********************************
Sergeant-at-arms: Heeeereee’s Baraaaack!!
Boehner: I just found out this guy is my half-brother - President Obama!!!
Obama: Thanks John
Republicans, Democrats, and Michelle Bachmann - give it up for the Crying Man!!
[clap clap clap]
Obama: Let’s remember Gabby Giffords
[ Applause ]
Obama: Tuscon reminds us that no matter who are or where we come from we live in an America in which we are bound together by the knowledge any of us at any time can be shot by a manic waving a legally purchased automatic weapon meant for killing dozens of people
[ yaaaaaay ]
But however much we hate each others guts we
still have to work together
That’s what the voters want - those fucking idiots
Voters want us to rebuild America, restore manufacturing, and make this nation a beacon to
the whole world - in other words those poor deluded fools want the impossible
But good news America - the stock market is back and Wall Street is rich again!
[ yiiipeeeeeeee ]
Sadly the people still aren’t satisfied - those unemployed losers want even more!
So I gave businesses more tax cuts - which will create even more
jobs and if not then we will cut their taxes even more and more again
I know this is hard to believe, but America once had factories with decent pay and benefits with lifetime jobs
Well that was a long fucking time ago and those jobs have gone boys and they ain’t comin’ back
Springsteen: hey
We spend all our time on Facebook while damm Tiger moms teach their kids in Bangalore and Beijing to build supercomputers to beat our Jeopardy champions
Alex I’ll take Declining Empires for a thousand fucking dollars!
But the good news is for a few more years we
will still have the world’s biggest economy and our universities are teaching people from all over the world to beat us at our own game
Sure our stupid kids don’t memorize facts but
damm we got self-esteem!
[ yaaaay ]
We have to make America great again or at least not suck so much!
[ whoop whoop whoop ]
No one knows where the next jobs will come from but dammit we’re the nation that put a motherfucking car on the goddamm moon and made a 26 year-old socially inept asshole a billionaire ten times over!
50 years ago the Soviets built a robot dog named Sputnik and America met that challenge and built
an android named Al Gore!
[ yeeeeaaaahh ]
After 9/11 we needed some dudes from Michigan to rebuild the Pentagon
Sure we could spend money on clean energy but instead we’re going to hold a contest -- it’s like
reality tv fuckers!
[ much clapping ]
To pay for it I’m asking Congress to stop giving billions to oil companies!
[ confused applause ]
By 2035 I want 80 percent of America’s energy to come clean coal, wind, solar and an army of fucking mutant hamsters!
[ YAAAY ]
Now let’s talk about our idiot kids - they can’t even finish our high schools, which isn’t even that hard!! Criminy people!
Listen up parents - turn off the tv! NOT NOW sheesh!!
Fuck Ben Rothliesberger - give it up for the
nerds and geeks!
[ cheering ]
I invented Race To The Top - first school with 10 students who can run 100 yards without stopping gets a billion dollars!
But not No Child Left Behind - I’m done with that shit
[ CLAP ]
Take some crappy gang-ridden school in South Park Colorado - for years this school killed Kenny and now we have put an end to it - Kenny LIVES!!
[ yaaaay!!!! ]
Let’s honor teachers and build a motherfuckin’ nation here at home!!
We need engineering and science and math teachers!
So will bring here from India and China!! America needs you!
[ muted clapping ]
But let’s face it - college is where the real fun is.
So I told Sallie Mae to fuck off!
[ whooo hoooo ]
By the end of the decade America will have more students going to keg parties than any other
country in the world!!!
[ yeaaaahhh!! ]
America’s colleges are full of foreigners - without them who will staff our IT departments?!? Who will log us on when we have forgotten our passwords? Who will retrieve our lost e-mails?!!?
[ whispered agreement ]
America built the transcontinental railroad!!
But that 100 fucking years ago!!
We could build high-speed rail which is better than flying - without the body groping unless that is you what you want Lindsey Graham
The tax is too damm high!! Let’s cut the tax for
those poor corporations!!
[ YAYYYY ]
I’d like to double exports by 2014!
I’d also like to be a white man with Brad Pitt’s looks, Tom Brady’s wife and Mark Zuckerberg’s money!
[clapping and cheering ]
I ordered Joe Biden to read every government regulation
[ fuck yeah ]
I enacted financial regulation and health care reform!
[ Boooooo ]
Hey morons - you want to reform health care be my fucking guest
Go ahead fuck over people with preexisting conditions - I’m sure the American will love that
Be sure to screw over the young and old people too while you’re at it
All right shitheads let’s talk about the debt created by as usual Republicans
Now that I solved the recession it’s to cut the spending that solved the recession
[ YAAAY]
So tonight I propose we freeze spending for 5 years
[ clap ]
These cuts will be painful - like cutting funding to ACORN and the Pentagon’s Shark-Laser program
But that won’t be enough!
Alan Simpson told me we have to cut spending everywhere! Including Medicare and Medicaid!
What’s the answer? Fucking Tort reform!
That’s right! Kicking it old school!
What about the old, infirm, crippled and mentally ill? What about Dick Cheney?
If we want to buy him that nuclear powered machine in place of a heart we have to raise taxes on the rich!
[ clap ]
While we’re at it - why not simplify the tax code? Hells even Timmy Geithner can’t figure it out!!
[ heh ]
I’m trying be the anti-George Bush! Black articulate and competent!
Did you know there’s one federal department for marijuana in brownies and another when it’s smoked! That’s fucking crazy!
[ whoooooooo ]
If someone sends me a bill with ear marks I will veto it! This ain’t no fucking David Lynch movie!!
[ yaaaaay ]
America’s moral example must always shine for those who stand for liberty, freedom and indefinite detention without charges!!
We’re leaving Iraq and violence is down to less than Camden New Jersey!
As extremists promote violence - I say this to Glenn Beck - Muslims are Americans too!!
We’re getting the fuck out of Afghanistan. It will take the combined efforts of fifty countries to get out us - we’re the morbidly obese of modern empires!!
But we can still kick some al-qaeda ass!!
I got the START treaty enacted, put sanctions on Iraq and spanked North Korea - that’s right I’m a Nobel prize winner fuckers!!
I’ve been to Russia, Asia and India, cleaning up Bush’s embarrassing messes one nation at a time!!
Next year Michelle and I are going to Brazil - Carnavale fuckers!!
Now there is peace in Sudan - of course you’re still stuck in Sudan but whatever
And then there’s Tunisia
Bachmann: gesundheit
Thanks darling
I love our troops - they totally rock
[ cheers ]
Let us treat them as well as they have treated us -
or at least better than we were which isn’t much
Our soldiers are Hindu and Jewish and Muslim
McCain: what the fuck
And gay! So let’s be the best gayest military there fucking is!!
[ yaaaay ]
None of this will be easy - especially with a Congress of drooling morons
I wish I was a dictator- believe me
But at least we’re not French with their horrible food and socialized health care
[ clap clap clap ]
We’re a nation where even two white idiots like
Joe Biden and John Boehner can serve in mildly high office
[ yaaaaaaaaaay ]
I have a dream - where Americas can come to the aid of exploited workers halfway around the world
[ fuck yeah ]
We do big things goddammit
We’re a nation of great big huge enormous people! We’re motherfucking supersized!
Good night white fuckers!!!
**********************************
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Republican response to State of the Union Address
Hi I’m Congressman Paul Ryan - tonight’s designated loser
As the Bible says - let’s pray for the wounded and cut the deficit
We cut Congress’s own budget - no more hookers before 9:00 p.m!!
Obama doubled the size of the government 50 years from now!
It’s true we handed Obama a total crisis but he created more debt - it was an 84% increase if you totally lie
And then he said Americans deserve health care - I mean that’s just crazy
How can businesses create jobs with all these sick people being treated? What the hell?
Last week Republicans passed a fictional repeal of the health care law so our work is done
Republicans just realized that the debt is out of control - so we need to cut taxes for corporations and rich people
It’s a fucking spending spree!
Oh by the way we love old people so more money for all you voters
As Thomas Jefferson once said the purpose of government is to build a wall to keep out immigrants, attack pirates, cut taxes for the rich and keep mosques out of lower Manhattan
What is up with government anyway? I mean do we really need one? Really?
We’re approaching a tipping point - within a year a young inexperienced black son of a Kenyan will prove to be a better President than a white Yale legacy son of a President. We don’t have much time! Our day of reckoning is soon here!! We must act now!!
Remember Lincoln was a white guy! And so was Washington! White guys brought you Gettysburg, Pearl Harbor and Ultimate Fighting! Give us another chance!!
Pleeeeeaasseeee!!!!???
**************************
As the Bible says - let’s pray for the wounded and cut the deficit
We cut Congress’s own budget - no more hookers before 9:00 p.m!!
Obama doubled the size of the government 50 years from now!
It’s true we handed Obama a total crisis but he created more debt - it was an 84% increase if you totally lie
And then he said Americans deserve health care - I mean that’s just crazy
How can businesses create jobs with all these sick people being treated? What the hell?
Last week Republicans passed a fictional repeal of the health care law so our work is done
Republicans just realized that the debt is out of control - so we need to cut taxes for corporations and rich people
It’s a fucking spending spree!
Oh by the way we love old people so more money for all you voters
As Thomas Jefferson once said the purpose of government is to build a wall to keep out immigrants, attack pirates, cut taxes for the rich and keep mosques out of lower Manhattan
What is up with government anyway? I mean do we really need one? Really?
We’re approaching a tipping point - within a year a young inexperienced black son of a Kenyan will prove to be a better President than a white Yale legacy son of a President. We don’t have much time! Our day of reckoning is soon here!! We must act now!!
Remember Lincoln was a white guy! And so was Washington! White guys brought you Gettysburg, Pearl Harbor and Ultimate Fighting! Give us another chance!!
Pleeeeeaasseeee!!!!???
**************************
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Meet The Press - January 23, 2011
Guests:
House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA)
Rep. James Clyburn (D-SC)
Karen Hughes (Fmr. Bush advisor)
John Podesta (Center for American Progress)
Ron Brownstein (Atlantic Media)
Erin Burnett (CNBC)
*****************************
Gregory: Eric what should Obama say on Tuesday?
Cantor: Obama is obsessed with getting things
done in Washington
Gregory: How odd
Cantor: the America people hate their government
Gregory: they do?
Cantor: we need to cut spending not invest
Gregory: so you reject investment to get out of recession or build up America for the future?
Cantor: darn right Greggers
Gregory: How will you cut $100 billion?
Cantor: oh that wasn’t serious
Gregory: what happened to your promises?
Cantor: we’re against all past rampant spending
by Congress
Gregory: didn’t you do that?
Cantor: yes but all that is different now
Gregory: so what will you cut?
Cantor: a lot
Gregory: like what?
Cantor: did I mention all this is the Democrats fault?
Gregory: are you going to blackmail the President by threatening to default on the debt?
Cantor: right - we’re going to demand huge cuts
in spending
Gregory: ok like what cuts?
Cantor: hundreds of programs
Gregory: fascinating - like what?
Cantor: the Presidential Election Fund
Gregory: ok so nothing
Cantor: [ pouts ]
Gregory: how about defense spending?
Cantor: sure maybe
Gregory: Dick Armey says we should end
farm subsidies and turn the White House into
an Applebees
Cantor: we should cut what needs to be cut
Gregory: Harry Reid says Social Security is fine
Cantor: it’s a train wreck
Gregory: so what’s the solution?
Cantor: repeal Obama’s health care bill
Gregory: I didn’t ask about that - I asked about Social Security
Cantor: Reid is not willing to cut Medicare
Gregory: what are you willing to do?
Cantor: we’re willing to discuss it
Gregory: how much more discussion do you need?
Cantor: ok - between you and me we will cut Social Security for young people
Gregory: It seems like John Boehner does not have a serious alternative to Obama’s health care plan
Cantor: maybe but Obama’s plan was
jammed through
Gregory: what’s your plan?
Cantor: we have a plan to eventually have a plan
Gregory: what is the plan?
Cantor: Let people negotiate with their doctors
Gregory: it seems like you don’t have a plan at all
Cantor: we don’t but at least we won’t jam through any bills
Gregory: you jammed through Obamacare
repeal last week
Cantor: we had 7 hours of debate
Gregory: ok then
Cantor: Republicans believe top-down government from Washington sucks and we have set out to prove it
Gregory: is Obama a moderate?
Cantor: I’ll believe that if he proves Washington is not the answer by resigning
Gregory: Loony conservatives think Obama was born in Kenya which is crazy-talk
Cantor: it’s very uncivil to call people crazy
Gregory: do you think it’s ok to call Obama a foreign America-hating fascist
Cantor: you’re trying to get me to engage in name-calling
Gregory: do you think Obama is trying to bring
down America?
Cantor: no I think he’s doing it by accident
Gregory: fair enough
Cantor: The real question is Obama going to renounce equality of outcomes and willing to
see people's lives crushed to benefit the rich and connected
Gregory: I’m guessing not
Cantor: then he hates America
Gregory: what’s the deal with the Tea Party?
Cantor: stop picking on those cute wackos
Gregory: Reid says the Tea Party is will disappear now that China has stopped making funny
novelty hats
Cantor: I love those anti-government freaks
Gregory: thanks for coming Eric
[ break ]
Gregory: What should the President say
on Tuesday?
Burnett: putting GE in charge of exports was genius because they export more jobs than anyone
Clyburn: Obama has created more jobs in 2 years that Bush did in 8
Podesta: Obama should stop worrying about what happens on Capitol Hill and worry about what happens in America
Gregory: I see
Hughes: The President doesn’t know how to
create jobs like Republicans do
Gregory: is that right
Hughes: Obama is just like a Republican now - except successful
Brownstein: but he still believes in government -
he's like Abe Lincoln only handsome
Lincoln: screw you brownie
Hughes: this huge debt is terrible!!
Gregory: didn’t you work for George Bush?
Burnett: Calm down we’re still a very rich
country people
Gregory: Could we have a government shut-down - that would be so much fun
Clyburn: Anything is possible after all Republicans recently nearly destroyed this country
Gregory: true but Obama passed health care reform which is the same
Hughes: Give us credit - Republicans bailed out
Wall Street with your taxes!
Gregory: truly brilliant
Brownstein: To compete with China we should cut medical care for old people
Gregory: Why didn’t Obama hire Immelt 2 years ago instead of giving some losers health care
Clyburn: because Fluffy personal bankruptcies were caused by health care expenses
Hughes: Obama lost 6 million jobs since he caused the recession when he became President
in December of 2008
Gregory: how interesting
Brownstein: what the fuck is the GOP health plan anyway?
Gregory: 2012 is upon us!
Obama: We are a divided nation but we can all come together as one people and find common ground: hating the New England Patriots
Gregory: Will Obama be a one-term President?
Hughes: oh sure
Gregory: He’s more popular now
Hughes: Only because a Democrat Congresswoman got shot
Gregory: that’s all?
Hughes: also people love big tax cuts
Gregory: that's true
Burnett: Wall Street thinks Obama will crush
Mitt Romney
Hughes he’s cheating by being popular
Brownstein: the GOP has blue-collar voters who love tax cuts for the rich and hate government
Gregory: Can Newt Gingrich and Sarah Palin win?
Podesta: they can carry the lunatic vote which is a large percentage of a GOP primary
Clyburn: Palin is attractive and articulate but dumb
Gregory: that’s sexist Jim
Clyburn: I have three daughters smarter than Palin and a cocker spaniel with better political skills
Gregory: that sounds right
Hughes: forget Palin - feel the Pawlentropy!
Brownstein: Obama has to turn out women, blacks, gays, vegans and all the other freaks
Burnett: No one is really willing to tell Americans the
free ride is over
Gregory: Obama’s Ambassador can win the GOP primary!
Podesta: you’re still a moron Fluffy
Gregory: Do you think anyone will yell at Obama this year
Clyburn: Let’s see if the GOP regains it’s sanity
Gregory: Anything could happen - and that's
Meet The Press
*******************************
House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA)
Rep. James Clyburn (D-SC)
Karen Hughes (Fmr. Bush advisor)
John Podesta (Center for American Progress)
Ron Brownstein (Atlantic Media)
Erin Burnett (CNBC)
*****************************
Gregory: Eric what should Obama say on Tuesday?
Cantor: Obama is obsessed with getting things
done in Washington
Gregory: How odd
Cantor: the America people hate their government
Gregory: they do?
Cantor: we need to cut spending not invest
Gregory: so you reject investment to get out of recession or build up America for the future?
Cantor: darn right Greggers
Gregory: How will you cut $100 billion?
Cantor: oh that wasn’t serious
Gregory: what happened to your promises?
Cantor: we’re against all past rampant spending
by Congress
Gregory: didn’t you do that?
Cantor: yes but all that is different now
Gregory: so what will you cut?
Cantor: a lot
Gregory: like what?
Cantor: did I mention all this is the Democrats fault?
Gregory: are you going to blackmail the President by threatening to default on the debt?
Cantor: right - we’re going to demand huge cuts
in spending
Gregory: ok like what cuts?
Cantor: hundreds of programs
Gregory: fascinating - like what?
Cantor: the Presidential Election Fund
Gregory: ok so nothing
Cantor: [ pouts ]
Gregory: how about defense spending?
Cantor: sure maybe
Gregory: Dick Armey says we should end
farm subsidies and turn the White House into
an Applebees
Cantor: we should cut what needs to be cut
Gregory: Harry Reid says Social Security is fine
Cantor: it’s a train wreck
Gregory: so what’s the solution?
Cantor: repeal Obama’s health care bill
Gregory: I didn’t ask about that - I asked about Social Security
Cantor: Reid is not willing to cut Medicare
Gregory: what are you willing to do?
Cantor: we’re willing to discuss it
Gregory: how much more discussion do you need?
Cantor: ok - between you and me we will cut Social Security for young people
Gregory: It seems like John Boehner does not have a serious alternative to Obama’s health care plan
Cantor: maybe but Obama’s plan was
jammed through
Gregory: what’s your plan?
Cantor: we have a plan to eventually have a plan
Gregory: what is the plan?
Cantor: Let people negotiate with their doctors
Gregory: it seems like you don’t have a plan at all
Cantor: we don’t but at least we won’t jam through any bills
Gregory: you jammed through Obamacare
repeal last week
Cantor: we had 7 hours of debate
Gregory: ok then
Cantor: Republicans believe top-down government from Washington sucks and we have set out to prove it
Gregory: is Obama a moderate?
Cantor: I’ll believe that if he proves Washington is not the answer by resigning
Gregory: Loony conservatives think Obama was born in Kenya which is crazy-talk
Cantor: it’s very uncivil to call people crazy
Gregory: do you think it’s ok to call Obama a foreign America-hating fascist
Cantor: you’re trying to get me to engage in name-calling
Gregory: do you think Obama is trying to bring
down America?
Cantor: no I think he’s doing it by accident
Gregory: fair enough
Cantor: The real question is Obama going to renounce equality of outcomes and willing to
see people's lives crushed to benefit the rich and connected
Gregory: I’m guessing not
Cantor: then he hates America
Gregory: what’s the deal with the Tea Party?
Cantor: stop picking on those cute wackos
Gregory: Reid says the Tea Party is will disappear now that China has stopped making funny
novelty hats
Cantor: I love those anti-government freaks
Gregory: thanks for coming Eric
[ break ]
Gregory: What should the President say
on Tuesday?
Burnett: putting GE in charge of exports was genius because they export more jobs than anyone
Clyburn: Obama has created more jobs in 2 years that Bush did in 8
Podesta: Obama should stop worrying about what happens on Capitol Hill and worry about what happens in America
Gregory: I see
Hughes: The President doesn’t know how to
create jobs like Republicans do
Gregory: is that right
Hughes: Obama is just like a Republican now - except successful
Brownstein: but he still believes in government -
he's like Abe Lincoln only handsome
Lincoln: screw you brownie
Hughes: this huge debt is terrible!!
Gregory: didn’t you work for George Bush?
Burnett: Calm down we’re still a very rich
country people
Gregory: Could we have a government shut-down - that would be so much fun
Clyburn: Anything is possible after all Republicans recently nearly destroyed this country
Gregory: true but Obama passed health care reform which is the same
Hughes: Give us credit - Republicans bailed out
Wall Street with your taxes!
Gregory: truly brilliant
Brownstein: To compete with China we should cut medical care for old people
Gregory: Why didn’t Obama hire Immelt 2 years ago instead of giving some losers health care
Clyburn: because Fluffy personal bankruptcies were caused by health care expenses
Hughes: Obama lost 6 million jobs since he caused the recession when he became President
in December of 2008
Gregory: how interesting
Brownstein: what the fuck is the GOP health plan anyway?
Gregory: 2012 is upon us!
Obama: We are a divided nation but we can all come together as one people and find common ground: hating the New England Patriots
Gregory: Will Obama be a one-term President?
Hughes: oh sure
Gregory: He’s more popular now
Hughes: Only because a Democrat Congresswoman got shot
Gregory: that’s all?
Hughes: also people love big tax cuts
Gregory: that's true
Burnett: Wall Street thinks Obama will crush
Mitt Romney
Hughes he’s cheating by being popular
Brownstein: the GOP has blue-collar voters who love tax cuts for the rich and hate government
Gregory: Can Newt Gingrich and Sarah Palin win?
Podesta: they can carry the lunatic vote which is a large percentage of a GOP primary
Clyburn: Palin is attractive and articulate but dumb
Gregory: that’s sexist Jim
Clyburn: I have three daughters smarter than Palin and a cocker spaniel with better political skills
Gregory: that sounds right
Hughes: forget Palin - feel the Pawlentropy!
Brownstein: Obama has to turn out women, blacks, gays, vegans and all the other freaks
Burnett: No one is really willing to tell Americans the
free ride is over
Gregory: Obama’s Ambassador can win the GOP primary!
Podesta: you’re still a moron Fluffy
Gregory: Do you think anyone will yell at Obama this year
Clyburn: Let’s see if the GOP regains it’s sanity
Gregory: Anything could happen - and that's
Meet The Press
*******************************
This Week with Christiane Amanpour - January 23, 2011
Guests:
Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-CT)
Sen. Kent Conrad (D-ND)
Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison (R-TX)
Sen. Mike Lee (R-UT)
Rep. Chris Gibson (R-NY)
Rep. Bobby Schilling (R-IL)
********************************
Amanpour: Obama is giving a State of the Union address - what will he say?!
Tapper: Obama took a shellacking but now his
poll numbers up!
Gergen: shockingly I think he should move to the center and work with Republicans and businesses
Tapper: and repeal the health care law
Obama: I love fat cats!
Cats: I can haz exportz?
Gergen: His theme should be repealing
dumb regulations
Tapper: but the debt!
Amanpour: it’s a pivotal time for Obama!
Obama: it’s always pivotal Christiane
Amanpour: I will find out what Obama has to do win reelection by talking to three people who couldn’t get reelected
Lieberman: He must take great risks to attack the biggest threat since Ramadan - the debt
Hutchinson: Obamacare caused the lost of six million jobs in 2008
Conrad: we must reduce America’s reliance on foreign energy by being more lazy
Amanpour: all three of you have great records
of working with conservatives - why are you quitting now?
Lieberman: I want to try being widely despised in whole other areas
Amanpour: Are you leaving because no one
likes you?
Lieberman: that has nothing to do with it
Amanpour: Beltway pundits love you
Lieberman: I could have won my election if wanted to
Amanpour: that’s not what I hear
Lieberman: feel the Joementum!
Amanpour: why do people in heart of America hate democrats?
Conrad: because of TARP which Bush did
Amanpour: anything else
Conrad: also people in the Midwest hate
auto companies
Amanpour: Kay you’re too liberal for the Tea Party - are they insane?
Hutchinson: not at all they’re wonderful weirdos
Amanpour: I see
Hutchinson: I would have won also
Amanpour: So you and Joe are both delusional
Hutchinson: I read Tea Party blogs and I’m amazed at how psychotic they are
Amanpour: why do they hate you so much?
Hutchinson: I don’t know - I said the stimulus was just like the Holocaust
Amanpour: the Village cried itself to sleep when
you three retired
Lieberman: the GOP reached out the President on Don’t Ask Don’t Tell
Amanpour: oh really
Lieberman: we need to raise Gross National Confidence
Amanpour: well you’re quitting so that should help
Conrad: we need to cut Social Security and Medicare
Amanpour: what about the military?
Conrad: Chris do you want us to be invaded by North Korea?
Amanpour: Kay who’s your date to the SOTU?
Conrad: I’ll go with you darling
Lieberman: it’s just like high school - no one
wants to sit with me
Amanpour: you idiots are adorable
Amanpour: the President has to work with a new Congress of dentists, pizza makers and
reality tv stars
Schilling: I was amazed to find that Nancy Pelosi isn’t Satan
Lee: I have modest goals - just amend the Constitution to balance the budget
Amanpour: did the Tuscon shooting increase civility?
Schilling: If Obama stops being so mean to Republicans
Lee: If we are nicer to each the shooter wins
Amanpour: what will you cut?
Schilling: Everything
Lee: Taxes!
Amanpour: Okay then
*****************************
Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-CT)
Sen. Kent Conrad (D-ND)
Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison (R-TX)
Sen. Mike Lee (R-UT)
Rep. Chris Gibson (R-NY)
Rep. Bobby Schilling (R-IL)
********************************
Amanpour: Obama is giving a State of the Union address - what will he say?!
Tapper: Obama took a shellacking but now his
poll numbers up!
Gergen: shockingly I think he should move to the center and work with Republicans and businesses
Tapper: and repeal the health care law
Obama: I love fat cats!
Cats: I can haz exportz?
Gergen: His theme should be repealing
dumb regulations
Tapper: but the debt!
Amanpour: it’s a pivotal time for Obama!
Obama: it’s always pivotal Christiane
Amanpour: I will find out what Obama has to do win reelection by talking to three people who couldn’t get reelected
Lieberman: He must take great risks to attack the biggest threat since Ramadan - the debt
Hutchinson: Obamacare caused the lost of six million jobs in 2008
Conrad: we must reduce America’s reliance on foreign energy by being more lazy
Amanpour: all three of you have great records
of working with conservatives - why are you quitting now?
Lieberman: I want to try being widely despised in whole other areas
Amanpour: Are you leaving because no one
likes you?
Lieberman: that has nothing to do with it
Amanpour: Beltway pundits love you
Lieberman: I could have won my election if wanted to
Amanpour: that’s not what I hear
Lieberman: feel the Joementum!
Amanpour: why do people in heart of America hate democrats?
Conrad: because of TARP which Bush did
Amanpour: anything else
Conrad: also people in the Midwest hate
auto companies
Amanpour: Kay you’re too liberal for the Tea Party - are they insane?
Hutchinson: not at all they’re wonderful weirdos
Amanpour: I see
Hutchinson: I would have won also
Amanpour: So you and Joe are both delusional
Hutchinson: I read Tea Party blogs and I’m amazed at how psychotic they are
Amanpour: why do they hate you so much?
Hutchinson: I don’t know - I said the stimulus was just like the Holocaust
Amanpour: the Village cried itself to sleep when
you three retired
Lieberman: the GOP reached out the President on Don’t Ask Don’t Tell
Amanpour: oh really
Lieberman: we need to raise Gross National Confidence
Amanpour: well you’re quitting so that should help
Conrad: we need to cut Social Security and Medicare
Amanpour: what about the military?
Conrad: Chris do you want us to be invaded by North Korea?
Amanpour: Kay who’s your date to the SOTU?
Conrad: I’ll go with you darling
Lieberman: it’s just like high school - no one
wants to sit with me
Amanpour: you idiots are adorable
Amanpour: the President has to work with a new Congress of dentists, pizza makers and
reality tv stars
Schilling: I was amazed to find that Nancy Pelosi isn’t Satan
Lee: I have modest goals - just amend the Constitution to balance the budget
Amanpour: did the Tuscon shooting increase civility?
Schilling: If Obama stops being so mean to Republicans
Lee: If we are nicer to each the shooter wins
Amanpour: what will you cut?
Schilling: Everything
Lee: Taxes!
Amanpour: Okay then
*****************************
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Meet the Press - January 16, 2011
Guests:
Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY)
Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY)
Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK)
Rev. Al Sharpton
David Brooks (NY Times)
Peggy Noonan (Wall St. Journal)
Tim Shriver (Washington Post)
**************************************
Sen. Gregory: Kirsten how is Gabby doing
Gillibrand: she’s suffered a brain injury but can
still serve in Congress effectively
Gregory: of course
Gregory: Obama says she opened her eyes
Gillibrand: it’s thrilling for her constituents
Gregory: what was it like to be there?
Gillibrand: her husband is amazing
Gregory: did you know he actually is a
rocket scientist
Gillibrand: she’s a fighter
Gregory: just like mark wahlberg
Gillibrand: she just wants to help people
and bring them together
Gregory: wow that’s very timely
Gillibrand: she always wanted a civil discourse
Gregory: everything was going fine until
she got shot
Gillibrand: small businesses are suffering!
Gregory: thanks for stopping by Kirsten
[ break ]
Gregory: and I'm back with Chuck S and
Tom GoBurn
Coburn: it’s Coburn
Gregory: whatever
Schumer: in Brooklyn we believe in civil
fucking discourse
Gregory: I see
Gregory: Arizona allows people to conceal carry
30 round clips in bars
Schumer: this drug addicted nut should never
have been allowed to buy a gun
Gregory: Tom do people really need to fire
30 bullets at one time?
Coburn: this poor individual needed help
Gregory: you sound like a bleeding-heart liberal
Coburn: he was crazy and if people had noticed he would never have been sold a gun although that was his sacred right
Gregory: well that is rather the point isn’t it
Schumer: 10 bullets is good enough for New York City so it should be enough for Arizona
Gregory: Chuck you haven’t used the word ‘motherfucker’ once and Tom Coburn is sitting
right here
Schumer: I’m trying to be fucking civil Fluffy
Gregory: Tom what about having sane guns laws?
Coburn: we shouldn’t have any laws because
people will just break them
Gregory: that makes perfect sense
Coburn: People need fire 30 bullets to
defend themselves!
Gregory: From who?
Coburn: from crazy people with guns!
Gregory: of course
Coburn: if lunatics are banned from owing guns half of members of Congress will not be allowed to carry and that’s not fair
Gregory: has political discourse gone too far?
Coburn: I’m disgusted by media that suggest that calling Obama a Marxist Nazi Kenyan witch doctor
is somehow wrong
Gregory: how fascinating
Coburn: we need to pay attention to the real risk to America - that Obama wants to prevent law-abiding people from bringing guns to a political rally
Gregory: what about violent political rhetoric?
Coburn: we should all take Glenn Beck’s pledge and set anyone who advocates violence on fire
Schumer: let Democrats sit next to Republicans so I can punch anyone who yells “you lie”
Gregory: Doctor can we repeal health care reform?
Coburn: we need market forces to bring down
health care costs
Gregory: what’s the solution
Coburn: let patients negotiate with doctors
Gregory: how so
Coburn: like offer to wash the surgeon’s Mercedes for a year in exchange for a hip replacement
Schumer: we have the best health care system in the world except the parts that suck
Gregory: Eric Cantor wants Obama to promise extend the recession exchange for raising the
debt ceiling
Schumer: fuck him
Coburn: after 30 years of GOP spending I just realized that big spending is terrible
Gregory: right
Coburn: the bond vigilantes will destroy America!
Gregory: ok ok doctor
[ break ]
Gregory: panel where do we go from here?
Brooks: the lesson from Tuscon is for Obama to bring people together by proposing Republican
tax policies
Gregory: remember how awesome it was when Reagan brought people together after the space shuttle blew up by reading someone else’s poem?
Noonan: he silenced all the damm Shuttle-haters
Gregory: what did Obama accomplish?
Noonan: he told us to avoid the blame game and reminded us that the Internet is full of crazy rhetoric that kills people
Sharpton: this lunatic in Arizona proves we need to find common ground in tax policy
Gregory: Obama told us to be great
Shriver: people are begging to be challenged and involved in their society
Gregory: McCain said Obama is a patriot who is not secretly trying to destroy America
Audience: [ puts down Obama=Hitler poster ]
Noonan: people are not worried about civil discourse they’re worried about murderous lunatics
Brooks: Reagan said you’re in charge of your own mental illness - lucky you!
Noonan: oh that was all the ivory tower liberals fault
[ pours into cocktail shaker]
Shriver: just be a buddy to a crazy person
Gregory: hey I had lunch with Michelle Bachmann
Sharpton: that is one handsome white boy
Gregory: Pawlenty is a very civil homophobe
Brooks: the root of civility is sinfulness and our culture downplays the evilness of liberals and their sinful hippie ways
Noonan: the unwashed masses lack huuumiiilllliityyyy!!!
[ drops ice cubes ]
Gregory: that is so true Peggy
Gregory: Got MLK?
Brooks: ha
Martin Luther King: it’s wrong to ignore centuries of neglect and declare equality overnight
Sharpton: we need to honor King and strengthen education and unions
Brooks: I got an e-mail about how schools are great and government sucks
Gregory: Obama is a black guy
Shapton: He’s the damm President Fluffy!
Noonan: [ open jar of olives ]
Shriver: King was an extremist for love and justice!
Gregory: wow he was like a cross between the Dalai Lama and Superman
Noonan: some documentary movies are Obama’s Nixon to China
[ twirls swizzle stick ]
Brooks: my advice is read a conservative, read a liberal, then read my column and you’ll be
ready for a stiff drink
Noonan: hear hear
[ raises glass ]
Sharpton: King changed white people’s reality -
deal with it!
Gregory: and that’s Meet the Press
**********************************
Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY)
Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY)
Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK)
Rev. Al Sharpton
David Brooks (NY Times)
Peggy Noonan (Wall St. Journal)
Tim Shriver (Washington Post)
**************************************
Sen. Gregory: Kirsten how is Gabby doing
Gillibrand: she’s suffered a brain injury but can
still serve in Congress effectively
Gregory: of course
Gregory: Obama says she opened her eyes
Gillibrand: it’s thrilling for her constituents
Gregory: what was it like to be there?
Gillibrand: her husband is amazing
Gregory: did you know he actually is a
rocket scientist
Gillibrand: she’s a fighter
Gregory: just like mark wahlberg
Gillibrand: she just wants to help people
and bring them together
Gregory: wow that’s very timely
Gillibrand: she always wanted a civil discourse
Gregory: everything was going fine until
she got shot
Gillibrand: small businesses are suffering!
Gregory: thanks for stopping by Kirsten
[ break ]
Gregory: and I'm back with Chuck S and
Tom GoBurn
Coburn: it’s Coburn
Gregory: whatever
Schumer: in Brooklyn we believe in civil
fucking discourse
Gregory: I see
Gregory: Arizona allows people to conceal carry
30 round clips in bars
Schumer: this drug addicted nut should never
have been allowed to buy a gun
Gregory: Tom do people really need to fire
30 bullets at one time?
Coburn: this poor individual needed help
Gregory: you sound like a bleeding-heart liberal
Coburn: he was crazy and if people had noticed he would never have been sold a gun although that was his sacred right
Gregory: well that is rather the point isn’t it
Schumer: 10 bullets is good enough for New York City so it should be enough for Arizona
Gregory: Chuck you haven’t used the word ‘motherfucker’ once and Tom Coburn is sitting
right here
Schumer: I’m trying to be fucking civil Fluffy
Gregory: Tom what about having sane guns laws?
Coburn: we shouldn’t have any laws because
people will just break them
Gregory: that makes perfect sense
Coburn: People need fire 30 bullets to
defend themselves!
Gregory: From who?
Coburn: from crazy people with guns!
Gregory: of course
Coburn: if lunatics are banned from owing guns half of members of Congress will not be allowed to carry and that’s not fair
Gregory: has political discourse gone too far?
Coburn: I’m disgusted by media that suggest that calling Obama a Marxist Nazi Kenyan witch doctor
is somehow wrong
Gregory: how fascinating
Coburn: we need to pay attention to the real risk to America - that Obama wants to prevent law-abiding people from bringing guns to a political rally
Gregory: what about violent political rhetoric?
Coburn: we should all take Glenn Beck’s pledge and set anyone who advocates violence on fire
Schumer: let Democrats sit next to Republicans so I can punch anyone who yells “you lie”
Gregory: Doctor can we repeal health care reform?
Coburn: we need market forces to bring down
health care costs
Gregory: what’s the solution
Coburn: let patients negotiate with doctors
Gregory: how so
Coburn: like offer to wash the surgeon’s Mercedes for a year in exchange for a hip replacement
Schumer: we have the best health care system in the world except the parts that suck
Gregory: Eric Cantor wants Obama to promise extend the recession exchange for raising the
debt ceiling
Schumer: fuck him
Coburn: after 30 years of GOP spending I just realized that big spending is terrible
Gregory: right
Coburn: the bond vigilantes will destroy America!
Gregory: ok ok doctor
[ break ]
Gregory: panel where do we go from here?
Brooks: the lesson from Tuscon is for Obama to bring people together by proposing Republican
tax policies
Gregory: remember how awesome it was when Reagan brought people together after the space shuttle blew up by reading someone else’s poem?
Noonan: he silenced all the damm Shuttle-haters
Gregory: what did Obama accomplish?
Noonan: he told us to avoid the blame game and reminded us that the Internet is full of crazy rhetoric that kills people
Sharpton: this lunatic in Arizona proves we need to find common ground in tax policy
Gregory: Obama told us to be great
Shriver: people are begging to be challenged and involved in their society
Gregory: McCain said Obama is a patriot who is not secretly trying to destroy America
Audience: [ puts down Obama=Hitler poster ]
Noonan: people are not worried about civil discourse they’re worried about murderous lunatics
Brooks: Reagan said you’re in charge of your own mental illness - lucky you!
Noonan: oh that was all the ivory tower liberals fault
[ pours into cocktail shaker]
Shriver: just be a buddy to a crazy person
Gregory: hey I had lunch with Michelle Bachmann
Sharpton: that is one handsome white boy
Gregory: Pawlenty is a very civil homophobe
Brooks: the root of civility is sinfulness and our culture downplays the evilness of liberals and their sinful hippie ways
Noonan: the unwashed masses lack huuumiiilllliityyyy!!!
[ drops ice cubes ]
Gregory: that is so true Peggy
Gregory: Got MLK?
Brooks: ha
Martin Luther King: it’s wrong to ignore centuries of neglect and declare equality overnight
Sharpton: we need to honor King and strengthen education and unions
Brooks: I got an e-mail about how schools are great and government sucks
Gregory: Obama is a black guy
Shapton: He’s the damm President Fluffy!
Noonan: [ open jar of olives ]
Shriver: King was an extremist for love and justice!
Gregory: wow he was like a cross between the Dalai Lama and Superman
Noonan: some documentary movies are Obama’s Nixon to China
[ twirls swizzle stick ]
Brooks: my advice is read a conservative, read a liberal, then read my column and you’ll be
ready for a stiff drink
Noonan: hear hear
[ raises glass ]
Sharpton: King changed white people’s reality -
deal with it!
Gregory: and that’s Meet the Press
**********************************
Sunday, January 02, 2011
Meet the Press - January 2, 2011
Guests:
Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC)
Sen. Pat Toomey (R-PA)
Prof. Stephen Carter (Yale)
E.J. Dionne (Wash. Post)
Katty Kay (BBC)
David Brooks (NYT)
*****************************
Gregory: Happy New Year Linds
Graham: you too Greggers
Gregory: will you work with the President to
grow the economy?
Graham: yes - if he does what we want
Gregory: interesting
Graham: Obama caused a recession in 2008
Gregory: fascinating
Graham: we need certainty
Gregory: what does that mean?
Graham: “certainty” means “Republican policies”
Gregory: Did Fannie Mae cause the entire recession?
Graham: yes poor black people getting mortgages brought us the worst economy in 7 decades
Gregory: truly amazing
Graham: we must make home ownership harder
Gregory: Is telling people to have health care insurance unconstitutional?
Graham: states should opt out of their citizens having health care
Gregory: Obama and Harry Reid ate your lunch in the lame duck session
Graham: it’s terrible that we weren’t allowed to amend the bill to repeal Don’t Ask Don’t Tell to
keep Don’t Ask Don’t Tell
Gregory: what will the GOP do in 2011?
Graham: cut spending which will hopefully
prevent a recovery and hurt Obama
Gregory: what will the tea party do?
Graham: if we’re lucky cut social security and misspell major legislation
Gregory: will you raise the debt ceiling?
Graham: if we don’t do it will wreck America forever
Gregory: so will you vote for it?
Graham: no
Gregory: what do you want?
Graham: privatize social security
Gregory: that’s crazy
Graham: President Rand Paul says we must cut Medicare and print more gold coins
Gregory: I see
Graham: we will be Greece if we don’t means-test entitlements
Gregory: amazingly you think Obama can’t hammer out a deal
Graham: right
Gregory: but you have to admit he got a lot done
at the end of 2010
Graham: but those were liberal policies so that doesn’t count
Gregory: will you shut down the government down?
Graham: the American people want us to do two things: cut the deficit and also cut the debt
Gregory: anything else?
Graham: also cut spending
Gregory: Biden says we’re getting out of Afghanistan come hell or high water
Graham: he’s a cool dude
Gregory: what do you want?
Graham: I want a long term enduring relationship
Gregory: Ok but what about Afghan war?
Graham: we should leave in a responsible way
Gregory: how so?
Graham: by keeping several U.S. air bases there forever
Gregory: Do you think the Afghan people want us in their country permanently?
Graham: well Fluffy they are going to have earn the right to have American soldiers occupy their nation until the end of time
Graham: who do you want to run for President?
Graham: hopefully someone who is not crazy
Gregory: so not Sarah Palin?
Graham: in a nutshell
[ break ]
Gregory: Obama had a good end to 2010 but the economy is still not strong enough
Brooks: We need to cut spending because
blah blah blah
Toomey: We should have free trade, lower
corporate taxes, and fewer environmental regulations on businesses
Dionne: If the GOP hates waste what about corporate welfare
Kay: America doesn’t want to face any real problems
Gregory: so sad
Kay: Tea Party politicians can either destroy America or disappoint their whacko supporters
Gregory: even Lindsay Graham is talking crazy on the debt ceiling - are you all fucking nuts?
Toomey: The debt is a big problem so I won’t vote for the debt ceiling until we cut corporate taxes
Dionne: the only people sacrificing are troops and poor people
Brooks: President Paul Ryan is finally willing to let poor people really suffer
Toomey: the people of Pennsylvania are willing to sacrifice their fictional earmarks
Gregory: but you guys are cutting taxes for the rich
Carter: let’s cut taxes for the rich but in exchange
tax more poor people
Kay: the America people want compromise and sacrifice - but they want other people to do all the compromising and sacrificing
Gregory: Let’s talk about what a failure Obama is
Dionne: he should propose popular things -
people seem to like that
Gregory: Who is going to be the GOP Presidential nominee?
Brooks: there are two camps - the Crazies and the Boring White Guys
Gregory: who will win?
Brooks: I still think the GOP is a Boring White Guy party
Toomey: If we don’t nominate a Crazy Person there will be a third party challenge
Gregory: could Palin carry Pennsylvania?
Toomey: well I’m an idiot and I won there
Gregory: good point
Gregory: Obama’s ambassador could win the
GOP nomination!
Brooks: Fluffy you are a moron’s moron
Kay: the next President will come from Facebook
Gregory: Haley Barbour was a racist but that was last week - now he’s a nice guy
Carter: there’s a Formless Anger out there
Gregory: a political Smoke Monster?
Carter: the winner in 2012 has to Ride the Anger
Gregory: Searing Populism!
Audience: new band names!
Brooks: people don’t Big Government or Small Government they want Effective Government
Toomey: no people want No Government
Kay: oh zip it Toomster
Gregory: What about Afghanistan?
Carter: why the hell are we even there?
Dionne: Democracies don’t like to get bogged down for ten years in a war in Afghanistan
Soviet Audience: is no picnic
Gregory: people like to have roads without mountains of snow
Kay: if you’re going to be a jerk like Chris Christie you had better be competent
Gregory: good point
Kay: Cory Booker was out there shoveling showing the old guys how it’s done
Brooks: why should New York City waste money on snow plows - just suck it up
Dionne: that’s really really stupid
Gregory: and that’s Meet The Press
**********************************
Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC)
Sen. Pat Toomey (R-PA)
Prof. Stephen Carter (Yale)
E.J. Dionne (Wash. Post)
Katty Kay (BBC)
David Brooks (NYT)
*****************************
Gregory: Happy New Year Linds
Graham: you too Greggers
Gregory: will you work with the President to
grow the economy?
Graham: yes - if he does what we want
Gregory: interesting
Graham: Obama caused a recession in 2008
Gregory: fascinating
Graham: we need certainty
Gregory: what does that mean?
Graham: “certainty” means “Republican policies”
Gregory: Did Fannie Mae cause the entire recession?
Graham: yes poor black people getting mortgages brought us the worst economy in 7 decades
Gregory: truly amazing
Graham: we must make home ownership harder
Gregory: Is telling people to have health care insurance unconstitutional?
Graham: states should opt out of their citizens having health care
Gregory: Obama and Harry Reid ate your lunch in the lame duck session
Graham: it’s terrible that we weren’t allowed to amend the bill to repeal Don’t Ask Don’t Tell to
keep Don’t Ask Don’t Tell
Gregory: what will the GOP do in 2011?
Graham: cut spending which will hopefully
prevent a recovery and hurt Obama
Gregory: what will the tea party do?
Graham: if we’re lucky cut social security and misspell major legislation
Gregory: will you raise the debt ceiling?
Graham: if we don’t do it will wreck America forever
Gregory: so will you vote for it?
Graham: no
Gregory: what do you want?
Graham: privatize social security
Gregory: that’s crazy
Graham: President Rand Paul says we must cut Medicare and print more gold coins
Gregory: I see
Graham: we will be Greece if we don’t means-test entitlements
Gregory: amazingly you think Obama can’t hammer out a deal
Graham: right
Gregory: but you have to admit he got a lot done
at the end of 2010
Graham: but those were liberal policies so that doesn’t count
Gregory: will you shut down the government down?
Graham: the American people want us to do two things: cut the deficit and also cut the debt
Gregory: anything else?
Graham: also cut spending
Gregory: Biden says we’re getting out of Afghanistan come hell or high water
Graham: he’s a cool dude
Gregory: what do you want?
Graham: I want a long term enduring relationship
Gregory: Ok but what about Afghan war?
Graham: we should leave in a responsible way
Gregory: how so?
Graham: by keeping several U.S. air bases there forever
Gregory: Do you think the Afghan people want us in their country permanently?
Graham: well Fluffy they are going to have earn the right to have American soldiers occupy their nation until the end of time
Graham: who do you want to run for President?
Graham: hopefully someone who is not crazy
Gregory: so not Sarah Palin?
Graham: in a nutshell
[ break ]
Gregory: Obama had a good end to 2010 but the economy is still not strong enough
Brooks: We need to cut spending because
blah blah blah
Toomey: We should have free trade, lower
corporate taxes, and fewer environmental regulations on businesses
Dionne: If the GOP hates waste what about corporate welfare
Kay: America doesn’t want to face any real problems
Gregory: so sad
Kay: Tea Party politicians can either destroy America or disappoint their whacko supporters
Gregory: even Lindsay Graham is talking crazy on the debt ceiling - are you all fucking nuts?
Toomey: The debt is a big problem so I won’t vote for the debt ceiling until we cut corporate taxes
Dionne: the only people sacrificing are troops and poor people
Brooks: President Paul Ryan is finally willing to let poor people really suffer
Toomey: the people of Pennsylvania are willing to sacrifice their fictional earmarks
Gregory: but you guys are cutting taxes for the rich
Carter: let’s cut taxes for the rich but in exchange
tax more poor people
Kay: the America people want compromise and sacrifice - but they want other people to do all the compromising and sacrificing
Gregory: Let’s talk about what a failure Obama is
Dionne: he should propose popular things -
people seem to like that
Gregory: Who is going to be the GOP Presidential nominee?
Brooks: there are two camps - the Crazies and the Boring White Guys
Gregory: who will win?
Brooks: I still think the GOP is a Boring White Guy party
Toomey: If we don’t nominate a Crazy Person there will be a third party challenge
Gregory: could Palin carry Pennsylvania?
Toomey: well I’m an idiot and I won there
Gregory: good point
Gregory: Obama’s ambassador could win the
GOP nomination!
Brooks: Fluffy you are a moron’s moron
Kay: the next President will come from Facebook
Gregory: Haley Barbour was a racist but that was last week - now he’s a nice guy
Carter: there’s a Formless Anger out there
Gregory: a political Smoke Monster?
Carter: the winner in 2012 has to Ride the Anger
Gregory: Searing Populism!
Audience: new band names!
Brooks: people don’t Big Government or Small Government they want Effective Government
Toomey: no people want No Government
Kay: oh zip it Toomster
Gregory: What about Afghanistan?
Carter: why the hell are we even there?
Dionne: Democracies don’t like to get bogged down for ten years in a war in Afghanistan
Soviet Audience: is no picnic
Gregory: people like to have roads without mountains of snow
Kay: if you’re going to be a jerk like Chris Christie you had better be competent
Gregory: good point
Kay: Cory Booker was out there shoveling showing the old guys how it’s done
Brooks: why should New York City waste money on snow plows - just suck it up
Dionne: that’s really really stupid
Gregory: and that’s Meet The Press
**********************************
ABC's This Week - January 2, 2011
Host: Jake Tapper
Guests:
Austan Goolsbee
George Clooney
************************
Tapper: Hey America the economy is growing
but unemployment is still high
Tapper: Gools where are the jobs?
Goolsbee: It’s a bumpy road but we’re on
the right track
Tapper: how do you juice the economy?
Goolsbee: we already cut taxes on business
17 times
Tapper: what about trade with Korea?
Goolsbee: North or South?
Tapper: whichever works slick
Goolsbee: Obama supports lowering tariffs
on kimchi
Tapper: he’s going to lose Wisconsin if he
crosses the sauerkraut lobby
Goolsbee: well forget it then
Tapper: will unemployment ever go down?
Goolsbee: maybe
Tapper: really?
Goolsbee: we’re going to cut unemployment because we have to
Tapper: will Congress lift the debt ceiling?
Goolsbee: those nutty tea partiers might
actually default
Tapper: they are so much fun
Goolsbee: it’s not a fucking game - it would
be catastrophic
Tapper: awesome
Goolsbee: it would be the first economic crisis in history caused by insane people wearing funny hats who can’t spell
Tapper: but Obama thinks we should cut spending
Goolsbee: true
Tapper: what is Obama willing cut from the budget?
Goolsbee: Jet fighters built in GOP districts
Tapper: what about building a time machine
back to 1998?
Goolsbee: we’re open to all proposals Tappy
Tapper: very good
Goolsbee: the reason the deficit is high is not spending - it’s because we’re in a recession
Tapper: It’s 2011 so give me some new ideas for the economy
Goolsbee: criminy Tappster Obama signed a massive tax cut daya ago that’s just coming into place now
Tapper: but that was last month
Goolsbee: I know!
Tapper: I’m bored so let’s go to George Clooney’s plan to start his own tv network - the
Sudan Genocide Channel
Clooney: it’s going to be the TMZ of crimes against humanity
Tapper: that’s redundant
Tapper: why not a start a history network about Nostradamus and aliens
Clooney: because the Chinese are turning a blind eye to war crimes
Tapper: unlike the U.S.?
Clooney: good point
Tapper: will this really be effective?
Clooney: we’ll be like the paparazzi - you never know where we’ll be or if we’re watching
Tapper: I like it
Tapper: will you document crimes by both sides?
Clooney: darn right
Tapper: this will cost $750,00 - isn’t this a terrible waste of money?
Clooney: no because this could help millions of people for less than it costs to fluff
David Gregory’s hair
Tapper: fair enough
Clooney: we have to do something to address this terrible problem
Tapper: but in the Ivory Coast right now there’s an unelected Presidential war criminal flouting international law and the global standards
of decent behavior
Clooney: George W. Bush is in Africa?
Tapper: LOL
Tapper: George you can’t get the world to care about atrocities in Africa or anywhere else and you’re incredibly good looking!
Clooney: we’re going to threaten to put them on tv with Chris Hansen
Tapper: Has Obama done enough or are you disappointed like everyone else?
Clooney: he hasn’t stopped the genocide but on the plus side he’s not actually bombing the country himself
Tapper: thanks for coming
****************************************
Guests:
Austan Goolsbee
George Clooney
************************
Tapper: Hey America the economy is growing
but unemployment is still high
Tapper: Gools where are the jobs?
Goolsbee: It’s a bumpy road but we’re on
the right track
Tapper: how do you juice the economy?
Goolsbee: we already cut taxes on business
17 times
Tapper: what about trade with Korea?
Goolsbee: North or South?
Tapper: whichever works slick
Goolsbee: Obama supports lowering tariffs
on kimchi
Tapper: he’s going to lose Wisconsin if he
crosses the sauerkraut lobby
Goolsbee: well forget it then
Tapper: will unemployment ever go down?
Goolsbee: maybe
Tapper: really?
Goolsbee: we’re going to cut unemployment because we have to
Tapper: will Congress lift the debt ceiling?
Goolsbee: those nutty tea partiers might
actually default
Tapper: they are so much fun
Goolsbee: it’s not a fucking game - it would
be catastrophic
Tapper: awesome
Goolsbee: it would be the first economic crisis in history caused by insane people wearing funny hats who can’t spell
Tapper: but Obama thinks we should cut spending
Goolsbee: true
Tapper: what is Obama willing cut from the budget?
Goolsbee: Jet fighters built in GOP districts
Tapper: what about building a time machine
back to 1998?
Goolsbee: we’re open to all proposals Tappy
Tapper: very good
Goolsbee: the reason the deficit is high is not spending - it’s because we’re in a recession
Tapper: It’s 2011 so give me some new ideas for the economy
Goolsbee: criminy Tappster Obama signed a massive tax cut daya ago that’s just coming into place now
Tapper: but that was last month
Goolsbee: I know!
Tapper: I’m bored so let’s go to George Clooney’s plan to start his own tv network - the
Sudan Genocide Channel
Clooney: it’s going to be the TMZ of crimes against humanity
Tapper: that’s redundant
Tapper: why not a start a history network about Nostradamus and aliens
Clooney: because the Chinese are turning a blind eye to war crimes
Tapper: unlike the U.S.?
Clooney: good point
Tapper: will this really be effective?
Clooney: we’ll be like the paparazzi - you never know where we’ll be or if we’re watching
Tapper: I like it
Tapper: will you document crimes by both sides?
Clooney: darn right
Tapper: this will cost $750,00 - isn’t this a terrible waste of money?
Clooney: no because this could help millions of people for less than it costs to fluff
David Gregory’s hair
Tapper: fair enough
Clooney: we have to do something to address this terrible problem
Tapper: but in the Ivory Coast right now there’s an unelected Presidential war criminal flouting international law and the global standards
of decent behavior
Clooney: George W. Bush is in Africa?
Tapper: LOL
Tapper: George you can’t get the world to care about atrocities in Africa or anywhere else and you’re incredibly good looking!
Clooney: we’re going to threaten to put them on tv with Chris Hansen
Tapper: Has Obama done enough or are you disappointed like everyone else?
Clooney: he hasn’t stopped the genocide but on the plus side he’s not actually bombing the country himself
Tapper: thanks for coming
****************************************
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Meet The Press with Joe Biden - December 19, 2010
Guests:
Vice President Joe Biden
Mayor Cory Booker (D-Newark)
Fmr. Rep. Joe Scarborough (R-FL)
Andrea Mitchell
Mark McKinnon
*******************************
Gregory: Busy weekend in Congress with tax cuts, gays in the military, DREAM and START
Gregory: Joe very nice job this week -
but what about jobs?
Biden: the deal to prevent the Bush Tax Hike
will mean more jobs
Gregory: Bush Tax Hike?
Biden: right - Bush signed a law to raise your taxes in 2011 and we prevented that and even added unemployment insurance
Gregory: Mitt Romney says there is still uncertainty - why did you not write the laws in stone or blood
Biden: job creators don’t care about rates for the rich - businessmen want a new backhoe
Gregory: but in 2012 people will want more tax
cuts for the rich
Biden: which people?
Gregory: me and all my rich friends
Biden: we had nail down a deal now
Gregory: Obama broke his promise to make Republicans to do the right thing!
Biden: hey Fluffy we lost the 2010 elections -
did you know that?
Gregory: really?
Biden: right - the GOP was holding unemployed people hostage
Gregory: but Obama compromised!
Biden: fuckin-a Fluffers - people were drowning!
Gregory: Obama is not serious about cutting
the deficit
Biden: bullshit
Gregory: oh?
Biden: right - all economists said to attack the debt we should cut the payroll tax and spend more
Gregory: so why not spend more money on shovel-ready projects?
Biden: great idea - we froze spending on discretionary projects
Gregory: I see
Gregory: will Obama veto any bill with earmarks?
Biden: who can say - we’d be willing to drive a
Chevy to the levee to fund troops in Afghanistan
Gregory: Veto - yes or no!
Biden: I veto you Fluffy!
Gregory: omg we’re going to have lesbians serving openly in the military
Biden: most of the Dutch military are gay men and they haven’t lost a war since Napoleon
Gregory: plus they’re all tall and good looking
Biden: especially in those speed skating outfits
Gregory: so true
Gregory: can we still build a missile shield
under START?
Biden: yes - look even John McCain likes this treaty and as you have no doubt noticed he’s insane
Gregory: Julian Assange says he will continue to release cables from Reading Goal
Biden: damm that fucker and his nice hair
Gregory: is he a crook?
Biden: he conspired with leakers unlike Bob Woodward who has a very nice townhouse in Georgetown
Gregory: is Assange a terrorist or a freedom fighter?
Biden: he’s a high tech terrorist because now I can’t bring my friends into meetings with other diplomats
Gregory: are we winning in Afghanistan?
Biden: in our effort to kill the last 90 members of al-qaeda we’re making great progress
Gregory: excellent
Biden: remaking the Central Asian region is however proving to be a little more difficult
Gregory: just be honest with me Joe
Biden: you’re a moron
Gregory: anything else
Biden: also truthfully Bush completely fucked up Afghanistan so we need to withdraw carefully
Gregory: Ok
Biden: we’re Al Pacino in Godfather III
Gregory: overacting in a regrettable sequel?
Biden: every time we think we’re out - we get pulled back in!
Gregory: should we be terrified of an al-qaeda
terror attack in America?
Biden: no
Gregory: that’s disappointing
Biden: but we should be worried about weirdo nutjobs like Underpants Boy
Gregory: How does Obama turn things around?
Biden: the American people want us to get along and get stuff done and goddammit that is
what we’re doing
Gregory: what is Obama - is he a liberal, a pragmatist, a Vulcan or an android?
Biden: he’s a progressive leader who knows politics is the art of the possible
Gregory: but Obama ran on changing Washington forever
Biden: but the Republicans decided it was in their best interest to obstruct Obama at every turn
Gregory: they were rewarded
Biden: right but they are already compromising - those weeping weenies
Gregory: can you speak reason to the GOP
Biden: Yes! I’ve been doing it all along Fluffman
Gregory: interesting
Biden: I like these Republicans and they’re
my friends
Gregory: Awwww
[ break ]
Gregory: Obama came through with big Republican votes on ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’
Scarborough: it’s a big win for Obama who was losing his base
Gregory: Cornyn and McCain said it’s disgrace to shove gays down our throats
McKinnon: that’s stupid and bigoted
Gregory: How did Obama pull it off?
Mitchell: Admiral Mullen and others persuaded others that it was immoral not to repeal the dishonorable policy
Gregory: what about the tax bill?
Booker: it’s pragmatic just like DADT
Gregory: Oh?
Booker: sure - the liberal base wants to raise taxes on the rich but I tell you this is a good deal for people in Newark
Gregory: is this the new practical Obama?
Scarborough: passing this bill was easy - Obama needs to control the deficit or America will collapse like Ireland or California
Gregory: Oh my god!
Scarborough: raising the debt is totally reckless!
Gregory: You’re a Reagan republican!
Scarborough: that’s different! He was a white cowboy with nice hair!
McKinnon: do you like my scarf?
Booker: unlike all of you I actually have a real job
McKinnon: oh snap
Booker: I don’t care about attacks on wealth - I want spending to build up my crappy city
Mitchell: the GOP were dumb to oppose the DREAM act - these are people who are trying to educate themselves and serve the nation on the front lines
Booker: it’s crazy - it’s like if Einstein were a war
hero and telling him to get his anchor-baby ass back to Germany
Gregory: so basically you’re saying it’s another Obama failure
McKinnon: we went from 44% of the Hispanic vote
to 28% in 2008 - so good job, GOP!
Gregory: people think American is on the wrong track
McKinnon: so true
Gregory: people think ‘No Labels’ is right-wing childish magical thinking
McKinnon: Rush Limbaugh and Frank Rich both attacked us so we must be right
Gregory: okey
McKinnon: America likes good things
Scarborough: Leftists are childish and they
lost in 2010
Gregory: so how does Obama punish the GOP
Booker: I heard you are a moron
Gregory: yes
Booker: Who cares?! my city is totally fucked! I have to work with evil people like Chris Christie and Mark Zuckberg!
Gregory: Andrea are we ever leaving the nightmare that is Afghanistan
Mitchell: everything is collapsing so we might as well get the hell out
Booker: why are still cutting taxes for the rich when we’re at war?
Scarborough: Obama cut taxes and doubled-down until 2015
Gregory: I’m scared of terrorists hiding in caves
Mitchell: Pakistan won’t cooperate so we should just fucking leave already
Scarborough: I guarantee we not leaving in 2014
Booker: people in Newark are scared of gunfire but it’s not coming from Afghanistan I assure you
Gregory: Mark Zuckerberg pledged $100 million for Newark schools
Booker: did I mention he’s a genius and a
wonderful person
Gregory: schools are awesome
Mitchell: those Asians are beating us our asses
Scarborough: a non-shitty American education should be our moonshot!
Gregory: Amen
**************************
Vice President Joe Biden
Mayor Cory Booker (D-Newark)
Fmr. Rep. Joe Scarborough (R-FL)
Andrea Mitchell
Mark McKinnon
*******************************
Gregory: Busy weekend in Congress with tax cuts, gays in the military, DREAM and START
Gregory: Joe very nice job this week -
but what about jobs?
Biden: the deal to prevent the Bush Tax Hike
will mean more jobs
Gregory: Bush Tax Hike?
Biden: right - Bush signed a law to raise your taxes in 2011 and we prevented that and even added unemployment insurance
Gregory: Mitt Romney says there is still uncertainty - why did you not write the laws in stone or blood
Biden: job creators don’t care about rates for the rich - businessmen want a new backhoe
Gregory: but in 2012 people will want more tax
cuts for the rich
Biden: which people?
Gregory: me and all my rich friends
Biden: we had nail down a deal now
Gregory: Obama broke his promise to make Republicans to do the right thing!
Biden: hey Fluffy we lost the 2010 elections -
did you know that?
Gregory: really?
Biden: right - the GOP was holding unemployed people hostage
Gregory: but Obama compromised!
Biden: fuckin-a Fluffers - people were drowning!
Gregory: Obama is not serious about cutting
the deficit
Biden: bullshit
Gregory: oh?
Biden: right - all economists said to attack the debt we should cut the payroll tax and spend more
Gregory: so why not spend more money on shovel-ready projects?
Biden: great idea - we froze spending on discretionary projects
Gregory: I see
Gregory: will Obama veto any bill with earmarks?
Biden: who can say - we’d be willing to drive a
Chevy to the levee to fund troops in Afghanistan
Gregory: Veto - yes or no!
Biden: I veto you Fluffy!
Gregory: omg we’re going to have lesbians serving openly in the military
Biden: most of the Dutch military are gay men and they haven’t lost a war since Napoleon
Gregory: plus they’re all tall and good looking
Biden: especially in those speed skating outfits
Gregory: so true
Gregory: can we still build a missile shield
under START?
Biden: yes - look even John McCain likes this treaty and as you have no doubt noticed he’s insane
Gregory: Julian Assange says he will continue to release cables from Reading Goal
Biden: damm that fucker and his nice hair
Gregory: is he a crook?
Biden: he conspired with leakers unlike Bob Woodward who has a very nice townhouse in Georgetown
Gregory: is Assange a terrorist or a freedom fighter?
Biden: he’s a high tech terrorist because now I can’t bring my friends into meetings with other diplomats
Gregory: are we winning in Afghanistan?
Biden: in our effort to kill the last 90 members of al-qaeda we’re making great progress
Gregory: excellent
Biden: remaking the Central Asian region is however proving to be a little more difficult
Gregory: just be honest with me Joe
Biden: you’re a moron
Gregory: anything else
Biden: also truthfully Bush completely fucked up Afghanistan so we need to withdraw carefully
Gregory: Ok
Biden: we’re Al Pacino in Godfather III
Gregory: overacting in a regrettable sequel?
Biden: every time we think we’re out - we get pulled back in!
Gregory: should we be terrified of an al-qaeda
terror attack in America?
Biden: no
Gregory: that’s disappointing
Biden: but we should be worried about weirdo nutjobs like Underpants Boy
Gregory: How does Obama turn things around?
Biden: the American people want us to get along and get stuff done and goddammit that is
what we’re doing
Gregory: what is Obama - is he a liberal, a pragmatist, a Vulcan or an android?
Biden: he’s a progressive leader who knows politics is the art of the possible
Gregory: but Obama ran on changing Washington forever
Biden: but the Republicans decided it was in their best interest to obstruct Obama at every turn
Gregory: they were rewarded
Biden: right but they are already compromising - those weeping weenies
Gregory: can you speak reason to the GOP
Biden: Yes! I’ve been doing it all along Fluffman
Gregory: interesting
Biden: I like these Republicans and they’re
my friends
Gregory: Awwww
[ break ]
Gregory: Obama came through with big Republican votes on ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’
Scarborough: it’s a big win for Obama who was losing his base
Gregory: Cornyn and McCain said it’s disgrace to shove gays down our throats
McKinnon: that’s stupid and bigoted
Gregory: How did Obama pull it off?
Mitchell: Admiral Mullen and others persuaded others that it was immoral not to repeal the dishonorable policy
Gregory: what about the tax bill?
Booker: it’s pragmatic just like DADT
Gregory: Oh?
Booker: sure - the liberal base wants to raise taxes on the rich but I tell you this is a good deal for people in Newark
Gregory: is this the new practical Obama?
Scarborough: passing this bill was easy - Obama needs to control the deficit or America will collapse like Ireland or California
Gregory: Oh my god!
Scarborough: raising the debt is totally reckless!
Gregory: You’re a Reagan republican!
Scarborough: that’s different! He was a white cowboy with nice hair!
McKinnon: do you like my scarf?
Booker: unlike all of you I actually have a real job
McKinnon: oh snap
Booker: I don’t care about attacks on wealth - I want spending to build up my crappy city
Mitchell: the GOP were dumb to oppose the DREAM act - these are people who are trying to educate themselves and serve the nation on the front lines
Booker: it’s crazy - it’s like if Einstein were a war
hero and telling him to get his anchor-baby ass back to Germany
Gregory: so basically you’re saying it’s another Obama failure
McKinnon: we went from 44% of the Hispanic vote
to 28% in 2008 - so good job, GOP!
Gregory: people think American is on the wrong track
McKinnon: so true
Gregory: people think ‘No Labels’ is right-wing childish magical thinking
McKinnon: Rush Limbaugh and Frank Rich both attacked us so we must be right
Gregory: okey
McKinnon: America likes good things
Scarborough: Leftists are childish and they
lost in 2010
Gregory: so how does Obama punish the GOP
Booker: I heard you are a moron
Gregory: yes
Booker: Who cares?! my city is totally fucked! I have to work with evil people like Chris Christie and Mark Zuckberg!
Gregory: Andrea are we ever leaving the nightmare that is Afghanistan
Mitchell: everything is collapsing so we might as well get the hell out
Booker: why are still cutting taxes for the rich when we’re at war?
Scarborough: Obama cut taxes and doubled-down until 2015
Gregory: I’m scared of terrorists hiding in caves
Mitchell: Pakistan won’t cooperate so we should just fucking leave already
Scarborough: I guarantee we not leaving in 2014
Booker: people in Newark are scared of gunfire but it’s not coming from Afghanistan I assure you
Gregory: Mark Zuckerberg pledged $100 million for Newark schools
Booker: did I mention he’s a genius and a
wonderful person
Gregory: schools are awesome
Mitchell: those Asians are beating us our asses
Scarborough: a non-shitty American education should be our moonshot!
Gregory: Amen
**************************
This Week with Christiane Amanpour - December 19, 2010
Guests:
Sen. John Kerrey
Sen. Richard Lugar
George Will
Donna Brazile
Rajiv Chandrasekan
Chrystia Freeland
************************************
Amanpour: whoa gay soldiers, tax cuts, and START - hell of lame duck Congress
Amanpour: Senator will our military be all-gay now and what does that mean
Kerrey: well George Washington, General Sherman and George Armstrong Custer were all gay so it’s not problem
Lugar: I was persuaded by the Marines that their seamen would be threatened
Kerrey: Dick has his mind on the tip of the spear
Amanpour: Will START pass?
Kerrey: why not - we’re on a roll!
Lugar: the GOP will pass it if we can amend it
Amanpour: how so?
Lugar: to only allow lesbians in the military
Kerrey: I think we can do that
Lugar: also we need a massive fantasy missile shield
Kerrey: we can still build a fake pretend shield
if we want to
Amanpour: but the Preamble!
Kerrey: Schoolhouse Rock covered all that
Lugar: look as Republicans we hate North Korea, Iran, Afghanistan Pakistan, and Iraq but that doesn’t mean we can’t hate the Russians too
Amanpour: so how is our failing war
in Afghanistan going?
Lugar: Those wily Paks won’t close the borders!
Amanpour: Okay
Lugar: of course we can’t control the Mexican border
Kerrey: Look Pakistan has a very very fragile
corrupt puppet government
Amanpour: does it
Kerrey: yes - did you know American drones
killing civilians are very unpopular there?
Amanpour: No!
Kerrey: Yes!
Amanpour: Richard Holbrooke died
Kerrey: He was amazing and focused
Lugar: Pakistanis like money but getting money there was very difficult
Amanpour: Have you tried throwing billions
in cash out of airplanes?
Lugar: that could work
[ break ]
Amanpour: Should we stick with the Afghan quagmire?
Will: we’re winning battles but not the war
Chandrasekan: of course U.S. soldiers can kill - but the Afghan government cannot control the country
Amanpour: Obama says we’re winning
Chandrasekan: but he wants to withdraw - which is probably right
Brazille: what the fuck are we doing there - we’re fighting to force the Afghan people to take over their own damm country
Freeland: we’re in a recession so the uber-hawk GOP decided we need to leave Afghanistan
Will: Harry Reid called the GOP’s bluff and they weren’t bluffing - they really are crazy
Amanpour: so really - no more earmarks?
Will: yes nutjobs in the Tea Party have everyone terrified
Brazile: that’s fine but what the hell are they
gonna cut?
Freeland: the partisanship over the next two years will make 2010 look like a damm Amish barn raising
Will: oh no there will be bipartisanship - Democrats will give Republicans what they want
Amanpour: who won with the tax deal?
Will: Obama had a terrible week because a federal judge in Virginia with a massive financial conflict
of interest said you can’t force people to buy health insurance
Brazille: fuck you George
McCain: I hate gay people!!
Chandrasekan: I’ve talked to the troops and they don’t care if you’re straight, gay, bi or Lindsey Graham
Brazille: they’re good soldiers and willing to die
for their nation
Will: and willing to kill which gives me a happy
*********************************************
Sen. John Kerrey
Sen. Richard Lugar
George Will
Donna Brazile
Rajiv Chandrasekan
Chrystia Freeland
************************************
Amanpour: whoa gay soldiers, tax cuts, and START - hell of lame duck Congress
Amanpour: Senator will our military be all-gay now and what does that mean
Kerrey: well George Washington, General Sherman and George Armstrong Custer were all gay so it’s not problem
Lugar: I was persuaded by the Marines that their seamen would be threatened
Kerrey: Dick has his mind on the tip of the spear
Amanpour: Will START pass?
Kerrey: why not - we’re on a roll!
Lugar: the GOP will pass it if we can amend it
Amanpour: how so?
Lugar: to only allow lesbians in the military
Kerrey: I think we can do that
Lugar: also we need a massive fantasy missile shield
Kerrey: we can still build a fake pretend shield
if we want to
Amanpour: but the Preamble!
Kerrey: Schoolhouse Rock covered all that
Lugar: look as Republicans we hate North Korea, Iran, Afghanistan Pakistan, and Iraq but that doesn’t mean we can’t hate the Russians too
Amanpour: so how is our failing war
in Afghanistan going?
Lugar: Those wily Paks won’t close the borders!
Amanpour: Okay
Lugar: of course we can’t control the Mexican border
Kerrey: Look Pakistan has a very very fragile
corrupt puppet government
Amanpour: does it
Kerrey: yes - did you know American drones
killing civilians are very unpopular there?
Amanpour: No!
Kerrey: Yes!
Amanpour: Richard Holbrooke died
Kerrey: He was amazing and focused
Lugar: Pakistanis like money but getting money there was very difficult
Amanpour: Have you tried throwing billions
in cash out of airplanes?
Lugar: that could work
[ break ]
Amanpour: Should we stick with the Afghan quagmire?
Will: we’re winning battles but not the war
Chandrasekan: of course U.S. soldiers can kill - but the Afghan government cannot control the country
Amanpour: Obama says we’re winning
Chandrasekan: but he wants to withdraw - which is probably right
Brazille: what the fuck are we doing there - we’re fighting to force the Afghan people to take over their own damm country
Freeland: we’re in a recession so the uber-hawk GOP decided we need to leave Afghanistan
Will: Harry Reid called the GOP’s bluff and they weren’t bluffing - they really are crazy
Amanpour: so really - no more earmarks?
Will: yes nutjobs in the Tea Party have everyone terrified
Brazile: that’s fine but what the hell are they
gonna cut?
Freeland: the partisanship over the next two years will make 2010 look like a damm Amish barn raising
Will: oh no there will be bipartisanship - Democrats will give Republicans what they want
Amanpour: who won with the tax deal?
Will: Obama had a terrible week because a federal judge in Virginia with a massive financial conflict
of interest said you can’t force people to buy health insurance
Brazille: fuck you George
McCain: I hate gay people!!
Chandrasekan: I’ve talked to the troops and they don’t care if you’re straight, gay, bi or Lindsey Graham
Brazille: they’re good soldiers and willing to die
for their nation
Will: and willing to kill which gives me a happy
*********************************************
Sunday, December 12, 2010
60 Minutes with John Boehner - Dec. 12, 2010
Stahl: He’s the new Speaker, won one of the biggest elections in decades and is third in line for the Presidency - meet John Boehner!
Stahl: what do you think of Obama?
Boehner: He’s brilliant and good looking
Stahl: he called you a hostage-taker
Boehner: that’s uncalled for and if he doesn’t stop
I will shoot this dog
Stahl: you’re so wonderful
Boehner: I know
Stahl: you disrespected Obama
Boehner: true but he said I am a color that doesn’t exist in nature
Stahl: he has a point
Boehner: [ sobs ]
Boehner [ on tape ]: Hell no we can’t!!
Stahl: you said ‘Hell yes we can cry our eyes out!’
Boehner: sniff sniff
Stahl: you mopped the vomit off the floor in a bar
at 10 years old
Boehner: I had 11 brothers and sisters and one bathroom which will help in running the House
Stahl: you were Kennedy Democrats
Boehner: then I saw the Reagan light and cried my way to the top
Stahl: why did you sob so much on election night
Boehner: I’ve been chasing the American dream all my life
Stahl: what’s that?
Boehner: providing for the safety and security
of the lobbyists who fund me
[ stops, starts sobbing ]
Stahl: have you learned lessons from
Gingrich’s mistakes?
Boehner: I’m going to try avoid being a total asshole
Stahl: you worked with Ted Kennedy
Boehner: he was awesome but in my defense
he charmed everybody
Stahl: Obama says you have to compromise
Boehner: Hell no I don’t!
Stahl: I don’t get it
Boehner: I speak for the American people
Stahl: you compromised on the tax cuts
Boehner: shhh… the tea partiers are loonies
Stahl: will you treat the tea partiers like children?
Boehner: that’s putting it charitably
Stahl: but the tax deal will add to the deficit
Boehner: only spending is bad
Stahl: that’s idiotic
Boehner: I know
Stahl: what will you cut?
Boehner: cut the budgets of committees
in Congress
Stahl: that doesn’t sound like much money
Boehner: true but it’s useless
Stahl: you’re a much better golfer than Obama
Boehner: I know - I’m so awesome
Stahl: why not play golf with Obama
Boehner: playing with little white balls reveals character
Stahl: Mrs. Boehner are you proud of your husband
Boehner: [ starts crying ]
Wife: he’s going through an emotional time
Stahl: I can see that
Boehner: [ sobbing ]
Wife: hell he was a janitor when I met him and now look at him
Stahl: indeed
Boehner: [ blows nose ]
Stahl: well good luck to you both
Wife: thanks Leslie
Boehner: [ baaaaahhhh ]
****************************
Stahl: what do you think of Obama?
Boehner: He’s brilliant and good looking
Stahl: he called you a hostage-taker
Boehner: that’s uncalled for and if he doesn’t stop
I will shoot this dog
Stahl: you’re so wonderful
Boehner: I know
Stahl: you disrespected Obama
Boehner: true but he said I am a color that doesn’t exist in nature
Stahl: he has a point
Boehner: [ sobs ]
Boehner [ on tape ]: Hell no we can’t!!
Stahl: you said ‘Hell yes we can cry our eyes out!’
Boehner: sniff sniff
Stahl: you mopped the vomit off the floor in a bar
at 10 years old
Boehner: I had 11 brothers and sisters and one bathroom which will help in running the House
Stahl: you were Kennedy Democrats
Boehner: then I saw the Reagan light and cried my way to the top
Stahl: why did you sob so much on election night
Boehner: I’ve been chasing the American dream all my life
Stahl: what’s that?
Boehner: providing for the safety and security
of the lobbyists who fund me
[ stops, starts sobbing ]
Stahl: have you learned lessons from
Gingrich’s mistakes?
Boehner: I’m going to try avoid being a total asshole
Stahl: you worked with Ted Kennedy
Boehner: he was awesome but in my defense
he charmed everybody
Stahl: Obama says you have to compromise
Boehner: Hell no I don’t!
Stahl: I don’t get it
Boehner: I speak for the American people
Stahl: you compromised on the tax cuts
Boehner: shhh… the tea partiers are loonies
Stahl: will you treat the tea partiers like children?
Boehner: that’s putting it charitably
Stahl: but the tax deal will add to the deficit
Boehner: only spending is bad
Stahl: that’s idiotic
Boehner: I know
Stahl: what will you cut?
Boehner: cut the budgets of committees
in Congress
Stahl: that doesn’t sound like much money
Boehner: true but it’s useless
Stahl: you’re a much better golfer than Obama
Boehner: I know - I’m so awesome
Stahl: why not play golf with Obama
Boehner: playing with little white balls reveals character
Stahl: Mrs. Boehner are you proud of your husband
Boehner: [ starts crying ]
Wife: he’s going through an emotional time
Stahl: I can see that
Boehner: [ sobbing ]
Wife: hell he was a janitor when I met him and now look at him
Stahl: indeed
Boehner: [ blows nose ]
Stahl: well good luck to you both
Wife: thanks Leslie
Boehner: [ baaaaahhhh ]
****************************
Meet The Press - December 12, 2010
Guests:
Austan Goolsbee - Council of Economic Advisors
Mike Bloomberg - Mayor of New York
Rep. Anthony Weiner - (D-NY)
Harold Ford
Savannah Guthrie
Paul Gigot
************************
Gregory: Is the tax deal going to pass?
Goolsbee: sure it will - we can’t allow taxes to go up
Gregory: some people hate it
Goolsbee: I know it’s a bitter pill to swallow
Gregory: Larry Summers says we’re going to have a double-dip recession - is he just trying to scare people?
Goolsbee: [ puts flashlight under chin ]
taxes will go up in 20 days!
Gregory: the tax cuts didn’t create jobs in the
first place
Goolsbee: true - but Obama scored an awesome deal for the Obama tax cuts
Gregory: do tax cuts stimulate the economy?
Goolsbee: not for the rich - but it’s a compromise
to help working families
Gregory: will you really raise taxes on the
rich in 2012?
Goolsbee: it’s possible - after all some say the world will also come to an end
Gregory: the tax cuts for the rich will add to the deficit!
Goolsbee: adding by not raising taxes?
Gregory: right
Goolsbee: look Fluffy Obama agrees with you
and Tim Geithner!
Gregory: but how can you show you’re serious like me!
Goolsbee: if you want to cut the debt we have to grow the economy
Gregory: that’s not what Tim Geithner said
Goolsbee: yes he did
Gregory: whatever
Gregory: isn’t it a fundamental flaw that this deal doesn’t solve the deficit once and for all?
Goolsbee: you mean like every Republican plan since 1980?
Gregory: don’t we have to raise taxes on the
middle class right now!!
Goolsbee: there’s a lot we can’t afford Greggers
Gregory: when will unemployment go down?
Goolsbee: soonever
Gregory: thanks for coming
[ break ]
Gregory: Mayor what do you think of the tax deal
Bloomberg: hey at least they got something done
Gregory: but it’s not a long-term permanent solution!
Bloomberg: so what?
Gregory: but the debt!! [ screeches ]
Bloomberg: well maybe you should ask your Republican friends about that Fluffers
Gregory: but it seems like we’re not serious about tackling the debt problem
Bloomberg: we’re not
Gregory: so sad
Bloomberg: Obama’s job is to persuade people
to sacrifice
Gregory: do tax cuts stimulate the economy?
Bloomberg: sure - people take the money and spend it
Gregory: but the Bush tax cuts didn’t create any jobs
Bloomberg: are you deaf Greggers - I said rich people spend and invest money
Gregory: Is Obama a fighter or weak?
Bloomberg: well now he’s leading - by making
deals and accommodations
Gregory: I see
Bloomberg: we need to support the President to help the nation succeed
Gregory: how does he deal with Angry Liberals
Bloomberg: tell them to suck it up
Gregory: don’t Americans need to suffer with austerity?
Bloomberg: we need investment!
Gregory: really?
Bloomberg: we need a new great American innovation like the Erie Canal, national railroads, WWII, the Internet or the army of robots roaming
the subways of New York City
Gregory: what was that last one?
Bloomberg: I’ve said too much
Gregory: what must we do now?
Bloomberg: we must give people false confidence in the future - then they will spend wildly
Gregory: give me a tough choice you would make
Bloomberg: let foreign geniuses move to the U.S.
Gregory: sweet
Bloomberg: It’s national suicide to force businesses to only hire Americans
Gregory: are running for President?
Bloomberg: no
Gregory: are you in favor of scrapping political parties?
Bloomberg: they are very annoying
Gregory: you’re running aren’t you?
Bloomberg: We’re creating jobs here in
New York City!
Gregory: If I came to you and got down on my hands and knees and begged you to run - would you?
Bloomberg: no I’m too modest
Gregory: what do you want to do?
Bloomberg: I’d like to be the greatest Mayor of all time
Gregory: you attacked the left and right -
that tickles me in my special place
Bloomberg: thanks Fluffy
Gregory: could you roll Congress better than Obama?
Bloomberg: NYC is rocking and rolling
Gregory: but isn’t that easier said than done?
Bloomberg: Actually Obama is doing it
Gregory: really?
Bloomberg: and he’s creating awesome trade agreements
Gregory: what else should he do?
Bloomberg: Obama needs businessmen who have swept the floor for their employees
Gregory: I can’t say I’ve ever done that
[ break ]
Gregory: Obama brought in Bill Clinton to defend
his tax deal
Guthrie: The Bid Dog was in his element
Clinton: a Mexican Stand-Off ain’t gonna work
Weiner: I'm biased because Clinton married me
Gregory: I see
Weiner: When Bill Clinton compromised it was different because the debt is a problem now
Gregory: will you vote for this?
Weiner: Congress will begin to do our job - with
19 days left in the session
Ford: we got everything we wanted!
Gregory: really!?
Ford: Anthony is so worried about the debt - most of that come from the middle class cuts
Gigot: Obama endorsed Bush’s ideas!
Weiner: I’m not running around with my tail between with my legs!
Gregory: Is Obama?
Weiner: we have the numbers - we don’t have a
weak hand!
Guthrie: Obama is staring at the barrel of a gun
Gregory: wow
Guthrie: why didn’t the Democrats run on raising taxes before November?
Ford: I would like to note that Bush was a big-spending craptacular President
Gregory: let’s raise taxes on everyone!
Gigot: Yes! except the rich!
Gregory: Obama called the left sanctimonious purists
Weiner: Obama is right - if he had fought harder for the public option we would have it -
the people love it!
Ford: excuse me Tony - the public rejected liberals in November
Guthrie: Obama is finally fighting - against the left!
Gregory: Krauthammer says Obama pulled a Kenyan-style swindle
Gigot: Republicans promised to raise the debt and by golly they did it
Weiner: Republicans got what they wanted -
it’s frustrating!
Gigot: because they get to vote too
Weiner: Obama backed away from this fight!
Ford: Anthony the Democrats lost 60 seats -
did you know that?
Gregory: Is Obama a pragmatist?
Guthrie: this is who Obama is - the progressives wanted John Edwards
Gregory: okay then
********************************
Austan Goolsbee - Council of Economic Advisors
Mike Bloomberg - Mayor of New York
Rep. Anthony Weiner - (D-NY)
Harold Ford
Savannah Guthrie
Paul Gigot
************************
Gregory: Is the tax deal going to pass?
Goolsbee: sure it will - we can’t allow taxes to go up
Gregory: some people hate it
Goolsbee: I know it’s a bitter pill to swallow
Gregory: Larry Summers says we’re going to have a double-dip recession - is he just trying to scare people?
Goolsbee: [ puts flashlight under chin ]
taxes will go up in 20 days!
Gregory: the tax cuts didn’t create jobs in the
first place
Goolsbee: true - but Obama scored an awesome deal for the Obama tax cuts
Gregory: do tax cuts stimulate the economy?
Goolsbee: not for the rich - but it’s a compromise
to help working families
Gregory: will you really raise taxes on the
rich in 2012?
Goolsbee: it’s possible - after all some say the world will also come to an end
Gregory: the tax cuts for the rich will add to the deficit!
Goolsbee: adding by not raising taxes?
Gregory: right
Goolsbee: look Fluffy Obama agrees with you
and Tim Geithner!
Gregory: but how can you show you’re serious like me!
Goolsbee: if you want to cut the debt we have to grow the economy
Gregory: that’s not what Tim Geithner said
Goolsbee: yes he did
Gregory: whatever
Gregory: isn’t it a fundamental flaw that this deal doesn’t solve the deficit once and for all?
Goolsbee: you mean like every Republican plan since 1980?
Gregory: don’t we have to raise taxes on the
middle class right now!!
Goolsbee: there’s a lot we can’t afford Greggers
Gregory: when will unemployment go down?
Goolsbee: soonever
Gregory: thanks for coming
[ break ]
Gregory: Mayor what do you think of the tax deal
Bloomberg: hey at least they got something done
Gregory: but it’s not a long-term permanent solution!
Bloomberg: so what?
Gregory: but the debt!! [ screeches ]
Bloomberg: well maybe you should ask your Republican friends about that Fluffers
Gregory: but it seems like we’re not serious about tackling the debt problem
Bloomberg: we’re not
Gregory: so sad
Bloomberg: Obama’s job is to persuade people
to sacrifice
Gregory: do tax cuts stimulate the economy?
Bloomberg: sure - people take the money and spend it
Gregory: but the Bush tax cuts didn’t create any jobs
Bloomberg: are you deaf Greggers - I said rich people spend and invest money
Gregory: Is Obama a fighter or weak?
Bloomberg: well now he’s leading - by making
deals and accommodations
Gregory: I see
Bloomberg: we need to support the President to help the nation succeed
Gregory: how does he deal with Angry Liberals
Bloomberg: tell them to suck it up
Gregory: don’t Americans need to suffer with austerity?
Bloomberg: we need investment!
Gregory: really?
Bloomberg: we need a new great American innovation like the Erie Canal, national railroads, WWII, the Internet or the army of robots roaming
the subways of New York City
Gregory: what was that last one?
Bloomberg: I’ve said too much
Gregory: what must we do now?
Bloomberg: we must give people false confidence in the future - then they will spend wildly
Gregory: give me a tough choice you would make
Bloomberg: let foreign geniuses move to the U.S.
Gregory: sweet
Bloomberg: It’s national suicide to force businesses to only hire Americans
Gregory: are running for President?
Bloomberg: no
Gregory: are you in favor of scrapping political parties?
Bloomberg: they are very annoying
Gregory: you’re running aren’t you?
Bloomberg: We’re creating jobs here in
New York City!
Gregory: If I came to you and got down on my hands and knees and begged you to run - would you?
Bloomberg: no I’m too modest
Gregory: what do you want to do?
Bloomberg: I’d like to be the greatest Mayor of all time
Gregory: you attacked the left and right -
that tickles me in my special place
Bloomberg: thanks Fluffy
Gregory: could you roll Congress better than Obama?
Bloomberg: NYC is rocking and rolling
Gregory: but isn’t that easier said than done?
Bloomberg: Actually Obama is doing it
Gregory: really?
Bloomberg: and he’s creating awesome trade agreements
Gregory: what else should he do?
Bloomberg: Obama needs businessmen who have swept the floor for their employees
Gregory: I can’t say I’ve ever done that
[ break ]
Gregory: Obama brought in Bill Clinton to defend
his tax deal
Guthrie: The Bid Dog was in his element
Clinton: a Mexican Stand-Off ain’t gonna work
Weiner: I'm biased because Clinton married me
Gregory: I see
Weiner: When Bill Clinton compromised it was different because the debt is a problem now
Gregory: will you vote for this?
Weiner: Congress will begin to do our job - with
19 days left in the session
Ford: we got everything we wanted!
Gregory: really!?
Ford: Anthony is so worried about the debt - most of that come from the middle class cuts
Gigot: Obama endorsed Bush’s ideas!
Weiner: I’m not running around with my tail between with my legs!
Gregory: Is Obama?
Weiner: we have the numbers - we don’t have a
weak hand!
Guthrie: Obama is staring at the barrel of a gun
Gregory: wow
Guthrie: why didn’t the Democrats run on raising taxes before November?
Ford: I would like to note that Bush was a big-spending craptacular President
Gregory: let’s raise taxes on everyone!
Gigot: Yes! except the rich!
Gregory: Obama called the left sanctimonious purists
Weiner: Obama is right - if he had fought harder for the public option we would have it -
the people love it!
Ford: excuse me Tony - the public rejected liberals in November
Guthrie: Obama is finally fighting - against the left!
Gregory: Krauthammer says Obama pulled a Kenyan-style swindle
Gigot: Republicans promised to raise the debt and by golly they did it
Weiner: Republicans got what they wanted -
it’s frustrating!
Gigot: because they get to vote too
Weiner: Obama backed away from this fight!
Ford: Anthony the Democrats lost 60 seats -
did you know that?
Gregory: Is Obama a pragmatist?
Guthrie: this is who Obama is - the progressives wanted John Edwards
Gregory: okay then
********************************
This Week with Christiane Amanpour - December 12, 2010
Guests:
David Axelrod - White House Advisor
Tzipi Livni - Israel Opposition Leader
Salam Fayyad - PM Palestinian Authority
*************************
Amanpour: Welcome David - Congressional Dems don’t want to cut taxes for the rich!
Axelrod: well do they want to raises taxes on the middle class and end unemployment benefits?
Amanpour: make me an offer
Axelrod: I’m not here to negotiate
Amanpour: what about the estate tax?
Axelrod: hey did you know there is a payroll tax cut?
Amanpour: Obama said he wouldn’t accept a tax
cut for the rich
Axelrod: right he never ever will - that would borrow money from China for no reason
Amanpour: but the deal extends the cuts
Axelrod: ah but not permanently
Amanpour: so will you raise taxes in 2012 which is after all an election year?
Axelrod: sure because the economy will have recovered by then
Amanpour: you negotiated with the GOP and
didn’t include any Democrats
Axelrod: It all happened so fast - Obama was at home watching the finale of ‘Dancing With the Stars’ with Mitch McConnell and suddenly we had
an agreement
Amanpour: Is Obama ditching liberal Dems?
Axelrod: not at all - he’s just ignoring them
Amanpour: Is Obama too much pulpit and not enough bully?
Axelrod: ha good one
Amanpour: Larry Summers says if we don’t make a deal we will have a double-dip recession
Axelrod: no he only said that it might happen
Amanpour: what’s so great about the deal?
Axelrod: it will get corporations off the economic sidelines and in the game!
Amanpour: this will add a trillion dollars to the debt!
Axelrod: these are existing tax cuts Christiane!
Amanpour: even so - how can we live with this debt?
Axelrod: what we can’t live with is this crappy economy
Amanpour: will any Democrats vote for the deal?
Axelrod: hey we hate this deal too - politics is the
art of compromise
Amanpour: thanks!
[ break ]
Amanpour: This just in - Israel and Palestinians
are still fighting
Audience: wow
Amanpour: Why are you humiliating the
United States?
Livni: We all want a peace treaty - I think
Fayyad: the process is broken
Amanpour: Can we make Jerusalem a place for all faiths to come together in peace - like Epcot
Livni: that’s a nice fantasyland
Amanpour: why don’t you recognize that not all refugees won’t be able to come back?
Fayyad: if only there were some sort of process to discuss all that
Livni: the answer is to create a Palestinian state to take refugees like Israel took Jewish refugees fleeing oppression in Europe
Amanpour: interesting analogy
Amanpour: Can the U.S. help at all make peace between the parties?
Livni: you can’t even do that in America!
Amanpour: good point
Fayyad: why not - they could be our broker
Amanpour: the U.S. has a bloody nose!
Livni: sorry about that
Amanpour: Fayyad has accomplished so much - why not assist him?
Livni: we are - we sent him a whole bunch of hannukah gifts!
Fayyad: thanks so much for those
Amanpour: would you like anything else?
Fayyad: um let's see - how about ending
the occupation?
Amanpour: can you do that?
Livni: Have you tried working with Bibi - he’s nuts
Amanpour: thank you both for coming
******************************
David Axelrod - White House Advisor
Tzipi Livni - Israel Opposition Leader
Salam Fayyad - PM Palestinian Authority
*************************
Amanpour: Welcome David - Congressional Dems don’t want to cut taxes for the rich!
Axelrod: well do they want to raises taxes on the middle class and end unemployment benefits?
Amanpour: make me an offer
Axelrod: I’m not here to negotiate
Amanpour: what about the estate tax?
Axelrod: hey did you know there is a payroll tax cut?
Amanpour: Obama said he wouldn’t accept a tax
cut for the rich
Axelrod: right he never ever will - that would borrow money from China for no reason
Amanpour: but the deal extends the cuts
Axelrod: ah but not permanently
Amanpour: so will you raise taxes in 2012 which is after all an election year?
Axelrod: sure because the economy will have recovered by then
Amanpour: you negotiated with the GOP and
didn’t include any Democrats
Axelrod: It all happened so fast - Obama was at home watching the finale of ‘Dancing With the Stars’ with Mitch McConnell and suddenly we had
an agreement
Amanpour: Is Obama ditching liberal Dems?
Axelrod: not at all - he’s just ignoring them
Amanpour: Is Obama too much pulpit and not enough bully?
Axelrod: ha good one
Amanpour: Larry Summers says if we don’t make a deal we will have a double-dip recession
Axelrod: no he only said that it might happen
Amanpour: what’s so great about the deal?
Axelrod: it will get corporations off the economic sidelines and in the game!
Amanpour: this will add a trillion dollars to the debt!
Axelrod: these are existing tax cuts Christiane!
Amanpour: even so - how can we live with this debt?
Axelrod: what we can’t live with is this crappy economy
Amanpour: will any Democrats vote for the deal?
Axelrod: hey we hate this deal too - politics is the
art of compromise
Amanpour: thanks!
[ break ]
Amanpour: This just in - Israel and Palestinians
are still fighting
Audience: wow
Amanpour: Why are you humiliating the
United States?
Livni: We all want a peace treaty - I think
Fayyad: the process is broken
Amanpour: Can we make Jerusalem a place for all faiths to come together in peace - like Epcot
Livni: that’s a nice fantasyland
Amanpour: why don’t you recognize that not all refugees won’t be able to come back?
Fayyad: if only there were some sort of process to discuss all that
Livni: the answer is to create a Palestinian state to take refugees like Israel took Jewish refugees fleeing oppression in Europe
Amanpour: interesting analogy
Amanpour: Can the U.S. help at all make peace between the parties?
Livni: you can’t even do that in America!
Amanpour: good point
Fayyad: why not - they could be our broker
Amanpour: the U.S. has a bloody nose!
Livni: sorry about that
Amanpour: Fayyad has accomplished so much - why not assist him?
Livni: we are - we sent him a whole bunch of hannukah gifts!
Fayyad: thanks so much for those
Amanpour: would you like anything else?
Fayyad: um let's see - how about ending
the occupation?
Amanpour: can you do that?
Livni: Have you tried working with Bibi - he’s nuts
Amanpour: thank you both for coming
******************************
Sunday, December 05, 2010
60 Minutes - Interview with Mark Zuckerberg Dec. 5, 2010
Stahl: did you plan to have 500 million people turn their lives over to you?
Zuckerberg: I never knew people would be
that crazy - heh
Stahl: what does the word “hack” mean?
Zuckerberg: it means coding like a freaking maniac
Stahl: what’s a ‘hackathon’?
Zuckerberg: it’s staying up from dusk til dawn
doing crazy things
Stahl: you’re vampires
Zuckerberg: Shhhh
Stahl: Facebook is entirely different starting tomorrow
Zuckerberg: rights it’s a ticker tape of your life
Stahl: now you can see all your friends and
your friends’ friends
Zuckerberg: right - assuming you actually have any
Stahl: what about personal privacy?
Zuckerberg: what is that?
Stahl: people think you are sneaky
Zuckerberg: we don’t sell your information
Stahl: you just compile it and let others take it
Zuckerberg: if others do we hunt them down and
have them killed
Stahl: Doesn’t Facebook have to use information?
Swisher: of course
Zuckerberg: we don’t get it right all the time
Stahl: you hired a lobbyist
Zuckerberg: we love privacy - that’s why we
want to take it
Stahl: if Facebook creating a phone?
Facebook guy: no - we just want to own it
Stahl: is e-mail dead?
Facebook guy: no we haven’t killed it - yet
Stahl: are Google and Facebook on a collision course?
Swisher: Facebook smash!
Zuckerberg: the whole world is social!
Stahl: you’re stealing talent from Google - you even took their chef!
Zuckerberg: a man’s gotta eat
Stahl: you want to conquer the entire Internet
Zuckerberg: why stop there?
Stahl: Half a billion people give you their personal information - so who the hell are you?
Zuckerberg: I’m the inventor of Facebook
Stahl: you saw the movie
Zuckerberg: yes
Stahl: it says you only created Facebook to
get girls
Zuckerberg: not true - I created Facebook
to crush people
Stahl: are you a great entrepeneur?
Zuckerberg: well I sure don’t suck at it
Winklevoss brothers: We invented social networks and Zuckerberg betrayed us!
Stahl: but you didn’t invent social networking dudes
Winklevoss: he was our teammate - that bastard!
Stahl: why are you still suing Facebook?
Winklevoss: This is all about principles - he took our shitty idea and created a 30 billion dollar company!
Stahl: what is the deal the Winklevoss brothers?
Zuckerberg: I volunteered to help those losers and then I created a real website
Stahl: do you feel bad?
Zuckerberg: um no - those spoiled brats are crazy
Zuckerberg: you coined the term toddler CEO
Swisher: well like a toddler he’s grown immensely
Stahl: what were you right about?
Zuckerberg: I turned down an offer of a measly $1 billion
Stahl: when will you go public and can I get
some stock?
Zuckerberg: I don’t know, and no
Stahl: you’re a 26 year-old self made billionaire - do you ever pinch yourself? I mean really so it hurts
Zuckerberg: It’s pretty fucking amazing Leslie
Zuckerberg: I never knew people would be
that crazy - heh
Stahl: what does the word “hack” mean?
Zuckerberg: it means coding like a freaking maniac
Stahl: what’s a ‘hackathon’?
Zuckerberg: it’s staying up from dusk til dawn
doing crazy things
Stahl: you’re vampires
Zuckerberg: Shhhh
Stahl: Facebook is entirely different starting tomorrow
Zuckerberg: rights it’s a ticker tape of your life
Stahl: now you can see all your friends and
your friends’ friends
Zuckerberg: right - assuming you actually have any
Stahl: what about personal privacy?
Zuckerberg: what is that?
Stahl: people think you are sneaky
Zuckerberg: we don’t sell your information
Stahl: you just compile it and let others take it
Zuckerberg: if others do we hunt them down and
have them killed
Stahl: Doesn’t Facebook have to use information?
Swisher: of course
Zuckerberg: we don’t get it right all the time
Stahl: you hired a lobbyist
Zuckerberg: we love privacy - that’s why we
want to take it
Stahl: if Facebook creating a phone?
Facebook guy: no - we just want to own it
Stahl: is e-mail dead?
Facebook guy: no we haven’t killed it - yet
Stahl: are Google and Facebook on a collision course?
Swisher: Facebook smash!
Zuckerberg: the whole world is social!
Stahl: you’re stealing talent from Google - you even took their chef!
Zuckerberg: a man’s gotta eat
Stahl: you want to conquer the entire Internet
Zuckerberg: why stop there?
Stahl: Half a billion people give you their personal information - so who the hell are you?
Zuckerberg: I’m the inventor of Facebook
Stahl: you saw the movie
Zuckerberg: yes
Stahl: it says you only created Facebook to
get girls
Zuckerberg: not true - I created Facebook
to crush people
Stahl: are you a great entrepeneur?
Zuckerberg: well I sure don’t suck at it
Winklevoss brothers: We invented social networks and Zuckerberg betrayed us!
Stahl: but you didn’t invent social networking dudes
Winklevoss: he was our teammate - that bastard!
Stahl: why are you still suing Facebook?
Winklevoss: This is all about principles - he took our shitty idea and created a 30 billion dollar company!
Stahl: what is the deal the Winklevoss brothers?
Zuckerberg: I volunteered to help those losers and then I created a real website
Stahl: do you feel bad?
Zuckerberg: um no - those spoiled brats are crazy
Zuckerberg: you coined the term toddler CEO
Swisher: well like a toddler he’s grown immensely
Stahl: what were you right about?
Zuckerberg: I turned down an offer of a measly $1 billion
Stahl: when will you go public and can I get
some stock?
Zuckerberg: I don’t know, and no
Stahl: you’re a 26 year-old self made billionaire - do you ever pinch yourself? I mean really so it hurts
Zuckerberg: It’s pretty fucking amazing Leslie
60 Minutes with Ben Bernanke - Dec. 5, 2010
Bernanke: Unemployment is very high
Pelley: no shit Sherlock
Pelley: we lost 8 million jobs - when will we get them all back?
Bernanke: 5 years
Pelley: awesome
Bernanke: there’s more - people have been out of work so long they don’t even know most white collar people know spent most of their time at their desks on the Internet
Pelley: wow
Pelley: Wall Street is swimming in money but they won’t lend
Bernanke: why borrow money when you can’t sell anything?
Pelley: so no more bubble?
Bernanke: right - lend, but not too much
Pelley: why did you spend $600 billion
Bernanke: inflation is a problem in that prices are falling
Pelley: so. . . deflation?
Bernanke: right
Pelley: some people think you’re crazy
Bernanke: we’re not printing money - we’re lowering interest rates
Pelley: but inflation is terrifying!
Bernanke: that’s not a problem
Pelley: I’m still scared of 1979
Bernanke: look we can crack down on a return of disco in 15 minutes if we have to
Pelley: what about ABBA?
Bernanke: them too
Pelley: do we have a self-sustaining economy?
Bernanke: no you idiot
Pelley: how about the tax cuts?
Bernanke: we should worry about that 20 years from now
Pelley: how can we grow the economy?
Bernanke: simplify the tax code
Pelley: should the GOP run the Fed like everything else?
Bernanke: I’d have to say no
Pelley: you bailed out Wall Street
Bernanke: we prevented a breakdown of the global financial system
Pelley: you were supposed to prevent that from happening in the first place
Bernanke: no one could have foreseen widespread that obvious fraud and irrational lending would be a problem
Pelley: amazing
Bernanke: we didn’t oversee AIG or Lehman
Pelley: who did?
Bernanke: no one
Pelley: okey dokey
Pelley: what about the gap between rich and poor in America?
Bernanke: it’s great for the rich and not so much for the uneducated and poor
Bernanke: interesting
Pelley: Is America doomed?
Bernanke: not at all - if we can tweet our way to riches
Pelley: Awesome
***************************
Pelley: no shit Sherlock
Pelley: we lost 8 million jobs - when will we get them all back?
Bernanke: 5 years
Pelley: awesome
Bernanke: there’s more - people have been out of work so long they don’t even know most white collar people know spent most of their time at their desks on the Internet
Pelley: wow
Pelley: Wall Street is swimming in money but they won’t lend
Bernanke: why borrow money when you can’t sell anything?
Pelley: so no more bubble?
Bernanke: right - lend, but not too much
Pelley: why did you spend $600 billion
Bernanke: inflation is a problem in that prices are falling
Pelley: so. . . deflation?
Bernanke: right
Pelley: some people think you’re crazy
Bernanke: we’re not printing money - we’re lowering interest rates
Pelley: but inflation is terrifying!
Bernanke: that’s not a problem
Pelley: I’m still scared of 1979
Bernanke: look we can crack down on a return of disco in 15 minutes if we have to
Pelley: what about ABBA?
Bernanke: them too
Pelley: do we have a self-sustaining economy?
Bernanke: no you idiot
Pelley: how about the tax cuts?
Bernanke: we should worry about that 20 years from now
Pelley: how can we grow the economy?
Bernanke: simplify the tax code
Pelley: should the GOP run the Fed like everything else?
Bernanke: I’d have to say no
Pelley: you bailed out Wall Street
Bernanke: we prevented a breakdown of the global financial system
Pelley: you were supposed to prevent that from happening in the first place
Bernanke: no one could have foreseen widespread that obvious fraud and irrational lending would be a problem
Pelley: amazing
Bernanke: we didn’t oversee AIG or Lehman
Pelley: who did?
Bernanke: no one
Pelley: okey dokey
Pelley: what about the gap between rich and poor in America?
Bernanke: it’s great for the rich and not so much for the uneducated and poor
Bernanke: interesting
Pelley: Is America doomed?
Bernanke: not at all - if we can tweet our way to riches
Pelley: Awesome
***************************
Meet The Press - December 5, 2010
December 5, 2010
Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY)
Sen. John F. Kerry (D-MA)
Tom Friedman
David Brooks
Katty Kay
****************************
Gregory: should we cut taxes for the rich?
McConnell: of course we should
Gregory: Harry Reid says if cutting on the wealthy worked they would have fucking worked
McConnell: this would hit only small businesses
Gregory: they been in place since 2001!
McConnell: yes we would have had a bad economy without those cuts!
Gregory: that’s stupid
McConnell: I don’t care - a minority of the Senate has spoken!
Gregory: what about START treaty?
McConnell: never heard of it
Gregory: do you like the debt commission’s crazy recommendations?
McConnell: I love them - the debt is like the cast of the Jersey Shore
Gregory: how so
McConnell: both became hot when Obama became President and by January no one will care again
Gregory: are you made about WikiLeaks?
McConnell: he’s a high tech terrorist!
Gregory: Isn’t Obama incompetent for letting a Private get this information?
McConnell: I’m a GOP leader and even I think that’s a stupid question
Gregory: how terrible is Obama?
McConnell: the American people want us put Obama in headlock
Gregory: will you work with him?
McConnell: sure - we can approve the Korea trade treaty
Gregory: he was roundly criticized for leaving Korea without a deal
McConnell: that’s because the media is full of right-wing whores - thank god
Gregory: is he tougher than his opponents think?
McConnell: was he mean to you Fluffy?
Gregory: what about repealing Don’t Ask Don’t Tell?
McConnell: I can’t support it because of abortion in military hospitals
Gregory: [ facepalm ]
Gregory: what’s up John?
Kerry: Republicans want to cut unemployment insurance so they can give $100,000 to very rich people
Gregory: but rich people are very uncertain about how rich they will be
Kerry: the GOP is morally bankrupt and reckless
Gregory: but they’re so handsome and responsible
Kerry: the Chinese are making solar panels and we lead the world in per capita dancing with stars
Gregory: so why is Obama going to cave to the Republicans?
Kerry: he’s not!
Gregory: that’s not what I heard!
Kerry: Mitch McConnell is a prick
Gregory: Obama does nothing to make Republicans squirm
Kerry: not true - every morning he’s black
Gregory: good point
Kerry: Fluffy Obama rescued Wall Street and got no credit
Gregory: how does that make the GOP unhappy?
Kerry: I’m trying to focus the American people - listen up - the GOP is holding unemployment hostage to give your money away to rich people!
Gregory: you make that sound bad
Kerry: the Democrats comprised over and over and over - and this is our Sputnik moment except we’re East Germany
Gregory: Bob Gates say there’s been an overreaction to WikiLeaks
Kerry: Social Security numbers were exposed!
Gregory: oh my
Kerry: the truth of our diplomatic gossip can be very embarrassing
Gregory: How do you ask a man to be the last man or woman to die in Afghanistan?
Kerry: Afghanistan is not Vietnam - for example Afghanistan has treacherous mountains and it never rains
Gregory: how else?
Kerry: no good movies have been about Afghanistan
Gregory: that’s true
Kerry: we’re going to win in 2014!
Gregory: why does America have a sad Brooksie?
Brooks: the good news is we’re not Chinese - the bad news is we’re not the Chinese
Murphy: the Republicans will give on the START treaty which they support in exchange for tax cuts which they also support
Gregory: we’re not adding jobs but we’re panicking about the debt
Kay: we’ve reached Peak America
Gregory: I see
Kay: but things are worse in Europe because they peaked years ago
Friedman: we’re in flat world which means we need more immigrants, roads, bridges, and education
Gregory: you’re crushing my world
Friedman: people want a human-animal hybrid politics
Gregory: the liberal base is very angry
Murphy: he’s got to dump progressives and stop governing as such a crazy lefty
Gregory: what else?
Murphy: cut social security and medicare
Kay: Americans have a messianic sense of entitlement
Brooks: Paul Ryan is a very serious and inspiring loon
Gregory: I see
Brooks: McConnell made news today when he said he was willing to sit down - that’s a huge giveaway!
Friedman: I like things which are Big and Hard
Kay: the American people don’t feel the deficit is a problem just because interest rates are low which is sad
Gregory: Obama’s approval is not that bad compared to Reagan or Clinton
Brooks: yes but the economy is worse and liberals are wringing their hands over Obama’s weakness
Murphy: Democrats are silly to worry about taxes on the rich
Gregory: what did we learn from the WikiLeaks?
Friedman: the U.S. is giant money-laundering operation
Gregory: fascinating
Friedman: also we are addicted to oil and credit
Brooks: American attacked us in Korea in 1952!
Kay: the leaks show America is not as powerful as it was after World War II
Murphy: Julian Assange committed an act of treason!
Gregory: how so?
Murphy: he never puts shrimp on the barbie!
Gregory: Joe Scarborough says the GOP should man up and say mean things about Sarah Palin
Murphy: She’s a total disaster - but she can win the GOP Iowa caucus
Gregory: what up about Afghanistan?
Friedman: those wily middle easterners are only in it for the money
Gregory: ooh I hate that Tom - and that’s Meet The Press
*****************************
Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY)
Sen. John F. Kerry (D-MA)
Tom Friedman
David Brooks
Katty Kay
****************************
Gregory: should we cut taxes for the rich?
McConnell: of course we should
Gregory: Harry Reid says if cutting on the wealthy worked they would have fucking worked
McConnell: this would hit only small businesses
Gregory: they been in place since 2001!
McConnell: yes we would have had a bad economy without those cuts!
Gregory: that’s stupid
McConnell: I don’t care - a minority of the Senate has spoken!
Gregory: what about START treaty?
McConnell: never heard of it
Gregory: do you like the debt commission’s crazy recommendations?
McConnell: I love them - the debt is like the cast of the Jersey Shore
Gregory: how so
McConnell: both became hot when Obama became President and by January no one will care again
Gregory: are you made about WikiLeaks?
McConnell: he’s a high tech terrorist!
Gregory: Isn’t Obama incompetent for letting a Private get this information?
McConnell: I’m a GOP leader and even I think that’s a stupid question
Gregory: how terrible is Obama?
McConnell: the American people want us put Obama in headlock
Gregory: will you work with him?
McConnell: sure - we can approve the Korea trade treaty
Gregory: he was roundly criticized for leaving Korea without a deal
McConnell: that’s because the media is full of right-wing whores - thank god
Gregory: is he tougher than his opponents think?
McConnell: was he mean to you Fluffy?
Gregory: what about repealing Don’t Ask Don’t Tell?
McConnell: I can’t support it because of abortion in military hospitals
Gregory: [ facepalm ]
Gregory: what’s up John?
Kerry: Republicans want to cut unemployment insurance so they can give $100,000 to very rich people
Gregory: but rich people are very uncertain about how rich they will be
Kerry: the GOP is morally bankrupt and reckless
Gregory: but they’re so handsome and responsible
Kerry: the Chinese are making solar panels and we lead the world in per capita dancing with stars
Gregory: so why is Obama going to cave to the Republicans?
Kerry: he’s not!
Gregory: that’s not what I heard!
Kerry: Mitch McConnell is a prick
Gregory: Obama does nothing to make Republicans squirm
Kerry: not true - every morning he’s black
Gregory: good point
Kerry: Fluffy Obama rescued Wall Street and got no credit
Gregory: how does that make the GOP unhappy?
Kerry: I’m trying to focus the American people - listen up - the GOP is holding unemployment hostage to give your money away to rich people!
Gregory: you make that sound bad
Kerry: the Democrats comprised over and over and over - and this is our Sputnik moment except we’re East Germany
Gregory: Bob Gates say there’s been an overreaction to WikiLeaks
Kerry: Social Security numbers were exposed!
Gregory: oh my
Kerry: the truth of our diplomatic gossip can be very embarrassing
Gregory: How do you ask a man to be the last man or woman to die in Afghanistan?
Kerry: Afghanistan is not Vietnam - for example Afghanistan has treacherous mountains and it never rains
Gregory: how else?
Kerry: no good movies have been about Afghanistan
Gregory: that’s true
Kerry: we’re going to win in 2014!
Gregory: why does America have a sad Brooksie?
Brooks: the good news is we’re not Chinese - the bad news is we’re not the Chinese
Murphy: the Republicans will give on the START treaty which they support in exchange for tax cuts which they also support
Gregory: we’re not adding jobs but we’re panicking about the debt
Kay: we’ve reached Peak America
Gregory: I see
Kay: but things are worse in Europe because they peaked years ago
Friedman: we’re in flat world which means we need more immigrants, roads, bridges, and education
Gregory: you’re crushing my world
Friedman: people want a human-animal hybrid politics
Gregory: the liberal base is very angry
Murphy: he’s got to dump progressives and stop governing as such a crazy lefty
Gregory: what else?
Murphy: cut social security and medicare
Kay: Americans have a messianic sense of entitlement
Brooks: Paul Ryan is a very serious and inspiring loon
Gregory: I see
Brooks: McConnell made news today when he said he was willing to sit down - that’s a huge giveaway!
Friedman: I like things which are Big and Hard
Kay: the American people don’t feel the deficit is a problem just because interest rates are low which is sad
Gregory: Obama’s approval is not that bad compared to Reagan or Clinton
Brooks: yes but the economy is worse and liberals are wringing their hands over Obama’s weakness
Murphy: Democrats are silly to worry about taxes on the rich
Gregory: what did we learn from the WikiLeaks?
Friedman: the U.S. is giant money-laundering operation
Gregory: fascinating
Friedman: also we are addicted to oil and credit
Brooks: American attacked us in Korea in 1952!
Kay: the leaks show America is not as powerful as it was after World War II
Murphy: Julian Assange committed an act of treason!
Gregory: how so?
Murphy: he never puts shrimp on the barbie!
Gregory: Joe Scarborough says the GOP should man up and say mean things about Sarah Palin
Murphy: She’s a total disaster - but she can win the GOP Iowa caucus
Gregory: what up about Afghanistan?
Friedman: those wily middle easterners are only in it for the money
Gregory: ooh I hate that Tom - and that’s Meet The Press
*****************************
This Week with Christiane Amanpour - December 5, 2010
Guests:
Gen. (Ret.) Wesley Clark
Lt. Col. (Ret.) Bob Maginnis
Tammy Schultz - Marine Corps War College
Clarke Cooper - Log Cabin Republicans
Sgt. Stacy Vasquez
Elaine Donnelly, Center for Military Readiness
************************************
Amanpour: Should gays serve in the military?
Colin Powell, 1993: hell no!
Colin Powell, 2010: why not - they’re adorable!
Marines: let’s wait til we’re down to just one and a half wars
Clark: hey if we can fight two wars we can handle a few open gays
Amanpour: heck even conservatives support repeal
Schultz: the troops don’t think it’s a problem at all
Amanpour: but our precious Marines and their seamen!
Schultz: they’re too focused on fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan to worry about a couple of lesbians
Amanpour: ok we’re surveyed everyone and we all love gay people and also Glee is America’s most popular show
Donnelly: Gays in the military are like putting stones in your sack - very gay stones
Cooper: hey lady I was in combat and I only care if people shoot straight
Amanpour: the tip of the spear has gay panic
Cooper: all we have to do is send out a memo telling Marines to stop discrimination
Maginnis: the soldiers will follow orders but we will lose recruits and most soldiers come from gay-hating areas like Alabama and Idaho
Amanpour: fascinating
Maginnis: most soldiers are conservatives
Amanpour: are you sure?
Maginnis: yes for example they hate government but have cradle to grave government-provided health care
Amanpour: that sounds right
Clark: nobody asked on D-Day if Matt Damon was gay
Amanpour: interesting
Clark: open lesbians make great soldiers - they increase morale!
Donnelley: we can’t have premature adjudication
Cooper: there have always been gays in the military
Donnelley: the policy is too lenient on those wily wicked gays
Amanpour: Stacy you were promoted 7 times and then outed
Vasquez: yes I was highly decorated and commended for my dedication and professionalism
Amanpour: well thank god the U.S. Army is safe from your lesbian ways
Lyster-Todd: the British army finally allowed openly straight men and nothing changed much
British Admiral: turns our they’re like all the other blokes and chaps and now recruit we them
Donnelly: military readiness!
Maginnis: that’s easy for Britain but Americans are bigger which is a problem in the showers
Amanpour: oooh
Schultz: these opponents just don’t like gay people
Cooper: talk about combat readiness - we are low on personnel and ammunition!
Donnelly: the Log Cabin soldiers are at war with the U.S. military
Cooper: idiot
Clark: hey if fans of the Cavaliers and the Heat and serve together anyone can
Amanpour: don’t pass don’t tell
*******************************
Gen. (Ret.) Wesley Clark
Lt. Col. (Ret.) Bob Maginnis
Tammy Schultz - Marine Corps War College
Clarke Cooper - Log Cabin Republicans
Sgt. Stacy Vasquez
Elaine Donnelly, Center for Military Readiness
************************************
Amanpour: Should gays serve in the military?
Colin Powell, 1993: hell no!
Colin Powell, 2010: why not - they’re adorable!
Marines: let’s wait til we’re down to just one and a half wars
Clark: hey if we can fight two wars we can handle a few open gays
Amanpour: heck even conservatives support repeal
Schultz: the troops don’t think it’s a problem at all
Amanpour: but our precious Marines and their seamen!
Schultz: they’re too focused on fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan to worry about a couple of lesbians
Amanpour: ok we’re surveyed everyone and we all love gay people and also Glee is America’s most popular show
Donnelly: Gays in the military are like putting stones in your sack - very gay stones
Cooper: hey lady I was in combat and I only care if people shoot straight
Amanpour: the tip of the spear has gay panic
Cooper: all we have to do is send out a memo telling Marines to stop discrimination
Maginnis: the soldiers will follow orders but we will lose recruits and most soldiers come from gay-hating areas like Alabama and Idaho
Amanpour: fascinating
Maginnis: most soldiers are conservatives
Amanpour: are you sure?
Maginnis: yes for example they hate government but have cradle to grave government-provided health care
Amanpour: that sounds right
Clark: nobody asked on D-Day if Matt Damon was gay
Amanpour: interesting
Clark: open lesbians make great soldiers - they increase morale!
Donnelley: we can’t have premature adjudication
Cooper: there have always been gays in the military
Donnelley: the policy is too lenient on those wily wicked gays
Amanpour: Stacy you were promoted 7 times and then outed
Vasquez: yes I was highly decorated and commended for my dedication and professionalism
Amanpour: well thank god the U.S. Army is safe from your lesbian ways
Lyster-Todd: the British army finally allowed openly straight men and nothing changed much
British Admiral: turns our they’re like all the other blokes and chaps and now recruit we them
Donnelly: military readiness!
Maginnis: that’s easy for Britain but Americans are bigger which is a problem in the showers
Amanpour: oooh
Schultz: these opponents just don’t like gay people
Cooper: talk about combat readiness - we are low on personnel and ammunition!
Donnelly: the Log Cabin soldiers are at war with the U.S. military
Cooper: idiot
Clark: hey if fans of the Cavaliers and the Heat and serve together anyone can
Amanpour: don’t pass don’t tell
*******************************
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Meet The Press - November 21, 2010
Guests:
Sec. of State Hillary Clinton
Gov. Bobby Jindal (R-LA)
Rep-Elect Allen West (R-FL)
Richard Wolffe
Paul Gigot (WSJ)
Robert Draper (NYT)
******************************
Gregory: OMG North Korea is building a nuclear bomb - this makes it difficult for Obama to argue
for arms control!
Gregory: Hillary is the GOP playing politics with
the START treaty?
Clinton: all the world leaders in Lisbon sure think so
Gregory: yeah but they’re all socialists
Clinton: Republicans were in favor of this until
they realized Obama supported it
Gregory: but why does an international treaty have to be with a bunch of foreigners?
Clinton: Reagan said ‘trust but verify’
Gregory: Ronald?
Clinton: Nancy
Gregory: doesn’t Republican intransigence
weaken Obama around the world?
Clinton: I would ask the GOP to please pull their heads out of their asses and pass the damm treaty
Gregory: why are we leaving so quickly in Afghanistan in another four years?
Clinton: no we’re withdrawing - just very very slowly
Gregory: can we please leave some military
bases there?
Clinton: oh of course - we’ll advise them from our massive installations
Gregory: permanent bases?
Clinton: no
Gregory: are you sure
Clinton: ok may be one or two - or five
Gregory: Hillary is it really necessary to grope
every air passenger?
Clinton: let’s not kid ourselves - the terrorists have explosive underwear so naked pictures and crotch grabs are the best ideas we’ve come up with
Gregory: we got a terror conviction this week in civilian court - this proves that civilian courts are bad
Clinton: um what
Gregory: why do foreigners want us to try these evil terrorists in these weird “civilian” courts??
Clinton: Americans want it!
Gregory: these civilian courts frighten and
confuse me
Clinton: they’re called Article III courts - you know, because they’re in the Constitution
Gregory: would we release terrorists if they
were acquitted?
Clinton: no that would be stupid
Gregory: then why bother with civilian courts?
Clinton: wow I heard you were a moron
Gregory: I don’t understand
Clinton: trials in federal court are required by law
Gregory: but those courts can’t guarantee a conviction like military courts do!
Clinton: blimey you’re an idiot
Gregory: Hillary what do you make of the 2010 election results and will you please schedule a
pillow fight with Sarah Palin
Clinton: ha ha - Fluffy I’m trying to pass a nuclear arms treaty - I don’t have to time to comment on some reality tv star and her mother
[ break ]
Gregory: Bobby are the pat-downs excessive?
Jindal: absolutely - these strong measures prove Obama is weak on terror
Gregory: oh
Jindal: look at all the successes Obama had on stopping terror attacks - it prove he’s lucky and
not competent
Gregory: could you elaborate
Jindal: they’re playing defense - not offense!
Gregory: but you just said airport security was excessive!
Jindal: they’re too worried about the rights
of terrorists!
Gregory: Did Bush just get lucky too?
Jindal: no he was brilliant - but we he was also too soft on terror
Gregory: really?
Jindal: Obama wants to offer the terrorists therapy
Gregory: truly you have a fascinating world view
Jindal: there’s more - we should only frisk brown-skinned men!
Gregory: this is great stuff
Jindal: this is a clash of civilizations - they hate our freedoms and our way of life!
Gregory: Was Obama incompetent in responding to the BP oil spill?
Jindal: yes they admitted there was oil in the water and wasted time insisting on life jackets!
Gregory: my god
Jindal: It’s just like Hurricane Katrina
Gregory: you say Obama was too concerned about his image and not fixing the oil spill
Jindal: right!
Gregory: and yet you’re written a whole book about how you were heroic during the crisis and the
White House sucked
Jindal: They relied too much British Petroleum!
Gregory: your big idea was a sand berm and experts say it’s stupid
Jindal: yes - but that’s Obama’s fault too
Gregory: I see
Jindal: Also the sand berms were a success and Obama approved it
Gregory: I see
Jindal: Red tape caused the disaster!
Gregory: Haley Barbour says Obama did a good job with oil spill
Jindal: yes but on the other hand I met with Obama and he provided the resources we asked for
Gregory: Is Obama a one-term President?
Jindal: look we’re in a recession so the American people want us to cut jobs and spending
Gregory: are you running for Vice President?
Jindal: we’ve done worse than me
Gregory: Speaking of that - can Sarah Palin unite
the GOP?
Jindal: [ spit take ]
Gregory: why did you spit?
Jindal: I’m a freaking Rhodes scholar and America loves this quitting dim wit
[ break ]
Gregory: Congressmen what do you think of the airline gropeathon?
West: As a Republican I like all security but I also must bash Obama so I will say they should have marketed the kid-fondling better
Wolffe: jeebus the hypocrisy is amazing
Gigot: with the intrusive searches we risk losing public support for the police state which
would be bad
Gregory: we have to put up with this don’t we!
Draper: George W. Bush loved this
Gregory: Allen are you a libertarian?
West: as libertarians we support war but we’re against pat-downs
Gregory: what does that mean?
West: It means we need racial profiling
Gregory: fascinating
West: we got lucky with terrorism and they will attack us again - so Obama shouldn’t have instituted new tough security procedures
Gregory: will there be any bipartisanship?
Wolffe: I can’t tell where the hell the GOP is on national security
Gregory: Obama has to extend Bush tax cuts but those dirty liberal bloggers won’t let him!
Gigot: yes Obama must move to the right!
West: my district has high unemployment and closed businesses on Man street which means we should cut taxes for the richest 2% of Americans
Gregory: can we please cut Medicaid?
West: damm right!
Wolffe: Republicans will wait until Obama endorses the unpopular positions and then oppose him
Draper: the American people love tax cuts
for the rich
Gigot: the bipartisan solution is to cut taxes for corporations on the one hand and the rich
on the other
Gregory: how is that bipartisan?
Gigot: you saw it from the reaction to the commission’s recommendations - Republicans
liked it and Democrats did not
Gregory: oh I see - you meant the Beltway version of bipartisan
Gigot: right - Democrats agree to give Republicans what they want and Republicans agree to let them
Gregory: Sarah Palin rules our world!
Draper: indeed
Gregory: she says people ignore her stellar 24-months as governor of a state with fewer people than the Bronx
Draper: She’s a policy wonk but wrestling bears doesn’t show it
Gregory: Congressman she endorsed you
West: she has devoted but frankly weird following
Gregory: I see
West: there are wolves out there!
Gregory: don’t tell me about it - I’ve seen ‘Twilight’
Gregory: She’s beer and Romney is wine
Wolffe: true but the powers that be drink Chardonnay not Pabst Blue Ribbon
Audience: If they together it would be
“XX and White Whine”
Gigot: she’s comes across as real
Audience: real stupid
Draper: the Palin circus is not ready to run a national campaign
Gregory: what are their defining characteristics?
Draper: self-pity, mistrust and paranoia
Gregory: How does Obama recover?
Wolffe: don’t underestimate Obama
Gregory: but how?
Wolffe: he could try Hope and Change
Gregory: that’s catchy
Allen West: the GOP win is Pickett’s Charge!
Gregory: Congressman what is your mandate?
West: slash spending and demand Obama’s birth certificate
Gigot: the GOP needs to cut something symbolic
Draper: I can’t wait to see them justify all the pork they’re going to grab
Gregory: and that’s Meet The Press -
happy turkey day
************************
Sec. of State Hillary Clinton
Gov. Bobby Jindal (R-LA)
Rep-Elect Allen West (R-FL)
Richard Wolffe
Paul Gigot (WSJ)
Robert Draper (NYT)
******************************
Gregory: OMG North Korea is building a nuclear bomb - this makes it difficult for Obama to argue
for arms control!
Gregory: Hillary is the GOP playing politics with
the START treaty?
Clinton: all the world leaders in Lisbon sure think so
Gregory: yeah but they’re all socialists
Clinton: Republicans were in favor of this until
they realized Obama supported it
Gregory: but why does an international treaty have to be with a bunch of foreigners?
Clinton: Reagan said ‘trust but verify’
Gregory: Ronald?
Clinton: Nancy
Gregory: doesn’t Republican intransigence
weaken Obama around the world?
Clinton: I would ask the GOP to please pull their heads out of their asses and pass the damm treaty
Gregory: why are we leaving so quickly in Afghanistan in another four years?
Clinton: no we’re withdrawing - just very very slowly
Gregory: can we please leave some military
bases there?
Clinton: oh of course - we’ll advise them from our massive installations
Gregory: permanent bases?
Clinton: no
Gregory: are you sure
Clinton: ok may be one or two - or five
Gregory: Hillary is it really necessary to grope
every air passenger?
Clinton: let’s not kid ourselves - the terrorists have explosive underwear so naked pictures and crotch grabs are the best ideas we’ve come up with
Gregory: we got a terror conviction this week in civilian court - this proves that civilian courts are bad
Clinton: um what
Gregory: why do foreigners want us to try these evil terrorists in these weird “civilian” courts??
Clinton: Americans want it!
Gregory: these civilian courts frighten and
confuse me
Clinton: they’re called Article III courts - you know, because they’re in the Constitution
Gregory: would we release terrorists if they
were acquitted?
Clinton: no that would be stupid
Gregory: then why bother with civilian courts?
Clinton: wow I heard you were a moron
Gregory: I don’t understand
Clinton: trials in federal court are required by law
Gregory: but those courts can’t guarantee a conviction like military courts do!
Clinton: blimey you’re an idiot
Gregory: Hillary what do you make of the 2010 election results and will you please schedule a
pillow fight with Sarah Palin
Clinton: ha ha - Fluffy I’m trying to pass a nuclear arms treaty - I don’t have to time to comment on some reality tv star and her mother
[ break ]
Gregory: Bobby are the pat-downs excessive?
Jindal: absolutely - these strong measures prove Obama is weak on terror
Gregory: oh
Jindal: look at all the successes Obama had on stopping terror attacks - it prove he’s lucky and
not competent
Gregory: could you elaborate
Jindal: they’re playing defense - not offense!
Gregory: but you just said airport security was excessive!
Jindal: they’re too worried about the rights
of terrorists!
Gregory: Did Bush just get lucky too?
Jindal: no he was brilliant - but we he was also too soft on terror
Gregory: really?
Jindal: Obama wants to offer the terrorists therapy
Gregory: truly you have a fascinating world view
Jindal: there’s more - we should only frisk brown-skinned men!
Gregory: this is great stuff
Jindal: this is a clash of civilizations - they hate our freedoms and our way of life!
Gregory: Was Obama incompetent in responding to the BP oil spill?
Jindal: yes they admitted there was oil in the water and wasted time insisting on life jackets!
Gregory: my god
Jindal: It’s just like Hurricane Katrina
Gregory: you say Obama was too concerned about his image and not fixing the oil spill
Jindal: right!
Gregory: and yet you’re written a whole book about how you were heroic during the crisis and the
White House sucked
Jindal: They relied too much British Petroleum!
Gregory: your big idea was a sand berm and experts say it’s stupid
Jindal: yes - but that’s Obama’s fault too
Gregory: I see
Jindal: Also the sand berms were a success and Obama approved it
Gregory: I see
Jindal: Red tape caused the disaster!
Gregory: Haley Barbour says Obama did a good job with oil spill
Jindal: yes but on the other hand I met with Obama and he provided the resources we asked for
Gregory: Is Obama a one-term President?
Jindal: look we’re in a recession so the American people want us to cut jobs and spending
Gregory: are you running for Vice President?
Jindal: we’ve done worse than me
Gregory: Speaking of that - can Sarah Palin unite
the GOP?
Jindal: [ spit take ]
Gregory: why did you spit?
Jindal: I’m a freaking Rhodes scholar and America loves this quitting dim wit
[ break ]
Gregory: Congressmen what do you think of the airline gropeathon?
West: As a Republican I like all security but I also must bash Obama so I will say they should have marketed the kid-fondling better
Wolffe: jeebus the hypocrisy is amazing
Gigot: with the intrusive searches we risk losing public support for the police state which
would be bad
Gregory: we have to put up with this don’t we!
Draper: George W. Bush loved this
Gregory: Allen are you a libertarian?
West: as libertarians we support war but we’re against pat-downs
Gregory: what does that mean?
West: It means we need racial profiling
Gregory: fascinating
West: we got lucky with terrorism and they will attack us again - so Obama shouldn’t have instituted new tough security procedures
Gregory: will there be any bipartisanship?
Wolffe: I can’t tell where the hell the GOP is on national security
Gregory: Obama has to extend Bush tax cuts but those dirty liberal bloggers won’t let him!
Gigot: yes Obama must move to the right!
West: my district has high unemployment and closed businesses on Man street which means we should cut taxes for the richest 2% of Americans
Gregory: can we please cut Medicaid?
West: damm right!
Wolffe: Republicans will wait until Obama endorses the unpopular positions and then oppose him
Draper: the American people love tax cuts
for the rich
Gigot: the bipartisan solution is to cut taxes for corporations on the one hand and the rich
on the other
Gregory: how is that bipartisan?
Gigot: you saw it from the reaction to the commission’s recommendations - Republicans
liked it and Democrats did not
Gregory: oh I see - you meant the Beltway version of bipartisan
Gigot: right - Democrats agree to give Republicans what they want and Republicans agree to let them
Gregory: Sarah Palin rules our world!
Draper: indeed
Gregory: she says people ignore her stellar 24-months as governor of a state with fewer people than the Bronx
Draper: She’s a policy wonk but wrestling bears doesn’t show it
Gregory: Congressman she endorsed you
West: she has devoted but frankly weird following
Gregory: I see
West: there are wolves out there!
Gregory: don’t tell me about it - I’ve seen ‘Twilight’
Gregory: She’s beer and Romney is wine
Wolffe: true but the powers that be drink Chardonnay not Pabst Blue Ribbon
Audience: If they together it would be
“XX and White Whine”
Gigot: she’s comes across as real
Audience: real stupid
Draper: the Palin circus is not ready to run a national campaign
Gregory: what are their defining characteristics?
Draper: self-pity, mistrust and paranoia
Gregory: How does Obama recover?
Wolffe: don’t underestimate Obama
Gregory: but how?
Wolffe: he could try Hope and Change
Gregory: that’s catchy
Allen West: the GOP win is Pickett’s Charge!
Gregory: Congressman what is your mandate?
West: slash spending and demand Obama’s birth certificate
Gigot: the GOP needs to cut something symbolic
Draper: I can’t wait to see them justify all the pork they’re going to grab
Gregory: and that’s Meet The Press -
happy turkey day
************************
This Week with Christiane Amanpour - November 21, 2010
Guest:
Admiral Michael Mullen - Chair, Joint Chiefs of Staff
*************************
Amanpour: Hey we’re finally leaving Afghanistan
- in four years
Field reporter: Afghan civilians want Americans
to stay in Afghanistan because they are saving the lives of kids wounded by suicide bombers trying to kill Americans
Audience: of course
Field reporter: but we can’t kill our way out of Afghanistan because fighters can always hide
in Pakistan
Audience: hmmm
Reporter: so we have to teach Afghans how to fight - a concept they are unfamiliar with
Amanpour: Admiral is North Korea a grave threat
to America?
Mullen: Oh yes they are led by a dictator who
is determined to destabilize Asia and fund horrible movies
Amanpour: how could we let Korea get nukes?
Mullen: we tried sanctions but they never had anything to begin with so they didn’t work
Amanpour: so what’s the answer?
Mullen: we need to work with all world’s major powers - China, Russia, Europe and Facebook
Amanpour: fascinating
Mullen: Korea is predictable in it’s unpredictability
Amanpour: that makes sense
Mullen: he blows hot and cold
Amanpour: he’s like a character in a Katy Perry song
Mullen: he kissed a girl
Amanpour: I like it
Mullen: Obama is going to ask the Chinese to rein
in that wacko
Amanpour: Should we be terrified?
Mullen: Definitely
Amanpour: the GOP stopped START
Mullen: I know Christine - it’s crazy
Amanpour: but is it really a good idea - the GOP says it’s a government takeover of nuclear weapons
Mullen: it’s very critical
Amanpour: but wouldn’t this weaken America if we only have 5,000 nuclear weapons
Mullen: true there are fewer inspections but there aren’t as many bombs now
Amanpour: Obama has promised to modernize
our nukes?
Mullen: right - they will not longer use Vista
Amanpour: well that’s sounds good - but why do
we need this agreement which involves a bunch of foreigners
Mullen: hey the Russians allowed us to get bogged down in a quagmire in Afghanistan - we owe them!!
Amanpour: how can we put pressure on Iran and Korea if we don’t ratify START?
Mullen: the Russians are starting to wonder if we’re idiots
Amanpour: We’re going to stay in Afghanistan until 2014 - why the rush?
Mullen: It will be like Iraq - we’re not actually leaving but they will be doing the fighting
Amanpour: that’s nice but Iraq is a freaking paradise compared to Afghanistan
Mullen: the Afghans are learning to fire a gun and should have mastered it by 2012
Amanpour: do really think Afghans can learn
to run Afghanistan in just 4 years?
Mullen: amazingly yes
Amanpour: are you doubling down on killing
the Taliban?
Mullen: we are starting to reverse the losses of
the Bush years
Amanpour: what’s the deal this loon Karzai
Mullen: he’s pissed about the civilians we kill -
but you know the Taliban kill a lot of innocent people too!
Amanpour: Al Qaeda is now issuing white papers, Powerpoint presentations and fourth quarter performance reviews
Mullen: I like it
Amanpour: how about gays in the military
Mullen: they should serve openly because after all lying is dishonorable
Amanpour: Israel has open gays so why not us
Mullen: true but they don’t face an existential threat to their future existence like we do
Amanpour: they are surrounded by enemies
Mullen: I was talking about “Dancing With the Stars”
Amanpour: the Marine commandant is scared of
gay cooties
Mullen: that guy DVRs “Glee” so he’s one to talk
Amanpour: Thanks for coming Admiral
****************************
Admiral Michael Mullen - Chair, Joint Chiefs of Staff
*************************
Amanpour: Hey we’re finally leaving Afghanistan
- in four years
Field reporter: Afghan civilians want Americans
to stay in Afghanistan because they are saving the lives of kids wounded by suicide bombers trying to kill Americans
Audience: of course
Field reporter: but we can’t kill our way out of Afghanistan because fighters can always hide
in Pakistan
Audience: hmmm
Reporter: so we have to teach Afghans how to fight - a concept they are unfamiliar with
Amanpour: Admiral is North Korea a grave threat
to America?
Mullen: Oh yes they are led by a dictator who
is determined to destabilize Asia and fund horrible movies
Amanpour: how could we let Korea get nukes?
Mullen: we tried sanctions but they never had anything to begin with so they didn’t work
Amanpour: so what’s the answer?
Mullen: we need to work with all world’s major powers - China, Russia, Europe and Facebook
Amanpour: fascinating
Mullen: Korea is predictable in it’s unpredictability
Amanpour: that makes sense
Mullen: he blows hot and cold
Amanpour: he’s like a character in a Katy Perry song
Mullen: he kissed a girl
Amanpour: I like it
Mullen: Obama is going to ask the Chinese to rein
in that wacko
Amanpour: Should we be terrified?
Mullen: Definitely
Amanpour: the GOP stopped START
Mullen: I know Christine - it’s crazy
Amanpour: but is it really a good idea - the GOP says it’s a government takeover of nuclear weapons
Mullen: it’s very critical
Amanpour: but wouldn’t this weaken America if we only have 5,000 nuclear weapons
Mullen: true there are fewer inspections but there aren’t as many bombs now
Amanpour: Obama has promised to modernize
our nukes?
Mullen: right - they will not longer use Vista
Amanpour: well that’s sounds good - but why do
we need this agreement which involves a bunch of foreigners
Mullen: hey the Russians allowed us to get bogged down in a quagmire in Afghanistan - we owe them!!
Amanpour: how can we put pressure on Iran and Korea if we don’t ratify START?
Mullen: the Russians are starting to wonder if we’re idiots
Amanpour: We’re going to stay in Afghanistan until 2014 - why the rush?
Mullen: It will be like Iraq - we’re not actually leaving but they will be doing the fighting
Amanpour: that’s nice but Iraq is a freaking paradise compared to Afghanistan
Mullen: the Afghans are learning to fire a gun and should have mastered it by 2012
Amanpour: do really think Afghans can learn
to run Afghanistan in just 4 years?
Mullen: amazingly yes
Amanpour: are you doubling down on killing
the Taliban?
Mullen: we are starting to reverse the losses of
the Bush years
Amanpour: what’s the deal this loon Karzai
Mullen: he’s pissed about the civilians we kill -
but you know the Taliban kill a lot of innocent people too!
Amanpour: Al Qaeda is now issuing white papers, Powerpoint presentations and fourth quarter performance reviews
Mullen: I like it
Amanpour: how about gays in the military
Mullen: they should serve openly because after all lying is dishonorable
Amanpour: Israel has open gays so why not us
Mullen: true but they don’t face an existential threat to their future existence like we do
Amanpour: they are surrounded by enemies
Mullen: I was talking about “Dancing With the Stars”
Amanpour: the Marine commandant is scared of
gay cooties
Mullen: that guy DVRs “Glee” so he’s one to talk
Amanpour: Thanks for coming Admiral
****************************
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Meet the Press - November 14, 2010
Guests:
David Axelrod - White House advisor
Sen. John McCain - (R-AZ)
Alan Greenspan
Harold Ford
Newt Gingrich
Bethany McLean
**************************
Gregory: Dave did Obama achieve anything
touring Asia?
Axelrod: Obama is out there fighting for American jobs Fluffy and he rejected a bad trade deal because it wasn't fucking good enough!
Gregory: what about those Bush tax cuts
for the rich?
Axelrod: We can afford to borrow money to keep the tax cuts for the middle class but we can’t afford to borrow to keep the cuts for the wealthy
Gregory: but the rich have suffered so much
Axelrod: John McCain opposed those cuts
and he was right
Gregory: can I get a compromise right now?
Axelrod: are you negotiating on behalf of the Republicans David?
Gregory: it saves time
Axelrod: I see
Gregory: is Obama open to compromise please??
Axelrod: dear god stop whining Fluffers
Gregory: is the President going to move to the right?
Axelrod: the message from the American people is they want us to act together and give them jobs
Gregory: I still hear you still fighting for liberals - dammit will you just stop and be conservative already!!
Axelrod: ok how about tax cuts for businesses?
Gregory: the Chairmen of the debt commission proposed a lot of pain and spending cuts which
I hope will be very popular
Axelrod: no one wants cuts or higher taxes so this should be a lot of fun
Gregory: Is Obama willing to finally stop all this free money going to the elderly and sick?
Axelrod: the right-wing demagogues this issue
Gregory: [ grinning ]
but you won’t even make any concessions on my tv show!!!
Axelrod: I heard you were a moron
Gregory: so did I
Axelrod: this is a dark cloud over us and we
must make these cuts
Gregory: excellent
Gregory: what about Rahm
Axelrod: he’s fucking crazy
Gregory: are we ever going to make progress in Afghanistan?
Axelrod: we need to train the Afghans to fight and love America which is tricky
[ break ]
Gregory: President McCain what would it take to satisfy you in Afghanistan?
McCain: it’s just a fact that we must never leave that far-away country or terrorists will come here and
cut our heads off
Gregory: but President Karzai doesn’t even
want us there
McCain: he’s paranoid
Gregory: you’re calling him paranoid?
McCain: look the entire Afghan government is corrupt and Pakistan is harboring international terrorists
Gregory: these are arguments for staying there?
McCain: exactly
Gregory: what about gays in the military
McCain: Look we need a study that says gays
are icky
Gregory: fascinating
McCain: we need a thorough and complete study to determine the if gay people cause cooties
Gregory: your wife called you a bigot - what
did you say to her?
McCain: I only communicate with my wife through Twitter
Gregory: doesn’t military honor require not lying
McCain: the head of the marines has validated
my bigotry!
Gregory: but what do you believe personally
about gays?
McCain: look I met a soldier in Kandahar who has
to sleep with all the men under him
Gregory: interesting
McCain: these are petty officers!
Gregory: Indeed they are
Gregory: we have more tape of you on Meet The Press than anyone else
McCain: oh noes
Gregory: you blatantly flip-flopped on tax cuts
on the rich
McCain: look this is a very different time - we now know what an incredible hypocrite I am
Gregory: what about the debt commission?
McCain: the American people have sent the message that they hate spending and want to send all of their money to the richest one-percent
Gregory: President Bush is peeved at you for
not campaigning with him
McCain: I had to do it - Obama was trying to
tie me to Bush
Gregory: yes he tried to link you in the public's mind
McCain: no he found us backstage and tied us up!
Gregory: my god - well that’s it until your 60th appearance
McCain: Ooh I hope I get a toaster
[ break ]
Gregory: Alan where are the jobs?
Greenspan: there are no construction jobs because we already built what we need and businesses are very uncertain about the future which we need to be certain about
Gregory: Newt you’re a failure and widely hated - tell us about world economics
Gingrich: all of this is Obama’s fault because he hate business
Ford: Newt is right that I should have been the
first black President
Gingrich: um what
Ford: we should have a moratorium on regulations and accept all the debt commission recommendations
Gregory: Beth how can American thrive until we inflict more pain on homeowners
McLean: if the government stops involvement in housing there will be another crash
Greenspan: hey old white men are doing great
Gingrich: this debt commission report debate is stupid because we won’t cut social security
Gregory: but don’t we have to have an adult conversation that we must
slash funding for the poor and give money to the rich??
Greenspan: the Congress will pass these recommendations because they must or bond traders will have a sad
McLean: we are headed to a huge crisis
Gregory: I’m just a talk show host but we must raise the retirement age!! [ sobs ]
Ford: Newt Gingrich is a close friend and handsome man - why can’t he lead the Democrats to cut social security ??
Gingrich: this stupid chairmen’s plan is a step backwards because it’s a hurtful proposal from bunch of rich people who won’t be affected by their own recommendations
Gregory: gee that’s what I liked about it
Gregory: [ shows tape of people rioting in Europe ]
look at this horrible social unrest just because poor people see all the benefits going to the rich
Ford: I love the Tea Party because they realize that we must eliminate Social Security for young and poor people
Gregory: Newt does Obama have the guts to slash Medicare?
Gingrich: I fear government workers in Albany
will riot
Gregory: over cuts in salaries?
Gingrich: Lack of parking
Gregory: should we cut the debt by extending tax cuts for the very rich?
Greenspan: yes - also the deficit is a real problem which is why we need to cut entitlements
McLean: those tax cuts sure didn’t provide jobs
Gregory: only 8 million were lost
McLean: We’re running out of time - the bond will take their balls and go home and then we will have no balls!
Gregory: what if the government gets out of the mortgage business?
Greenspan: home prices get lower and we will have to foreclose on 8 million people which will be necessary but exhausting
Gregory: Newtie will you run for President please
Gingrich: yes but first I must create a movement for insanity
Gregory: I’m torn between you and Sarah Palin
Gingrich: true - also there’s heavyweights Huckabee, Romney and Barbour
Gregory: Don’t forget my new best buddy - Bobby Jindal - squee!!!
*************************
David Axelrod - White House advisor
Sen. John McCain - (R-AZ)
Alan Greenspan
Harold Ford
Newt Gingrich
Bethany McLean
**************************
Gregory: Dave did Obama achieve anything
touring Asia?
Axelrod: Obama is out there fighting for American jobs Fluffy and he rejected a bad trade deal because it wasn't fucking good enough!
Gregory: what about those Bush tax cuts
for the rich?
Axelrod: We can afford to borrow money to keep the tax cuts for the middle class but we can’t afford to borrow to keep the cuts for the wealthy
Gregory: but the rich have suffered so much
Axelrod: John McCain opposed those cuts
and he was right
Gregory: can I get a compromise right now?
Axelrod: are you negotiating on behalf of the Republicans David?
Gregory: it saves time
Axelrod: I see
Gregory: is Obama open to compromise please??
Axelrod: dear god stop whining Fluffers
Gregory: is the President going to move to the right?
Axelrod: the message from the American people is they want us to act together and give them jobs
Gregory: I still hear you still fighting for liberals - dammit will you just stop and be conservative already!!
Axelrod: ok how about tax cuts for businesses?
Gregory: the Chairmen of the debt commission proposed a lot of pain and spending cuts which
I hope will be very popular
Axelrod: no one wants cuts or higher taxes so this should be a lot of fun
Gregory: Is Obama willing to finally stop all this free money going to the elderly and sick?
Axelrod: the right-wing demagogues this issue
Gregory: [ grinning ]
but you won’t even make any concessions on my tv show!!!
Axelrod: I heard you were a moron
Gregory: so did I
Axelrod: this is a dark cloud over us and we
must make these cuts
Gregory: excellent
Gregory: what about Rahm
Axelrod: he’s fucking crazy
Gregory: are we ever going to make progress in Afghanistan?
Axelrod: we need to train the Afghans to fight and love America which is tricky
[ break ]
Gregory: President McCain what would it take to satisfy you in Afghanistan?
McCain: it’s just a fact that we must never leave that far-away country or terrorists will come here and
cut our heads off
Gregory: but President Karzai doesn’t even
want us there
McCain: he’s paranoid
Gregory: you’re calling him paranoid?
McCain: look the entire Afghan government is corrupt and Pakistan is harboring international terrorists
Gregory: these are arguments for staying there?
McCain: exactly
Gregory: what about gays in the military
McCain: Look we need a study that says gays
are icky
Gregory: fascinating
McCain: we need a thorough and complete study to determine the if gay people cause cooties
Gregory: your wife called you a bigot - what
did you say to her?
McCain: I only communicate with my wife through Twitter
Gregory: doesn’t military honor require not lying
McCain: the head of the marines has validated
my bigotry!
Gregory: but what do you believe personally
about gays?
McCain: look I met a soldier in Kandahar who has
to sleep with all the men under him
Gregory: interesting
McCain: these are petty officers!
Gregory: Indeed they are
Gregory: we have more tape of you on Meet The Press than anyone else
McCain: oh noes
Gregory: you blatantly flip-flopped on tax cuts
on the rich
McCain: look this is a very different time - we now know what an incredible hypocrite I am
Gregory: what about the debt commission?
McCain: the American people have sent the message that they hate spending and want to send all of their money to the richest one-percent
Gregory: President Bush is peeved at you for
not campaigning with him
McCain: I had to do it - Obama was trying to
tie me to Bush
Gregory: yes he tried to link you in the public's mind
McCain: no he found us backstage and tied us up!
Gregory: my god - well that’s it until your 60th appearance
McCain: Ooh I hope I get a toaster
[ break ]
Gregory: Alan where are the jobs?
Greenspan: there are no construction jobs because we already built what we need and businesses are very uncertain about the future which we need to be certain about
Gregory: Newt you’re a failure and widely hated - tell us about world economics
Gingrich: all of this is Obama’s fault because he hate business
Ford: Newt is right that I should have been the
first black President
Gingrich: um what
Ford: we should have a moratorium on regulations and accept all the debt commission recommendations
Gregory: Beth how can American thrive until we inflict more pain on homeowners
McLean: if the government stops involvement in housing there will be another crash
Greenspan: hey old white men are doing great
Gingrich: this debt commission report debate is stupid because we won’t cut social security
Gregory: but don’t we have to have an adult conversation that we must
slash funding for the poor and give money to the rich??
Greenspan: the Congress will pass these recommendations because they must or bond traders will have a sad
McLean: we are headed to a huge crisis
Gregory: I’m just a talk show host but we must raise the retirement age!! [ sobs ]
Ford: Newt Gingrich is a close friend and handsome man - why can’t he lead the Democrats to cut social security ??
Gingrich: this stupid chairmen’s plan is a step backwards because it’s a hurtful proposal from bunch of rich people who won’t be affected by their own recommendations
Gregory: gee that’s what I liked about it
Gregory: [ shows tape of people rioting in Europe ]
look at this horrible social unrest just because poor people see all the benefits going to the rich
Ford: I love the Tea Party because they realize that we must eliminate Social Security for young and poor people
Gregory: Newt does Obama have the guts to slash Medicare?
Gingrich: I fear government workers in Albany
will riot
Gregory: over cuts in salaries?
Gingrich: Lack of parking
Gregory: should we cut the debt by extending tax cuts for the very rich?
Greenspan: yes - also the deficit is a real problem which is why we need to cut entitlements
McLean: those tax cuts sure didn’t provide jobs
Gregory: only 8 million were lost
McLean: We’re running out of time - the bond will take their balls and go home and then we will have no balls!
Gregory: what if the government gets out of the mortgage business?
Greenspan: home prices get lower and we will have to foreclose on 8 million people which will be necessary but exhausting
Gregory: Newtie will you run for President please
Gingrich: yes but first I must create a movement for insanity
Gregory: I’m torn between you and Sarah Palin
Gingrich: true - also there’s heavyweights Huckabee, Romney and Barbour
Gregory: Don’t forget my new best buddy - Bobby Jindal - squee!!!
*************************
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