Sunday, February 28, 2010

ABC’s This Week

ABC’s This Week
February 28, 2010
Elizabeth Vargas
Nancy Pelosi: D-Speaker of the House
Sen. Lamar Alexander: R-TN

Vargas: Nancy can you pass health care reform

Pelosi: judging by the summit meeting I would
have to say ‘are you fucking kidding’

Vargas: is that a yes?

Pelosi: well do we want to get a bill passed or get real reform - like close the donut hole

Vargas: ok

Pelosi: wait there’s no more - we have to remove
the Nebraska exception

Vargas: All of the American people hate health care reform

Pelosi: that’s stupid

Vargas: politicians are afriad that no one wants health care

Pelosi: the men in this body need to suck it up,
grow a pair of ovaries and pass real reform

Vargas: Obama dropped the public option

Pelosi: well somehow we need to rein in the evil insurance companies

Vargas: but Obama is to blame for not posting a bill on the Internet

Pelosi: hey Liz if Ted Kennedy hadn’t died would have reform enacted by now

Vargas: oh?

Pelosi: well it would also help if the GOP weren’t
total assholes

Vargas: that goes without saying

Pelosi: people are suffering and can’t wait any longer

Vargas: can House Dems support Senate restrictions on abortion?

Pelosi: we’re going to have to or else turn our backs on insuranceless Americans

Vargas: the Black Caucus says the $15 billion jobs bill, and I quote, “is fucking bullshit”

Pelosi: they’re right

Vargas: so what do you do

Pelosi: the health care reform bill will create 4 million jobs immediately

Vargas: how can Charles Rangel possibly stay in power if he violated ethics rules?

Pelosi: if we kicked everyone out who was unethical Washington DC would look like Atlantic City in January

Vargas: actually AC is crowded in the winter with criminals, gambling addicts and assorted degenerates

Pelosi: see what I mean

Vargas: you called the tea party movement a fake movement

Pelosi: no I called them Astroturf - but I love
indoor grass

Vargas: you have common ground with the loony tea partiers??

Pelosi: well let’s see them prove they are genuine by voting with us against corporations

Vargas: give yourself a grade

Pelosi: I give me an A for effort

Vargas: but you can’t pass any laws

Pelosi: Republicans require 60 votes just to approve the morning prayer so the Senate runs out of time
to get shit done

Vargas: what grade would give the Senate

Pelosi: uh what’s below F?? Z? Omega?

[ break ]

Vargas: Lamar will you ever cooperate with Obama?

Alexander: yes if he discards all his ideas and adopts all GOP ideas

Vargas: what’s your problem with the bill?

Alexander: it hurts Medicare

Vargas: are you serious?

Alexander: also he’s unacceptably jamming it through after a year of debate with a majority vote

Vargas: but the GOP uses reconciliation all the time

Alexander: yes but it has never been used for ‘Democratic’ laws - that’s the big difference

Vargas: I don’t understand

Alexander: it would be the end of the US Senate to impose majority rule on the American people

Vargas: it seems like people want some health care reform

Alexander: sure it’s a good idea but there’s a sense among lunatics that taxpayers are the jews for Obama’s ovens

Vargas: so if the Democrats lose all their seats what do you care?

Alexander: well then we’d have to repeal it and that would take too much time from stopping underwear bombers

Vargas: you say America can no longer do
big things

Alexander: yes

Vargas: that’s not good

Alexander: Obama can learn from George W. Bush and his restrained ways

Vargas: Pfffftt!!! [ spit take ]

Alexander: we do better as a nation when we do
little or nothing

Vargas: what an inspiring thought

Alexander: a 2,700 page bill written near a holiday after the sun sets is inevitably fascist

Vargas: you have a fascinating world view

Alexander: we have a country too complex to do big things

Vargas: if a Republican votes with Dems they get called ‘Judas’

Alexander: yes but in the tea party that’s a compliment

Vargas: really?

Alexander: like Joe McCarthy or Ayn Rand he was
a greatly misunderstood hero

Vargas: oh my

Alexander: it’s all in the new ConservaBible -
look it up

by Culture of Truth

1 comment:

shilohsmama said...

Again, priceless.
Thank you for what you do!