Noonan: we need more good things and not
bad things
Pence: We would love to work with Obama but he’s an evil man cooking up creepy things in back rooms
Van Hollen: The Democrats cut taxes on 95% and the GOP said that’s not enough because the poor rich were left out
Gregory: health care summit?
Dionne: the summit will be useful because people will actually be able to compare their ideas instead of yelling about not cooperating
Pence: no fair!
Noonan: Hitler used to pass bills of 1,000 pages
Dionne: oh
Noonan: also tax cuts are bad when Democrats do it
Pence: let me be clear on this - we are willing to work with Democrats if they do everything we want
Van Hollen: oh is that all?
Pence: also if Obama resigns
Gregory: Ha the GOP is going to take the House!
Van Hollen: no they aren’t stupid
Pence: the American people are tired of personal irresponsibility, big spending, debt and bailouts
George W. Bush:
[watching at home, in his underwear, drinking beer]
aaaw fuck you Pency!
[ throws slipper at tv ]
Gregory: thanks for watching
Bush: aw fuck you too fluffy
Laura: Calm down George
***********
Gen. David Petraeus
Gov. Tim Pawlenty
Rep. Van Hollen
Rep. Mike Pence
February 21, 2010
*********
Gregory: General we’ve had amazing success against the Taliban this week - how big a defeat is
this for Obama??
Petraeus: actually we’re winning and doing very well
Gregory: that’s not what I heard from the GOP
Petraeus: well you’re an idiot
Gregory: but there are questions-
Petraeus: shut up
Gregory: [ high pitched voice ]
but there are U.S. losses!
Petraeus: we’re sending in our Very Special Forces
Gregory: like ‘Special’ special or
‘Family Guy’ special?
Petraeus: ha
Gregory: so now that Obama is President I am concerned about U.S. losses
Petraeus: hey Fluffy did you know that 9/11 was planned in Afghanistan, Hamburg and Florida?
Gregory: good I want to help you invade
Daytona Beach
Petraeus: I’m with you Dancin Dave
Gregory: so who is this guy you caught?
Petraeus: we’re carrying this fight against the Taliban with our new allies the Tallyban
Gregory: Shouldn’t we be torturing this swarthy man?
Petraeus: Hey moron - torture doesn’t work
Gregory: but it’s fun
Petraeus: no it backfires and hurts America overseas
Gregory: awww
Petraeus: torture isn’t biodegradable - that’s why
Al Gore hates it
Greogry: but wasn’t Obama short-sighted for
closing our Caribbean torture gulag?
Petraeus: I heard you were a moron
Gregory: Dick Cheney says we are going to be nuked
Petraeus: well he’s thinking of his failures and not Obama’s successes
Gregory: 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11
Petraeus: idiot
Gregory: OMG Iran is going to drop a nuclear
bomb on us!!!!
Petraeus: Calm down Fluffy
Gregory: But Daddy I’m scared!!!
Petraeus: Don’t worry we’re sending Iran a
sternly worded letter
Gregory: but shouldn’t Israel just bomb Iran?
Petraeus: Let me put it this way - wheeeeee
[makes whistling sound of bomb flying
through the air]
Gregory: Is Iraq a Democracy?
Petraeus: It’s an Iraqracy
Gregory: what is that?
Petraeus: Freer than North Korea but not as
fair as Florida in 2000
Gregory: close enough
Gregory: Isn’t this the wrong time to let those icky gay people in the military what with all the wars?
Petraeus: don’t worry Fluffy we won’t take you anyway
Gregory: but gay people are so gay!
Petraeus: have you seen the Olympics?
Gregory: good point - after all half the GOP
Congress are gay
Petraeus: hey if they can fire a gun they can
fight with me
Gregory: I bet they can General
[ break ]
Gregory: Dick Cheney says Obama is a one-term President
Pawlenty: ooh I sure I hope Dick is right
Gregory: there’s a first time for everything
Pawlenty: we’re going to win in 2010 but I’m not sure about 2012 since the world may end
Gregory: you also say the GOP blew it
Pawlenty: yes but that was only the last 30 years - we’ve completely changed since 2008
Gregory: oh ok
Pawlenty: but these are serious times and we
need serious solutions
Gregory: like what
Pawlenty: repealing all Miranda rights
Gregory: you said we smash should the government with a nine-iron since a black man is President!!
Pawlenty: I had to say racist weird shit because China buys our debt
Gregory: are you running for President?
Pawlenty: sure - I’m dumb but white so why not?
Gregory: what about the stimulus?
Pawlenty: we need to grow the economy by
cutting taxes
Gregory: did the stimulus work?
Pawlenty: no
Gregory: but it created jobs
Pawlenty: but just government jobs
Gregory: so they don’t count?
Pawlenty: no because it only created 2 million jobs
Gregory: what are you answers?
Pawlenty: cut taxes
Gregory: anything else?
Pawlenty: take some taxes and cut them
Gregory: what is your vision for America?
Pawlenty: do anything we can to give stuff to corporations
Gregory: what about the debt?
Pawlenty: we should cut federal spending
Gregory: what about the wars?
Pawlenty: oh not defense
Gregory: so where do you cut?
Pawlenty: cut benefits for cushy overpaid bus drivers
Gregory: are we winning the war on terror?
Pawlenty: yes thanks to Dick Cheney
Gregory: is the climate changing?
Pawlenty: yes but it it all natural so we must declare war on Mother Nature - if we pour more coal into the atmosphere - that will show her!
Gregory: Gays in the military?
Pawlenty: no Republicans don’t want to join up anyway
Gregory: health care reform?
Pawlenty: just let people shop around for the best open heart surgery while they are dying
Gregory: tell me all your thoughts on God
Pawlenty: God wants to me to run for President and lose to Mitt Romney in the primaries in February
of 2012
Gregory: well ok then
[ break ]
Gregory: ok surprising many people Evan Bayh flew a plane into the IRS building this week - what is going on?
Pence: I agree with Evan Bayh that Democrats are evil and we should violently overthrow the government
Van Hollen: hey we passed a lot of bills and the Republicans recently voted against the “Republicans Get What They Want Act of 2010”
Gregory: Some say Obama should just give the GOP whatever they want
Dionne: The Republican Party has gone completely insane - which is fine but you can’t blame Obama for their intransigence
Noonan: we need more good things and not
bad things
Pence: We would love to work with Obama but he’s an evil man cooking up creepy things in back rooms
Van Hollen: The Democrats cut taxes on 95% and the GOP said that’s not enough because the poor rich were left out
Gregory: health care summit?
Dionne: the summit will be useful because people will actually be able to compare their ideas instead of yelling about not cooperating
Pence: no fair!
Noonan: Hitler used to pass bills of 1,000 pages
Dionne: oh
Noonan: also tax cuts are bad when Democrats do it
Pence: let me be clear on this - we are willing to work with Democrats if they do everything we want
Van Hollen: oh is that all?
Pence: also if Obama resigns
Gregory: Ha the GOP is going to take the House!
Van Hollen: no they aren’t stupid
Pence: the American people are tired of personal irresponsibility, big spending, debt and bailouts
George W. Bush:
[watching at home, in his underwear, drinking beer]
aaaw fuck you Pency!
[ throws slipper at tv ]
Gregory: thanks for watching
Bush: aw fuck you too fluffy
Laura: Calm down George
***********
This Week with Schwarzenegger and Ed Rendell - Feb. 21, 2010
February 21, 2010
Host: Terry Moran
Guests:
Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger (R-CA)
Gov. Ed Rendell (D-PA)
**********************
Moran: hey Governors the economy really sucks
Schwarzenegger: yah but haus sales are up and peeple are getting back to verk
Moran: Ed Pennsylvania sucks like California without the nice weather
Rendell: yes I predict things will go from spectacularly bad to merely horribly crappy
Moran: that sounds great
Rendell: thankfully Obama staved off disaster temporarily
Moran: I noticed the $200 billion jobs bill went
to $15 billion
Schwarzenegger: yah ve need to rebuilt Amerrycah
Moran: oh ok
Schwarzenegger: eff you built it zee peepel vill
come like Ike did ven he come to Ameruricah
Moran: but that was in the 50s when America
didn’t suck!
Rendell: we need jobs that can’t be outsourced
Moran: like what?
Rendell: bring back the steel industry
Moran: [ facepalm ] oh god
Rendell: no one is willing to plan beyond the
next election
Moran: let’s talk about the next election - here’s robot Mitt Romney
Romney: Employers were so scared by the stimulus they refused to hire people!
Schwarzenegger: but zen zey Republicans zey claim credit for creating jobs eets hippocrazy
Rendell: that’s well put muscle man
Schwarzenegger: da steemuloos vas gud
for gullyfornia
Rendell: Romney is a clever liar his programmer should be very proud
Moran: it may be a lie but it worked - which is the only important thing
Rendell: Obama let the GOP spin the media on the people on the effectiveness of the stimulus
Moran: what should he have done?
Rendell: should have emphasized that the stimulus helped hard-working white people!
Moran: Conservatives had a conference - wow they are so popular with crazy people!
Schwarzenegger: zey are ze party of ‘No’ but zats
ok because peeple are very angry
Moran: we should give them all guns
Schwarzenegger: yah all lessons of life zey
can be learned from de sports
Moran: of course
Schwarzenegger: but you fail sometimes and zen you succeed - for example I vaz in zat movie about a
pregnant man and zen I married a kennedy
Moran: that’s very nice Arnold but let’s talk about how Obama is a failure
Rendell: Fuck you and fuck Congressman
Pence too
Moran: We have to raise taxes and cut Medicare
Rendell: we have to raise the retirement age on those lazy old people!
Schwarzenegger: ve need da high speed rail and
da vater projects just look at zee pershians and zee romans and ze Egypt peeples
Moran: health care?
Schwarzenegger: ve must talk about fat kids
Moran: anything else?
Schwarzenegger: Dort reform!
Rendell: Republicans should have ideas
that don’t suck
Schwarzenegger: oh noes zats not gud
*****************
Host: Terry Moran
Guests:
Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger (R-CA)
Gov. Ed Rendell (D-PA)
**********************
Moran: hey Governors the economy really sucks
Schwarzenegger: yah but haus sales are up and peeple are getting back to verk
Moran: Ed Pennsylvania sucks like California without the nice weather
Rendell: yes I predict things will go from spectacularly bad to merely horribly crappy
Moran: that sounds great
Rendell: thankfully Obama staved off disaster temporarily
Moran: I noticed the $200 billion jobs bill went
to $15 billion
Schwarzenegger: yah ve need to rebuilt Amerrycah
Moran: oh ok
Schwarzenegger: eff you built it zee peepel vill
come like Ike did ven he come to Ameruricah
Moran: but that was in the 50s when America
didn’t suck!
Rendell: we need jobs that can’t be outsourced
Moran: like what?
Rendell: bring back the steel industry
Moran: [ facepalm ] oh god
Rendell: no one is willing to plan beyond the
next election
Moran: let’s talk about the next election - here’s robot Mitt Romney
Romney: Employers were so scared by the stimulus they refused to hire people!
Schwarzenegger: but zen zey Republicans zey claim credit for creating jobs eets hippocrazy
Rendell: that’s well put muscle man
Schwarzenegger: da steemuloos vas gud
for gullyfornia
Rendell: Romney is a clever liar his programmer should be very proud
Moran: it may be a lie but it worked - which is the only important thing
Rendell: Obama let the GOP spin the media on the people on the effectiveness of the stimulus
Moran: what should he have done?
Rendell: should have emphasized that the stimulus helped hard-working white people!
Moran: Conservatives had a conference - wow they are so popular with crazy people!
Schwarzenegger: zey are ze party of ‘No’ but zats
ok because peeple are very angry
Moran: we should give them all guns
Schwarzenegger: yah all lessons of life zey
can be learned from de sports
Moran: of course
Schwarzenegger: but you fail sometimes and zen you succeed - for example I vaz in zat movie about a
pregnant man and zen I married a kennedy
Moran: that’s very nice Arnold but let’s talk about how Obama is a failure
Rendell: Fuck you and fuck Congressman
Pence too
Moran: We have to raise taxes and cut Medicare
Rendell: we have to raise the retirement age on those lazy old people!
Schwarzenegger: ve need da high speed rail and
da vater projects just look at zee pershians and zee romans and ze Egypt peeples
Moran: health care?
Schwarzenegger: ve must talk about fat kids
Moran: anything else?
Schwarzenegger: Dort reform!
Rendell: Republicans should have ideas
that don’t suck
Schwarzenegger: oh noes zats not gud
*****************
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Meet The Press with Joe Biden - February 14, 2010
Guest:
Vice President Joe Biden
Rachel Maddow
Harold Ford
David Brooks
Rep Aaron Schock (R-Illinois)
February 14, 2010
************
Gregory: Hey Joe - how are the Olympic
games going?
Biden: except for that one guy dying they’re awesome!!
Gregory: you want to give Khalid Sheik Mohammed a fair trial but where?
Biden: somewhere safe and appropriate like New York City, Governor’s Island, White Plains
or Alabama
Gregory: haven’t you already decided not to release Khalid Sheik Mohammed??
Biden: Calm down Fluffy
Gregory: [ grinning ] but by being sure of a conviction aren’t you prejudging the case?
Biden: god you are an idiot
Gregory: [ grinning ] but where is the justice??
Biden: jesus you’re stupid
Gregory: let me repeat a bunch of nonsense
from Dick Cheney
Biden: Fuck Dick Cheney
Gregory: but he says you are weak on terror
Biden: Dick Cheney is entitled to shoot a man in the face but he is not entitled to make bullshit up and have it spewed on ‘Meet The Press’
Gregory: yes he is
Biden: well he’s fucking crazy
Gregory: why do you think he’s lying?
Biden: maybe he’s an idiot too
Gregory: but you would never be outspoken
like that?
Biden: you fucking troglodyte - it’s not about being outspoken it’s about fucking lying
Gregory: unemployment has risen by 2 points
since you took office
Biden: hey stupid - we prevented a Depression and are slowly turning this economy around
Gregory: but in my opinion you have failed by not ending all unemployment
Biden: we’re actually accomplishing something you fatuous grinning fool
Gregory: but you have to concede that you are a bad Vice President
Biden: Hey Bubblehead why don’t you shut the fuck up and learn some facts?
Gregory: wasn’t pursuing health care reform a huge mistake?
Biden: sure it was - it’s necessary for the future of America but the people hate shit like that - they only like promise of candy and Disney rides
Gregory: Iran has a nuclear bomb when are we going to war??!?
Biden: Jesus Calm the Fuck down Fluffers - we have Iran isolated and boasting about sending worms in space
Gregory: Worms in Space - OH NO?!!?!!?!!
Biden: [ rolls eyes ]
Gregory: How is Iraq a victory for Obama?
Biden: by getting the hell out of that mess
Gregory: Was invading Iraq worth it?
Biden: Hell no dumbass
Gregory: What’s going on in Afghanistan?
Biden: we’re adding more seasoned, tough
and tender elements
Gregory: Pashtun warriors?
Biden: no I’m talking about Afghan barbecue
[ break ]
Gregory: [ grinning ] Obama is soft is terrorism!
Brooks: that’s totally bogus
Gregory: oh poo
Brooks: but you either follow the Constitution or
you get good intelligence
Maddow: what a fucking liar you are David Brooks
Ford: Obama is tough - he bombed a wedding reception Afghanistan!
Brooks: that was justified - it was an all-ABBA theme
Rep. Schock: why would we put criminals on trial when you could put them in a gulag!?!
Gregory: [ high pitched voice ]
if you’re not going to let go why even put them
on trial?!?!
Maddow: good luck with that lynch mob Greggers
Gregory: but but but -
Maddow: a terrorist is not a warrior - that gives them too much stature
Brooks: by predicting a conviction Joe Biden is betraying our values
Gregory: by saying KSM would face the death penalty there can be no justice!
Schock: I represent white mainstream values and the
beige heartland of America!
Ford: we should put KSM in a torture chamber so we can save money and pay down the debt
Maddow: [ jaw drops ]
Schock: that makes sense
Maddow: What is wrong with reading someone their Miranda rights?
Schock: People with Miranda rights don’t talk
Maddow: that’s not true
Ford: Rachel is right
Gregory: harry reid has boldly submitted a $15 billion jobs bill
Brooks: partisanship, pork and pointlessness all
in one
Schock: the stimulus bill didn’t create long-term growth
Maddow: it was only enacted this year buddy
Schock: we need to create certainty by cutting more and more taxes
Maddow: the GOP trashed the stimulus bill and then Congressmen take credit for all the spending
in their districts
Schock: we had to take the money the Democrats forced us!
Ford: the GOP are the debtors
Maddow: the real issue is hypocrisy
Brooks: Obama is a hypocrite for inviting GOP members to a health care bill even if he won’t
put all GOP ideas in the bill
Gregory: does the GOP have any ideas at all?
Rep: sure our idea is to start from scratch and
then do nothing at all
Maddow: oh for god’s sake the entire summer was wasted putting Republican ideas in the bill!
Brooks: national transformation is hard - we can’t have health care reform because of the Vietnam war
Gregory: Harold will you run against Kristen Gillibrand
Ford: I’ve been humbled by what people have been saying about you
Maddow: dude you should be
Gregory: are you a real New Yorker?
Ford: indeed someday I may even pay taxes here
Gregory: how nice
Ford: people want to cut the debt and we need to remember that as Republicans
Gregory: I thought you were a Democrat
Ford: the point is I will run as a champion of Wall Street bonuses
Gregory: are you pro-choice?
Ford: If you can’t see ‘Twilight’ without parental notification why can you have an abortion
Gregory: well I wouldn’t do either one
Gregory: Rachel - Democrats can’t govern!
Maddow: no stupid - Republicans won’t let government work
Schock: Americans want lower taxes and deregulation
Gregory: didn’t we try that for 8 years?
Schock: we did? I was 6 years old when Bush
was elected
Brooks: we need a third party to raise taxes and cut medicare
Gregory: a modern-day Ross Perot
Brooks: he’s insane
Gregory: I liked Perot
Maddow: he meant you Fluffy
******************
Vice President Joe Biden
Rachel Maddow
Harold Ford
David Brooks
Rep Aaron Schock (R-Illinois)
February 14, 2010
************
Gregory: Hey Joe - how are the Olympic
games going?
Biden: except for that one guy dying they’re awesome!!
Gregory: you want to give Khalid Sheik Mohammed a fair trial but where?
Biden: somewhere safe and appropriate like New York City, Governor’s Island, White Plains
or Alabama
Gregory: haven’t you already decided not to release Khalid Sheik Mohammed??
Biden: Calm down Fluffy
Gregory: [ grinning ] but by being sure of a conviction aren’t you prejudging the case?
Biden: god you are an idiot
Gregory: [ grinning ] but where is the justice??
Biden: jesus you’re stupid
Gregory: let me repeat a bunch of nonsense
from Dick Cheney
Biden: Fuck Dick Cheney
Gregory: but he says you are weak on terror
Biden: Dick Cheney is entitled to shoot a man in the face but he is not entitled to make bullshit up and have it spewed on ‘Meet The Press’
Gregory: yes he is
Biden: well he’s fucking crazy
Gregory: why do you think he’s lying?
Biden: maybe he’s an idiot too
Gregory: but you would never be outspoken
like that?
Biden: you fucking troglodyte - it’s not about being outspoken it’s about fucking lying
Gregory: unemployment has risen by 2 points
since you took office
Biden: hey stupid - we prevented a Depression and are slowly turning this economy around
Gregory: but in my opinion you have failed by not ending all unemployment
Biden: we’re actually accomplishing something you fatuous grinning fool
Gregory: but you have to concede that you are a bad Vice President
Biden: Hey Bubblehead why don’t you shut the fuck up and learn some facts?
Gregory: wasn’t pursuing health care reform a huge mistake?
Biden: sure it was - it’s necessary for the future of America but the people hate shit like that - they only like promise of candy and Disney rides
Gregory: Iran has a nuclear bomb when are we going to war??!?
Biden: Jesus Calm the Fuck down Fluffers - we have Iran isolated and boasting about sending worms in space
Gregory: Worms in Space - OH NO?!!?!!?!!
Biden: [ rolls eyes ]
Gregory: How is Iraq a victory for Obama?
Biden: by getting the hell out of that mess
Gregory: Was invading Iraq worth it?
Biden: Hell no dumbass
Gregory: What’s going on in Afghanistan?
Biden: we’re adding more seasoned, tough
and tender elements
Gregory: Pashtun warriors?
Biden: no I’m talking about Afghan barbecue
[ break ]
Gregory: [ grinning ] Obama is soft is terrorism!
Brooks: that’s totally bogus
Gregory: oh poo
Brooks: but you either follow the Constitution or
you get good intelligence
Maddow: what a fucking liar you are David Brooks
Ford: Obama is tough - he bombed a wedding reception Afghanistan!
Brooks: that was justified - it was an all-ABBA theme
Rep. Schock: why would we put criminals on trial when you could put them in a gulag!?!
Gregory: [ high pitched voice ]
if you’re not going to let go why even put them
on trial?!?!
Maddow: good luck with that lynch mob Greggers
Gregory: but but but -
Maddow: a terrorist is not a warrior - that gives them too much stature
Brooks: by predicting a conviction Joe Biden is betraying our values
Gregory: by saying KSM would face the death penalty there can be no justice!
Schock: I represent white mainstream values and the
beige heartland of America!
Ford: we should put KSM in a torture chamber so we can save money and pay down the debt
Maddow: [ jaw drops ]
Schock: that makes sense
Maddow: What is wrong with reading someone their Miranda rights?
Schock: People with Miranda rights don’t talk
Maddow: that’s not true
Ford: Rachel is right
Gregory: harry reid has boldly submitted a $15 billion jobs bill
Brooks: partisanship, pork and pointlessness all
in one
Schock: the stimulus bill didn’t create long-term growth
Maddow: it was only enacted this year buddy
Schock: we need to create certainty by cutting more and more taxes
Maddow: the GOP trashed the stimulus bill and then Congressmen take credit for all the spending
in their districts
Schock: we had to take the money the Democrats forced us!
Ford: the GOP are the debtors
Maddow: the real issue is hypocrisy
Brooks: Obama is a hypocrite for inviting GOP members to a health care bill even if he won’t
put all GOP ideas in the bill
Gregory: does the GOP have any ideas at all?
Rep: sure our idea is to start from scratch and
then do nothing at all
Maddow: oh for god’s sake the entire summer was wasted putting Republican ideas in the bill!
Brooks: national transformation is hard - we can’t have health care reform because of the Vietnam war
Gregory: Harold will you run against Kristen Gillibrand
Ford: I’ve been humbled by what people have been saying about you
Maddow: dude you should be
Gregory: are you a real New Yorker?
Ford: indeed someday I may even pay taxes here
Gregory: how nice
Ford: people want to cut the debt and we need to remember that as Republicans
Gregory: I thought you were a Democrat
Ford: the point is I will run as a champion of Wall Street bonuses
Gregory: are you pro-choice?
Ford: If you can’t see ‘Twilight’ without parental notification why can you have an abortion
Gregory: well I wouldn’t do either one
Gregory: Rachel - Democrats can’t govern!
Maddow: no stupid - Republicans won’t let government work
Schock: Americans want lower taxes and deregulation
Gregory: didn’t we try that for 8 years?
Schock: we did? I was 6 years old when Bush
was elected
Brooks: we need a third party to raise taxes and cut medicare
Gregory: a modern-day Ross Perot
Brooks: he’s insane
Gregory: I liked Perot
Maddow: he meant you Fluffy
******************
ABC’s This Week hosted by Jonathan Karl with Dick Cheney
ABC’s This Week
February 14, 2010
Host:
Jonathan Karl
Guest:
Dick Cheney
*****************
Karl: Dick you say Obama won’t recognize the warlike nature of our non-declared war on terror
Cheney: that’s right when terrorists use box cutters to blow up a building that’s an act of war
Karl: so why didn’t you ask for a declaration of
war in 2001?
Cheney: Fuck you
Karl: The President says he’s doing more to combat terrorism that you ever did
Cheney: yes they did fix our mistakes in Afghanistan although it took them too damm long
Karl: Biden says getting out of Iraq will be Obama’s great success
Cheney: I can’t believe they are trying to take
credit for our lying fake useless destructive war -
that is totally mine
Karl: oh really
Cheney: Biden should get down on his knees
and thank George Bush for attacking the wrong country after 9/11
Karl: so you admit it was a mistake?
Cheney: no Saddam fought the Iran-Iraq war and used chemical weapons in the 1980s
Karl: that was all with American support
Cheney: we got rid of one of the worst dictators
of the 20th century
Karl: we’ll talk about George Bush later
Cheney: Obama thinks Iraq is a triumph!
Karl: I think he means getting out of Iraq
Cheney: hey were going to leave just as soon as
we figured out it was all a huge mistake
Karl: how you would have handled the underoos bomber
Cheney: I would have crushed his testicles
Karl: anything else?
Cheney: it’s clear they were totally confused they didn’t know whether to crush his balls or pull
out his fingernails
Karl: decisions, decisions
Cheney: to be fair it’s hard - what with the Constitution and the laws and all that crazy nonsense
Karl: let’s get back to torture - what other creative techniques would you have used?
Cheney: I will leave that to the professionals -
I’m only an amateur sadist
Karl: well make a guess
Cheney: well there’s hot pokers, the iron maiden, Jamie Foxx on the Grammys - all I know is Obama
is a wimp for using the Army Field Manual
Karl: why didn’t you torture Richard Reid?
Cheney: Believe me I would have but I hadn’t talked Bush into it yet
Karl: doesn’t it give the terrorists too much stature
to call them soldiers?
Cheney: I’m not interested in debating our hypocrisy - I just want to say Obama has a weak mindset because he’s never shot a man in the face - do you really want a man like that protecting your family?
Karl: in 2005 the Bush administration was proud their prosecutions!
Cheney: Well I never agreed with that - all those fucking wimps - we had a shootout in the Bush White House over that!
Karl: you had a vigorous disagreement over whether to use enhanced interrogation in the Cabinet?
Cheney: no I mean an actual shootout you dipshit
Karl: so you were the chief advocate for useless cruelty?
Cheney: I’m President of the Waterboarding Fan Club - DC chapter
Karl: who else is in that?
Cheney: Me, Rumsfeld, John Yoo, Addington -
Fred Hiatt is the secretary
Karl: Bush released terrorists back to the
Middle East!
Cheney: only because the wimps and weak-kneed softies and liberals back in the Bush White House made us - you see it was the strawberries--
Karl: [ backs away slowly ]
you seem a little crazy Dick
Cheney: I could prove torturing innocent people worked with geometric logic if only I had the duplicate key
[ fondles metal balls ]
Karl: you didn’t do anything against Iran
Cheney: yeah that fucking baby Bush left Iran a
big threat for Obama to deal with dammit
Karl: was it a mistake not to bomb Iran?
Cheney: you’re goddamm fucking right it was a mistake - we took out Saddam but it wasn’t enough
Karl: Palin says Obama should declare war on Iran so he can look tough to raise his popularity
Cheney: she’s a fucking idiot
Karl: What about Don’t Ask Don’t Tell?
Cheney: it was essential in 2009 but now it’s
a bad idea
Karl: you have a reunion coming up - “Utter Failures” Class of 2008
Cheney: I’m looking forward to seeing the old gang of incompetents, liars, cheats, and sociopaths
Karl: you’re writing a book - what’s it’s called?
Cheney: I can’t tell you but I’ll give you a hint
- it’s
written in blood
February 14, 2010
Host:
Jonathan Karl
Guest:
Dick Cheney
*****************
Karl: Dick you say Obama won’t recognize the warlike nature of our non-declared war on terror
Cheney: that’s right when terrorists use box cutters to blow up a building that’s an act of war
Karl: so why didn’t you ask for a declaration of
war in 2001?
Cheney: Fuck you
Karl: The President says he’s doing more to combat terrorism that you ever did
Cheney: yes they did fix our mistakes in Afghanistan although it took them too damm long
Karl: Biden says getting out of Iraq will be Obama’s great success
Cheney: I can’t believe they are trying to take
credit for our lying fake useless destructive war -
that is totally mine
Karl: oh really
Cheney: Biden should get down on his knees
and thank George Bush for attacking the wrong country after 9/11
Karl: so you admit it was a mistake?
Cheney: no Saddam fought the Iran-Iraq war and used chemical weapons in the 1980s
Karl: that was all with American support
Cheney: we got rid of one of the worst dictators
of the 20th century
Karl: we’ll talk about George Bush later
Cheney: Obama thinks Iraq is a triumph!
Karl: I think he means getting out of Iraq
Cheney: hey were going to leave just as soon as
we figured out it was all a huge mistake
Karl: how you would have handled the underoos bomber
Cheney: I would have crushed his testicles
Karl: anything else?
Cheney: it’s clear they were totally confused they didn’t know whether to crush his balls or pull
out his fingernails
Karl: decisions, decisions
Cheney: to be fair it’s hard - what with the Constitution and the laws and all that crazy nonsense
Karl: let’s get back to torture - what other creative techniques would you have used?
Cheney: I will leave that to the professionals -
I’m only an amateur sadist
Karl: well make a guess
Cheney: well there’s hot pokers, the iron maiden, Jamie Foxx on the Grammys - all I know is Obama
is a wimp for using the Army Field Manual
Karl: why didn’t you torture Richard Reid?
Cheney: Believe me I would have but I hadn’t talked Bush into it yet
Karl: doesn’t it give the terrorists too much stature
to call them soldiers?
Cheney: I’m not interested in debating our hypocrisy - I just want to say Obama has a weak mindset because he’s never shot a man in the face - do you really want a man like that protecting your family?
Karl: in 2005 the Bush administration was proud their prosecutions!
Cheney: Well I never agreed with that - all those fucking wimps - we had a shootout in the Bush White House over that!
Karl: you had a vigorous disagreement over whether to use enhanced interrogation in the Cabinet?
Cheney: no I mean an actual shootout you dipshit
Karl: so you were the chief advocate for useless cruelty?
Cheney: I’m President of the Waterboarding Fan Club - DC chapter
Karl: who else is in that?
Cheney: Me, Rumsfeld, John Yoo, Addington -
Fred Hiatt is the secretary
Karl: Bush released terrorists back to the
Middle East!
Cheney: only because the wimps and weak-kneed softies and liberals back in the Bush White House made us - you see it was the strawberries--
Karl: [ backs away slowly ]
you seem a little crazy Dick
Cheney: I could prove torturing innocent people worked with geometric logic if only I had the duplicate key
[ fondles metal balls ]
Karl: you didn’t do anything against Iran
Cheney: yeah that fucking baby Bush left Iran a
big threat for Obama to deal with dammit
Karl: was it a mistake not to bomb Iran?
Cheney: you’re goddamm fucking right it was a mistake - we took out Saddam but it wasn’t enough
Karl: Palin says Obama should declare war on Iran so he can look tough to raise his popularity
Cheney: she’s a fucking idiot
Karl: What about Don’t Ask Don’t Tell?
Cheney: it was essential in 2009 but now it’s
a bad idea
Karl: you have a reunion coming up - “Utter Failures” Class of 2008
Cheney: I’m looking forward to seeing the old gang of incompetents, liars, cheats, and sociopaths
Karl: you’re writing a book - what’s it’s called?
Cheney: I can’t tell you but I’ll give you a hint
- it’s
written in blood
Sunday, February 07, 2010
Meet The Press - February 7, 2010
Guests:
John Brennan
Ed Gillespie
Dee Myers
**********************
Gregory: how does Obama define winning
the war against an abstract method of killing
Brennan: cracking foreign skulls
Gregory: OMG all those intelligence guys say
we’re going to be attacked!!!!
Brennan: al qaeda is currently recruiting more teenagers and exploring new methods of planting explosives in underpants
Gregory: they are so fiendishly cunning
Brennan: true but we working on developing new technologies on thwarting attacks with Fruit of the Loom, Hanes, Jockey and Victoria’s Secret
Gregory: will terrorists target the SuperBowl??
Brennan: now that Brett Favre is not in it what’s
the point?
Gregory: true
Brennan: we are working with panty sniffers
across the world
Gregory: will they target my shopping mall?
Brennan: if they are smart they will
Gregory: President Brown says we should torture the guy with the funny name
Brennan: I heard you were a moron Fluffy
Gregory: why was he treated as an American citizen
Brennan: he wasn’t you dancing fool
Gregory: but he’s so scary!
Brennan: we did what Bush did for every terrorist
Gregory: but Republicans are tough and you
are a non-torturing wimp
Brennan: you know I’m tired of ignorant liars like Brown
Gregory: that reminds me - by defending yourselves from Republicans lies you endangered national security!!
Brennan: [ palmface ]
jesus christ
Gregory: but you didn’t share information about
how you intended to torture this kid
Brennan: Calm down Fluffy
Gregory: did the GOP sign-off on the decision not squeeze his balls?
Brennan: who knows what the fuck GOP Congressmen think about anything - they’re all fucking liars and idiots
Gregory: so if he is talking what are you learning about al qaeda?
Brennan: it turns out al qaeda wants to launch attacks on the West
Gregory: oh my
Gregory: where will KSM be tried?
Brennan: I don’t know but we’re actually bring
him to justice unlike Bush
Gregory: will he be executed?
Brennan: I’m not going to let al qaeda or the GOP rob us of our shining system of justice!
Gregory: but Holder promised to succeed - that’s not justice
Brennan: you’re a true idiot
Gregory: is China going to take away my
Twitter feed?
Brennan: indeed we have information they may target Facebook
Gregory: oh my well good luck to you sir
[ break ]
Gregory: is the economy finally turning around?
Paulson: yes but only if the government doesn’t regulate Wall Street
Greenspan: what we need is to do is cut taxes
Gregory: that is so wise - why should a business start hiring with all these heavy taxes!?
Paulson: shockingly I agree - I also think we should cut taxes
Gregory: wow you must both be right
Paulson: just as soon as CEOs have more money they will hire people to polish their yachts
Gregory: when is the recession over?
Greenspan: the recession is over
Gregory: how can you tell?
Greenspan: Matlock said so!
Gregory: but the stock market is down since January and it’s February!
Greenspan: Wheel of Fortune!
Paulson: don’t worry Fluffy we’ll all get rich soon enough
Gregory: Hank please bash Barack Obama for me
Paulson: I won’t - thank god Obama and Tim continued Bush’s great policies
Gregory: so did you vote for Obama?
Paulson: I won’t answer that - but let’s just say I didn’t vote for the guy who watched Matlock
every night
Greenspan: Matlock!!!
Gregory: Dr. Greenspan tell me the truth - are
you actually a Ferengi?
Greenspan: I live by the Seven Rules of Acquisition!
Gregory: people are underwater in their mortgages
Paulson: yes people’s inability to pay is a problem
Gregory: no in New Orleans they are actually under water
Paulson: no one predicted that housing prices don’t always rise for no reason
Gregory: I see
Paulson: and when that isn’t true people stop giving a shit
Greenspan: the best approach is to trade home value for credits on Deep Space Nine
Gregory: OMG the deficit!!!!
Paulson: this is an incredibly serious issue I just realized when a Democrat became President
Clinton: oh no - just an agreement allowing the US temporary control of the area
Gregory: of course
Paulson: I have learned that it is very difficult to get Congress to cut Social Security and Medicare when people like it
Gregory: Alan how can we save America??
Greenspan: once we’ve hocked everything to the Chinese to fight all our wars we will have to sell them North Dakota
Gregory: OMG Obama is going to raise taxes on
the rich!!!
Paulson: sure it’s bad but what we really need to do is raise taxes on the poor
Greenspan: it is so sad that we have gotten to a point in this country where we cannot discuss eliminating the most successful social program in the history of this nation
Gregory: Hank are bonuses on Wall Street too high?
Paulson: sure I can see how people might think that but the real point is to put off any real reform while they pocket another trillion or so
Gregory: oh how droll you are sires
Paulson: you mean sirs
Gregory: um yeah
[ break ]
Gregory: OMG I just love Sarah Palin!!
Gilllespie: she rocks Fluffer
Gregory: does she rule the GOP?
Myers: she went out of her way to say crazy people hate the GOP as well as Democrats
Gillespie: they’re not Democrats or Republicans they’re anti-spending lunatics
Gregory: what is their plan for the debt besides waving pictures of Obama as witch doctor?
Myers: Bill Clinton created a surplus
Gillespie: no no no we had 9/11 and a recession and other fuck ups so the debt wasn’t Bush’s fault
Gregory: Ed please bash Bush then I will talk and Dee Dee will not get to speak at all
Gillespie: that sounds good to me
Myers: [ silence ]
Gregory: Bayh says why should anyone trust
the Democratic party??!!?
Myers: right it’s so sad the Dems can’t govern
Gregory: Ed is the Democratic majority in jeopardy??
Myers: I will take Bullshit Spin for $1,000 David
Gregory: but people hate the GOP as well
Gillespie: that’s true but we will lie our asses off in the meantime which often leads to GOP gains at election time
Gregory: good luck with that Ed
************************************
John Brennan
Ed Gillespie
Dee Myers
**********************
Gregory: how does Obama define winning
the war against an abstract method of killing
Brennan: cracking foreign skulls
Gregory: OMG all those intelligence guys say
we’re going to be attacked!!!!
Brennan: al qaeda is currently recruiting more teenagers and exploring new methods of planting explosives in underpants
Gregory: they are so fiendishly cunning
Brennan: true but we working on developing new technologies on thwarting attacks with Fruit of the Loom, Hanes, Jockey and Victoria’s Secret
Gregory: will terrorists target the SuperBowl??
Brennan: now that Brett Favre is not in it what’s
the point?
Gregory: true
Brennan: we are working with panty sniffers
across the world
Gregory: will they target my shopping mall?
Brennan: if they are smart they will
Gregory: President Brown says we should torture the guy with the funny name
Brennan: I heard you were a moron Fluffy
Gregory: why was he treated as an American citizen
Brennan: he wasn’t you dancing fool
Gregory: but he’s so scary!
Brennan: we did what Bush did for every terrorist
Gregory: but Republicans are tough and you
are a non-torturing wimp
Brennan: you know I’m tired of ignorant liars like Brown
Gregory: that reminds me - by defending yourselves from Republicans lies you endangered national security!!
Brennan: [ palmface ]
jesus christ
Gregory: but you didn’t share information about
how you intended to torture this kid
Brennan: Calm down Fluffy
Gregory: did the GOP sign-off on the decision not squeeze his balls?
Brennan: who knows what the fuck GOP Congressmen think about anything - they’re all fucking liars and idiots
Gregory: so if he is talking what are you learning about al qaeda?
Brennan: it turns out al qaeda wants to launch attacks on the West
Gregory: oh my
Gregory: where will KSM be tried?
Brennan: I don’t know but we’re actually bring
him to justice unlike Bush
Gregory: will he be executed?
Brennan: I’m not going to let al qaeda or the GOP rob us of our shining system of justice!
Gregory: but Holder promised to succeed - that’s not justice
Brennan: you’re a true idiot
Gregory: is China going to take away my
Twitter feed?
Brennan: indeed we have information they may target Facebook
Gregory: oh my well good luck to you sir
[ break ]
Gregory: is the economy finally turning around?
Paulson: yes but only if the government doesn’t regulate Wall Street
Greenspan: what we need is to do is cut taxes
Gregory: that is so wise - why should a business start hiring with all these heavy taxes!?
Paulson: shockingly I agree - I also think we should cut taxes
Gregory: wow you must both be right
Paulson: just as soon as CEOs have more money they will hire people to polish their yachts
Gregory: when is the recession over?
Greenspan: the recession is over
Gregory: how can you tell?
Greenspan: Matlock said so!
Gregory: but the stock market is down since January and it’s February!
Greenspan: Wheel of Fortune!
Paulson: don’t worry Fluffy we’ll all get rich soon enough
Gregory: Hank please bash Barack Obama for me
Paulson: I won’t - thank god Obama and Tim continued Bush’s great policies
Gregory: so did you vote for Obama?
Paulson: I won’t answer that - but let’s just say I didn’t vote for the guy who watched Matlock
every night
Greenspan: Matlock!!!
Gregory: Dr. Greenspan tell me the truth - are
you actually a Ferengi?
Greenspan: I live by the Seven Rules of Acquisition!
Gregory: people are underwater in their mortgages
Paulson: yes people’s inability to pay is a problem
Gregory: no in New Orleans they are actually under water
Paulson: no one predicted that housing prices don’t always rise for no reason
Gregory: I see
Paulson: and when that isn’t true people stop giving a shit
Greenspan: the best approach is to trade home value for credits on Deep Space Nine
Gregory: OMG the deficit!!!!
Paulson: this is an incredibly serious issue I just realized when a Democrat became President
Clinton: oh no - just an agreement allowing the US temporary control of the area
Gregory: of course
Paulson: I have learned that it is very difficult to get Congress to cut Social Security and Medicare when people like it
Gregory: Alan how can we save America??
Greenspan: once we’ve hocked everything to the Chinese to fight all our wars we will have to sell them North Dakota
Gregory: OMG Obama is going to raise taxes on
the rich!!!
Paulson: sure it’s bad but what we really need to do is raise taxes on the poor
Greenspan: it is so sad that we have gotten to a point in this country where we cannot discuss eliminating the most successful social program in the history of this nation
Gregory: Hank are bonuses on Wall Street too high?
Paulson: sure I can see how people might think that but the real point is to put off any real reform while they pocket another trillion or so
Gregory: oh how droll you are sires
Paulson: you mean sirs
Gregory: um yeah
[ break ]
Gregory: OMG I just love Sarah Palin!!
Gilllespie: she rocks Fluffer
Gregory: does she rule the GOP?
Myers: she went out of her way to say crazy people hate the GOP as well as Democrats
Gillespie: they’re not Democrats or Republicans they’re anti-spending lunatics
Gregory: what is their plan for the debt besides waving pictures of Obama as witch doctor?
Myers: Bill Clinton created a surplus
Gillespie: no no no we had 9/11 and a recession and other fuck ups so the debt wasn’t Bush’s fault
Gregory: Ed please bash Bush then I will talk and Dee Dee will not get to speak at all
Gillespie: that sounds good to me
Myers: [ silence ]
Gregory: Bayh says why should anyone trust
the Democratic party??!!?
Myers: right it’s so sad the Dems can’t govern
Gregory: Ed is the Democratic majority in jeopardy??
Myers: I will take Bullshit Spin for $1,000 David
Gregory: but people hate the GOP as well
Gillespie: that’s true but we will lie our asses off in the meantime which often leads to GOP gains at election time
Gregory: good luck with that Ed
************************************
This Week with Jake Tapper - February 7, 2010
February 7, 2010
Host:
Jake Tapper
Guests:
Tim Geithner - Sec. Of the Treasury
******************
Tapper: Good morning - unemployment is still really high and even more jobs were lost in the Bush recession than we thought - which is good news
for the Republicans
Geithner: hey when we got here we were losing 750,000 jobs and now we’re also losing jobs
but not as many
Tapper: are we going to double dip?
Geithner: no - that’s like putting your whole mouth
in the bowl!!
Tapper: are you doing enough?
Geithner: we’re doing enough - but Congress is not
Tapper: oh well that’s ok then
Tapper: President Brown says the stimulus
didn’t create any jobs
Geithner: hey I just read a cool article in Cosmo -
"10 Ways to Stimulate Your Man’s Economy"
Tapper: tell me about your failures
Geithner: we’ve made dramatic progress from a shitty economy to a sucky one
Tapper: but isn’t the real problem is that Americans don’t make anything useful and don’t have any money
Geithner: I have $10 in my pocket
Tapper: Mad Eye Moody says the debt is too high
Geithner: hey I’m a real financial wizard
Tapper: are triple AAA bonds the best investment
in America?
Geithner: I don’t trust the auto club
Tapper: you’re not serious about cutting the debt
are you?
Geither: for god’s sake Obama promised a fake spending freeze
Tapper: oh pshaw anyone can do that
Geithner: deficits matter and we have to raise
taxes and cut spending
Tapper: sure-fire election winner genius
Geithner: I iz smart
Tapper: You and I know we have to cut Medicare and Medicaid
Geithner: I am giving you a serious look
Tapper: I also giving you my serious look
Geithner: I also - look at my serious face
Tapper: speaking of right wing talking points -
will you promise to never raise taxes?
Geithner: I iz deeply serious
Tapper: People hate government - is this mostly your fault?
Geithner: no
Tapper: but you have so many fuck-ups
Geithner: but I have serious face
Tapper: that’s true but so do I
Tapper: Obama’s HAMP program sucks
Geithner: true but I supported it when I thought it was a universal HEMP program
Tapper: you toke dude?
Geithner: dude I get baked every night
Tapper: that explains a lot actually
Tapper: you don’t even want to regulate banks -
why not?
Geithner: dude I don’t intend on working in government forever
Tapper: and they won’t be able to compete with other global criminals!
Geithner: Jake you are wise
Tapper: you have suffered so much it’s like a banking ‘Hurt Locker’
Geithner: the economy came to a sudden stop -
it was like driving a Pinto made by Toyota
Tapper: but personally Timmy it must have driven you crazy
Geithner: indeed it I did Jakester
Tapper: Timmy - call me
***********************
Host:
Jake Tapper
Guests:
Tim Geithner - Sec. Of the Treasury
******************
Tapper: Good morning - unemployment is still really high and even more jobs were lost in the Bush recession than we thought - which is good news
for the Republicans
Geithner: hey when we got here we were losing 750,000 jobs and now we’re also losing jobs
but not as many
Tapper: are we going to double dip?
Geithner: no - that’s like putting your whole mouth
in the bowl!!
Tapper: are you doing enough?
Geithner: we’re doing enough - but Congress is not
Tapper: oh well that’s ok then
Tapper: President Brown says the stimulus
didn’t create any jobs
Geithner: hey I just read a cool article in Cosmo -
"10 Ways to Stimulate Your Man’s Economy"
Tapper: tell me about your failures
Geithner: we’ve made dramatic progress from a shitty economy to a sucky one
Tapper: but isn’t the real problem is that Americans don’t make anything useful and don’t have any money
Geithner: I have $10 in my pocket
Tapper: Mad Eye Moody says the debt is too high
Geithner: hey I’m a real financial wizard
Tapper: are triple AAA bonds the best investment
in America?
Geithner: I don’t trust the auto club
Tapper: you’re not serious about cutting the debt
are you?
Geither: for god’s sake Obama promised a fake spending freeze
Tapper: oh pshaw anyone can do that
Geithner: deficits matter and we have to raise
taxes and cut spending
Tapper: sure-fire election winner genius
Geithner: I iz smart
Tapper: You and I know we have to cut Medicare and Medicaid
Geithner: I am giving you a serious look
Tapper: I also giving you my serious look
Geithner: I also - look at my serious face
Tapper: speaking of right wing talking points -
will you promise to never raise taxes?
Geithner: I iz deeply serious
Tapper: People hate government - is this mostly your fault?
Geithner: no
Tapper: but you have so many fuck-ups
Geithner: but I have serious face
Tapper: that’s true but so do I
Tapper: Obama’s HAMP program sucks
Geithner: true but I supported it when I thought it was a universal HEMP program
Tapper: you toke dude?
Geithner: dude I get baked every night
Tapper: that explains a lot actually
Tapper: you don’t even want to regulate banks -
why not?
Geithner: dude I don’t intend on working in government forever
Tapper: and they won’t be able to compete with other global criminals!
Geithner: Jake you are wise
Tapper: you have suffered so much it’s like a banking ‘Hurt Locker’
Geithner: the economy came to a sudden stop -
it was like driving a Pinto made by Toyota
Tapper: but personally Timmy it must have driven you crazy
Geithner: indeed it I did Jakester
Tapper: Timmy - call me
***********************
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