*****************************************
CNN/YouTube Republican Debate
November 28, 2007
Host: Anderson Cooper
*****************************************
Romney: Rudy ran a big evil sanctuary city
Giuliani: dude you hate a sanctuary mansion
Mitt: do you hate people with funny accents because you have one
Rudy: you employed illegal immigrants to trim your nose hair that's bad
Mitt: are you saying employers responsible are cause that's crazy
Rudy: no of course not
Mitt: you are a racist
Rudy: we all know that
Question: will you pledge to hate mexicans pleeze
Thompson: yes i will this is an invasion!
[woo hoo!]
Fred McGruff: some of our better citizens used to be illegal immigrants like the Pilgrims for example
[yay]
Fred: but now that it's our home we should shut out people aren't waiting in line at an embassy
[right on!]
Fred: who among us hasn't employed an illegal immigrant or a cocaine dealer or a mobbed-up police chief
Rudy: that is so true
Fred: mitt romney likes Bush i mean how crazy is that???
McCain: i am here to do the hard things like be popular and get votes and get elected as a Republican
Cooper: why do people hate the GOP
McCain: Katrina, iraq, corruption and mexicans
Cooper: that's quite a list
McCain: you're all partisan poopyhaids
Cooper: Waylon Jennings are you happy with your answer??
Waylon: rock on
Question: will i have a job next year?
Tancredo: massive legal immigration is evil it takes jobs away from americans
Cooper: are there jobs americans won't take under any circumstances??
Tancredo: no!!!!
Cooper: what about War Czar?
Tancredo: get a mexican to do it dood!
Hunter: we had the Smuggler's Blues in my state until we built a fence with a double wide
Cooper: i love Glen Frey
Hunter: when all you use is cash it's hard to build an 800 mile fence
Question: should illegal mexicans get low state tuition when soldiers don't???
Huckabee: these were academic scholarships for the smart mexicans not the dumb ones
Audience: but still that's pretty mexicany of you
Huckabee: should we punish illegal kiddies?
Question: damm right they have leprosy and are using drugs
Huckabee: no they were tested for drugs and all your major skin disorders
Questioner: still that's bad
Huckabee: i love veterans!
Audience: yay!
Romney: illegal 18 year olds who have lived here their whole lives should go the fuck home
Huckabee: i wasn't born rich like you were - you smarmy bastard
Mitt: but-
Huckabee: shut the fuck up you slick shithead
Mitt Romney: that's all well and good but do you want to look a millionaire in the eyes and tell him he can't get a yacht this year because some greedy mexican wants to go to college because i sure don't
[ starts weeping ]
Question: Ron Paul are out of your fucking mind??? - just wondering!
Paul: damm right the Trilateral Commission is trying to get rid of the dollar and replace it with Canadian currency!!!
Audience: awesome!
Paul: the UN is building a highway across america and is trying to control our drug problem!!
[yay!]
Question: Republicans spend like crazy why???
McCain: the Democrats want kids to smoke well i say no to that!
[huh]
McCain: i want big spenders to be famous and not just in prison
Romney: oh yeah all that spending is like totally bad
Cooper: that's all you have?
Mitt: freeze all non-military spending
Rudy: we should fire half of all federal employees and replace them with robots
Cooper: is that realistic?
Rudy: sure all businesses have done it
Question: what part of America do you hate the most
Fred: heh heh that's a Target Rich Environment
Cooper: which agencies
Fred: Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid
Cooper: wow you want to get rid of them??
Fred: no the federal government would guarantee your gambling on african gold mines
Paul: fuck you John McCain -- Washington D.C. may have made you a senile chipmunk but it didn't change me
Cooper: so you have always been crazy?
Paul: yes in high school i was voted Most Likely to Run for President as a Demented Loon
Huckabee: eliminate the IRS and Homeland Security
[ yay!! ]
Question: national sales tax doods?
McCain: that's stupid and Huckabee is a moron
Cooper: solution
McCain: give me dictatorial powers
Paul: hisssss
McCain: you would have appeased Hitler you genocidal maniac
Paul: i want to save our soldier’s lives
McCain: well they want to be in a desert getting injured and killed you hate-filled bad man
Paul: active duty soldiers love me
McCain: you hate america you jew-hating nazi
Paul: fuck off dickhead
Grover (Bathtub-American) pledge to worship me!!
Panel: we all pledge to love you and cut taxes more more more
Fred and McCain: we won't pledge to that fat moron
Paul: cut spending doods
Hunter: maybe i will get lucky and there will be a war
Question: food subsidies for agribusiness?
Rudy: no - what if we run out of food!!
Cooper: did you steal security money?
Rudy: liberals and blacks threatened my life
Cooper: great
Question: chinese lead toys!
Tancredo: china is for cheap labor but not bad products
Hunter: they are amassing weapons and this christmas we should buy american guns to support our returning disabled veterans with post traumatic stress
Cooper: what up with your fetus-oriented ad?
Thompson: mitt used to be an abortionist
Mitt: i was young and wrong when i aborted ted kennedy's and mary jo's baby
Cooper: you got an award for that
Mitt: true but Huckabee raised taxes
Cooper: that is worse
Huckabee: when a Republican hits you in the rear it's better not to look back
Question: do you like guns or should i shoot you?
Hunter: guns are like footballs they are a tradition of America and should always be handed off just like there were in bunker hill and fallujah
Question: Rudy why should anyone have to be qualified to own a fucking machine gun you socialist??
Rudy: dood you forget i ruled over a city with a lot of black people and criminals and crazy new yorkers
[booooo!!!!]
Rudy: no audience you are forgetting the Parker decision!
[ huh ??? ]
Rudy: maybe the really white states could have looser rules
Fred Thompson: he met with president clinton that's evil!!!
[woo-hoo!]
Fred: but the case he cites is from Washington DC which has a bunch of liberals and blacks
Rudy: that's my point there are too many blacks there
Question: how many guns do you own?? for example are they machine guns and what are their names??
Fred: damm right I do
McCain: i don't need a gun i killed a man with my bare hands for a bowl of rice
Rudy: Judy won't let me have a gun
Question: black on black crime?
Romney: bill cosby said it best - pudding pops will stop crime
Cooper: what else
Romney: inner city schools suck
Rudy: jeebus i dropped crime in the Black Areas by 80%
Mitt: he was a wonderful mayor but then again my police commissioner wasn't going around committing crimes
Cooper: what did you do in massachusetts to stop crime?
Mitt: DNA laboratories dood
Question: abortion!
Paul: women should only go to prison for a third timester abortion
Cooper: really?
Paul: no i take that back just the doctor - women are too dumb to be responsible
Fred Thompson: just the doctor should go to prison not the innocent girl after all having a uterus and ovaries makes you a stupid little thing not responsible for her pretty little actions
Question: Rudy would you ban abortion if everyone else in american wanted it?
Rudy: no i wouldn't, i would leave it to the states
Mitt: ban all abortions? That would be faaaaaaaaaabulous!!!!!!!
Question: who would jesus kill?
Huckabee: the toughest decision i ever made was to kill a man
Cooper: no letting a rapist go free because he attacked a political rival's relative?
Huck: no that was surprisingly easy
audience: but jesus!
Huck: look i would execute a fetus but only after a 1 hour trial
Cooper: what would jesus do
Huckster: he would be a democrat and probably vote for Kucinich
Question: Holy Bible yes or no?
Rudy: well-
Huckster: can i help you Rudy he was holding a bible in case you were confused you heathen motherfucker
Rudy: it's pack of myths
Cooper: have you ever read it
Rudy: well a nun hit me with it does that count?
Mitt: i love that little fucking Bible just like millions or even billions of people
Cooper: literally???
Mitt: i believe it's the Word of God but I think He lies sometimes
Huckabee: it's written by God but it's all allegories like that part about a 10-Headed Dragon i'm pretty sure that's about Hillary Clinton
[yay!!!]
Question: how do you improve America's image
Rudy: fuck some muslim shit up
[yay!!!!]
Rudy: Islam is wonderful religion and so is Arabia
[zero applause]
Rudy: Islam a great, great religion
[crickets]
Rudy: liberals won't use the specific phrases i make up
McCain: Democrats want to surrender to terrorists!!
[yay!]
McCain: i was the only one to bash Rumsfeld and George Bush
[uhhhhh...]
McCain: the troops!
[yay!]
Hunter: no matter what America does i will not apologize
[yay!]
Question: who would you torture?
Romney: why bring terrorists from Gitmo and let them go free in Des Moines with ACLU lawyers???
McCain: you must be an idiot if you don't know what waterboarding is
Romeny: well i do
McCain: well then how the fuck do you think that's appropriate for americans to do to other people
Romney: look i'm running for president i not going say what is and isn't torture
Cooper: well who will
Romney: Cofer Black
McCain: you idiot -- life is not a tv show like "24" this is a defining issue and you can't a position on this then just don't run for President
Question: will you pledge to maintain our current stabilizing presence in the middle east
Thompson: we should leave immediately but stay until the mission is done
[huh?]
Fred: they want to bring down America
[wha?]
Fred: we should stay until oil is cheap
[quoi?]
Fred: victory!!!
Cooper: you're sundowning dood
Paul: criminy we now have friendly relations with vietnam lets get the hell out
McCain: we didn't lose Vietman the only reason we left is Hippies
Paul: john you got hit in the head too much
McCain: Osama bin Laden is in Iraq and will come to New York if we leave
Paul: they attacked us because we invaded their country!!
[tv audience: you're both insane]
Question: r u running on 9/11?
Rudy: no way i was in charge of Haitian policy and George Will loves me
Cooper: what else
Rudy: i also reduced abortions
Cooper: because you started marrying your mistresses
Q: vice president!!
Fred: i want one with legal training, national security, and domestic expertise
[wha??]
Fred: he should have authority
McCain: look Bush is clearly a moron and that's why this county got so fucked up after 9/11
Cooper: um, did I just hear you it sounded like you said Bush was an incompetent who weakened america and turned this country over to a fat crook who shoots people
McCain: u heard me
Chuck Yeager: Duncan Hunter doods!
audience: what happened to sam sheppard dood??
Brigadier General: i'm a General and I'm gay - does that blow your mind?
Hunter: thanks for your mincing service but looks israel and the british can serve with gays but most people in the military are judeo-christian Republicans and they would just hate people like you too much
Huckabee: it's all about conduct like conducting yourself too gay
Romney: i laff when i think of 'don't ask don't tell' but now i think it worked
Cooper: answer the question
Mitt: no i refuse
General: i was a gay soldier for 42 years
Huckabee: jesus it's a wonder we survived as a nation
Hunter: i'm surprised your fellow judeo-christians didn't kill you
General: there are lots of gay soldiers
[booooooo!!!!]
General: gay soliders yes or no?
McCain: how dare you bash our military!!!
Gay Guy: gay republicans?
Huckabee: i hate gays but they can vote for me if they want
Cooper: that sounds pretty shitty
Huckabee: yeah but i have integrity
Q: social security
Fred: elimniate social security it's a moral issue
Mitt: speaking of social security i hate jihadism and hillary clinton and love ronald reagan and families
Cooper: my god you need a tune-up dood
Question: Mars Bitches!
Tancredo: we shouldn't go to mars there might be mexicans there
Question: alot of blacks are conservatives why do they hate the GOP?
Rudy: hey when i cracked down on black skulls i did it out of love -- did you know crime still drops in NYC even now because of me?
Huckabee: hey a black guy voted for me and i appointed a black guy in charge of hypertension affairs
Huckabee: maybe we should reach out hispanics too
Cooper: yeah right
Questions: confederate flag doods
Romney: as former chair of Bain Capital i would like to stay i don't what the fuck he is talking about
Cooper: so improvise
Romney: John Edwards is trying to divide people and that flag should never be shown
Fred: no one who shows that flag is a racist but let's face it -- could the racists in the GOP cool it please??
Q: bridges dood
Rudy: david dinkins was a great guy i loved his donuts
Paul: we're bankrupt and we should pull out of iraq and spend like crazy
McCain: i hate bridges grrrrrrrrr
Rudy: fuck you crippled bullshit artist
[boooooooooo!!!]
McCain: municipal bastard
Rudy: i beat up bill Clinton
Q: will you run a third party Ron Paul?
Paul: the short answer yes you're damm right i plan to
Cooper: really
Paul: this is the Ron Paul Revolution!!!
Question: how could root for the red sox rudy???
Rudy: i've rooted for the American league for fifty years because i love America
Cooper: dickhaid
Mitt: we waited 87 long years so sad
Cooper: you may wait that long before you get back the white house you anti-gay, anti-immigrant, openly racist, lying, scapegoating, incoherent fuckwits
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Ron Paul on Joe Scarborough - Nov. 27
***************************************
Joe Scarborough in the Morning
MSNBC
November 27, 2007
Guest: Rep. Ron Paul
****************************************
Joe: dood u raised $4 million on the internet
Ron Paul: people hate teh war and the deficiet
Joe: yeah but the interent is only the interent yur support can't be real you're like Howard Dean
Ron Paul: yeah but look at John McCain or Fred Thompson they have no money and no one likes them
Mika: why don't you drop out after all you are a complete lunatic
Paul: that's why i won't drop out darling
Joe: But Mika he's raising $4 million per day!!!!
Paul: i didn't plan to have all this money now I'm trying to figure out how to spend it
Joe: like what
Paul: someone told me that New Hampshire is a state I'm going to check it out
Joe: people like you because all the other candidates are not real conservatives
Paul: i have Greenies and Democrats too
Geist: you were endorsed by the Bunny Ranch Owner
Paul: i love freedom man
Joe: stay away from Tucker Carlson dood
Paul: i don't trust that twerp
Mika: we're about to deluged with e-mail from his crazy supporters
Joe Scarborough in the Morning
MSNBC
November 27, 2007
Guest: Rep. Ron Paul
****************************************
Joe: dood u raised $4 million on the internet
Ron Paul: people hate teh war and the deficiet
Joe: yeah but the interent is only the interent yur support can't be real you're like Howard Dean
Ron Paul: yeah but look at John McCain or Fred Thompson they have no money and no one likes them
Mika: why don't you drop out after all you are a complete lunatic
Paul: that's why i won't drop out darling
Joe: But Mika he's raising $4 million per day!!!!
Paul: i didn't plan to have all this money now I'm trying to figure out how to spend it
Joe: like what
Paul: someone told me that New Hampshire is a state I'm going to check it out
Joe: people like you because all the other candidates are not real conservatives
Paul: i have Greenies and Democrats too
Geist: you were endorsed by the Bunny Ranch Owner
Paul: i love freedom man
Joe: stay away from Tucker Carlson dood
Paul: i don't trust that twerp
Mika: we're about to deluged with e-mail from his crazy supporters
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Meet The Press - November 25, 2007
***********************************************
Meet The Press - Sunday, November 25, 2007
Guests: James Carville, Mary Matalin,
Bob Shrum, and Mike Murphy
*********************************************
Mary Matalin : best thing that could happen to hillary is lose iowa
Tim Russert: why
Matalin: she's like Rocky she's needs to be hit a few times in order get angry enough to win
Russert: but in the meantime Obama would hurt her
Matalin: yeah but Obama is a terrible candidate i'm very concerned about this
Mike Murphy: the Empress has no clothes on
Bob Shrum: she's has run a good campaign look at all those planted questions - genius
James Carville: Obama has no mandate - hillary has a much more ambitious fake health plan
Russert: but she wouldn't answer the most crucial question facing america - driver's licenses for people who can drive
Murphy: she's weak and not charsimatic and not likeable that's the magic fairy dust which Romney clearly has
Russert: karl rove and Bush like her
Matalin: she suffers from front-runnerism which is why she's needs to lose to find her authentic voice
Shrum: ted kennedy, john kerry and al gore could decide this election
Russert: no one trusts her and men hate her
Carville: it's a problem
Murphy: she's going to lose because she's polarizing
Russert: Hillary says Edwards is throwing mud and Obama says hey I lived in a foreign country when i was growing up and hillary says he's a like a little kid -- she's using the RNC talking points
Hillary: we can't afford on the job training
Obama: what the fuck is her experience anyway
Matalin: Democrats only have one foreign policy - hating America
Carville: let me respond to that by shilling for Hillary
Russert: Obama’s saying Hillary didn't do anything in the 1990s
Shrum: uh-
Russert: on the other hand she is married to Bill Clinton
Murphy: he's fresh and very clean
Elizabeth Edwards: Hillary won't shake things up
Russert: Edwards is very aggresive
Shrum: Hillary says any attack on her is like the GOP Attack Machine of the Clinton years
Russert: 70% of people hate everyone
Shrum: Edwards is Hillary’s BFF he's protecting her from Obama
Russert: wow
Shrum: the debates will be crucial
Carville: in iowa change happens big and it happens late - it's like my puberty
Russert: ha ha
Matalin: Hillary will be drag people to the caucus and force them to vote for her
Russert: wow she is evil
Carville: hey at least the Democrats have candidate who don't belong in a mental health facility
Russert: who do people hate her?
Carville: cause it's an election stupid
Shrum: i am the great apostle and i say that underlying factors matter
Russert: you just blew my mind
Russert: wow Romney and Huckabee doing well in Iowa
Panel: heh heh
Russert: no one trusts Rudy Giuliani
Murphy: yes it's very open - Romney's got a problem even though he's leading
Russert: Huck has got the creationist vote that's key
Murphy: a damaged Romney goes into New Hampshire which will mean Rudy wins
Russert: what happened to your BFF Fred Thompson
Matalin: he's the same old wonderful wacko dood
Russert: ok
Matalin: Huckabee is a tax and spend liberal
Shrum: Fred obviously sucks so Romney has got to take down Huckster
Russert: why is Huckabee so strong?
Shrum: he's likeable and wants to put women in prison for using their own bodies
Russert: that's adorable
Murphy: i think Romney's real danger comes from Rudy they are both going after the same vote
Tim: Thompson is not getting any votes
Matalin: i hate beltway bloviators
Russert: and my kettle hates black pots baby
Matalin: Fred is rolling out detailed plans!! Conservatives unlike liberals actually care about substance!
Russert: so why is Fred losing
Matalin: he isn't - he's winning!
Russert: but only in fantasyland
Matalin: which is where Republicans live!
Murphy: we can bring Fred back to life is we use jumper cables
Shrum: things could change
Matalin: people love guns it's a lifestyle thing like being gay or cross dressing which Rudy has also done
Russert: all the women in my family pack heat
Matalin: well of course they do fathead
David Brooks: Rudy is a shining light of optimism in this land - he loved immigrants in 1996
Rudy: we should build a fence to electrocute non english speaking immigrants
Murphy: awwww… so sad they are right but there are a lot of knuckleheads in their primary
Russert: so of course they have to lie therefore I won't mention it again
Shrum: look hispanics already hate the GOP they might as well make electric fences a campaign issue
Matalin: democrats have hurt themselves with black votes
Shrum: oh you are such a lying whack job Mary Matalin
Rusert: who is better on crime and taxes - Romney or Rudy?
Matalin: neither my employer Fred Thompson - look at his magic policy proposals
Russert: but his record is in Hollywood
Matalin: Rudy is a gay loving bad man
Carville: it’s the economy stupid
Russert: no. please assess the race honestly sir
Rusert: why don't you say that to Mary Matalin?
Russert: because she is a conservative you know Meet the Press has two standards
Murphy: the race is between Romney and Rudy and Huckabee and Fred Thompson and McCain who hates politics
Matalin: you don't what will happen Fred could come in fifth in iowa and still win in the south and heartland
Russert: but iowa is in the heartland
Matalin: Fred Thomspson will win dammit!!!!!
Timmeh: happy anniversary crazy people
Matalin: i can't believe i married this bald wacko
Carville: hey honey it's a paid gig suck it up
Meet The Press - Sunday, November 25, 2007
Guests: James Carville, Mary Matalin,
Bob Shrum, and Mike Murphy
*********************************************
Mary Matalin : best thing that could happen to hillary is lose iowa
Tim Russert: why
Matalin: she's like Rocky she's needs to be hit a few times in order get angry enough to win
Russert: but in the meantime Obama would hurt her
Matalin: yeah but Obama is a terrible candidate i'm very concerned about this
Mike Murphy: the Empress has no clothes on
Bob Shrum: she's has run a good campaign look at all those planted questions - genius
James Carville: Obama has no mandate - hillary has a much more ambitious fake health plan
Russert: but she wouldn't answer the most crucial question facing america - driver's licenses for people who can drive
Murphy: she's weak and not charsimatic and not likeable that's the magic fairy dust which Romney clearly has
Russert: karl rove and Bush like her
Matalin: she suffers from front-runnerism which is why she's needs to lose to find her authentic voice
Shrum: ted kennedy, john kerry and al gore could decide this election
Russert: no one trusts her and men hate her
Carville: it's a problem
Murphy: she's going to lose because she's polarizing
Russert: Hillary says Edwards is throwing mud and Obama says hey I lived in a foreign country when i was growing up and hillary says he's a like a little kid -- she's using the RNC talking points
Hillary: we can't afford on the job training
Obama: what the fuck is her experience anyway
Matalin: Democrats only have one foreign policy - hating America
Carville: let me respond to that by shilling for Hillary
Russert: Obama’s saying Hillary didn't do anything in the 1990s
Shrum: uh-
Russert: on the other hand she is married to Bill Clinton
Murphy: he's fresh and very clean
Elizabeth Edwards: Hillary won't shake things up
Russert: Edwards is very aggresive
Shrum: Hillary says any attack on her is like the GOP Attack Machine of the Clinton years
Russert: 70% of people hate everyone
Shrum: Edwards is Hillary’s BFF he's protecting her from Obama
Russert: wow
Shrum: the debates will be crucial
Carville: in iowa change happens big and it happens late - it's like my puberty
Russert: ha ha
Matalin: Hillary will be drag people to the caucus and force them to vote for her
Russert: wow she is evil
Carville: hey at least the Democrats have candidate who don't belong in a mental health facility
Russert: who do people hate her?
Carville: cause it's an election stupid
Shrum: i am the great apostle and i say that underlying factors matter
Russert: you just blew my mind
Russert: wow Romney and Huckabee doing well in Iowa
Panel: heh heh
Russert: no one trusts Rudy Giuliani
Murphy: yes it's very open - Romney's got a problem even though he's leading
Russert: Huck has got the creationist vote that's key
Murphy: a damaged Romney goes into New Hampshire which will mean Rudy wins
Russert: what happened to your BFF Fred Thompson
Matalin: he's the same old wonderful wacko dood
Russert: ok
Matalin: Huckabee is a tax and spend liberal
Shrum: Fred obviously sucks so Romney has got to take down Huckster
Russert: why is Huckabee so strong?
Shrum: he's likeable and wants to put women in prison for using their own bodies
Russert: that's adorable
Murphy: i think Romney's real danger comes from Rudy they are both going after the same vote
Tim: Thompson is not getting any votes
Matalin: i hate beltway bloviators
Russert: and my kettle hates black pots baby
Matalin: Fred is rolling out detailed plans!! Conservatives unlike liberals actually care about substance!
Russert: so why is Fred losing
Matalin: he isn't - he's winning!
Russert: but only in fantasyland
Matalin: which is where Republicans live!
Murphy: we can bring Fred back to life is we use jumper cables
Shrum: things could change
Matalin: people love guns it's a lifestyle thing like being gay or cross dressing which Rudy has also done
Russert: all the women in my family pack heat
Matalin: well of course they do fathead
David Brooks: Rudy is a shining light of optimism in this land - he loved immigrants in 1996
Rudy: we should build a fence to electrocute non english speaking immigrants
Murphy: awwww… so sad they are right but there are a lot of knuckleheads in their primary
Russert: so of course they have to lie therefore I won't mention it again
Shrum: look hispanics already hate the GOP they might as well make electric fences a campaign issue
Matalin: democrats have hurt themselves with black votes
Shrum: oh you are such a lying whack job Mary Matalin
Rusert: who is better on crime and taxes - Romney or Rudy?
Matalin: neither my employer Fred Thompson - look at his magic policy proposals
Russert: but his record is in Hollywood
Matalin: Rudy is a gay loving bad man
Carville: it’s the economy stupid
Russert: no. please assess the race honestly sir
Rusert: why don't you say that to Mary Matalin?
Russert: because she is a conservative you know Meet the Press has two standards
Murphy: the race is between Romney and Rudy and Huckabee and Fred Thompson and McCain who hates politics
Matalin: you don't what will happen Fred could come in fifth in iowa and still win in the south and heartland
Russert: but iowa is in the heartland
Matalin: Fred Thomspson will win dammit!!!!!
Timmeh: happy anniversary crazy people
Matalin: i can't believe i married this bald wacko
Carville: hey honey it's a paid gig suck it up
The Chris Matthews Show - Sunday, November 25, 2007
*******************************
The Chris Matthews Show - Sunday, November 25, 2007
*******************************
Matthews: does Obama have to win in iowa or is he a big looser?
Panel: he’s a looser
Brooks: he’s inspiring -- i love his sneering contempt for Hillary Clinton which all people secretly share
Nora O’D: he wants people to follow their heart!!!!
Matthews: clarence yur smiling why?
Page: he was playing rope a dope he's like muhammad ali
Matthews: ooh but he was muslim
Page: true, but not arab
Page: Obama's in a holding pattern until xmas
Matthews: everybody on earth despises Hilllary right?
Bumiller: well of course
Matthews: what else
Bumiller: iowa despises women - it's like the saudia arabia of the midwest
Matthews: well even women hate Hillary
Norah: yes but iowa is like a microcosm of America all people hate her
Matthews: hillary called Obama a child with no experience whereas she was first lady lady hugging yassir arafat's wife
Brooks: hillary has no ideas but she appeals to uneducated people
Matthews: does anyone like her
Brooks: yes because she has substance and Obama does not
Matthews: I want to fall in love with a good looking candidate
Page: Matthews that's sexist
Matthews: i was talking about Barack Obama
Matthews: the most loved person in America is Oprah
Norah: she can sell books, can she sell a black man?
Bumiller: the corn-fed overall wearing farmers won't fall for the black female billionaire
Page: this is Oprah doods - she can sway whole nations!
Matthews: OMG the governor of NJ from 20 years ago endorsed McCain - he's gonna win!!
Brooks: McCain is teh finest of men
Matthews: so true
Brooks: he can talk for 20 minutes without sounding like an idiot
Matthews: does he have personal character?
Brooks: yes because he endorsed the Surge he's risked his life on it
Matthews: he walked though that market
Brook: plus all Democrats will vote for him
Matthews: immigrants will all vote for McCain
Page: but the GOP sez he's coddling criminals
Matthews: McCain got Dems to vote for him in 2000 but Obama will do that this time
Norah: McCain is done for but maybe he will after all
Matthews: bold statement Norah
Brooks: Rudy's record on assholeness will be released next month
Matthews: this could go into the spring i see many erections ahead for me and if there is a brokered convention i will ejaculate on live teevee
Panel: oh wow
Matthews: tell me something cool!
Norah: Emily and her list will take down Obama
Page: Oprah is-
Matthews: I love it!!
Page: obama wil bring out ellen is Oprah doesn't pan out
Bullimer: dick cheney hates peace
Brooks: we aren't going to war with iran
Matthews: fuck
Page: edwards is a spoiler and takes votes from Obama
Bumiller: i don't want to count him out - but i will
Brooks: but will blacks actually vote?
Matthews: it’s so exiting I can’t wait!!!
The Chris Matthews Show - Sunday, November 25, 2007
*******************************
Matthews: does Obama have to win in iowa or is he a big looser?
Panel: he’s a looser
Brooks: he’s inspiring -- i love his sneering contempt for Hillary Clinton which all people secretly share
Nora O’D: he wants people to follow their heart!!!!
Matthews: clarence yur smiling why?
Page: he was playing rope a dope he's like muhammad ali
Matthews: ooh but he was muslim
Page: true, but not arab
Page: Obama's in a holding pattern until xmas
Matthews: everybody on earth despises Hilllary right?
Bumiller: well of course
Matthews: what else
Bumiller: iowa despises women - it's like the saudia arabia of the midwest
Matthews: well even women hate Hillary
Norah: yes but iowa is like a microcosm of America all people hate her
Matthews: hillary called Obama a child with no experience whereas she was first lady lady hugging yassir arafat's wife
Brooks: hillary has no ideas but she appeals to uneducated people
Matthews: does anyone like her
Brooks: yes because she has substance and Obama does not
Matthews: I want to fall in love with a good looking candidate
Page: Matthews that's sexist
Matthews: i was talking about Barack Obama
Matthews: the most loved person in America is Oprah
Norah: she can sell books, can she sell a black man?
Bumiller: the corn-fed overall wearing farmers won't fall for the black female billionaire
Page: this is Oprah doods - she can sway whole nations!
Matthews: OMG the governor of NJ from 20 years ago endorsed McCain - he's gonna win!!
Brooks: McCain is teh finest of men
Matthews: so true
Brooks: he can talk for 20 minutes without sounding like an idiot
Matthews: does he have personal character?
Brooks: yes because he endorsed the Surge he's risked his life on it
Matthews: he walked though that market
Brook: plus all Democrats will vote for him
Matthews: immigrants will all vote for McCain
Page: but the GOP sez he's coddling criminals
Matthews: McCain got Dems to vote for him in 2000 but Obama will do that this time
Norah: McCain is done for but maybe he will after all
Matthews: bold statement Norah
Brooks: Rudy's record on assholeness will be released next month
Matthews: this could go into the spring i see many erections ahead for me and if there is a brokered convention i will ejaculate on live teevee
Panel: oh wow
Matthews: tell me something cool!
Norah: Emily and her list will take down Obama
Page: Oprah is-
Matthews: I love it!!
Page: obama wil bring out ellen is Oprah doesn't pan out
Bullimer: dick cheney hates peace
Brooks: we aren't going to war with iran
Matthews: fuck
Page: edwards is a spoiler and takes votes from Obama
Bumiller: i don't want to count him out - but i will
Brooks: but will blacks actually vote?
Matthews: it’s so exiting I can’t wait!!!
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Hardball with Chris Matthews - Friday, November 21, 2007
*******************************************
Hardball with Chris Matthews
Friday, November 21, 2007
*******************************************
Tweety: did cheney lie about outing valerie plame
Shuster: of course he did
Tweety: wow
Shuster: McClellan said he knew Rove was innocent because it was public knowledge
[tape]
Journalist: how do you know rove is a good guy
Scottie: i did a mind-meld with him dood
Journalist: what about scooter libby
Scottie: i dunno
Cheney: clear scooter or i will put a horse's head in yur bed dood
Scottie: it was all rumor and innuendo and no important member of this white house would be involved in the leak
Journalist: r u sure dood
Scottie: yeah
[end tape]
Tweety: so sad Libby took the fall awwwwww......
Savannah: yes so very sad he took the fall his good name is in tatters and he's a convicted felon
Tweety: why would he lie??
Savannah: he's so fucking heroic we should be build a statue to him
Tweety: the Scooter Memorial -- it would show a pasty white guy falling on a sword and being caught at the last second by a George Bush
Schuster: well now we know that George Bush actively lied to Scottie McClellan
Tweety: so sad Scooter Libby's lawyer couldn't defend his criminal client when he was just a good soldier
Savannah: Fitzgerald hid behind the law and didn't litigate the war so unfair
Tweety: Bush commuted his sentence - is that justice or a conspiracy to obstruct justice?
Shuster: teh big story Cheney and Rove lied to President Stupid
Tweety: Is Bush a liar or ignorant?
Shuster: why not both?
Tweety: awesome
Matthews: WaPo buried the story on page 15 - oh well it's only lies to destroy American security
Schuster: smuggled nukes
Matthews: Scotty is such a tease
Isikoff: that's very nice tweety
Matthews: i call him my little sugarplum
Isikoff: Rove lied to Scott McClellan
Matthews: Shocking!
Isikoff: will he mention this in his book - we don't know
Matthews: Wilson was the leading critic of the war
Isikoff: really?
Matthews: that's how i remember it
Milbank: let's face it Scottie wasn't exactly in the loop
Matthews: President Bush is very smart
Isikoff: let's not go overboard
Matthews: bush commuted the sentence of the guy who could finger him for a crime
Isikoff: in their defense they never saw this case a very big deal
Matthews: but it is a big deal!
Isikoff: Wilson was a partisan dood who attacked our precious war
Matthews: he was fair game!
Isikoff: yes in their defense they didn't want to admit they were liars or incompetent
Matthews: yes back then war was so lovely
Matthews: i want to get inside the baby cask of amontillado
Milbank: it would be stupid not to pardon Libby
Shuster: Bush camps says their treason is old news
Matthews: god these guys are good -- they have shut this story down even though it's about criminality in the white house - bravo Mr. Bush!
Shuster: i sense sarcasm there tweetybird
Matthews: no i admire them -- after all life is a campaign of lying and deceit
[break]
Hillary: Obama is only 10 years old that’s too young
Obama: Hillary and Rummy and Bush and Cheney are all disasters
Matthews: guns on campus what could go wrong!
Obama: i used drugs
Rudy: haven't we all
Romney: kids always do what the president does - that's the why the President should always lie
Matthews: i tell all my kids my mistakes in life
Shuster: the stuff of nightmares
Matthews: the truth hurts man
Bolton: the world’s most dangerous weapons cant be in teh hands of most dangerous people
Matthews: you’re saying Bush shouldn’t be President?
Bolton: we should invade Iran
Matthews: but the iraq was a total disaster
Bolton: sure in hindsight
Matthews: should we have put Chalabi in charge
Bolton: hey i was always against the occupation!
Matthews: were you really?
Bolton: hey colin powell was all gung-ho for invading and i was all like ‘no way bad idea dood’!
Matthews: really i thought you were a hawk
Bolton: who me? no i hate nation building!
Matthews: oh ok
Brown University Expert: attacking iran is very bad idea
Tweety: it’s risk free for them
Brown University Expert: no but risky for us
Bolton: i want to avoid war
Tweety: no you don't!
Bolton: they are teh central banker for international terrorism
Tweety: so should we attack?
Bolton: sure - life is about choices
Tweety: like you “chose” to avoid in serving in teh military
Bolton: right
Expert: the military are against attacking Iran
Bolton: fuck them
Matthews: you think Elections are Magic
Bolton: no that's President George W Stupid
Matthews: do you want Iran to hate us or have nuclear weapons
Brown University Expert: it's crazy they *don't* have nukes and they *do* hate us
Matthews: if we bomb Iran won't the people hate us??
Bolton: no! The Iranians are smart enough to understand that if we bomb the shit out of them we do it out of love
Matthews: you are fucking insane - you thought we would be greeted with flowers
Bolton: no i always felt we should not invade Iraq
Matthews: god you're cuckoo
[break]
Joan Walsh: the NYT and WaPo are covering up this story - Scott McClellan is telling us the President is a liar and a criminal!
Brownstein: fascinating point McClellan is not being clear with us
Tweety: interesting
Brownstein: recall Scotty worked for Governor Bush he won't turn on him
Tweety: what about Shotgun Dick?
Brownstein: he’s fair game
Matthews: we are in teh middle of arabia and it's very scary and it's all because of piss-poor journalism!!
audience: does your dressing room even have a mirror dood?
Matthews: i'm so excited the election day is almost here
Bailey: it's hard to pole people in the caucus
Matthews: women hate hillary
Brownstein: well they do see her a lot
Matthews: why don't they like her
Brownstein: she's shrill and mean
Matthews: she went after Obama for having experience with a broad
Bailey: bad move
Matthews: women only do well when there's a large body of water nearby i think it’s the monthly tides or something
Walsh: why did i agree to come on this insane show?
Matthews: happy thanksgiving everyone whatever u do it can't be weirder than mine
Hardball with Chris Matthews
Friday, November 21, 2007
*******************************************
Tweety: did cheney lie about outing valerie plame
Shuster: of course he did
Tweety: wow
Shuster: McClellan said he knew Rove was innocent because it was public knowledge
[tape]
Journalist: how do you know rove is a good guy
Scottie: i did a mind-meld with him dood
Journalist: what about scooter libby
Scottie: i dunno
Cheney: clear scooter or i will put a horse's head in yur bed dood
Scottie: it was all rumor and innuendo and no important member of this white house would be involved in the leak
Journalist: r u sure dood
Scottie: yeah
[end tape]
Tweety: so sad Libby took the fall awwwwww......
Savannah: yes so very sad he took the fall his good name is in tatters and he's a convicted felon
Tweety: why would he lie??
Savannah: he's so fucking heroic we should be build a statue to him
Tweety: the Scooter Memorial -- it would show a pasty white guy falling on a sword and being caught at the last second by a George Bush
Schuster: well now we know that George Bush actively lied to Scottie McClellan
Tweety: so sad Scooter Libby's lawyer couldn't defend his criminal client when he was just a good soldier
Savannah: Fitzgerald hid behind the law and didn't litigate the war so unfair
Tweety: Bush commuted his sentence - is that justice or a conspiracy to obstruct justice?
Shuster: teh big story Cheney and Rove lied to President Stupid
Tweety: Is Bush a liar or ignorant?
Shuster: why not both?
Tweety: awesome
Matthews: WaPo buried the story on page 15 - oh well it's only lies to destroy American security
Schuster: smuggled nukes
Matthews: Scotty is such a tease
Isikoff: that's very nice tweety
Matthews: i call him my little sugarplum
Isikoff: Rove lied to Scott McClellan
Matthews: Shocking!
Isikoff: will he mention this in his book - we don't know
Matthews: Wilson was the leading critic of the war
Isikoff: really?
Matthews: that's how i remember it
Milbank: let's face it Scottie wasn't exactly in the loop
Matthews: President Bush is very smart
Isikoff: let's not go overboard
Matthews: bush commuted the sentence of the guy who could finger him for a crime
Isikoff: in their defense they never saw this case a very big deal
Matthews: but it is a big deal!
Isikoff: Wilson was a partisan dood who attacked our precious war
Matthews: he was fair game!
Isikoff: yes in their defense they didn't want to admit they were liars or incompetent
Matthews: yes back then war was so lovely
Matthews: i want to get inside the baby cask of amontillado
Milbank: it would be stupid not to pardon Libby
Shuster: Bush camps says their treason is old news
Matthews: god these guys are good -- they have shut this story down even though it's about criminality in the white house - bravo Mr. Bush!
Shuster: i sense sarcasm there tweetybird
Matthews: no i admire them -- after all life is a campaign of lying and deceit
[break]
Hillary: Obama is only 10 years old that’s too young
Obama: Hillary and Rummy and Bush and Cheney are all disasters
Matthews: guns on campus what could go wrong!
Obama: i used drugs
Rudy: haven't we all
Romney: kids always do what the president does - that's the why the President should always lie
Matthews: i tell all my kids my mistakes in life
Shuster: the stuff of nightmares
Matthews: the truth hurts man
Bolton: the world’s most dangerous weapons cant be in teh hands of most dangerous people
Matthews: you’re saying Bush shouldn’t be President?
Bolton: we should invade Iran
Matthews: but the iraq was a total disaster
Bolton: sure in hindsight
Matthews: should we have put Chalabi in charge
Bolton: hey i was always against the occupation!
Matthews: were you really?
Bolton: hey colin powell was all gung-ho for invading and i was all like ‘no way bad idea dood’!
Matthews: really i thought you were a hawk
Bolton: who me? no i hate nation building!
Matthews: oh ok
Brown University Expert: attacking iran is very bad idea
Tweety: it’s risk free for them
Brown University Expert: no but risky for us
Bolton: i want to avoid war
Tweety: no you don't!
Bolton: they are teh central banker for international terrorism
Tweety: so should we attack?
Bolton: sure - life is about choices
Tweety: like you “chose” to avoid in serving in teh military
Bolton: right
Expert: the military are against attacking Iran
Bolton: fuck them
Matthews: you think Elections are Magic
Bolton: no that's President George W Stupid
Matthews: do you want Iran to hate us or have nuclear weapons
Brown University Expert: it's crazy they *don't* have nukes and they *do* hate us
Matthews: if we bomb Iran won't the people hate us??
Bolton: no! The Iranians are smart enough to understand that if we bomb the shit out of them we do it out of love
Matthews: you are fucking insane - you thought we would be greeted with flowers
Bolton: no i always felt we should not invade Iraq
Matthews: god you're cuckoo
[break]
Joan Walsh: the NYT and WaPo are covering up this story - Scott McClellan is telling us the President is a liar and a criminal!
Brownstein: fascinating point McClellan is not being clear with us
Tweety: interesting
Brownstein: recall Scotty worked for Governor Bush he won't turn on him
Tweety: what about Shotgun Dick?
Brownstein: he’s fair game
Matthews: we are in teh middle of arabia and it's very scary and it's all because of piss-poor journalism!!
audience: does your dressing room even have a mirror dood?
Matthews: i'm so excited the election day is almost here
Bailey: it's hard to pole people in the caucus
Matthews: women hate hillary
Brownstein: well they do see her a lot
Matthews: why don't they like her
Brownstein: she's shrill and mean
Matthews: she went after Obama for having experience with a broad
Bailey: bad move
Matthews: women only do well when there's a large body of water nearby i think it’s the monthly tides or something
Walsh: why did i agree to come on this insane show?
Matthews: happy thanksgiving everyone whatever u do it can't be weirder than mine
Friday, November 16, 2007
Democratic Debate - November 16, 2007
*********************************************
Democratic Presidential Debate
November 15, 2007
Las Vegas Nevada
UNLV
Moderators:
Wolf Blizter
John Roberts
Campbell Brown
*********************************************
Wolf Blizter: let's introduce the candidates......
Senator John Edwards!
"damm i'm cute"
Senator Chris Dodd!
"how come no one like me?"
Senator Barack Obama!!
"damm i'm smokin' hot"
Senator Hillary Clinton
"should i shake hands? yes-wait-maybe not - okay i will"
Dennis Kucinich!!
"is that a ufo? oh no it's joe biden's head"
Joe Biden!!
"fire burns!!"
Bill Richardson!!
"yo soy runnning for veece president"
hi i'm wolf blitzer if a candidate strays from the topic i will gently whip them with my beard-brush
Campbell Brown: first question Hillary are you a Clintonian parsing bitch
Hillary: ahm wearing my asbestos pantsuit bitch
Brown: sexy
Hillary: let me say this about my opponents - fuck all of them
Leslie: Obama do you think hillary is a lying bitch
Obama: she is the biggest liar ever - look at driver's licenses or social security or the size and shape of bill's penis where's the straight talk???
Leslie: billary how big is it?
Hillary: he's not honest either his fake health care plan doesn't cover everyone whereas my fake health care plan does
Leslie: touche!
Obama: she promises everything and i don't - who's dishonest now?
Hillary: let's be honest Barack covers kids but what about tweens where's the love for Hannah Montana oh noes
Protestor: Biofuels bitches!!!
Obama: holy crap look what happened to Martin Luther King and Malcolm X should I be ducking right now
Edwards: Hillary hates social secuity, she voted for Bush's war, and is corrupt because she loves lobbyists
Hillary: can i talk
Leslie: by all means darling
Hillary: i don't mind attacks on my but when you go after my kitty-cat that's where i draw the line
Leslie: she's got you there pretty boy
Edwards: oh noes
Leslie: Franken-Biden you talk
Biden: Drugs!! Bad!!
Wolf: what else?
Biden: who among us is going to end the war and pick up the phone and order pakistani food in the District? In the 1970's i was ordering indian food while Edwards was still a kid!!
Wolf: calm down everyone but Kucinich will get to talk tonite
John Roberts: Edwards you are a big flip flopper
Edwards: yeah but i bend with the political winds and she calculates all her answers
Roberts: interesting
Edwards: you had a troll on CNN for the last debate
Roberts: well that's not a very nice thing to say about Lou Dobbs
Kucinich: as an elf i agree
Wolfie: Senator Dodd why is John Edwards so pretty and yet so angry?
Dodd: as the only white haired white man i can say people want someone as president who looks like a movie-style president and i am that man!!!
[audience: yay!!]
Richardson: my name is bill richardson and i am running for hillary clinton's vice president
Wolf: bold move
Richardson: give peas a chance
Wolf: i love them with cheese and butter and a knife
Richardson: that's what i'm saying dood
Leslie: will you all support the nominee whoever it is??
Biden: no and i'm not joking
Kucinich: no they're all warmongers
Brown: please hate on illegal immigrants
Obama: yes it's true George Bush is a terrible president Cambell Brown and yes it's easy to blame illegal immigrants for Bush's economy isn't it convenient how that works
Brown: so sad
Obama: we have to start tasing employers who hire illegals
Brown: yay
Leslie: let me ask you about the biggest issue in America: driver's licenses for illegals yes or no
Obama: oh my god Wolf you are THE dumbest motherfucker i have ever met
Leslie: yes or no!?!
Obama: maybe yes maybe no
Lesie: yes or no this is the most important issue ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Edwards: no - but let be more thorough
Leslie: no shut up
Dodd: no!
Leslie: thank you
Obama: can i say yes now
Leslie: huh?
Hillary: NO!
Kucinich: there is no such thing as an illegal person
Leslie: you scare me little man
Kucinich: fuck you wolfie you brainless twit
Richardson: hell i already gave licenses to illegal immmigrants
Wolfie: well but all your relatives are probably illegal immigrants
Richardson: this is complex-
Wolf: shut up pedro
Roberts: let's talk about a non-federal issue like firing teachers who teach students who don't do well on our fake tests
Dodd: i like kids and i hate bush
audience: yay!
Dodd: i started the congressional Children's Caucus
audience: did you ever wonder why Mark Foley attended every week
Leslie: do u hate unions?
Kucinich: no
Richardson: we need to have kindergarten last all day
audience: put mark foley on that too
Leslie: hillary what if there is a teacher who shows up for work every day and act like a total moron
Clinton: i'm looking at someone like that right now Wolfie
Wolf: huh
Biden: my wife proved she was a great teacher by leaving teaching to get two master's degrees
Wolf: yay
Biden: it's not like teachers are getting rich you know
Wolf: fucking filthy teat-sucking teachers
Biden: pay them more mone-
Wolf: shut up baldy
Brown: Biden you spoke to Musharraf last week for god's sake why???
Biden: Brown you have maintained CNN's perfect record of total shitheadedness tonight
Brown: thanks dude
Biden: in fact i don't like Pervez and i have a detailed Pakistan plan and no one else does
Brown: you bore me smart-person
Wolf: omg Pakistan has nukes and the taliban and really strong curries!!!
Richardson: we backed Musharraf even though he hates democracy guess what happened
Wolf: yeah a woman is running there oh noes
Richardson: hell Osama is in Pakistan
Wolf: shut up chunky
Richardon: no - i'm talking now you beadred retard
Wolf: so what you are saying is that you hate America and want this country to be nuked
Edwards: this all proves that Bush is really really stupid
Wolf: Obama do you want to see your muslim friends to nuke America
Obama: holy shit you are the dumbest bastard i have ever met
Blizter: Dodd do you hate America?
Dodd: jesus sugar tits Wolf Blitzer were you deprived of oxygen when you were born i have houseplants who are smarter than you
Hillary: i agree with Chris my god did the Republican party put some kind of implant in your tiny brain leslie???
Wolf: i have no memory of that
Hillary: obviously Bush has failed and now Pakistan is a total failure and very very dangerous
Kucinich: can i talk about Pakistan?
Wolf: no there are no UFOs there
Roberts: Iraq is a wonderful success why do you all hate America?
Richardson: the iraq war has caused lots of mental trauma
Roberts: well watching CNN will do that
Richardson: true but what about the rich Arab states
Kucinich: i voted against funding the war and the Dems in Congress should cut off the funding - period
Robert: america-hater
Kucinich: oh and by the way the problems in Pakistan are because of our assholiness all over the world
Obama: jesus christ people are on their 4th tour of duty and more americans are dead in Iraq and Afghanistan doesn't mean we should do cartwheels Leslie W. Stupid
Brown: China is evil and isn't that the Democrats fault
Kucinich: yes of course look at Yucca Mountain
Brown: oh right
Kucinich: Hillary and John Edwards voted for free trade with China
Biden: ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz
Edwards: we can't defeat Corporate Republicans and elect Corporate Democrats we must give the power to the people
Leslie: knowing what we know now should we all have voted for Ross Perot in 1992
Hillary: heh yeah then his daughter could have gotten married in the white house in safety
Leslie: was NAFTA a mistake
Hillary: yes - that's why i'm going to call for a time-out on trade
Leslie: what about instant replay
Hillary: that's another good idea
Dodd: suspend all trade with Peru and China!!
Obama: now hold on Peru is a little country
Dodd: well okay
Obama: we should send our own inspectors over there and review MNF every single year
Biden: we have power stop the chickens from sneaking into Delaware so lets do it or at least those freakin nuggets
Leslie: where should we put nuclear waste
Obama: this is the third time where you have said, 'assuming Democrats all suck and Republicans are good, who would you vote for?' and you should shut the fuck up
Wolf: okay okay
Obama: i mean it shithead
Leslie: okay don't hit me black man
Richardson: we need a Energy Revolution mandate!
Campbell Brown: you are playing the gender card bitch
Clinton: i am going to the first woman president and you can't stop me bitch
Brown: what's the boys club honey?
Clinton: campbell don't make smack you
Wolf: oooh cat fight!
Clinton: I’m very proud to be a woman
Wolf: is Hillary playing the gender card Edwards?
Edwards: she takes lobbying money
audience: booooooo
Edwards: fuck you all jerry tarkanian was a big cheater
Brown: do we want to invade Iran
Woman in Audience: should we have more war my son’s life is in danger dammit
Biden: no and hillary’s vote may take us to war with iran and if bush does that he should be impeached!
Hillary: there is no danger of people being deployed to iran but bush wants to go to war with iran which is dangerous
audience: oh ok
Edwards: I saw this movie once before and I don’t there to be a really crappy sequel
audience: yay
Obama: any idiot could see that resolution was an attempt at starting a war
Audience member: why is Blackwater getting rich wrecking our foreign policy
Richardson: no more mercenaries people should only kill for patriotism not money that just degrades it
Audience: applause!
Richardson: and a Heroes card when any veteran could use to go back in time before this shitty war started
Audience: woo-hoo!
Khan: I’m always being racially profiled it sucks
Edwards: that’s bad i pledge no more Gitmo or renditions or waterboarding when i'm president - the only torture which will be tolerated will be watching CNN debates
audience: yay!
Kucinich: you're all non-progressives unlike me!!
Wolf: ok that’s enough
Kucinich: impeach bush now!!
Wolf: shut up boat rocker they might hear you
Biden: no one loves me
Ambriz: buenvenidenos should be build a wall against brown people
Wolf: Bill you’re the only one here who counts who is against a big fence
Kucinich: that’s a fucking lie
Wolf: no you don’t matter dude
Richardson: you know Dennis i'm not actually in Congress
Dennis: you also can't win
Richardson: drugs and people are coming over but lets not demonize immigrants
Dodd: yo soy spanish speaker!
audience: yay!
Casino Cashier: my question is, do you want to double down?
Brown: good question
Cainso Gal: no really my question is do you support social security
Obama: bush keeps stealing Fica to pay for his stupid war
Wolf: Hillary what’s you plan
Clinton: I don’t have one
Obama: She's Hillary McRomney
Question: litmus test no overturning Rove Wade?
Dodd: damm right
Biden: I want a dog catcher who knows how to live!
Wolf: alma werfel?
Richardson: we need the Equalizer
Kucinich: we need a supreme court that conducts sessions on sex education
Obama: like Joe I would nominate someone with a lot of life experience
Wolf: how about joe biden then
Obama: you must be kidding he’s a been a senator since he was 17
Edwards: we need judges who are so unpopular they get death threats
Student: how do we unite America
Obama: hold a series of staff meetings
Hillary: I will go on a 4 year listening tour
Biden: people love me in Washington uniting America will be a snap
Richardson: I would get north korea to lean on Syria to persuade Israel to adjust the 1967 borders
Wolf: yes that will bring america together
Student: Hillary do you like liberal diamonds or Republican pearls
Hillary: heh give me both baby
Biden: diamonds -- pearls are for Republicans they go before swine
Host: that’s the end thanks everyone
Democratic Presidential Debate
November 15, 2007
Las Vegas Nevada
UNLV
Moderators:
Wolf Blizter
John Roberts
Campbell Brown
*********************************************
Wolf Blizter: let's introduce the candidates......
Senator John Edwards!
"damm i'm cute"
Senator Chris Dodd!
"how come no one like me?"
Senator Barack Obama!!
"damm i'm smokin' hot"
Senator Hillary Clinton
"should i shake hands? yes-wait-maybe not - okay i will"
Dennis Kucinich!!
"is that a ufo? oh no it's joe biden's head"
Joe Biden!!
"fire burns!!"
Bill Richardson!!
"yo soy runnning for veece president"
hi i'm wolf blitzer if a candidate strays from the topic i will gently whip them with my beard-brush
Campbell Brown: first question Hillary are you a Clintonian parsing bitch
Hillary: ahm wearing my asbestos pantsuit bitch
Brown: sexy
Hillary: let me say this about my opponents - fuck all of them
Leslie: Obama do you think hillary is a lying bitch
Obama: she is the biggest liar ever - look at driver's licenses or social security or the size and shape of bill's penis where's the straight talk???
Leslie: billary how big is it?
Hillary: he's not honest either his fake health care plan doesn't cover everyone whereas my fake health care plan does
Leslie: touche!
Obama: she promises everything and i don't - who's dishonest now?
Hillary: let's be honest Barack covers kids but what about tweens where's the love for Hannah Montana oh noes
Protestor: Biofuels bitches!!!
Obama: holy crap look what happened to Martin Luther King and Malcolm X should I be ducking right now
Edwards: Hillary hates social secuity, she voted for Bush's war, and is corrupt because she loves lobbyists
Hillary: can i talk
Leslie: by all means darling
Hillary: i don't mind attacks on my but when you go after my kitty-cat that's where i draw the line
Leslie: she's got you there pretty boy
Edwards: oh noes
Leslie: Franken-Biden you talk
Biden: Drugs!! Bad!!
Wolf: what else?
Biden: who among us is going to end the war and pick up the phone and order pakistani food in the District? In the 1970's i was ordering indian food while Edwards was still a kid!!
Wolf: calm down everyone but Kucinich will get to talk tonite
John Roberts: Edwards you are a big flip flopper
Edwards: yeah but i bend with the political winds and she calculates all her answers
Roberts: interesting
Edwards: you had a troll on CNN for the last debate
Roberts: well that's not a very nice thing to say about Lou Dobbs
Kucinich: as an elf i agree
Wolfie: Senator Dodd why is John Edwards so pretty and yet so angry?
Dodd: as the only white haired white man i can say people want someone as president who looks like a movie-style president and i am that man!!!
[audience: yay!!]
Richardson: my name is bill richardson and i am running for hillary clinton's vice president
Wolf: bold move
Richardson: give peas a chance
Wolf: i love them with cheese and butter and a knife
Richardson: that's what i'm saying dood
Leslie: will you all support the nominee whoever it is??
Biden: no and i'm not joking
Kucinich: no they're all warmongers
Brown: please hate on illegal immigrants
Obama: yes it's true George Bush is a terrible president Cambell Brown and yes it's easy to blame illegal immigrants for Bush's economy isn't it convenient how that works
Brown: so sad
Obama: we have to start tasing employers who hire illegals
Brown: yay
Leslie: let me ask you about the biggest issue in America: driver's licenses for illegals yes or no
Obama: oh my god Wolf you are THE dumbest motherfucker i have ever met
Leslie: yes or no!?!
Obama: maybe yes maybe no
Lesie: yes or no this is the most important issue ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Edwards: no - but let be more thorough
Leslie: no shut up
Dodd: no!
Leslie: thank you
Obama: can i say yes now
Leslie: huh?
Hillary: NO!
Kucinich: there is no such thing as an illegal person
Leslie: you scare me little man
Kucinich: fuck you wolfie you brainless twit
Richardson: hell i already gave licenses to illegal immmigrants
Wolfie: well but all your relatives are probably illegal immigrants
Richardson: this is complex-
Wolf: shut up pedro
Roberts: let's talk about a non-federal issue like firing teachers who teach students who don't do well on our fake tests
Dodd: i like kids and i hate bush
audience: yay!
Dodd: i started the congressional Children's Caucus
audience: did you ever wonder why Mark Foley attended every week
Leslie: do u hate unions?
Kucinich: no
Richardson: we need to have kindergarten last all day
audience: put mark foley on that too
Leslie: hillary what if there is a teacher who shows up for work every day and act like a total moron
Clinton: i'm looking at someone like that right now Wolfie
Wolf: huh
Biden: my wife proved she was a great teacher by leaving teaching to get two master's degrees
Wolf: yay
Biden: it's not like teachers are getting rich you know
Wolf: fucking filthy teat-sucking teachers
Biden: pay them more mone-
Wolf: shut up baldy
Brown: Biden you spoke to Musharraf last week for god's sake why???
Biden: Brown you have maintained CNN's perfect record of total shitheadedness tonight
Brown: thanks dude
Biden: in fact i don't like Pervez and i have a detailed Pakistan plan and no one else does
Brown: you bore me smart-person
Wolf: omg Pakistan has nukes and the taliban and really strong curries!!!
Richardson: we backed Musharraf even though he hates democracy guess what happened
Wolf: yeah a woman is running there oh noes
Richardson: hell Osama is in Pakistan
Wolf: shut up chunky
Richardon: no - i'm talking now you beadred retard
Wolf: so what you are saying is that you hate America and want this country to be nuked
Edwards: this all proves that Bush is really really stupid
Wolf: Obama do you want to see your muslim friends to nuke America
Obama: holy shit you are the dumbest bastard i have ever met
Blizter: Dodd do you hate America?
Dodd: jesus sugar tits Wolf Blitzer were you deprived of oxygen when you were born i have houseplants who are smarter than you
Hillary: i agree with Chris my god did the Republican party put some kind of implant in your tiny brain leslie???
Wolf: i have no memory of that
Hillary: obviously Bush has failed and now Pakistan is a total failure and very very dangerous
Kucinich: can i talk about Pakistan?
Wolf: no there are no UFOs there
Roberts: Iraq is a wonderful success why do you all hate America?
Richardson: the iraq war has caused lots of mental trauma
Roberts: well watching CNN will do that
Richardson: true but what about the rich Arab states
Kucinich: i voted against funding the war and the Dems in Congress should cut off the funding - period
Robert: america-hater
Kucinich: oh and by the way the problems in Pakistan are because of our assholiness all over the world
Obama: jesus christ people are on their 4th tour of duty and more americans are dead in Iraq and Afghanistan doesn't mean we should do cartwheels Leslie W. Stupid
Brown: China is evil and isn't that the Democrats fault
Kucinich: yes of course look at Yucca Mountain
Brown: oh right
Kucinich: Hillary and John Edwards voted for free trade with China
Biden: ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz
Edwards: we can't defeat Corporate Republicans and elect Corporate Democrats we must give the power to the people
Leslie: knowing what we know now should we all have voted for Ross Perot in 1992
Hillary: heh yeah then his daughter could have gotten married in the white house in safety
Leslie: was NAFTA a mistake
Hillary: yes - that's why i'm going to call for a time-out on trade
Leslie: what about instant replay
Hillary: that's another good idea
Dodd: suspend all trade with Peru and China!!
Obama: now hold on Peru is a little country
Dodd: well okay
Obama: we should send our own inspectors over there and review MNF every single year
Biden: we have power stop the chickens from sneaking into Delaware so lets do it or at least those freakin nuggets
Leslie: where should we put nuclear waste
Obama: this is the third time where you have said, 'assuming Democrats all suck and Republicans are good, who would you vote for?' and you should shut the fuck up
Wolf: okay okay
Obama: i mean it shithead
Leslie: okay don't hit me black man
Richardson: we need a Energy Revolution mandate!
Campbell Brown: you are playing the gender card bitch
Clinton: i am going to the first woman president and you can't stop me bitch
Brown: what's the boys club honey?
Clinton: campbell don't make smack you
Wolf: oooh cat fight!
Clinton: I’m very proud to be a woman
Wolf: is Hillary playing the gender card Edwards?
Edwards: she takes lobbying money
audience: booooooo
Edwards: fuck you all jerry tarkanian was a big cheater
Brown: do we want to invade Iran
Woman in Audience: should we have more war my son’s life is in danger dammit
Biden: no and hillary’s vote may take us to war with iran and if bush does that he should be impeached!
Hillary: there is no danger of people being deployed to iran but bush wants to go to war with iran which is dangerous
audience: oh ok
Edwards: I saw this movie once before and I don’t there to be a really crappy sequel
audience: yay
Obama: any idiot could see that resolution was an attempt at starting a war
Audience member: why is Blackwater getting rich wrecking our foreign policy
Richardson: no more mercenaries people should only kill for patriotism not money that just degrades it
Audience: applause!
Richardson: and a Heroes card when any veteran could use to go back in time before this shitty war started
Audience: woo-hoo!
Khan: I’m always being racially profiled it sucks
Edwards: that’s bad i pledge no more Gitmo or renditions or waterboarding when i'm president - the only torture which will be tolerated will be watching CNN debates
audience: yay!
Kucinich: you're all non-progressives unlike me!!
Wolf: ok that’s enough
Kucinich: impeach bush now!!
Wolf: shut up boat rocker they might hear you
Biden: no one loves me
Ambriz: buenvenidenos should be build a wall against brown people
Wolf: Bill you’re the only one here who counts who is against a big fence
Kucinich: that’s a fucking lie
Wolf: no you don’t matter dude
Richardson: you know Dennis i'm not actually in Congress
Dennis: you also can't win
Richardson: drugs and people are coming over but lets not demonize immigrants
Dodd: yo soy spanish speaker!
audience: yay!
Casino Cashier: my question is, do you want to double down?
Brown: good question
Cainso Gal: no really my question is do you support social security
Obama: bush keeps stealing Fica to pay for his stupid war
Wolf: Hillary what’s you plan
Clinton: I don’t have one
Obama: She's Hillary McRomney
Question: litmus test no overturning Rove Wade?
Dodd: damm right
Biden: I want a dog catcher who knows how to live!
Wolf: alma werfel?
Richardson: we need the Equalizer
Kucinich: we need a supreme court that conducts sessions on sex education
Obama: like Joe I would nominate someone with a lot of life experience
Wolf: how about joe biden then
Obama: you must be kidding he’s a been a senator since he was 17
Edwards: we need judges who are so unpopular they get death threats
Student: how do we unite America
Obama: hold a series of staff meetings
Hillary: I will go on a 4 year listening tour
Biden: people love me in Washington uniting America will be a snap
Richardson: I would get north korea to lean on Syria to persuade Israel to adjust the 1967 borders
Wolf: yes that will bring america together
Student: Hillary do you like liberal diamonds or Republican pearls
Hillary: heh give me both baby
Biden: diamonds -- pearls are for Republicans they go before swine
Host: that’s the end thanks everyone
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Meet the Press - November 11, 2007 Guest: Barack Obama
*********************************************
Meet the Press with Tim Russert
November 11, 2007
Guest: Sen. Barack Obama
*********************************************
Tim Russert: people like you but even Dems say you have no experience - why do people hate you?
Obama: i'm trying to tell the people about what i've done as a professor and activist
Timmeh: but Hillary was first lady of Arkansas - how can you compete with that?
Obama: I’ve been in office longer than she has
Russert: but Rudy Giuliani says you have no experience plowing snow or cracking down on brown people or setting up fake businesses to exploit 9/11
Obama: and i've never led a city to the worst terror attack ever - big friggin deal
Timmy: but Famous Black Man Rangel says you're too young
Obama: Mr. Hillary? uh-huh
Timmy: so?
Obama: i will push back against the establishment and she won't
Tim: you admire hillary
Obama: people hate her and i can be bring people together
Tim: what do you want to put in the past?
Obama: we need to drop the college dorm debates from 1967 and move on to a new century
Russert: you called her a liar
Obama: she's lying about the social security crisis
Russert: like what?
Obama: we have to make changes now
Russert: but you flip flopped on SS
Obama: no it just means i have opinions on this isssue
Rusert: shocking!
Obama: i will listen to other people
Russert: but how can you put things on the table?? What happened to “you're either with me or against me”???
Obama: that's Bush you idiot
Russert: no that's America dood
Timmy: you want to RAISE TAXES!!
Obama: only for the rich
Timmy: oh noes!
Obama: shut up timmy
Timmy: what happened to the nice polite black man we all loved?
Obama: this isn't student council president pumpkinhaid
Timmy: which Dems do you think are acting like Bush
Obama: hillary is moving to the right to look tough and if we don't present a different vision we're going to triagulate ourselves right into another war with Iran
Timmy: let me take your quotes out of context
Obama: i heard you were full of shit and it's really true
Timmy: anti war liberals say you didn't do enough to end the war
Obama: hey i was in the senate for 10 minutes and i read Condi the riot act
Timster: what else?
Obama: i prefer not to cut off funding
Timster: why do you hate america
Obama: i always rooted for us to win
Timster: and yet you have failed to show up wearing a big foam #1 finger
Obama: I’m waving my finger in my mind
Timster: how fast pull out from Iraq
Obama: a brigade a month for 16 months
Tim: residual force against al qaeda?
Obama: we need a few troops to protect our Embassy
Timmy: and our fleeing helicopters
Obama: exactly
Tim: a graceful exit
Obama: a timely egress yes
Timmy: Fred Hiatt says calling a bunch of guys terrorists is perfectly routine - why who would think that could lead to a war??
Obama: don't go there Timmy i love israel
Timmy: Fred Hiatt loves Israel more
Obama: no i do
Timmy: well there's where's your blue and white #1 foam hat??
Obama: look i would meet with the leaders of Iran and offer them carrots or else hit them with a stick
Timmy: wow scary don't hit me black man
Obama: that's the Chicago way tubby
Russert: will you pledge to attack iran pleeze
Obama: i will definitely go to war with this strange and scary middle eastern nation but first i will try to avoid it
Russert: Neville Obama do you want us to die in a balsa wood nuclear attack???
Obama: if we lost Buffalo i could live with it
Russert: please pledge to use nuclear weapons on Tehran
Obama: oh of course look at Nagasaki - it's been too damm long since we nuked someone
Russert: right on homey!!
Obama: i was being sarcastic lard-ass
Russert: you will spend the first year meeting lunatic leaders
Obama: yes i will meet with Mitch McConnell and John Boehner
Russert: but won't you be scared???
Obama: no today i'm not fearing any man
Russert: but Bush keeps losing propaganda wars to crazy leaders
Obama: but he's an idiot and i'm smooth as silk
Russert: you raised money from unions that's pure evil
Obama: dood you can't expect someone to run for president and not raise money
Russert: but you take money from people who work on Wall Street
Obama: that dood is a hot dog vendor!
Rusert: but he still works on Wall Street!
Russert: where are your records from the state senate!?!?
Obama: dood i was a one-man operation for god's sake
Russert: yeah but state senators are really powerful look at that movie ‘Maid in Manhattan’
Obama: good point
Russert: your BFF is a criminal
Obama: but he's only been indicted
Russert: sounds shady to me
Obama: i fucked up dood
Russert: john lewis says anti gay marriage is bigotry
Obama: i love teh gay rights
Russert: what about marriage
Obama: civil unions dood
Russert: your gospel singer singer says being gay is a curse
Obama: yeah but i have to reach out to the bigots and haters if we're going to have progress in this country
Russert: your wife says you have to win or iowa or it's over
Obama: heh yeah well i suppose that's true can you imagine if hillary wins those early states she'll roll
Russert: can she win
Obama: it will be hard everyone hates her i want to bring america together
Russert: and who else but a black man from hawaii with with an african name and who went to muslim school
Obama: exactly
Russert: good luck with that
Meet the Press with Tim Russert
November 11, 2007
Guest: Sen. Barack Obama
*********************************************
Tim Russert: people like you but even Dems say you have no experience - why do people hate you?
Obama: i'm trying to tell the people about what i've done as a professor and activist
Timmeh: but Hillary was first lady of Arkansas - how can you compete with that?
Obama: I’ve been in office longer than she has
Russert: but Rudy Giuliani says you have no experience plowing snow or cracking down on brown people or setting up fake businesses to exploit 9/11
Obama: and i've never led a city to the worst terror attack ever - big friggin deal
Timmy: but Famous Black Man Rangel says you're too young
Obama: Mr. Hillary? uh-huh
Timmy: so?
Obama: i will push back against the establishment and she won't
Tim: you admire hillary
Obama: people hate her and i can be bring people together
Tim: what do you want to put in the past?
Obama: we need to drop the college dorm debates from 1967 and move on to a new century
Russert: you called her a liar
Obama: she's lying about the social security crisis
Russert: like what?
Obama: we have to make changes now
Russert: but you flip flopped on SS
Obama: no it just means i have opinions on this isssue
Rusert: shocking!
Obama: i will listen to other people
Russert: but how can you put things on the table?? What happened to “you're either with me or against me”???
Obama: that's Bush you idiot
Russert: no that's America dood
Timmy: you want to RAISE TAXES!!
Obama: only for the rich
Timmy: oh noes!
Obama: shut up timmy
Timmy: what happened to the nice polite black man we all loved?
Obama: this isn't student council president pumpkinhaid
Timmy: which Dems do you think are acting like Bush
Obama: hillary is moving to the right to look tough and if we don't present a different vision we're going to triagulate ourselves right into another war with Iran
Timmy: let me take your quotes out of context
Obama: i heard you were full of shit and it's really true
Timmy: anti war liberals say you didn't do enough to end the war
Obama: hey i was in the senate for 10 minutes and i read Condi the riot act
Timster: what else?
Obama: i prefer not to cut off funding
Timster: why do you hate america
Obama: i always rooted for us to win
Timster: and yet you have failed to show up wearing a big foam #1 finger
Obama: I’m waving my finger in my mind
Timster: how fast pull out from Iraq
Obama: a brigade a month for 16 months
Tim: residual force against al qaeda?
Obama: we need a few troops to protect our Embassy
Timmy: and our fleeing helicopters
Obama: exactly
Tim: a graceful exit
Obama: a timely egress yes
Timmy: Fred Hiatt says calling a bunch of guys terrorists is perfectly routine - why who would think that could lead to a war??
Obama: don't go there Timmy i love israel
Timmy: Fred Hiatt loves Israel more
Obama: no i do
Timmy: well there's where's your blue and white #1 foam hat??
Obama: look i would meet with the leaders of Iran and offer them carrots or else hit them with a stick
Timmy: wow scary don't hit me black man
Obama: that's the Chicago way tubby
Russert: will you pledge to attack iran pleeze
Obama: i will definitely go to war with this strange and scary middle eastern nation but first i will try to avoid it
Russert: Neville Obama do you want us to die in a balsa wood nuclear attack???
Obama: if we lost Buffalo i could live with it
Russert: please pledge to use nuclear weapons on Tehran
Obama: oh of course look at Nagasaki - it's been too damm long since we nuked someone
Russert: right on homey!!
Obama: i was being sarcastic lard-ass
Russert: you will spend the first year meeting lunatic leaders
Obama: yes i will meet with Mitch McConnell and John Boehner
Russert: but won't you be scared???
Obama: no today i'm not fearing any man
Russert: but Bush keeps losing propaganda wars to crazy leaders
Obama: but he's an idiot and i'm smooth as silk
Russert: you raised money from unions that's pure evil
Obama: dood you can't expect someone to run for president and not raise money
Russert: but you take money from people who work on Wall Street
Obama: that dood is a hot dog vendor!
Rusert: but he still works on Wall Street!
Russert: where are your records from the state senate!?!?
Obama: dood i was a one-man operation for god's sake
Russert: yeah but state senators are really powerful look at that movie ‘Maid in Manhattan’
Obama: good point
Russert: your BFF is a criminal
Obama: but he's only been indicted
Russert: sounds shady to me
Obama: i fucked up dood
Russert: john lewis says anti gay marriage is bigotry
Obama: i love teh gay rights
Russert: what about marriage
Obama: civil unions dood
Russert: your gospel singer singer says being gay is a curse
Obama: yeah but i have to reach out to the bigots and haters if we're going to have progress in this country
Russert: your wife says you have to win or iowa or it's over
Obama: heh yeah well i suppose that's true can you imagine if hillary wins those early states she'll roll
Russert: can she win
Obama: it will be hard everyone hates her i want to bring america together
Russert: and who else but a black man from hawaii with with an african name and who went to muslim school
Obama: exactly
Russert: good luck with that
The Chris Matthews Show - November 11, 2007
**************************************************
The Chris Matthews Show
November 11, 2007
************************************************
Matthews: i want to fall in love with mah candidate!
Rather: we need a nice person as president
Matthews: Obama is too nice
Rather: right
Norris: he's smiling and she just wags her finger
Matthews: cool
Norris: as a black man he can't be angry
Matthews: i fear the angry black man
Kay: but as woman she has to be tough
Matthews: she's scary
Fineman: Obama is hanging back and playing it cool
Rather: he's black you know
Matthews: really!?
Fineman: it's not race it's about experience
Norris: bullshit fool-- it's always about race
Matthews: for once in America we cannot think about race - because Hillary is a hippopotamus in the bathtub
Matthews: Rudy is really likeable
Fineman: he's not scary like Jerry Seinfeld
Rather: he's like a steak he tender and tough
Kay: he's an utter lunatic
Rather: he's frank perdue it takes a tough man to make a tender city
Matthews: Rudy agrees with Pat Robertson that lesbians are behind 9/11
Rather: they want to win -- Pat Robertson will watch lesbians have sex day and night if that's what a takes
Matthews: what a hero
Matthews: why the love between Pat "I hate Pagans" Robertson and Rudy??
Norris: it's all about hating minorities and poor people and slutty women
Kay: anti-abortion activists can't stand Rudy
Matthews: so they will vote against him
Kay: oh no because Hillary will impose gayness on your children
Matthews: why can he flip-flop and Hillary can't?
Fineman: because you're a total asshole Matthews
Kay: he's selling fear of Osama and fear of the Vagina
Rather: that will win - Rudy has pledged to seize America's pure uteruses and convert them to Christianity
Kay: Virginia is the new Ohio
Audience: Meaning the Democrats will be leading and the GOP will steal it??
Rather: college students may not be able to vote for Obama
Fineman: i don't know which campaign will be caught in a scandal but one will
Matthews: why don’t you know?
Fineman: i haven't gotten David Broder's memo yet
Matthews: action on global warming?
Kay: no you americans are all selfish tossers
Rather: congress act - you must be kidding
Norris: it's like immigration it will be about fear and not doing anything
Fineman: electric cars? No they burn coal!
Matthews: so what's you answer hairspray?
Fineman: cars that burn wood that would be awesome
The Chris Matthews Show
November 11, 2007
************************************************
Matthews: i want to fall in love with mah candidate!
Rather: we need a nice person as president
Matthews: Obama is too nice
Rather: right
Norris: he's smiling and she just wags her finger
Matthews: cool
Norris: as a black man he can't be angry
Matthews: i fear the angry black man
Kay: but as woman she has to be tough
Matthews: she's scary
Fineman: Obama is hanging back and playing it cool
Rather: he's black you know
Matthews: really!?
Fineman: it's not race it's about experience
Norris: bullshit fool-- it's always about race
Matthews: for once in America we cannot think about race - because Hillary is a hippopotamus in the bathtub
Matthews: Rudy is really likeable
Fineman: he's not scary like Jerry Seinfeld
Rather: he's like a steak he tender and tough
Kay: he's an utter lunatic
Rather: he's frank perdue it takes a tough man to make a tender city
Matthews: Rudy agrees with Pat Robertson that lesbians are behind 9/11
Rather: they want to win -- Pat Robertson will watch lesbians have sex day and night if that's what a takes
Matthews: what a hero
Matthews: why the love between Pat "I hate Pagans" Robertson and Rudy??
Norris: it's all about hating minorities and poor people and slutty women
Kay: anti-abortion activists can't stand Rudy
Matthews: so they will vote against him
Kay: oh no because Hillary will impose gayness on your children
Matthews: why can he flip-flop and Hillary can't?
Fineman: because you're a total asshole Matthews
Kay: he's selling fear of Osama and fear of the Vagina
Rather: that will win - Rudy has pledged to seize America's pure uteruses and convert them to Christianity
Kay: Virginia is the new Ohio
Audience: Meaning the Democrats will be leading and the GOP will steal it??
Rather: college students may not be able to vote for Obama
Fineman: i don't know which campaign will be caught in a scandal but one will
Matthews: why don’t you know?
Fineman: i haven't gotten David Broder's memo yet
Matthews: action on global warming?
Kay: no you americans are all selfish tossers
Rather: congress act - you must be kidding
Norris: it's like immigration it will be about fear and not doing anything
Fineman: electric cars? No they burn coal!
Matthews: so what's you answer hairspray?
Fineman: cars that burn wood that would be awesome
Monday, November 05, 2007
60 Minutes - November 4, 2007 - Curveball
**************************************
60 Minutes
November 4, 2007
Host: Bob Simon
Topic: Curveball
**************************************
Bob Simon: this is “Curveball” doing the Electric Slide in 1993
[ cut to shot of Curveball doing
the white man dance]
Expert: he was the best guy we had to tell us invading iraq was a great idea
Simon: Curveball lied to teh germans in nuremberg about weapons for killing mass numbers of people and after all they are they experts
Expert: they loved Curveball he said saddam had balsa wood planes that accidentally killed iraqi workers
Simon: but there was a wall
Expert: that proved how wily the iraqis were - they built fake walls to make us think their Curveball defectors were fake
Simon: a fake ball?
expert: right
Expert: we asked him why would saddam let someone like Curveball defect?
Curveball: uhhhhhhhh......
Lady CIA expert: I said he doods he might be fake
Simon: what did they say
Expert: they said do you want the information or don’t you
Simon: did they call you a glorified secretary
Expert: i said how do you know that’s even him in the Hazmat suit?
Other Expert: he's like the sheep in the box in ‘The Little Prince’ he's the perfect source because you can't see him
Skeptic: of course
Tenet: it's teh Slam Dunk!!
Drumheller: the white house lied
Wilkerson: doods it was a dynamic presentation what could i say???
Wilkerson: i'm convinced Powell was convinced
Powell: Curveball knew it all you have to believe me!!! Look here are the drawings no of stuff no American has ever seen!!!
Weapons Inspectors: uhhh there's a wall doods
Simon: there was nothing there at all was there
UN: nope
Simon: well it's war then
Simon: he got bad grades in college
College Dean: he was on Double Secret Probation dood!
Simon: what did you tell him
Dean: drunk stupid and lying to convince the US to invade your county is no way to go through life son
Simon: sounds like a loser
Drumheller: dood just wanted a german green card
Simon: and now his life is ruined
Drumheller: oh no he's doing fine and he got his green card
Simon: well don't i feel foolish
Drumheller: don't we all
Simon: except for Curveball
Drumheller: yeah except for him
Simon: USA! US- aw forget it
60 Minutes
November 4, 2007
Host: Bob Simon
Topic: Curveball
**************************************
Bob Simon: this is “Curveball” doing the Electric Slide in 1993
[ cut to shot of Curveball doing
the white man dance]
Expert: he was the best guy we had to tell us invading iraq was a great idea
Simon: Curveball lied to teh germans in nuremberg about weapons for killing mass numbers of people and after all they are they experts
Expert: they loved Curveball he said saddam had balsa wood planes that accidentally killed iraqi workers
Simon: but there was a wall
Expert: that proved how wily the iraqis were - they built fake walls to make us think their Curveball defectors were fake
Simon: a fake ball?
expert: right
Expert: we asked him why would saddam let someone like Curveball defect?
Curveball: uhhhhhhhh......
Lady CIA expert: I said he doods he might be fake
Simon: what did they say
Expert: they said do you want the information or don’t you
Simon: did they call you a glorified secretary
Expert: i said how do you know that’s even him in the Hazmat suit?
Other Expert: he's like the sheep in the box in ‘The Little Prince’ he's the perfect source because you can't see him
Skeptic: of course
Tenet: it's teh Slam Dunk!!
Drumheller: the white house lied
Wilkerson: doods it was a dynamic presentation what could i say???
Wilkerson: i'm convinced Powell was convinced
Powell: Curveball knew it all you have to believe me!!! Look here are the drawings no of stuff no American has ever seen!!!
Weapons Inspectors: uhhh there's a wall doods
Simon: there was nothing there at all was there
UN: nope
Simon: well it's war then
Simon: he got bad grades in college
College Dean: he was on Double Secret Probation dood!
Simon: what did you tell him
Dean: drunk stupid and lying to convince the US to invade your county is no way to go through life son
Simon: sounds like a loser
Drumheller: dood just wanted a german green card
Simon: and now his life is ruined
Drumheller: oh no he's doing fine and he got his green card
Simon: well don't i feel foolish
Drumheller: don't we all
Simon: except for Curveball
Drumheller: yeah except for him
Simon: USA! US- aw forget it
Sunday, November 04, 2007
This Week with George Stephanopoulos - November 4, 2007
*******************************************
This Week with George Stephanopoulos
November 4, 2007
ABC
Guest: Senator John Edwards
*******************************************
George Stephanopoulos: what's your problem with Lieberman Iran Are All Crazy Terrorists resolution?
Sen. John Edwards: it's obviously an attempt by the crazies to gin up an attack on Iran
Stephanopoulos: but the Revolutionary Guards are bad guys
Edwards: are you crazy Bush is going to start a war with Iran
Stephanopoulos: but it puts pressure on Iran!
Edwards: no it gives Bush permission to bomb Iran
Stephanopoulos: but they are terrorists don't you care???
Edwards: i care about stopping Commander Stupid before he kills us all
Stephanopoulos: can you win
Edwards: i'm the only one who can win in North Carolina
Stephanopoulos: but the polls have you behind there
Edwards: yeah but I'm cute
Stephanopoulos: you keep hinting Dems would be nuts to vote for a black man or a woman
Edwards: look we have to win in 2008 and there are a lot of people who will only vote for a white southern male
Stephanopoulos: ah
Stephanopoulos: you have no money
Edwards: when i'm the nominee i will have beaten celebrities Obama and Hillary and then I will beat the rich dude Romney
Stephanopoulos: you remind me of karl rove why can't we unite America like we did when we all loved Rudy Giuiani
Edwards: i'm trying to unite America behind me!
Stephanopoulos: that seems so egotistical -- why can't you be a good democrat and be submissive and concede the election now
Edwards: i'm sure the media would love that but I intend of seizing the government back from rich elitists
[ break ]
Stephanopoulos: is Hillary's campaign dead?
George Will: she is slippery
Stephanopoulos: she danced around on illegals
Dionne: there is an angry minority will vote on this issue alone and so sad they would probably have voted for her and now they won't
Stephanopoulos: sure they would have
Dionne: it’s weird she owned that debate until the last few minutes
Stephanopoulos: what else
Dionne: Edwards needed to make himself the story and now he has
Brownstein: this is the moment to make a move it's now or never for every who is NotHillary
Stephanopoulos: so we can write her off
Brownstein: no she will be the nominee
Gerson: plus this is good because unlike obama or edwards she doesn't hate america and is appealing to all-important wingnut vote
Stephanopoulos: we have no women on the panel of course so we'll have to turn to the closest example George Will what say you
Will: when i was at the manicurist the other day with my girlfriends they all said they love hillary
Dionne: but when i was at a pillow fight Saturday the girls said they don't like that she wants to leave a residual force in Iraq
Brownstein: but i was at the salon and some of the women like Obama
Stephanopoulos: my black friends say that too
Brownstein: non-college women will put her over the top that's what my chick friends at the bowling alley say
Stephanopoulos: the country wants changes this is good news for the Republicans
Gerson: actually i disagree i think the Dems are clearly the change types
Stephanopoulos: well how can we save the GOP??
Gerson: they're in a funk -- they're bummed we need a candidate to remake the image of the party like we do every time we run for President
Will: all elections are change elections so yeah i expect the Democrats to win in 2008
Stephanopoulos: this is bad news for the Dems! Can they blow it??
Dionne: the Republicans are doomed
Stephanopoulos: will no one show the GOP love??
Gerson: look at SCHIP it's so dumb
Brownstein: all politics is bad!
Stephanopoulos: why is that?
Brownstein: it's the ‘Great Sorting Out’
Stephanopoulos: man that's catchy
Brownstein: we need a man to unite America!
Stephanopoulos: Rudy Giuliani!
Will: i want us to lose i prefer to bitch from a minority position
Stephanopoulos: what about a magic negro?
Dionne: but bloggers don't want that
Stephanopoulos: what do they want?
Dionne: Hillary cause she's a fighter
Gerson: this election will turn who is stronger on AIDS and malaria in Africa
Brownstein: there's a picket fence divide and you don't want to sit on the middle of that one
This Week with George Stephanopoulos
November 4, 2007
ABC
Guest: Senator John Edwards
*******************************************
George Stephanopoulos: what's your problem with Lieberman Iran Are All Crazy Terrorists resolution?
Sen. John Edwards: it's obviously an attempt by the crazies to gin up an attack on Iran
Stephanopoulos: but the Revolutionary Guards are bad guys
Edwards: are you crazy Bush is going to start a war with Iran
Stephanopoulos: but it puts pressure on Iran!
Edwards: no it gives Bush permission to bomb Iran
Stephanopoulos: but they are terrorists don't you care???
Edwards: i care about stopping Commander Stupid before he kills us all
Stephanopoulos: can you win
Edwards: i'm the only one who can win in North Carolina
Stephanopoulos: but the polls have you behind there
Edwards: yeah but I'm cute
Stephanopoulos: you keep hinting Dems would be nuts to vote for a black man or a woman
Edwards: look we have to win in 2008 and there are a lot of people who will only vote for a white southern male
Stephanopoulos: ah
Stephanopoulos: you have no money
Edwards: when i'm the nominee i will have beaten celebrities Obama and Hillary and then I will beat the rich dude Romney
Stephanopoulos: you remind me of karl rove why can't we unite America like we did when we all loved Rudy Giuiani
Edwards: i'm trying to unite America behind me!
Stephanopoulos: that seems so egotistical -- why can't you be a good democrat and be submissive and concede the election now
Edwards: i'm sure the media would love that but I intend of seizing the government back from rich elitists
[ break ]
Stephanopoulos: is Hillary's campaign dead?
George Will: she is slippery
Stephanopoulos: she danced around on illegals
Dionne: there is an angry minority will vote on this issue alone and so sad they would probably have voted for her and now they won't
Stephanopoulos: sure they would have
Dionne: it’s weird she owned that debate until the last few minutes
Stephanopoulos: what else
Dionne: Edwards needed to make himself the story and now he has
Brownstein: this is the moment to make a move it's now or never for every who is NotHillary
Stephanopoulos: so we can write her off
Brownstein: no she will be the nominee
Gerson: plus this is good because unlike obama or edwards she doesn't hate america and is appealing to all-important wingnut vote
Stephanopoulos: we have no women on the panel of course so we'll have to turn to the closest example George Will what say you
Will: when i was at the manicurist the other day with my girlfriends they all said they love hillary
Dionne: but when i was at a pillow fight Saturday the girls said they don't like that she wants to leave a residual force in Iraq
Brownstein: but i was at the salon and some of the women like Obama
Stephanopoulos: my black friends say that too
Brownstein: non-college women will put her over the top that's what my chick friends at the bowling alley say
Stephanopoulos: the country wants changes this is good news for the Republicans
Gerson: actually i disagree i think the Dems are clearly the change types
Stephanopoulos: well how can we save the GOP??
Gerson: they're in a funk -- they're bummed we need a candidate to remake the image of the party like we do every time we run for President
Will: all elections are change elections so yeah i expect the Democrats to win in 2008
Stephanopoulos: this is bad news for the Dems! Can they blow it??
Dionne: the Republicans are doomed
Stephanopoulos: will no one show the GOP love??
Gerson: look at SCHIP it's so dumb
Brownstein: all politics is bad!
Stephanopoulos: why is that?
Brownstein: it's the ‘Great Sorting Out’
Stephanopoulos: man that's catchy
Brownstein: we need a man to unite America!
Stephanopoulos: Rudy Giuliani!
Will: i want us to lose i prefer to bitch from a minority position
Stephanopoulos: what about a magic negro?
Dionne: but bloggers don't want that
Stephanopoulos: what do they want?
Dionne: Hillary cause she's a fighter
Gerson: this election will turn who is stronger on AIDS and malaria in Africa
Brownstein: there's a picket fence divide and you don't want to sit on the middle of that one
Meet the Press - November 4, 2007
************************************
Meet the Press with Tim Russert
November 4, 2007
Guests:
Sen. Fred Thompson
Tom Brokaw
*************************************
Russert: abortion what’s your position
Thompson: life begins at conception look at a sonogram of my recent children
Russert: abortion is murder?
Thompson: sure it is that’s my principled stance
Russert: but you believe states should be allowed to make it legal
Thompson: yeah well what are you gonna do
Russert: so murder should be legal in New York
Thompson: yeah i think it is now anyway
Russert: should two gay men get married
Thompson: well i wouldn't marry a man except maybe Ronald Reagan or John Wayne but why not
Russert: who should decide who should remove a feeding tube Tom Delay or the family?
Thompson: probably not Tom Delay
Russert: so there should be no laws involved
Thompson: well of course laws should be involved jackass
Timmeh: You're flying high with a drug dealer
Thompson: give me break do you know how hard to meet a guy with connections like that
Russert: no i don't
Thompson: look everybody flies in planes runnign for president
Russert: i don't think that's the point
Thompson: there is no proof that he has been using my campaign to run drugs
Russert: do you even want to be president
Thompson: you should meet him he's a cool guy
Russert: you look like shit are you dying
Thompson: are you're fat as hell
Russert: how's you're cancer
Thompson: i'm 100% cancer free as of today
Russert: will you release footage of your colonoscopy
Fred: hey John McCain and Rudy Giuliani are sicker than me!
Tim: fair enough
Fred: i have one of the good lymphomas
Tim: well you look awful
Fred: i expect to die soon of something else
Tim: thanks and good luck grandpa
Brokaw: i created a reunion of doods who lived through the 60's
Tim: far out man
Brokaw: even Timmeh from Nantucket who was at Woodstock
Tim: peace out dood
Brokaw: fascinating
Tim: hey i went in a Buffalo Bills jacket and a case of beer
Brokaw: you're so blue collar it hurts
Tim: why RFK and King
Brokaw: King was a true hero and Bobby changed himself and could've changed America
Tim: yur buddy was a Marine with a master's degree
Brokaw: he was a good man he was killed in Vietnam which really sucked
Tim: compare to Greatest Generation
Brokaw: the world was simple and black and white then and the 60's were so complex we still can't remember what happened
Tim: the drugs messed with our haids man
Brokaw: i still can't talk right
Tim: i still see UFOs and ask stupid question in debates
Brokaw: the horror of that time never goes away Timster
Meet the Press with Tim Russert
November 4, 2007
Guests:
Sen. Fred Thompson
Tom Brokaw
*************************************
Russert: abortion what’s your position
Thompson: life begins at conception look at a sonogram of my recent children
Russert: abortion is murder?
Thompson: sure it is that’s my principled stance
Russert: but you believe states should be allowed to make it legal
Thompson: yeah well what are you gonna do
Russert: so murder should be legal in New York
Thompson: yeah i think it is now anyway
Russert: should two gay men get married
Thompson: well i wouldn't marry a man except maybe Ronald Reagan or John Wayne but why not
Russert: who should decide who should remove a feeding tube Tom Delay or the family?
Thompson: probably not Tom Delay
Russert: so there should be no laws involved
Thompson: well of course laws should be involved jackass
Timmeh: You're flying high with a drug dealer
Thompson: give me break do you know how hard to meet a guy with connections like that
Russert: no i don't
Thompson: look everybody flies in planes runnign for president
Russert: i don't think that's the point
Thompson: there is no proof that he has been using my campaign to run drugs
Russert: do you even want to be president
Thompson: you should meet him he's a cool guy
Russert: you look like shit are you dying
Thompson: are you're fat as hell
Russert: how's you're cancer
Thompson: i'm 100% cancer free as of today
Russert: will you release footage of your colonoscopy
Fred: hey John McCain and Rudy Giuliani are sicker than me!
Tim: fair enough
Fred: i have one of the good lymphomas
Tim: well you look awful
Fred: i expect to die soon of something else
Tim: thanks and good luck grandpa
Brokaw: i created a reunion of doods who lived through the 60's
Tim: far out man
Brokaw: even Timmeh from Nantucket who was at Woodstock
Tim: peace out dood
Brokaw: fascinating
Tim: hey i went in a Buffalo Bills jacket and a case of beer
Brokaw: you're so blue collar it hurts
Tim: why RFK and King
Brokaw: King was a true hero and Bobby changed himself and could've changed America
Tim: yur buddy was a Marine with a master's degree
Brokaw: he was a good man he was killed in Vietnam which really sucked
Tim: compare to Greatest Generation
Brokaw: the world was simple and black and white then and the 60's were so complex we still can't remember what happened
Tim: the drugs messed with our haids man
Brokaw: i still can't talk right
Tim: i still see UFOs and ask stupid question in debates
Brokaw: the horror of that time never goes away Timster
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)