Monday, January 11, 2010

The Daily Show with John Yoo - January 11, 2010

The Daily Show
January 11, 2010
John Yoo

Stewart: everyone on earth hates your fucking
guts and fears your broken soul

Yoo: yeah but people love you so it’s the same

Stewart: it seems like they came to you and
said ‘give us permission to crush a child’s balls’
and you said ‘how hard?’

Yoo: that’s true but we were under threat by
nutjobs with boxcutters

Stewart: so you weren’t following the law
but panicking?

Yoo: no there’s a special law to follow if you’re
really really scared

Stewart: I didn’t know that was in the Constitution

Yoo: Congress and the Supreme Court could
have stopped us

Stewart: really how?

Yoo: they could have defunded our ball crushing

Stewart: if they know you're crushing
balls day and night

Yoo: all they had to do was follow the screams

Stewart: but I thought we signed a treaty
banning torture

Yoo: yeah but there’s nothing in the treaty
about not crushing balls

Stewart: but we prosecuted people for torture

Yoo: but not for ball crushing

Stewart: I’m so confused

Yoo: look we either ball crush or we give the terrorists Miranda rights

Stewart: no in between?

Yoo: dude I don’t make the rules

Stewart: according to you the Framers wanted
us to have a dictatorship

Yoo: yes but only when a President has allowed
a massive terror attack to happen - then you
can go to town

Stewart: I see

Yoo: our best Presidents were all radical
dictator war Presidents

Stewart: why did you even bother following
the law when your whole philosophy is
‘terrortime baby - fuck the law’

Yoo: look I never actually told Bush ball
crushing was legal

Stewart: jesus christ I don’t know if that the
worst thing I’ve heard or not

Yoo: look America needs a Lincoln or Hitler or
Bush even if the price is sometimes a power-mad fascist like Nixon or Obama

Stewart: you sir, are one sick, sick man

Yoo: thank you Jon

Stewart: no really I thank you - now I understand
the banality of evil that allowed the Holocaust
to happen



Ralph Dratman said...

Thank you for sparing me the agony of watching one more second of Yoo. Your summary was right on the money.

nerdChef said...

I agree. Really great synopsis. Saw the vid and was disappointed by how confused Stewart became about what's ultimately a simple issue for Yoo: he was tasked with bending the Geneva Convention to its limits. Had Stewart taken him to task on that idea, I think he would've been more successful.

Kelly said...

Great show. I am also huge fan of Daily Episodes. All Episodes of this show gives you world wide news with best comedy twist. It's the good way to know about political figures. I always Watch Daily Show Online. My father also likes to watch this Amazing show. I can miss any thing but can never missed to watch it's any episode. Daily Show has won multiple Emmy's awards due to it's greatness.