Sunday, March 28, 2010

This Week with Jarrett, Rendell, Barbour - March 28, 2010

Jake Tapper
Valerie Jarrett - White House Advisor
Gov. Ed Rendell (D-PA)
Gov. Haley Barbour (R-MS)

Tapper: Hi Valerie is it true that Iran is about to violate international law by building nuclear bombs which we have thousands of?

Jarrett: yes and we’re going to kick Iranian ass!

Tapper: but don’t you convey weakness?

Jarrett: hell no Jack!

Tapper: when we will spank Iran?

Jarrett: next week - Obama’s rolling!

Tapper: speaking of that - Obama had a big success this week - how do you respond to the charge
that Obama is a big failure for enacting this unpopular bill?

Jarrett: when people see all the kittens and puppies in this law they will change their tune Jake

Tapper: AT&T says they will lose one billion dollars so then they can’t hire more customer service people to ignore you

Jarrett: Those big corporations are getting massive subsidies and deducting them from their taxes and we’re changing that - no wonder they’re whining
and crying

Tapper: the CBO says this is a good law but let’s assume it’s a total failure - is Obama willing to apologize to the American people for this
horrible law?

Jarrett: um, what?

Tapper: Teabaggers are attacking people using threats and violence - isn’t it inappropriate for Democrats to point that out?

Jarrett: no it’s not

Tapper: but it’s so uncivil and inappropriate!

Jarrett: you like that word don’t you

Tapper: I’m very appropriate at all times

Jarrett: yes I see

Tapper: is there a strong bond of love with
Obama and Bibi?

Jarrett: oh sure

Tapper: really cause I heard they hate each
other’s guts

Jarrett: yes but in a loving friendly way

[ break ]

Tapper: Gov. Barbour you say making people buy health insurance is unconstitutional but law-takers says that’s ignorant and pathetic grandstanding

Barbour: suddenly I’m very concerned about far-reaching powers of the federal government
- like what if every American had to buy a gun

NRA: hey that’s a damm good idea dammit

Rendell: the legal argument is stupid - they only reason the mandate is there is because we kept
the insurance system in intact

Tapper: if we give people health care won’t we
run out of doctors?

Rendell: No we have millions of doctors out
there doing nothing

Tapper: Oh?

Rendell: See we have a lot of unemployed PhDs in America - we just empower them to treat people and problem solved

Tapper: Do we really want people who wrote a thesis on medieval iconography in Jane Austen diaries performing surgery?

Rendell: don’t be silly - only art history majors will
be cutting into people

Gregory: Haley Barbour Mississippi is a fat unhealthy mess of a state - why would you sue to stop health care?

Barbour: That is all true but the problem is not a lack of insurance - it’s that most people here eat deep-fried lard in cream sauce

Tapper: that sounds tasty

Barbour: we were just about to pass real health care reform when that damm Obama came along!

Tapper: Ed everyone hates you - aren’t Democrats doomed?

Rendell: No people are going to like this bill and we’re not as fucked as people think we are - maybe

Tapper: Barbour it looks like the GOP blew it and people make like this law after all

Barbour: The Big Corporations are going to lose money - it’s so so so sad

Tapper: ok

Barbour: Candidly the liberal media is giving
oral sex to Obama

Rendell: no offense to you Jake but the media has been pounding Obama in the ass

Tapper: Isn’t David Paterson ruining the Democratic party nationwide?

Rendell: well he is a weasel but the Lt. Governor wasn’t elected

Tapper: Paterson wasn’t either

Rendell: yes he was idiot

Barbour: you can’t trust the CBO demmit

Tapper: ok ok


Sandy Underpants said...

thanks for laughs

Anonymous said...

This is the only way to "watch" the atrocities!

res ipsa loquitur said...

Serious question: is Tapper the stupidest person who gets into the gaggle?

- said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Culture of Tr√úth said...


He could be, or he could just be playing dumb for tv.

Anonymous said...

"Gregory: Haley Barbour Mississippi is a fat unhealthy mess of a state - why would you sue to stop health care?

I think this should have been Tapper:

But maybe it would be easier to replace both of them with robots.