Sunday, March 07, 2010

Meet The Press with Sec. Sebelius - March 7, 2010

March 7, 2010
Kathleen Sebelius (Sec. Of HHS)
Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-UT)
Harold Ford
E.J. Dionne
Rich Lowry

Gregory: Kathy I hate health care reform and
I’m willing to lie to defeat it

Sebelius : we all know that

Gregory: it is a fact that Americans don’t like Obama’s health reforms

Sebelius : it’s fact that you’re a fucking liar

Gregory: [ fluffs hair ]

Sebelius : did you know that people are suffering and Fluffy if people are so goddamm happy with their health insurance do you think they are happy with 40% increases in premiums?

Gregory: I saw a guy on the street who told me
that Obama will fail

Sebelius : I really don’t give a shit about your so-called facts Dancin Dave

Gregory: it’s a really important point whether if this isn’t enacted by Easter Obama will just let it go

Sebelius : good god you are infathomably shallow

Gregory: Easter - yes or no?!?

Sebelius : I officially have total contempt for you

Gregory: Is Obama’s agenda at stake??!

Sebelius : no dimwit - what’s at peril is
America’s health

Gregory: what mistakes has Obama made?

Sebelius : he underestimated your stupidity?

Gregory: anything else

Sebelius : well we need to sell the evil of
insurance companies better

Gregory: you didn’t communicate to the people

Sebelius : right - we spend months assuring the public we weren’t actually going to kill old people

Gregory: Obama wants to control costs but I talked to anonymous Republicans and Warren Buffet
said it doesn’t do that!

Sebelius : calm down Fluffy

Gregory: but why not just do what the GOP wants?

Sebelius : yeah RomneyCare worked great

Gregory: Big Shoulders are covered

Sebelius : idiot

Gregory: you don’t deal with tort reform!

Sebelius : that’s a lie Greggers

Gregory: but not malpractice reform!

Sebelius : that’s another lie

Gregory: but you can’t possibly disagree with
Saint Warren of the Buffet

Sebelius : brace yourself Fluffy - I do disagree
with the richest man in America on the need for guaranteed health care

Gregory: [ falls on fainting couch ]

Sebelius : I heard you were a moron

Gregory: but the Mayo Clinic says this will probably work but where are the guarantees??

Sebelius : look stupid we know prevention and technology reduce costs

Gregory: will a future Congress really raise taxes?

Sebelius : sure why not

Gregory: Stupak wants to ban health care for wimmins health

Sebelius : we’re not going to pay for abortions I promise!!

Gregory: how do you get President Stupak’s vote?

Sebelius : persuade him by putting a pony head
in his bed

Gregory: really??

Sebelius : no Bart’s just misinformed

Gregory: so you maintain he’s just an idiot

Sebelius : yes - you’d like him

[ break ]

Gregory: so right wingers - what will happen
with ObamaCare?

Hatch: the Founding Fathers wanted one Senator to stop all action therefore Obama is a fascist

EJ Dionne: Dems must pass this because they have to show they can get shit done and also it’s necessary for the future of America

Gregory: President Obama how do you get
the votes?

Ford: I’m Harold Ford

Gregory: what?!?!

Ford: I was just walking around outside and
your producer grabbed me

Gregory: oh well close enough

Ford: we need to win over Republicans!

Gregory: we know all we need to know - the American people hate this bill

Lowry: the Democrats will be destroyed if this
bill passes!!

Gregory: so so so true

Lowry: Tom Daschle said we should be like Australia

Hatch: to pass a bill with a majority vote is Nazisocialisfascicomminsim!!!

Gregory: please elaborate

Hatch: reconciliation has never been used to pass this bill before

Gregory: oh noe!

Hatch: it’s sweeping and therefore terrible!!

Gregory: that’s shocking!!

Hatch: it’s 2,700 pages [ sobs ]

Dionne: Orrin I can’t tell if you are lying or are completely insane

Gregory: elaborate?

Hatch: Bush always ignored polls and used reconciliation to pass tax cuts!

Hatch: Katie Bar the Door!!!

Dionne: good god

Lowry: Jesus Orrin shut the fuck up

Ford: Nobody fucking cares about the
goddam process

Gregory: but Warren Buffet says Obama doesn’t cuts cost!

Hatch: Obama didn’t invite me to his birthday party!!!
[ starts sobbing ]

Gregory: it’s a such a cruel twist than a right-wing idiot from Tennessee can’t run for the Senate from New York without being mocked

Ford: I’ve been in New York for 60 days and I can assure you that we need to cut taxes

Gregory: fascinating

Gregory: who threatened you Harold?

Ford: I keep getting questioned about gays and stuff when in New York what people really care about is electing a bland corporate shill from Tennessee

Gregory: so why not run?

Ford: it turns out I would criticized and that’s unacceptable

Gregory: should Gov. Paterson step down?

Ford: hell yes - let me be Governor!

Gregory: Rich Lowry what does it mean for Democrats that I hate them?

Lowry: it’s so sad that everyone hates Democrats

Gregory: Orrin Hatch I noticed your party is full
of racists

Hatch: no there are good blacks like Harold Ford here

Ford: yay me!

Dionne: when Ford runs for Senate from Tennessee he can use that endorsement!

Ford: wow good idea E.J.

Gregory: E.J. are the Democrats doomed?

Dionne: the bill will be fucking popular Fluffy

Gregory: hey Orrin there’s violence all over Iraq

Hatch: see this proves invading Iraq was a great idea because there’s a chance this country can survive the Bush reign of terror

Gregory: so you think Iraq can survive?

Hatch: I was talking about the U.S.



ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Gregory: how do you get President Stupak’s vote?

Sebelius : persuade him by putting a pony head in his bed

If only they would. House members don't have that much power, this guy would get stomped if he was a Republican.

nffcnnr said...

Ha ha chuckle [snort]. Thanks for the laughs on this dreary morning. :o]

merlallen said...

They really need to invite John Stewart on. Maybe he can kill this show, too.

Benesar said...

Amazing! I grew up in the 60's and it's the same old rhetoric from the Left.....Let's see, "Jobs, Peace, Justice," "Poverty, Ignorance, Disease" -- "Help us shut down the government" Why do you Socialists, Progressives, Liberals, Communists or whatever you call yourselves these days, hate America.....Why are corporations so evil....You can't even name one Socialist success in any country that resulted in the advancement of individual rights, liberties, or prosperity....Yet, you attack the last place in the world where people escape to when Socialist ideology crushes them. You are either stupid or evil....and yet you hide behind high-minded arrogance to deflect any addressing of the issues in a thoughtful manner. I think George bush is an elitist just like Obama so please don't paint me as a right-wing extremist Republican. The mid-term elections are coming and the carnage that will be wrought on the Democrats will be of Biblical proportions and they have done it to themselves because people finally have had a look at what is their core---and they hate it. This is one time that they cannot hide behind the requisite lies that are designed to deceive the average hard-working American. Not this time.....The Crown-Jewel of America would be that you Leftists would go to a country that already loves your way of political slavery and subjugation. This would allow us to return to the business of being Americans which you do not share.


Anonymous said...

I grew up in the '60s too and my parents grew up in the Depression and all of us benefited and benefit every single day of our lives from Socialist programs such as Social Security and Medicare. People who have managed to keep their wits about them understand this. Some others just listen to the drivel-spew of right-wing radio or the latest Ron Paul plutocracy sermon and call it a day. See you at the polling booth, Benny.

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