Guests:
Christina Romer (Director White House Council of Economic Advisors)
Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-CT)
Rep. Jane Harman (D-CA)
David Remnick
Richard Stengel
*****************
Gregory: wow - America actually had job growth
for the first time since Stupid left office
Romer: not too shabby Fluffy
Gregory: why is unemployment so high?
Romer: because this is the worst
recession in history
Gregory: Bush was that bad huh?
Romer: yes he really was
Gregory: even Democratic Congresspeople
says you’re out of touch
Romer: oh bull - we’ve passed stimulus, cash for cars, tax credits for hiring, home buyer tax credits, no capital gains tax, a tax cut for news versions of “CSI”-
Gregory: some say that stimulus was good
but not good enough
Romer: wow that’s bold
Gregory: people like things that are good
Romer: um yeah
Gregory: some say Obama is anti-business
Romer: I heard you were a moron
Gregory: why should anyone build a factory?!
Romer: gee I don’t know - maybe to build shit
people want?
Gregory: but I heard an anecdote that
Obama’s health plan sucks!
Romer: Calm down Fluffy
Gregory: there are lines around the block to
buy the iPad!
Romer: thank god for steve jobs
Gregory: can we have a recovery fueled by
mindless spending on useless shit?
Romer: if so we might as well send all
our cash to China now
Greogry: shockingly the GOP doesn’t support regulating Wall Street
Romer: stunning indeed
Gregory: is China manipulating their currency?
Romer: maybe
Gregory: yes or no?!?!
Romer: you’re a true idiot
Gregory: should Dems campaign on turning the economy around?
Romer: absolutely - who wouldn’t want to take
credit for 10% unemployment?!
[ break ]
Gregory: OMG the terrorists are attacking in Iraq!
Lieberman: that’s a sign that we’re winning
Gregory: oh?
Lieberman: indeed - but also a sign we should never leave and also that Iran is swarthy and dangerous
Harman: I agree with Joe except it also means we should never leave Afghanistan
Gregory: we have new airport security rules to look for and I quote ‘scary people’
Chertoff: that’s right - but will the Dutch also screen for swarthyness?
Harman: it turns out banning all fliers from 25 nations was kind of stupid
Gregory: oh?
Harman: Jihad Jane - ha!
Gregory: New Yorkers must have their bags inspected because of Chechnya
Lieberman: oh yeah it’s all trains nowadays
- they’re the biggest targets by far
Gregory: that’s frightening
Lieberman: it’s absolutely terrifying Fluffy
Gregory: should we give accused terrorists a
fair trial or a kangaroo court?
Chertoff: if you catch someone in a battlefield then
a fair trial is too difficult
Harman: bullshit - the death eater is wrong
Lieberman: fuck the rule of law - we need the
Rule of War!
Gregory: is that a video game?
Lieberman: yeah it’s awesome
Gregory: the Hutaree are part of greater increase in utter lunatics since Obama divided our nation by becoming President
Lieberman: yes both parties are too blame - we need centrist bipartisanship - but the real threat is that we will pay attention to this and ignore swarthy terrorists
Gregory: that is disturbing
Harman: Hey Joe guess what - these are terrorists with IEDs and everything
Lieberman: they can’t be real terrorists
- they don’t have dark mustaches
Chertoff: the militia nuts are just like animal
rights terrorists
Gregory: oh of course
Chertoff: hey America succumbed to terrorism
in 2001 so why no adopt those tactics
Gregory: what about Iran?
Lieberman: there has never been an expansionist dangerous country with nuclear weapons in history!
Gregory: what about the USSR?
Lieberman: fuck that shit - we have to go
to war!!!
Harman: the real test is what the UN will do - will they pull the trigger or will those fuckers cave again!?!?
Gregory: you seem upset - do you want to go
to war with Iran too?
Harman: no
Gregory: ok
Harman: I want to go to war with Yemen!!!
Gregory: oh my
[ break ]
Gregory: guys Obama is winning but he’s still unpopular
Remnick: well unemployment is still high
- so not too bad
Stengel: 2 weeks ago he was the worst president ever - now he’s the next FDR
Gregory: What kind of President is he?
Remnick: he’s a centrist and conciliator - but he’s going to have to get tough on Iran and the global warming deniers
Stengel: Obama took his eye on the ball which
is the economy
Gregory: that’s genius Ricky
Stengel: not that he can really create jobs anyway
Gregory: he’s too robotic and unfeeling isn’t he?
Remnick: don’t be silly Fluffy - he’s President and a
policymaker not your mother
Gregory: but he gives a me a sad
Remnick: jeebus he just had a huge win Greggers
Gregory: he even reached out to the teabaggers!
Stengel: the teabaggers basically speak for all America when they are disenchanted with government and believe Obama is a New
Guinean witch doctor
Gregory: David is Obama black or white?
Remnick: neither - he’s a Vulcan
Gregory: I see
Remnick: he wants to President of the whole country - even the crazy people
Gregory: lucky for him that’s a majority
Gregory: he always wanted to be a transformational figure
Stengel: he wants to part of a transformation of America where we judge people not by the color of your skin but how smart you are
Gregory: no wonder the teabaggers are so mad
Stengel: Mandela spent his first year not calming blacks down but trying to reassure white people
Gregory: wow he is like Barack
Stengel: Mandela is now freakishly serene and calm - almost as much Obama
Remnick: he sits in meetings and absorbs information and processes it
Gregory: so is he a Vulcan or an android?
Stengel: to succeed he needs to be a more touchy-feely leader
Gregory: they should install an emotion chip
Stengel: indeed although that could be dangerous
Gregory: Obama 2.0!
***********************
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment