President Barack Obama Press Conference
White House
March 24, 2009
*****************************
Obama: I want to remind people that it took George Bush years to fuck up America and it will take me time to fix it
Now first I threw a trillion dollars at you to build bridges and energy efficient Windows and Macs
Also I lowered interest rates to reinflate the housing bubble
I opened up credit markets by buying a huge toxic shitpile using your money
Finally, I have ordered all future emperors to go around naked and ask all Americans to stop fucking around with the stock market and get real jobs - wake the fuck America - D-Day was very nice but that was 50 years ago and it's time admit the goddam party is over
Now it's true I'm only one lonely talented black man
I'm very very angry about the bonuses - in fact my pulse rose to 72 beats per minutes and my cybernetic circuits overloaded
So I'm asking people to call the fuck down, and chill out
I got this!
AP: Should we welcome our new nerdy overlord?
Obama: darlin AIG is not a bank so the FDIC can't take it over like we all saw on 60 Minutes last week
AP: oh noe
Obama: this is why Timmy needs Super-Executive Plenary Authority to put your children to work in File Mines of Wall Street
AP: i don't trust the Government - look at Katrina, Iraq, Santa Claus
Obama: hey what can I say - Bush sucked
Todd: given this new ridiculous silly era of so called personal responsibility why don't meet some arbitrary condition of sacrifice from the american people?
Obama: Hey Goatee-boy maybe you didn't notice but people are already suffering
Todd: wha?
Todd: Call to action blah blah blah
Obama: I'll start with a little sacrificing right now Toddster if that's what you want
Todd: i'll be good
Tapper: Will you veto a budget without tax cuts, cap n trade and outlawing neckties?
Obama: i expect them to xerox it and sent it me
Xerox: No no no the word is photocopy!!!
Obama: i will fuck the polluters and by the way it promotes economic growth
Tapper: will you be my Twitter friend?
Obama: no you're an idiot
Tapper [ twittering ]
obama sez no to tweet me
Chip Reid: My Rush-loving Mom says you have proposed the most irresponsible budget in history
Obama: Chipper your buddies gave me a trillion dollar deficit
Chip: oh
Obama: here's what I do know Chipmunk - we have to invest in America and grow this economy or we'll never succeed
Chip: but the debt!
Obama: is driven by structural problems that won't be solved by bombing third world nations
Chip: damm
Chip Reid: but the debt goes up up up!!
Obama: just like my popularity
Tapper: oh snap!
Obama: heh heh
Chip: but the Republicans-
Obama: oh shut up you little dickweed
Chip: how rude
Obama: i'm not going to lie to you - you're a moron
Chip: darn
Obama: and a hack
Lourdes, Telemundo: Will you invade Mexico?
Obama: Sure that sounds like a great idea with no downside
Bush [ at home ]
Shee-it - wha dinn ah think ah that!
[ throws shoe at tv, misses ]
Sheeee-it
Stars & Stripes: Bush fucked veterans but good - will you be any better?
Obama: we have to keep America safe and not waste money and everyone knows the Pentagon wastes money
McCain: no he hates America!
Obama: John McCain said that!
McCain: i did?
Obama: yes!
McCain: who am i talking to
Obama: i'm in your head!
McCain: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!
Ed Henry: Why did you wait to go public with the manufactured outrage the media demanded?
Obama: boy did you shellack your haid?
Henry: Speaking of GOP spin I just remembered that after 30 years the debt is important!!
Obama: you amuse me - but we can decide not improve our schools and get beat by India and Tuvalu or we can invest and improve America
Henry: i dropped out after third grade and it didn't hurt me none
Obama: your shoes are on the wrong feet Ed
Henry: mah feets?
Henry: but Cuomo Smash! Why you wait to Smash too?
Obama: am in the Journalism Special Olympics?
Q: the Commie Red Chinese think you spend too much!!
Obama: Look I met with Paul Rudd this morning and i told him our fiscal sitution is sound and that 'I Love You Man' was predictable yet amusing
Mike Allen: why do you want to kill all charities?
Obama: You bald inbred twit - the charity tax deduction benefits really rich people and maybe it's time to benefit the bottom 99%
Allen: will you rub my head?
Obama: this is a sick crowd
Allen: but no one will donate anymore!
Obama: well the don't sound too charitable to me
Allen: but are you calling the charities wrong?
Obama: yes
Allen: oh my
Obama: you know what hurts charities?
Allen: gun control?
Obama: Republican economies
Lourdes: ohh la snap!
Question: what do you say to people living under a bridge?
Obama: i tell them it's unacceptable and we are dealing with it by creating more programs and trying to fix the Bush economy
Straight Outta Compton: hey you're black
Obama: i know
Compton: tell us about 64 days of blackness in the White House
Obama: i am focused on the economy but thanks for the odd question
Wingnut: Do you even care about little frozen babies - baby killer!!!
Obama: Look wingnut - I'm trying to save lives and maybe you hadn't heard at Loony School but Bush threw those snowflake babies in the trash
Wingnut: the Holy Trash of Antioch!
Obama: I’m following the science
Wingnut: Science! The Nazis were scientists! What about the Bible?!
Obama: uh right
Brit: The Palestinians and Israelis have gone off the deep end - so how's that middle east peace looking now?
Obama: I truly can't believe the level of Fuckitude I have inherited
Brit: we should have never let that colony go
Obama: hey the Brits and Irish fought and made peace
Brit: i was talking about the American colonies
Obama: i have inherited some very naughty problems and yet I believe in slow, steady, patient progress - i saw a headline on CNN this morning "Geithner - Zero to Hero"
CNN: yeah!
Obama: and i thought it was stupid
CNN: awwww
Obama: Jake Tapper twittered that Iran didn't immediately respond to my overture
Tapper: [ Twitters ]
O-man sed my name
Obama: Look this is like a turning around are very very big sinking ship - so check in with me in four years
Tapper: but but
Obama: I said four years fuckers!!!
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
60 Minutes with Barack Obama - March 22, 2009
60 Minutes
March 22, 2009
Host: Steve Kroft
Guest: President Barack Obama
******************************
Kroft: Were you surprised by the anger at AIG?
Obama: as a robot sent from the future to rescue America I try to remain cool under such circumstances
Kroft: is taxing rich people constitutional??
Obama: shockingly yes
Kroft: but this could affect thousands of innocent white people!!!
Obama: yes I know it’s a tragedy
Kroft: should you fire Tim Geithner
Obama: no way he’s my scapegoat - I mean my negro!
Kroft: why do people keep failing your high standards
Obama: they’re white and used to failing upwards
Kroft: rich people met your plan with a tepid response
Obama: yes I noticed
Kroft: why don’t rich people love your plan?
Obama: they want free money with no strings attached
Kroft: Do Wall Street people trust you to do the right thing and give them trillions for failing
Obama: I was thinking maybe Wall Streeters could get by on, say, 100 times what a teacher makes
Kroft: oh no my friends will quit Wall Street if you pay them less than $150,000 a year
Obama: I am playing the World’s Smallest Violin for them
Kroft: awwww
Obama: gosh am I anti-Wall Street for pointing out that maybe these dicks don’t deserve millions for being the world’s biggest fuck-ups??
Kroft: were you surprised at the depth of Bush’s Depression?
Obama: even I was shocked at the level of his Suckitude
Kroft: Can America still fail?
Obama: there are some institutions that are so big that failure would destroy America
Kroft: like what
Obama: like Rush Limbaugh
Kroft: So the American experiment might crash and burn over greed and credit default swaps?
Obama: I won’t let than happen
Kroft: no?
Obama: not before I find out what’s happening on “Lost”
Kroft: Are we doomed
Obama: I give us 50/50
Kroft: is there light at the end of the tunnel?
Obama: interest rates are negative 10 percent so that’s good
Kroft: will you bailout the auto industry?
Obama: [ laughs ] if I give tax money to those people that I will crucified
Kroft: why are laughing - are you drunk?
Obama: Believe me I wish I was
Kroft: [ takes stiff drink ] you should dude - that’s how I get through the day
Obama: as I muslim I can’t drink
Kroft: Who should we bomb next?
Obama: either Pakistan or Alaska
Kroft: Cheney said if you don’t electrocute testicles we will be attacked again
Obama: that ignorant asshole has nearly wrecked America - he hasn’t made American safer he’s just rewarded Osama bin Laden
Kroft: George Bush released terrorists from Gitmo which is your fault
Obama: of course
Kroft: what should we do with shoplifters?
Obama: the ones who used to work for George Bush?
Kroft: no the regular ones
Obama: um, didn’t Cheney preside over the largest terrorist attack ever?
Kroft: but torture scares people into not attacking us!
Obama: sure maniacal terrorists totally use that logic
Kroft: you run the United States of America - what’s that like?
Obama: typically I open with a little nookie, talk to the Bombing and Empire Committee, and then the America is Fucked Team
Kroft: nice
Obama: I have a short commute to hell so that’s good
Kroft: do you like being President?
Obama: yes I spend most of the day calling old high school friends and say “what are you up to? I’m the motherfucking President!!”
Kroft: what’s the most difficult decision?
Obama: to attack a mountainous desert nation far away
Kroft: did we invade new mexico?
Kroft: what’s hardest about being President?
Obama: cleaning up George Bush’s incredible mess
Kroft: speaking of Bush - do you ever read?
Obama: I do actually - like I read the PDB every day
Kroft: to cover your ass?
Obama: no I’m actually interested
[ outside ]
Obama: this one crazy-ass swing set!
Kroft: are the kids having fun?
Obama: the kids love it and Michelle is gardening!
Kroft: we’ve come so far since slaves tended the grounds
Obama: don’t tempt me Steverino
Kroft: do you ever get lost in the White House?
Obama: It’s like a goddamm game of Clue
Kroft: is this a prison or the White House?
Obama: we’ve got a black man in the White House and Bernie
Madoff in 24-hour lockdown in NYC
Kroft: it’s a crazy world!
**************************************
March 22, 2009
Host: Steve Kroft
Guest: President Barack Obama
******************************
Kroft: Were you surprised by the anger at AIG?
Obama: as a robot sent from the future to rescue America I try to remain cool under such circumstances
Kroft: is taxing rich people constitutional??
Obama: shockingly yes
Kroft: but this could affect thousands of innocent white people!!!
Obama: yes I know it’s a tragedy
Kroft: should you fire Tim Geithner
Obama: no way he’s my scapegoat - I mean my negro!
Kroft: why do people keep failing your high standards
Obama: they’re white and used to failing upwards
Kroft: rich people met your plan with a tepid response
Obama: yes I noticed
Kroft: why don’t rich people love your plan?
Obama: they want free money with no strings attached
Kroft: Do Wall Street people trust you to do the right thing and give them trillions for failing
Obama: I was thinking maybe Wall Streeters could get by on, say, 100 times what a teacher makes
Kroft: oh no my friends will quit Wall Street if you pay them less than $150,000 a year
Obama: I am playing the World’s Smallest Violin for them
Kroft: awwww
Obama: gosh am I anti-Wall Street for pointing out that maybe these dicks don’t deserve millions for being the world’s biggest fuck-ups??
Kroft: were you surprised at the depth of Bush’s Depression?
Obama: even I was shocked at the level of his Suckitude
Kroft: Can America still fail?
Obama: there are some institutions that are so big that failure would destroy America
Kroft: like what
Obama: like Rush Limbaugh
Kroft: So the American experiment might crash and burn over greed and credit default swaps?
Obama: I won’t let than happen
Kroft: no?
Obama: not before I find out what’s happening on “Lost”
Kroft: Are we doomed
Obama: I give us 50/50
Kroft: is there light at the end of the tunnel?
Obama: interest rates are negative 10 percent so that’s good
Kroft: will you bailout the auto industry?
Obama: [ laughs ] if I give tax money to those people that I will crucified
Kroft: why are laughing - are you drunk?
Obama: Believe me I wish I was
Kroft: [ takes stiff drink ] you should dude - that’s how I get through the day
Obama: as I muslim I can’t drink
Kroft: Who should we bomb next?
Obama: either Pakistan or Alaska
Kroft: Cheney said if you don’t electrocute testicles we will be attacked again
Obama: that ignorant asshole has nearly wrecked America - he hasn’t made American safer he’s just rewarded Osama bin Laden
Kroft: George Bush released terrorists from Gitmo which is your fault
Obama: of course
Kroft: what should we do with shoplifters?
Obama: the ones who used to work for George Bush?
Kroft: no the regular ones
Obama: um, didn’t Cheney preside over the largest terrorist attack ever?
Kroft: but torture scares people into not attacking us!
Obama: sure maniacal terrorists totally use that logic
Kroft: you run the United States of America - what’s that like?
Obama: typically I open with a little nookie, talk to the Bombing and Empire Committee, and then the America is Fucked Team
Kroft: nice
Obama: I have a short commute to hell so that’s good
Kroft: do you like being President?
Obama: yes I spend most of the day calling old high school friends and say “what are you up to? I’m the motherfucking President!!”
Kroft: what’s the most difficult decision?
Obama: to attack a mountainous desert nation far away
Kroft: did we invade new mexico?
Kroft: what’s hardest about being President?
Obama: cleaning up George Bush’s incredible mess
Kroft: speaking of Bush - do you ever read?
Obama: I do actually - like I read the PDB every day
Kroft: to cover your ass?
Obama: no I’m actually interested
[ outside ]
Obama: this one crazy-ass swing set!
Kroft: are the kids having fun?
Obama: the kids love it and Michelle is gardening!
Kroft: we’ve come so far since slaves tended the grounds
Obama: don’t tempt me Steverino
Kroft: do you ever get lost in the White House?
Obama: It’s like a goddamm game of Clue
Kroft: is this a prison or the White House?
Obama: we’ve got a black man in the White House and Bernie
Madoff in 24-hour lockdown in NYC
Kroft: it’s a crazy world!
**************************************
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Meet the Press - March 22, 2009
Meet The Press
March 22, 2009
Guests:
Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger (R-Calif.)
Gov. Ed Rendell (D-Penn.)
Mayor Mike Bloomberg (D-NYC)
*******************************************
Gregory: explain the economy to me muscle-man
Schwarzenegger: ve need da bridges and da roads and to vill da potholz
Rendell: we need a Supertrain!!
Gregory: sexy!
Rendell: also sewage plants
Dave: ewwww
Rendell: hey - when you gotta go you gotta go
Bloomberg: for 30 years we put off all the big decisions and now it's time to do the hard work and admit the party is over
Gregory: ok that's fine but hasn't Obama failed?
Bloomberg: no he hasn't you dancing pinhead
Gregory: did Obama hand you a trillion dollars?
Rendell: no but he did serve us Iced Tea
Gregory: Look Americans are used to being promised a free lunch - are they really willing to pay for the things we need??
Schwarzenegger: vhy nawht?
Gregory: what about the light rail being built by hedge funds?
Schwarzenegger: eees a krate investment!
Gregory: ok let's a talk reality - the US government is projecting a huge deficit - we can't afford new bridges!
Bloomberg: sure we can dancing dave - we invest now for the future and turn around the economy at the same time
Gregory: no no no we can't afford it
Bloomberg: you silly right wing shill
Rendell: i agree with Mike that you are a moron
Gregory: the Asbury Park Press said we should put the guys in AIG in prison - also that Bruce rocks!!!!
Schwarzenegger: ah doan care about zee prizon ah just vant to rebilt gullyvornia
Gregory: but the people are angry Conan!!
Rendell: I can tell you people in my state are very angry
Gregory: about teh bonuses?
Rendell: no because they are forced to live in Pennsylvania
Bloomberg: Obama is a workaholic
Gregory: so he is like George Bush
Bloomberg: no i said WORKaholic
Gregory: oh sorry
Gregory: let me quote David Brooks for balance - he said we shouldn't get mad because bonuses are less than the US GDP
Schwarzenegger: vee vill turn crisis into uppodunity lak vee deed in zee Derminator
Gregory: Obama says we should not yield to politics of the moment and then said channel the anger to do something constructive- isn't that breaking your promise?
Rendell: i heard you were an idiot
Gregory: we need to give AIG more money - Obama must defend them even though NBC spent a week stoking the anger
Bloomberg: as the richest person in New York I am quite optimistic
Gregory: there is rampant anger in America!!! Obama must stop the anger the media created!!!
Bloomberg: truly you are a wonder of nonsensical ravings
Rendell: you should appear on Wanking with the Stars
Schwarzenegger: i zuport geither - vee mast accentuate zee bositif
Bloomie: i support timmy as well
Rendell: me too
Gregory: ok ok ok - but it is a political fact that Obama has failed
Rendell: how do you know that
Gregory: Rush Limbaugh said so
Bloomie: Obama is pacing himself
Gregory: Steroid boy people hate you
Schwarzenegger: ess naht a tumor!!
Gregory: huh?
Schwarzenegger: vee mast but beeple to verk - arbeit mach free
Gregory: i don't eat at Arby's
Bloomberg: if we don't get more money from Albany i will personally throw Shelly Silver off the Brooklyn Bridge
Dave: not David Patterson?
Bloomie: too easy
Rendell: by July Americans will feel great and take lunch pails to work
Gregory: Obama joked about the special olympics - so bad!
Gregory: Gov this must hurt you especially since you are a muscle-bound cretin
Schwarzenegger: zats raht peepel laffed at me ven i vas a skinny boy in Owstria
Gregory: that's so sad
Schwarzenegger: i showed zem - i became vamus and zen bowled in zowth affrica and gott beat by Nelzon Mandela
[break ]
Gregory: finally America is going to buy toxic assets from the big banks
Burnett: yes thank god - then the banks will be freed from their mistakes as they should be
Gregory: but the banks might lose a penny - so taxpayers must give them more
Brokaw: some guy sent me an e-mail saying Wall Street misses the days of free money
Gregory: what investors want is clarity
Burnett: that and money for nothing
Gregory: well of course
Burnett: it's unacceptable that they may have to pay taxes on they money they stole
Brokaw: Obama needs to do more and farther and faster - 100 days is too short
Gregory: we must hold Obama to a higher standard than anyone ever
Burnett: right
Brokaw: exactly
Burnett: i spent all weekend talking CEOs and they all like Timmy Geithner - but miss Hank Paulson and his free money
Brokaw: most of us have 2 or 3 houses and need at least one more
Gregory: of course
Brokaw: Obama's questionnaire is 60 pages!
Gregory: what is with all this populist rage that the media is talking about??
Gregory: Pastor Meachem says this just like Hitler and WWII
Brokaw: it turns out Bush and all businessmen were liars
Gregory: wow Obama is really worse than I thought
Brokaw: Citigroup gets free money and single moms are getting screwed
Gregory: the invisible hand is giving us the reach around
Gregory: it’s the invisible hand job
Burnett: the Gilded Age is giving us a Golden Shower
Brokaw: Obama and the GOP need to step up their game like the kids in the NCAA
Gregory: mo' money!!
Burnett: why are people so mad at the thieves?
Gregory: dunno
Burnett: people want Obama to sieze the anger and then give Wall Street trillions
Gregory: NBC spent a week stoking this anger but isn't this 90% tax bill wrong
Brokaw: it's demagoguery - that's what tommy friedman told me!
Gregory: i agree
Brokaw: Wall Streeters deserve a lot of money -- after all they really want it
Brokaw: i went out and talked to the little people out in the rest of America outside of Wall St. and DC
Gregory: who did you talk to?
Brokaw: the CEO of GE Jeff Immelt
Burnett: can we reinflate the bubble?
Gregory: we can if we blow really, really hard
Brokaw: god knows you are trying your best Dave
*******************************
Author: Culture of Truth
March 22, 2009
Guests:
Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger (R-Calif.)
Gov. Ed Rendell (D-Penn.)
Mayor Mike Bloomberg (D-NYC)
*******************************************
Gregory: explain the economy to me muscle-man
Schwarzenegger: ve need da bridges and da roads and to vill da potholz
Rendell: we need a Supertrain!!
Gregory: sexy!
Rendell: also sewage plants
Dave: ewwww
Rendell: hey - when you gotta go you gotta go
Bloomberg: for 30 years we put off all the big decisions and now it's time to do the hard work and admit the party is over
Gregory: ok that's fine but hasn't Obama failed?
Bloomberg: no he hasn't you dancing pinhead
Gregory: did Obama hand you a trillion dollars?
Rendell: no but he did serve us Iced Tea
Gregory: Look Americans are used to being promised a free lunch - are they really willing to pay for the things we need??
Schwarzenegger: vhy nawht?
Gregory: what about the light rail being built by hedge funds?
Schwarzenegger: eees a krate investment!
Gregory: ok let's a talk reality - the US government is projecting a huge deficit - we can't afford new bridges!
Bloomberg: sure we can dancing dave - we invest now for the future and turn around the economy at the same time
Gregory: no no no we can't afford it
Bloomberg: you silly right wing shill
Rendell: i agree with Mike that you are a moron
Gregory: the Asbury Park Press said we should put the guys in AIG in prison - also that Bruce rocks!!!!
Schwarzenegger: ah doan care about zee prizon ah just vant to rebilt gullyvornia
Gregory: but the people are angry Conan!!
Rendell: I can tell you people in my state are very angry
Gregory: about teh bonuses?
Rendell: no because they are forced to live in Pennsylvania
Bloomberg: Obama is a workaholic
Gregory: so he is like George Bush
Bloomberg: no i said WORKaholic
Gregory: oh sorry
Gregory: let me quote David Brooks for balance - he said we shouldn't get mad because bonuses are less than the US GDP
Schwarzenegger: vee vill turn crisis into uppodunity lak vee deed in zee Derminator
Gregory: Obama says we should not yield to politics of the moment and then said channel the anger to do something constructive- isn't that breaking your promise?
Rendell: i heard you were an idiot
Gregory: we need to give AIG more money - Obama must defend them even though NBC spent a week stoking the anger
Bloomberg: as the richest person in New York I am quite optimistic
Gregory: there is rampant anger in America!!! Obama must stop the anger the media created!!!
Bloomberg: truly you are a wonder of nonsensical ravings
Rendell: you should appear on Wanking with the Stars
Schwarzenegger: i zuport geither - vee mast accentuate zee bositif
Bloomie: i support timmy as well
Rendell: me too
Gregory: ok ok ok - but it is a political fact that Obama has failed
Rendell: how do you know that
Gregory: Rush Limbaugh said so
Bloomie: Obama is pacing himself
Gregory: Steroid boy people hate you
Schwarzenegger: ess naht a tumor!!
Gregory: huh?
Schwarzenegger: vee mast but beeple to verk - arbeit mach free
Gregory: i don't eat at Arby's
Bloomberg: if we don't get more money from Albany i will personally throw Shelly Silver off the Brooklyn Bridge
Dave: not David Patterson?
Bloomie: too easy
Rendell: by July Americans will feel great and take lunch pails to work
Gregory: Obama joked about the special olympics - so bad!
Gregory: Gov this must hurt you especially since you are a muscle-bound cretin
Schwarzenegger: zats raht peepel laffed at me ven i vas a skinny boy in Owstria
Gregory: that's so sad
Schwarzenegger: i showed zem - i became vamus and zen bowled in zowth affrica and gott beat by Nelzon Mandela
[break ]
Gregory: finally America is going to buy toxic assets from the big banks
Burnett: yes thank god - then the banks will be freed from their mistakes as they should be
Gregory: but the banks might lose a penny - so taxpayers must give them more
Brokaw: some guy sent me an e-mail saying Wall Street misses the days of free money
Gregory: what investors want is clarity
Burnett: that and money for nothing
Gregory: well of course
Burnett: it's unacceptable that they may have to pay taxes on they money they stole
Brokaw: Obama needs to do more and farther and faster - 100 days is too short
Gregory: we must hold Obama to a higher standard than anyone ever
Burnett: right
Brokaw: exactly
Burnett: i spent all weekend talking CEOs and they all like Timmy Geithner - but miss Hank Paulson and his free money
Brokaw: most of us have 2 or 3 houses and need at least one more
Gregory: of course
Brokaw: Obama's questionnaire is 60 pages!
Gregory: what is with all this populist rage that the media is talking about??
Gregory: Pastor Meachem says this just like Hitler and WWII
Brokaw: it turns out Bush and all businessmen were liars
Gregory: wow Obama is really worse than I thought
Brokaw: Citigroup gets free money and single moms are getting screwed
Gregory: the invisible hand is giving us the reach around
Gregory: it’s the invisible hand job
Burnett: the Gilded Age is giving us a Golden Shower
Brokaw: Obama and the GOP need to step up their game like the kids in the NCAA
Gregory: mo' money!!
Burnett: why are people so mad at the thieves?
Gregory: dunno
Burnett: people want Obama to sieze the anger and then give Wall Street trillions
Gregory: NBC spent a week stoking this anger but isn't this 90% tax bill wrong
Brokaw: it's demagoguery - that's what tommy friedman told me!
Gregory: i agree
Brokaw: Wall Streeters deserve a lot of money -- after all they really want it
Brokaw: i went out and talked to the little people out in the rest of America outside of Wall St. and DC
Gregory: who did you talk to?
Brokaw: the CEO of GE Jeff Immelt
Burnett: can we reinflate the bubble?
Gregory: we can if we blow really, really hard
Brokaw: god knows you are trying your best Dave
*******************************
Author: Culture of Truth
The Chris Matthews Show - March 22, 2009
The Chris Matthews Show
March 22, 2009
Matthews: OMG the AIG bonuses!!! If Obama continues to take all this criticism he will only be elected 4 times like FDR!!!
Kay: Obama is too aloof and out of touch with the public - you can tell because he was just elected President in a landslide
Klein: the little people are angry - the rest of us are smart
Parker: Obama should have known that one penny out of $1,000 was spent on bonuses
Whitaker: Obama has stoke the angry but recall that eventually they guillotined Guillotine
Matthews: Populism is bad! Also we need to get the bad guys!!
Kay: Obama appears to support Geithner
Matthews: where's my money!! I want my money back!!
Klein: Um Chris.. George W Bush took your money
Matthews: When do I get my money back??!!
Klein: Reagan presided over a recession 2 years in!!!
Whitaker: yeah but he was a wonderful white cowboy
Matthews: Matthews Meter - Is Obama finished?
Kay: sure because AIG is a black hole that sucks in all US money
Klein: no that's stupid
Parker: He's toast
Whitaker: and he's black
Matthews: If we have another Depression are at least going have dancing singing newsboys and good music??!!
Old Guy: look I'm a poor man's woody guthrie!!
Matthews: we lost a newspaper this week
Kay: did you look under the couch?
Matthews: no it went out of business
Kay: oh then i'd look on the internet
Matthews: OMFG the internet killed the newspaper i loved and held in my hands is dead
Klein: it's a daily act of devotion and an addiction
Matthews: Our Lady of WaPo and Heroin
Whitaker: the Seattle Post is going to survive - it will just go from 210 reporters to one teenager with a blog
Kay: In Britain newspapers are loss leaders for inbred royalist psychopaths
Parker: in the US they are non-profit centers for conservative lunatics
Matthews: but the beauty of a newspapers I am exposed to extreme weirdness which you can't get on the Internet
Klein: no - I still have a blog
Matthews: no wait I am going to show you a demonstration of something cool I did when i was a paper boy
[ rolls newspaper in a tight tube, masturbates on tv ]
Klein: wow
Kay: oh my god
[ fap fap fap fap fap ]
Matthews: let's you do that with the Huffington Post
Parker: words fail me chris
Chris: tell me something I don’t know
Kay: 100,000 people are dying in Darfur
Klein: I miss Ron Silver - he was crazy but he wuz mah fwend
Parker: Blue Dogs love Obama
Whitaker: AIG owed billions to French and German banks
Chris: mein gott!
Matthews: winners of AIG scandal?
Kay: Jon Stewart and Colbert
Klein: Sarah Palin
Parker: Rush Limbaugh
Whitaker: whoever runs against Chris Dodd
Matthews: Andrew Cuomo! Cuomo Smash!!
March 22, 2009
Matthews: OMG the AIG bonuses!!! If Obama continues to take all this criticism he will only be elected 4 times like FDR!!!
Kay: Obama is too aloof and out of touch with the public - you can tell because he was just elected President in a landslide
Klein: the little people are angry - the rest of us are smart
Parker: Obama should have known that one penny out of $1,000 was spent on bonuses
Whitaker: Obama has stoke the angry but recall that eventually they guillotined Guillotine
Matthews: Populism is bad! Also we need to get the bad guys!!
Kay: Obama appears to support Geithner
Matthews: where's my money!! I want my money back!!
Klein: Um Chris.. George W Bush took your money
Matthews: When do I get my money back??!!
Klein: Reagan presided over a recession 2 years in!!!
Whitaker: yeah but he was a wonderful white cowboy
Matthews: Matthews Meter - Is Obama finished?
Kay: sure because AIG is a black hole that sucks in all US money
Klein: no that's stupid
Parker: He's toast
Whitaker: and he's black
Matthews: If we have another Depression are at least going have dancing singing newsboys and good music??!!
Old Guy: look I'm a poor man's woody guthrie!!
Matthews: we lost a newspaper this week
Kay: did you look under the couch?
Matthews: no it went out of business
Kay: oh then i'd look on the internet
Matthews: OMFG the internet killed the newspaper i loved and held in my hands is dead
Klein: it's a daily act of devotion and an addiction
Matthews: Our Lady of WaPo and Heroin
Whitaker: the Seattle Post is going to survive - it will just go from 210 reporters to one teenager with a blog
Kay: In Britain newspapers are loss leaders for inbred royalist psychopaths
Parker: in the US they are non-profit centers for conservative lunatics
Matthews: but the beauty of a newspapers I am exposed to extreme weirdness which you can't get on the Internet
Klein: no - I still have a blog
Matthews: no wait I am going to show you a demonstration of something cool I did when i was a paper boy
[ rolls newspaper in a tight tube, masturbates on tv ]
Klein: wow
Kay: oh my god
[ fap fap fap fap fap ]
Matthews: let's you do that with the Huffington Post
Parker: words fail me chris
Chris: tell me something I don’t know
Kay: 100,000 people are dying in Darfur
Klein: I miss Ron Silver - he was crazy but he wuz mah fwend
Parker: Blue Dogs love Obama
Whitaker: AIG owed billions to French and German banks
Chris: mein gott!
Matthews: winners of AIG scandal?
Kay: Jon Stewart and Colbert
Klein: Sarah Palin
Parker: Rush Limbaugh
Whitaker: whoever runs against Chris Dodd
Matthews: Andrew Cuomo! Cuomo Smash!!
Friday, March 20, 2009
The Tonight Show with Barack Obama - March 20, 2009
The Tonight Show
Host: Jay Leno
Guest: President Barack Obama
March 20, 2009
*********************
Leno: pleeze welcome our new Black Overlord, Barack Obama
[ band plays theme from the Odd Couple ]
Obama: I am in the House and I am the motherfuckin President!!
Leno: you still look like a young black man and yet something is different about you
Obama: i am surrounded by white men with guns
Leno: well as a black man you should be used to that
Obama: that's true
Leno: things suck now you are president
Obama: well you know we're going to slowly and carefully make the right decisions
Leno: what's the fucking deal with AIG
Obama: they sold a trillion dollars of shit
Leno: oh
Obama: they owe more money than there is on planet earth
Leno: crazee
Obama: so they went bankrupt and gave themselves super-bonuses which is arrogant
Leno: you don't know a lot of white people do you
Leno: let's take away the bonuses and let them sue us
Obama: they wrote rules to give themselves the money by law
Leno: awesome
Obama: there were no checks and balances
Leno: what an odd notion
Obama: whacky
Leno: i hate the bonuses but I am scared that the government now can just tax white people for no reason
Obama: calm down jay - no one's takin your pimped out antique cars negro
Leno: OMG i am frightened as an american that people may have to pay taxes
Obama: well sure but we have to pay for the things that we want to keep the country running
Leno: all right - who's going to jail??
Obama: i hate to tell you this Jayster but white people made all this shit legal
Leno: no!
Obama: no it's true - robbing people from the porch of a country club with a gin and tonic in your hand is legal
Leno: really
Obama: look it up fucker
Leno: These fuckers make Mr. Potter look like a saint
Obama: it turns out that all of Bush's economic growth was all fake
Leno: really?
Obama: Reagan's too
Leno: wow
Obama: we need to steer idiots away from investment banking and to something they can handle like finger painting
Leno: Timmy seems kind of dim
Obama: he was in the financial special olympics
Leno: that's cute
Obama: but the buck stops with me
Leno: ha truman used that metaphor
Obama: no it's actually the last dollar the government has
Leno: where did all our billions go?
Obama: the banks invested it in bonuses, caribbean vacations and million dollar luxury offices for CEOs
Leno: problem solved
Leno: where should people put there money somewhere risky like a bank or safe like the mattress
Obama: well people still need new shit - like new cars - granted they will probably not be america but still Wal Mart will probably get richer
Leno: will we plug in our cars?
Obama: even better - Mattel makes one which runs by pulling it backwards on the carpet
Leno: wow
Leno: let me ask you a personal question - did you have sex in Air Force One
Obama: dude i can't answer that
Leno: c'mon
Obama: dude you know i did
[ high fives Leno ]
Leno: do you still bowl?
Obama: i bowl Full Retard
Leno: you're black - what about basketball?
Obama: we'll tear up the tennis courts which is a silly white sport anyway
Leno: do people lose to the President?
Obama: they do if they don't want to get shot
Leno: who are your Final Four?
Obama: Me, Biden, Hillary and Bill
Leno: awesome
Leno: what about the First Dog
Obama: we're working on it
Leno: you should get a lapdog
Obama: i already have the white house press corps
Host: Jay Leno
Guest: President Barack Obama
March 20, 2009
*********************
Leno: pleeze welcome our new Black Overlord, Barack Obama
[ band plays theme from the Odd Couple ]
Obama: I am in the House and I am the motherfuckin President!!
Leno: you still look like a young black man and yet something is different about you
Obama: i am surrounded by white men with guns
Leno: well as a black man you should be used to that
Obama: that's true
Leno: things suck now you are president
Obama: well you know we're going to slowly and carefully make the right decisions
Leno: what's the fucking deal with AIG
Obama: they sold a trillion dollars of shit
Leno: oh
Obama: they owe more money than there is on planet earth
Leno: crazee
Obama: so they went bankrupt and gave themselves super-bonuses which is arrogant
Leno: you don't know a lot of white people do you
Leno: let's take away the bonuses and let them sue us
Obama: they wrote rules to give themselves the money by law
Leno: awesome
Obama: there were no checks and balances
Leno: what an odd notion
Obama: whacky
Leno: i hate the bonuses but I am scared that the government now can just tax white people for no reason
Obama: calm down jay - no one's takin your pimped out antique cars negro
Leno: OMG i am frightened as an american that people may have to pay taxes
Obama: well sure but we have to pay for the things that we want to keep the country running
Leno: all right - who's going to jail??
Obama: i hate to tell you this Jayster but white people made all this shit legal
Leno: no!
Obama: no it's true - robbing people from the porch of a country club with a gin and tonic in your hand is legal
Leno: really
Obama: look it up fucker
Leno: These fuckers make Mr. Potter look like a saint
Obama: it turns out that all of Bush's economic growth was all fake
Leno: really?
Obama: Reagan's too
Leno: wow
Obama: we need to steer idiots away from investment banking and to something they can handle like finger painting
Leno: Timmy seems kind of dim
Obama: he was in the financial special olympics
Leno: that's cute
Obama: but the buck stops with me
Leno: ha truman used that metaphor
Obama: no it's actually the last dollar the government has
Leno: where did all our billions go?
Obama: the banks invested it in bonuses, caribbean vacations and million dollar luxury offices for CEOs
Leno: problem solved
Leno: where should people put there money somewhere risky like a bank or safe like the mattress
Obama: well people still need new shit - like new cars - granted they will probably not be america but still Wal Mart will probably get richer
Leno: will we plug in our cars?
Obama: even better - Mattel makes one which runs by pulling it backwards on the carpet
Leno: wow
Leno: let me ask you a personal question - did you have sex in Air Force One
Obama: dude i can't answer that
Leno: c'mon
Obama: dude you know i did
[ high fives Leno ]
Leno: do you still bowl?
Obama: i bowl Full Retard
Leno: you're black - what about basketball?
Obama: we'll tear up the tennis courts which is a silly white sport anyway
Leno: do people lose to the President?
Obama: they do if they don't want to get shot
Leno: who are your Final Four?
Obama: Me, Biden, Hillary and Bill
Leno: awesome
Leno: what about the First Dog
Obama: we're working on it
Leno: you should get a lapdog
Obama: i already have the white house press corps
Monday, March 16, 2009
Meet the Press with Christina Romer & Eric Eric Cantor - March 15, 2009
Meet the Press
March 15, 2009
Guests:
Christina Romer
Rep. Eric Cantor
************************
Gregory: are we in a war? I love those
Romer: yes - it’s great that means Obama can seize bankers off the street and put torture them without charges
Gregory: but McCain said the fundamentals of the economy were strong just like Bammy
Romer: yes but he was an out of touch idiot
Gregory: are the fundamentals strong or not
Romer: well sure the earth still has a crust
Gregory: so John McCain was right
Romer: yelling at clouds is not the answer
Gregory: was Bush wrong?
Romer: we were all wrong
Gregory: so that proves you could be wrong
Romer: well sure
Gregory: so don’t the people deserve to know what you’re not planning to do?
Romer: huh?
Gregory: has the stimulus failed?
Romer: give it one more week
Gregory: Paul Krugman says you don’t spend enough
Romer: but he didn’t take into account Obama bought his kids a playhouse
Gregory: will Obama tax employees health care?
Romer: no
Gregory: but I read he would
Romer: where?
Gregory: the National Enquirer - also Lindsay Lohan is in trouble again!
Romer: idiot
Gregory: is it off the table?
Romer: which table?
Gregory: THE table!
Romer: oh that table
Gregory: Bailouts for AIG?
Romer: we’re all very angry about that
Gregory: so what are you going to do?
Romer: we’re writing a strongly worded letter urging them to give the money back
Gregory: so it’s like Albert Brooks in Life in America
Romer: right
Gregory: aren’t we going to war with no troops?
Romer: you know dancin’ dave I had I heard you were a true moron
Gregory: but we have no top people at the Dept of Treasury!!
Romer: I’m sure the nation will survive
Gregory: but you need people with experience on Wall Street to get us out of the mess Wall Street created!
Romer: hey we have very high ethics
Gregory: [ sobs ]
Gregory: we need a detailed blueprint for the next four years!!
Romer: you’re very silly
Gregory: but the first thing FDR did was build a highway on the West side of New York!!
Romer: I don’t think that’s right Gregory
Gregory: the hardest thing is to admit the Pile is made of Shit
Romer: we’re working on admitting that
Gregory: so how do square that Shit Circle?
Romer: I’ll let Obama try sell you that crap
Gregory: what should consumers do now?
Romer: save money but also tomorrow go out and buy a car you can’t afford
[break]
Gregory: hey Congressman is the economy recovering?
Cantor: I’d like to think so but let’s face it - Bush left us with a mess and we need socialism for small businesses
Gregory: oh really - what’s your solution to the crisis?
Cantor: help all the little wonderful puppy and kitten businesses who can’t get loans
Gregory: so what? Ayn Rand would say fuck ‘em
Cantor: Government should get out of the way by guaranteeing all business loans
Gregory: you oppose big government spending and borrowing except for your business friends?
Cantor: right - Obama’s Treasury Dept should take over the American banking system
Gregory: so are you a socialist?
Cantor: Republicans believe we should plant magic beans all over America and then harvest the gold that blossoms thereof
Gregory: interesting - is that all?
Cantor: Oh no - we all plan to bash Barack Obama for not having a blueprint for Any Randian Socialism
Gregory: will you vote for the budget bill?
Cantor: no it’s has to be very focused on helping people in my state
Gregory: fair enough
Cantor: Obama is trying to do much and instead of not doing anything which is much more impressive
Gregory: the GOP just discovered spending problems after 30 years of spending like crazy insane people
Cantor: that’s doesn’t give Democrats an excuse to be as bad as Republicans!
Gregory: did you ever oppose spending??
Cantor: no because Republicans love America and the flag and apple pie and the troops
Gregory: that sounds a little like hypocrisy
Cantor: but there’s a train to Disneyland!!
Gregory: you supported 46,000 earmarks
Cantor: yes but Obama is a magic negro here to save us all
Gregory: you gotta be fucking kidding me
Cantor: look we are very troubled that just because Americans completely rejected the GOP liberal policies are being implemented
Gregory: that is a surprise to you?
Cantor: yes because only Republicans understand America
Gregory: Did Congress drop the ball on the economic crisis?
Cantor: yes we need to follow Ayn Rand’s example and have more Randian Regulation
[ break ]
Gregory: are the Dems hypocrites for saying things have gotten better?
Liesman: but things are better!
Tavis Smiley: I hate bad bailouts
David Frum: I am expert on the Depression
Gregory: why is Obama bad?
Frum: because the stimulus is not big enough
Liesman: coming from you that’s stupid
Frum: true - but that’s no excuse
Katty Kay: Europeans don’t care about the recession because they still have health care and at least there are no concentration camps
Gregory: Jon Stewart pointed out that the media failed - is that true?
Liesman: sadly yes
Gregory: that’s pretty horrible - let’s go to economic expert Tavis Smiley
Smiley: Greed is not speed! Wall Street is not Main Street! Poverty is not Dougherty!
Gregory: what should have been done to stop Americans buying a big house?
Frum: Bush should probably not have lied so much
Smiley: how about fewer tax cuts for the rich?
Frum: that’s crazy talk
Kay: journalists didn’t ask any sensible questions
Liesman: well in their defense - they’re idiots
Gregory: Steele is pro-choice now??
Frum: Steele is warm and exciting and fresh
Gregory: you make him sound like an Oreo Pop Tart
Frum: He’s the best thing to happen to the Republican party since stovepipe hats
Gregory: so when will he be fired
Frum: next week
Smiley: I tell you dude you’re not going to get black voters with this weirdo
Frum: he’s not black - but he’s got great blackiness
Gregory: and we’re done
March 15, 2009
Guests:
Christina Romer
Rep. Eric Cantor
************************
Gregory: are we in a war? I love those
Romer: yes - it’s great that means Obama can seize bankers off the street and put torture them without charges
Gregory: but McCain said the fundamentals of the economy were strong just like Bammy
Romer: yes but he was an out of touch idiot
Gregory: are the fundamentals strong or not
Romer: well sure the earth still has a crust
Gregory: so John McCain was right
Romer: yelling at clouds is not the answer
Gregory: was Bush wrong?
Romer: we were all wrong
Gregory: so that proves you could be wrong
Romer: well sure
Gregory: so don’t the people deserve to know what you’re not planning to do?
Romer: huh?
Gregory: has the stimulus failed?
Romer: give it one more week
Gregory: Paul Krugman says you don’t spend enough
Romer: but he didn’t take into account Obama bought his kids a playhouse
Gregory: will Obama tax employees health care?
Romer: no
Gregory: but I read he would
Romer: where?
Gregory: the National Enquirer - also Lindsay Lohan is in trouble again!
Romer: idiot
Gregory: is it off the table?
Romer: which table?
Gregory: THE table!
Romer: oh that table
Gregory: Bailouts for AIG?
Romer: we’re all very angry about that
Gregory: so what are you going to do?
Romer: we’re writing a strongly worded letter urging them to give the money back
Gregory: so it’s like Albert Brooks in Life in America
Romer: right
Gregory: aren’t we going to war with no troops?
Romer: you know dancin’ dave I had I heard you were a true moron
Gregory: but we have no top people at the Dept of Treasury!!
Romer: I’m sure the nation will survive
Gregory: but you need people with experience on Wall Street to get us out of the mess Wall Street created!
Romer: hey we have very high ethics
Gregory: [ sobs ]
Gregory: we need a detailed blueprint for the next four years!!
Romer: you’re very silly
Gregory: but the first thing FDR did was build a highway on the West side of New York!!
Romer: I don’t think that’s right Gregory
Gregory: the hardest thing is to admit the Pile is made of Shit
Romer: we’re working on admitting that
Gregory: so how do square that Shit Circle?
Romer: I’ll let Obama try sell you that crap
Gregory: what should consumers do now?
Romer: save money but also tomorrow go out and buy a car you can’t afford
[break]
Gregory: hey Congressman is the economy recovering?
Cantor: I’d like to think so but let’s face it - Bush left us with a mess and we need socialism for small businesses
Gregory: oh really - what’s your solution to the crisis?
Cantor: help all the little wonderful puppy and kitten businesses who can’t get loans
Gregory: so what? Ayn Rand would say fuck ‘em
Cantor: Government should get out of the way by guaranteeing all business loans
Gregory: you oppose big government spending and borrowing except for your business friends?
Cantor: right - Obama’s Treasury Dept should take over the American banking system
Gregory: so are you a socialist?
Cantor: Republicans believe we should plant magic beans all over America and then harvest the gold that blossoms thereof
Gregory: interesting - is that all?
Cantor: Oh no - we all plan to bash Barack Obama for not having a blueprint for Any Randian Socialism
Gregory: will you vote for the budget bill?
Cantor: no it’s has to be very focused on helping people in my state
Gregory: fair enough
Cantor: Obama is trying to do much and instead of not doing anything which is much more impressive
Gregory: the GOP just discovered spending problems after 30 years of spending like crazy insane people
Cantor: that’s doesn’t give Democrats an excuse to be as bad as Republicans!
Gregory: did you ever oppose spending??
Cantor: no because Republicans love America and the flag and apple pie and the troops
Gregory: that sounds a little like hypocrisy
Cantor: but there’s a train to Disneyland!!
Gregory: you supported 46,000 earmarks
Cantor: yes but Obama is a magic negro here to save us all
Gregory: you gotta be fucking kidding me
Cantor: look we are very troubled that just because Americans completely rejected the GOP liberal policies are being implemented
Gregory: that is a surprise to you?
Cantor: yes because only Republicans understand America
Gregory: Did Congress drop the ball on the economic crisis?
Cantor: yes we need to follow Ayn Rand’s example and have more Randian Regulation
[ break ]
Gregory: are the Dems hypocrites for saying things have gotten better?
Liesman: but things are better!
Tavis Smiley: I hate bad bailouts
David Frum: I am expert on the Depression
Gregory: why is Obama bad?
Frum: because the stimulus is not big enough
Liesman: coming from you that’s stupid
Frum: true - but that’s no excuse
Katty Kay: Europeans don’t care about the recession because they still have health care and at least there are no concentration camps
Gregory: Jon Stewart pointed out that the media failed - is that true?
Liesman: sadly yes
Gregory: that’s pretty horrible - let’s go to economic expert Tavis Smiley
Smiley: Greed is not speed! Wall Street is not Main Street! Poverty is not Dougherty!
Gregory: what should have been done to stop Americans buying a big house?
Frum: Bush should probably not have lied so much
Smiley: how about fewer tax cuts for the rich?
Frum: that’s crazy talk
Kay: journalists didn’t ask any sensible questions
Liesman: well in their defense - they’re idiots
Gregory: Steele is pro-choice now??
Frum: Steele is warm and exciting and fresh
Gregory: you make him sound like an Oreo Pop Tart
Frum: He’s the best thing to happen to the Republican party since stovepipe hats
Gregory: so when will he be fired
Frum: next week
Smiley: I tell you dude you’re not going to get black voters with this weirdo
Frum: he’s not black - but he’s got great blackiness
Gregory: and we’re done
The Chris Matthew Show - March 15, 2009
The Chris Matthew Show
March 15, 2009
Matthews: can Obama cure my illness?
Fineman: no he must explain how all lending works
Tweety: I love you - you’re the best! -- but you’re not bashing Obama enough
Burnett: did you know Banks are not America’s biggest lenders!
Tweety: who are?
Burnett: mafia loansharks
Tweety: Timmy Geither is confusing!!
Sorkin: Look who talking
Fineman: he’s too much of an insider - he’s a green eyeshade guy
Tweety: so who’s doing the White House public relations?
Fineman: Larry Summers
Tweety: oh no
Burnett: all we know is that it’s very important that the big bankers stay rich
Tweety: will Obama give me more money?
Sorkin: everyone thinks we should have a bigger stimulus
Fineman: it will never happen
Tweety: who will stop it?
Fienman: John Boehner and the Electric Randians
Tweety: what’s wrong with America?
Burnett: we borrowed too much money
Tweety: so let’s borrow more money?
Burnett: yes also let’s name some more airports after Ronald Reagan
Tweety: are we all bottoms now?
Burnett: not yet
Sorkin: Jon Stewart will get me for whatever I say
Tweety: don’t flatter yourself opie
Tweety: OMG Obama has abdicated all his power to Rahm Emmanuel!!!
Fineman: that’s right - Congress is writing all the spending bills!!
Tweety: I love it!!
Kornblut: it’s crazy just because Obama is trying to get things done
Tweety: but it’s not like Hillary with health care in 1993!
Tweety: Obama is scaring the money people!!
Sorkin: that’s all you ever say idiot
Tweety: Obama is doing everything which means he has given away all his power!
Fineman: he’s a stud but he needs to get on the road
Sorkin: you just complained that he was on the road too much!!
Fineman: that’s true -- but the point is that he sucks
Burnett: Wall Street thinks he’s doing a good job
Tweety: no no no!
Burnett: the good news Nebraska is hiring telemarkers and casinos in Iowa are doing well!
Fineman: If Franken finally the nasty pro-unions bill will pass
Kornblut: people love the troops which will be good when martial law comes
Sokin: Hank Paulson was right!
Burnett: recovery by 2010!
Sorkin: recovery by 2009 but you just won’t feel it
Kornblut: the Dems will fail!
Fineman: Nes! No!
Tweety: you’re all so smart!
March 15, 2009
Matthews: can Obama cure my illness?
Fineman: no he must explain how all lending works
Tweety: I love you - you’re the best! -- but you’re not bashing Obama enough
Burnett: did you know Banks are not America’s biggest lenders!
Tweety: who are?
Burnett: mafia loansharks
Tweety: Timmy Geither is confusing!!
Sorkin: Look who talking
Fineman: he’s too much of an insider - he’s a green eyeshade guy
Tweety: so who’s doing the White House public relations?
Fineman: Larry Summers
Tweety: oh no
Burnett: all we know is that it’s very important that the big bankers stay rich
Tweety: will Obama give me more money?
Sorkin: everyone thinks we should have a bigger stimulus
Fineman: it will never happen
Tweety: who will stop it?
Fienman: John Boehner and the Electric Randians
Tweety: what’s wrong with America?
Burnett: we borrowed too much money
Tweety: so let’s borrow more money?
Burnett: yes also let’s name some more airports after Ronald Reagan
Tweety: are we all bottoms now?
Burnett: not yet
Sorkin: Jon Stewart will get me for whatever I say
Tweety: don’t flatter yourself opie
Tweety: OMG Obama has abdicated all his power to Rahm Emmanuel!!!
Fineman: that’s right - Congress is writing all the spending bills!!
Tweety: I love it!!
Kornblut: it’s crazy just because Obama is trying to get things done
Tweety: but it’s not like Hillary with health care in 1993!
Tweety: Obama is scaring the money people!!
Sorkin: that’s all you ever say idiot
Tweety: Obama is doing everything which means he has given away all his power!
Fineman: he’s a stud but he needs to get on the road
Sorkin: you just complained that he was on the road too much!!
Fineman: that’s true -- but the point is that he sucks
Burnett: Wall Street thinks he’s doing a good job
Tweety: no no no!
Burnett: the good news Nebraska is hiring telemarkers and casinos in Iowa are doing well!
Fineman: If Franken finally the nasty pro-unions bill will pass
Kornblut: people love the troops which will be good when martial law comes
Sokin: Hank Paulson was right!
Burnett: recovery by 2010!
Sorkin: recovery by 2009 but you just won’t feel it
Kornblut: the Dems will fail!
Fineman: Nes! No!
Tweety: you’re all so smart!
Thursday, March 12, 2009
The Daily Show with guest Jim Cramer - March 12, 2009
The Daily Show
March 12, 2009
Guest: Jim Cramer
********************
Stewart: why are we fighting?
Cramer: i dunno i love you
Stewart: i wasn't attacking you personally
Cramer: well i did get a lot of things wrong
Stewart: yeah i know
Stewart: we're both selling snake oil but you're actually a snake
Cramer: hey i'm just a humble unfrozen caveman
Stewart: how did you make money on Wall Street
Cramer: i cheated by hyping worthless stocks
Stewart: are you the good jim cramer or the bad jim cramer
Cramer: which channel am i on
Stewart: tv can be a powerful force for good
Cramer: like The A-Team
Stewart: it seems like ordinary people are paying for your fucking game
Cramer: hey you've seen my show - i play a fucking lunatic - I'm exposing the craziness of wall street
Stewart: good point
Cramer: we give the people what they want
Stewart: but you lie and manipulate the market!
Cramer: it’s all in fun
Stewart: it’s not a fucking game dude!
Cramer: hey I’m revealing it all
Stewart: you knew what was going on and puffed stocks - that’s disengenous at best and criminal at worst
Cramer: hey I’m not the crook here - they lied to me!
Stewart: are you a journalist or trying to hype the market?
Cramer: I’m just a dumbass
Stewart: you sell the idea of money for nothing
Cramer: beats working for a living
Stewart: who are you responsible to - the public or the fast-trading criminals?
Cramer: our responsibility is to attack Barack Obama
Stewart: you're a fucking circus act
Cramer: i'm no edward r murrow
Stewart: you're edward r moron
Cramer: i rant for a living
Stewart: well congrats asshole cause you killed america
March 12, 2009
Guest: Jim Cramer
********************
Stewart: why are we fighting?
Cramer: i dunno i love you
Stewart: i wasn't attacking you personally
Cramer: well i did get a lot of things wrong
Stewart: yeah i know
Stewart: we're both selling snake oil but you're actually a snake
Cramer: hey i'm just a humble unfrozen caveman
Stewart: how did you make money on Wall Street
Cramer: i cheated by hyping worthless stocks
Stewart: are you the good jim cramer or the bad jim cramer
Cramer: which channel am i on
Stewart: tv can be a powerful force for good
Cramer: like The A-Team
Stewart: it seems like ordinary people are paying for your fucking game
Cramer: hey you've seen my show - i play a fucking lunatic - I'm exposing the craziness of wall street
Stewart: good point
Cramer: we give the people what they want
Stewart: but you lie and manipulate the market!
Cramer: it’s all in fun
Stewart: it’s not a fucking game dude!
Cramer: hey I’m revealing it all
Stewart: you knew what was going on and puffed stocks - that’s disengenous at best and criminal at worst
Cramer: hey I’m not the crook here - they lied to me!
Stewart: are you a journalist or trying to hype the market?
Cramer: I’m just a dumbass
Stewart: you sell the idea of money for nothing
Cramer: beats working for a living
Stewart: who are you responsible to - the public or the fast-trading criminals?
Cramer: our responsibility is to attack Barack Obama
Stewart: you're a fucking circus act
Cramer: i'm no edward r murrow
Stewart: you're edward r moron
Cramer: i rant for a living
Stewart: well congrats asshole cause you killed america
Sunday, March 08, 2009
Meet The Press - March 8, 2009
March 8, 2009
Guests:
Sen. Chuck Schumer
Sen. Lindsay Graham
*************************
Gregory: America is completely in the toilet and the stimulus package has failed - so says the neocon Washington Post and John McCain's advisor!!!
Graham: we need free and easy credit
Gregory: but the path is unwinding - do we need a Wonderwall?
Schumer: he dude - the stimulus package and housing plan were just enacted!
Gregory: yeah yeah yeah - but America has a confidence problem and we're writing checks we can't cash
Schumer: stop quoting Top Gun
Gregory: i love that movie - it's mavericky!!
Gregory: Has Obama FAILED to restore confidence by not shuttering all banks?
Schumer: I always heard you were a wanker and a dick
Gregory: yes
Schumer: look he just took office you idiot
Graham: I'm very very sad and disappointed that Obama has ruined the stock market with all his debts
Schumer: say that in Brooklyn Lindy
Graham: i miss the days when massive debts didn't matter
Schumer: like Saint Ronnie
Graham: he mister we need a man like a Herbert Hoover again
Schumer: hell even McCain's advisor says we should spend more!
Graham: sure but don't raise taxes!
Schumer: but that would make the debt worse!
Graham: right!
Schumer: well which is it?!
Graham: we need magic beans!!!
Schumer: we need to guarantee car loans
Graham: yay
Gregory: should we nationalize banks?
Graham: no this is very expensive
Schumer: unlike the Iraq war
Graham: you can't throw good money after bad
Schumer: the Iraq war turned a profit?
Graham: oh it will someday!
Schumer: don't call it nationalization call it social nationalism
Graham: i like it
Schumer: the government should take the bad assets and bury them in Yucca Mountain
Graham: where we can pretend they never existed
Schumer: right - he guess what i called Tim Geithner
Gregory: what happened
Schumer: he put me on hold and ran into the bathroom and jumped out the window
Graham: you can't throw good money after bad
Gregory: you already said that
Graham: ok I'm a southern zombie
Schumer: in Brooklyn we use clawbacks
Gregory: speaking of quoting Republicans let's highlight John McCain
Gregory: should we get rid of all earmarks?
Graham: no - just Democrat ones
Gregory: he twittered against your Myrtle
Graham: no that's a good project - Myrtle beach is running dangerously short of mini golf courses
Gregory: where's the reform??
Schumer: we tattoo earmarks on every Congressman's ear now
Gregory: Chuckie you have earmarks too
Schumer: hey as we speak peter petrelli is threatening to explode and destroy New York city
Gregory: speaking of Rush Limbaugh - is he too awesome?
Graham: allow me to apologize in advance for insulting Rush
Gregory: me as well
Graham: stop talking about him - he calls me names like "Lindsay"!!
Schumer: he calls me that "camera hungry jew"
Gregory: he just calls me
[ great ]
Gregory: could we have another Depression and would that be really Great???
Ahamed: we could if try to address the deficit and not spend enough
Gregory: so we should be Republicans?
Ahamed: no I said the opposite dimwit
Gregory: OMG how could GE be in a trouble - GOD help us all!
Burnett: there are no real problems - just fear and lack of confidence
Gregory: we need national Viagra
Gregory: so what is causing all these problems
Burnett: the media
Gregory: no things are really bad - help me Mort
Zuckerman: it's all confidence - hell I've stopping picking up $100 bills of the street
Gregory: Let me quote the Wall Street Journal
Gingrich: conducting a War on the Rich and Successful will lead them to put their money in a mattress
Gregory: so sad
Gingrich: a clawback will take money that people thought they had earned which definitely put a crimp in the time-machine business
Gregory: so Mort we've established that Obama has ruined America
Mort: I don't agree
Gregory: away with you!
Gregory: Why doesn't Obama make people confident but shutting down all ATMs?
Ahamed: my stars you are quite the moron aren't you?
Burnett: maybe we could let AIG fail
Gregory: so sad
Gingrich: look this is a whole new world - a Senator actually called CEOs idiots!
Gregory: no!
Gingrich: he should have been responsible and accused the Democrats for drowning susan smith's children
Gregory: exactly
Gingrich: Obama needs to decide if he is going to succeed or do the right thing or adopt Republican policies
Gregory: why hasn't Obama solved all of America's problems?
Mort: gee i don't know maybe they're hard to solve?
Burnett: he's fulfilling promises - which is an odd experience
Gregory: the eastern europe economy is not doing good
Ahamed: Dracula has been reduced to drinking V-8
Gregory: everybody has to sacrifice
Ahamed: we need people to be responsible
Gingrich: I'm not impressed by Obama he has a lot to learn
Gregory: you could teach him
Gingrich: right he's never served his dying wife with divorce papers in the hospital
Gingrich: no one is going to start a new business with Obama talking about shutting down the Metropolitan Opera
Zuckerman: i have to say that Newt is a true idiot
Gregory: but i looove him
Zuckerman: we need to fix the economy
Burnett: Lazy sick people are going to bankrupt America
Gregory: why is Obama doing to so much
Burnett: Obama is moving at light speed - he needs to slow down and let the rest of us catch up
Gingrich: i will be proven right - we need to have an emergency dialog and admit that the Democrats cause all immorality
Gregory: we need a bigger bloat
Ahamed: the strong must help the weak
Gregory: Newt you said Obama is just like Nixon and Haldemen who were criminals
Newt: Exactly - objecting to Rush's hate will stop us from coming together as a nation - attacking Rush is partisan
Gregory: so Rush is the Republican party?
Newt: um no did I just say that?
Gregory: yes
Newt: this nation has to have once in a 100-year conversation about why homeless women should get free laptops unless they are having their period
Gregory: you're such an idea man!!
Guests:
Sen. Chuck Schumer
Sen. Lindsay Graham
*************************
Gregory: America is completely in the toilet and the stimulus package has failed - so says the neocon Washington Post and John McCain's advisor!!!
Graham: we need free and easy credit
Gregory: but the path is unwinding - do we need a Wonderwall?
Schumer: he dude - the stimulus package and housing plan were just enacted!
Gregory: yeah yeah yeah - but America has a confidence problem and we're writing checks we can't cash
Schumer: stop quoting Top Gun
Gregory: i love that movie - it's mavericky!!
Gregory: Has Obama FAILED to restore confidence by not shuttering all banks?
Schumer: I always heard you were a wanker and a dick
Gregory: yes
Schumer: look he just took office you idiot
Graham: I'm very very sad and disappointed that Obama has ruined the stock market with all his debts
Schumer: say that in Brooklyn Lindy
Graham: i miss the days when massive debts didn't matter
Schumer: like Saint Ronnie
Graham: he mister we need a man like a Herbert Hoover again
Schumer: hell even McCain's advisor says we should spend more!
Graham: sure but don't raise taxes!
Schumer: but that would make the debt worse!
Graham: right!
Schumer: well which is it?!
Graham: we need magic beans!!!
Schumer: we need to guarantee car loans
Graham: yay
Gregory: should we nationalize banks?
Graham: no this is very expensive
Schumer: unlike the Iraq war
Graham: you can't throw good money after bad
Schumer: the Iraq war turned a profit?
Graham: oh it will someday!
Schumer: don't call it nationalization call it social nationalism
Graham: i like it
Schumer: the government should take the bad assets and bury them in Yucca Mountain
Graham: where we can pretend they never existed
Schumer: right - he guess what i called Tim Geithner
Gregory: what happened
Schumer: he put me on hold and ran into the bathroom and jumped out the window
Graham: you can't throw good money after bad
Gregory: you already said that
Graham: ok I'm a southern zombie
Schumer: in Brooklyn we use clawbacks
Gregory: speaking of quoting Republicans let's highlight John McCain
Gregory: should we get rid of all earmarks?
Graham: no - just Democrat ones
Gregory: he twittered against your Myrtle
Graham: no that's a good project - Myrtle beach is running dangerously short of mini golf courses
Gregory: where's the reform??
Schumer: we tattoo earmarks on every Congressman's ear now
Gregory: Chuckie you have earmarks too
Schumer: hey as we speak peter petrelli is threatening to explode and destroy New York city
Gregory: speaking of Rush Limbaugh - is he too awesome?
Graham: allow me to apologize in advance for insulting Rush
Gregory: me as well
Graham: stop talking about him - he calls me names like "Lindsay"!!
Schumer: he calls me that "camera hungry jew"
Gregory: he just calls me
[ great ]
Gregory: could we have another Depression and would that be really Great???
Ahamed: we could if try to address the deficit and not spend enough
Gregory: so we should be Republicans?
Ahamed: no I said the opposite dimwit
Gregory: OMG how could GE be in a trouble - GOD help us all!
Burnett: there are no real problems - just fear and lack of confidence
Gregory: we need national Viagra
Gregory: so what is causing all these problems
Burnett: the media
Gregory: no things are really bad - help me Mort
Zuckerman: it's all confidence - hell I've stopping picking up $100 bills of the street
Gregory: Let me quote the Wall Street Journal
Gingrich: conducting a War on the Rich and Successful will lead them to put their money in a mattress
Gregory: so sad
Gingrich: a clawback will take money that people thought they had earned which definitely put a crimp in the time-machine business
Gregory: so Mort we've established that Obama has ruined America
Mort: I don't agree
Gregory: away with you!
Gregory: Why doesn't Obama make people confident but shutting down all ATMs?
Ahamed: my stars you are quite the moron aren't you?
Burnett: maybe we could let AIG fail
Gregory: so sad
Gingrich: look this is a whole new world - a Senator actually called CEOs idiots!
Gregory: no!
Gingrich: he should have been responsible and accused the Democrats for drowning susan smith's children
Gregory: exactly
Gingrich: Obama needs to decide if he is going to succeed or do the right thing or adopt Republican policies
Gregory: why hasn't Obama solved all of America's problems?
Mort: gee i don't know maybe they're hard to solve?
Burnett: he's fulfilling promises - which is an odd experience
Gregory: the eastern europe economy is not doing good
Ahamed: Dracula has been reduced to drinking V-8
Gregory: everybody has to sacrifice
Ahamed: we need people to be responsible
Gingrich: I'm not impressed by Obama he has a lot to learn
Gregory: you could teach him
Gingrich: right he's never served his dying wife with divorce papers in the hospital
Gingrich: no one is going to start a new business with Obama talking about shutting down the Metropolitan Opera
Zuckerman: i have to say that Newt is a true idiot
Gregory: but i looove him
Zuckerman: we need to fix the economy
Burnett: Lazy sick people are going to bankrupt America
Gregory: why is Obama doing to so much
Burnett: Obama is moving at light speed - he needs to slow down and let the rest of us catch up
Gingrich: i will be proven right - we need to have an emergency dialog and admit that the Democrats cause all immorality
Gregory: we need a bigger bloat
Ahamed: the strong must help the weak
Gregory: Newt you said Obama is just like Nixon and Haldemen who were criminals
Newt: Exactly - objecting to Rush's hate will stop us from coming together as a nation - attacking Rush is partisan
Gregory: so Rush is the Republican party?
Newt: um no did I just say that?
Gregory: yes
Newt: this nation has to have once in a 100-year conversation about why homeless women should get free laptops unless they are having their period
Gregory: you're such an idea man!!
Hardball - March 8, 2009
Hardball
March 8, 2009
*********************************
Tweety: OMG the Dow is the most important thing ever!!!!
Regan: No it’s about systemic business problems and not Obama
Tweety: so Trish what you are saying is that it's all Obama's fault
Stengel: it's like that famous chinese character
Tweety: which one?
Stengel: Fu Manchu
Tweety: so Obama’s Tax and Spend is scaring the money people
Parker: that is stupid
Page: no I disagree Kathleen no that is very, very stupid
Tweety: ok i know nothing about money - so let's talk about politics
Regan: there was hope and now there is disappointment
Tweety: oh that disappointing Obama!
Tweety: I love Rush Limbaugh because he defends capitalism
Page: that is so fucking moronic
Tweety: Rush Limbaugh’s have numbers have doubled and Obama’s have not
[smirks ]
Page: you can't double 80% approval stupid
Tweety: so what you are saying is Obama destroyed the stock market
Parker: um no idiot
Tweety: Obama - worst President ever?
Page: ha
Parker: you are a silly person
Tweey: OMG Limbaugh is very very important because he
invited Obama to debate him and Obama didn't!!!!
Page: [ mimics shooting self in head ]
Tweety: OMG I love Rush Limbaugh but he never he a pussy on his lap!!
Page: [ mimic hanging self ]
Tweety: OMG I may have to wank into my golden years!!!
Stengel: the good new is that stocks are way way down are are still overvalued
Tweety: the sharpies are coming!
Regan: you should put $1 million in the market now!
Page: capital is clogged up we need a financial Drano!
Tweety: I'm thinking of moving out of my parent's basement
Stengel: indeed if your home is martha's vineyard is two years old you need a new one
Tweety: your grandparents and grandchildren are competing for the same jobs at McDonald's
Parker: the illegals!
Tweety: who's an "illegal" - Jose or Bernie??
Tweety: tell me something cause i'm dumb
Regan: bet against the uro!
Tweety: Ha!
Stengel: what people don't realize is that the health system isn't perfect
Tweety: no!
Parker: obama will raise taxes in 2015
Tweety: oh noes!!
Page: Burris wins!!
Tweety: Wow!
March 8, 2009
*********************************
Tweety: OMG the Dow is the most important thing ever!!!!
Regan: No it’s about systemic business problems and not Obama
Tweety: so Trish what you are saying is that it's all Obama's fault
Stengel: it's like that famous chinese character
Tweety: which one?
Stengel: Fu Manchu
Tweety: so Obama’s Tax and Spend is scaring the money people
Parker: that is stupid
Page: no I disagree Kathleen no that is very, very stupid
Tweety: ok i know nothing about money - so let's talk about politics
Regan: there was hope and now there is disappointment
Tweety: oh that disappointing Obama!
Tweety: I love Rush Limbaugh because he defends capitalism
Page: that is so fucking moronic
Tweety: Rush Limbaugh’s have numbers have doubled and Obama’s have not
[smirks ]
Page: you can't double 80% approval stupid
Tweety: so what you are saying is Obama destroyed the stock market
Parker: um no idiot
Tweety: Obama - worst President ever?
Page: ha
Parker: you are a silly person
Tweey: OMG Limbaugh is very very important because he
invited Obama to debate him and Obama didn't!!!!
Page: [ mimics shooting self in head ]
Tweety: OMG I love Rush Limbaugh but he never he a pussy on his lap!!
Page: [ mimic hanging self ]
Tweety: OMG I may have to wank into my golden years!!!
Stengel: the good new is that stocks are way way down are are still overvalued
Tweety: the sharpies are coming!
Regan: you should put $1 million in the market now!
Page: capital is clogged up we need a financial Drano!
Tweety: I'm thinking of moving out of my parent's basement
Stengel: indeed if your home is martha's vineyard is two years old you need a new one
Tweety: your grandparents and grandchildren are competing for the same jobs at McDonald's
Parker: the illegals!
Tweety: who's an "illegal" - Jose or Bernie??
Tweety: tell me something cause i'm dumb
Regan: bet against the uro!
Tweety: Ha!
Stengel: what people don't realize is that the health system isn't perfect
Tweety: no!
Parker: obama will raise taxes in 2015
Tweety: oh noes!!
Page: Burris wins!!
Tweety: Wow!
Sunday, March 01, 2009
Meet The Press - March 1, 2009
Meet The Press
March 1, 2009
Host:
David Gregory
Guests:
Harold Ford
Joe Scarborough
Dee Dee Myers
Mike Murphy
***********************************
Gregory: holy shit Obama is reversing the ideas of ronald reagan!!
Scarborough: Obama is just another liberal big liberal spender like liberal George W Bush - it's so sad i thought we were getting change from the past eight years - finally some conservative government!
Murphy: It’s disappointing just because Republicans suck Obama is taking advantage of it to be liberal
Gregory: just terrible - as usual he is cheating by being popular
Murphy: if we're going to get a French Revolution we're should guillotine some peasants too out of fairness
Gregory: the Heritage Foundation say Obama is very unfair
Ford: oh please the rich control half the wealth in this nation and Republicans said Bill Clinton's first budget was going to kill America and they were proven fucking wrong
Scarborough: no the good economy in the 90s was due to good Republicans like Bill Clinton not a liberal Democrats like George Bush
Gregory: [high pitched squeaky voice ] OMG Congress is free-spending!!
Myers: so?
Gregory: but Judd Gregg says it's bad!!
Myers: Obama's trying to solve real problems dude
Murphy: there is not enough money for killing brown people in this budget but at least he did cut money for the elderly
Gregory: Where are the cuts?!? Where are the cuts?!?
Ford: you're like Ayn Rand with Tourette's
Scarborough: i'm so disappointed with Obama - i thought he was a conservative republican would eliminate Medicaid [ begins weeping ]
Murphy: indeed it's so so sad - so so disappointing
Gregory: omg i've been asleep since 1980 - spending is bad!!!!
Ford: Obama should be primaried by a young black man if the deficit is not cut in half in 4 years
Gregory: you said it!
Ford: Joe Scarborough is probably right
Obama: Bring it on fuckers!!
Myers: you want a piece of him!?!
Scarborough: it's like me threatening an intern
Murphy: it's such a trick - he's cheating because people want to live like the French
Ford: i disagree with Joe Scar - Obama should adopt some Republican policies!
Murphy: he's just like Bush!
Gregory: I want to talk about Republicans
Ford: weren't we?
Gregory: let me quote Rush Limbaugh
Audience: [ oh for god's sake ]
Murphy: we have to step back and figure out what the fuck went wrong with the GOP
Gregory: not dickish enough?
Murphy: we all worship ronald reagan
Gregory: of course
Murphy: but we must reach out to more people than the Rush-loving crazies
Gregory: tell us how Republicans can please restore Republican ideas please!
Scarborough: vote for a third party - "the RePUBlican party"
Murphy: the good news is that Obama has turned Left
Gregory: why is he such a terrible radical Lefty?
Ford: Because this is what Americans want
Murphy: France! The French! France!
Scarborough: only I know what works - I was so successful in Congress I had to quit
Ford: hey Bush got Dems to go along with him and look what that got him
Gregory: let's return to bashing Obama and shilling for Republicans
Ford: indeed Dancin’ Dave
Gregory: look at my running tally of Government Spending
Scarborough: i love you man
Gregory: wait I'm not finished - Obama also brought the Dow down!!!
Ford: Obama is crippled!!
Gregory: Obama will fail and people hate him!!
Scarborough: exactly - the National Debt is Obama's fault!!!
Gregory: so clearly the GOP will sweep in 2010
Scar: sure we all know that - but by then America will be fucked
Murphy: Democrats are worse that Republicans who got us into Iraq!!!
Scar: of course - vote RePUBlican!!
Gregory: please follow this fascinating discussion on my Twitter page DancinDave@twitter
March 1, 2009
Host:
David Gregory
Guests:
Harold Ford
Joe Scarborough
Dee Dee Myers
Mike Murphy
***********************************
Gregory: holy shit Obama is reversing the ideas of ronald reagan!!
Scarborough: Obama is just another liberal big liberal spender like liberal George W Bush - it's so sad i thought we were getting change from the past eight years - finally some conservative government!
Murphy: It’s disappointing just because Republicans suck Obama is taking advantage of it to be liberal
Gregory: just terrible - as usual he is cheating by being popular
Murphy: if we're going to get a French Revolution we're should guillotine some peasants too out of fairness
Gregory: the Heritage Foundation say Obama is very unfair
Ford: oh please the rich control half the wealth in this nation and Republicans said Bill Clinton's first budget was going to kill America and they were proven fucking wrong
Scarborough: no the good economy in the 90s was due to good Republicans like Bill Clinton not a liberal Democrats like George Bush
Gregory: [high pitched squeaky voice ] OMG Congress is free-spending!!
Myers: so?
Gregory: but Judd Gregg says it's bad!!
Myers: Obama's trying to solve real problems dude
Murphy: there is not enough money for killing brown people in this budget but at least he did cut money for the elderly
Gregory: Where are the cuts?!? Where are the cuts?!?
Ford: you're like Ayn Rand with Tourette's
Scarborough: i'm so disappointed with Obama - i thought he was a conservative republican would eliminate Medicaid [ begins weeping ]
Murphy: indeed it's so so sad - so so disappointing
Gregory: omg i've been asleep since 1980 - spending is bad!!!!
Ford: Obama should be primaried by a young black man if the deficit is not cut in half in 4 years
Gregory: you said it!
Ford: Joe Scarborough is probably right
Obama: Bring it on fuckers!!
Myers: you want a piece of him!?!
Scarborough: it's like me threatening an intern
Murphy: it's such a trick - he's cheating because people want to live like the French
Ford: i disagree with Joe Scar - Obama should adopt some Republican policies!
Murphy: he's just like Bush!
Gregory: I want to talk about Republicans
Ford: weren't we?
Gregory: let me quote Rush Limbaugh
Audience: [ oh for god's sake ]
Murphy: we have to step back and figure out what the fuck went wrong with the GOP
Gregory: not dickish enough?
Murphy: we all worship ronald reagan
Gregory: of course
Murphy: but we must reach out to more people than the Rush-loving crazies
Gregory: tell us how Republicans can please restore Republican ideas please!
Scarborough: vote for a third party - "the RePUBlican party"
Murphy: the good news is that Obama has turned Left
Gregory: why is he such a terrible radical Lefty?
Ford: Because this is what Americans want
Murphy: France! The French! France!
Scarborough: only I know what works - I was so successful in Congress I had to quit
Ford: hey Bush got Dems to go along with him and look what that got him
Gregory: let's return to bashing Obama and shilling for Republicans
Ford: indeed Dancin’ Dave
Gregory: look at my running tally of Government Spending
Scarborough: i love you man
Gregory: wait I'm not finished - Obama also brought the Dow down!!!
Ford: Obama is crippled!!
Gregory: Obama will fail and people hate him!!
Scarborough: exactly - the National Debt is Obama's fault!!!
Gregory: so clearly the GOP will sweep in 2010
Scar: sure we all know that - but by then America will be fucked
Murphy: Democrats are worse that Republicans who got us into Iraq!!!
Scar: of course - vote RePUBlican!!
Gregory: please follow this fascinating discussion on my Twitter page DancinDave@twitter
Face the Nation with Rahm Emmanuel - March 1, 2009
Face the Nation
March 1, 2009
Guest:
Rahm Emanuel
******************************************
Schieffer: OMG there are 9,000 earmarks!!
Emanuel: we will reduce them greatly
Schieffer: by how many?
Emanuel: down to 8,785
Schieffer: why not get rid of all earmarks unlike every President ever?
Emanuel: because fuck you
Schieffer: Republicans like Newt Gingrich say Obama is a bad man
Emanuel: um yeah fuck him Bob
Schieffer: this is probably the biggest budget since like ever
Emanuel: Probably?
Schieffer: eh I'm old
Emanuel: Asshole
Schieffer: Let me quote Newt Gingrich extensively on all your big spending and debt and socialist agenda
Emanuel: recall dipshit we inherited the debt and big spending and the lies
Schieffer: No!
Emanuel: i agree with Newt that Obama doesn’t want to subsidize big businesses and criminals and lies
Schieffer: no no no you are big spenders - i mean look at this funding for sick children and dental work - isn't this just Bridgework To Nowhere???
Emanuel: Fuck off old man
Schieffer: well ah do declah
Emanuel: We've have 30 years of a Republican Culture of Debts and Spending and Irresponsibility
Schieffer: Newt Gingrich says you will raise taxes on regular people
Emanuel: well he's lying
Schieffer: No!
Emanuel: Yes!
Emanuel: we're going back to the tax rates we had under Ronald Reagan
Schieffer: that damnned socialist!?
Emanuel: we also will help poor people, increase energy efficiency, and end stupid wars
Schieffer: speaking newt and of raising taxes on rich people
Emanuel: you senile bastard
Schieffer: what about the poor charities who will get no donations anymore??
Emanuel: you are a silly shill for Newt Gingrich
Schieffer: sorry he's got compromising pictures of me with some beavers
Emanuel: people are shocked Obama is keeping his promises
Schieffer: you failed to get bipartisanship - so sad
Emanuel: no we succeeded
Schieffer: but only you only got three GOP votes
Emanuel: no you liar we got lots on the employment bill and children's health and we got GOP Governors supporting the Stimulus
Schieffer: they don't count - everyone knows the GOP is represented six crazy House Members and Rush Limbaugh
Emanuel: ah the Leader of the GOP - who wants Obama to Fail
Schieffer: Indeed let’s talk Rush
Emanuel: Rush is the Intellectual Force of teh GOP and all Republicans grovel at his feet
Schieffer: you really believe that??
Emanuel: oh yeah they all kiss his fat boil-ridden pasty-white ass
Schieffer: Is Obama going to give GM $20 billion??
Emanuel: these assholes tried to sell us Hummers for 10 years
Schieffer: so what's the answer?
Emanuel: they will have to agree to support our energy and health care plans
Schieffer: very clever
Emanuel: That's the Chicago Way fucker
Schieffer: now liberal Democrats say Obama's not leaving Iraq fast enough
Emanuel: Nancy Pelosi - what's she gonna do, impeach Obama??
Schieffer: maybe
Emanuel: she can impeach my ass
Schieffer: will the Commanders follow Obama
Emanuel: you bet they will fucker
Schieffer: Can you really expect Congress to get something done?
Emanuel: they will or I will take a crowbar to their car windshields
Schieffer: what if that doens't work?
Emanuel: i go after their families
Schieffer: sounds like Mexico
Emanuel: i gotta admit i like their style
Emanuel: we're going to sic Napolitano on the Mexican drug dealer's ass
Schieffer: is she up to it?
Emanuel: she's an Italian from the American West - her grandmother will kill you
Schieffer: okay then
March 1, 2009
Guest:
Rahm Emanuel
******************************************
Schieffer: OMG there are 9,000 earmarks!!
Emanuel: we will reduce them greatly
Schieffer: by how many?
Emanuel: down to 8,785
Schieffer: why not get rid of all earmarks unlike every President ever?
Emanuel: because fuck you
Schieffer: Republicans like Newt Gingrich say Obama is a bad man
Emanuel: um yeah fuck him Bob
Schieffer: this is probably the biggest budget since like ever
Emanuel: Probably?
Schieffer: eh I'm old
Emanuel: Asshole
Schieffer: Let me quote Newt Gingrich extensively on all your big spending and debt and socialist agenda
Emanuel: recall dipshit we inherited the debt and big spending and the lies
Schieffer: No!
Emanuel: i agree with Newt that Obama doesn’t want to subsidize big businesses and criminals and lies
Schieffer: no no no you are big spenders - i mean look at this funding for sick children and dental work - isn't this just Bridgework To Nowhere???
Emanuel: Fuck off old man
Schieffer: well ah do declah
Emanuel: We've have 30 years of a Republican Culture of Debts and Spending and Irresponsibility
Schieffer: Newt Gingrich says you will raise taxes on regular people
Emanuel: well he's lying
Schieffer: No!
Emanuel: Yes!
Emanuel: we're going back to the tax rates we had under Ronald Reagan
Schieffer: that damnned socialist!?
Emanuel: we also will help poor people, increase energy efficiency, and end stupid wars
Schieffer: speaking newt and of raising taxes on rich people
Emanuel: you senile bastard
Schieffer: what about the poor charities who will get no donations anymore??
Emanuel: you are a silly shill for Newt Gingrich
Schieffer: sorry he's got compromising pictures of me with some beavers
Emanuel: people are shocked Obama is keeping his promises
Schieffer: you failed to get bipartisanship - so sad
Emanuel: no we succeeded
Schieffer: but only you only got three GOP votes
Emanuel: no you liar we got lots on the employment bill and children's health and we got GOP Governors supporting the Stimulus
Schieffer: they don't count - everyone knows the GOP is represented six crazy House Members and Rush Limbaugh
Emanuel: ah the Leader of the GOP - who wants Obama to Fail
Schieffer: Indeed let’s talk Rush
Emanuel: Rush is the Intellectual Force of teh GOP and all Republicans grovel at his feet
Schieffer: you really believe that??
Emanuel: oh yeah they all kiss his fat boil-ridden pasty-white ass
Schieffer: Is Obama going to give GM $20 billion??
Emanuel: these assholes tried to sell us Hummers for 10 years
Schieffer: so what's the answer?
Emanuel: they will have to agree to support our energy and health care plans
Schieffer: very clever
Emanuel: That's the Chicago Way fucker
Schieffer: now liberal Democrats say Obama's not leaving Iraq fast enough
Emanuel: Nancy Pelosi - what's she gonna do, impeach Obama??
Schieffer: maybe
Emanuel: she can impeach my ass
Schieffer: will the Commanders follow Obama
Emanuel: you bet they will fucker
Schieffer: Can you really expect Congress to get something done?
Emanuel: they will or I will take a crowbar to their car windshields
Schieffer: what if that doens't work?
Emanuel: i go after their families
Schieffer: sounds like Mexico
Emanuel: i gotta admit i like their style
Emanuel: we're going to sic Napolitano on the Mexican drug dealer's ass
Schieffer: is she up to it?
Emanuel: she's an Italian from the American West - her grandmother will kill you
Schieffer: okay then
The Chris Matthews Show - March 1, 2009
The Chris Matthews Show
March 1, 2009
*******************************
Matthews: OMG Obama is actually going to withdraw from Iraq!!!
Mitchell: the Iraq war is no fun anymore -- it's time to fuck up Afghanistan!!!
Ignatius: Obama is going to do it thoughtfully - he's such a hypocrite!!
Cooper: we're remissioning and withdrawing at night
Matthews: Noctural remissions!!?!
Inskeep: NPR says our soldiers are teh best!!!
Tweety: will Obama stay in Iraq forever??
Mitchell: he promised he would withdraw and he will
Tweety: that's what all men say
Ignatius: this is Obama's Vietnam
Tweety: So he will stay for a decade and bloggers will be mad
Ignatius: no he won’t - how many ways do you have to hear it??
Matthews: Talk Taliban to me
Mitchell: Afghanistan is Obama's Korea
Cooper: Obama is going to Surge in Afghanistan and look for Al Qaeda
Tweety: maybe they’re on that island in Lost
Inskeep: We can't breathe too hard or we will destablize Pakistan
Ignatius: thank god Obama is going to tell the bloggers fuck off and join the DC consensus and realize there is no military solution in Afghanistan
Matthews: isn't that what bloggers have been saying all along?
Ignatius: yes but DC pundits believe that but want to stay anyway
Tweety: OMG Congressmen are Twittering!!!
bobgraham@tweety: oh man i wuz ahead of my time
Matthews: OMG has Obama already turned America around!?!
Cooper: the Stimulus will make Americans happy and shiny people
Inskeep: Obama is already a failure - even is the stimulus works because it will be government spending
Matthews: awwww
Inskeep: NPR says the deficits are bad!!
Mitchell: we have to give the banks a trillion dollars even though it's very unpopular
Ignatius: the good news prices have fallen so low things can't get any worse
Matthews: what's the bad news?
Ignatius: CEOs have no fucking clue what they're doing
Tweety: tell me things I don’t know!
Cooper: Bibi will reach out Syria
Tweety: he's from Philly!
Inskeep: Iran is like China - they will sell us crappy goods in exchange for us ignoring human rights
Mitchell: Our Vatican Embassy is too big and ugly so we hired a cranky dude to paint the ceiling
Inskeep: the only secure thing in the world in the US dollar
Tweety: [ waves dollar ] hoo boy!!
Obama: i will win over the Cantor!
Tweety: can Obama win anything?
Inskeep: who cares - Obama sucks
Mitchell: Obama will win when he eliminates social security
Ignatius: i want just the kids off my lawn
Matthews: watch me tonight on Celebrity Pundit Apprentice on CNBC 2!!
*****************************
March 1, 2009
*******************************
Matthews: OMG Obama is actually going to withdraw from Iraq!!!
Mitchell: the Iraq war is no fun anymore -- it's time to fuck up Afghanistan!!!
Ignatius: Obama is going to do it thoughtfully - he's such a hypocrite!!
Cooper: we're remissioning and withdrawing at night
Matthews: Noctural remissions!!?!
Inskeep: NPR says our soldiers are teh best!!!
Tweety: will Obama stay in Iraq forever??
Mitchell: he promised he would withdraw and he will
Tweety: that's what all men say
Ignatius: this is Obama's Vietnam
Tweety: So he will stay for a decade and bloggers will be mad
Ignatius: no he won’t - how many ways do you have to hear it??
Matthews: Talk Taliban to me
Mitchell: Afghanistan is Obama's Korea
Cooper: Obama is going to Surge in Afghanistan and look for Al Qaeda
Tweety: maybe they’re on that island in Lost
Inskeep: We can't breathe too hard or we will destablize Pakistan
Ignatius: thank god Obama is going to tell the bloggers fuck off and join the DC consensus and realize there is no military solution in Afghanistan
Matthews: isn't that what bloggers have been saying all along?
Ignatius: yes but DC pundits believe that but want to stay anyway
Tweety: OMG Congressmen are Twittering!!!
bobgraham@tweety: oh man i wuz ahead of my time
Matthews: OMG has Obama already turned America around!?!
Cooper: the Stimulus will make Americans happy and shiny people
Inskeep: Obama is already a failure - even is the stimulus works because it will be government spending
Matthews: awwww
Inskeep: NPR says the deficits are bad!!
Mitchell: we have to give the banks a trillion dollars even though it's very unpopular
Ignatius: the good news prices have fallen so low things can't get any worse
Matthews: what's the bad news?
Ignatius: CEOs have no fucking clue what they're doing
Tweety: tell me things I don’t know!
Cooper: Bibi will reach out Syria
Tweety: he's from Philly!
Inskeep: Iran is like China - they will sell us crappy goods in exchange for us ignoring human rights
Mitchell: Our Vatican Embassy is too big and ugly so we hired a cranky dude to paint the ceiling
Inskeep: the only secure thing in the world in the US dollar
Tweety: [ waves dollar ] hoo boy!!
Obama: i will win over the Cantor!
Tweety: can Obama win anything?
Inskeep: who cares - Obama sucks
Mitchell: Obama will win when he eliminates social security
Ignatius: i want just the kids off my lawn
Matthews: watch me tonight on Celebrity Pundit Apprentice on CNBC 2!!
*****************************
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Meet The Press - February 15, 2009
Meet The Press
February 15, 2009
****************************
Gregory: Obama is claiming victory - so sell me on the stimulus
Axelrod: our first mission to avoid catastrophe
Gregory: are we aiming for mere misery?
Axelrod: sort of - but we're going to give people jobs and rebuild America at the same time
Gregory: two birds one stone
Axelrod: right
Gregory: will this prevent unemployment reaching 10.0%??
Axelrod: maybe - let's face it, Stupid really fucked up
Gregory: i have some shocking news - McCain's advisor doesn't like your plan
Axelrod: holy shit! [ jumps out window ]
Gregory: come back!
Axelrod: ok [ climbs back in ]
Gregory: Paul Krugman says you're not spending enough
Axelrod: we have a Goldilocks Bill
Gregory: not too much and not little?
Axelrod: exactly it's just right
Gregory: what if you fail?
Axelrod: maybe I'll take your job Greggers
Gregory: The Economist magazine says your bill spend on pork instead of job creation
Axelrod: unlike throwing $9 billion out of an airplane
Gregory: but that was before when money was free
Axelrod: oh right i forgot
Gregory: what else?
Axelrod: we're going to cut taxes and rebuild schools
Gregory: but you're depending on a psychological bounce - while the media is determined to destroy you
Axelrod: but then you'll lose your jobs too!
Gregory: we don't think that far ahead
Gregory: Republicans say your bill was not Republican enough
Axelrod: such a shame - one more GOP bill and we would be invaded by Micronesia
Gregory: also they said you spend you too much
Axelrod: i never heard much about 'generational theft' when the GOP was spending like drunken sailors on tax cuts for their rich friends
Gregory: would you concede it was a mistake to let Democrats write this bill
Axelrod: on sure maybe we should have let Lindsey Graham write it - then it would have really really big debts and higher taxes on poor people
Gregory: now you're talking!
Axelrod: i was kidding Dancin’ Dave
Gregory: Speaking of Republican objections to the bill -
Axelrod: were we?
Gregory: yes - buried in the bill you will have 15 people who will destroy doctors and patients all across America
Axelrod: yes that's exactly what computerized records will do
Gregory: but the Star Chamber Medical Council is allowed to sieze kidneys from people off the street!!!
Axelrod: only white people
Gregory: why you do hate the Chinese and India?
Axelrod: they give me heartburn
Gregory: Wall Street bonuses?
Axelrod: we're not terribly worried about the politcal fallout of going after ovrepaid exectives
Gregory: so sad
Gregory: talk to me about rescuing banks and your idiot puppet Geithner
Axelrod: so the Dow dropped who cares what those idiots think this is all their fault
Gregory: but no one knows what your plan is
Axelrod: it's a secret
Gregory: Nationalize banks?
Axelrod: you mean like the FDIC?
Gregory: never heard of it
Gregory: Should all Americans get a free house?
Axelrod: home values are going down which is very sad
Gregory: but the overvalued homes!
Axelrod: it's a tough problem
Gregory: also should Auto companies go on welfare?
Axelrod: why not bikes or skateboards or shoe companies?
Gregory: Can America survive GM going bankrupt?
Axelrod: only if the unions agree to work for $5 an hour
Gregory: Judd Gregg bravely ran away - what happened
Axelrod: it turned out we wanted a free Democratic seat and he wanted to count only white people in the next census
Gregory: irreconiliable differnces
Gregory: who will get dumped in Commerce?
Axelrod: well he hates Harold Ford - so maybe him
Gregory: Dick Cheney says you love terrorists, hate America, and are too naive to electrify someone's testicles
Axelrod: so much to fun to hear from Dick again - no wonder people hate him so
Gregory: are you having fun being near-President
Axelrod: yeah but i have to stop watching cable tv - it's rotting my brain
Gregory: OMG Obama was the big winner of the week! And he was the Loser of the Week!!
Robinson: oh fer gawd's sake he got an $800 billion spending bill through Congress!!
Gregory: last Sunday everyone in D.C. wrote Obama off - did we speak too soon?
Brownstein: of course this is an amazing achievement - only the pundits could freak out because he didn't get enough GOP votes
Simon: Look Obama had a big win and Obama wins by being rejected by the GOP
Gregory: whoa that's crazy
Straseel: well now we see how the GOP will proceed - thanking Obama for reaching out to them and whining and crying to the media
Gregory: Obama believes in government and the GOP does not
Robinson: it's absurd and insane
Brownstein: for god's sake this week they voted for an alternative bill that would have cost more!!!
Gregory: but that's Bush's very successful policy - ha just kidding
Brownstein: right - we should have an election on that - ha ha
Strassel: no fair people love tax cuts and Obama is the real hypocrite for spending more
Greogry: oh?
Strassel: People are talking about the deficit - it's the next big story
Brownstein: which people?
Strassel: the people I hang out with
Brownstein: where's that?
Strassel: the Starbucks next door to teh Cato Institute
Simon: i hear you but for god's sake the debt is not the biggest problem right now
Robinson: people who have lost their jobs don't care about the fucking debt
Brownstein: obama has things he wants to achieve but also is willing to change tactics to get what he wants
Gregory: fascinating - he's the unBush!
Strassel: Obama failed but not working with liberals
Gregory: he got every vote in Congress
Strassel: but liberal bloggers still aren't happy
Simon: the bank bailout rewards bad behavior
Gregory: well i work for cable news so i can relate to to that
Simon: people hate this process
Gregory: yeah but the populists are wrong - we must reward the Fucktards
Robinson: we must punish the fucktards a little
Brownstein: the real choice America faces is between Japanese Models and Swedish Models
Gregory: plaid miniskirts or bikinis?
Brownstein: these are incredible times
Gregory: how come no one can make any money in America??
Simon: Even Biden thinks we might fail
Robinson: America has dug a whole since 1981 and it won't be easy to get out
Gregory: those were fun times
Gregory: are Americans prepared to get work in sweatshops for a generation?
Brownstein: yes but only people under 75
February 15, 2009
****************************
Gregory: Obama is claiming victory - so sell me on the stimulus
Axelrod: our first mission to avoid catastrophe
Gregory: are we aiming for mere misery?
Axelrod: sort of - but we're going to give people jobs and rebuild America at the same time
Gregory: two birds one stone
Axelrod: right
Gregory: will this prevent unemployment reaching 10.0%??
Axelrod: maybe - let's face it, Stupid really fucked up
Gregory: i have some shocking news - McCain's advisor doesn't like your plan
Axelrod: holy shit! [ jumps out window ]
Gregory: come back!
Axelrod: ok [ climbs back in ]
Gregory: Paul Krugman says you're not spending enough
Axelrod: we have a Goldilocks Bill
Gregory: not too much and not little?
Axelrod: exactly it's just right
Gregory: what if you fail?
Axelrod: maybe I'll take your job Greggers
Gregory: The Economist magazine says your bill spend on pork instead of job creation
Axelrod: unlike throwing $9 billion out of an airplane
Gregory: but that was before when money was free
Axelrod: oh right i forgot
Gregory: what else?
Axelrod: we're going to cut taxes and rebuild schools
Gregory: but you're depending on a psychological bounce - while the media is determined to destroy you
Axelrod: but then you'll lose your jobs too!
Gregory: we don't think that far ahead
Gregory: Republicans say your bill was not Republican enough
Axelrod: such a shame - one more GOP bill and we would be invaded by Micronesia
Gregory: also they said you spend you too much
Axelrod: i never heard much about 'generational theft' when the GOP was spending like drunken sailors on tax cuts for their rich friends
Gregory: would you concede it was a mistake to let Democrats write this bill
Axelrod: on sure maybe we should have let Lindsey Graham write it - then it would have really really big debts and higher taxes on poor people
Gregory: now you're talking!
Axelrod: i was kidding Dancin’ Dave
Gregory: Speaking of Republican objections to the bill -
Axelrod: were we?
Gregory: yes - buried in the bill you will have 15 people who will destroy doctors and patients all across America
Axelrod: yes that's exactly what computerized records will do
Gregory: but the Star Chamber Medical Council is allowed to sieze kidneys from people off the street!!!
Axelrod: only white people
Gregory: why you do hate the Chinese and India?
Axelrod: they give me heartburn
Gregory: Wall Street bonuses?
Axelrod: we're not terribly worried about the politcal fallout of going after ovrepaid exectives
Gregory: so sad
Gregory: talk to me about rescuing banks and your idiot puppet Geithner
Axelrod: so the Dow dropped who cares what those idiots think this is all their fault
Gregory: but no one knows what your plan is
Axelrod: it's a secret
Gregory: Nationalize banks?
Axelrod: you mean like the FDIC?
Gregory: never heard of it
Gregory: Should all Americans get a free house?
Axelrod: home values are going down which is very sad
Gregory: but the overvalued homes!
Axelrod: it's a tough problem
Gregory: also should Auto companies go on welfare?
Axelrod: why not bikes or skateboards or shoe companies?
Gregory: Can America survive GM going bankrupt?
Axelrod: only if the unions agree to work for $5 an hour
Gregory: Judd Gregg bravely ran away - what happened
Axelrod: it turned out we wanted a free Democratic seat and he wanted to count only white people in the next census
Gregory: irreconiliable differnces
Gregory: who will get dumped in Commerce?
Axelrod: well he hates Harold Ford - so maybe him
Gregory: Dick Cheney says you love terrorists, hate America, and are too naive to electrify someone's testicles
Axelrod: so much to fun to hear from Dick again - no wonder people hate him so
Gregory: are you having fun being near-President
Axelrod: yeah but i have to stop watching cable tv - it's rotting my brain
Gregory: OMG Obama was the big winner of the week! And he was the Loser of the Week!!
Robinson: oh fer gawd's sake he got an $800 billion spending bill through Congress!!
Gregory: last Sunday everyone in D.C. wrote Obama off - did we speak too soon?
Brownstein: of course this is an amazing achievement - only the pundits could freak out because he didn't get enough GOP votes
Simon: Look Obama had a big win and Obama wins by being rejected by the GOP
Gregory: whoa that's crazy
Straseel: well now we see how the GOP will proceed - thanking Obama for reaching out to them and whining and crying to the media
Gregory: Obama believes in government and the GOP does not
Robinson: it's absurd and insane
Brownstein: for god's sake this week they voted for an alternative bill that would have cost more!!!
Gregory: but that's Bush's very successful policy - ha just kidding
Brownstein: right - we should have an election on that - ha ha
Strassel: no fair people love tax cuts and Obama is the real hypocrite for spending more
Greogry: oh?
Strassel: People are talking about the deficit - it's the next big story
Brownstein: which people?
Strassel: the people I hang out with
Brownstein: where's that?
Strassel: the Starbucks next door to teh Cato Institute
Simon: i hear you but for god's sake the debt is not the biggest problem right now
Robinson: people who have lost their jobs don't care about the fucking debt
Brownstein: obama has things he wants to achieve but also is willing to change tactics to get what he wants
Gregory: fascinating - he's the unBush!
Strassel: Obama failed but not working with liberals
Gregory: he got every vote in Congress
Strassel: but liberal bloggers still aren't happy
Simon: the bank bailout rewards bad behavior
Gregory: well i work for cable news so i can relate to to that
Simon: people hate this process
Gregory: yeah but the populists are wrong - we must reward the Fucktards
Robinson: we must punish the fucktards a little
Brownstein: the real choice America faces is between Japanese Models and Swedish Models
Gregory: plaid miniskirts or bikinis?
Brownstein: these are incredible times
Gregory: how come no one can make any money in America??
Simon: Even Biden thinks we might fail
Robinson: America has dug a whole since 1981 and it won't be easy to get out
Gregory: those were fun times
Gregory: are Americans prepared to get work in sweatshops for a generation?
Brownstein: yes but only people under 75
The Chris Matthews Show - February 15, 2009
The Chris Matthews Show
February 15, 2009
*********************
Matthews: OMG Obama failed to get GOP votes when he got his bill passed!!!
Obama: i didn't want to spend to fix Republicans' fuck-ups
Fineman: Obama did fail to get GOP votes but he did sort of get what he wanted
Kay: i don't think it matters how many GOP votes he got - after all the bill passed
Matthews: Obama told us to vote against him if there is no magic recovery
Guthrie: privately they will admit Obama failed in getting GOP votes
Matthews: What else went wrong?
Guthrie: Liberals loaded it with frivolous pork
Matthews: oh noes
Sullivan: ha ha ha the GOP discovered fiscal conservatism - they're insane and hypocrites
Matthews: but we're in a crisis
Sullivan: which is their fault!
Matthews: but they're the daddy party
Kay: you're so weird
Matthews: Daddyyyyyyy
Matthews: sure obama may rescue America's economy - but what about univerasal health care and flying cars?
Guthrie: there's long-term plans there for example Green jobs
Matthews: do you like Horse and Rabbit stew
Fineman: yes Chris the Democrats are screwed
Matthews: is that what I asked?
Fineman: yes
Matthews: Ha Dems hate bipartisanship!
Matthews: Will the Dems stay united??
Sullivan: we have to persuade the Chinese to keep lending us money by making elderly people get second jobs
Matthews: how does he win a second term
Sullivan: to be a real fiscal conservative
Fineman: he's going to need the GOP
Guthrie: the GOP will eventually give in to the Democrats
Matthews: oh of course also Lucy will someday hold that football
Matthews: OMG PEW poll says we're in a Depression!! - we're all eating a McDonald's and riding Greyhoud!
Fineman: taking the bus?
Matthews: no i'm riding an actual greyhound to work
Kay: Americans need to change their whole lifestyles
Fineman: the American dream is to win a world war and live better off the misery of others
Guthrie: Obama is bringing us down with all his talk about sacrifice
Matthews: why not
Guthrie: what about layaway? Americans are so selfish for not borrowing more!
Sully: exactly i live like a peon in my gilden cage with velvet pillow
Matthews: really?
Sully: what can I say I'm weird
Kay: We're going to have spend 100% of GDP
Tweety: wow!
Fineman: the census is coming which means we have to count all the brown people
Guthrie: the Obamas watched Bejamin Button in the White House last Sunday
Tweety: did they like it?
Guthrie: I'll let you know when it ends
Sullivan: Obama will nationalise banks
Tweety: wow i never knew that
Sully: it's stealth nationalisation - first he replaces all the pens with ones with the White House logo and Obama's face one them
Matthews: investigate torture
Kay: nah why bother
Fineman: the House will go first
Guthrie: Obama isn't going to do it
Sullivan: you're missing the point - the Court system will have to investigate lawsuits which will be filed
Tweets: oh my
February 15, 2009
*********************
Matthews: OMG Obama failed to get GOP votes when he got his bill passed!!!
Obama: i didn't want to spend to fix Republicans' fuck-ups
Fineman: Obama did fail to get GOP votes but he did sort of get what he wanted
Kay: i don't think it matters how many GOP votes he got - after all the bill passed
Matthews: Obama told us to vote against him if there is no magic recovery
Guthrie: privately they will admit Obama failed in getting GOP votes
Matthews: What else went wrong?
Guthrie: Liberals loaded it with frivolous pork
Matthews: oh noes
Sullivan: ha ha ha the GOP discovered fiscal conservatism - they're insane and hypocrites
Matthews: but we're in a crisis
Sullivan: which is their fault!
Matthews: but they're the daddy party
Kay: you're so weird
Matthews: Daddyyyyyyy
Matthews: sure obama may rescue America's economy - but what about univerasal health care and flying cars?
Guthrie: there's long-term plans there for example Green jobs
Matthews: do you like Horse and Rabbit stew
Fineman: yes Chris the Democrats are screwed
Matthews: is that what I asked?
Fineman: yes
Matthews: Ha Dems hate bipartisanship!
Matthews: Will the Dems stay united??
Sullivan: we have to persuade the Chinese to keep lending us money by making elderly people get second jobs
Matthews: how does he win a second term
Sullivan: to be a real fiscal conservative
Fineman: he's going to need the GOP
Guthrie: the GOP will eventually give in to the Democrats
Matthews: oh of course also Lucy will someday hold that football
Matthews: OMG PEW poll says we're in a Depression!! - we're all eating a McDonald's and riding Greyhoud!
Fineman: taking the bus?
Matthews: no i'm riding an actual greyhound to work
Kay: Americans need to change their whole lifestyles
Fineman: the American dream is to win a world war and live better off the misery of others
Guthrie: Obama is bringing us down with all his talk about sacrifice
Matthews: why not
Guthrie: what about layaway? Americans are so selfish for not borrowing more!
Sully: exactly i live like a peon in my gilden cage with velvet pillow
Matthews: really?
Sully: what can I say I'm weird
Kay: We're going to have spend 100% of GDP
Tweety: wow!
Fineman: the census is coming which means we have to count all the brown people
Guthrie: the Obamas watched Bejamin Button in the White House last Sunday
Tweety: did they like it?
Guthrie: I'll let you know when it ends
Sullivan: Obama will nationalise banks
Tweety: wow i never knew that
Sully: it's stealth nationalisation - first he replaces all the pens with ones with the White House logo and Obama's face one them
Matthews: investigate torture
Kay: nah why bother
Fineman: the House will go first
Guthrie: Obama isn't going to do it
Sullivan: you're missing the point - the Court system will have to investigate lawsuits which will be filed
Tweets: oh my
Monday, February 09, 2009
Obama Press Conference - February 9, 2009
*****************************
Press Conference
President Barack Obama
Monday, February 9, 2009
******************************
Obama: Hi - Today I was in one of the shittiest economic places in America - in fact local tv interrupt stories about Michael Phelps to tell viewers that their lives really really suck
Audience: ooooh
Obama: if you are still an ignorant fucktard, I suggest you pull your head out of your ass
Now I plan to create 4 million jobs if only the Ayn Randians would kindly get the fuck out of the way
Audience: yeahhh
Obama: we will give $2500 for college, $1,000 to working people, and a dollar for everyone to get the tv they used to get for free
Audience: okayyy
Obama: we're going to invest in roads, bridges, and community theatre - dams, levees, turbines, and goose-resistant planes
Audience: ahhhhh
Obama: and police, firefighters, and increased steriod surveillance for our professional athletes
The Chamber of Commerce and the AFL-CIO Agree: I'm actually black
Audience: wow
Obama: there are no earmarks, pet projects, or money for cats or dogs
Cats: grrrrrrrr
Obama: hey dudes I inherited Bush's crappy economy - and now I Barack Obama am here to fulfill my role of destiny and be America's Magic Negro and rescue you sad, sad white people
AP: Bam you said that America will fail - why do hate America?
Obama: i was talking the language of science - granted, not a real one, economics - but nevertheless i was telling the truth
AP: isn't that highly irresponsible when you run a fake Empire
Obama: hey baby this is the worst the Epic Depression
AP: you mean Great Depression
Obama: no i was talking about the Fall of the Roman Empire
Obama: look some people have this philosphy from Ayn Rand who think FDR was wrong to implement the New Deal and also giving women and darkies the right to vote
Beck: say amen
Obama: genius white people gave me a trillion dollar debt - so if you didn't want this mutt in charge you should't have made me your dictator
Beck: say wha?
Obama: read the fine print doofus
Obama: i sick of motherfuckin snakes on motherfucking planes!!!
AP: to what are you fucking referring?
Obama: fuckin executives on fucking private jets!!
AP: but but the Republicans
Obama: Failed! Epically!
Reuters: Iran - nuke or carpet bomb?
Obama: they're so bellicose - it's very distasteful to someone like me who prefers subtler methods like Jedi mind tricks
Reuters: this isn't the question i was looking for
Obama: sorry about that - anyway I will sit across the table and tell Ahmedinejad very very frankly - nukes are unacceptable and 'dood, Members Only is way out of fashion'
BipartisanChip: What went wrong with your failed Presidency?
Obama: it's the fault of the Atwater-Gingrich-Rove Republicans -- dood I did everything I could to reach out to those lunatics and maybe someday they will stop acting like little babies and when that day comes my door will be open - until then I am the daddy and they are little kids and now it's time for Dad to go to work
Audience: oooo
Obama: there's a set of folks who want to negotiate by saying hey my offer is this nothing - well I'm black not italian and i think we should do something and for the non-dishonest Senators i'd like to have that conversation
Reporter: but the pork!
Obama: ha ha ha yeah coming from the party of waste fraud and abuse and big spending and debts I want to laugh at them, cry and then tell them to fuck off
Obama: I hear Republicans say 'why would you weatherize a building when you could throw that money out of an airplane in a foreign country'??
Reporter: right
Obama: it's like they take pride in being ignorant!
Audience: heh
Obama: or take efficiency in health care - doctors can't write or use computers - or take schools at Harvard one schools is from the 1700s it's terrible!
Reporter: ooh that's true
C-Todd: Sir isn't spending what ruined this economy and isn't it better for people to be noble and poor?
Obama: Toddster I do believe that goatee has sucked the brains outta your haid!
Todd: mooooan
Obama: i know what happened - crazy banks lent money to ever whackjob biped with a name and the ability to sign - well the motherfucking party is over
Todd: [ removes party hat ]
Obama: i didn't come in here ginned up to spend $800 billion on wave pools I had hoped to blow it on the awesomest party ever
Americans: fuck yeah
Obama: calm down -- now in the future my Presidency will be all about being responsible
Americans: [ put away party favors ]
Reporter: tell us the bad news Bam
Bam: The bad news? The bad news??!! Teh bad news is that George Bush was President for 8 years
Reporter: oh
Bam: we barely averted the disaster that was his term in office and now I am in charge and that means no more free rides for obscenely wealthy well-connected idiots from the scum on top of gene pool!
Idiots: aw shit
apper: Sir we are in freefall - how can we as journalists report when your Presidency has officially failed?
Obama: Snake I will create 4 million jobs, then i will restore the credit markets, the restore the housing values, after that i will grow the economy - then finally i will reverse the spin of the earth and bring terry schiavo back to life
Tapped: [ takes notes furiously ] 'spin of earth = fail'
Stupid Ed Henry: will your fulfill pledge to pull all troops out of Afghanistan?
Obama: no i said i would increase troops there and pull them out of Iraq
Ed: oh did you I was in the bathroom in 2008
Obama: it's very sobering to sign all those letters for killed soldiers
Bush: that's why i got lickered up Bammy
[ throws shoe at tv, misses ]
shit
Obama: hey remember how wonderful 9/11 was and we remember it like it was the best fucking day ever well it turns it wasn't so great
American: [ sighs gushes over 9/11 memory ]
Cooper: will require banks to stop using free money on champagne baths and sprinking diamonds on their cereal?
Obama: all i want is for them to use the money to stop eating poor people alive
Garrett: Joe Biden said your Presidency will probably fail - is he right?
Obama: oh joe joe joe - you do realize I hired someone just bumbling enough to make me look good don't you?
Garrett: really?
Obama: plus he's funniest gentile i know
Fletcher: Did you know A-Rod was on the Juice?
Obama: It's too bad because it shows you can be a good looking biracial successful young man and still fuck up
Thomas: Bam Harry Truman once told me i hope one day a black man has access to bomb
Obama: it was always my dream too
Thomas: Pakistan
Obama: it's not acceptable to have whackos living in mountainous caves with impunity - hell with DirectTV they get more NFL games than we do!
Thomas: oh noe
Obama: I will work with Vlad to lean on the Pakistanis - cause they are waaaay crazeee
Huffington Post: Truth and Reconciliation Commision on prosecuting Stupid and Dr. Evil?
Obama: i have this crazy idea about following the law and keeping us safe - now is Mr. Potter broke the law he should be prosecuted just like George Bailey was
Potter: dagnabit
Liasson: will you fail on getting votes from Goppers from now on?
Obama: Mara like i said - all that needs to happen is for the Republican party to sit down, shut the fuck up, and pull their heads out of their goddam asses
GOP: gorp!
Obama: by the way Mara if I had brought the GOP in any earlier they would have been there when my Kenyan father had made sweet love to my white momma
Mara: oh my
Obama: oh did i mention these closeted fuckers have no credibility on anything at all???
Mara: oh poo
Obama: i'm sorry but these assholes piss me off
Obama: now this is what these fuckers do on everything - economics, global warming, flat earth, they just pretend that there is debate and trot out non-experts and it's all fucking bullshit
Mara: but but
Obama: no look I am the eternal optimist that someday the GOP will stop being obstructionist dicks but that's just the kind of happy go lucky motherfucker I am
Good night - i said 'good night fuckers!'
***********************************************
Press Conference
President Barack Obama
Monday, February 9, 2009
******************************
Obama: Hi - Today I was in one of the shittiest economic places in America - in fact local tv interrupt stories about Michael Phelps to tell viewers that their lives really really suck
Audience: ooooh
Obama: if you are still an ignorant fucktard, I suggest you pull your head out of your ass
Now I plan to create 4 million jobs if only the Ayn Randians would kindly get the fuck out of the way
Audience: yeahhh
Obama: we will give $2500 for college, $1,000 to working people, and a dollar for everyone to get the tv they used to get for free
Audience: okayyy
Obama: we're going to invest in roads, bridges, and community theatre - dams, levees, turbines, and goose-resistant planes
Audience: ahhhhh
Obama: and police, firefighters, and increased steriod surveillance for our professional athletes
The Chamber of Commerce and the AFL-CIO Agree: I'm actually black
Audience: wow
Obama: there are no earmarks, pet projects, or money for cats or dogs
Cats: grrrrrrrr
Obama: hey dudes I inherited Bush's crappy economy - and now I Barack Obama am here to fulfill my role of destiny and be America's Magic Negro and rescue you sad, sad white people
AP: Bam you said that America will fail - why do hate America?
Obama: i was talking the language of science - granted, not a real one, economics - but nevertheless i was telling the truth
AP: isn't that highly irresponsible when you run a fake Empire
Obama: hey baby this is the worst the Epic Depression
AP: you mean Great Depression
Obama: no i was talking about the Fall of the Roman Empire
Obama: look some people have this philosphy from Ayn Rand who think FDR was wrong to implement the New Deal and also giving women and darkies the right to vote
Beck: say amen
Obama: genius white people gave me a trillion dollar debt - so if you didn't want this mutt in charge you should't have made me your dictator
Beck: say wha?
Obama: read the fine print doofus
Obama: i sick of motherfuckin snakes on motherfucking planes!!!
AP: to what are you fucking referring?
Obama: fuckin executives on fucking private jets!!
AP: but but the Republicans
Obama: Failed! Epically!
Reuters: Iran - nuke or carpet bomb?
Obama: they're so bellicose - it's very distasteful to someone like me who prefers subtler methods like Jedi mind tricks
Reuters: this isn't the question i was looking for
Obama: sorry about that - anyway I will sit across the table and tell Ahmedinejad very very frankly - nukes are unacceptable and 'dood, Members Only is way out of fashion'
BipartisanChip: What went wrong with your failed Presidency?
Obama: it's the fault of the Atwater-Gingrich-Rove Republicans -- dood I did everything I could to reach out to those lunatics and maybe someday they will stop acting like little babies and when that day comes my door will be open - until then I am the daddy and they are little kids and now it's time for Dad to go to work
Audience: oooo
Obama: there's a set of folks who want to negotiate by saying hey my offer is this nothing - well I'm black not italian and i think we should do something and for the non-dishonest Senators i'd like to have that conversation
Reporter: but the pork!
Obama: ha ha ha yeah coming from the party of waste fraud and abuse and big spending and debts I want to laugh at them, cry and then tell them to fuck off
Obama: I hear Republicans say 'why would you weatherize a building when you could throw that money out of an airplane in a foreign country'??
Reporter: right
Obama: it's like they take pride in being ignorant!
Audience: heh
Obama: or take efficiency in health care - doctors can't write or use computers - or take schools at Harvard one schools is from the 1700s it's terrible!
Reporter: ooh that's true
C-Todd: Sir isn't spending what ruined this economy and isn't it better for people to be noble and poor?
Obama: Toddster I do believe that goatee has sucked the brains outta your haid!
Todd: mooooan
Obama: i know what happened - crazy banks lent money to ever whackjob biped with a name and the ability to sign - well the motherfucking party is over
Todd: [ removes party hat ]
Obama: i didn't come in here ginned up to spend $800 billion on wave pools I had hoped to blow it on the awesomest party ever
Americans: fuck yeah
Obama: calm down -- now in the future my Presidency will be all about being responsible
Americans: [ put away party favors ]
Reporter: tell us the bad news Bam
Bam: The bad news? The bad news??!! Teh bad news is that George Bush was President for 8 years
Reporter: oh
Bam: we barely averted the disaster that was his term in office and now I am in charge and that means no more free rides for obscenely wealthy well-connected idiots from the scum on top of gene pool!
Idiots: aw shit
apper: Sir we are in freefall - how can we as journalists report when your Presidency has officially failed?
Obama: Snake I will create 4 million jobs, then i will restore the credit markets, the restore the housing values, after that i will grow the economy - then finally i will reverse the spin of the earth and bring terry schiavo back to life
Tapped: [ takes notes furiously ] 'spin of earth = fail'
Stupid Ed Henry: will your fulfill pledge to pull all troops out of Afghanistan?
Obama: no i said i would increase troops there and pull them out of Iraq
Ed: oh did you I was in the bathroom in 2008
Obama: it's very sobering to sign all those letters for killed soldiers
Bush: that's why i got lickered up Bammy
[ throws shoe at tv, misses ]
shit
Obama: hey remember how wonderful 9/11 was and we remember it like it was the best fucking day ever well it turns it wasn't so great
American: [ sighs gushes over 9/11 memory ]
Cooper: will require banks to stop using free money on champagne baths and sprinking diamonds on their cereal?
Obama: all i want is for them to use the money to stop eating poor people alive
Garrett: Joe Biden said your Presidency will probably fail - is he right?
Obama: oh joe joe joe - you do realize I hired someone just bumbling enough to make me look good don't you?
Garrett: really?
Obama: plus he's funniest gentile i know
Fletcher: Did you know A-Rod was on the Juice?
Obama: It's too bad because it shows you can be a good looking biracial successful young man and still fuck up
Thomas: Bam Harry Truman once told me i hope one day a black man has access to bomb
Obama: it was always my dream too
Thomas: Pakistan
Obama: it's not acceptable to have whackos living in mountainous caves with impunity - hell with DirectTV they get more NFL games than we do!
Thomas: oh noe
Obama: I will work with Vlad to lean on the Pakistanis - cause they are waaaay crazeee
Huffington Post: Truth and Reconciliation Commision on prosecuting Stupid and Dr. Evil?
Obama: i have this crazy idea about following the law and keeping us safe - now is Mr. Potter broke the law he should be prosecuted just like George Bailey was
Potter: dagnabit
Liasson: will you fail on getting votes from Goppers from now on?
Obama: Mara like i said - all that needs to happen is for the Republican party to sit down, shut the fuck up, and pull their heads out of their goddam asses
GOP: gorp!
Obama: by the way Mara if I had brought the GOP in any earlier they would have been there when my Kenyan father had made sweet love to my white momma
Mara: oh my
Obama: oh did i mention these closeted fuckers have no credibility on anything at all???
Mara: oh poo
Obama: i'm sorry but these assholes piss me off
Obama: now this is what these fuckers do on everything - economics, global warming, flat earth, they just pretend that there is debate and trot out non-experts and it's all fucking bullshit
Mara: but but
Obama: no look I am the eternal optimist that someday the GOP will stop being obstructionist dicks but that's just the kind of happy go lucky motherfucker I am
Good night - i said 'good night fuckers!'
***********************************************
Sunday, February 08, 2009
Meet The Press - February 8, 2009
Meet the Press
February 8, 2009
Guests:
Sen. Claire McCaskill
Sen. John Ensign
Rep. Barney Frank
Rep. Mike Pence
*******************
Gregory: wow Obama has a massive package!
Gregory: let's hear from the majority first - John Ensign
Enisgn: I saw the best minds of my generation lost to a bridge to a nowhere
Gregory: what should be done
Ensign: enact all Republican ideas - after all, we won the election
Gregory: ok let's hear from the other side - Congressman Pence
Pence: the American people rejected the worn out tired ideas of Democrats in 2008 - why did you even invite any Dems on the show this morning?
McCaskill: well
Gregory: shut up
Gregory: Congressman Pence we all know Republicans won in 2008 but shouldn't we at least consider the minority party ideas
Pence: no the American people hate tired old liberal ideas
McCaskill: no no no please love us -- all Dems want is for Republicans and the media to love us and admit we can be bipartisan
Pence: no give me more
Ensign: pheh we speak for America not the crazy liberals
Frank: oh suddenly the GOP is concerned about spending - look they want to waste your tax dollars in Iraq but we want to keep cops and firefighters from being laid off
Ensign: that's right - any money that helps people is welfare
Pence: this is one part rule!
Frank: you're damm right it is you loser
Pence: i am willing to let Dems put some of their pet projects in the bill
Frank: big of your asshole
Pence: well after all America belongs to the Republican party
Gregory: Claire admit it this doens't stimulate jobs like dropping cash from the sky on a middle easten country would
McCaskill: that's true
Gregory: why not do what the GOP wants
Ensign: Gregory that's what I've been saying all along
Gregory: [ wags tail ]
Ensign: that's nonsense - we're not going to be laying any firefighters off - the states will be doing that
Frank: this asshole's party wasted hundreds of billions
Ensign: i agreee
Frank: did you filibuster GOP bills
Ensign: [ crickets ]
Gregory: admit it Claire it was all wasteful spending
McCaskill: yes
Pence: can I bring up 9/11 again
Greogry: sure
Pence: look Obama is mean and nasty and partisan but we need tax cuts
Frank: hey psycho why don't you blow me
Greogry: who did all these rotten asssets get on the bank's books??
Frank: gee i don't know - must have been an act of nature
Gregory: it's a mystery
Frank: the credit system is too corrupt to fail
Greogry: who did all these rotten asssets get on the bank's books??
Frank: gee i don't know - must have been an act of nature
Gregory: it's a mystery
Frank: the credit system is too corrupt to fail
Gregory: but a $15,000 tax credit is not going to incentivize me buy a second home in Martha's Vineyard
McCaskill: we have to convince people that giving money to rich people is in their interest
Ensign: i had a good idea
Greogry: which was defeated
Ensign: pheh
Frank: i want to ask executives what they hell they do to earn their bonuses
Gregory: well they don't all get bonsuses
Frank: yes they do
Gregory: we are all stuck in partisan accusations that the banks are getting free money
Pence: this is all the fault of poor black borrowers
Gregory: what's the solution
Pence: amnesty for tax cheats
Frank: jesus christ - the GOP is a party of psychopaths
Gregory: but you also support bank bailouts
Frank: yes but only because we're afraid not to
Gregory: so on one side nutjobs and on the other side cowards
McCaskill: Obama admitted he screwed up and nominated a conservative to Commerce
Ensign: this proves that Washington is incestuous
Gregory: it's crazy - I'm going to ask Luke Russert about this
Frank: hey blame the voters
Gregory: are we really going to bail out more fucking banks?
Frank: why not?
February 8, 2009
Guests:
Sen. Claire McCaskill
Sen. John Ensign
Rep. Barney Frank
Rep. Mike Pence
*******************
Gregory: wow Obama has a massive package!
Gregory: let's hear from the majority first - John Ensign
Enisgn: I saw the best minds of my generation lost to a bridge to a nowhere
Gregory: what should be done
Ensign: enact all Republican ideas - after all, we won the election
Gregory: ok let's hear from the other side - Congressman Pence
Pence: the American people rejected the worn out tired ideas of Democrats in 2008 - why did you even invite any Dems on the show this morning?
McCaskill: well
Gregory: shut up
Gregory: Congressman Pence we all know Republicans won in 2008 but shouldn't we at least consider the minority party ideas
Pence: no the American people hate tired old liberal ideas
McCaskill: no no no please love us -- all Dems want is for Republicans and the media to love us and admit we can be bipartisan
Pence: no give me more
Ensign: pheh we speak for America not the crazy liberals
Frank: oh suddenly the GOP is concerned about spending - look they want to waste your tax dollars in Iraq but we want to keep cops and firefighters from being laid off
Ensign: that's right - any money that helps people is welfare
Pence: this is one part rule!
Frank: you're damm right it is you loser
Pence: i am willing to let Dems put some of their pet projects in the bill
Frank: big of your asshole
Pence: well after all America belongs to the Republican party
Gregory: Claire admit it this doens't stimulate jobs like dropping cash from the sky on a middle easten country would
McCaskill: that's true
Gregory: why not do what the GOP wants
Ensign: Gregory that's what I've been saying all along
Gregory: [ wags tail ]
Ensign: that's nonsense - we're not going to be laying any firefighters off - the states will be doing that
Frank: this asshole's party wasted hundreds of billions
Ensign: i agreee
Frank: did you filibuster GOP bills
Ensign: [ crickets ]
Gregory: admit it Claire it was all wasteful spending
McCaskill: yes
Pence: can I bring up 9/11 again
Greogry: sure
Pence: look Obama is mean and nasty and partisan but we need tax cuts
Frank: hey psycho why don't you blow me
Greogry: who did all these rotten asssets get on the bank's books??
Frank: gee i don't know - must have been an act of nature
Gregory: it's a mystery
Frank: the credit system is too corrupt to fail
Greogry: who did all these rotten asssets get on the bank's books??
Frank: gee i don't know - must have been an act of nature
Gregory: it's a mystery
Frank: the credit system is too corrupt to fail
Gregory: but a $15,000 tax credit is not going to incentivize me buy a second home in Martha's Vineyard
McCaskill: we have to convince people that giving money to rich people is in their interest
Ensign: i had a good idea
Greogry: which was defeated
Ensign: pheh
Frank: i want to ask executives what they hell they do to earn their bonuses
Gregory: well they don't all get bonsuses
Frank: yes they do
Gregory: we are all stuck in partisan accusations that the banks are getting free money
Pence: this is all the fault of poor black borrowers
Gregory: what's the solution
Pence: amnesty for tax cheats
Frank: jesus christ - the GOP is a party of psychopaths
Gregory: but you also support bank bailouts
Frank: yes but only because we're afraid not to
Gregory: so on one side nutjobs and on the other side cowards
McCaskill: Obama admitted he screwed up and nominated a conservative to Commerce
Ensign: this proves that Washington is incestuous
Gregory: it's crazy - I'm going to ask Luke Russert about this
Frank: hey blame the voters
Gregory: are we really going to bail out more fucking banks?
Frank: why not?
The Chris Matthews Show - February 8, 2009
The Chris Matthews Show
February 8, 2009
********************************
Tweety: will Obama fail to get a bank bailout again??
Norris: of course he's failure
Mitchell: this is is going to be tough with the GOP opposing it
Brooks: TARP was wasted - so we must enact a new one in a bipartisan way
Tweety: OMG Obama's partisan!!!
Duffy: i know it's terrible he's very partisan!!!
Norris: the Republicans are not partisan they are just standing on principle!!
Brooks: it's horrible and a wish list of liberal stuff
Mitchell: most economists will tell you we all know nothing about anything
Tweety: it's all liberal Fibber McGee shit
Mitchell: Dems are the worst people in the world!!!!
Brooks: OMG Obama is not living in Congress!!
Duffy: it's such a blunder to be liberal in Washington - the Obama presidency is a total failure!!
Norris: the Democrats will lose lots of seats in the midterms!!!
Tweety: OMG I'm about to ask a terrible question!!!
Duffy: OMG Tom Daschle!!!
Mitchell: Obama wanted to reform health care as a favor for Teddy Kennedy
Tweety: not the 40 million uninsured Americans?
Mitchell: never heard of them
Tweety: ha ha ha quote of teh week is from Republicans!!!
Brooks: I'll forgive him Tweety
Tweety: i hate Washington thinking ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!
Norris: Obama hasn't moved the ball for health care he's doooooooomed!!!!
Tweety: Obama has failed to get the Republicans to vote for an important bill this is good news for Republicans
Mitchell: admittedly there is a tiny percentage of bad things in the bill but somehow the media only reported that - boy Obama is bad President
Brooks: wow Obama could have had lots of Republican support if he had done what they had wanted
Tweety: he could be bipartisan if he resigned and appointed a Republican
Duffy: Bi-Partisan!!!!
Norris: his presidency is essentially over
Tweety: ha!!!
Tweety: OMG!!! Obama read to schoolchildren - he's just like Bush on and 9/11 and Clinton being impeached!!!
Norris: um Tweety he was in an inner city DC school
Duffy: what a loser
Tweety: Ha! Hee! Ha!
Norris: Tweets do you have Tourette's or something?
Tweety: Fuck! Shit! Momma!
[ men in white coats show up ]
Tweety: OMG Daschle is just like bailed out banking executives!!
Brooks: i speak for the little people who eat Applebee's
Mitchell: oh noe people are very angry the people who caused the economic crisis
Tweety: why do you say that
Mitchell: you should see the hate mail Alan gets
Duffy: the only good moment Obama has ever had was to bash executives
Tweety: what do you prefer hard or soft option
Mitchell: with Alan it's most soft these days
Norris: the public doesn't understand the stimulus and Obama should sell it
Duffy: i'm very concerned about unemployment - which is why i always bash Dems for GOP failures
Mitchell: Zinni was offered the job of Ambassador to Iraq - then it was taken away why??
Tweety: i love Zinni i blew him 2006
Brooks: John McCain has completely lost his mind
Tweety: ha poor guy!
Tweety: will Obama fail to get a bank bailout again??
Norris: of course he's failure
Mitchell: this is is going to be tough with the GOP opposing it
Brooks: TARP was wasted - so we must enact a new one in a bipartisan way
February 8, 2009
********************************
Tweety: will Obama fail to get a bank bailout again??
Norris: of course he's failure
Mitchell: this is is going to be tough with the GOP opposing it
Brooks: TARP was wasted - so we must enact a new one in a bipartisan way
Tweety: OMG Obama's partisan!!!
Duffy: i know it's terrible he's very partisan!!!
Norris: the Republicans are not partisan they are just standing on principle!!
Brooks: it's horrible and a wish list of liberal stuff
Mitchell: most economists will tell you we all know nothing about anything
Tweety: it's all liberal Fibber McGee shit
Mitchell: Dems are the worst people in the world!!!!
Brooks: OMG Obama is not living in Congress!!
Duffy: it's such a blunder to be liberal in Washington - the Obama presidency is a total failure!!
Norris: the Democrats will lose lots of seats in the midterms!!!
Tweety: OMG I'm about to ask a terrible question!!!
Duffy: OMG Tom Daschle!!!
Mitchell: Obama wanted to reform health care as a favor for Teddy Kennedy
Tweety: not the 40 million uninsured Americans?
Mitchell: never heard of them
Tweety: ha ha ha quote of teh week is from Republicans!!!
Brooks: I'll forgive him Tweety
Tweety: i hate Washington thinking ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!
Norris: Obama hasn't moved the ball for health care he's doooooooomed!!!!
Tweety: Obama has failed to get the Republicans to vote for an important bill this is good news for Republicans
Mitchell: admittedly there is a tiny percentage of bad things in the bill but somehow the media only reported that - boy Obama is bad President
Brooks: wow Obama could have had lots of Republican support if he had done what they had wanted
Tweety: he could be bipartisan if he resigned and appointed a Republican
Duffy: Bi-Partisan!!!!
Norris: his presidency is essentially over
Tweety: ha!!!
Tweety: OMG!!! Obama read to schoolchildren - he's just like Bush on and 9/11 and Clinton being impeached!!!
Norris: um Tweety he was in an inner city DC school
Duffy: what a loser
Tweety: Ha! Hee! Ha!
Norris: Tweets do you have Tourette's or something?
Tweety: Fuck! Shit! Momma!
[ men in white coats show up ]
Tweety: OMG Daschle is just like bailed out banking executives!!
Brooks: i speak for the little people who eat Applebee's
Mitchell: oh noe people are very angry the people who caused the economic crisis
Tweety: why do you say that
Mitchell: you should see the hate mail Alan gets
Duffy: the only good moment Obama has ever had was to bash executives
Tweety: what do you prefer hard or soft option
Mitchell: with Alan it's most soft these days
Norris: the public doesn't understand the stimulus and Obama should sell it
Duffy: i'm very concerned about unemployment - which is why i always bash Dems for GOP failures
Mitchell: Zinni was offered the job of Ambassador to Iraq - then it was taken away why??
Tweety: i love Zinni i blew him 2006
Brooks: John McCain has completely lost his mind
Tweety: ha poor guy!
Tweety: will Obama fail to get a bank bailout again??
Norris: of course he's failure
Mitchell: this is is going to be tough with the GOP opposing it
Brooks: TARP was wasted - so we must enact a new one in a bipartisan way
Sunday, February 01, 2009
Meet The Press - February 1, 2009
*********************************
Meet The Press
February 1, 2009
Guests:
Sen. John Kerry
Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchinson
********************************
Gregory: OMG the stimulus bill passed without GOP votes - its so sad!!
Kerry: we'll improve that bill with a massive ketchup tax break
Gregory: what else
Kerry: food stamps for people in tough straits like John Thain
Gregory: jobs?
Kerry: we will build a new electric griddle
Greogory: let me confront a Republican with the Concord Coalition
Hutchinson: thank you
Hutchinson: we can't afford this big spending what with all the debt we have!
Kerry: where did that from?
Hutchinson: Little goblins took over the government in 2001
Gregory: what spending would you like?
Hutchinson: Military spending - that's permanent unlike shitty bridges which once they're built - no more jobs!
Gregory: Dems are being greedy aren't they -- aren't they ramming through bad ideas like Bush did after 9/11?
Kerry: that's a very good point Gregory even though it is stupid i agree that it's inevitable that Dems ideas are good ideas
Gregory: huh?
Kerry: 50% of schools are 50 years old but I would remind you this is not ramming bills though it's called fucking Democracy and we just had a fucking election
Gregory: all well and good Senator Kerry but the issue here is that all bills but be approved by Republicans
Hutchinson: That is exactly right David - Exactly
Gregory: [ beams, wags tail ]
Hutchinson: who's a good boy??
Greogry: yip yip
Hutchinson: Tax cuts saved America in 2001
Gregory: no one knows the truth -- would you concede?
Hutchinson: oh yes
Kerry: like hell I would - Bush failed in every fucking way
Gregory: but but but-
Kerry: fuck off
Hutchinson: but tax cuts made people go back into the stock market in 2001!!
Kerry: oh yay
Hutchinson: we did have productive spending in the last few years - the war on terror, the war in Iraq
Kerry: Kay the economy sucks
Hutchinson: well that's the fault of the fancy people on Wall Street
Kerry: [ snort ]
Gregory: shovel-ready jobs?
Kerry: yes as long as we fix housing and the banks
Gregory: would you spend more to do it?
Hutchinson: sure but eliminate anything that helps people
Gregory: let me quote Rush Limbaugh issuing a challenge on who is a statesman and who is a reckless hack
Hutchinson: the bloated drug addict is right - there is nice spending that must be removed and tax cuts put in
Gregory: did you not hear the people on election day?
Hutchinson: i agree we need a new electric grill - but if Obama believes Republicans should get what they want he needs to give us what we want
Kerry: oh my god I haven't heard this much whining since my kids were toddlers
Kay: but but-
Gregory: isn't the stimulus bill a total failure if the GOP votes against it?
Kerry: moron
Gregory: bail out banks?
Hutchinson: yes but we should do it Obama's way and not the Stupid way
Gregory: fair enough
Hutchinson: sadly good people were caught in the net of bad loans
Gregory: buy toxic assets?
Kerry: no we should make the shareholders eat the loss
Gregory: oh so sad
Gregory: but whether you like this or not we can all agree we have to bail out the banks
Gregory: what about Sen. Jugg Gredd?
Hutchinson: No Democrats - Juggs would never do that!!
Gregory: what about Tom Daschle?
Kerry: I've known Tom for 25 years and he always picks up a check
Gregory: how shitty is the economy?
Zandi: really very very shitty
Gregory: Steve Ballmer said things really suck
Forbes: oh I disagree we can definitely rebound all we need to do is say "ain't" on tv
Burnett: we consumed like crazy for 25 years and that's gone forever - Generation Y sucks to be you
Gregory: let me go to the ultimate authority on teh economy - the Heritage Foundation - and now for contrast, steve forbes
Forbes: sure asset values have falled for instance my collection of fabrege eggs is worth less but we need to stop whining
Gregory: what's the solution
Forbes: Americans need to stop crying, show initiative and inherit a billion dollars from their weird gay dad
Gregory: well we can't all be Suri
Gregory: What's the answer?
Zandi: Tax cuts
Forbes: Spending alone isn't going to do it - you'll never guess what my answer is?
Greogry: lower income taxes?
Forbes: ha - no! Lower corporate taxes
Gregory: and mark to market
Forbes: so so so so sad
Gregory: why has Obama failed so much?
Burnett: the issue is not private jets - it's that we must bail out the banks or the economy will not grow
Gregory: so how can we help the banks?
Burnett: create a bad bank
Gregory: but we already have Citigroup
Gregory: but this could cost 2 trillion
Zandi: oh no only $500 billion
Gregory: oh is that all
Zandi: the government should buy the bad loans and get a good low price for it
Gregory: and hope and pray things will work out
Gregory: Obama got mad at all the Wall Street bonuses
Burnett: oh I get all so-called outrage and fake populism but you got to understand the people on Wall Street are doing their darndest!
Zandi: this is the risk of giving tax money cause then taxpayers want control which is just crazy - government can't make these decisions!
Gregory: this also applies to the national endowment for the arts right
Burnett: ha ha ha - no
Forbes: hey you take the money you pay the price
Burnett: this populism is very very scary - someone needs to tell the little people to hand over their tax money and shut the fuck up
Meet The Press
February 1, 2009
Guests:
Sen. John Kerry
Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchinson
********************************
Gregory: OMG the stimulus bill passed without GOP votes - its so sad!!
Kerry: we'll improve that bill with a massive ketchup tax break
Gregory: what else
Kerry: food stamps for people in tough straits like John Thain
Gregory: jobs?
Kerry: we will build a new electric griddle
Greogory: let me confront a Republican with the Concord Coalition
Hutchinson: thank you
Hutchinson: we can't afford this big spending what with all the debt we have!
Kerry: where did that from?
Hutchinson: Little goblins took over the government in 2001
Gregory: what spending would you like?
Hutchinson: Military spending - that's permanent unlike shitty bridges which once they're built - no more jobs!
Gregory: Dems are being greedy aren't they -- aren't they ramming through bad ideas like Bush did after 9/11?
Kerry: that's a very good point Gregory even though it is stupid i agree that it's inevitable that Dems ideas are good ideas
Gregory: huh?
Kerry: 50% of schools are 50 years old but I would remind you this is not ramming bills though it's called fucking Democracy and we just had a fucking election
Gregory: all well and good Senator Kerry but the issue here is that all bills but be approved by Republicans
Hutchinson: That is exactly right David - Exactly
Gregory: [ beams, wags tail ]
Hutchinson: who's a good boy??
Greogry: yip yip
Hutchinson: Tax cuts saved America in 2001
Gregory: no one knows the truth -- would you concede?
Hutchinson: oh yes
Kerry: like hell I would - Bush failed in every fucking way
Gregory: but but but-
Kerry: fuck off
Hutchinson: but tax cuts made people go back into the stock market in 2001!!
Kerry: oh yay
Hutchinson: we did have productive spending in the last few years - the war on terror, the war in Iraq
Kerry: Kay the economy sucks
Hutchinson: well that's the fault of the fancy people on Wall Street
Kerry: [ snort ]
Gregory: shovel-ready jobs?
Kerry: yes as long as we fix housing and the banks
Gregory: would you spend more to do it?
Hutchinson: sure but eliminate anything that helps people
Gregory: let me quote Rush Limbaugh issuing a challenge on who is a statesman and who is a reckless hack
Hutchinson: the bloated drug addict is right - there is nice spending that must be removed and tax cuts put in
Gregory: did you not hear the people on election day?
Hutchinson: i agree we need a new electric grill - but if Obama believes Republicans should get what they want he needs to give us what we want
Kerry: oh my god I haven't heard this much whining since my kids were toddlers
Kay: but but-
Gregory: isn't the stimulus bill a total failure if the GOP votes against it?
Kerry: moron
Gregory: bail out banks?
Hutchinson: yes but we should do it Obama's way and not the Stupid way
Gregory: fair enough
Hutchinson: sadly good people were caught in the net of bad loans
Gregory: buy toxic assets?
Kerry: no we should make the shareholders eat the loss
Gregory: oh so sad
Gregory: but whether you like this or not we can all agree we have to bail out the banks
Gregory: what about Sen. Jugg Gredd?
Hutchinson: No Democrats - Juggs would never do that!!
Gregory: what about Tom Daschle?
Kerry: I've known Tom for 25 years and he always picks up a check
Gregory: how shitty is the economy?
Zandi: really very very shitty
Gregory: Steve Ballmer said things really suck
Forbes: oh I disagree we can definitely rebound all we need to do is say "ain't" on tv
Burnett: we consumed like crazy for 25 years and that's gone forever - Generation Y sucks to be you
Gregory: let me go to the ultimate authority on teh economy - the Heritage Foundation - and now for contrast, steve forbes
Forbes: sure asset values have falled for instance my collection of fabrege eggs is worth less but we need to stop whining
Gregory: what's the solution
Forbes: Americans need to stop crying, show initiative and inherit a billion dollars from their weird gay dad
Gregory: well we can't all be Suri
Gregory: What's the answer?
Zandi: Tax cuts
Forbes: Spending alone isn't going to do it - you'll never guess what my answer is?
Greogry: lower income taxes?
Forbes: ha - no! Lower corporate taxes
Gregory: and mark to market
Forbes: so so so so sad
Gregory: why has Obama failed so much?
Burnett: the issue is not private jets - it's that we must bail out the banks or the economy will not grow
Gregory: so how can we help the banks?
Burnett: create a bad bank
Gregory: but we already have Citigroup
Gregory: but this could cost 2 trillion
Zandi: oh no only $500 billion
Gregory: oh is that all
Zandi: the government should buy the bad loans and get a good low price for it
Gregory: and hope and pray things will work out
Gregory: Obama got mad at all the Wall Street bonuses
Burnett: oh I get all so-called outrage and fake populism but you got to understand the people on Wall Street are doing their darndest!
Zandi: this is the risk of giving tax money cause then taxpayers want control which is just crazy - government can't make these decisions!
Gregory: this also applies to the national endowment for the arts right
Burnett: ha ha ha - no
Forbes: hey you take the money you pay the price
Burnett: this populism is very very scary - someone needs to tell the little people to hand over their tax money and shut the fuck up
This Week with George Stephanopoulos - February, 1, 2009
**************************************
This Week with George Stephanopoulos
February, 1, 2009
****************************************
Stephanopoulos: Buy American?
Schmidt: screw that - my grandma was a telephone operator and she lost her job to the PhoneBot 2000
Frank: There are British riots hating on Italians - they don't want them taking their Top Chef jobs
Stephanopoulos: that's not good for anyone
DeMint: i have a suggestion - let's cut taxes and regulations!!
Frank: oh yeah that's the problem - not enough regulations
DeMint: [ interrupts ] that's so gai
Frank: shut up ya neocon freak
DeMint: don't call it stimulus when it's government spending
Frank: but it is
DeMint: this is biggest spending ever in history
Frank: no that's the war in Iraq which is apparently free
Stephanopoulos: sorry we're not allowed to talk about that
Frank: well that's the problem isn't it?
FedEx: you have to understand that poor Wall Street types depend on bonuses but then again if you take taxpayer money you should probably not have a $1,400 wastebasket
Stephanopoulos: are teh CEOs idiots?
Schmidt: the best way to compensate CEOs is first with stock and then with taxpayer money
Frank: speaking of the Iraq war this is collateral damage in reverse it’s "collateral benefit" which is when you help people and accidentally aid scumbags
Stephanopoulos: interesting point
Frank: don't underestimate the anger of average American over all this stealing
DeMint: we know cutting taxes jolts the economy immediately
Stephanopoulos: how do we know that?
DeMint: the Heritage Foundation said so
Frank: oh well fuck it then
DeMint: don't call it stimulus when all you are doing is building a bridge - how many Hummers does that buy?
Frank: you are stimulating people from not dying from a collapsed bridge
DeMint: if spending worked America would have the best economy in the world
Frank: Jim why do you hate America??
Stephanopoulos: Obama Failed. To get GOP votes.
Will: Obama let liberals write this bill just because they won the 2008 elections it's outrageous
Stephanopoulos: so?
Will: the protectionism will cost jobs
Stephanopoulos: oh of course
Sanger: the issue is should we kill America like Dems want or fix America like GOP want?
Stephanopoulos: that's it
Woodward: the banks are breaking and liberals want to act without knowing facts - unlike the Bush administration
Stephanopoulos: Obama has failed domestically -
how is he failing internationally?
Radatz: give him time
Stephanopoulos: Afghanistan is Obama's Vietnam
Will: I can't believe Obama got us into Afghanistan it's the size of Texas - is he insane???
Stephanopoulos: who's fault is this?
Will: Obama - and Bill Clinton
Radatz: it's so big the whole idea of going into Afghanistan is crazy!!
Woodward: it's nuts!!
Woodward: When is the peace Obama promised a week ago??? Where is it???
Sanger: he's a failure like Bush!!
Stephanopoulos: so true
Sanger: Obama is going to have invade Pakistan if he aspires to be a great failure like George Bush
Stephanopoulos: should we surrender to the Taliban?
Will: Bush was better because he aspired to greatness and failed where Obama has lower expectations and may succeed
Radatz: the whole idea of being in Afghanistan is ridiculous
Stephanopoulos: did you point this out when Bush was President?
Radatz: no - he gave me a nickname and wiggled his fingers at me once
Woodward: why are we in Afghanistan it's an outrage!!
Radatz: meanwhile Iraq is a paradise
Will: a gangsta's paradise?
Woodward: but but but we have no strategy only a plan!!
Sanger: I agree Obama has made one mistake after another -- first invading Iraq and now Afghanistan
Stephanopoulos: it's crazy
Sanger: Bush was a wonderful President and Obama is very nice but he's no Chimpy
Woodward: speaking from 30,000 feet for a moment
Audience: ban this whiny fucker
Will: the economy here is bad imagine who bad it is in Afghanistan
Stephanopoulos: and all the money Obama wants to spend there!
Sanger: People have begun to understand that Iraq was very expensive
Stephanopoulos: Just in time!
Sanger: and invading Iraq took our eye off the ball in Afghanistan
Stephanopoulos: Truly Obama is a bad President
Radatz: indeed
Woodward: i would like whine some more
[ whine whine whine ]
This Week with George Stephanopoulos
February, 1, 2009
****************************************
Stephanopoulos: Buy American?
Schmidt: screw that - my grandma was a telephone operator and she lost her job to the PhoneBot 2000
Frank: There are British riots hating on Italians - they don't want them taking their Top Chef jobs
Stephanopoulos: that's not good for anyone
DeMint: i have a suggestion - let's cut taxes and regulations!!
Frank: oh yeah that's the problem - not enough regulations
DeMint: [ interrupts ] that's so gai
Frank: shut up ya neocon freak
DeMint: don't call it stimulus when it's government spending
Frank: but it is
DeMint: this is biggest spending ever in history
Frank: no that's the war in Iraq which is apparently free
Stephanopoulos: sorry we're not allowed to talk about that
Frank: well that's the problem isn't it?
FedEx: you have to understand that poor Wall Street types depend on bonuses but then again if you take taxpayer money you should probably not have a $1,400 wastebasket
Stephanopoulos: are teh CEOs idiots?
Schmidt: the best way to compensate CEOs is first with stock and then with taxpayer money
Frank: speaking of the Iraq war this is collateral damage in reverse it’s "collateral benefit" which is when you help people and accidentally aid scumbags
Stephanopoulos: interesting point
Frank: don't underestimate the anger of average American over all this stealing
DeMint: we know cutting taxes jolts the economy immediately
Stephanopoulos: how do we know that?
DeMint: the Heritage Foundation said so
Frank: oh well fuck it then
DeMint: don't call it stimulus when all you are doing is building a bridge - how many Hummers does that buy?
Frank: you are stimulating people from not dying from a collapsed bridge
DeMint: if spending worked America would have the best economy in the world
Frank: Jim why do you hate America??
Stephanopoulos: Obama Failed. To get GOP votes.
Will: Obama let liberals write this bill just because they won the 2008 elections it's outrageous
Stephanopoulos: so?
Will: the protectionism will cost jobs
Stephanopoulos: oh of course
Sanger: the issue is should we kill America like Dems want or fix America like GOP want?
Stephanopoulos: that's it
Woodward: the banks are breaking and liberals want to act without knowing facts - unlike the Bush administration
Stephanopoulos: Obama has failed domestically -
how is he failing internationally?
Radatz: give him time
Stephanopoulos: Afghanistan is Obama's Vietnam
Will: I can't believe Obama got us into Afghanistan it's the size of Texas - is he insane???
Stephanopoulos: who's fault is this?
Will: Obama - and Bill Clinton
Radatz: it's so big the whole idea of going into Afghanistan is crazy!!
Woodward: it's nuts!!
Woodward: When is the peace Obama promised a week ago??? Where is it???
Sanger: he's a failure like Bush!!
Stephanopoulos: so true
Sanger: Obama is going to have invade Pakistan if he aspires to be a great failure like George Bush
Stephanopoulos: should we surrender to the Taliban?
Will: Bush was better because he aspired to greatness and failed where Obama has lower expectations and may succeed
Radatz: the whole idea of being in Afghanistan is ridiculous
Stephanopoulos: did you point this out when Bush was President?
Radatz: no - he gave me a nickname and wiggled his fingers at me once
Woodward: why are we in Afghanistan it's an outrage!!
Radatz: meanwhile Iraq is a paradise
Will: a gangsta's paradise?
Woodward: but but but we have no strategy only a plan!!
Sanger: I agree Obama has made one mistake after another -- first invading Iraq and now Afghanistan
Stephanopoulos: it's crazy
Sanger: Bush was a wonderful President and Obama is very nice but he's no Chimpy
Woodward: speaking from 30,000 feet for a moment
Audience: ban this whiny fucker
Will: the economy here is bad imagine who bad it is in Afghanistan
Stephanopoulos: and all the money Obama wants to spend there!
Sanger: People have begun to understand that Iraq was very expensive
Stephanopoulos: Just in time!
Sanger: and invading Iraq took our eye off the ball in Afghanistan
Stephanopoulos: Truly Obama is a bad President
Radatz: indeed
Woodward: i would like whine some more
[ whine whine whine ]
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)