Sunday, March 22, 2015

Meet The Press – March 22, 2015

Andrea Mitchell
Ron Dermer – Israeli Amb. to the U.S.
Dr. Riyad Mansour – Palestinian 
Observer at the U.N.
Governor Jerry Brown (D-CA)
Jane Harman
Rich Lowry
Helene Cooper
John Stanton

Todd: holy shit Yemen is falling apart

Mitchell: it's a battleground in a proxy
war between Iran and Saudi Arabia

Todd: are they competing to see
who can violate more human rights?

Mitchell: that's right Chuck

Todd: this is the failed state where
the underwear bomber came from

Mitchell: and the pajama hatchet killer

Todd: with no American troops in
Yemen al-qaeda will take over!

Mitchell: that's right

Todd: has the Arab Spring failed everywhere

Mitchell: yes it has

Todd: Libya and Syria and
Yemen are all in chaos

Mitchell: you can throw Kansas in there too

Todd: also Bibi won re-election but
he had to promise there would never
be a Palestinian state and say people
of Arab descent are lesser citizens

Netanyahu: I take that back!

Obama: oh fuck this guy

Reporter: do you believe Bibi?

Obama: we take him at his word
that he's full of shit

Todd: Bibi also warned that
Israel Arabs might actually vote

[ break ]

Todd: welcome Ron

Dermer: what's up Chuck

Todd: what is the position of the Israel
government with regard to Palestine?

Dermer: you mean today?

Todd: yes

Dermer: what time is it?

Todd: just answer the question Ron

Dermer: we still support a two-state solution

Todd: okay

Dermer: but Palestine is allied
with Hamas which is unacceptable

Todd: are willing to deal 
with President Abbas?

Dermer: not if he's joined with Hamas

Todd: okay

Dermer: Netanyahu still supports
a Palestinian state

Todd: so Bibi flip-flopped

Dermer: Israel is surrounded by terrorists!

Todd: what if the U.S. stops vetoing
a two-state solution at the U.N.

Dermer: we need a negotiated
solution with all the parties

Todd: I see

Dermer: the Palestinian want
a state but they don't want peace

Todd: Netanyahu said settlements
are to prevent a Palestinian state

Dermer: no!

Todd: so you deny that's why
you're building settlements

Dermer: Palestians don't support
Israel as a Jewish state!

Todd: what is a bad deal with Iran?

Dermer: a deal that removes restrictions
on Iran after a decade – we might
as well hand them a nuclear bomb!

Todd: how do you improve 
trust with the U.S.?

Dermer: I'm not just a Republican activist
I'm a friend to America

Todd: can Obama trust you?

Dermer: um... yes

[ break ]

Todd: welcome Riyad

Mansour: nice to see you Ted

Todd: do you recognize Israel
as a Jewish state?

Mansour: we recognize Israel

Todd: but as a Jewish state?

Mansour: they can call
themselves that if they want

Todd: I assure they do

Mansour: they are holding
up the peace process

Todd: so you say

Mansour: they are going to end
up having an apartheid system someday

Todd: strong words

Mansour: the Security Council
should mandate a two-state solution

Todd: would you back off your
actions in the International Criminal Court?

Mansour: why should we?

Todd: don't you trust Israel  
to investigate their own bombings?

Mansour:of course not

Todd: how odd

Mansour: the Israel settlements 
are all war crimes!

Todd: okay but-

Mansour: the settlements are illegal!

Todd: I get it

Mansour: we can't have a two-state
solution with 600,000 settlers

Todd: Israel is already  
withholding tax revenue from you

Mansour: that's illegal too!

Todd: if you go ahead with the
criminal court the US will withhold
money and you know the ICC
is totally useless anyway

Mansour: at least the criminal court
is peaceful and legal way to seek justice

Todd: but it doesn't do anything

Mansour: well it beats seeking
justice by bombings and terror

Todd: I suppose

Mansour: we seek peace!

Todd: well then will you renounce
your partnership with Hamas?

Mansour: Israel negotiates with
Hamas so why not us!

Todd: I'll take that as a no

[ break ]

Todd: what is the current U.S.
relationship with Israel?

Cooper: Israel is an important ally
for the U.S. - who else would take our money?

Todd: so it's all good

Cooper: but let me tell you –
people at the White House
are soooo pissed!

Todd: is this UN resolution done deal?

Harman: I'm from California 
– this is an earthquake!

Todd: Bibi really fucked this up

Lowry: lefties were hoping Bibi
would lose but he won and liberals
are the real losers and now
Obama is having a temper tantrum

Todd: calm down Richie

Lowry: Obama hates Bibi's guts

Todd: to be fair it's mutual

Lowry: Obama loves Iran and
hates Israel – it's so terrible

Todd: Hillary hates this fighting

Stanton: but she can use this to
separate herself from Obama

[ break ]

Todd: if you're still watching the
Sunday Talk Shows what the hell
is wrong with you

[ break ]

Todd: OMG sea ice is falling
and Obama is cutting carbon
emissions like a dictator

Todd: meanwhile it hasn't rained
in California for four years

Todd: welcome Governor Brown

Brown: hiya Todd

Todd: is permanent drought the new normal?

Brown: yes it's totally crazy

Todd: that's bad news

Brown: we're running out of
time and it's won't fucking rain

Todd: what are you doing about it?

Brown: we're finally regulating
water on private lands

Todd: like a boss

Brown: we're desperate Chuck

Todd: will you start rationing?

Brown: we might have to do that

Todd: what else are you doing?

Brown: we're watching
the skies on a daily basis

Todd: how's that going?

Brown: [ looks out window ] 
 still not raining! Shit!

Todd: what more needs to be done?

Brown: these fucking golfers
need to get another hobby like
dowsing or rainmaking

Todd: sounds right

Brown: the rainy season 
is over in three weeks

Todd: wait – this is your 'rainy season'?

Brown: right – we got a tenth
of an inch three weeks ago

Todd: whoa watch out for flash flooding

Brown: I was communing with
mother nature and she says were fucked

Todd: I'm sorry to hear that

Brown: it's like the fucking Kalahari out here

Todd: is the drought 
caused by climate change?

Brown: climate change causes
drought so make of that what you will

Todd: is that a yes or no?

Brown: it's not that simple –
it might rain on any give day
but climate changes occur over many years

Todd: I see

Brown: it's fucking irreversible!

Todd: you're passionate
on this subject

Brown: we need a new crusade!

Todd: Ted Cruz says there's no climate
change because he saw some snow in
New Hampshire in the winter

Brown: over 90% of scientists says
greenhouses gases are building
up and change the earth's climate

Todd: Ted Cruz says the science
says climate change is a hoax

Brown: he's ignorant and a liar

Todd: don't mince words

Brown: he's unfit to be a Senator

Todd: go on

Brown: I wouldn't trust him
to drive a damn clown car

Todd: you permit fracking
which uses a lot of water

Brown: actually California fracking
is vertical and uses very little water

Todd: well it's still bad for the environment

Brown: we've done fracking for 50 years

Todd: what the frack

Brown: we need electric cars!

Todd: what are the three big issues of 2016?

Brown: we need to build roads and bridges
and address climate change and fund science

Todd: if you were ten years younger
would be running for President?

Brown: yes I would!

Todd: thanks for coming dude

Brown: live long and prosper!

[ break ]

Todd: panel should he run for President?

Harman: why not – 70 is the new 50

Todd: the Boston Globe wants
Elizabeth Warren to run for President

Stanton: well she's not running

Todd: maybe not but Ted Cruz
really is running

Lowry: he's smart to get in early
because we'll be sick of these jerks soon

Todd: he's announcing at
Jerry Falwell's Liberty University 
where everything is banned but Reaganing

Lowry: he's trying to unite
the populist right behind him

Todd: in other words crazy people

Lowry: [ laughs ] exactly Todd

Cooper: this is like 'Game of Thrones'

Todd: less vicious but with
more family dynasties

Cooper: Rich Lowry is right
Cruz is being shrewd here

Todd: Jerry Brown called him ignorant
which will be great for his fundraising

[ break ]

Todd: Republican primary voters are
old and men and 95% white

Audience: shocking

Todd: Democratic primary
voters are gay black women

Audience: woot

Todd: the Democrats are more
like the rest of America

Audience: we're here were female/black/
get used to it

Todd: old white people are 
dying out – literally

[ break ]

Todd: on the 70th anniversary
Iwo Jima survivors are getting
back together

Veteran: at first it wasn't too bad –
then we lost 2,000 men in one day

Smith: 20,000 marines were
either killed or wounded

Veteran: it was emotional

Smith: there were eleven miles
of tunnels and the Japanese 
were dug in deep

Veteran: individual marines won the battle

Smith: what's the message from the battle

Veteran: somebody has to pay for freedom

[ break ]

Todd: Loretta Lynch has been
waiting forever to be confirmed as AG

Obama: if the GOP wants to get
rid of Eric Holder the best way 
is to confirm her

Todd: Rich Lowry you say she
must be rejected because Obama is a dictator

Lowry: right – Eric Holder must stay
because Lynch thinks Obama is a King

Todd: would you compromise?

Lowry: no – we can't comprise
with the Kenyan Caesar!

Harman: I was in Congress when
George H.W. Bush did much worse
than that and the GOP didn't utter a peep

Lowry: Obama is giving amnesty
to five million people – it's outrageous

Todd: well the courts will decide this

Lowry: courts?! – you can 
use courts to prove anything!

Todd: Rudy Giuliani says she
is amazing and extraordinary

Cooper: Obama and the 
GOP loathe each other

Todd: young Aaron Schock had
to resign but if he avoids prison
he won't even be in the top ten
of corrupt Illinois politicians

Lowry: it's a tough bracket

Harman: it's funny but not that funny

Todd: true

Harman: there's corruption
everywhere in American life!

Todd: and that's another
episode of Meet The Press

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