January 24, 2010
Host:
Terry Moran
Guests:
David Axelrod - White House Advisor
Sen. Bob Menendez (D-NJ)
Sen. Jim DeMint (R-SC)
***********************
Moran: OMG the Democrats lost control of the Senate because they only have 59 seats out of 100!!
Axelrod: George Stephanpolous you look different
Moran: I’m Terry Moran
Axelrod: there’s no need to call me names
Moran: the media says that Obama can’t connect with ordinary white people
Axelrod: Terry did you know that Clinton left a surplus and Bush left a trillion dollar deficit and
a wrecked economy?
Moran: No!
Axelrod: it’s true
Moran: what have learned from your fucked-up
first year?
Axelrod: look no one wanted to make unpopular choices to fix George Bush’s mistakes
Moran: but you did it anyway
Axelrod: look we needed real health care reform
Moran: what you do if you got a do-over?
Axelrod: well-
Moran: you don’t a do-over buddy!
Axelrod: you’re a strange one
Moran: you were caught off guard in that mysterious land called Massachusetts
Axelrod: oh we all were caught off by that one
Moran: you’re bringing back Pluffy
Axelrod: he’s enormously talented at electing good looking inspirational black men
Moran: is health care reform dead?
Axelrod: it’s on life support
Moran: that doesn’t sound good
Axelrod: let me put it this way - health care reform can still follow a balloon with its eyes
Moran: excellent news
Axelrod: indeed it is
Moran: what about this idea of slipping the House bill under the Senate door and labeling it “Publisher’s Clearing House - You May Already
Be a Winner!”?
Axelrod: good idea - but Obama won’t walk away from people who need help
Moran: what exactly is in the bill?
Axelrod: no one will know until we enact it
Moran: how odd
Moran: have you rebooted Robot Obama and reprogrammed him to be a Populist
Axelrod: yes we have - also we installed an
emotion chip
Moran: oh my
[break]
Moran: Bob your job is to get Democrats elected to Senate and your first action was to lose the seat Ted Kennedy held for 40 fucking years
Menendez: true but I’m on steep learning curve
Moran: seems like it
Menendez: small businesses blah mortgages blah services blah jobs economics blah tax relief blah middle class blah blah
Moran: Minty you said about Obama “I must break you!”
DeMint: we’re seeing a sudden American awakening of people alarmed that a black man has the power
to spend and build up debt
Moran: I noticed that
DeMint: incredibly Obama opposed tort reform so
we can’t take him seriously
Moran: I couldn’t help notice that Scott Brown didn’t call himself a Republican
DeMint: we’ve got to earn the trust of the American people by
saying Obama took power three years ago
Moran: anything else
DeMint: also waving posters of Obama as a witch doctor in Auschwitz
Menendez: hey stupid - George Bush blew a surplus and handed Obama a Depression
Moran: yeah but Obama wasted all his time on a health care plan ABC news doesn’t like
Menendez: he prevented a Great Depression!
Moran: I see your mouth moving but all I hear is you’re not bipartisan
DeMint: look I’ve never heard of this ‘George Bush’ you’re talking about but the American people are very angry at this black man is steamrolling them will all this spending and debt
Menendez: that Bush created
DeMint: who is this ‘Bush’ person you keep
referring to?
Moran: hey John Roberts says that money is speech and corporations are people!
Menendez: it’s an outrage and by the time
we’re done corporations will probably amend
the Constitution to take away rights for
mere human beings
DeMint: the teabaggers are populist so of course we need to protect businesses from evil labor unions
Moran: even foreign corporations?
DeMint: well let’s not worry about that, the point is -- wait I have to take this call from Exxon
Moran: thank for coming Senator
Exxon: thank you Terry
Moran: I was talking to DeMint
Exxon: who?
********************
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Meet The Press - January 17, 2010
Guests:
Rajiv Shah - US AID
Lt. General Keen
Bill Clinton
George W. Bush
Bob Woodward
Karen Hughes
John Podesta
Mark Halperin
**********************
Gregory: Doctor Shah - what’s going on in Haiti?
Shah: well the roads, ports and airport have all
been destroyed
Gregory: how many people have died?
Shah: hey Gregger we’re hoping to still
rescue people
Gregory: really - why not just play air guitar
and eat birthday cakes?
Shah: we’re not fucking around dude!
Gregory: hey General how’s it going?
General: we taking care of business buddy
Gregory: what about the looters!?
General: the UN mission is taking care of it
Gregory: oh dear
General: actually there is calm on the streets
Gregory: well it’s not like they won the SuperBowl
General: we’re trying to save an entire population
Gregory: some say the U.S. military doesn’t work and play well with others
General: damm right!
Gregory: but there’s only one airport
General: and it’s ours!
Gregory: Doctor there is frustration over the
lack of smoothness helping earthquake victims in another country
Shah: jesus we starting sending aid 5 minutes
after the earthquake
Gregory: yeah but I like to whine
Shah: well calm down Fluffy
Gregory: but you didn’t send in enough
bottled water
Shah: we’re sending in water purification you
silly bint
Gregory: will the U.S. colonize Haiti?
General: that is not an affirmative, Fluffy!
Gregory: now that the crisis is over what now?
Shah: urban search and rescue, and sending
in help like food and water
Gregory: is that Detroit or Haiti?
[ break ]
Gregory: Kerry give me one word to describe Haiti
Sanders: chaos
Gregory: wow it sounds bad
Sanders: but actually things are getting better
Gregory: could you really find people alive
after all this time?
Sanders: yes this happens every time the media covers an earthquake Fluffers
Gregory: how come it isn’t easy to get supplies to
an island devastated by an earthquake?
Sanders: why is he sitting there while I’m stuck
in fucking Haiti?
Producer: uh Kerry you said that out loud
Sanders: oh
[ break ]
Gregory: Bush what’s your biggest concern
right now?
Bush: them Cowboys have no defense!
Gregory: Bill?
Clinton: the Haitian police force is on the job
- with no uniforms or weapons
Gregory: ok - should the US colonize Haiti?
Clinton: oh no - just an agreement allowing the
US temporary control of the area
Native Americans: uh oh
Bush: I’ve been through crises but people will
forget after a while
Gregory: like how you were president on 9/11?
Bush: no there were no attacks when I was President - just ask Saint Rudy
Clinton: I believe Haiti will be back and better
than ever!
Gregory: jesus you’re an optimist
Clinton: look at my life - wouldn’t you be?
Gregory: should we really give so much money
to all these former slaves?
Bush: good point but we can’t neglect Haiti when
it can get us on tv looking compassionate
Gregory: why should we care about this far-away backward corrupt region?
Clinton: hey I like Alaska
Gregory: what did you learn about your fuck-ups
in Katrina and everything else?
Bush: I learn you can’t trust shysters
Gregory: dear lord you do have a way with words
Gregory: Did Obama politicize this earthquake?
Bush: what are you talking about?
Gregory: I dunno
Gregory: Bill why can’t we just get along like this
all the time?
Clinton: I heard you were a moron
[ break ]
Gregory: Karen you witnessed Bush completely
fuck up the Katrina response
Hughes: indeed so I ought to know
Gregory: Bush is back!
Hughes: yeah it’s weird ‘Bush’ and ‘disaster relief’ don’t go well together
Gregory: John who’s winning Haiti vs. Katrina?
Podesta: oh Obama of course - he’s agile and
he's got alacrity
Gregory: Haiti was just about to turn the corner!
Woodward: right!
Gregory: but what’s the commitment in this U.S.
to help Haiti even more??
Woodward: like we’ve done so much before
Gregory: right
Woodward: the winguts and liberal bloggers hate seeing Clinton and Stupid being nice to each other
Gregory: speaking of idiots - Mark Halperin!
Halperin: this is just like the underpants bomber
but this time Obama is getting it right
Gregory: Limbaugh says we should let people die
Halperin: and the GOP won’t repudiate him!
Gregory: speaking of triviality - polls say Obama loses to “someone else”
Podesta: my god that’s stupid
Hughes: he has to stop blaming everything on Bush
Podesta: but Bush was the worst President
of all time
Hughes: oh we all inherit challenges
Podesta: Bush nearly wrecked this country!
Hughes: but Evan Bayh says Obama is too liberal!
Podesta: well Evan Bayh is an idiot
Woodward: you are all look foolish - people thought Reagan was doomed in 1982 and later he won every U.S. state but Haiti
Halperin: Obama is good at mechanics but he’s not inspiring people which is ironic
Hughes: no it was Bush who rescued the economy by giving billions of free money to rich people who ruined the U.S. economy
Podesta: jesus fuck
Hughes: Obama lied to people - he never said
he would pass health care reform!
Gregory: Karen he ran on health care!
Hughes: well anyway he does too much
Gregory: we never had the problem under Bush
Hughes: exactly!
Gregory: Obama wants to tax the banks who
got welfare
Woodward: well they can afford it - they are giving out bonuses
Gregory: what does Bush think about Cheney going out and saying totally insane things?
Hughes: frankly he’s scared of Dick Cheney
Gregory: but what does he think?
Hughes: well I think Obama should have tortured
the underwear bomber
Gregory: you’re sick
Gregory: OMG a Democrat might lose in Massachusetts!
Halperin: that’s good news for Obama so he
can enact a weak health care reform bill
Woodward: Charles Krauthammer says Obama is a socialist
Gregory: I thought he was Kenyan
Hughes: he’s a communist
Podesta: I can’t believe Massachusetts will replace Teddy with a teabagging centerfold
Gregory: how do we defeat health care reform
Hughes: oh no I hope they don’t pass health care reform!
Gregory: not the briar patch!
Podesta: people said that about the same bill in Massachusetts but guess what they love it now
Hughes: but it still isn’t perfect so we should go back to the status quo
Gregory: even if it destroys America?
Hughes: it’s the Republican way Greggers
******************
Listen to Culture of Truth and Jesus' General Sunday night at 8:00 p.m. Eastern time!
Listen live or archived at BTR - http://www.blogtalkradio.com/virtuallyspeaking
Subscribe at iTunes http://bit.ly/7DZcGa
*******************
Rajiv Shah - US AID
Lt. General Keen
Bill Clinton
George W. Bush
Bob Woodward
Karen Hughes
John Podesta
Mark Halperin
**********************
Gregory: Doctor Shah - what’s going on in Haiti?
Shah: well the roads, ports and airport have all
been destroyed
Gregory: how many people have died?
Shah: hey Gregger we’re hoping to still
rescue people
Gregory: really - why not just play air guitar
and eat birthday cakes?
Shah: we’re not fucking around dude!
Gregory: hey General how’s it going?
General: we taking care of business buddy
Gregory: what about the looters!?
General: the UN mission is taking care of it
Gregory: oh dear
General: actually there is calm on the streets
Gregory: well it’s not like they won the SuperBowl
General: we’re trying to save an entire population
Gregory: some say the U.S. military doesn’t work and play well with others
General: damm right!
Gregory: but there’s only one airport
General: and it’s ours!
Gregory: Doctor there is frustration over the
lack of smoothness helping earthquake victims in another country
Shah: jesus we starting sending aid 5 minutes
after the earthquake
Gregory: yeah but I like to whine
Shah: well calm down Fluffy
Gregory: but you didn’t send in enough
bottled water
Shah: we’re sending in water purification you
silly bint
Gregory: will the U.S. colonize Haiti?
General: that is not an affirmative, Fluffy!
Gregory: now that the crisis is over what now?
Shah: urban search and rescue, and sending
in help like food and water
Gregory: is that Detroit or Haiti?
[ break ]
Gregory: Kerry give me one word to describe Haiti
Sanders: chaos
Gregory: wow it sounds bad
Sanders: but actually things are getting better
Gregory: could you really find people alive
after all this time?
Sanders: yes this happens every time the media covers an earthquake Fluffers
Gregory: how come it isn’t easy to get supplies to
an island devastated by an earthquake?
Sanders: why is he sitting there while I’m stuck
in fucking Haiti?
Producer: uh Kerry you said that out loud
Sanders: oh
[ break ]
Gregory: Bush what’s your biggest concern
right now?
Bush: them Cowboys have no defense!
Gregory: Bill?
Clinton: the Haitian police force is on the job
- with no uniforms or weapons
Gregory: ok - should the US colonize Haiti?
Clinton: oh no - just an agreement allowing the
US temporary control of the area
Native Americans: uh oh
Bush: I’ve been through crises but people will
forget after a while
Gregory: like how you were president on 9/11?
Bush: no there were no attacks when I was President - just ask Saint Rudy
Clinton: I believe Haiti will be back and better
than ever!
Gregory: jesus you’re an optimist
Clinton: look at my life - wouldn’t you be?
Gregory: should we really give so much money
to all these former slaves?
Bush: good point but we can’t neglect Haiti when
it can get us on tv looking compassionate
Gregory: why should we care about this far-away backward corrupt region?
Clinton: hey I like Alaska
Gregory: what did you learn about your fuck-ups
in Katrina and everything else?
Bush: I learn you can’t trust shysters
Gregory: dear lord you do have a way with words
Gregory: Did Obama politicize this earthquake?
Bush: what are you talking about?
Gregory: I dunno
Gregory: Bill why can’t we just get along like this
all the time?
Clinton: I heard you were a moron
[ break ]
Gregory: Karen you witnessed Bush completely
fuck up the Katrina response
Hughes: indeed so I ought to know
Gregory: Bush is back!
Hughes: yeah it’s weird ‘Bush’ and ‘disaster relief’ don’t go well together
Gregory: John who’s winning Haiti vs. Katrina?
Podesta: oh Obama of course - he’s agile and
he's got alacrity
Gregory: Haiti was just about to turn the corner!
Woodward: right!
Gregory: but what’s the commitment in this U.S.
to help Haiti even more??
Woodward: like we’ve done so much before
Gregory: right
Woodward: the winguts and liberal bloggers hate seeing Clinton and Stupid being nice to each other
Gregory: speaking of idiots - Mark Halperin!
Halperin: this is just like the underpants bomber
but this time Obama is getting it right
Gregory: Limbaugh says we should let people die
Halperin: and the GOP won’t repudiate him!
Gregory: speaking of triviality - polls say Obama loses to “someone else”
Podesta: my god that’s stupid
Hughes: he has to stop blaming everything on Bush
Podesta: but Bush was the worst President
of all time
Hughes: oh we all inherit challenges
Podesta: Bush nearly wrecked this country!
Hughes: but Evan Bayh says Obama is too liberal!
Podesta: well Evan Bayh is an idiot
Woodward: you are all look foolish - people thought Reagan was doomed in 1982 and later he won every U.S. state but Haiti
Halperin: Obama is good at mechanics but he’s not inspiring people which is ironic
Hughes: no it was Bush who rescued the economy by giving billions of free money to rich people who ruined the U.S. economy
Podesta: jesus fuck
Hughes: Obama lied to people - he never said
he would pass health care reform!
Gregory: Karen he ran on health care!
Hughes: well anyway he does too much
Gregory: we never had the problem under Bush
Hughes: exactly!
Gregory: Obama wants to tax the banks who
got welfare
Woodward: well they can afford it - they are giving out bonuses
Gregory: what does Bush think about Cheney going out and saying totally insane things?
Hughes: frankly he’s scared of Dick Cheney
Gregory: but what does he think?
Hughes: well I think Obama should have tortured
the underwear bomber
Gregory: you’re sick
Gregory: OMG a Democrat might lose in Massachusetts!
Halperin: that’s good news for Obama so he
can enact a weak health care reform bill
Woodward: Charles Krauthammer says Obama is a socialist
Gregory: I thought he was Kenyan
Hughes: he’s a communist
Podesta: I can’t believe Massachusetts will replace Teddy with a teabagging centerfold
Gregory: how do we defeat health care reform
Hughes: oh no I hope they don’t pass health care reform!
Gregory: not the briar patch!
Podesta: people said that about the same bill in Massachusetts but guess what they love it now
Hughes: but it still isn’t perfect so we should go back to the status quo
Gregory: even if it destroys America?
Hughes: it’s the Republican way Greggers
******************
Listen to Culture of Truth and Jesus' General Sunday night at 8:00 p.m. Eastern time!
Listen live or archived at BTR - http://www.blogtalkradio.com/virtuallyspeaking
Subscribe at iTunes http://bit.ly/7DZcGa
*******************
This Week with George Stephanopoulos hosted by Jake Tapper - January 17, 2010
This Week with George Stephanopoulos
Host:
Jake Tapper
Guests:
Bill Clinton
George W. Bush
Lt. General Keen
Rajiv Shah - USAID
******************
Tapper: Welcome Former Presidents - hey guys check out this e-mail I got - ‘the country is in total chaos, the government is totally non-existent,
law and order no longer exist’
Clinton: What does Wall Street have to do with this?
Tapper: I was talking about Haiti
Bush: the whole country went Galt?
Tapper: no supplies aren’t getting through to
people in need
Clinton: chill the fuck out Tapper - my wife is on
top of this!
Tapper: but people are suffering
Clinton: dammit government ministers are missing
Tapper: Stupid you are a failure - why exactly
did they call you
Bush: I am an expert on the dishonest spending
of money
Tapper: of course
Clinton: on the other hand I spent my honeymoon
in Haiti and raised $500 million for Haiti before the earthquake
Bush: I’ve seen every episode of ‘Jersey Shore’
Tapper: ok
Bush: the Haitian government needs to step up dammit
Tapper: Conservatives are worried sending money to a corrupt government is wasteful
Clinton: that’s rich
Bush: the question is - do we care?
Tapper: Rush Limbaugh says no
Clinton: we will condition charity on the Haitian government building earthquake-proof houses
Tapper: of course
Tapper: Bush what lessons can we learn from your incredible fuck-ups?
Bush: lower expectations so when you fail it
doesn’t look so bad
Clinton: get cell phones and radios working so the people are informed about how screwed they are
Tapper: Martha is aid getting to the people?
Raddatz: no but dude maybe you haven’t heard -
a fucking earthquake hit this place
Tapper: no!
Tapper: what about the looting - is the US military going to invade Haiti or not?
Raddatz: no you idiot
Tapper: speaking of rumors of looting - General
why isn’t the U.S. military cracking Haitian skulls?
General: this is a tragedy of epic proportions
Tapper: we know Haiti is bad
General: I meant this interview
Tapper: how many soliders do you need to crush
the Haitian insurgency?
General: lots and lots
Tapper: how many years will we occupy Haiti?
General: dunno - forever?
Tapper: Doc - why isn’t aid getting to the Haitian people?
Shah: hey we’re doing our best
Tapper: look we all agree you’re doing a good job
Shah: it doesn’t sound like it
Tapper: how many tons of aid have you delivered?
Shah: a lot
Tapper: but not all of it
Shah: dude the roads are all broken and the
airports don’t function
Tapper: well that’s true in New York
Tapper: General how many casualties are we expecting?
General: I hope we don’t lose any soldiers
Tapper: I meant Haitians
General: oh I dunno
Tapper: General Honore had a bad reaction to a
fictional U.S. non-response
Shah: well fuck him - that never happened
Tapper: fascinating
******************
Host:
Jake Tapper
Guests:
Bill Clinton
George W. Bush
Lt. General Keen
Rajiv Shah - USAID
******************
Tapper: Welcome Former Presidents - hey guys check out this e-mail I got - ‘the country is in total chaos, the government is totally non-existent,
law and order no longer exist’
Clinton: What does Wall Street have to do with this?
Tapper: I was talking about Haiti
Bush: the whole country went Galt?
Tapper: no supplies aren’t getting through to
people in need
Clinton: chill the fuck out Tapper - my wife is on
top of this!
Tapper: but people are suffering
Clinton: dammit government ministers are missing
Tapper: Stupid you are a failure - why exactly
did they call you
Bush: I am an expert on the dishonest spending
of money
Tapper: of course
Clinton: on the other hand I spent my honeymoon
in Haiti and raised $500 million for Haiti before the earthquake
Bush: I’ve seen every episode of ‘Jersey Shore’
Tapper: ok
Bush: the Haitian government needs to step up dammit
Tapper: Conservatives are worried sending money to a corrupt government is wasteful
Clinton: that’s rich
Bush: the question is - do we care?
Tapper: Rush Limbaugh says no
Clinton: we will condition charity on the Haitian government building earthquake-proof houses
Tapper: of course
Tapper: Bush what lessons can we learn from your incredible fuck-ups?
Bush: lower expectations so when you fail it
doesn’t look so bad
Clinton: get cell phones and radios working so the people are informed about how screwed they are
Tapper: Martha is aid getting to the people?
Raddatz: no but dude maybe you haven’t heard -
a fucking earthquake hit this place
Tapper: no!
Tapper: what about the looting - is the US military going to invade Haiti or not?
Raddatz: no you idiot
Tapper: speaking of rumors of looting - General
why isn’t the U.S. military cracking Haitian skulls?
General: this is a tragedy of epic proportions
Tapper: we know Haiti is bad
General: I meant this interview
Tapper: how many soliders do you need to crush
the Haitian insurgency?
General: lots and lots
Tapper: how many years will we occupy Haiti?
General: dunno - forever?
Tapper: Doc - why isn’t aid getting to the Haitian people?
Shah: hey we’re doing our best
Tapper: look we all agree you’re doing a good job
Shah: it doesn’t sound like it
Tapper: how many tons of aid have you delivered?
Shah: a lot
Tapper: but not all of it
Shah: dude the roads are all broken and the
airports don’t function
Tapper: well that’s true in New York
Tapper: General how many casualties are we expecting?
General: I hope we don’t lose any soldiers
Tapper: I meant Haitians
General: oh I dunno
Tapper: General Honore had a bad reaction to a
fictional U.S. non-response
Shah: well fuck him - that never happened
Tapper: fascinating
******************
Monday, January 11, 2010
The Daily Show with John Yoo - January 11, 2010
***************************
The Daily Show
January 11, 2010
Guest:
John Yoo
***********************
Stewart: everyone on earth hates your fucking
guts and fears your broken soul
Yoo: yeah but people love you so it’s the same
Stewart: it seems like they came to you and
said ‘give us permission to crush a child’s balls’
and you said ‘how hard?’
Yoo: that’s true but we were under threat by
nutjobs with boxcutters
Stewart: so you weren’t following the law
but panicking?
Yoo: no there’s a special law to follow if you’re
really really scared
Stewart: I didn’t know that was in the Constitution
Yoo: Congress and the Supreme Court could
have stopped us
Stewart: really how?
Yoo: they could have defunded our ball crushing
Stewart: if they know you're crushing
balls day and night
Yoo: all they had to do was follow the screams
Stewart: but I thought we signed a treaty
banning torture
Yoo: yeah but there’s nothing in the treaty
about not crushing balls
Stewart: but we prosecuted people for torture
Yoo: but not for ball crushing
Stewart: I’m so confused
Yoo: look we either ball crush or we give the terrorists Miranda rights
Stewart: no in between?
Yoo: dude I don’t make the rules
Stewart: according to you the Framers wanted
us to have a dictatorship
Yoo: yes but only when a President has allowed
a massive terror attack to happen - then you
can go to town
Stewart: I see
Yoo: our best Presidents were all radical
dictator war Presidents
Stewart: why did you even bother following
the law when your whole philosophy is
‘terrortime baby - fuck the law’
Yoo: look I never actually told Bush ball
crushing was legal
Stewart: jesus christ I don’t know if that the
worst thing I’ve heard or not
Yoo: look America needs a Lincoln or Hitler or
Bush even if the price is sometimes a power-mad fascist like Nixon or Obama
Stewart: you sir, are one sick, sick man
Yoo: thank you Jon
Stewart: no really I thank you - now I understand
the banality of evil that allowed the Holocaust
to happen
*****************
The Daily Show
January 11, 2010
Guest:
John Yoo
***********************
Stewart: everyone on earth hates your fucking
guts and fears your broken soul
Yoo: yeah but people love you so it’s the same
Stewart: it seems like they came to you and
said ‘give us permission to crush a child’s balls’
and you said ‘how hard?’
Yoo: that’s true but we were under threat by
nutjobs with boxcutters
Stewart: so you weren’t following the law
but panicking?
Yoo: no there’s a special law to follow if you’re
really really scared
Stewart: I didn’t know that was in the Constitution
Yoo: Congress and the Supreme Court could
have stopped us
Stewart: really how?
Yoo: they could have defunded our ball crushing
Stewart: if they know you're crushing
balls day and night
Yoo: all they had to do was follow the screams
Stewart: but I thought we signed a treaty
banning torture
Yoo: yeah but there’s nothing in the treaty
about not crushing balls
Stewart: but we prosecuted people for torture
Yoo: but not for ball crushing
Stewart: I’m so confused
Yoo: look we either ball crush or we give the terrorists Miranda rights
Stewart: no in between?
Yoo: dude I don’t make the rules
Stewart: according to you the Framers wanted
us to have a dictatorship
Yoo: yes but only when a President has allowed
a massive terror attack to happen - then you
can go to town
Stewart: I see
Yoo: our best Presidents were all radical
dictator war Presidents
Stewart: why did you even bother following
the law when your whole philosophy is
‘terrortime baby - fuck the law’
Yoo: look I never actually told Bush ball
crushing was legal
Stewart: jesus christ I don’t know if that the
worst thing I’ve heard or not
Yoo: look America needs a Lincoln or Hitler or
Bush even if the price is sometimes a power-mad fascist like Nixon or Obama
Stewart: you sir, are one sick, sick man
Yoo: thank you Jon
Stewart: no really I thank you - now I understand
the banality of evil that allowed the Holocaust
to happen
*****************
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Meet The Press - January 10, 2010
Guests:
Tim Kaine - DNC Chair
Michael Steele - RNC Chair
Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger - Gov. Calif (R)
Chuck Todd
Andrea Mitchell
************************
Gregory: wow Reid apologized for saying Obama was pretty fly for a light-skinned black guy
Kaine: hey he was trying to be nice
Gregory: yeah but all racially insensitive remarks are all the same therefore Democrats are hypocrites
Steele: damm right - it’s a total double standard - saying we should have segregationist President
is just like using the word Negro
Kaine: ha that’s funny - you do realize that you are chair of a segregationist party and you are black?
Steele: what!? I am?!
Gregory: what is the mood of the American people?
Steele: people are very angry that they don’t have health care, jobs and a lot of debt
Gregory: Republicans would never let that happen
Kaine: we’re trying to slowly to come out of
the hole dug by massive epic GOP failures
Gregory: but the retirements!
Kaine: all Republicans!
Steele: I’m excited about the crop of insane crazy people we have lined up to run for office in 2010
Kaine: I believe Steele when he says Republicans are not ready to lead
Gregory: even liberal Obama supporters like Schwarzenegger says Obama’s health plan sucks
Steele: yeah but we will prevent people from
getting sick so it’s all good
Steele: this health plan is all about debt and deficits and you know how Republicans hate that
Gregory: except for the last 40 years
Steele: yeah well except for that
Kaine: I want to see Republicans run on
the craptacular health system we have now
- I really do
Gregory: Mike no one likes you and you’re
a little crazy
Steele: are you kidding! I’m totally down on
the street with elections! I got money off the hook!
Gregory: Is the GOP politicizing terrorism?
Steele: what!? Dick Cheney is right! Obama
never uses the word terrorism! And he hasn’t
closed Gitmo!
Kaine: good lord what a bunch of motherfuckers these Republicans are
[ break ]
Gregory: Arnold your governorship has been an utter disaster - is the worst finally over?
Schw: nah I tink ve haf much vorse to gom
Gregory: ok
Schwarzenegger: ve haf to stimulade da eegonomy
Gregory: but the debt and deficit and taxes!
David Ignatius fears we spend too much on social spending
Schwarzenegger: da taxes vill stifle da eegonomy
Gregory: oh?
Schwarzenegger: een gullyfornia ve must cut
zee penshuns
Gregory: [ laughing ] wow you are so right and handsome too
Schwarzenegger: I haf to tried to eggsplain to ze peeple zat ve haf no money
Gregory: you imposed draconian cuts - and yet you need money from the federal government
Schwarzenegger: nah ve need zem to pay
for border zeguridy
Gregory: was Obama’s stimulus a good thing?
Schwarzenegger: yah eet vas very gud but
eet vas only one-time zing
Gregory: what if you don’t get the money from the federal government that you will never get?
Schwarzenegger: nah eets like lifting a heavy ting you don’t give up - you just take more steroids until you haf grotesque mussles
Gregory: you oppose Obama’s health care reform
Schwarzenegger: yah ve are better than Nebraska so zey shuld fuk off
Gregory: good points
Schwarzenegger: zat’s againt de law to buy votes!
Gregory: um right
Gregory: what is the future for education which you are destroying?
Schwarzenegger: we changed de law that zed parents can’t be involved in skools
Gregory: what an odd law
Schwarzenegger: and Obama vas very helpful
Gregory: Obama hasn’t kept America safe
Schwarzenegger: Galm down Fluffy
Gregory: but all the terror attacks under Obama!
Schwarzenegger: I haf heard you were da moron
Gregory: where does an Austrian bodybuilder turned actor fit in a racist teabagging party of incompetent crazy people
Schwarzenegger: I haf many more silly one-liners
to deliver
Gregory: but the GOP is fucking nuts
Schwarzenegger: ve must work for da peeple
Gregory: oh
Schwarzenegger: ve are still living off da Eisenhower era and ve must built high speed rail
Gregory: good lord that makes sense
Schwarzenegger: ve vill win seats in 2010
but not because ve are gud but just because zats da pendulum
Gregory: What’s next for Ahnold?
Schwarzenegger: fix da sewers
[ banging noise ]
Schwarzenegger: pay no attention zat is just
da people rioting
Gregory: Arnold doesn’t like the health care bill which is bad for Obama
Todd: yes you could see a vein pop and that
is so sad
Mitchell: Saint Arnold is not partisan and that is a real problem for Obama - if you lose the muscleman all is lost
Gregory: McCain’s economist says we need
to spend more
Todd: right - people don’t realize that Obama is responsible for all the problems in the states as well
Gregory: this proves that government doesn’t work
Mitchell: the tea party is the most important
group in America
Todd: the recall of Gray Davis and election of Schwarzenegger was the first tea party success ever
Gregory: that worked out so well
Gregory: maybe the problem is that the American people only reward politicians who promise big spending, lower taxes, and killing people
Todd: they do love that
Gregory: look at all the Democratic retirements!!
Mitchell: the Democrats are clearly fucked
Gregory: people elect Republicans, they fuck up, vote for Democrats, and then they hate Democrats for not solving the GOP fuck ups and so vote Republican
Todd: makes sense to me
Gregory: the GOP have problems too
Todd: well only because they are controlled by people who are largely insane
Mitchell: but Saint Arnold is non-partisan
Todd: and he could never win a GOP primary because he’s not nuts enough
Gregory: David Broder says no more Mr. Spock
it’s time for Admiral Kirk!
Mitchell: it turns out the CIA double agent was working for al qaeda
Gregory: oops
Todd: Obama’s Presidency is totally reactive - so we have moved to the ass-kicking phase of his first term
Gregory: harry reid is a fucking idiot
Todd: the Dems can only hope he’s defeated
Gregory: is Obama over it?
Todd: he’s a very forgiving negro
**************
Tim Kaine - DNC Chair
Michael Steele - RNC Chair
Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger - Gov. Calif (R)
Chuck Todd
Andrea Mitchell
************************
Gregory: wow Reid apologized for saying Obama was pretty fly for a light-skinned black guy
Kaine: hey he was trying to be nice
Gregory: yeah but all racially insensitive remarks are all the same therefore Democrats are hypocrites
Steele: damm right - it’s a total double standard - saying we should have segregationist President
is just like using the word Negro
Kaine: ha that’s funny - you do realize that you are chair of a segregationist party and you are black?
Steele: what!? I am?!
Gregory: what is the mood of the American people?
Steele: people are very angry that they don’t have health care, jobs and a lot of debt
Gregory: Republicans would never let that happen
Kaine: we’re trying to slowly to come out of
the hole dug by massive epic GOP failures
Gregory: but the retirements!
Kaine: all Republicans!
Steele: I’m excited about the crop of insane crazy people we have lined up to run for office in 2010
Kaine: I believe Steele when he says Republicans are not ready to lead
Gregory: even liberal Obama supporters like Schwarzenegger says Obama’s health plan sucks
Steele: yeah but we will prevent people from
getting sick so it’s all good
Steele: this health plan is all about debt and deficits and you know how Republicans hate that
Gregory: except for the last 40 years
Steele: yeah well except for that
Kaine: I want to see Republicans run on
the craptacular health system we have now
- I really do
Gregory: Mike no one likes you and you’re
a little crazy
Steele: are you kidding! I’m totally down on
the street with elections! I got money off the hook!
Gregory: Is the GOP politicizing terrorism?
Steele: what!? Dick Cheney is right! Obama
never uses the word terrorism! And he hasn’t
closed Gitmo!
Kaine: good lord what a bunch of motherfuckers these Republicans are
[ break ]
Gregory: Arnold your governorship has been an utter disaster - is the worst finally over?
Schw: nah I tink ve haf much vorse to gom
Gregory: ok
Schwarzenegger: ve haf to stimulade da eegonomy
Gregory: but the debt and deficit and taxes!
David Ignatius fears we spend too much on social spending
Schwarzenegger: da taxes vill stifle da eegonomy
Gregory: oh?
Schwarzenegger: een gullyfornia ve must cut
zee penshuns
Gregory: [ laughing ] wow you are so right and handsome too
Schwarzenegger: I haf to tried to eggsplain to ze peeple zat ve haf no money
Gregory: you imposed draconian cuts - and yet you need money from the federal government
Schwarzenegger: nah ve need zem to pay
for border zeguridy
Gregory: was Obama’s stimulus a good thing?
Schwarzenegger: yah eet vas very gud but
eet vas only one-time zing
Gregory: what if you don’t get the money from the federal government that you will never get?
Schwarzenegger: nah eets like lifting a heavy ting you don’t give up - you just take more steroids until you haf grotesque mussles
Gregory: you oppose Obama’s health care reform
Schwarzenegger: yah ve are better than Nebraska so zey shuld fuk off
Gregory: good points
Schwarzenegger: zat’s againt de law to buy votes!
Gregory: um right
Gregory: what is the future for education which you are destroying?
Schwarzenegger: we changed de law that zed parents can’t be involved in skools
Gregory: what an odd law
Schwarzenegger: and Obama vas very helpful
Gregory: Obama hasn’t kept America safe
Schwarzenegger: Galm down Fluffy
Gregory: but all the terror attacks under Obama!
Schwarzenegger: I haf heard you were da moron
Gregory: where does an Austrian bodybuilder turned actor fit in a racist teabagging party of incompetent crazy people
Schwarzenegger: I haf many more silly one-liners
to deliver
Gregory: but the GOP is fucking nuts
Schwarzenegger: ve must work for da peeple
Gregory: oh
Schwarzenegger: ve are still living off da Eisenhower era and ve must built high speed rail
Gregory: good lord that makes sense
Schwarzenegger: ve vill win seats in 2010
but not because ve are gud but just because zats da pendulum
Gregory: What’s next for Ahnold?
Schwarzenegger: fix da sewers
[ banging noise ]
Schwarzenegger: pay no attention zat is just
da people rioting
Gregory: Arnold doesn’t like the health care bill which is bad for Obama
Todd: yes you could see a vein pop and that
is so sad
Mitchell: Saint Arnold is not partisan and that is a real problem for Obama - if you lose the muscleman all is lost
Gregory: McCain’s economist says we need
to spend more
Todd: right - people don’t realize that Obama is responsible for all the problems in the states as well
Gregory: this proves that government doesn’t work
Mitchell: the tea party is the most important
group in America
Todd: the recall of Gray Davis and election of Schwarzenegger was the first tea party success ever
Gregory: that worked out so well
Gregory: maybe the problem is that the American people only reward politicians who promise big spending, lower taxes, and killing people
Todd: they do love that
Gregory: look at all the Democratic retirements!!
Mitchell: the Democrats are clearly fucked
Gregory: people elect Republicans, they fuck up, vote for Democrats, and then they hate Democrats for not solving the GOP fuck ups and so vote Republican
Todd: makes sense to me
Gregory: the GOP have problems too
Todd: well only because they are controlled by people who are largely insane
Mitchell: but Saint Arnold is non-partisan
Todd: and he could never win a GOP primary because he’s not nuts enough
Gregory: David Broder says no more Mr. Spock
it’s time for Admiral Kirk!
Mitchell: it turns out the CIA double agent was working for al qaeda
Gregory: oops
Todd: Obama’s Presidency is totally reactive - so we have moved to the ass-kicking phase of his first term
Gregory: harry reid is a fucking idiot
Todd: the Dems can only hope he’s defeated
Gregory: is Obama over it?
Todd: he’s a very forgiving negro
**************
This Week with George Stephanolpous - January 10, 2010
*************
January 10, 2010
Guests:
Christine Romer
Robert Reich
Al Hunt
Judy Woodruff
Liz Cheney
George Will
*************
Stephanopoulos: Christine the economy sucks - what went wrong?
Romer: hey we’re losing lots of jobs but not
as many as before
Stephanopoulos: sure only because eventually everyone in the US will be unemployed
Romer: then we will be poised for a turnaround
Stephanopoulos: what does Obama think about
all this
Romer: he’s a TNT motherfucker!
Stephanopoulos: so are we totally fucked
Romer: the real question is will enough jobs be created to be us ot be reelected
Stephanopoulos: but not enough to keep
Timmy’s job?
Romer: ha no
Stephanopoulos: what are doing to turn America around?
Romer: we stimulated the economy and now its up to America’s crappy businesses
Stephanopoulos: even John McCain’s economist thinks we need a new stimulus
Romer: we can promote clean energy and cut taxes
Stephanopoulos: that’s all
Romer: we could fill every pothole in America
Stephanopoulos: whoa whoa - we want to end the recession not give every person on earth a job
Stephanopoulos: Joe Sestak says your health plan will tax poor union workers
Romer: no the President is willing to fight for this
Stephanopoulos: oh this he’s going to fight for?
Romer: darn right
Stephanopoulos: union workers are pissed
off at you
Romer: they’ll get over it when their plans are dropped and they don’t have to pay the tax
Stephanopoulos: experts say the plan will increase health care costs
Romer: oh you can’t trust those people
Stephanopoulos: that was your actuary
Romer: pish posh
Stephanopoulos: Wall Street banks are still giving away massive bonuses after getting welfare
Romer: yeah that’s too bad
Stephanopoulos: what are you doing about it
Romer: make a sternly worded phone call
Stephanopoulos: not a letter?
Romer: let’s not go too far
Stephanopoulos: right
[ break ]
Will: we need to cut taxes - that will solve everything
Reich: this is very scary
Hunt: the problem is only psychological
- people need to stop complaining and gets jobs yakking on tv
Liz Cheney: Obama blew the deficit and
that is terrible
Stephanopoulos: Dick said “deficits don’t matter”
Cheney: never heard of him
Woodruff: we need to calm down and not
do anything
Reich: people are angry that big businesses are making a lot of money in failing economy
Will: since people are uncertain about whether health care will pass business will never hire people
Cheney: right - capitalists are going Galt!
Stephanopoulos: Ahnold says Nebraska got the corn and dey gottda husk
Hunt: the Democrats have to pass something
even if it sucks
Woodruff: GOP are licking their chops
Stephanopoulos: ewww
Reich: the elections this year are about jobs
Will: suddenly America is worried about paying
for stuff
Stephanopoulos: right
Will: all the Congressional Democrats from California will do whatever Ahnold says
Liz Cheney: Obama is not answering questions about the terror attacks he caused
Stephanopoulos: no he spoke about the Nigeria bomber
Cheney: I meant how he caused 9/11
Stephanopoulos: right
*************
January 10, 2010
Guests:
Christine Romer
Robert Reich
Al Hunt
Judy Woodruff
Liz Cheney
George Will
*************
Stephanopoulos: Christine the economy sucks - what went wrong?
Romer: hey we’re losing lots of jobs but not
as many as before
Stephanopoulos: sure only because eventually everyone in the US will be unemployed
Romer: then we will be poised for a turnaround
Stephanopoulos: what does Obama think about
all this
Romer: he’s a TNT motherfucker!
Stephanopoulos: so are we totally fucked
Romer: the real question is will enough jobs be created to be us ot be reelected
Stephanopoulos: but not enough to keep
Timmy’s job?
Romer: ha no
Stephanopoulos: what are doing to turn America around?
Romer: we stimulated the economy and now its up to America’s crappy businesses
Stephanopoulos: even John McCain’s economist thinks we need a new stimulus
Romer: we can promote clean energy and cut taxes
Stephanopoulos: that’s all
Romer: we could fill every pothole in America
Stephanopoulos: whoa whoa - we want to end the recession not give every person on earth a job
Stephanopoulos: Joe Sestak says your health plan will tax poor union workers
Romer: no the President is willing to fight for this
Stephanopoulos: oh this he’s going to fight for?
Romer: darn right
Stephanopoulos: union workers are pissed
off at you
Romer: they’ll get over it when their plans are dropped and they don’t have to pay the tax
Stephanopoulos: experts say the plan will increase health care costs
Romer: oh you can’t trust those people
Stephanopoulos: that was your actuary
Romer: pish posh
Stephanopoulos: Wall Street banks are still giving away massive bonuses after getting welfare
Romer: yeah that’s too bad
Stephanopoulos: what are you doing about it
Romer: make a sternly worded phone call
Stephanopoulos: not a letter?
Romer: let’s not go too far
Stephanopoulos: right
[ break ]
Will: we need to cut taxes - that will solve everything
Reich: this is very scary
Hunt: the problem is only psychological
- people need to stop complaining and gets jobs yakking on tv
Liz Cheney: Obama blew the deficit and
that is terrible
Stephanopoulos: Dick said “deficits don’t matter”
Cheney: never heard of him
Woodruff: we need to calm down and not
do anything
Reich: people are angry that big businesses are making a lot of money in failing economy
Will: since people are uncertain about whether health care will pass business will never hire people
Cheney: right - capitalists are going Galt!
Stephanopoulos: Ahnold says Nebraska got the corn and dey gottda husk
Hunt: the Democrats have to pass something
even if it sucks
Woodruff: GOP are licking their chops
Stephanopoulos: ewww
Reich: the elections this year are about jobs
Will: suddenly America is worried about paying
for stuff
Stephanopoulos: right
Will: all the Congressional Democrats from California will do whatever Ahnold says
Liz Cheney: Obama is not answering questions about the terror attacks he caused
Stephanopoulos: no he spoke about the Nigeria bomber
Cheney: I meant how he caused 9/11
Stephanopoulos: right
*************
Sunday, January 03, 2010
Meet the Press - January 3, 2010
Guests:
John Brennan
Michael Hayden
Michael Chertoff
Tom Brokaw
Doris Goodwin
E.J. Dionne
David Brooks
**************************
Gregory: why did Janet Napolitano say things went great even though a terror attack was thwarted?
Brennan: I heard you were a moron
Gregory: what did the CIA know about underwear before 12/24?
Brennan: Boxer-briefs are the most comfortable
way to go
Gregory: how do we win the war on terror?
Brennan: degrading people who hate us
Gregory: how could the government let underpants-boy on a plane!?!
Brennan: calm down Fluffy
Gregory: but I’m scared!
Brennan: the government has to be seamless
and perfect every day
Gregory: dear god
Gregory: should we get rid of privacy rights?
Brennan: maybe - the Dutch have full nude
body scanners
Gregory: yeah but they are all tall and incredibly good looking
Brennan: that’s a good point
Gregory: why aren’t we torturing this Nigerian kid?
Brennan: oh I don’t know - the law or something
Gregory: boooooorrrring!!!!!
Brennan: we’ve got Jack McCoy getting a
strong plea deal right now
Gregory: should we send accused terrorists
who hate us back to Yemen?
Brennan: like George W. Bush did?
Gregory: never heard of him - did he work
for Dick Cheney?
Brennan: something like that
Gregory: President Cheney says Obama surrendered to terrorists
Brennan: Dick should spend a little more time not shooting his friends and a little time undermining
the President of the United States
Gregory: when are we going to catch Osama?
Brennan: we had him at Tora Bora and Bush
let him get away
Gregory: what’s the deal with Yemen anyway?
Hayden: it’s terror-central
Gregory: you released terrorists from Gitmo
and sent them to Yemen!
Hayden: that’s true but we had to - we ran out of orange chicken
Gregory: what mistakes did Bush make?
Hayden: we were too soft on terrorists
Gregory: right
Gregory: what about right to privacy?
Chertoff: plane travelers have the right to life dammit!
Gregory: isn’t the underwear bombing proof
that the Bush system doesn’t work?
Chertoff: hey Fluffy it worked for 7 years when we never had an attack or attempted attack
Gregory: should we have full body scanners?
Chertoff: oh yes and the fact that I get rich off
selling it is irrelevant
Gregory: what’s it’s called?
Chertoff: “Scan-Wow!”
Gregory: ok
Chertoff: blame those civil liberty loving Dutch -
we should bypass them entirely
Gregory: pass the Dutchie on the left hand side
Gregory: some terror guy told me that 90% of terrorists are young muslim men
Chertoff: well that person was using you to spout bullshit Fluffers
Gregory: unpossible
Gregory: should Dick Cheney criticize Obama or does that make him unpatriotic like Dick Cheney would say?
Hayden: people need to stop hyperventilating
Gregory: oh noes!
Gregory: isn’t Obama weak on terror?
Hayden: no but he could torture more
Chertoff: Obama has said we are at war but putting KSM on trial in New York city will weaken America
Gregory: because terrorists will attack if they think they will only go to a supermax prison
[ break ]
Gregory: how has Obama handled his first 3:00 a.m.
phone call?
Brokaw: his failure to panic proved we are vulnerable to suicidal teenagers
Brooks: Obama failed but look bad things happen and people should stop crying every time some failed underpants bomber fucks up
Gregory: why does Dick Cheney whine so much?
Dionne: because he’s a dishonest ghoul
Gregory: that’s true
Dionne: even Bush officials think he’s a hypocritical lunatic
Gregory: Doris this is not as much fun as other wars
Goodwin: because we didn’t raise taxes or do anything but go shopping
Brokaw: we learned that we can’t kill every single muslim on earth
Gregory: too bad
Brooks: this all started in Iran in 1979 and we can see that regime dying right now
Gregory: so what do we do about it?
Brooks: cut off supplies on gasoline and pretend to be tough with a lot of empty words
Dionne: what a weasel you are david
Goodwin: this proves that Obama making diplomatic overtures to China has worked
Brooks: me strong!
Brokaw: the teabaggers rule America!
Dionne: sure Tom but repealing the health plan won’t be popular either
Brokaw: warble warble
Brooks: most people oppose the Obamacare plan
Goodwin: not the actual plan just the fake Fox news version of the plan
Brooks: no one knows what’s in the plan! and they oppose the plan!
Goodwin: idiot
Brooks: it rations care! and costs too much!
Brokaw: we should kill old useless people
Gregory: like you?
Brokaw: arble garble
Gregory: this decade really sucked
Goodwin: yes but epic failure represents great opportunity
Brokaw: this is nothing - the 60s really sucked
Brooks: the future belongs to the teabaggers
Gregory: good god
Dionne: Obama has to show government can work and that will show how stupid the teabaggers are
Brokaw: 9/11 general motors wall street urble burble
Gregory: and that’s the last word
*****************
John Brennan
Michael Hayden
Michael Chertoff
Tom Brokaw
Doris Goodwin
E.J. Dionne
David Brooks
**************************
Gregory: why did Janet Napolitano say things went great even though a terror attack was thwarted?
Brennan: I heard you were a moron
Gregory: what did the CIA know about underwear before 12/24?
Brennan: Boxer-briefs are the most comfortable
way to go
Gregory: how do we win the war on terror?
Brennan: degrading people who hate us
Gregory: how could the government let underpants-boy on a plane!?!
Brennan: calm down Fluffy
Gregory: but I’m scared!
Brennan: the government has to be seamless
and perfect every day
Gregory: dear god
Gregory: should we get rid of privacy rights?
Brennan: maybe - the Dutch have full nude
body scanners
Gregory: yeah but they are all tall and incredibly good looking
Brennan: that’s a good point
Gregory: why aren’t we torturing this Nigerian kid?
Brennan: oh I don’t know - the law or something
Gregory: boooooorrrring!!!!!
Brennan: we’ve got Jack McCoy getting a
strong plea deal right now
Gregory: should we send accused terrorists
who hate us back to Yemen?
Brennan: like George W. Bush did?
Gregory: never heard of him - did he work
for Dick Cheney?
Brennan: something like that
Gregory: President Cheney says Obama surrendered to terrorists
Brennan: Dick should spend a little more time not shooting his friends and a little time undermining
the President of the United States
Gregory: when are we going to catch Osama?
Brennan: we had him at Tora Bora and Bush
let him get away
Gregory: what’s the deal with Yemen anyway?
Hayden: it’s terror-central
Gregory: you released terrorists from Gitmo
and sent them to Yemen!
Hayden: that’s true but we had to - we ran out of orange chicken
Gregory: what mistakes did Bush make?
Hayden: we were too soft on terrorists
Gregory: right
Gregory: what about right to privacy?
Chertoff: plane travelers have the right to life dammit!
Gregory: isn’t the underwear bombing proof
that the Bush system doesn’t work?
Chertoff: hey Fluffy it worked for 7 years when we never had an attack or attempted attack
Gregory: should we have full body scanners?
Chertoff: oh yes and the fact that I get rich off
selling it is irrelevant
Gregory: what’s it’s called?
Chertoff: “Scan-Wow!”
Gregory: ok
Chertoff: blame those civil liberty loving Dutch -
we should bypass them entirely
Gregory: pass the Dutchie on the left hand side
Gregory: some terror guy told me that 90% of terrorists are young muslim men
Chertoff: well that person was using you to spout bullshit Fluffers
Gregory: unpossible
Gregory: should Dick Cheney criticize Obama or does that make him unpatriotic like Dick Cheney would say?
Hayden: people need to stop hyperventilating
Gregory: oh noes!
Gregory: isn’t Obama weak on terror?
Hayden: no but he could torture more
Chertoff: Obama has said we are at war but putting KSM on trial in New York city will weaken America
Gregory: because terrorists will attack if they think they will only go to a supermax prison
[ break ]
Gregory: how has Obama handled his first 3:00 a.m.
phone call?
Brokaw: his failure to panic proved we are vulnerable to suicidal teenagers
Brooks: Obama failed but look bad things happen and people should stop crying every time some failed underpants bomber fucks up
Gregory: why does Dick Cheney whine so much?
Dionne: because he’s a dishonest ghoul
Gregory: that’s true
Dionne: even Bush officials think he’s a hypocritical lunatic
Gregory: Doris this is not as much fun as other wars
Goodwin: because we didn’t raise taxes or do anything but go shopping
Brokaw: we learned that we can’t kill every single muslim on earth
Gregory: too bad
Brooks: this all started in Iran in 1979 and we can see that regime dying right now
Gregory: so what do we do about it?
Brooks: cut off supplies on gasoline and pretend to be tough with a lot of empty words
Dionne: what a weasel you are david
Goodwin: this proves that Obama making diplomatic overtures to China has worked
Brooks: me strong!
Brokaw: the teabaggers rule America!
Dionne: sure Tom but repealing the health plan won’t be popular either
Brokaw: warble warble
Brooks: most people oppose the Obamacare plan
Goodwin: not the actual plan just the fake Fox news version of the plan
Brooks: no one knows what’s in the plan! and they oppose the plan!
Goodwin: idiot
Brooks: it rations care! and costs too much!
Brokaw: we should kill old useless people
Gregory: like you?
Brokaw: arble garble
Gregory: this decade really sucked
Goodwin: yes but epic failure represents great opportunity
Brokaw: this is nothing - the 60s really sucked
Brooks: the future belongs to the teabaggers
Gregory: good god
Dionne: Obama has to show government can work and that will show how stupid the teabaggers are
Brokaw: 9/11 general motors wall street urble burble
Gregory: and that’s the last word
*****************
This Week With George Stephanopoulos hosted by Terry Moran - January 3, 2010
Host: Terry Moran
Guests:
John Brennan
Rep. Pete Hoekstra
Sen. Susan Collins
Sen. Joe Lieberman
Rep. Jane Harman
*******************
Moran: John why did we close the Yemen embassy
Brennan: well as soon we found out we had
one we closed it
Moran: why?
Brennan: dude the hostage crisis killed Jimmy Carter - we’re not going to let that happen again
Moran: when are we invading Yemen?
Brennan: we don’t have to - the happy little
Yemen government is going to get al qaeda for us
Moran: really?
Brennan: ha no just kidding
Moran: who dropped the ball with that Nigerian
kid with the explosive underpants?
Brennan: from now on whenever a dad calls and says ‘hey my kid is a terror loving-lunatic’ we
won’t put them on hold
Moran: bad news for liz cheney
Brennan: indeed
Moran: how come the CIA is stupider than Google
or Facebook?
Brennan: free market baby
Moran: that’s sad
Brennan: just watch college football and enjoy it
Moran: Should Janet Napolitano be fired because
of underwear boy?
Brennan: If Bush were President she’d get the
Medal of Feardom
Moran: you mean freedom
Brennan: right
Moran: 7 CIA officers were just killed in Afghanistan
Brennan: we’re trying to make sure it will never happen again
Moran: we could leave Afghanistan
Brennan: no we can’t because there are cunning swarthy people in that far off land in central asia
Moran: Pete you just got back from Yemen -
did you run into Osama bin Laden?
Hoekstra: sadly the innocent people we tortured at Gitmo are not happy about it
Moran: who knew?
Hoekstra: also there are many Americans who look forward to more terror attacks under Obama
Moran: we’ll get to Dick Cheney later
Lieberman: we have to declare war on Yemen
Moran: why did Janet Napolitano let the underoo bomber kill all those Americans?
Collins: I don’t know maybe she hates America
Lieberman: we need bipartisan hearings to determine which brown people we should kill next
Moran: hasn’t the time come to stop releasing the innocent people we tortured - I mean if they didn’t hate us before they sure do now
Harman: we should let them go just not send them
to Yemen cause it’s a crazy place
Moran: but you think we should release them?
Harman: yes let them live free in a prison in Illinois
Moran: what should America do now?
Harman: we need a global anti-terror strategy
Moran: what an interesting idea
Harman: also we should use Bush’s privacy
and civil liberties board
Moran: how would that help
Harman: when we repeal all civil rights they can
give us cover
Moran: isn’t it obvious that we can’t stop every attack?
Hoekstra: kill kill kill!
Moran: shouldn’t we start profiling brown people?
Collins: to me the real question is why wasn’t the rule invoked that whenever your dad calls an embassy about you your visa is revoked?
Moran: should this teenage Nigerian be put on trial?
Lieberman: no this misguided kid should be put
in a military brig, tortured, and disappeared - that will prove the terrorists are evil!
Moran: what about Gitmo?
Lieberman: I know Gitmo has a bad reputation-
Moran: because of the non-stop gruesome tortures?
Lieberman: yes but other than that it’s an incredibly humane facility - after all they have free health care and involuntary snorkeling
Moran: any other crazy ideas?
Lieberman: yes the CIA should be in charge of visas and also Africans should not be allowed to fly
Moran: isn’t Dick Cheney right that Obama doesn’t care about terrorism
Harman: no that’s stupid
Moran: but Dick is so strong - he shot an
innocent guy!
Harman: we’re not at war on terrorism - we’re
at war with al qaeda
Moran: Pete isn’t it disgusting to raise money for governor off an attempted terror attack
Hoektra: hey I finally got Obama to recognize that threats are real
Moran: thank for coming you repulsive man
Lieberman: thank you terry
Moran: I was talking to Pete Hoekstra
Joe: oh sorry - force of habit
**********************
Guests:
John Brennan
Rep. Pete Hoekstra
Sen. Susan Collins
Sen. Joe Lieberman
Rep. Jane Harman
*******************
Moran: John why did we close the Yemen embassy
Brennan: well as soon we found out we had
one we closed it
Moran: why?
Brennan: dude the hostage crisis killed Jimmy Carter - we’re not going to let that happen again
Moran: when are we invading Yemen?
Brennan: we don’t have to - the happy little
Yemen government is going to get al qaeda for us
Moran: really?
Brennan: ha no just kidding
Moran: who dropped the ball with that Nigerian
kid with the explosive underpants?
Brennan: from now on whenever a dad calls and says ‘hey my kid is a terror loving-lunatic’ we
won’t put them on hold
Moran: bad news for liz cheney
Brennan: indeed
Moran: how come the CIA is stupider than Google
or Facebook?
Brennan: free market baby
Moran: that’s sad
Brennan: just watch college football and enjoy it
Moran: Should Janet Napolitano be fired because
of underwear boy?
Brennan: If Bush were President she’d get the
Medal of Feardom
Moran: you mean freedom
Brennan: right
Moran: 7 CIA officers were just killed in Afghanistan
Brennan: we’re trying to make sure it will never happen again
Moran: we could leave Afghanistan
Brennan: no we can’t because there are cunning swarthy people in that far off land in central asia
Moran: Pete you just got back from Yemen -
did you run into Osama bin Laden?
Hoekstra: sadly the innocent people we tortured at Gitmo are not happy about it
Moran: who knew?
Hoekstra: also there are many Americans who look forward to more terror attacks under Obama
Moran: we’ll get to Dick Cheney later
Lieberman: we have to declare war on Yemen
Moran: why did Janet Napolitano let the underoo bomber kill all those Americans?
Collins: I don’t know maybe she hates America
Lieberman: we need bipartisan hearings to determine which brown people we should kill next
Moran: hasn’t the time come to stop releasing the innocent people we tortured - I mean if they didn’t hate us before they sure do now
Harman: we should let them go just not send them
to Yemen cause it’s a crazy place
Moran: but you think we should release them?
Harman: yes let them live free in a prison in Illinois
Moran: what should America do now?
Harman: we need a global anti-terror strategy
Moran: what an interesting idea
Harman: also we should use Bush’s privacy
and civil liberties board
Moran: how would that help
Harman: when we repeal all civil rights they can
give us cover
Moran: isn’t it obvious that we can’t stop every attack?
Hoekstra: kill kill kill!
Moran: shouldn’t we start profiling brown people?
Collins: to me the real question is why wasn’t the rule invoked that whenever your dad calls an embassy about you your visa is revoked?
Moran: should this teenage Nigerian be put on trial?
Lieberman: no this misguided kid should be put
in a military brig, tortured, and disappeared - that will prove the terrorists are evil!
Moran: what about Gitmo?
Lieberman: I know Gitmo has a bad reputation-
Moran: because of the non-stop gruesome tortures?
Lieberman: yes but other than that it’s an incredibly humane facility - after all they have free health care and involuntary snorkeling
Moran: any other crazy ideas?
Lieberman: yes the CIA should be in charge of visas and also Africans should not be allowed to fly
Moran: isn’t Dick Cheney right that Obama doesn’t care about terrorism
Harman: no that’s stupid
Moran: but Dick is so strong - he shot an
innocent guy!
Harman: we’re not at war on terrorism - we’re
at war with al qaeda
Moran: Pete isn’t it disgusting to raise money for governor off an attempted terror attack
Hoektra: hey I finally got Obama to recognize that threats are real
Moran: thank for coming you repulsive man
Lieberman: thank you terry
Moran: I was talking to Pete Hoekstra
Joe: oh sorry - force of habit
**********************
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Meet The Press - December 20, 2009
Guests:
David Axelrod
Howard Dean
Joe Scarborough
Markos Moulistas
Ed Gillespie
Tavis Smiley
****************************
Gregory: Axel did you win or sell out all your principles for a terrible health bill?
Axelrod: both
Gregory: explain
Axelrod: we’re going to help a few people without insurance and reduce the deficit by a trillion dollars
Gregory: please say “mission accomplished”
so I can make fun of you for it
Axelrod: look I know liberals are mad but Paul Krugman supports it and it will end all preexisting conditions
Gregory: will any part of the House bill survive?
Axelrod: maybe the first “whereas”
Gregory: why the fuck do we need 60 votes to
pass laws in the Senate?
Axelrod: it’s time-honored abject stupidity
Gregory: we asked some Poles and they don’t understand this bill at all
Axelrod: when you tell people what we pretend
is in the bill then people love it
Gregory: it’s so sad that Republicans once supported Medicare but now Obama can’t
get any get GOP votes - doesn’t that prove that Obama is a total failure?
Axelrod: I heard you were a moron Fluffy -
but you’re an obtuse hack too
Gregory: [ fluffs hair ] um what
Axelrod: hey idiot - the GOP has become an obstructionist party of total assholes
Gregory: yeah but they’re rich and so funny
Axelrod: can I talk to Luke Russsert - at least
he’s adorably stupid
Gregory: Howard Dean says this bill sucks
Axelrod: well we says it does good and I’d like
to see him get a better bill enacted
Gregory: Obama promised that Ben Nelson
and Joe Lieberman would support a public option
Axelrod: that’s ridiculous - this a good bill and
that’s the important thing
Gregory: but you betrayed liberals
Axelrod: no we didn’t - we worked in the legislative process available to us
Gregory: but this is a compromise!
Axelrod: oh noes!
Gregory: Obama didn’t fight for a public option!
Axelrod: yes he did - but this is how the system works
Gregory: will the bill bring overall health costs
down or not?
Axelrod: it will reduce the deficits and reduce premiums
Gregory: but a CAT scan is still expensive!
Axelrod: I’d like to scan your brain someday
Gregory: don’t bother you won’t find anything
Axelrod: ok
Gregory: have you killed the Democrats’ chances
in 2010?
Axelrod: The President doesn’t worry about polls - he’s trying to help the nation long-term
Gregory: but if the Democrats lose seats in 2010
that will prove Americans don’t need health care
Axelrod: even though President always lose seats
in the first Congressional election
Gregory: right
[ break ]
Gregory: What's up Doc
Dean: it's snowing and you're a dancing fool
Gregory: Howard is the health care bill horrible
or great?
Dean: it’s been improved since I hated on it but
it still isn’t perfect
Gregory: so should it be supported or not?
Dean: the problem is the whole thing revolves around for-profit insurance companies
Gregory: I am going to challenge you by citing criticisms of Obama
Dean: there was an unseemly scramble for votes
Gregory: don’t you need votes for pass laws?
Dean: naww
Gregory: you are not in office - so you will your
fake vote not go to this bill?
Dean: No!
Gregory: do you expect the White House to put
in a public option or not
Dean: no - Obama is not a fighter like me
Gregory: so without a public option you would
vote ‘no’?
Dean: a 30 year fight with insurance companies
is a bad thing
Gregory: and killing the bill would prevent that
Dean: right
Gregory: Vicki Kennedy says we can’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good
Dean: yeah but I am in favor of getting the bill right
Gregory: I see
Gregory: John McCain says you are right
and we should let the Republicans write this bill
Dean: I hate Republicans and they are fucking evil
Gregory: so I hear you saying you are leaving
the Democratic party
Dean: Calm down Fluffy - you stupid fuck
Gregory: Is this internal fight going to ruin the Democratic party?
Dean: I know that’s your dream but if I were that room I’d answer you by punching you in the face
Gregory: ha ha
Dean: I’m not kidding
Gregory: so what went wrong
Dean: it’s a damn shame that a few asshole Senators can hold up legislation
Gregory: take your snow and leave Doc
Dean: fuck you
[ break ]
Gregory: Markos I love you on “Two and Half Men”
Moulitsas: I’m not on that show
Gregory: what? who are you then?
Moulitsas: I have a blog called the Daily Kos
Gregory: alright Kos is this health care bill a horrible compromise?
Moulitsas: no it only reinforces the existing system and if deductibles are too high poor people are screwed
Scarborough: ha ha insurance stocks are higher
ha ha
Gregory: Tavis Obama didn’t fight for the public option and this isn’t reform!
Smiley: sadly I am your third guest to agree that Obama didn’t fulfill his promises and he didn’t
crush the insurance lobby
Gillespie: sadly I must agree that this bill is an unmitigated disaster because this will help people get free medical care which will only encourage
poor lazy people to get sick
Scarborough: ha ha this bill will elect Republicans ha ha
Gregory: Obama says this bill takes on the insurance companies
Moulitsas: well sure but we need to crush the insurers - they are evil
Gregory: Kos isn’t passing federal legislation a little more difficult that idealistic liberals think?
Moulitsas: true but insurers spend millions on lobbying and the GOP can’t be reasoned with
Gregory: ok then
Smiley: You need to stand on principle! Screw gradualism or incrementalism! Ain’t gonna
get it done!
Gregory: Ed how do answer the charge that Obama is unpopular?!!?
Gillespie: he’s a socialist!
Gregory: but people hate the GOP too
Gillespie: no I took a poll that said people age 90
and over support the GOP
Gregory: Joe Scar how do answer the charge that people hate liberals?
Scarborough: it’s all these distractions like health care and wars and winning the Nobel prize -
we need jobs! Obama needs to be in Cleveland
not Oslo!
Moulitsas: Obama’s polls are down because he’s
not liberal enough!
Gillespie: no Obama’s radically partisan and not Republican enough!
Moulitsas: this nation hates Republicans
Gillespie: we’ll see about that Daily
Moulitsas: my name is Markos
Smiley: You have to stand on principle! Keep your eye on the ball! Jobs jobs jobs!
Gregory: Joe Obama is a total failure - Scar how does he turn it around
Scarborough: he needs to reach out to Republicans and crush the teachers unions and tell Henry Waxman to fuck off
Gregory: that makes perfect sense if you are ingesting large amounts of mind altering drugs
Scarborough: ha [ sniffs glue ]
Scarborough: ha ha when has he reached out to Republicans like the U.S. Constitution requires??
Moulitsas: the base is disenchanted - but the way
to get bloggers really excited bloggers is regulatory reform
Gregory: you’re a nerd
Moulitsas: blog power!
*****************
David Axelrod
Howard Dean
Joe Scarborough
Markos Moulistas
Ed Gillespie
Tavis Smiley
****************************
Gregory: Axel did you win or sell out all your principles for a terrible health bill?
Axelrod: both
Gregory: explain
Axelrod: we’re going to help a few people without insurance and reduce the deficit by a trillion dollars
Gregory: please say “mission accomplished”
so I can make fun of you for it
Axelrod: look I know liberals are mad but Paul Krugman supports it and it will end all preexisting conditions
Gregory: will any part of the House bill survive?
Axelrod: maybe the first “whereas”
Gregory: why the fuck do we need 60 votes to
pass laws in the Senate?
Axelrod: it’s time-honored abject stupidity
Gregory: we asked some Poles and they don’t understand this bill at all
Axelrod: when you tell people what we pretend
is in the bill then people love it
Gregory: it’s so sad that Republicans once supported Medicare but now Obama can’t
get any get GOP votes - doesn’t that prove that Obama is a total failure?
Axelrod: I heard you were a moron Fluffy -
but you’re an obtuse hack too
Gregory: [ fluffs hair ] um what
Axelrod: hey idiot - the GOP has become an obstructionist party of total assholes
Gregory: yeah but they’re rich and so funny
Axelrod: can I talk to Luke Russsert - at least
he’s adorably stupid
Gregory: Howard Dean says this bill sucks
Axelrod: well we says it does good and I’d like
to see him get a better bill enacted
Gregory: Obama promised that Ben Nelson
and Joe Lieberman would support a public option
Axelrod: that’s ridiculous - this a good bill and
that’s the important thing
Gregory: but you betrayed liberals
Axelrod: no we didn’t - we worked in the legislative process available to us
Gregory: but this is a compromise!
Axelrod: oh noes!
Gregory: Obama didn’t fight for a public option!
Axelrod: yes he did - but this is how the system works
Gregory: will the bill bring overall health costs
down or not?
Axelrod: it will reduce the deficits and reduce premiums
Gregory: but a CAT scan is still expensive!
Axelrod: I’d like to scan your brain someday
Gregory: don’t bother you won’t find anything
Axelrod: ok
Gregory: have you killed the Democrats’ chances
in 2010?
Axelrod: The President doesn’t worry about polls - he’s trying to help the nation long-term
Gregory: but if the Democrats lose seats in 2010
that will prove Americans don’t need health care
Axelrod: even though President always lose seats
in the first Congressional election
Gregory: right
[ break ]
Gregory: What's up Doc
Dean: it's snowing and you're a dancing fool
Gregory: Howard is the health care bill horrible
or great?
Dean: it’s been improved since I hated on it but
it still isn’t perfect
Gregory: so should it be supported or not?
Dean: the problem is the whole thing revolves around for-profit insurance companies
Gregory: I am going to challenge you by citing criticisms of Obama
Dean: there was an unseemly scramble for votes
Gregory: don’t you need votes for pass laws?
Dean: naww
Gregory: you are not in office - so you will your
fake vote not go to this bill?
Dean: No!
Gregory: do you expect the White House to put
in a public option or not
Dean: no - Obama is not a fighter like me
Gregory: so without a public option you would
vote ‘no’?
Dean: a 30 year fight with insurance companies
is a bad thing
Gregory: and killing the bill would prevent that
Dean: right
Gregory: Vicki Kennedy says we can’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good
Dean: yeah but I am in favor of getting the bill right
Gregory: I see
Gregory: John McCain says you are right
and we should let the Republicans write this bill
Dean: I hate Republicans and they are fucking evil
Gregory: so I hear you saying you are leaving
the Democratic party
Dean: Calm down Fluffy - you stupid fuck
Gregory: Is this internal fight going to ruin the Democratic party?
Dean: I know that’s your dream but if I were that room I’d answer you by punching you in the face
Gregory: ha ha
Dean: I’m not kidding
Gregory: so what went wrong
Dean: it’s a damn shame that a few asshole Senators can hold up legislation
Gregory: take your snow and leave Doc
Dean: fuck you
[ break ]
Gregory: Markos I love you on “Two and Half Men”
Moulitsas: I’m not on that show
Gregory: what? who are you then?
Moulitsas: I have a blog called the Daily Kos
Gregory: alright Kos is this health care bill a horrible compromise?
Moulitsas: no it only reinforces the existing system and if deductibles are too high poor people are screwed
Scarborough: ha ha insurance stocks are higher
ha ha
Gregory: Tavis Obama didn’t fight for the public option and this isn’t reform!
Smiley: sadly I am your third guest to agree that Obama didn’t fulfill his promises and he didn’t
crush the insurance lobby
Gillespie: sadly I must agree that this bill is an unmitigated disaster because this will help people get free medical care which will only encourage
poor lazy people to get sick
Scarborough: ha ha this bill will elect Republicans ha ha
Gregory: Obama says this bill takes on the insurance companies
Moulitsas: well sure but we need to crush the insurers - they are evil
Gregory: Kos isn’t passing federal legislation a little more difficult that idealistic liberals think?
Moulitsas: true but insurers spend millions on lobbying and the GOP can’t be reasoned with
Gregory: ok then
Smiley: You need to stand on principle! Screw gradualism or incrementalism! Ain’t gonna
get it done!
Gregory: Ed how do answer the charge that Obama is unpopular?!!?
Gillespie: he’s a socialist!
Gregory: but people hate the GOP too
Gillespie: no I took a poll that said people age 90
and over support the GOP
Gregory: Joe Scar how do answer the charge that people hate liberals?
Scarborough: it’s all these distractions like health care and wars and winning the Nobel prize -
we need jobs! Obama needs to be in Cleveland
not Oslo!
Moulitsas: Obama’s polls are down because he’s
not liberal enough!
Gillespie: no Obama’s radically partisan and not Republican enough!
Moulitsas: this nation hates Republicans
Gillespie: we’ll see about that Daily
Moulitsas: my name is Markos
Smiley: You have to stand on principle! Keep your eye on the ball! Jobs jobs jobs!
Gregory: Joe Obama is a total failure - Scar how does he turn it around
Scarborough: he needs to reach out to Republicans and crush the teachers unions and tell Henry Waxman to fuck off
Gregory: that makes perfect sense if you are ingesting large amounts of mind altering drugs
Scarborough: ha [ sniffs glue ]
Scarborough: ha ha when has he reached out to Republicans like the U.S. Constitution requires??
Moulitsas: the base is disenchanted - but the way
to get bloggers really excited bloggers is regulatory reform
Gregory: you’re a nerd
Moulitsas: blog power!
*****************
This Week With George Stephanopoulos - December 20, 2009
Guests:
David Axelrod - White House Senior Advisor
Sen. John Kyl - (R-Arizona)
***************************
Stephanopoulos: speaking of your health care victory 6 hours ago - Republicans says it is already a failure because they don’t like it
Axelrod: that is shocking
Stephanopoulos: isn’t it terrible to pass a bill
without a single vote from members of a party everyone hates?
Axelrod: no it’s a good bill and we will pass it without the votes of the party which thinks Obama was born a muslim-Kenya witch doctor in Indonesia
Stephanopoulos: but this is a faith based bill
Axelrod: no 60 senators support the bill representing most of the country - plus this law
will help people with preexisting conditions and many others without health insurance
Stephanopoulos: Nelson and Holy Joe will fillybuster the bill if does any good for anyone beside rich evil insurers
Axelrod: that’s true but Nelson can be bribed
and Holy Joe can be reasoned with
Stephanopoulos: really?
Axelrod: no actually he’s a slimy fucker
Stephanopoulos: you are going to raise
taxes on Cadillacs!
Axelrod: also Yugos
Stephanopoulos: will this bill ban abortion
or make it mandatory?
Axelrod: the compromise is that women who want an abortion will have to drive really far to get one and we thinks that’s fair
Stephanopoulos: what about Stupak?
Axelrod: fuck him
Stephanopoulos: you called Howard Dean insane
Axelrod: well I’m not a psychiatrist but he is
pretty weird
Stephanopoulos: but liberals gave up everything and Nelson got whatever he wanted
Axelrod: it’s true but we needed the 60 votes
Stephanopoulos: liberals don’t want to hear
excuses about math - they want results
Axelrod: yes I noticed that
Axelrod: look I hear what Howard Dean is saying but this bill helps millions of people so it would be bad to kill it
Stephanopoulos: is Iran about to nuke Kansas?
Axelrod: maybe
Stephanopoulos: what are you going to do about it?
Axelrod: we are going work in Iran to sow divisions within both liberals and conservatives so nothing can ever get done
Stephanopoulos: can you really do that?
Axelrod: we did it in the U.S. so we can do it there
Stephanopoulos: Kyl is this bill evil?
Kyl: the American people are very much against
this bill unveiled 24 hours ago so we must not allow it to pass
Stephanopoulos: I see
Kyl: also the fuckers in Nebraska get this for free - no fair
Stephanopoulos: why do you hate Nebraska?
Kyl: Hey George - why do six different states border Nebraska?
Stephanopoulos: I don’t know
Kyl: Nebraska sucks
Stephanopoulos: ha good one
Stephanopoulos: Dick what about all the charge
that no one has seen this bill?
Durbin: jesus fuck they read the entire bill on
the floor yesterday
Kyl: yeah but that was during “Jersey Shore” marathon so no one in the Republican caucus was watching
Stephanopoulos: Kyl the CBO says it will lower the debt and will cover 30 million people - who wouldn’t support that??
Kyl: yeah but that still leaves 20 million uninsured
Stephanopoulos: oh I forgot you were insane
Kyl: also insurance premiums will still go up
and also people will still get sick
Durbin: jesus what sick lying fucker you are
Stephanopoulos: Dick will you commit to voting Republican if you have not eliminated illness
by 2015?
Durbin: this covers 94% of Americans!
Kyl: the liberals broke a truce that the GOP would pretend to be against abortion except for their own daughters and liberals would pretend to protect poor women without doing anything for them
Durbin: hey we still give free money to the Catholic church so they should shut the fuck up
Stephanopoulos: what about the looming threat
of global warming?
Durbin: the wily Chinese are taking all our green jobs - the jolly green giant is being replaced by Godzilla!
Kyl: I’m against sending China money
Stephanopoulos: you really are a weirdo
****************
David Axelrod - White House Senior Advisor
Sen. John Kyl - (R-Arizona)
***************************
Stephanopoulos: speaking of your health care victory 6 hours ago - Republicans says it is already a failure because they don’t like it
Axelrod: that is shocking
Stephanopoulos: isn’t it terrible to pass a bill
without a single vote from members of a party everyone hates?
Axelrod: no it’s a good bill and we will pass it without the votes of the party which thinks Obama was born a muslim-Kenya witch doctor in Indonesia
Stephanopoulos: but this is a faith based bill
Axelrod: no 60 senators support the bill representing most of the country - plus this law
will help people with preexisting conditions and many others without health insurance
Stephanopoulos: Nelson and Holy Joe will fillybuster the bill if does any good for anyone beside rich evil insurers
Axelrod: that’s true but Nelson can be bribed
and Holy Joe can be reasoned with
Stephanopoulos: really?
Axelrod: no actually he’s a slimy fucker
Stephanopoulos: you are going to raise
taxes on Cadillacs!
Axelrod: also Yugos
Stephanopoulos: will this bill ban abortion
or make it mandatory?
Axelrod: the compromise is that women who want an abortion will have to drive really far to get one and we thinks that’s fair
Stephanopoulos: what about Stupak?
Axelrod: fuck him
Stephanopoulos: you called Howard Dean insane
Axelrod: well I’m not a psychiatrist but he is
pretty weird
Stephanopoulos: but liberals gave up everything and Nelson got whatever he wanted
Axelrod: it’s true but we needed the 60 votes
Stephanopoulos: liberals don’t want to hear
excuses about math - they want results
Axelrod: yes I noticed that
Axelrod: look I hear what Howard Dean is saying but this bill helps millions of people so it would be bad to kill it
Stephanopoulos: is Iran about to nuke Kansas?
Axelrod: maybe
Stephanopoulos: what are you going to do about it?
Axelrod: we are going work in Iran to sow divisions within both liberals and conservatives so nothing can ever get done
Stephanopoulos: can you really do that?
Axelrod: we did it in the U.S. so we can do it there
Stephanopoulos: Kyl is this bill evil?
Kyl: the American people are very much against
this bill unveiled 24 hours ago so we must not allow it to pass
Stephanopoulos: I see
Kyl: also the fuckers in Nebraska get this for free - no fair
Stephanopoulos: why do you hate Nebraska?
Kyl: Hey George - why do six different states border Nebraska?
Stephanopoulos: I don’t know
Kyl: Nebraska sucks
Stephanopoulos: ha good one
Stephanopoulos: Dick what about all the charge
that no one has seen this bill?
Durbin: jesus fuck they read the entire bill on
the floor yesterday
Kyl: yeah but that was during “Jersey Shore” marathon so no one in the Republican caucus was watching
Stephanopoulos: Kyl the CBO says it will lower the debt and will cover 30 million people - who wouldn’t support that??
Kyl: yeah but that still leaves 20 million uninsured
Stephanopoulos: oh I forgot you were insane
Kyl: also insurance premiums will still go up
and also people will still get sick
Durbin: jesus what sick lying fucker you are
Stephanopoulos: Dick will you commit to voting Republican if you have not eliminated illness
by 2015?
Durbin: this covers 94% of Americans!
Kyl: the liberals broke a truce that the GOP would pretend to be against abortion except for their own daughters and liberals would pretend to protect poor women without doing anything for them
Durbin: hey we still give free money to the Catholic church so they should shut the fuck up
Stephanopoulos: what about the looming threat
of global warming?
Durbin: the wily Chinese are taking all our green jobs - the jolly green giant is being replaced by Godzilla!
Kyl: I’m against sending China money
Stephanopoulos: you really are a weirdo
****************
Sunday, December 13, 2009
60 Minutes - Interview with Barack Obama - December 13, 2009
60 Minutes
Guest:
President Barack Obama
December 13, 2009
*********************
Kroft: Was it the most difficult decision you’ve made to invade a nation in asia
Obama: yes it’s sad
Kroft: but in your speech you didn’t weep and cheerlead and promise victory
Obama: actually that was me being emotional
Kroft: wow cause you seemed like a detached vulcan
Obama: we’ve had a little too much cheerleading and touchdown dancing by certain Presidents lately
Kroft: you staked your presidency on taking over a mountainous nation of religious wackos
Obama: that and bailing out the big banks and also I’m black
Kroft: some say you confused people
Obama: no not all
Kroft: but you surge troops only to pull troops out?
Obama: it makes perfect sense because we will stay until we leave
Kroft: but I’m easily confused - when are we leaving again? - cause I we have leave now that we have a black democratic president
Obama: we’re leaving when the Afghan government asks us to leave
Kroft: President McCain says we need to kill more people
Obama: fine I told the President we will kill all al-qaeda
Kroft: I heard most al-qaeda left and went to Pakistan and New Jersey
Obama: no some are in Bali
Kroft: damm they are in some nice places
Obama: so true
Kroft: the British in 1776 and American in ‘Nam lost wars because Empires are tiring and sucky and after all you are a negro
Obama: fuck that - this time we will win
Kroft: but Afghanistan is a government of corrupt organized criminals
Obama: [ laughs ]
Dude I have to ally myself up with these pseudo-elected crooks to get anything done
Kroft: let’s talk about Congress
Obama: I already am
Kroft: what about the bailouts of big Wall Street?
Obama: I didn’t run for office to bail out big banks - I ran to make love to a black women in the Lincoln Bedroom
Kroft: Jefferson beat you to it
Obama: these fucking Wall Street banks don’t fucking get it
Kroft: I thought you were going to reform system but then let Congress pass a horrible 2,000 page bill that is-
Obama: what?
Kroft: some say it is evil and incomprehensible
Obama: jesus chirst you are such a dick
Kroft: are you going to be involved in the legislative process
Obama: I have been the whole time asshole
Kroft: gate crashers!
Obama: oh thank god a substantive question
Kroft: were you angry at your black social secretary?
Obama: let me put it this way - I looked at her like I’m looking at you now
Kroft: Ooooh
***********************
Guest:
President Barack Obama
December 13, 2009
*********************
Kroft: Was it the most difficult decision you’ve made to invade a nation in asia
Obama: yes it’s sad
Kroft: but in your speech you didn’t weep and cheerlead and promise victory
Obama: actually that was me being emotional
Kroft: wow cause you seemed like a detached vulcan
Obama: we’ve had a little too much cheerleading and touchdown dancing by certain Presidents lately
Kroft: you staked your presidency on taking over a mountainous nation of religious wackos
Obama: that and bailing out the big banks and also I’m black
Kroft: some say you confused people
Obama: no not all
Kroft: but you surge troops only to pull troops out?
Obama: it makes perfect sense because we will stay until we leave
Kroft: but I’m easily confused - when are we leaving again? - cause I we have leave now that we have a black democratic president
Obama: we’re leaving when the Afghan government asks us to leave
Kroft: President McCain says we need to kill more people
Obama: fine I told the President we will kill all al-qaeda
Kroft: I heard most al-qaeda left and went to Pakistan and New Jersey
Obama: no some are in Bali
Kroft: damm they are in some nice places
Obama: so true
Kroft: the British in 1776 and American in ‘Nam lost wars because Empires are tiring and sucky and after all you are a negro
Obama: fuck that - this time we will win
Kroft: but Afghanistan is a government of corrupt organized criminals
Obama: [ laughs ]
Dude I have to ally myself up with these pseudo-elected crooks to get anything done
Kroft: let’s talk about Congress
Obama: I already am
Kroft: what about the bailouts of big Wall Street?
Obama: I didn’t run for office to bail out big banks - I ran to make love to a black women in the Lincoln Bedroom
Kroft: Jefferson beat you to it
Obama: these fucking Wall Street banks don’t fucking get it
Kroft: I thought you were going to reform system but then let Congress pass a horrible 2,000 page bill that is-
Obama: what?
Kroft: some say it is evil and incomprehensible
Obama: jesus chirst you are such a dick
Kroft: are you going to be involved in the legislative process
Obama: I have been the whole time asshole
Kroft: gate crashers!
Obama: oh thank god a substantive question
Kroft: were you angry at your black social secretary?
Obama: let me put it this way - I looked at her like I’m looking at you now
Kroft: Ooooh
***********************
Meet the Press - December 13, 2009
Guests:
Jennifer Granholm - Gov. of Michigan
Christina Romer - Chair, White House Council
of Economic Advisors
Mitt Romney
Alan Greenspan
Jim Cramer
************************
Gregory: Obama says Wall Street screwed
over the nation
Romer: yeah pretty much
Gregory: so is the U.S. fucked?
Romer: we were but things are turning around
Gregory: would financial reforms have prevented
the major meltdown?
Romer: that’s the point behind the new laws
Gregory: but answer my hypothetical question!
Romer: are you some kind of idiot?
Gregory: Obama says Wall Street doesn’t get it
Romer: they don’t - unless by ‘it’ you mean free government money in which case they do
Gregory: but Wall Street creates jobs on Main street - why punish them?
Romer: because they’re total fucktards
Gregory: But doesn’t Obama want Goldman Sachs to make money so it can trickle down to the
little people?
Romer: calm down Fluffy
Gregory: how long is this recession going to last?
Romer: we’ll go up and down for a while
Gregory: is the recession over?
Romer: no it will be over when Obama is reelected and we have secure jobs
Gregory: why didn’t Obama declare War on Unemployment
Romer: Greggers we immediately passed the
biggest stimulus in the history of the nation
Gregory: but the stimulus failed
Romer: I don’t have crystal balls
Gregory: I think Mitt Romney has those
Gregory: you said we should have a
$1.2 trillion stimulus
Romer: yeah well I was proven fucking right
Gregory: but shouldn’t have it been bigger?
Romer: it was the best we could get from the assholes in Congress
Gregory: the L.A. Times says we have to cut the deficit first
Romer: ah morons abound
Gregory: so Obama doesn’t care about stealing
from our children?
Romer: recovery is the only way to cut the deficit
Gregory: so you will raise taxes, increase the debt and kill America
Romer: 1 in 10 of Americans are unemployed dancing dave!
Gregory: so how do you pay for it??
Romer: you borrow money in a recession you fool
Gregory: so how will we know when it’s over
Romer: when unemployment is at 5%
Gregory: Ok
Romer: hey you’ve held this job for a year
which amazes me
[break]
Gregory: Alan no offense but I get mixed messages from the White House
Greenspan: the bad news is we’re at the bottom but the good news is I’m a bottom
Gregory: Jenny 8,675,309
Granholm: what?
Gregory: that’s the number of jobs Michigan has lost
Granholm: it would have been much worse without Obama’s efforts
Romney: the economy is growing but the stimulus failed and killed jobs
Gregory: some would say that Romney is partisan yet some would say the sun shines out of his ass
Cramer: right
Gregory: some would say Obama is a failure but on the other hand the Republicans had a lot of great ideas like a payroll tax holiday
Cramer: where’s the money!?
Gregory: some would say Reagan was a great President - how do answer this charge Ayn Greenspan?
Greenspan: we did that by wearing onions on
our belts which was the style at the time
Gregory: what jobs will we create - I mean we suck
at everything
Granholm: we’ll make solar panels - we’ll aim them
at Mitt Romny’s ass
Romney: Let’s take the stimulus bill and use that money to allow business to deduct taxes and let’s take wasted TARP money and use the money being returned from banks to give that to banks
Cramer: business are hiring in Brazil and Russia because businesses have successfully captured the governments there
Gregory: [ high pitched voice ]
a lot of people say the U.S. has no commitment to capitalism and businesses are terrified of government!
Greenspan: banks have lots of money - they just won’t lend it because most small businesses would
lose it
Gregory: the President attacks Wall Street which
is the Happiest Place on Earth - why is he doing that???
[ starts sobbing ]
Granholm: our auto companies would love start making good cars but they need loans to stop manufacturing junk
Gregory: maybe American products just suck
Romney: the problem is people are terrified of financial rules and possible good health care
and so of course make crap
Gregory: Krugman says unemployment is bad
Greenspan: sorry the Fed has done all it could possibly do - TARP was very necessary but inflation is scary so people should just eat apple cores
Gregory: what about Fed independence?
Greenspan: Oh I think it’s terrible that Congress would threaten it
Gregory: like when you shilled for the Bush
tax cuts?
Greenspan: I like pudding!
Gregory: Mitt how do you answer
the charge that Obama is soft on evil?
Romney: [ rebooting ]
Cramer: hey we have to raise taxes to pay
for our wars
Romney: we can pay for wars and lower taxes
- all we have to do cut pay for government workers who make much more money than people in the private sector
Gregory: where will unemployment be next year?
Greenspan: much lower, luckily because of
census employment
Gregory: that’s government
Greenspan: naptime!
Gregory: should we raise interest rates?
Greenspan: we should change rates to 5 bees
for a dollar
Granholm: we can’t be all doom and gloom
- I mean at least we all have jobs
Greenspan: not me
Granholm: be quiet or I’ll put you in place we saw on “America’s Worst Nursing Homes”
Greenspan: I’ll be good
Gregory: ok that’s the final word
*******************
Jennifer Granholm - Gov. of Michigan
Christina Romer - Chair, White House Council
of Economic Advisors
Mitt Romney
Alan Greenspan
Jim Cramer
************************
Gregory: Obama says Wall Street screwed
over the nation
Romer: yeah pretty much
Gregory: so is the U.S. fucked?
Romer: we were but things are turning around
Gregory: would financial reforms have prevented
the major meltdown?
Romer: that’s the point behind the new laws
Gregory: but answer my hypothetical question!
Romer: are you some kind of idiot?
Gregory: Obama says Wall Street doesn’t get it
Romer: they don’t - unless by ‘it’ you mean free government money in which case they do
Gregory: but Wall Street creates jobs on Main street - why punish them?
Romer: because they’re total fucktards
Gregory: But doesn’t Obama want Goldman Sachs to make money so it can trickle down to the
little people?
Romer: calm down Fluffy
Gregory: how long is this recession going to last?
Romer: we’ll go up and down for a while
Gregory: is the recession over?
Romer: no it will be over when Obama is reelected and we have secure jobs
Gregory: why didn’t Obama declare War on Unemployment
Romer: Greggers we immediately passed the
biggest stimulus in the history of the nation
Gregory: but the stimulus failed
Romer: I don’t have crystal balls
Gregory: I think Mitt Romney has those
Gregory: you said we should have a
$1.2 trillion stimulus
Romer: yeah well I was proven fucking right
Gregory: but shouldn’t have it been bigger?
Romer: it was the best we could get from the assholes in Congress
Gregory: the L.A. Times says we have to cut the deficit first
Romer: ah morons abound
Gregory: so Obama doesn’t care about stealing
from our children?
Romer: recovery is the only way to cut the deficit
Gregory: so you will raise taxes, increase the debt and kill America
Romer: 1 in 10 of Americans are unemployed dancing dave!
Gregory: so how do you pay for it??
Romer: you borrow money in a recession you fool
Gregory: so how will we know when it’s over
Romer: when unemployment is at 5%
Gregory: Ok
Romer: hey you’ve held this job for a year
which amazes me
[break]
Gregory: Alan no offense but I get mixed messages from the White House
Greenspan: the bad news is we’re at the bottom but the good news is I’m a bottom
Gregory: Jenny 8,675,309
Granholm: what?
Gregory: that’s the number of jobs Michigan has lost
Granholm: it would have been much worse without Obama’s efforts
Romney: the economy is growing but the stimulus failed and killed jobs
Gregory: some would say that Romney is partisan yet some would say the sun shines out of his ass
Cramer: right
Gregory: some would say Obama is a failure but on the other hand the Republicans had a lot of great ideas like a payroll tax holiday
Cramer: where’s the money!?
Gregory: some would say Reagan was a great President - how do answer this charge Ayn Greenspan?
Greenspan: we did that by wearing onions on
our belts which was the style at the time
Gregory: what jobs will we create - I mean we suck
at everything
Granholm: we’ll make solar panels - we’ll aim them
at Mitt Romny’s ass
Romney: Let’s take the stimulus bill and use that money to allow business to deduct taxes and let’s take wasted TARP money and use the money being returned from banks to give that to banks
Cramer: business are hiring in Brazil and Russia because businesses have successfully captured the governments there
Gregory: [ high pitched voice ]
a lot of people say the U.S. has no commitment to capitalism and businesses are terrified of government!
Greenspan: banks have lots of money - they just won’t lend it because most small businesses would
lose it
Gregory: the President attacks Wall Street which
is the Happiest Place on Earth - why is he doing that???
[ starts sobbing ]
Granholm: our auto companies would love start making good cars but they need loans to stop manufacturing junk
Gregory: maybe American products just suck
Romney: the problem is people are terrified of financial rules and possible good health care
and so of course make crap
Gregory: Krugman says unemployment is bad
Greenspan: sorry the Fed has done all it could possibly do - TARP was very necessary but inflation is scary so people should just eat apple cores
Gregory: what about Fed independence?
Greenspan: Oh I think it’s terrible that Congress would threaten it
Gregory: like when you shilled for the Bush
tax cuts?
Greenspan: I like pudding!
Gregory: Mitt how do you answer
the charge that Obama is soft on evil?
Romney: [ rebooting ]
Cramer: hey we have to raise taxes to pay
for our wars
Romney: we can pay for wars and lower taxes
- all we have to do cut pay for government workers who make much more money than people in the private sector
Gregory: where will unemployment be next year?
Greenspan: much lower, luckily because of
census employment
Gregory: that’s government
Greenspan: naptime!
Gregory: should we raise interest rates?
Greenspan: we should change rates to 5 bees
for a dollar
Granholm: we can’t be all doom and gloom
- I mean at least we all have jobs
Greenspan: not me
Granholm: be quiet or I’ll put you in place we saw on “America’s Worst Nursing Homes”
Greenspan: I’ll be good
Gregory: ok that’s the final word
*******************
This Week With George Stephanopoulos - December 13, 2009
Guests:
Larry Summers
Rep. Eric Cantor
John Podesta
Ed Gillespie
Arianna Huffington
April Ryan
***************************
Stephanopoulos: Larry the economy is total disaster and John McCain’s economist says you’re a loser
Summers: look we prevented a Depression and
you know these things happen in stages, first you have a New Deal then another Depression and then a World War
Stephanopoulos: Is Obama working hard on
making all that happen?
Summers: yes he is
Stephanopoulos: so when does the U.S. economy go from being Fucked Up to merely Pretty Shitty?
Summers: we see Quite Crappy spring followed
by a Sucky Summer
Stephanopoulos: are we going to have a second stimulus?
Summers: don’t focus so much on how much
we spend George the best things in life a free - like strongly worded letters sent to banks telling them
to lend
Stephanopoulos: but you’re spending so much money boosting the economy just because we
are in an economic crisis!
Summers: you know nothing about math George - it’s like talking a woman!
Stephanopoulos: oooh
Summers: we’re spending on infrastructure and health care
Stephanopoulos: speaking of that how can the President possibly sign a bill that spends money
to save people’s lives - I mean it’s shocking
Summers: that’s true but we are going to tell
people get preventive health care which is very conservative
Stephanopoulos: but the debt!
Summers: we will reduce the deficit by taxing Cadillacs
Stephanopoulos: I don’t care about that - I just
want you to say you will cut the debt, deficit, health care costs and make me taller
Summers: Done done and done
Stephanopoulos: will you make banks lend or not?
Summers: the American people bailed out the
big banks and Obama is going to have a serious
talk with them and tell them to please pull their heads out of their fucking asses
Stephanopoulos: how about that Eric?
Cantor: the real problem is that there is too much regulation of banks - who get then mad and refuse
to lend money to small businesses
Stephanopoulos: Obama says the GOP is captured by financial lobbyists
Cantor: we couldn’t support the financial reform bill because it had no bipartisan support
Stephanopoulos: um what
Cantor: Washington activism scare investors so they just put all their money under the mattress
Stephanopoulos: because you always say no to whatever Obama does - does that mean he gets the credit when it turns around like it always does when Dems are in charge?
Cantor: no because Obama is a big spending wacko
Stephanopoulos: you mean like Reagan, Bush I
and Bush II
Cantor: right crazy liberals like them
[break]
Stephanopoulos: George why does the economy suck?
Will: because businesses can never know if government will change the rules so they won’t
lend money
Stephanopoulos: but government can always
change laws
Will: not if businesses control government
like they should
Podesta: Obama should urge bankers
to lend money?
Huffington: fuck that shit - take away their toys
and they will start fucking lending
Stephanopoulos: Summers says the economy is turning around because he has a nice car
Huffington: fuck that sexist dipshit
Ryan: black teens are unemployed - if only we
had a black president
Stephanopoulos: the deficit!
Gillespie: people refuse to invest because they
need certainty
Stephanopoulos: what does that mean ‘certainty’ ?
Gillespie: just let businesses write all the rules
Huffington: oh fuck you all - Larry Summers is
a lazy fat fuck
Will: the American people understand that the only way to create jobs is low taxes and no rules
Podesta: good god - we put the GOP charge we
had a fucking Depression
Gillespie: [smirking ]
no the Bush economy was a great success
Podesta: [ smacks forehead ]
***************
Larry Summers
Rep. Eric Cantor
John Podesta
Ed Gillespie
Arianna Huffington
April Ryan
***************************
Stephanopoulos: Larry the economy is total disaster and John McCain’s economist says you’re a loser
Summers: look we prevented a Depression and
you know these things happen in stages, first you have a New Deal then another Depression and then a World War
Stephanopoulos: Is Obama working hard on
making all that happen?
Summers: yes he is
Stephanopoulos: so when does the U.S. economy go from being Fucked Up to merely Pretty Shitty?
Summers: we see Quite Crappy spring followed
by a Sucky Summer
Stephanopoulos: are we going to have a second stimulus?
Summers: don’t focus so much on how much
we spend George the best things in life a free - like strongly worded letters sent to banks telling them
to lend
Stephanopoulos: but you’re spending so much money boosting the economy just because we
are in an economic crisis!
Summers: you know nothing about math George - it’s like talking a woman!
Stephanopoulos: oooh
Summers: we’re spending on infrastructure and health care
Stephanopoulos: speaking of that how can the President possibly sign a bill that spends money
to save people’s lives - I mean it’s shocking
Summers: that’s true but we are going to tell
people get preventive health care which is very conservative
Stephanopoulos: but the debt!
Summers: we will reduce the deficit by taxing Cadillacs
Stephanopoulos: I don’t care about that - I just
want you to say you will cut the debt, deficit, health care costs and make me taller
Summers: Done done and done
Stephanopoulos: will you make banks lend or not?
Summers: the American people bailed out the
big banks and Obama is going to have a serious
talk with them and tell them to please pull their heads out of their fucking asses
Stephanopoulos: how about that Eric?
Cantor: the real problem is that there is too much regulation of banks - who get then mad and refuse
to lend money to small businesses
Stephanopoulos: Obama says the GOP is captured by financial lobbyists
Cantor: we couldn’t support the financial reform bill because it had no bipartisan support
Stephanopoulos: um what
Cantor: Washington activism scare investors so they just put all their money under the mattress
Stephanopoulos: because you always say no to whatever Obama does - does that mean he gets the credit when it turns around like it always does when Dems are in charge?
Cantor: no because Obama is a big spending wacko
Stephanopoulos: you mean like Reagan, Bush I
and Bush II
Cantor: right crazy liberals like them
[break]
Stephanopoulos: George why does the economy suck?
Will: because businesses can never know if government will change the rules so they won’t
lend money
Stephanopoulos: but government can always
change laws
Will: not if businesses control government
like they should
Podesta: Obama should urge bankers
to lend money?
Huffington: fuck that shit - take away their toys
and they will start fucking lending
Stephanopoulos: Summers says the economy is turning around because he has a nice car
Huffington: fuck that sexist dipshit
Ryan: black teens are unemployed - if only we
had a black president
Stephanopoulos: the deficit!
Gillespie: people refuse to invest because they
need certainty
Stephanopoulos: what does that mean ‘certainty’ ?
Gillespie: just let businesses write all the rules
Huffington: oh fuck you all - Larry Summers is
a lazy fat fuck
Will: the American people understand that the only way to create jobs is low taxes and no rules
Podesta: good god - we put the GOP charge we
had a fucking Depression
Gillespie: [smirking ]
no the Bush economy was a great success
Podesta: [ smacks forehead ]
***************
Sunday, December 06, 2009
Meet The Press - December 6, 2009
December 6, 2009
Guests:
Sec. Hillary Clinton
Sec. Bob Gates
Sen. John McCain
Tom Friedman
Bob Woodward
************************
Gregory: Welcome Secretaries to meet the press
Gates: rock on
Clinton: hey-o
Gregory: so are we finally leaving Afghanistan
or what?
Gates: we are beginning to thin our forces
Gregory: so fewer troops over time
Gates: no we’re just feeding them less
Gregory: does a deadline give our enemies a
green light to bide their time and then attack
us after we leave?
Clinton: no because this deadline is to tell
the Afghans to get off their asses and take
over their own country
Gregory: but this is a signal of weakness!
Gates: Calm down Fluffy - how can we ever
leave without planning on leaving?
Gregory: we could just leave unannounced
one night like my relatives when they come for Thanksgiving
Clinton: Look Greggers George W. Bush lost the Afghan war and we’re finally going to send the Marines and kick Afghan ass
Gregory: Bob is it true that George Bush refused
to send reinforcements to Afghanistan?
Gates: yes - Bush wanted to send all out troops to Ukraine and Australia
Gregory: that’s Risk
Gates: tell me about it
Gregory: are we finally downsizing the War on Terror and upping the War on Panic?
Clinton: not at all - we’re never leaving Afghanistan but we’re putting civilians there instead
Gregory: But Dick Cheney says Obama is weak
and we must kill all bad guys!!
Clinton: I recently got a PDB: “David Gregory Determined to Remain a Moron”
Gates: I helped write that
Clinton: awesome
Gates: Osama bin Laden is only one who wants
us to stay there forever
Gregory: and Cheney
Gates: well of course
Gregory: so when are leaving so I can accuse
you of surrendering
Gates: eleventy-never
Gregory: When will you go after the Baddest
of the Bad
Clinton: I don’t know anything about Tiger Woods
Gregory: Don’t you have to kill Osama bin Laden?
Clinton: I’ll strangle him myself if I have to
Gregory: isn’t this a quagmire just like when the USSR invaded?
Gates: no not at all we just have a lot of troops attempting to impose a government in Afghanistan going house to house to eliminate any domestic opposition to our invasion
Gregory: right
Gregory: But Tom Hayden says this is immoral!
Clinton: let’s not bicker about who invaded who - good grief we’ve got kids planting fucking seeds!
Gregory: but I just realized this invasion is
so expensive!
Clinton: who gives a fuck - this is war!
Gregory: Is failure an option in Afghanistan?
Gates: Seriously, he can’t be this stupid can
he Hillary?
Clinton: no Bob he really is
Gates: Fascinating
[ break ]
Gregory: Should we ever withdraw from Afghanistan?
McCain: first let me say casualties will go up and many more young people will be killed and therefore I strongly support the decision
Gregory: of course
McCain: Afghanistan, India, Iraq and Pakistan are
all now panicking because we might end our occupation of that region and boy do they hate that
Gregory: what’s your answer?
McCain: we must stop Al-Qaeda from looking at their watches by taking away their arms
Gregory: their weapons?
McCain: no their actual arms - and legs if necessary
Gregory: but that’s a forever war!
McCain: no the goal of all war is to break the enemy’s will
Gregory: oh that’s right - you’re fucking crazy
McCain: we must crush the people psychologically
Gregory: the people are so depressed they veer between being suicidal and engaging in wholescale revolution
McCain: the Afghan people are not there yet
Gregory: I was talking about America
McCain: kill! kill kill!
Gregory: Karzai is corrupt - why should we commit ourselves there?!
McCain: because Maliki was ineffective in Iraq
until we started killing on his behalf
Gregory: um what?
McCain: nothing succeeds like success - we just have kill more people and then the Afghan government will be really popular!
Gregory: can we catch Osama?
McCain: the bad news is we can’t catch him but the good news is al-qaeda will attack us anyway
Gregory: is Obama surrending the war on terror?
McCain: you are an idiot
Gregory: but the message of weakness!
McCain: taking to time to think about our policy didn’t help our enemies
Gregory: is the stimulus working?
McCain: no
Gregory: really?
McCain: well maybe it did
Gregory: I don’t understand
McCain: Generational Theft!
Gregory: Health care public option?
McCain: I hope the American people will reject Medicare, Medicare, Veteran’s health and what
all Congressmen get
Gregory: tell me about Sarah Palin
McCain: I am very entertained when I see
her attacked
Gregory: she thinks you’re an senile fool
McCain: Todd lent me his silk underwear so
we’re friends now
[break]
Gregory: Tom you’re a bloodthirsty maniac
- tell me about Afghanistan
Friedman: the key issue is that our chief ally Karzai is corrupt and so we must fight him so we can then support him
Woodward: the good news is Obama has pleased the Village which loves good war
Gregory: will Pakistan attack the Baddest of
the Bad guys?
Friedman: there is only one indicator of success
- if I sell more books
Gregory: that’s all?
Friedman: The Afghans have to want to destroy
their country more than we do
Gregory: doesn’t a withdrawal giving the enemy
an advantage?
Woodward: [ laughs in Gregory’s face ]
man you’re dumb
Friedman: we need to encourage a bloody civil war in Islam
Gregory: wow - you’re still crazy after all these years
Friedman: those fucking muslims make just want to bomb all of them
Woodward: we should smoke bad cigarettes and use toilets with Afghans
Audience: truly a meeting of the minds this morning
Gregory: Obama said failure is an option
Friedman: we should impose a gasoline tax now that a Democrat is President
Woodward: what they are really saying is let’s see what happens on the ground
Gregory: oh really
Woodward: but then there could be another horrible attack on America which would change everything
Gregory: we can only hope
***************
Guests:
Sec. Hillary Clinton
Sec. Bob Gates
Sen. John McCain
Tom Friedman
Bob Woodward
************************
Gregory: Welcome Secretaries to meet the press
Gates: rock on
Clinton: hey-o
Gregory: so are we finally leaving Afghanistan
or what?
Gates: we are beginning to thin our forces
Gregory: so fewer troops over time
Gates: no we’re just feeding them less
Gregory: does a deadline give our enemies a
green light to bide their time and then attack
us after we leave?
Clinton: no because this deadline is to tell
the Afghans to get off their asses and take
over their own country
Gregory: but this is a signal of weakness!
Gates: Calm down Fluffy - how can we ever
leave without planning on leaving?
Gregory: we could just leave unannounced
one night like my relatives when they come for Thanksgiving
Clinton: Look Greggers George W. Bush lost the Afghan war and we’re finally going to send the Marines and kick Afghan ass
Gregory: Bob is it true that George Bush refused
to send reinforcements to Afghanistan?
Gates: yes - Bush wanted to send all out troops to Ukraine and Australia
Gregory: that’s Risk
Gates: tell me about it
Gregory: are we finally downsizing the War on Terror and upping the War on Panic?
Clinton: not at all - we’re never leaving Afghanistan but we’re putting civilians there instead
Gregory: But Dick Cheney says Obama is weak
and we must kill all bad guys!!
Clinton: I recently got a PDB: “David Gregory Determined to Remain a Moron”
Gates: I helped write that
Clinton: awesome
Gates: Osama bin Laden is only one who wants
us to stay there forever
Gregory: and Cheney
Gates: well of course
Gregory: so when are leaving so I can accuse
you of surrendering
Gates: eleventy-never
Gregory: When will you go after the Baddest
of the Bad
Clinton: I don’t know anything about Tiger Woods
Gregory: Don’t you have to kill Osama bin Laden?
Clinton: I’ll strangle him myself if I have to
Gregory: isn’t this a quagmire just like when the USSR invaded?
Gates: no not at all we just have a lot of troops attempting to impose a government in Afghanistan going house to house to eliminate any domestic opposition to our invasion
Gregory: right
Gregory: But Tom Hayden says this is immoral!
Clinton: let’s not bicker about who invaded who - good grief we’ve got kids planting fucking seeds!
Gregory: but I just realized this invasion is
so expensive!
Clinton: who gives a fuck - this is war!
Gregory: Is failure an option in Afghanistan?
Gates: Seriously, he can’t be this stupid can
he Hillary?
Clinton: no Bob he really is
Gates: Fascinating
[ break ]
Gregory: Should we ever withdraw from Afghanistan?
McCain: first let me say casualties will go up and many more young people will be killed and therefore I strongly support the decision
Gregory: of course
McCain: Afghanistan, India, Iraq and Pakistan are
all now panicking because we might end our occupation of that region and boy do they hate that
Gregory: what’s your answer?
McCain: we must stop Al-Qaeda from looking at their watches by taking away their arms
Gregory: their weapons?
McCain: no their actual arms - and legs if necessary
Gregory: but that’s a forever war!
McCain: no the goal of all war is to break the enemy’s will
Gregory: oh that’s right - you’re fucking crazy
McCain: we must crush the people psychologically
Gregory: the people are so depressed they veer between being suicidal and engaging in wholescale revolution
McCain: the Afghan people are not there yet
Gregory: I was talking about America
McCain: kill! kill kill!
Gregory: Karzai is corrupt - why should we commit ourselves there?!
McCain: because Maliki was ineffective in Iraq
until we started killing on his behalf
Gregory: um what?
McCain: nothing succeeds like success - we just have kill more people and then the Afghan government will be really popular!
Gregory: can we catch Osama?
McCain: the bad news is we can’t catch him but the good news is al-qaeda will attack us anyway
Gregory: is Obama surrending the war on terror?
McCain: you are an idiot
Gregory: but the message of weakness!
McCain: taking to time to think about our policy didn’t help our enemies
Gregory: is the stimulus working?
McCain: no
Gregory: really?
McCain: well maybe it did
Gregory: I don’t understand
McCain: Generational Theft!
Gregory: Health care public option?
McCain: I hope the American people will reject Medicare, Medicare, Veteran’s health and what
all Congressmen get
Gregory: tell me about Sarah Palin
McCain: I am very entertained when I see
her attacked
Gregory: she thinks you’re an senile fool
McCain: Todd lent me his silk underwear so
we’re friends now
[break]
Gregory: Tom you’re a bloodthirsty maniac
- tell me about Afghanistan
Friedman: the key issue is that our chief ally Karzai is corrupt and so we must fight him so we can then support him
Woodward: the good news is Obama has pleased the Village which loves good war
Gregory: will Pakistan attack the Baddest of
the Bad guys?
Friedman: there is only one indicator of success
- if I sell more books
Gregory: that’s all?
Friedman: The Afghans have to want to destroy
their country more than we do
Gregory: doesn’t a withdrawal giving the enemy
an advantage?
Woodward: [ laughs in Gregory’s face ]
man you’re dumb
Friedman: we need to encourage a bloody civil war in Islam
Gregory: wow - you’re still crazy after all these years
Friedman: those fucking muslims make just want to bomb all of them
Woodward: we should smoke bad cigarettes and use toilets with Afghans
Audience: truly a meeting of the minds this morning
Gregory: Obama said failure is an option
Friedman: we should impose a gasoline tax now that a Democrat is President
Woodward: what they are really saying is let’s see what happens on the ground
Gregory: oh really
Woodward: but then there could be another horrible attack on America which would change everything
Gregory: we can only hope
***************
This Week with George Stephanopoulos - December 6, 2009
December 6, 2009
Guests:
Sec. Hillary Clinton
Sec. Bob Gates
***************************
Stephanopoulos: Sec. Gates and Clinton thanks for coming - President McCain says we should stay in Afghanistan forever
Gates: this isn’t an exit strategy - it’s a gradual conditions-based get-the-fuck-out-of-that-hellhole-strategy
Stephanopoulos: so when do we leave
Gates: we will bring in the cavalry and they will stand on a hill and watch Afghanistan disintegrate
Stephanopoulos: should we commit troops to Karzai who makes the Godfather look like Mr. Rogers?
Clinton: he may be a corrupt bastard but he’s
our corrupt bastard
Stephanopoulos: ok
Clinton: the proof will be in the pudding
Stephanopoulos: interesting metaphor
Clinton: it’s not a metaphor - that’s where he
hides his bribes
Stephanopoulos: ah
Stephanopoulos: John Kerry points out that Bush and Pakistan let Osama bin Laden get away
Gates: yeah so what
Stephanopoulos: well where is Osama?
Gates: we haven’t received a Christmas
card from him in years
Stephanopoulos: no idea where he is?
Gates: He has been practically invisible for a long long time
Stephanopoulos: He was on Jay Leno twice
last month
Gates: see what I mean
Stephanopoulos: talk Taliban to me
Clinton: they have to renounce violence
and extremism
Stephanopoulos: you can’t even get that
from the Teabaggers
Stephanopoulos: Shouldn’t this war be paid for while we fight it for the first time ever now that a black man is President??
Clinton: the Afghan war will be paid for by not fighting a useless war in Iraq
Stephanopoulos: why spend $30 billion to get 100 Al-Qaeda fighters - you could send them all
to Harvard for that
Gates: yeah but we’re trying to get them away from schools of radical rhetoric
Stephanopoulos: that’s a good point
Stephanopoulos: What’s your best argument for getting further bogged down Afghanistan?
Gates: the mighty Soviet Union was defeated there and it brought down the entire empire and breaking up that nation
Stephanopoulos: well I’m convinced
Stephanopoulos: Sec. Clinton should we
invade Italy?
Clinton: it would be more fun that going in the middle east
Stephanopoulos: Awesome
Stephanopoulos: Don’t we have to defeat Al-Qaeda in Afghanistan or it will destabilize Pakistan and Yemen?
Feingold: no they will all move to Pakistan - rather
we should not be there so they will not leave
Stephanopoulos: so should we leave or go?
Feingold: we should have a rational policy
Stephanopoulos: that’s it?
Feingold: you’d be surprised how controversial
that is in Washington
Stephanopoulos: ok
Feingold: no one would invade Afghanistan in
2009 would they?
Stephanopoulos: but for 9/11
Feingold: but we won when we chased them
into Pakistan
Stephanopoulos: can you stop this surge in Afghanistan?
Feingold: probably not - but we in the U.S. are
out of money
Stephanopoulos: speaking of that - can we afford a public health option?
Feingold: it’s fucking exciting fucker!
Stephanopoulos: Senator your language!
Feingold: sorry dude but the details of public policy get me all hot motherfucker!
Stephanopoulos: ok thanks Russ
**********************
Guests:
Sec. Hillary Clinton
Sec. Bob Gates
***************************
Stephanopoulos: Sec. Gates and Clinton thanks for coming - President McCain says we should stay in Afghanistan forever
Gates: this isn’t an exit strategy - it’s a gradual conditions-based get-the-fuck-out-of-that-hellhole-strategy
Stephanopoulos: so when do we leave
Gates: we will bring in the cavalry and they will stand on a hill and watch Afghanistan disintegrate
Stephanopoulos: should we commit troops to Karzai who makes the Godfather look like Mr. Rogers?
Clinton: he may be a corrupt bastard but he’s
our corrupt bastard
Stephanopoulos: ok
Clinton: the proof will be in the pudding
Stephanopoulos: interesting metaphor
Clinton: it’s not a metaphor - that’s where he
hides his bribes
Stephanopoulos: ah
Stephanopoulos: John Kerry points out that Bush and Pakistan let Osama bin Laden get away
Gates: yeah so what
Stephanopoulos: well where is Osama?
Gates: we haven’t received a Christmas
card from him in years
Stephanopoulos: no idea where he is?
Gates: He has been practically invisible for a long long time
Stephanopoulos: He was on Jay Leno twice
last month
Gates: see what I mean
Stephanopoulos: talk Taliban to me
Clinton: they have to renounce violence
and extremism
Stephanopoulos: you can’t even get that
from the Teabaggers
Stephanopoulos: Shouldn’t this war be paid for while we fight it for the first time ever now that a black man is President??
Clinton: the Afghan war will be paid for by not fighting a useless war in Iraq
Stephanopoulos: why spend $30 billion to get 100 Al-Qaeda fighters - you could send them all
to Harvard for that
Gates: yeah but we’re trying to get them away from schools of radical rhetoric
Stephanopoulos: that’s a good point
Stephanopoulos: What’s your best argument for getting further bogged down Afghanistan?
Gates: the mighty Soviet Union was defeated there and it brought down the entire empire and breaking up that nation
Stephanopoulos: well I’m convinced
Stephanopoulos: Sec. Clinton should we
invade Italy?
Clinton: it would be more fun that going in the middle east
Stephanopoulos: Awesome
Stephanopoulos: Don’t we have to defeat Al-Qaeda in Afghanistan or it will destabilize Pakistan and Yemen?
Feingold: no they will all move to Pakistan - rather
we should not be there so they will not leave
Stephanopoulos: so should we leave or go?
Feingold: we should have a rational policy
Stephanopoulos: that’s it?
Feingold: you’d be surprised how controversial
that is in Washington
Stephanopoulos: ok
Feingold: no one would invade Afghanistan in
2009 would they?
Stephanopoulos: but for 9/11
Feingold: but we won when we chased them
into Pakistan
Stephanopoulos: can you stop this surge in Afghanistan?
Feingold: probably not - but we in the U.S. are
out of money
Stephanopoulos: speaking of that - can we afford a public health option?
Feingold: it’s fucking exciting fucker!
Stephanopoulos: Senator your language!
Feingold: sorry dude but the details of public policy get me all hot motherfucker!
Stephanopoulos: ok thanks Russ
**********************
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Meet The Press - November 22, 2009
Meet The Press
November 22, 2009
Guests:
Sen. Richard Durbin
Sen. Diane Feinstein
Sen. Joe Lieberman
Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchinson
********************
Gregory: hey Dick amazingly Harry Reid got 60 Dems to vote for something
Durbin: I know it’s crazy - but I still think Ben Nelson will find a way to fuck us
Gregory: Kay didn’t the Democrats fail last night?
Hutchinson: this is a terrible bill that adds to the deficit and we need to start all over and just do
what Republicans want
Gregory: Kay how can we stop this terrible bill?
Hutchinson: wave around pictures of Obama
as a Nazi Witch Doctor
Gregory: the bill raises taxes and kills kittens!
Feinstein: oh can it Fluffy
Gregory: [ high pitched voice ]
But the public option is bad!
Feinstein: the current system sucks and this
helps millions of people Greggers
Gregory: Holy Joe will you stop this bill
Lieberman: I voted for the bill so I could keep my Committee Chairmanships but I must filibuster
the public option
Gregory: why?
Lieberman: a public option will worsen our
current recession because it will add to debt decades from now
Gregory: wow that is bad
Lieberman: it will be very expensive and horrible and also everyone will enroll in it so it undermine the private insurers
Gregory: Holy Joe I have a question - does the Afghan war also have to be deficit neutral too?
Lieberman: oh yes
Gregory: but you voted for the all the wars anyway
Lieberman: because I’m the last honest man
Durbin: the public option is a good fucking
idea dammit
Gregory: ok let me be an advocate for the Republican party here - would be you willing
to drop the option in favor of a trigger?
Durbin: no
Gregory: you say no - but your eyes say yes
Feinstein: I heard you were moron
Gregory: will you pleeeeease vote against
a public option?
Feinstein: calm down Fluffy
Hutchinson: small business health plans
will solve everything
Gregory: and people say I’m a dolt
Gregory: this is higher taxes! And expanded entitlement!
[ looks in mirror, fluffs hair ]
Lieberman: helping poor people costs money - which is the worst thing ever in the history
of America
Gregory: didn’t you used to be a liberal?
Lieberman: this is a radical departure from free-market principles - we must trust the insurance companies!!
Durbin: [ leans over, punches Lieberman in the face ]
Lieberman: Ow!
Feinstein: thanks dick
GOP Congressman: Obama hasn’t fixed
the economy!
Geithner: hey dipshit Bush handed us a
fucking Depression
Gregory: should Geithner be fired?
Lieberman: no - we should deny people health insurance: that will turn the American economy around!
Feinstein: California is a total basket case
Audience: electing a bodybuilder Governor sure seems like a good idea now doesn’t it
Feinstein: we need high speed rail so politicians
can get out of town fast when the riots begin
Gregory: good idea
Hutchinson: Obama was sworn in January
and there is still high unemployment and the cause is the debt!!
Gregory: you’re joking
Hutchinson: Health care! Debt! Word Salad!
Gregory:[waves foam finger] Fire Tim Geithner!!!
Hutchinson: Fluffy will you shut the fuck up I want to bash the Obama stimulus!
Feinstein: Goddammn Fluffers you are an idiot
Gregory: is Obama dithering on our Glorious Invasion of Afghanistan??
Lieberman: if we fail to pour thousands of troops into a far-off desert land it will destabilize the area
Gregory: will you leave your brain to science fiction?
Gregory: is Charles Krauthammer right about
Eric Holder and KSM?
Feinstein: you are a true dimwit, aren’t you
Gregory: but isn’t this a show trial?
Feinstein: no it isn’t Stupid
Gregory: but he told to his employees
'not to fail' which is the height of fascism!!
Durbin: Failure is an Option every week on Meet the Press
Hutchinson: every freedom-loving country in the world needs to know that that we are willing to torture terrorists, hold people without trial, invade other nations, and beg NATO to do it all for us
Gregory: what about these mammogram guidelines?
Feinstein: if you object well then get the test
Hutchinson: this is rationing which never happens in the USA because insurers always cover everything
Gregory: of course
**********************
November 22, 2009
Guests:
Sen. Richard Durbin
Sen. Diane Feinstein
Sen. Joe Lieberman
Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchinson
********************
Gregory: hey Dick amazingly Harry Reid got 60 Dems to vote for something
Durbin: I know it’s crazy - but I still think Ben Nelson will find a way to fuck us
Gregory: Kay didn’t the Democrats fail last night?
Hutchinson: this is a terrible bill that adds to the deficit and we need to start all over and just do
what Republicans want
Gregory: Kay how can we stop this terrible bill?
Hutchinson: wave around pictures of Obama
as a Nazi Witch Doctor
Gregory: the bill raises taxes and kills kittens!
Feinstein: oh can it Fluffy
Gregory: [ high pitched voice ]
But the public option is bad!
Feinstein: the current system sucks and this
helps millions of people Greggers
Gregory: Holy Joe will you stop this bill
Lieberman: I voted for the bill so I could keep my Committee Chairmanships but I must filibuster
the public option
Gregory: why?
Lieberman: a public option will worsen our
current recession because it will add to debt decades from now
Gregory: wow that is bad
Lieberman: it will be very expensive and horrible and also everyone will enroll in it so it undermine the private insurers
Gregory: Holy Joe I have a question - does the Afghan war also have to be deficit neutral too?
Lieberman: oh yes
Gregory: but you voted for the all the wars anyway
Lieberman: because I’m the last honest man
Durbin: the public option is a good fucking
idea dammit
Gregory: ok let me be an advocate for the Republican party here - would be you willing
to drop the option in favor of a trigger?
Durbin: no
Gregory: you say no - but your eyes say yes
Feinstein: I heard you were moron
Gregory: will you pleeeeease vote against
a public option?
Feinstein: calm down Fluffy
Hutchinson: small business health plans
will solve everything
Gregory: and people say I’m a dolt
Gregory: this is higher taxes! And expanded entitlement!
[ looks in mirror, fluffs hair ]
Lieberman: helping poor people costs money - which is the worst thing ever in the history
of America
Gregory: didn’t you used to be a liberal?
Lieberman: this is a radical departure from free-market principles - we must trust the insurance companies!!
Durbin: [ leans over, punches Lieberman in the face ]
Lieberman: Ow!
Feinstein: thanks dick
GOP Congressman: Obama hasn’t fixed
the economy!
Geithner: hey dipshit Bush handed us a
fucking Depression
Gregory: should Geithner be fired?
Lieberman: no - we should deny people health insurance: that will turn the American economy around!
Feinstein: California is a total basket case
Audience: electing a bodybuilder Governor sure seems like a good idea now doesn’t it
Feinstein: we need high speed rail so politicians
can get out of town fast when the riots begin
Gregory: good idea
Hutchinson: Obama was sworn in January
and there is still high unemployment and the cause is the debt!!
Gregory: you’re joking
Hutchinson: Health care! Debt! Word Salad!
Gregory:[waves foam finger] Fire Tim Geithner!!!
Hutchinson: Fluffy will you shut the fuck up I want to bash the Obama stimulus!
Feinstein: Goddammn Fluffers you are an idiot
Gregory: is Obama dithering on our Glorious Invasion of Afghanistan??
Lieberman: if we fail to pour thousands of troops into a far-off desert land it will destabilize the area
Gregory: will you leave your brain to science fiction?
Gregory: is Charles Krauthammer right about
Eric Holder and KSM?
Feinstein: you are a true dimwit, aren’t you
Gregory: but isn’t this a show trial?
Feinstein: no it isn’t Stupid
Gregory: but he told to his employees
'not to fail' which is the height of fascism!!
Durbin: Failure is an Option every week on Meet the Press
Hutchinson: every freedom-loving country in the world needs to know that that we are willing to torture terrorists, hold people without trial, invade other nations, and beg NATO to do it all for us
Gregory: what about these mammogram guidelines?
Feinstein: if you object well then get the test
Hutchinson: this is rationing which never happens in the USA because insurers always cover everything
Gregory: of course
**********************
This Week with George Stephanopoulos - November 22, 2009
November 22, 2009
Guests:
Sen. Ben Nelson
Sen. Tom Coburn
Rep. Wasserman-Schultz
Rep. Blackburn
***************************
Stephanopoulos: Ben Nelson can you live with
the health reform bill or will you kill yourself
if it’s enacted
Nelson: no I hate it but Harry Reid threatened me
Stephanopoulos: how?
Nelson: he would have read the entire bill to me and that was more than I could handle
Stephanopoulos: Crazy Tom you promised to read the whole bill out loud - why did you cave in?
Coburn: I can’t read
Coburn: the problem with health care is that people have too much health which costs too much
Nelson: the Republican is right
Stephanopoulos: what a diverse panel this is!
Coburn: This is bill is fascist! Why do specialists make more money than primary care?? It’s just
like Dachau!!
Wasserman-Schultz: yes because everyone at Dachau had good health care and were mostly worried about the skyrocketing premiums
Coburn: that’s what I heard
Wasserman-Schultz: with all due respect did you
go to school in the Caribbean?
Coburn: I am an verteran of the great Grenada Lebanon Distraction War
Blackburn: this is government takeover of
health care and also it fails because there is no malpractice reform
Wasserman-Schultz: Medicare is pretty successful
Blackburn: sure, if you’re fan of Hitler!
Wasserman-Schultz: Hey dumbass this plan covers people and saves money
Stephanopoulos: Ben Nelson you’re one of
the Democrats who oppose the public option for no reason
Nelson: because it’s fascism - which is fine for Massachusetts but not Nebraska
Stephanopoulos: so you will vote against it
if it has a public option
Nelson: no I will oppose it for many other reasons!
Stephanopoulos: what’s the real reason Ben
- be honest
Nelson: it undermines the private insurers
Coburn: name one government agency that
works well
Stephanopoulos: Medicare, Veterans health, the CDC, the Pentagon-
Coburn: that’s a government-centered approach
Stephanopoulos: -to government
Coburn: indeed we should turn over all military affairs to private contractors
Stephanopoulos: I thought we did
Coburn: Medicare denies care all the time
- this bill establishes a Department of Death Panels and Killing Grandparents
Stephanopoulos: that could be controversial
Blackburn: on page 1,200 of the health bill it bans all mammograms - it’s amazing!!!
Wasserman-Schultz: oh that’s bullshit
Blackburn: these conveniently timed Bush-era recommendations are outrageous!
Coburn: I can’t believe a bureaucracy would decide what is covered under insurance!
Nelson: I agree - insurers are some of the most wonderful people I know whereas all bureaucrats spend their days dreaming of killing people
Stephanopoulos: but if you don’t have some guidelines how do control costs?
Nelson: I want to save costs - I just don’t want the rules to be applied to white people in Nebraska
Blackburn: Obama’s czar is going to be in
the exam room!
Wasserman-Schultz: we haven’t discussed the insurance companies rationing at all
Blackburn: sure they’re evil - but they make money and we need that in America
Stephanopoulos: Tom Coburn I know your insanity is a sore subject but people say you were a party
to corruption
Coburn: that’s a lie
Stephanopoulos: you didn’t serve as an intermediary with Ensign and his crazy family?
Coburn: oh that - yeah I did that - but only because I’m such a nice guy
Stephanopoulos: I can see that
Coburn: you don’t know what it’s like in the Republican Senate caucus - I’m obsessed with lesbians in high school bathroom and I’m considered the normal one
Stephanopoulos: wow
***************
Guests:
Sen. Ben Nelson
Sen. Tom Coburn
Rep. Wasserman-Schultz
Rep. Blackburn
***************************
Stephanopoulos: Ben Nelson can you live with
the health reform bill or will you kill yourself
if it’s enacted
Nelson: no I hate it but Harry Reid threatened me
Stephanopoulos: how?
Nelson: he would have read the entire bill to me and that was more than I could handle
Stephanopoulos: Crazy Tom you promised to read the whole bill out loud - why did you cave in?
Coburn: I can’t read
Coburn: the problem with health care is that people have too much health which costs too much
Nelson: the Republican is right
Stephanopoulos: what a diverse panel this is!
Coburn: This is bill is fascist! Why do specialists make more money than primary care?? It’s just
like Dachau!!
Wasserman-Schultz: yes because everyone at Dachau had good health care and were mostly worried about the skyrocketing premiums
Coburn: that’s what I heard
Wasserman-Schultz: with all due respect did you
go to school in the Caribbean?
Coburn: I am an verteran of the great Grenada Lebanon Distraction War
Blackburn: this is government takeover of
health care and also it fails because there is no malpractice reform
Wasserman-Schultz: Medicare is pretty successful
Blackburn: sure, if you’re fan of Hitler!
Wasserman-Schultz: Hey dumbass this plan covers people and saves money
Stephanopoulos: Ben Nelson you’re one of
the Democrats who oppose the public option for no reason
Nelson: because it’s fascism - which is fine for Massachusetts but not Nebraska
Stephanopoulos: so you will vote against it
if it has a public option
Nelson: no I will oppose it for many other reasons!
Stephanopoulos: what’s the real reason Ben
- be honest
Nelson: it undermines the private insurers
Coburn: name one government agency that
works well
Stephanopoulos: Medicare, Veterans health, the CDC, the Pentagon-
Coburn: that’s a government-centered approach
Stephanopoulos: -to government
Coburn: indeed we should turn over all military affairs to private contractors
Stephanopoulos: I thought we did
Coburn: Medicare denies care all the time
- this bill establishes a Department of Death Panels and Killing Grandparents
Stephanopoulos: that could be controversial
Blackburn: on page 1,200 of the health bill it bans all mammograms - it’s amazing!!!
Wasserman-Schultz: oh that’s bullshit
Blackburn: these conveniently timed Bush-era recommendations are outrageous!
Coburn: I can’t believe a bureaucracy would decide what is covered under insurance!
Nelson: I agree - insurers are some of the most wonderful people I know whereas all bureaucrats spend their days dreaming of killing people
Stephanopoulos: but if you don’t have some guidelines how do control costs?
Nelson: I want to save costs - I just don’t want the rules to be applied to white people in Nebraska
Blackburn: Obama’s czar is going to be in
the exam room!
Wasserman-Schultz: we haven’t discussed the insurance companies rationing at all
Blackburn: sure they’re evil - but they make money and we need that in America
Stephanopoulos: Tom Coburn I know your insanity is a sore subject but people say you were a party
to corruption
Coburn: that’s a lie
Stephanopoulos: you didn’t serve as an intermediary with Ensign and his crazy family?
Coburn: oh that - yeah I did that - but only because I’m such a nice guy
Stephanopoulos: I can see that
Coburn: you don’t know what it’s like in the Republican Senate caucus - I’m obsessed with lesbians in high school bathroom and I’m considered the normal one
Stephanopoulos: wow
***************
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Meet the Press with Hillary Clinton, Newt Gingrich & Al Sharpton - November 15, 2009
Meet The Press
November 15, 2009
Guests:
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton
Secretary of Education Arne Duncan
Newt Gingrich
Al Sharpton
********************
Gregory: Hi Hillary
Clinton: morning Fluffy
Gregory: Secretary Clinton why would we enforce the rule of law against really bad people?
Clinton: Greggers New York City isn’t afraid to try these people and bring them to justice
Gregory: but having super-terrorists in New York City is so scary!
Clinton: Calm down Fluffy - I don’t how it works
in California but here in New York our jails have locks and everything
Gregory: speaking of being terrified of brown swarthy terrorists - why haven’t you closed
Gitmo yet?
Clinton: we want to leave it nice so we’re painting and mowing the lawn first
Gregory: makes sense
Gregory: I hear Obama is considering invading Afghanistan
Clinton: maybe
Gregory: Jill Eikenberry says sending more troops to Afghanistan could backfire
Clinton: you mean Karl Eikenberry
Gregory: him too
Clinton: we need to defeat al-qaeda
Gregory: ok
Clinton: and also the Taliban
Gregory: right
Clinton: so we can’t leave until the Afghan government has defeated the Taliban on its
own and rules a peaceful nation
Gregory: what’s the deal with Hamid Karzai
Clinton: on the plus side he’s a handsome man
and a snappy dresser - on the other hand he’s a power-hungry megalomaniac
Gregory: just like Donald Trump
Clinton: look Bush completely fucked up
this country
Gregory: yes Afghanistan is in really bad shape
Clinton: I meant the U.S.
Gregory: oh
Clinton: I don’t think I can overstate how hated George Bush was around the world and frankly he dropped the ball on Bin Laden along with everything else he touched
Gregory: Obama is going to pay homage to
Our Chinese Overlords
Clinton: you know when my husband Bill was President we almost eliminated the debt and since then Stupid wasted 2 trillion dollars so it’s up to Obama and me to fix all his mistakes
Gregory: how do we combat the wily orientals?
Clinton: sure we’re rivals but we have a common enemy who presents a threat to the stability of the whole world
Gregory: North Korea?
Clinton: Sarah Palin
Gregory: She wants to have coffee with you
Clinton: it would be fascinating to meet someone who’s never read a newspaper before
Gregory: will you read her book?
Clinton: I will if she does
Gregory: can her brand of Crazy take over the GOP?
Clinton: I sure hope so
[ break ]
Gregory: OMG it’s such a cute odd couple - Newt Gingrich and Al Sharpton are going to come up with a bipartisan solution to failing education in America!
Gregory: Newt and Al - both of you are widely disliked - so thank you for coming on my show today
Gingrich: right on
Sharpton: dude!
[ fist bump each other ]
Gregory: people say America doesn’t manufacture anything anymore Arne but you say we have excellent Dropout Factories
Duncan: that’s right - we want achievement and to raise the bar and remove firewalls
Gregory: those are some very inspiring clichés
Duncan: we must challenge the status quo, go outside our comfort zones and hope for change
Gingrich: this is the civil right of the 21st century
Duncan: we need good schools
Gregory: interesting
Gingrich: some schools are poor and violent and that’s bad
Sharpton: the poor and minorities are really getting screwed by our failing schools
Gregory: Newt you wanted to rid of the Department
of Education
Gingrich: in an ideal world every child would get
a Pell grant and buy their education on the open free market
Sharpton: hell parents have failed as well
Gregory: have we achieved anything?
Sharpton: we have succeeded in getting Newt
and me back on tv!
Gregory: since the teachers unions are evil why should we believe that a liberal will enforce accountability?
Duncan: if there was real accountability Rachel Maddow would take your job Fluffy
Gregory: what if teachers lie to you?
Duncan: I could kiss their ass like you do
Gingrich: the teachers union is responsible for
kids going to prison
Sharpton: we also need parents involved
Gregory: now wait just a minute - I invited you here
to bash teachers unions not for some debate about education
Sharpton: I heard back in Harlem you were a moron
Gingrich: Al Sharpton and I can inspire the whole world with our bipartisanship attention-seeking
Gregory: Are our teachers just stupid and should we have a West Point of Teachers?
Duncan: hard-working, service, public service,
blah blah blah
Gingrich: Jefferson said self-knowledge is vital
Gregory: Thomas Jefferson?
Gingrich: no George Jefferson - in the Hawaii episode
Gregory: that is so wise
Gingrich: the damm kids need discipline for the first time in their lives!
Sharpton: I never knew I was underprivileged because my mother taught me right
Gregory: Should we have a national failed curriculum?
Gingrich: no because some districts want to
teach kids that Adam and Eve rode dinosaurs to meetups with blond haired blue-eyed Republican tax-cutting Jesus
*******************
November 15, 2009
Guests:
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton
Secretary of Education Arne Duncan
Newt Gingrich
Al Sharpton
********************
Gregory: Hi Hillary
Clinton: morning Fluffy
Gregory: Secretary Clinton why would we enforce the rule of law against really bad people?
Clinton: Greggers New York City isn’t afraid to try these people and bring them to justice
Gregory: but having super-terrorists in New York City is so scary!
Clinton: Calm down Fluffy - I don’t how it works
in California but here in New York our jails have locks and everything
Gregory: speaking of being terrified of brown swarthy terrorists - why haven’t you closed
Gitmo yet?
Clinton: we want to leave it nice so we’re painting and mowing the lawn first
Gregory: makes sense
Gregory: I hear Obama is considering invading Afghanistan
Clinton: maybe
Gregory: Jill Eikenberry says sending more troops to Afghanistan could backfire
Clinton: you mean Karl Eikenberry
Gregory: him too
Clinton: we need to defeat al-qaeda
Gregory: ok
Clinton: and also the Taliban
Gregory: right
Clinton: so we can’t leave until the Afghan government has defeated the Taliban on its
own and rules a peaceful nation
Gregory: what’s the deal with Hamid Karzai
Clinton: on the plus side he’s a handsome man
and a snappy dresser - on the other hand he’s a power-hungry megalomaniac
Gregory: just like Donald Trump
Clinton: look Bush completely fucked up
this country
Gregory: yes Afghanistan is in really bad shape
Clinton: I meant the U.S.
Gregory: oh
Clinton: I don’t think I can overstate how hated George Bush was around the world and frankly he dropped the ball on Bin Laden along with everything else he touched
Gregory: Obama is going to pay homage to
Our Chinese Overlords
Clinton: you know when my husband Bill was President we almost eliminated the debt and since then Stupid wasted 2 trillion dollars so it’s up to Obama and me to fix all his mistakes
Gregory: how do we combat the wily orientals?
Clinton: sure we’re rivals but we have a common enemy who presents a threat to the stability of the whole world
Gregory: North Korea?
Clinton: Sarah Palin
Gregory: She wants to have coffee with you
Clinton: it would be fascinating to meet someone who’s never read a newspaper before
Gregory: will you read her book?
Clinton: I will if she does
Gregory: can her brand of Crazy take over the GOP?
Clinton: I sure hope so
[ break ]
Gregory: OMG it’s such a cute odd couple - Newt Gingrich and Al Sharpton are going to come up with a bipartisan solution to failing education in America!
Gregory: Newt and Al - both of you are widely disliked - so thank you for coming on my show today
Gingrich: right on
Sharpton: dude!
[ fist bump each other ]
Gregory: people say America doesn’t manufacture anything anymore Arne but you say we have excellent Dropout Factories
Duncan: that’s right - we want achievement and to raise the bar and remove firewalls
Gregory: those are some very inspiring clichés
Duncan: we must challenge the status quo, go outside our comfort zones and hope for change
Gingrich: this is the civil right of the 21st century
Duncan: we need good schools
Gregory: interesting
Gingrich: some schools are poor and violent and that’s bad
Sharpton: the poor and minorities are really getting screwed by our failing schools
Gregory: Newt you wanted to rid of the Department
of Education
Gingrich: in an ideal world every child would get
a Pell grant and buy their education on the open free market
Sharpton: hell parents have failed as well
Gregory: have we achieved anything?
Sharpton: we have succeeded in getting Newt
and me back on tv!
Gregory: since the teachers unions are evil why should we believe that a liberal will enforce accountability?
Duncan: if there was real accountability Rachel Maddow would take your job Fluffy
Gregory: what if teachers lie to you?
Duncan: I could kiss their ass like you do
Gingrich: the teachers union is responsible for
kids going to prison
Sharpton: we also need parents involved
Gregory: now wait just a minute - I invited you here
to bash teachers unions not for some debate about education
Sharpton: I heard back in Harlem you were a moron
Gingrich: Al Sharpton and I can inspire the whole world with our bipartisanship attention-seeking
Gregory: Are our teachers just stupid and should we have a West Point of Teachers?
Duncan: hard-working, service, public service,
blah blah blah
Gingrich: Jefferson said self-knowledge is vital
Gregory: Thomas Jefferson?
Gingrich: no George Jefferson - in the Hawaii episode
Gregory: that is so wise
Gingrich: the damm kids need discipline for the first time in their lives!
Sharpton: I never knew I was underprivileged because my mother taught me right
Gregory: Should we have a national failed curriculum?
Gingrich: no because some districts want to
teach kids that Adam and Eve rode dinosaurs to meetups with blond haired blue-eyed Republican tax-cutting Jesus
*******************
This Week with George Stephanopoulos with Hillary Clinton - November 15, 2009
November 15, 2009
Guests:
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton
Rudy Giuliani
**********************
Stephanopoulos: Obama invaded Afghanistan but can we really win there?
Clinton: George you can be sure if Obama wants to conquer Afghanistan he’s going to damm well do it
Stephanopoulos: Ambassador Eikenberry says more troops will hurt the effort
Clinton: we’re going to defeat al-qaeda dammit!
Stephanopoulos: didn’t we do that already?
Clinton: yes but they’re very wily - they have
ties to the unsavory elements of the indigenous people there
Stephanopoulos: Hamid Karzai?
Clinton: The Taliban
Stephanopoulos: Karzai is pretty corrupt isn’t he?
Clinton: it’s ok we’re going to get a Official Certification that he’s only to spend money
in a non-corrupt and totally ethical way
Stephanopoulos: you can’t even get that
in New Jersey!
Clinton: we need to find an off-ramp out of there
Stephanopoulos: it looks like we got lost
and drove into another country
Clinton: Pakistan is a theatre
Stephanopoulos: Kabuki?
Clinton: Improv
Stephanopoulos: Saint Giuliani of 9/11 says the American justice system sucks
Clinton: well he was US Attorney from NYC so
he would know
Stephanopoulos: seriously?
Clinton: no you twerp
Stephanopoulos: can you find nice homes for all the Gitmo detainees who turned out to be innocent
Clinton: we’re going to get them low-rate mortgages
Stephanopoulos: Sarah Palin wants to a coffee
date with you
Clinton: I’d love to meet her and find out how her brain works
Stephanopoulos: are you running for Governor
of New York?
Clinton: ha - I’m already Secretary of State
for god’s sake
[ break]
Stephanopoulos: welcome Saint Rudy - are you running for Governor?
Giuliani: yes - I plan to lose to Andrew Cuomo
next year
Stephanopoulos: you praised federal trials for terrorists before the GOP went full-in crazy
Giuliani: oh no no but you see a fair trial will take too long - plus there is a risk that they might be found not guilty and we can’t take that chance
Stephanopoulos: ah
Giuliani: also this sends a wrong message - that
we are not at war with random crazy people everywhere like Al-Qaeda, the Taliban, and U.S. Army Major Hasan
Stephanopoulos: are you saying Major Hasan was a foreign soldier who declared war on the U.S.?
Giuliani: yes - he had novelty business cards that said “Soldier of God”!
Stephanopoulos: to be fair Mike Huckabee
has those too
Guests:
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton
Rudy Giuliani
**********************
Stephanopoulos: Obama invaded Afghanistan but can we really win there?
Clinton: George you can be sure if Obama wants to conquer Afghanistan he’s going to damm well do it
Stephanopoulos: Ambassador Eikenberry says more troops will hurt the effort
Clinton: we’re going to defeat al-qaeda dammit!
Stephanopoulos: didn’t we do that already?
Clinton: yes but they’re very wily - they have
ties to the unsavory elements of the indigenous people there
Stephanopoulos: Hamid Karzai?
Clinton: The Taliban
Stephanopoulos: Karzai is pretty corrupt isn’t he?
Clinton: it’s ok we’re going to get a Official Certification that he’s only to spend money
in a non-corrupt and totally ethical way
Stephanopoulos: you can’t even get that
in New Jersey!
Clinton: we need to find an off-ramp out of there
Stephanopoulos: it looks like we got lost
and drove into another country
Clinton: Pakistan is a theatre
Stephanopoulos: Kabuki?
Clinton: Improv
Stephanopoulos: Saint Giuliani of 9/11 says the American justice system sucks
Clinton: well he was US Attorney from NYC so
he would know
Stephanopoulos: seriously?
Clinton: no you twerp
Stephanopoulos: can you find nice homes for all the Gitmo detainees who turned out to be innocent
Clinton: we’re going to get them low-rate mortgages
Stephanopoulos: Sarah Palin wants to a coffee
date with you
Clinton: I’d love to meet her and find out how her brain works
Stephanopoulos: are you running for Governor
of New York?
Clinton: ha - I’m already Secretary of State
for god’s sake
[ break]
Stephanopoulos: welcome Saint Rudy - are you running for Governor?
Giuliani: yes - I plan to lose to Andrew Cuomo
next year
Stephanopoulos: you praised federal trials for terrorists before the GOP went full-in crazy
Giuliani: oh no no but you see a fair trial will take too long - plus there is a risk that they might be found not guilty and we can’t take that chance
Stephanopoulos: ah
Giuliani: also this sends a wrong message - that
we are not at war with random crazy people everywhere like Al-Qaeda, the Taliban, and U.S. Army Major Hasan
Stephanopoulos: are you saying Major Hasan was a foreign soldier who declared war on the U.S.?
Giuliani: yes - he had novelty business cards that said “Soldier of God”!
Stephanopoulos: to be fair Mike Huckabee
has those too
Sunday, November 08, 2009
Meet The Press - November 8, 2009
Meet The Press
November 8, 2009
Guests:
General Casey
Gov. Haley Barbour
Gov. Ed Rendell
********************
Gregory: General I love your fatigues
Casey: thanks
Gregory: was this Fort Hood guy a lone gunman
Casey: I can’t answer that
Gregory: people think that counseling veterans stressed out by combat and then being sent to Iraq himself may have made him snap
Casey: and this is a surprise to you?
Gregory: how did the Army miss the warning signs?
Casey: Fluffy we really don’t know what happened
Gregory: but he hated our wars!
Casey: you are a silly person
Gregory: if he wanted to be discharged why not let him?
Casey: are you kidding - a muslim psychiatrist is like gold fluffy - gold!
Gregory: we send soldiers to repeated tours of duty - is that bad?
Casey: sure - we’re thinking about training soldiers to deal with it better
Gregory: but we will keep sending them into combat?
Casey: the empire won’t run itself Greggers
Gregory: can U.S. muslims fight our ongoing
war on Islam?
Casey: we don’t have a war on Islam
Gregroy: ok - should we send 40,000 troops
to Afghanistan?
Casey: yeah like I’m going to answer that
Gregory: The House passed a Democratic health reform bill so let me turn to an expert - Haley Barbour
Barbour: those Dems fahailed!
Gregory: aren’t the Democrats doomed Ed?
Rendell: I heard you were a moron
Gregory: but the centrists!
Rendell: calm down Fluffy
Barbour: theah merkin paypal don’t want government crammed down theah throat
Gregory: the middle class will hate the bill won’t they
Rendell: look you idiot it’s a good bill that will help millions of people
Gregory: Governor Barbour are the Democrats totally doomed?
Barbour: sadly yes - David Broder said so
Gregory: oh noe!
Barbour: people are very angry at health care reform - they want jobs - so of course they are turning to Republicans with their great track record
Gregory: the Moonie Times and Politico say Obama is doing too much and also not doing enough
Rendell: wow that’s stupid
Gregory: but he’s doing too much
Rendell: that’s silly
Gregory: just bash Obama ok
Barbour: Look its very simple - Obama is only popular because he is black and Americans just love
black people
Gregory: of course
Gregory: what do you think of Sarah Palin
Barbour: she’s an idiot
Gregory: could she be President?
Barbour: of what?
Gregory: will you run for President?
Barbour: we’ve done worse than me
Rendell: I don’t know about that
Gregory: Ed is Obama totally doomed?
Rendell: yeah whatever Fluffers
Gregory: please sing the praises of Saint Ronnie of the Deficit
Barbour: Reagan helped ordinary people not the rich fat cats on Wall Street
Rendell: what the fuck??
Gregory: do we need to send 40,000 more troops
to Afghanistan?
Barbour: definitely and if Obama sends then I promise we won’t compare him to Hitler anymore
Gregory: and if he doesn’t?
Barbour: the entire 2010 election will revolve around Dachau
Rendell: where are all these troops supposed to come from?
Barbour: Buddha will provide
[ break ]
Gregory: Obama has to send non-existent troops to Afghanistan or else he will be called a British-Indonesian-Kenyan-Muslim American-hater
Brooks: right
Maddow: they will call him StalinHitler no matter what
Gillespie: we have learned from the mistakes of the Bush administration that Obama is a bad President
Dionne: oh wait I just remembered something about Afghanistan - we’re totally fucked there
Gregory: Obama achieved a great victory last night
Maddow: except for not covering women
Gillespie: the bill uses the word “shall” and of course we can’t have government mandating things
Brooks: we’re America - we can’t afford to help sick Americans
Dionne: Reagan said Medicare was terrible - in 50 years Gillespie will sing the praises of Pelosi-care
Gillespie: under Obamacare I won’t live that long!
Maddow: the Republican plan really would wreck the economy - no one ever mentions that because they’re so worthless
Dionne: It’s simple - health care reform is a good fucking idea
Brooks: the problem with our system is we spend
too much making sick people well
Gregory: The Democrats lost on Tuesday!
Gillespie: Conservatives won in Virginia which is truly amazing
Maddow: Deeds lost because he sucked and ran away from Obama
Brooks: Democrats lost the county executive race in Westchester because Obama is bad man
Gregory: We have 10% unemployment in the
Obama recession!
Maddow: hey you might as well have second stimulus because the Dems and Obama are going to get blamed anyway
Brooks: John Maynard Keynes was wrong about everything
Dionne: actually the stimulus was too small
Gillespie: we need to bring back that Bush economy - fuck yeah!
************************
November 8, 2009
Guests:
General Casey
Gov. Haley Barbour
Gov. Ed Rendell
********************
Gregory: General I love your fatigues
Casey: thanks
Gregory: was this Fort Hood guy a lone gunman
Casey: I can’t answer that
Gregory: people think that counseling veterans stressed out by combat and then being sent to Iraq himself may have made him snap
Casey: and this is a surprise to you?
Gregory: how did the Army miss the warning signs?
Casey: Fluffy we really don’t know what happened
Gregory: but he hated our wars!
Casey: you are a silly person
Gregory: if he wanted to be discharged why not let him?
Casey: are you kidding - a muslim psychiatrist is like gold fluffy - gold!
Gregory: we send soldiers to repeated tours of duty - is that bad?
Casey: sure - we’re thinking about training soldiers to deal with it better
Gregory: but we will keep sending them into combat?
Casey: the empire won’t run itself Greggers
Gregory: can U.S. muslims fight our ongoing
war on Islam?
Casey: we don’t have a war on Islam
Gregroy: ok - should we send 40,000 troops
to Afghanistan?
Casey: yeah like I’m going to answer that
Gregory: The House passed a Democratic health reform bill so let me turn to an expert - Haley Barbour
Barbour: those Dems fahailed!
Gregory: aren’t the Democrats doomed Ed?
Rendell: I heard you were a moron
Gregory: but the centrists!
Rendell: calm down Fluffy
Barbour: theah merkin paypal don’t want government crammed down theah throat
Gregory: the middle class will hate the bill won’t they
Rendell: look you idiot it’s a good bill that will help millions of people
Gregory: Governor Barbour are the Democrats totally doomed?
Barbour: sadly yes - David Broder said so
Gregory: oh noe!
Barbour: people are very angry at health care reform - they want jobs - so of course they are turning to Republicans with their great track record
Gregory: the Moonie Times and Politico say Obama is doing too much and also not doing enough
Rendell: wow that’s stupid
Gregory: but he’s doing too much
Rendell: that’s silly
Gregory: just bash Obama ok
Barbour: Look its very simple - Obama is only popular because he is black and Americans just love
black people
Gregory: of course
Gregory: what do you think of Sarah Palin
Barbour: she’s an idiot
Gregory: could she be President?
Barbour: of what?
Gregory: will you run for President?
Barbour: we’ve done worse than me
Rendell: I don’t know about that
Gregory: Ed is Obama totally doomed?
Rendell: yeah whatever Fluffers
Gregory: please sing the praises of Saint Ronnie of the Deficit
Barbour: Reagan helped ordinary people not the rich fat cats on Wall Street
Rendell: what the fuck??
Gregory: do we need to send 40,000 more troops
to Afghanistan?
Barbour: definitely and if Obama sends then I promise we won’t compare him to Hitler anymore
Gregory: and if he doesn’t?
Barbour: the entire 2010 election will revolve around Dachau
Rendell: where are all these troops supposed to come from?
Barbour: Buddha will provide
[ break ]
Gregory: Obama has to send non-existent troops to Afghanistan or else he will be called a British-Indonesian-Kenyan-Muslim American-hater
Brooks: right
Maddow: they will call him StalinHitler no matter what
Gillespie: we have learned from the mistakes of the Bush administration that Obama is a bad President
Dionne: oh wait I just remembered something about Afghanistan - we’re totally fucked there
Gregory: Obama achieved a great victory last night
Maddow: except for not covering women
Gillespie: the bill uses the word “shall” and of course we can’t have government mandating things
Brooks: we’re America - we can’t afford to help sick Americans
Dionne: Reagan said Medicare was terrible - in 50 years Gillespie will sing the praises of Pelosi-care
Gillespie: under Obamacare I won’t live that long!
Maddow: the Republican plan really would wreck the economy - no one ever mentions that because they’re so worthless
Dionne: It’s simple - health care reform is a good fucking idea
Brooks: the problem with our system is we spend
too much making sick people well
Gregory: The Democrats lost on Tuesday!
Gillespie: Conservatives won in Virginia which is truly amazing
Maddow: Deeds lost because he sucked and ran away from Obama
Brooks: Democrats lost the county executive race in Westchester because Obama is bad man
Gregory: We have 10% unemployment in the
Obama recession!
Maddow: hey you might as well have second stimulus because the Dems and Obama are going to get blamed anyway
Brooks: John Maynard Keynes was wrong about everything
Dionne: actually the stimulus was too small
Gillespie: we need to bring back that Bush economy - fuck yeah!
************************
This Week with George Stephanopoulos - November 8, 2009
This Week with George Stephanopoulos
November 8, 2009
Guests:
Tim Kaine
Michael Steele
********************
Stephanopoulos: hi did you bring any kids
or props today
Kaine: who do I look like Carrot Top?
Steele: [ waves foam finger ] it’s off the hook!
Stephanopoulos: Last night the House passed a health care billt
Kaine: Teddy Roosevelt wanted this bill and he was a big white hunting Republican
Steele: the problem with this bill is that is gives the government power and the U.S. government is evil
Kaine: ok
Steele: it’s a trick to debate late on a Saturday night - I mean we Republicans were all watching
Taylor Swift on NBC!
Kaine: we had months of debate idiot
Steele: no not really - we sent Obama a letter in April telling him to adopt GOP ideas and we never heard back from him
Kaine: are you sure you sent it to the White House?
Steele: we addressed it to “That Kenyan-Muslim Usurper, The Reagan House, Pennsylvania avenue”
Steph: are you the party of “No”
Steele: No
Steph: ok
Stephanopoulos: are Democrats doomed with independents?
Kaine: yeah sure good luck with that
argument Stephy
Steele: People voted for Chris Christie because they wanted to vote against Democrats in Washington
Kaine: sure they did
Steele: Boeher will be speaker of the house
Kaine: yikes
[ SPIT TAKE ]
Stephanopoulos: hey I bought this suit at JC Pennys
Kaine: this year we’ve picked up two senate seats and two house seats
Steele: true - but Obama is still black
Stephanopoulos: so are you
Steele: [ SPIT TAKE ]
holy shit!
Steph: not again
Kaine: we’re creating stimulus jobs
Steele: that’s a government contract - not a real job
Lockheed Martin: damm right!
Stephanopoulos: you lost the NY-23 district
Steele: no the conservative won that seat
two years from now
Stephanopoulos: um what
Steele: we have a future victory
Kaine: they lost the seat they held since 1870 because Sarah Palin is idiot and the GOP is imploding
Steele: There’s a 2,000 pound baby on the railroad tracks of progress
Stephanopoulos: okay then
********************
November 8, 2009
Guests:
Tim Kaine
Michael Steele
********************
Stephanopoulos: hi did you bring any kids
or props today
Kaine: who do I look like Carrot Top?
Steele: [ waves foam finger ] it’s off the hook!
Stephanopoulos: Last night the House passed a health care billt
Kaine: Teddy Roosevelt wanted this bill and he was a big white hunting Republican
Steele: the problem with this bill is that is gives the government power and the U.S. government is evil
Kaine: ok
Steele: it’s a trick to debate late on a Saturday night - I mean we Republicans were all watching
Taylor Swift on NBC!
Kaine: we had months of debate idiot
Steele: no not really - we sent Obama a letter in April telling him to adopt GOP ideas and we never heard back from him
Kaine: are you sure you sent it to the White House?
Steele: we addressed it to “That Kenyan-Muslim Usurper, The Reagan House, Pennsylvania avenue”
Steph: are you the party of “No”
Steele: No
Steph: ok
Stephanopoulos: are Democrats doomed with independents?
Kaine: yeah sure good luck with that
argument Stephy
Steele: People voted for Chris Christie because they wanted to vote against Democrats in Washington
Kaine: sure they did
Steele: Boeher will be speaker of the house
Kaine: yikes
[ SPIT TAKE ]
Stephanopoulos: hey I bought this suit at JC Pennys
Kaine: this year we’ve picked up two senate seats and two house seats
Steele: true - but Obama is still black
Stephanopoulos: so are you
Steele: [ SPIT TAKE ]
holy shit!
Steph: not again
Kaine: we’re creating stimulus jobs
Steele: that’s a government contract - not a real job
Lockheed Martin: damm right!
Stephanopoulos: you lost the NY-23 district
Steele: no the conservative won that seat
two years from now
Stephanopoulos: um what
Steele: we have a future victory
Kaine: they lost the seat they held since 1870 because Sarah Palin is idiot and the GOP is imploding
Steele: There’s a 2,000 pound baby on the railroad tracks of progress
Stephanopoulos: okay then
********************
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