Sunday, January 31, 2010

Meet The Press - January 31, 2010

David Axelrod - White House Advisor
Rep. John Boehner (R-Ohio)

Gregory: will Khalid Sheik Mohammed be tried
in downtown New York?

Axelrod: well why not - that’s where the crime
took place

Gregory: what about his fashion crime?

Axelrod: he may be tried in Bryant Park

Gregory: what does Obama think?

Axelrod: he thinks that t-shirt is a huge faux pas

Gregory: no I mean about putting him on trial

Axelrod: Bush put terrorists on trial all the time
and the GOP thought it was a great idea

Gregory: so New York City or not?

Axelrod: not a chance

Gregory: how could you not torture the Christmas Day bomber - are you crazy?

Axelrod: the President took an oath to uphold the laws of the United States Fluffyhaid

Gregory: but Bush repealed the Constitution in 2003

Axelrod: Obama is thinking of putting it back in place

Gregory: wow

Gregory: Obama finally told the Republicans to
fuck off this week - does this mean he will finally admit they are right about everything?

Axelrod: no stupid

Gregory: but doesn’t he have to move to the middle to get anything done?

Axelrod: I heard you were a moron Fluffy

Gregory: you won’t do anything the GOP wants

Axelrod: we accelerated the GOP tax cuts!

Gregory: will Obama skull-fuck the GOP if they continue to block good laws?

Axelrod: they won’t even vote for a commission to cut the debt - the American people hate that shit

Gregory: do they want the economy to fail so
Obama will fail?

Axelrod: of course they do

Gregory: is health care reform dead or not?

Axelrod: no the American people are suffering -
so we must do it

Gregory: Mary Landrieu said it’s dying

Axelrod: Mary - call me!

Gregory: so reform yes or no

Axelrod: dunno

Gregory: Is Obama going to cut taxes on overpaid
tv anchors?

Axelrod: no

Gregory: you hate America!

Axelrod: hey he’s proposed 400 tax cuts!

Gregory: Justice Alito mothed “bullshit” during Obama’s speech - was Obama wrong to discuss public policy during his speech to Congress?

Axelrod: Jesus Christ you’re stupid

Gregory: but the poor little court!

Axelrod: Should Hugo Chavez be able to influence American elections???

Gregory: but is a speech to the nation an appropriate place to discuss the law?

Axelrod: you really are a fucking moron

Gregory: are we better off than we were
last January?

Axelrod: you bet we are Greggers

[ break ]

Gregory: Boner you say no to everything

Boehner: yes but Obama has not ended the Bush recession and that’s not acceptable to the GOP

Gregory: Obama reached out to you by pointing
out your lies

Boehner: it was great evening - Obama gave me
tips on his great tan

Gregory: Obama said we should stop demonize
each other

Boehner: he’s a well-spoken Guinean Witch Doctor

Gregory: the debt isn’t even his fault!

Boehner: yes but it could be

Gregory: huh

Boehner: he’s a crazy leftist terrorist

Gregory: oh ok

Boehner: the people are saying ‘Stop! We don’t Washington to end the recession!’

Gregory: are you prepared to say yes to anything
at all?

Boehner: the government is going to take over health care!

Gregory: so nothing at all??

Boehner: more war, torture, and tort reform

Gregory: awesome

Boehner: what we won’t stand for is government providing health care

Gregory: if people buy health care across state lines then the federal government will regulate health care

Boehner: nonsense - the American people can regulate the whole industry by themselves

Gregory: that’s insane

Boehner: government is evil!

Gregory: you don’t support debt reform or
a spending freeze

Boehner: that’s ok but if you really want to save money cut the Pentagon

Gregory: really?

Boehner: sure - now that a liberal is President I
just realized spending is bad

Gregory: people hate the Republican party

Boehner: look we’ve learned our lesson - after
30 years we really are committed to fiscal conservatism - no really this time we mean it!

Gregory: who is the leader of the GOP?

Boehner: Ronald Reagan

Gregory: he’s dead

Boehner: but still a handsome man

Gregory: people hate you

Boehner: the Dems have a majority so they
can’t blame us for it

Gregory: but you filibuster everything

Boehner: don’t say that

Gregory: gays in the military?

Boehner: look I like gays too but why would we
want a strong military when we are in 2 wars and bad economy

Gregory: all brought to you by the GOP

Boehner: that darn Obama!

[ break ]

Gregory: ha Obama can’t walk on water!

Brooks: the GOP won’t raise taxes and the Dems won’t cut spending so we are well and truly fucked

Gregory: why can’t we all just get along

Zuckerman: I can’t believe Obama hasn’t solved the Bush recession!

Gregory: Obama claims he’s not a crazy leftist and yet you heard me demand he become a Republican

Robinson: hey Fluffy he’s already moved to the center enough!

Faber: the US economy just plain sucks

Zuckerman: he does too much and he needs a comprehensive program

Gregory: Mort tell us what Obama told you this week

Zuckerman: it was off the record but I’ll say this - Obama has a secret plan to end unemployment

Gregory: interesting

Zuckerman: Bush gave America the worst economy ever and only a government program can fix it

Gregory: no no no Gene what do you say

Robinson: sure we need a new stimulus

Brooks: it’s a mental recession because people don’t trust the media which is tragic

Gregory: people hate the government

Faber: well you know the stimulus hasn’t been spent yet - the real issue is American has been on a downward slide for 20 years

Zuckerman: don’t forget the states are cutting back all over the place

Gregory: Joe Klein said something interesting--

Robinson: stop right there

Gregory: people hate the government though so why do health care reform first?

Robinson: in Obama’s defense he had to strike
while the iron is hot

Brooks: he should have solved the recession first

Gregory: true but the GOP oppose everything

Robinson: only the bills that they co-sponsor

Gregory: can Republicans govern?

Brooks: no

Gregory: should we have a third party?

Robinson: [ laughs out loud ]

Gregory: but Newt says-

Zuckerman: the Democrats are responsible for a recession!

Gregory: is the President doomed in 2012 or will the economy ever come back?

Faber: banks need to lend but it was bad lending that go us into this in the first place

Gregory: is Obama soft on terror?? [ big grin ]

Zuckerman: ever since they let 9/11 happen the Democrats have been vulnerable on terrorism

Gregory: ha that’s all for today



ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Gregory: Joe Klein said something interesting--

Robinson: stop right there


Wek said...

I think Fluffy Head reads your site to harvest future questions he'll ask.

Batocchio said...

My two favorite bits:

Gregory: but Bush repealed the Constitution in 2003

Axelrod: Obama is thinking of putting it back in place

Gregory: wow


Gregory: the debt isn’t even his fault!

Boehner: yes but it could be

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