Sunday, September 23, 2012

Meet The Press - September 23, 2012

Guests:
Gov. Deval Patrick (D-MA)
Sen. Kelly Ayotte (R-NH)
Kasim Reed (D-Atlanta)
Joe Scarborough
David Brooks
Dee Dee Myers
Bay Buchanan
*************************************
Gregory: We learned Mitt pays 14% in
taxes which is a lot!

Patrick: now he should reveal his tax
plan for the rest of America

Gregory: a poor person who works at
Wal-Mart pays more in taxes but Romney
says that person does not take
personal responsibility for her life

Ayotte: Obama keeps giving people food stamps

Gregory: I see

Ayotte: let’s not forget Obama caused a
recession in 2007

Gregory: can Romney relate to poor
people or even non-millionaires?

Ayotte: Romney just wants poor people to
have better jobs and to stop being so lazy

Gregory: Romney says that poor people
are lazy victims who think they
are entitled to food and oxygen

Ayotte: he didn’t mean that - he just
said when he thought only his rich
friends were listening

Gregory: do you are agree that
people in the military who pay no
income taxes are victims

Ayotte: the debt is causing a rise
in food stamps!

Patrick: May I observe that my
mother was a saint and Mitt Romney
is a total asshole

Gregory: basically Obama is the same though

Patrick: oh do shut up Fluffy

Gregory: but isn’t Romney right and
government assistance is out of control?

Ayotte: let’s not forget Obama passed
health care reform which ruined America

Patrick: Obama added 4 million
private sector jobs

Ayotte: but rich people are sad

Gregory: does Romney really believe
47% of the nation don’t take personal
responsibly for their lives?

Ayotte: President Obama caused the recession!

Gregory: anything else?

Ayotte: no - that’s what this
campaign is all about

Gregory: blaming Obama for the recession?

Ayotte: yes!

Gregory: Deval shouldn’t poor people
be required to pay some
minimum income tax ?

Patrick: I’ve never heard of this - why?

Gregory: just because

Patrick: maybe

Gregory: isn’t it true that poor people
have no skin in the game?

Patrick: you know I heard you were a
moron but really people you have to
experience it in person

Ayotte: Obama is tying to divide Americans!

Gregory: that’s hilarious after what
Romney just said about half the country

Ayotte: maybe so but Obama didn’t stop
GOP obstruction

Gregory: the black caucus is mad
about unemployment

Patrick: understandable - but
we’re adding jobs

Ayotte: Obama didn’t fix everything
and is strangling businesses

Gregory: I’m sold

Ayotte: Romney has a great tax plan

Gregory: What is it?

Ayotte: it’s a secret but trust me
it’s a great plan

Guthrie: Romney says you only
care about teachers

Obama: teacher bashing isn’t going
to solve anything

Gregory: have we moved beyond
unions vs the rest of us

Ayotte: Kids First - Unions Last!

Gregory: ok

Ayotte: destroying unions is the
civil rights issue of our time

Gregory: Chuckie how is the election going?

Todd: Obama is crushing it in crucial
swing states - if he wins Florida, or
Virginia and Ohio he wins - basically
Romney needs to carry every swing state
plus pray for an asteroid

Gregory: wow

Todd: the reason Obama is pulling ahead
is that Americans are more optimistic
than they’ve been in three years

Scarborough: it was a rough week for
Mitt Romney but he’s going to do well
in the debates - I can feel it!

Gregory: good point

Scarborough: however between the
Libya press conference which was an
absolute nightmare and this 47% remark
Mitt is in real trouble

Gregory: David Brooks you say Romney
is a nice man who says stupid things and
runs an inept campaign

Brooks: Tom Clancy is passionate
about killing machines and Mitt Romney
just can’t fake that he care about
human beings

Gregory: can Mitt recover?

Buchanan: Romney was exactly right
- a lot of Americans are lazy and
dependent on government and Romney
will never get their vote

Gregory: he also said he doesn’t care about them

Buchanan: American have no jobs -
100% of Americans are dependent on
Obama to buy them steaks and malt liquor

Reed: Romney is a defective candidate
like a NASCAR driver who keeps
wrecking the car - he offended
auto workers, Great Britain,
old people and soldiers

Myers: he has no sense of how
real people live

Brooks: he nursed kids who were dying -
 - he's the mormon Albert Schweitzer

Gregory: then why isn’t he running a
compassionate conservative campaign

Brooks: because the GOP forced him
to act like a phony and a liar!

Scarborough: I truly believe if you
want to help poor people you cut
taxes for rich people!

Brooks: it’s pretty damn convenient too

Scarborough: Maggie Thatcher would
never have dismissed 47% - she would
have promised them trickle down jobs

Buchanan: Mitt Romney is a living saint
who has spent his life serving others -
just like Mother Theresa if she spent
30 years looting companies and
laying people off

Gregory: amazing

Buchanan: We are a nation of losers

Gregory: Bay if Romney is such a saint
why does everyone hate him

Buchanan: he’s a wonderful man and
running a great campaign and the
media and liberals are all out to get him

Scarborough: me and David Brooks
and the Wall Street Journal and
Rush Limbaugh are all out to get Romney?

Buchanan: yes - whose side are you on?!?

Brooks: Romney must go wonky -
there’s a true hunger in America
for more PowerPoint

Reed: well that’s nice but he hasn’t
proposed anything specific at all

Brooks: has Obama?

Reed: he’s proposed the Lots of
Really Good American Jobs Act

Gregory: please bash Obama for me

Scarborough: Obama has failed and
has no plan!!

Gregory: thank you!

Scarborough: Romney needs to tell us
how the Republicans will help ordinary people

Gregory: it would be a change of pace

Buchanan: people are on food stamps,
embassies are being attacked and
polls show the momentum is ours!

Gregory: do you really believe the
things you are saying?

Buchanan: yes - we are going to win
because we have a very clear message!

Scarborough: oh I’m very curious
- what is it?

Buchanan: black people are lazy!!

Scarborough: oh ok

Gregory: Ryan got booed at AARP
for saying he would repeal Obamacare

Brooks: Medicaid doesn’t work and
the Ryan plan is a good plan

Gregory: then why won’t Romney
embrace it?

Brooks: because it’s very unpopular among
those damn American people - many of whom
are still allowed to vote


Gregory: not for lack of trying


Scarborough: Romney has no courage

Buchanan: It’s Obama who has no
courage to cut Medicare! Also Romney
will add $700 billion to Medicare!

Brooks: we’ll solve the Medicare issue
as soon as America declares bankruptcy

Gregory: the debates are going to
be teh awesome!!

Scarborough: a week is a lifetime in politics
and that gives Romney several lifetimes
of gaffes before the campaign ends

Buchanan: Food stamps! Food stamps!

Gregory: and that’s another episode
of Meet The Press

***************************************

This Week with George Stephanopoulos - September 23, 2012

Guests:
Reince Priebus (Chair RNC)
David Axelrod (Obama 2012)
************************************
Stephanopoulos: holy crap Mitt Romney’s
campaign is going off the rails

Ryan: sure we suck but what are
you going to do

Obama: Americans are not lazy!

Stephanopoulos: Does Mitt hate half
of all Americans?

Priebus: Mitt Romney is a bit of an idiot
but Obama will take care of you all your life

Stephanopoulos: that’s bad?

Priebus: yes because giving all the money
to rich people give us all something to aspire to

Stephanopoulos: I see

Priebus: Obama wants to enslave your grandkids

Stephanopoulos: Peggy Noonan says
Romney is incompetent and a calamity
and needs an intervention

Priebus: I’m in love with her

Stephanopoulos: that’s nice Reince

Priebus: Romney had a bad week

Stephanopoulos: everyone watching knows that

Priebus: I agree that if we were winning
it would be better than losing

Stephanopoulos: expand on that

Priebus: we had a good week last week

Stephanopoulos: wait what

Priebus: yes because when Mitt loses
and Obama imposes socialism the GOP
will win in 2016 or 2020

Stephanopoulos: that is indeed something
to look forward to

Priebus: it will be great when we all roam
the land with bows and arrows

Stephanopoulos: does Romney need to
be more specific

Priebus: Romney very specifically wants
to cut taxes and raise pending and
magically cut the deficit

Stephanopoulos: I like it

Priebus: Obama didn’t fix the Republican
recession - wake up people!

Stephanopoulos: go on

Priebus: the Romney needs to be more specific!

Stephanopoulos: you are confusing me Reince

Stephanopoulos: does Mitt need to finally
reveal all of his tax returns

Priebus: poor Wisconsin voters should
get down on their knees and thank god
for Mitt Romney for saving the local symphony

Stephanopoulos: interesting point

Priebus: Obama thinks he’s entitled to win
and goes around meeting with black people
like Jay Z who is black and Beyonce who
I think is also black

Stephanopoulos: snap

Priebus: Obama plays small ball - we are
campaigning on the issues like Jay Z

Stephanopoulos: can you take the Senate?

Priebus: Harley-Davison, Miller Lite and
Tommy Thompson

Stephanopoulos: Hog, hops and hots

Priebus: let’s not even talk about Virginia

Stephanopoulos: yes lets not

Priebus: Obama caused the recession
four years ago!!

Stephanopoulos: thanks for coming

Stephanopoulos: is Reince right -
did Romney have a good week?

Axelrod: well he called half of Americans lazy
and manipulated his taxes

Stephanopoulos: for the win

Axelrod: poor Americans a higher
percent of taxes than he does!

Stephanopoulos: what else

Axelrod: Romney roots for American
treasuries to fail!

Stephanopoulos: dang

Axelrod: he bet against America!

Stephanopoulos: are his policies better
than yours?

Axelrod: Mitt proposed a 5 trillion tax cut
and more defense spending and yet he
won’t say how he will pay for any of it

Stephanopoulos: but unemployment is still
high after three years of Obama

Axelrod: It’s an ongoing project

Stephanopoulos: Bob Woodward says
Nancy Pelosi muted President

Axelrod: these are the Republicans
strongest arguments?

Stephanopoulos: apparently

Axelrod: the people of Massachusetts know
Romney best and they hate him

Stephanopoulos: why aren’t you winning more easily?

Axelrod: we will crush Romney and drive
his advisors from the land and hear the
lamentations of his fundraisers

Stephanopoulos: thanks for coming
***********************************

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Meet The Press - September 16, 2012

Guests:
Amb. Susan Rice (U.N. Mission)
Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu (Israel)
Keith Ellison
Rep. Peter King (R-NY)
Rep. Keith Ellison (D-MN)
Bob Woodward
Jeffrey Goldberg
Andrea Mitchell
*************************************

Gregory: good morning - things are
calm in the middle east now but the
U.S. is evacuating all our embassies
just to be sure

Rice: we were going to skip New Zealand
until those hobbits started getting restless

Gregory: how long until I can take a
summer vacation in Yemen?

Rice: look this kind of thing is to be
expected whenever a provocative video
is put up on YouTube

Gregory: just like the Piano Cat riots of 2007

Rice: exactly Dave

Gregory: was it all spontaneous or was
the attack the preplanned act of terrorists?

Rice: it was initially a spontaneous copycat
protest but then joined by guys with
heavy weapons which of course everyone has

Gregory: if everyone has machine guns
and rocket launchers why did you not
protect the embassy better

Rice: hey we have Navy SEALS posted to
the embassy in Libya - you may have
heard those guys are very badass

Gregory: why are we giving billions in
foreign aid to countries where our
ambassadors get killed

Rice: this has been going for 30 years

Gregory: that makes it worse!

Rice: we give this money because
it serves U.S. interests

Gregory: but our Ambassador is dead -
how is that in America’s interest?

Rice: yes but we bought condemnation
from the government

Gregory: in English maybe but in
Arabic they encouraged more protests

Rice: look we believe in supporting
democracy that we bought and pay for

Gregory: Romney said the U.S.
sympathized with the violent protestors

Rice: I can’t believe that asshole took
advantage of an Ambassador’s death
to try to score cheap political points

Gregory: he also says that
Obama is weak on radicals

Rice: yes - when I walk around the
U.N. cafeteria the other countries
say ‘ooh there goes that weak Susan Rice’
and then I whip out my iPhone tell
Obama to drop a bomb on their house

Gregory: Bibi says we have to
attack Iran right now

Rice: he’s always on about something

Gregory: so when do we attack?

Rice: we are mounting extreme pressure
on Iran - their economy is even shrinking!

Gregory: how did you manage that?

Rice: we sent top Wall Street banking
executives to advise them

Gregory: that was underhanded

Rice: Obama has united the
world against Iran

Gregory: sweet

Rice: but Obama is not going to dance
to Bibi’s tune - let’s get that straight

Gregory: and here comes Honey Bibi

Netanyahu: yo Fluffy

Gregory: you seem very anxious to attack Iran

Netanyahu: darn right I am

Gregory: is Obama stopping you
from bombing Iran

Netanyahu: no he isn’t and he won’t
- we’re going to attack any day now

Gregory: I’m jonesing for a war

Netanyahu: imagine these protesting
fanatics with a nuclear bomb

Gregory: bash Obama for me

Netanyahu: Obama said he wants to
stop Iran from getting a bomb therefore
you must attack them before they
get one - not after

Gregory: I hear you

Netanyahu: this is like the Cuban Missile Crisis
and that made a great book and
a pretty good movie

Gregory: when will you attack Iran

Netanyahu: they are in the red zone
and may score a touchdown

Gregory: good because I have
Ahmedinejad on my fantasy war team

Netanyahu: bad choice Fluffnuts

Gregory: will you attack soon

Netanyahu: if we threaten them enough
then we don’t have to  fight

Gregory: that’s very Karate Kid

Netanyahu: wax on Fluffy

Gregory: please say Romney
would be better for Israel

Netanyahu: you just did it for me Greggers

Gregory: now it’s your turn

Netanyahu: I talked with Obama the
other day and he said watch out for
that David Gregory he’s gonna ask you
tough questions like ‘how do you feel’

Gregory: I spoke with President Romney
the other day and he is very awesome

Netanyahu: well I knew him at Bain Capital
and he was kind of a dick

Gregory: what about containment for
Iran like we did the Soviet Union

Netanyahu: that wouldn’t work because
Iran is not trustworthy and rational
like Josef Stalin was

Gregory: if you say so

Netanyahu: if you don’t want start a
war with a large populous mountainous
country with oil and access to the Gulf
you have set new level for stupidity

Gregory: do you agree with Mitt Romney
that Obama hates Israel

Netanyahu: since Obama is leading
in the polls I must say no

Gregory: you just threw Mitt under the bus!

Netanyahu: I don’t want to interfere
with the election

Gregory: but you are the leader of
the Jewish people - American Jews
must have your answer sir

Netanyahu: here’s a shekel -
get a clue Greggers

Gregory: so is Obama an anti-semite
or is Mitt Romney lying?

Netanyahu: I don’t care which it
is as long as we attack Iran

Gregory: what’s the deal with all
these the protests in the middle east?

Netanyahu: that movie was reprehensible

Gregory: ooh you hate the first Amendment

Netanyahu: but radical Muslims are
also against women, free speech,
Americans and Israel

Gregory: that’s not good

Netanyahu: I’m not a Jew - I’m you!

Gregory: would you like to meet
with President Obama

Netanyahu: it’s ok he texts me all the
time and we play Wars with Friends

Gregory: you mean Words With Friends

Netanyahu: no I don’t David

Gregory: oh boy

[ break ]

Gregory: Dick Cheney’s daughter says
we’re not feared enough around the
world and that’s why we’re attacked

Goldberg: like when we were attacked
when her dad was Vice President

Gregory: snap

Goldberg: look President Obama does
not control how radicals view modernity

King: I don’t care what the fact-checkers say
- Obama went around the world apologizing
for America and then ruined our wonderful
wars in Afghanistan and Iraq

Ellison: those are all ridiculous lies

Gregory: maybe so but Obama didn’t
promote the Arab Spring and Winter is coming

Mitchell: every Republican foreign policy
expert says Romney embarrassed himself
with his idiotic statements

King: that’s not fair - Romney didn’t know
any of the facts when he spoke out while
our embassies were being attacked

Gregory: I’m convinced

Woodward: no American President can
control every mob all over the world

Goldberg: forget the angry Arab street -
what about the angry American street

Ellison: many Arabs love America

King: if we just kill enough people
around the world no mob will ever
attack our embassies again

Gregory: that makes perfect sense

King: the bombings will stop
when morale improves

Mitchell: you are very correct Peter King

Gregory: so true

Mitchell: the Egyptian President wants
money from Wall Street

Gregory: does the leader of the
Muslim Brotherhood really want to be
seen with people like that?

Goldberg: we know Muslims oppose
blasphemy but Americans support free speech

Gregory: who is tougher on Iran -
Romney or Obama?

Mitchell: Obama is a loaded gun
but Mitt is a loose canon

Woodward: Government Intelligence
is highly misnamed

Gregory: should Bibi interfere with our election?

Goldberg: Bibi is completely botching
this relationship

King: maybe but Obama is an
untrustworthy Israel hater

Goldberg: that’s stupid

King: When he visited the White House
Obama made Bibi sit at the kid’s table!

Ellison: Bibi said he and Obama have
a good relationship

King: you can’t trust that guy

Gregory: and that’s another
episode of Meet The Press
***************************************
Virtually Speaking Sunday
Tonight 9:00 p.m. Eastern time

www.blogtalkradio.com/virtuallyspeaking/2012/09/17/avedon-carol-gaius-publius-virtually-speaking-sundays
An alternative to the Sunday morning 'news' shows, two members of our media panel discuss current political and cultural developments from a progressive perspective.
Avedon Carol and Gaius Publius, plus Culture of Truth's Most Ridiculous Moment from that Sunday.

This Week with George Stephanopoulos - September 16, 2012

Host: Jake Tapper
Guests:
Amb. Susan Rice (U.N. Mission)
Christiane Amanpour
Martha Raddatz
Brian Ross
************************************

Tapper: Susan what the hell
happened in Libya?

Rice: it was a spontaneous protest in
response to another less spontaneous
protest in Cairo

Tapper: okay

Rice: a perfectly nice riot by a peaceful
mob at our Libya consulate was ruined
by a few violent extremists with
automatic weapons

Tapper: why was security at the
embassy so lax

Rice: hey two Navy Seals were killed

Tapper: but don’t we always Marines
posted to the shores of Tripoli?

Rice: they were busy guarding the
Halls of Montezuma and the
Corridors of Power

Tapper: of course

Rice: look nobody claimed Libya is
Arizona or Colorado or Chicago

Tapper: well it’s not as violent

Rice: that’s true

Tapper: three years after we elect a guy
named Hussein our embassies are being
attacked all over the Muslim world

Rice: hey that was a really offensive movie

Tapper: The Expendables 2?

Rice: look we are making real progress
in stopping the violence

Tapper: the government of Egypt sent
the protestors a fruit basket!

Rice: yeah but it mostly those
bland Washington apples

Tapper: nevertheless it seems inappropriate

Rice: we are very popular in Libya
except for our Ambassador being killed

Tapper: the U.S. has sent billions in taxpayer
money to Egypt and this is how
they thank us?

Rice: President Obama called the President
of Egypt and told him to get with the
program or be cut off from the money

Tapper: it’s just like the movie ‘Arthur’

Rice: Obama has provided calm and
steady leadership unlike that other jackass

Tapper: oh snap

Rice: the Grand Mufti loves us!

Tapper: how can we get these foreign
leaders in line?

Rice: we can do two things:
kick ass and take names

Tapper: thanks for coming ambassador

[ break ]

Tapper: what on earth is going on
in the middle east?

Amanpour: the Egyptian Muslim Brotherhood
is panicked about losing the friendship
of the United States

Tapper: what about Libya?

Amanpour: hey don’t forget Libya just
finished a civil war where the U.S.
toppled the old regime - there’s bound
to be some resentment and a lot of guns

Tapper: will these protest spread to the
Homeland or our Boardwalk Empire

Ross: it’s never too early to panic Jake

Raddatz: if you are trapped in an embassy
your best bet is to let the protestors
climb the walls and hang out for a while
and tweet how nice those young people
climbing in the window are

Tapper: what is the story with this
crazy YouTube video?

Ross: the filmmaker tries to create a
violent reaction and it worked

Amanpour: the filmmaker is not only an
extremist - he’s a dastardly evil guy
who pretended to be Jewish to
incite more violence

Tapper: that is twisted

Raddatz: the actors were told they were
making an infomercial for Oxy-Clean

Tapper: sweet jesus is nothing sacred

Amanpour: I need to point out that
Libyans love Americans and the
Muslim Brotherhood say they like
Coptic Christians

Tapper: well I’ll be damned

Tapper: why is the entire American Navy
trolling the middle east

Raddatz: you know just cruisin’
the neighborhood

Tapper: what’s up with the relationship
with U.S. and Israel

Raddatz: they met on eHarmony but it
may not be working out too well

Amanpour: Israel was hoping to goad
Obama into attacking Iran and he told
Bibi to cool it

Tapper: how close are Iranians to
building a nuclear bomb?

Ross: four weeks

Tapper: what?!

Amanpour: or a year or two

Ross: yes maybe a few years

Tapper: jesus you almost gave me a
heart attack Brian

Ross: how else am I going to get to
host this show?

Tapper: oh Brian you scamp

********************************

Sunday, September 09, 2012

Meet The Press - September 9, 2012

Guests:
Mitt Romney
Mayor Julian Castro (D-San Antonio)
Chuck Todd
E.J. Dionne
Peggy Noonan
Bill Bennett
*********************************
Gregory: good morning Mitt -
I hope you are ready for some tough questions

Romney: indeed I am - fire away David

Gregory: how awesome are you?

Romney: I am somewhat excellent
today thank you for asking

Gregory: do you feel like are more
fabulous or marvelous

Romney: I am more superlative
than Barack Obama

Gregory: how do answer the charge
that we have high unemployment under Obama

Romney: you have pinned me down
with your wily inquiries Fluffy

Gregory: just answer the question

Romney: we need more situations
where people are paid for working

Gregory: why is the stock market
doing so well

Romney: because that darn Fed is
going to print money

Gregory: you disagree with that?

Romney: business are ready to hire
millions of people - they just want
another rich white guy in office

Gregory: you said you will create
12 million jobs but economists say
that would happen anyway

Romney: Obama caused unemployment,
high debt and eventually a takeover from Europe

Gregory: look at this bumper sticker:
“Bin Laden is Dead and GM is Alive”

Romney: I love Seals

Gregory: we all do

Romney: My plan was to put GM into
bankruptcy and Obama did that

Gregory: so your plans were the same

Romney: yes but I would have
hired more teachers

Gregory: what’s your bumper sticker?

Romney: “Vote For Me You Useless Peons”

Gregory: Ann did Julian Castro hurt
your feelings?

Ann Romney: It’s true Mitt and I have
never had to struggle in life but I
once saw the musical Oliver!

Gregory: what else?

Ann Romney: I have MS so I have empathy
for all you people who are struggling

Gregory: go on

Ann Romney: I watch Honey Boo Boo so
the idea we can’t imagine how
America is struggling hard is ridiculous

Gregory: I love that show

Ann Romney: my husband is not a
heartless corporate raider dammitt

Gregory: have you ever spent time
with someone unemployed

Romney: I was speaking with a gardener
recently who sadly lost his job

Gregory: oh that’s too bad

Romney: well I had to let him go -
but I’m sure he understood -
I’m running for President for pete’s sake

Romney: I’m not here to stop the
rise of oceans or confront the ladies
of the lakes or halt the coming
of the river monsters

Gregory: sounds like you’ve got it all covered

Romney: It’s doesn’t matter whether
I know any poor people - that’s
just dividing America

Gregory: Governor I love you but what the
hell happened with Clint Eastwood

Romney: he’s not a politician -
he spoke from the heart

Gregory: his heart is an incoherent
unfunny hot mess

Romney: but genuine!

Gregory: what about Bill Clinton’s great speech

Romney: he destroyed me and my
policies - thus proving how bad Obama is

Gregory: you’re a Mormon -
is that wonderful?

Romney: yes I am very proud to be
a Judeo-Christian

Gregory: if you say so

Romney: have I ever told you that
I don’t like businesses very much -
I left capitalism because it conflicted
with my Jewish-Jesus faith

Ann Romney: I loved that now we have a
black who was elected President

Gregory: you said the debt is a moral
crisis but you would make it worse by
cutting taxes for billionaires and
raising defense spending

Romney: I would raise revenue by
eliminating tax loopholes

Gregory: what about the sequester deal?

Romney: Republicans should not have
agreed to slashing defense spending
and selling all of our aircraft carriers to Iran

Gregory: fair enough

Romney: I am going lower taxes
for middle class Americans and raise
them for the rich

Gregory: how do you do that Mittens

Romney: by eliminating loopholes Fluffers
- it’s marvelous!

Gregory: wow!

Romney: also it would lead to 23 million jobs

Gregory: fantastic

Romney: Cut taxes for all! More jobs!

Gregory: how do you do that

Romney: I have the flux capacity to do this

Gregory: I love this - name a
loophole you would close

Romney: [ laughing ]
I will raises taxes on the rich -
I promise - just trust me!

Gregory: will you balance the
budget in your first term?

Romney: no but I could do it in 10 years

Gregory: are you willing to make the
Tea Party cry by raising taxes ten cents

Romney: my principles are that I will never
raise taxes - my other principle is that I
will never tell you what spending I will cut

Gregory: I see

Romney: look my philosophy is to promise
more of what people like rather than less

Gregory: would you repeal the parts of
Obamacare to let young people on
their parent’s plan and the ban
pre-exising conditions?

Romney: gosh no - I would keep all
the popular parts of Obamacare and
get rid of the unpopular parts

Gregory: you would privatize Medicare?

Romney: we would let young people
stay on Medicare or not whatever they want

Gregory: how does that work?

Romney: competition!

Gregory: why didn’t you mention
Afghanistan in your speech

Romney: Look I’ve been to Afghanistan
and it’s really boring

Gregory: Obama says your are stuck
in a Cold War Time Warp

Romney: Obama let Iran build a nuclear bomb!

Gregory: ooh

Romney: Obama met with
Ahmedinejad and Kim Jong-Il or might
have if he had more frequent flyer miles

Gregory: are we less safe under Obama

Romney: Iran is not scared of Obama
but I will stop them

Gregory: how?

Romney: I will make it clear that I
am very clear about being clear

Gregory: how do you do that

Romney: I will use diplomacy and
go to war or maybe not

Gregory: will you try to overturn Roe v Wade

Romney: Fluffy I would prefer not
to answer this question

Gregory: give it a shot Mitty

Romney: I will appoint justices that
reverse Roe v Wade

Gregory: wow - are you willing to
be brave and bold as President

Romney: gosh darn right -
my popularity doesn’t matter to me at all

Gregory: that’ been clear for some time

Romney: my indifference to
human feeling is my great strength

Gregory: who is the real Mitt Romney
- left of Ted Kennedy or a severe conservative?

Romney: Here’s the truth:
I am not an android - I am a shape-shifter

Gregory: your Mom and Dad both
ran for office and lost - will you
be terribly depressed when you lose

Romney: no because I am very very rich
and also possess no emotions

Gregory: why should people vote for you

Romney: we can’t have an incomplete President!

Gregory: you complete me

[ break ]

Gregory: wow Mitt Romney bravely
came out against sequestration -
but Paul Ryan supported it

Todd: everyone is against sequester duh

Bennett: they are both right -
we must not cut defense spending
but we must courageously slash
for the National Endowment for the Arts

Gregory: Julian Mitt says he will cut
loopholes for rich people -
isn’t that progressive

Castro: if he doesn’t reveal what
those are how can we trust him?

Dionne: he’s either going to raise
taxes on the middle class or
slash domestic spending

Gregory: why no both?

Dionne: also his answer on General
Motors was totally incoherent

Noonan: Republicans fear that if
Obama is reelected they will be forced
to obstruct his every move again

Gregory: that is so sad

Noonan: Romney made news by
promising to cut loopholes for the rich

Gregory: what are they?

Noonan: okay so it wasn’t big news

Bennett: Romney made it very clear
that taxes will not go down for the
rich until after he is elected President

Dionne: he proposed cutting taxes
for the rich 5 minutes ago!

Bennett: that’s ancient history

Gregory: Romney suddenly seems
terrified of being on the side of the rich

Todd: Romney is sadly saddled with
the unpopularity of the Republican party

Gregory: the essential question is
who is to blame for the stagnant economy
- conservatives like Obama or liberals
like George W. Bush

Castro: we’ve have 30 months of job growth
- things are getting better

Noonan: Before the debates Romney
needs to announce he is actually a Whig

Todd: body language is everything
and Romney’s body says
“I can’t wait until this is over and I can get
back to my mansion in the city and
my beach house in Malibu and
my compound on the lake”

Dionne: the GOP Convention was about
businesses and the Democrats
were about families

Bennett: George W. Bush had many
failings but was a great President who
brought us the war in Iraq

Dionne: [ spits ]

Bennett: conservatives give their blood
and treasure to help people god dammit

Dionne: why is that the only people
who refer to their savings as treasure
are conservatives and pirates

Gregory: look at Julian Castro’s adorable daughter

Bennett: hey conservatives have kids too

Dionne: conservatives on the defense
on the military, foreign policy and
family values - who would have thought!

Bennett: Arrrr!

Gregory: And that’s another episode
of Meet The Press

***************************************
Virtually Speaking Sundays | 6 p.m. pacific | 9 p.m. eastern
Dave Dayen & Cliff Schecter 
Listen live or later: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/virtuallyspeaking/2012/09/10/virtually-speaking-with-cliff-schecter-and-david-dayen

Cliff and David discuss the conventions, and the campaigns going forward in our post-truth era.
Also Bobblespeaks's Most Ridiculous Moment

This Week with Geoge Stephanopoulos - September 9, 2012

Guests:
Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI)
Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY)
Mayor Cory Booker (D-Newark)
Paul Krugman
Cokie Roberts
George Will
*********************************
Stephanopoulos: OMG Obama is bouncing!

Audience: wheeeeee

Stephanopoulos: Paul you said America
is in decline

Ryan: yes we have rising debt, continuing unemployment and high poverty

Stephanopoulos: that is true

Ryan: Obama has failed to fix the
GOP recession

Stephanopoulos: what is your plan

Ryan: we will create 12 million new jobs

Stephanopoulos: but economists say
that will happen anyway

Ryan: we need to cut taxes, drill in
public parks and privatize Medicare

Stephanopoulos: fascinating

Ryan: these plans have worked in
the past and they will again!

Stephanopoulos: Bill Clinton says you
will raise taxes on the middle class
or cut essential programs

Ryan: everyone knows that our
plan will work

Stephanopoulos: perhaps not everyone

Ryan: we will take loopholes away
from rich people

Stephanopoulos: awesome - which ones

Ryan: Obama wants to kill jobs by
raising taxes on small business
with 500 employees

Stephanopoulos: which loopholes
will you close?

Ryan: Ronald Reagan would love our plan!

Stephanopoulos: which loopholes again?

Ryan: it’s a secret

Stephanopoulos: are you kidding?

Ryan: we need to have this debate
in public with input from the people
only after we are in office

Stephanopoulos: you are making no sense

Ryan: we don’t want to cut a backroom deal

Stephanopoulos: but you just said you
want to make a deal after you are elected

Ryan: Up is down! Black is white!

Stephanopoulos: do you really want to
take $800 billion from Medicaid?

Ryan: Medicaid isn’t working -
why give it more money?

Stephanopoulos: I didn’t know Medicaid
was so bad

Ryan: oh yes - also we need to keep it as it is

Stephanopoulos: um what

Ryan: states and small towns are
best able to provide health care anyway

Stephanopoulos: what’s your solution
to the health care problem

Ryan: states need flexibility to implement
their own creative solutions

Stephanopoulos: like with welfare reform?

Ryan: ha touche

Stephanopoulos: under your plan there would
not more federal guarantees of health care?

Ryan: feel that sweet freedom!

Stephanopoulos: Obama said you guys
have no idea what you’re doing
in foreign policy

Ryan: Obama has failed totally in foreign affairs

Stephanopoulos: he got bin Laden

Ryan: look Obama may have been right
with bin Laden, Iraq, and Afghanistan,
but Romney would cede all decisions
to the Washington Generals

Stephanopoulos: would you accept
10 to 1 spending cuts and tax cuts

Ryan: Obama ran up the debt!

Stephanopoulos: Bush got a surplus
and blew it

Ryan: we need to keep Medicare by changing it!
We need to end the debt by cutting taxes!
We need to avoid backroom deals by
making a deal after the election!

Stephanopoulos: you’re rolling

Ryan: Spending is bad! We must raise
defense spending!

Stephanopoulos: thanks Paul it’s been fun

[ break ]

Will: people have stopped looking
for work which means we are
really at 20% unemployment

Stephanopoulos: wow

Will: if Republicans can’t with these
numbers they should find another
line of work - perhaps competitive
lawn croquet or full-contact dressage

Krugman: Republicans block Obama’s
plan and then say his plan doesn’t work

Paul: I had a poster of Ayn Rand
on my bedroom wall

Roberts: firing teachers is just dumb

Booker: we’ve had 30 months of job creation

Paul: Roads don’t create business -
businesses create roads

Krugman: Romney believes in Keynes
when it comes to defense spending

Rand: that’s true

Will: we have too many damn teachers
also Obama is just like Leon Trotsky

Roberts: we should stop laying off teachers

Rand: are you arguing we have
fewer government jobs

Krugman: it’s a fact

Booker: what is the Romney plan?
It’s a mystery

Stephanopoulos: Rand why is Romney
so secretive?

Paul: FDR caused the Depression by
not saying nice things about businesses

Booker: yeah sure

Roberts: people love their tax deductions

Will: if you’re worried about uncertainty
the solution is not Mitt Romney

Paul: things were going great from
1929-1933 until FDR came along
and caused a Depression

Booker: that’s hilarious
*********************************

Sunday, September 02, 2012

Meet The Press - September 2, 2012

September 2, 2012
Guests:
Mayor Rahm Emmanuel (D-Chicago)
Newt Gingrich
Tom Brokaw
Doris Goodwin
Carly Fiorina
Tom Friedman
***************************

Gregory: good morning Rahm

Emmanuel: you too David

Gregory: with our bad economy isn’t
Mitt Romney the lesser of two evils?

Emmanuel: no because he would return
us to the policies that wrecked America
in the first place

Gregory: perhaps

Emmanuel: in Romney’s speech there
was no memorable lines or good ideas

Gregory: but that doesn’t mean
people should vote for Obama

Emmanuel: we’re adding jobs, fixing
the banking system and building
houses again

Gregory: Invisible Obama told Eastwood
to tell Romney to go screw himself

Emmanuel: we are only talking about
this old actor because Romney’s speech
was devoid of anything worth talking about

Gregory: yes but-

Emmanuel: shut up - I’m talking here Fluffy

Gregory: ok but you only want to talk
about Mitt Romney instead of how
terrible Romney thinks Obama is

Emmanuel: no shit stupid

Gregory: Mitt says he voted for Obama
and he’s very disappointed with that his
stocks have only doubled and paid 13% in taxes

Emmanuel: Romney wanted to cut taxes
for the rich, cut student loans, screw
underwater homeowners, and let
Detroit go bankrupt

Gregory: so you say but-

Emmanuel: zip it David - Romney only
cares about rich people

Gregory: a lot of people hate Obama

Emmanuel: hey Fluffy General Motors
is alive and Osama bin Laden is dead

Gregory: it’s not a binary choice
between Obama and Romney

Emmanuel: yes it is you dimwit
[ punches Gregory in the face ]

Gregory: stop hitting me

Emmanuel: we were shedding jobs when
Obama was sworn in and we’ve added
millions of jobs

Gregory: Newt Gingrich says Obama
waived the welfare work rules

Emmanuel: Republican Governors asked
for more flexibility and now those fuckers
are lying about it

Gregory: I’ve heard that

Emmanuel: State Senator Obama
reformed welfare in Illinois

Gregory: what is the plan for the
Democratic convention?

Emmanuel: four words: middle class

Gregory: what are the other two?

Emmanuel: fuck you

Gregory: there’s a wave of violence in Chicago

Emmanuel: shootings are down in
the last few hours

Gregory: ok

Emmanuel: normal people shouldn’t
worry since it’s all gang-on-gang violence

Gregory: but what’s the solution?

Emmanuel: If I have to I will start
shooting people myself

Gregory: thanks for coming

[ break ]

Gregory: Newt what happened
at the Convention

Gingrich: Republicans will make
lazy people work

Brokaw: Even the Wall Street Journal
thought Romney blew it

Gregory: uh huh

Brokaw: if I may quote Cuba Gooding junior
in Jerry Maguire ‘you complete me’

Fiorina: the Wall Street Journal is
a commie rag

Gregory: amazing

Fiorina: Romney would create 1 million
jobs by building a giant pipeline to transport
Canadian oil across America to sell around the world

Friedman: Romney was very specific
- but his math doesn’t add up

Gregory: Tom what do the American
people really want?

Friedman: to suffer

Gregory: Is Romney likable?

Goodwin: they humanized Romney but
people don’t think Mitt can relate to their
problems - Lincoln was a depressive weirdo
but most people in the 19th century were like that

Gregory: Clint Eastwood yelled at
an empty chair

Brokaw: screaming scatalogical
obscenities about the President was
a little bit of a problem

Gingrich: it was a disaster - if I’d
been the nominee this would never
have happened

Gregory: how would you have done it

Gingrich: I would have closed the show
with 100 poor kids happily sweeping the
floor like in “Newsies”

Gregory: what happened to Obama’s
hope and change?

Friedman: Obama never made the case
to Americans by bringing out Warren Buffet
to talk to the people about how awesome
it is to be rich

Gregory: Newt on inauguration night you
pledged to oppose everything Obama did

Gingrich: Obama got everything he wanted!

Fiorina: Newt will you marry me

Gingrich: give me six months Carly

Fiorina: Obama controlled the Congress
for two years and he failed to prevent
the Tea Party from wrecking our credit rating

Brokaw: I noticed that Paul Ryan lied
shamelessly in his speech

Fiorina: you lie Tom!

Friedman: No GOP official talked about
the surplus they turned into a deficit,
unpaid-for wars, drug benefits, and
endless tax cuts

Goodwin: Neil Armstrong went to the
moon with government money -
Obama should aggressively defend
government spending

Gingrich: I’m kind of a big deal

Gregory: well all know that Newt

Gingrich: Mika Brezinski and Joe Scarborough humiliated themselves at my ridiculously
named Newt Gingrich University

Gregory: I see

Gingrich: America is making millions
drilling in North Dakota!

Gregory: so Obama hasn’t stopped
drilling after all?

Gingrich: yes but Mitt Romney would drill
in Cleveland, Hawaii and the National Mall

Fiorina: imagine oil derricks in front of the
Lincoln Memorial - what a beautiful
sight that would be

Goodwin: [ palmface ]

Gregory: the GOP  is trying to address
the gender gap

Todd: Obama needs a big gap among
women - and he’s got it

Gregory: women vote - who knew?

Todd: Virginia is for Lovers Who
Love Ultrasounds

Fiorina: I was very impressed and
jealous of the women stars at the
Republican convention

Gregory: I can see that

Fiorina: Democrats belittle women by
assuming they care about their individual rights

Gregory: nice try Carly

Goodwin: Eleanor Roosevelt never
even mentioned FDR’s polio at her
convention speech

Gingrich: I suspect he was never
handicapped - he was probably just
another lazy Democrat

Gregory: Ann Romney told us to vote
for her selfless husband dammit

Brokaw: This is the Century of Women

Goodwin: one out 100 isn’t bad

Brokaw: the GOP loves mothers but
do they really respect women?

Fiorina: every rational person condemned
Todd Akin’s despicable remarks about
rape and called on him to drop out

Gingrich: not me

Fiorina: oh no here we go

Gingrich: Todd Akin sort-of apologized
but Obama wants to murder children!

Friedman: Fluffy I would like to thank you
for making the rest of us normal by
inviting this crazy person

Gregory: My pleasure Mustache man

Gingrich: Joe Biden is a racist who
wants to put black people in chains

Gregory: Romney also used the
chains metaphor

Gingrich: yes but Romney never talks to
black people so he can’t be a racist

Gregory: getting back to Akin - you
don’t think he should drop out
of the race?

Gingrich: of course not - Akin won
the primary therefore he’s just
like Marco Rubio!

Brokaw: whoa - you agree with Todd Akin?

Gingrich: I am just saying that Democrats
murder babies

Fiorina: Stop! Stop it! Stop talking!
Women don’t care about abortion!

Gingrich: the media are biased - they
only talk about how I called black people
lazy instead of reporting on the Democrats
plan to let the U.N. enslave Americans
and put them to work in abortion factories!

Gregory: and that’s another episode
of Meet The Press

*******************************************
Bonus!
Sunday Talk Shows: The Most Ridiculous Moment
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/virtuallyspeaking/2012/09/03/culture-of-truth-newt

This Week with George Stephanopoulos - September 2, 2012


Guests:
David Plouffe - Obama Campaign
Kerry Healy (R-MA)
George Will
Donna Brazile
Bill Burton (D)
Matthew Dowd (R)
*******************************
Stephanopoulos: good morning David

Plouffe: good morning George

Stephanopoulos: are Americans better
off than they were four years ago?

Plouffe: we’re recovering from a
mini Depression

Stephanopoulos: that doesn’t sound good

Plouffe: Mitt Romney is promising nothing
but tax cut fairy dust

Stephanopoulos: a lot of people
are unemployed

Plouffe: Romney will enact policies
that caused the recession in the first place

Stephanopoulos: so we’re not better off?

Plouffe: Obama is investing in batteries!

Stephanopoulos: ironic that he’s
running against an android

Plouffe: ha

Stephanopoulos: Pluffy should Obama
apologize to America

Plouffe: for what Stephy - health care
or ending the wars?

Stephanopoulos: yes those things

Plouffe: the GOP is only offering tired
platitudes like tricke-down economics

Stephanopoulos: Paul Ryan says he’s
going to save Medicare not raid it

Plouffe: he raided it!

Stephanopoulos: yes well know about that

Plouffe: Paul Ryan is sounding the
Second Coming of Claude Pepper

Stephanopoulos: Verily he will
Return Riding a White Golf Cart

Plouffe: Obama cut waste and Paul Ryan
would bankrupt Medicare

Stephanopoulos: Romney said under
Obama lazy people would get free money

Plouffe: it is interesting that Romney
can only win by lying and then
lying some more

Stephanopoulos: is it a racial dog whistle

Plouffe: all I know is every time that ad
runs on my tv my cocker spaniel hides
under the bed

Stephanopoulos: ha

Plouffe: In his acceptance speech Romney
never mentioned our troops or
Afghanistan - does Romney even care?

Stephanopoulos: what about Clint Eastwood

Plouffe: that was weird and hilarious

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: how did the GOP
convention go?

Will: undecided voters learned Republicans
want to cut taxes which I think we already knew

Brazile: I suspect a number of people
were very confused - and that was
before Clint Eastwood channeled
Daryl Hannah in Legal Eagles

Healy: we learned that Mitt Romney is
secretly a human being

Stephanopoulos: why not have testimonials
From people who like Romney instead
of Clint Eastwood doing a crazy-ass
version of Bob Newhart?

Healy: well I hope people go online
and look up examples of Mitt acting normal

Dowd: no one cares about a candidate’s
personal anyway

Stephanopoulos: are we better of than
we were four years ago?

Burton: we’ve created 4 million jobs

Stephanopoulos: but we lost 6 million

Burton: we heard Mitt loved his
family but what is he’s going to do
for other families?

Healy: he was very specific - he’s going
to cut taxes again, repeal Obamacare
and drill for oil off Florida

Will: don’t be afraid - vote for Romney

Brazile: no be afraid - be very afraid

Dowd: the real question is will the
country be better off four years from now?

Burton: in 2008 Obama said he was going
to deliver health care, end the wars,
fix the economy and rebuild America and he did!

Stephanopoulos: did he?

Burton: oh yeah!

Stephanopoulos: thanks for coming everyone

*****************************************

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Meet The Press - August 26, 2012

Guests:
Sen. John McCain (R-AZ)
Gov. Jan Brewer (R-AZ)
Debbie Wasserman-Schultz (Chair DNC)
Chuck Todd
Mike Murphy
*********************

Gregory: OMG the Storm of the Century
is headed right for the Republican Convention

Reporter: The Cone of Weather Silence
is going to smash Tampa

Gregory: incredible

Reporter: here you can see Isaac is
going to soak Florida with margaritas
and Gopher will overwhelm them with
his boyish charm

Gregory: Senator McCain God also
sent a hurricane to your convention in 2008

McCain: believe me I know - but on
the upside fewer people will see
Republicans speaking
on their television

Gregory: does it look bad to have a
big party during a storm

McCain: it would but trust me this is
not exactly a fun time

Gregory: Todd Akin is a little nuts but
he’s not getting out of the race

McCain: we’re gonna take this dumb fucker out!

Gregory: ha I love it

McCain: incredibly Romney is almost
tied with Barack Obama even will all
the stupid stuff Republicans keep saying

Gregory: Is Mitt Romney trying to reach
out to racists in his party with
his birther statements

McCain: no one has a sense of humor anymore
- Obama is black and may not be eligible to
be President  - ha ha ha

Gregory: Romney is not popular among
the human demographic

McCain: poor poor Mitt Romney has
been abused by Obama’s
big swinging spending

Gregory: so how does Mitt Romney win?

McCain: we have to tell young women to
forget about rights to their body and
blame Obama is they don’t have a job

Gregory: good luck with that

[ break ]

Gregory: Jeb Bush you guaranteed
a Romney victory

Bush: indeed he will win as long we don’t
talk about anything that isn’t good
for Mitt Romney

Gregory: abortion has become a big issue

Bush: abortion - what’s that??

Gregory: Todd Akin refused to leave even
after the GOP tried to have him killed

Bush: pay no attention to the zygote
in the corner

Gregory: does this hurt the image
of the party?

Bush: people only care about the debt
and unemployment which Obama
caused all by himself

Gregory: Mitt Romney is less popular
than he was six months ago

Bush: that’s because Barack Obama
is unspeakably mean

Gregory: what will you talk about when
you give your speech?

Bush: I will be setting myself up to
run in 2016 by talking about education
which everyone loves

Gregory: how exciting

Bush: Obama keeps dividing America by
saying people didn’t build things and
instead saying it’s all communal

Gregory: how sad he keeps dividing
people by talking how we are all part of
a larger community

Bush: it’s terrible

Gregory: Mitt Romney has 0% of the
African-American vote

Bush: but Romney is popular among white men!

Gregory: oh believe me I know

Gregory: will Florida’s vote-counting
incompetence ruin another Presidential election?

Bush: probably

Gregory: what’s the secret to winning in Florida?

Bush: drill for oil and let immigrants
stay if the get a master’s degree

Gregory: what about a bachelor’s

Bush: no way - I’ve seen the partying
at the University of Florida - those kids
aren’t learning anything

Gregory: what else?

Bush: cut Social Security!

Gregory: would you consider raising
taxes to tackle the debt

Bush: no that would be foolhardy

Gregory: but you say we need to find
common ground to solve big problems

Bush: right - what I meant was liberals
agreeing to whatever Republicans want to do

Gregory: of course

Bush: for example we could
compromise on cutting social security

Gregory: what else

Bush: we could all agree to cut the debt
by cutting taxes and regulations

Gregory: I like what I’m hearing

Bush: the reason the economy is weak
is because of liberal politicians like
that idiot George W. Bush

Gregory: how do we reform Medicare?

Bush: we must fight back against
demagogues and also attack Obama
for cutting Medicare

Gregory: so clever

Bush: the GOP is very popular among
old people because we promise not
give them the wonderful choice to
have a voucher program

Gregory: should we crack down
on illegal immigrants?

Bush: Obama has reduced immigration to zero

Gregory: that’s news to me

Gregory: meanwhile the GOP is
losing Hispanic voters

Bush: that’s because many Republicans are idiots

Gregory: would you like to be President?

Bush: I never think about it except during
Thanksgiving when Mom makes me sit
at the little kids table with all the other
losers who have never lived in the White House

Gregory: Obama blames the economy
on your brother

Bush: it’s very unbecoming

Gregory: so very rude of him

Bush: he should offer fresh solutions like a
jobs bill or invading a country

Gregory: what is the Bush family legacy?

Bush: at the Bush family we don’t
talk about the L word

Gregory: oh you should - that’s a great tv show

Bush: my father and brother may have
been terrible Presidents but I will learn
from their mistakes

Gregory: how does it make you feel knowing
they have ruined the Bush family name
for generations to come

Bush: [ sobs ]
I was the smart one! me! it’s not fair!

Gregory: there there Jeb

Bush: you can’t keep us down!
The Bush will rise again!

Gregory: thanks for coming

Bush: thank you Fluffy

[ break ]

Gregory: The Republicans have arrived
in Florida and Tampa is a disaster area
and also a storm is coming

Todd: the show must go on!

Gregory: this is a really big opportunity for
Romney to convince people he is human

Murphy: this is his etch-a-sketch moment!

Gregory: our polls show that 35% don’t
like Mitt Romney and 22% believe he is an android

Brewer: we must introduce Mitt to the people

Gregory: isn’t it a little late for that Jan

Brewer: people are too busy looking for a
job to figure out who Mitt Romney is

Gregory: Team Obama tore Romney
down with negative ads

Wasserman-Schultz: the GOP destroyed
America four years ago remember

Gregory: Bill Clinton won the election
at the convention in 1992 with an amazing
speech where he talked about hope and
didn’t have sex

Todd: that was unusual - there will be
no bump this year because $500 million
has already been spent

Gregory: what don’t people know
about Mitt Romney

Murphy: Romney never murdered anyone!

Gregory: well that’s something

Murphy: Democrats have thrown in the
towel on defending Obama - the whole election
is about whether Mitt Romney and the
GOP are acceptable

Gregory: meanwhile the GOP is reaching out
to people on abortion and immigration

Brewer: the Democrats are waging a class
warfare war on rich women

Gregory: um ok

Brewer: in Arizona we believe in small
government stopping people and
demanding their citizenship papers

Wasserman-Schlutz: this is a metaphorical
window in their soul of the GOP - and a
real window into the hard drive of Mitt Romney

Gregory: the GOP is alienating Hispanic voters

Murphy: I never read the GOP platform but
I did read the Democratic platform and
they didn’t close Gitmo like they promised

Todd: the Democrats have turned this
into values election

Murphy: Obama wants to make this election
about trivial issue like whether Mitt Romney
will turn America over to our new
Robot-Machine Overlords

Gregory: will he do that?

Murphy: the American people don’t care -
they only want to know if they will have a
good job when the Internet Devices become
self-aware and enslave us all

Gregory: no one fluffs like me

Murphy: we all know that

Gregory: Todd Akin is crazy and seems
to be hurting the GOP

Murphy: Mitt Romney will give every fetus a job!

Gregory: this race is dead even!

Todd: actually Obama has a huge advantage
in the electoral college - Romney must win
Ohio or he’s screwed

Murphy: Romney must now reach
out to independents

Todd: well he’s losing Republican women

Brewer: the GOP loves women and
all the women issues

Gregory: I see

Brewer: women want the Republican
economy back!

Gregory: Romney leads by 6% on the
issue of changing Washington

Wasserman: well duh he’s not the incumbent

Greg: how do you answer the charge
that Obama is losing

Wasserman-Schultz: he’s not

Gregory: I think Americans are hungry
for a Man of Action

Murphy: damn right - Ryan is a workout fiend

Todd: Ryan is a Congressman and
people hate Congress

Murphy: dammit

Gregory: and that’s another episode
of Meet The Press

***************************************

This Week with George Stephanopoulos - August 26, 2012

Guests:
Jonathan Karl
Gov. Bob McDonnell (R-VA)
Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa (D-Los Angeles)
Rep. Donna Edwards
Greta Van Susteren
George Will
Mary Matalin
*******************************
Stephanopoulos: OMG God sent a hurricane
to the GOP convention

Karl: Republicans expect torrential winds,
rain and a little Biblical flood

Stephanopoulos: what is their disaster plan

Karl: they’ve issued everyone one red umbrella

Stephanopoulos: will this affect the convention?

Karl: yes but they are used to it since the
Lord sent another hurricane four years ago

Stephanopoulos: the Almighty is persistent

McDonnell: The Party of Abraham defeats Isaac!

Stephanopoulos: did God sent a storm
because he hates you

McDonnell: no this weather only proves we
are better than Democrats because it
will only take us 3 days to nominate a guy

Stephanopoulos: former GOP Florida Governor
Charlie Crist says the GOP has gone
completely insane

McDonnell: Obama downgraded
America’s credit rating

Stephanopoulos: you want to amend the
U.S. Constitution to protect zygotes

McDonnell: you can’t pay attention to the
Party platform - those are just our fundamental
beliefs that we don’t care about

Stephanopoulos: I’m confused - are you in
favor of the Constitutional amendment or not

McDonnell: abortion is up to the states and Congress

Stephanopoulos: not if you amend
the Constitution genius

McDonnell: also the Supreme Court has spoken
on this issue so let’s drop and also amend the
Constitution or not whatever

Villargiosa: an adamant policy of no exceptions
for rape or incest is extreme

Stephanopoulos: but you just heard deny
McDonnell that is the GOP policy although
it’s in the platform

Villargiosa: yes I heard that white man spin wildly

Stephanopoulos: the economy is still bad
3 1/2 into the Obama Presidency

Villaraigosa: Obama has an awesome jobs plan
and the GOP rejected it

Stephanopoulos: what else

Villaraigosa: we need to raise taxes on rich people pronto

McDonnell: Obama is good family man with
a nice wife and adorable kids but he
increased the debt and doubled gas prices

Stephanopoulos: snap

McDonnell: Romney wants to train all Americans
to work in lucrative new jobs like private equity,
looting, layoffs and tax-offshoring

Villaraigosa: Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan will
raise taxes on the middle class!

McDonnell: Obama didn’t fix the recession
fast enough!

Stephanopoulos: thanks for coming guys

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: Does Todd “fighting ovaries”
Akin hurt the GOP

Will: he’s a moron but I thought liberals solved
all this with Roe v Wade

Granholm: Mitt Romney is running away
from his own party’s platform

Matalin: we need to get this dipshit out of the race

Stephanopoulos: you think Akin will drop out?

Matalin: I don’t care if he does- we’ll run a write-in
candidate if we have to and if that doesn’t work he
can meet with an unfortunate accident

Edwards: women are fleeing this crazy-ass party

Susteren: what the hell is a legitimate rape

Matalin: the GOP is doing just fine with women

Susteren: not younger women

Matalin: they don’t count

Edwards: it’s not just one crazy man -
GOP policies are hostile to women

Will: Sandra Fluke is some barren slut so
old she’s about to collect social security
so what does she care about contraception

Granholm: forcible trans-vaginal probes
are not small government

Matalin: abortion is very nice but Obama
is a Kenyan who will destroy America

Stephanopoulos: awesome

******************************

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Meet The Press - August 19, 2012

Guests:
Gov. Martin O’Malley (D-Md.)
Gov. Bob McDonnell (R-Va.)
Mayor Kasim Reed (D-Atlanta)
Ted Cruz (R-TX)
E.J. Dionne
Chuck Todd
Peggy Noonan
Rudy Giuliani
*********************************
Gregory: OMG the campaigns are
actually talking about an issue like
Medicare - that’s terrible!

Obama: I will protect Medicare from Paul Ryan!

Ryan: I will protect my Mommy from Obama!

Gregory: so how about that Paul Ryan?

O’Malley: Paul Ryan wants to privatize Medicare!

McDonnell: Obama caused the recession in 2007!

Gregory: is Medicare doomed

McDonnell: Medicare will go bankrupt in
a few decades!

Gregory: Joe Biden said the GOP is going
to put y’all back in chains

O’Malley: so fucking what

Gregory: but it’s so divisive!

O’Malley: Romney uses racist dog whistles
all damn the time

Greg: Bob how do you answer the charge
that Joe Biden is a racist?

McDonnell: sadly I must agree

Gregory: Romney says Obama is running
a campaign of hate

O’Malley: Romney is a big whiner who
constantly fouls and then calls foul

Gregory: Romney says he paid a
whopping 13% in taxes

McDonnell: Obama had a whopping tax hike!

Gregory: that would be an awesome
point if it were true

O’Malley: Fluffy who knows if Mitt
ever paid taxes at all??

McDonnell: Obama is a nice guy but he’s
failed to fix the Republican recession of 2008

Gregory: Obama would take $700 billion from
Medicare and Romney would make is a
voucher program for people under 55

O’Malley: a fucking voucher - how delightful

McDonnell: Romney is just being honest -
America is the greatest country in the world
and can’t afford to take care of old people anymore

Gregory: I’m sold

McDonnell: we have to cut Medicare -
also Obama robbed Medicare

Gregory: Ryan proposed the same
efficiency cuts that Obama made

McDonnell: exactly - Obama has blood
on his hands!

Gregory: I’m confused

McDonnell: America is awesome!
We’re broke! USA! USA!

Gregory: rock on

McDonnell: Obama just talks and talks
and Ryan bravely promises to give more
money to current old people

Gregory: unemployment is still really high

O’Malley: true but we created
more jobs last year than in 8 years of
George Bush Presidency

Gregory: maybe but he gave good aircraft carrier

O’Malley: should we give another
massive tax cut to people who make
millions of dollars per year?

Gregory: it couldn’t hurt!

Gregory: Ted you are an hispanic
anti-establishment tea partier

Cruz: I love Paul Ryan!!

Gregory: go on please

Cruz: Romney is admittedly intensely
dislikable but Obama isn’t creating
enough jobs

Reed: Ryan is a loveable right-wing nut

Dionne: true believers on the left and
right believe voucherizing Medicare is
a winning issue for them

Gregory: oh it’s on now

Dionne: The GOP has to decide if Barack Obama
is a socialist who is giving away freebies to the poor
or a brtue who is viciously cutting Medicare

Noonan: Ryan is good-looking and serious
but putting old people on an ice floe may
not be a winning issue for the GOP

Todd: the GOP brilliantly shifted away
from lack of jobs to talk about how
Republicans want to cut Medicare

Cruz: the American people are fed up
with Medicare maybe someday going
to people younger than 55!

Gregory: you go Tom!

Cruz: Ted

Gregory: whatever you’re only a nominee

Cruz: the government has its boot on
the neck of the people!

Noonan: voters are dissatisfied and crave
hope and optimism also someone
who will admit we are broke and
must privatize the social safety net

Dionne: if we’re broke can we at least
raise taxes on billionaires?

Reed: Ryan isn’t serious - he voted for TARP,
tax cuts, wars and drug benefits and none of
it was paid for as long as Bush was President

Cruz: he’s been serious about talking about
cutting spending since Obama became President

Reed: what a damn joke

Dionne: Obama is serious about talking
about cutting too!

Cruz: yes but I hate him so it doesn’t count

Gregory: Saint Rudy tell me about Paul Ryan

Giuiliani: he’s not as dumb as Sarah Palin

Gregory: win

Giuiliani: we have learned since the
Bush recession that government is too big

Gregory: what about Medicare issue

Giuiliani: it’s a risk that talking about it could
ruin the GOP but it’s worth it to privatize
the social safety net

Gregory: should Mitt Romney talk
about his taxes?

Giuiliani: I’m sure it’s a non-issue but he
should he should not reveal them because
it could be very damaging

Gregory: how do you respond to the
charge that Joe Biden made a gaffe

Giuiliani: I’m afraid I must admit that
Joe Biden is a terrible person and a moron

Gregory: and yet he’s Vice President and
you barely avoided prison

Giuiliani: I only said that because I want to
shame the media into making fun of Joe Biden

Todd: be careful - don’t underestimate
Joe Biden - behind those gaffes is
a sharp cookie and a genial genius

Noonan: Joe Biden’s gaffe is the most
important thing ever - but he’s also
loveable senile daffy old man

Gregory: imagine if we had a President like
that Peggy ha ha

Reed: Fluffy you are fucking obsessed
with this - does the name Ted Nugent
mean anything to you

[ break ]

Gregory: who’s going to win the election Chucky?

Todd: if Obama wins Florida Romney can
win every toss-up state and still lose

Gregory: yikes

Dionne: the base of the GOP are old
people who watch Fox constantly but
Medicare gives Obama an opening

Gregory: but shouldn’t we cut Medicare?

Cruz: absolutely!

Gregory: go on Tom

Cruz: we must save Medicare by privatizing it

Gregory: I see

Cruz: we must completely reform
Medicare so it will be there
for younger people

Gregory: in a completely different form

Cruz: exactly

Noonan: Paul Ryan bravely went to
old people in Florida and told them he
was going to give them another trillion dollars

Greg: brilliant

Noonan: the American people know that
America can’t afford Medicare anymore

Reed: y’all are crazy!

Todd: Ted you demand cuts of Medicare
and then bash Obama for taking money
away from Medicare

Cruz: but he gave the money to undeserving
lazy people on Obamacare

Dionne: that’s all total bullshit -  Romney
would re-open the doughnut hole

Gregory: glazed or powdered

Dionne: the GOP never liked Medicare and
have always wanted to get rid of it -
let’s talk about that!

Gregory: sorry we can’t - we talked about the
important issues of Joe Biden’s gaffe and
what Giuliani thinks about it so we’re all out of time

Dionne: of course

Gregory: and that’s another episode
of Meet The Press
**************************************************
Virtually Speaking Sunday 6:00 p.m. pacific | 9:00 p.m. eastern

David Waldman (@KagroX) & Jay Ackroyd (@jayackroyd) discuss
the past week's political and policy developments. Also listen for
Bobblespeak's Most Ridiculous Moment

Listen live and later

This Week on ABC - August 19, 2012

Guests:
Stephanie Cutter - Obama Campaign
Kevin Madden - Romney Campaign
****************************************
Tapper: OMG politics is so mean!

Obama: Paul Ryan wants Mitt Romney
to pay 1% in taxes!

Madden: yes but this would give poor
Americans an incentive to invest in the
very trustworthy stock market

Cutter: Romney will raise taxes on the
middle class by $2,000 just to give a
big tax cut to rich people

Tapper: it’s a fair cop

Madden: Obama wants to raise to taxes
on our Job Creators®

Cutter: they are Winkelvoss Twins of employment
-- if those people were Job Creators® they
would have created jobs

Tappen: Obama is very mean to talk about
Romney putting a dog on the roof of his car

Cutter: LOL that was hilarious

Madden: Romney is running a very serious
campaign about coal and Obama is dividing
America talking about his favorite chili

Tapper: I hear you but Romney does lie
pretty much all the tie

Madden: that’s true but Obama is a socialist
appeaser who will turn America over to
the Revered Wright and a bunch of Black Panthers

Tapper: Rudy Giuliani says Joe Biden
isn’t very bright

Cutter: did Bernie Kerik tell him to say that?

Tapper: Biden says Republicans are
gonna put y’all back in chains

Cutten: so what - Romney said Wall Street
was chained and shackled

Tapper: Paul Ryan said he would end
the gutting of Medicare which he and
Obama proposed

Madden: Obama destroyed Medicare
and gave the money to lazy people!

Tapper: nice

Madden: also the GOP bravely guts Medicare
for people under 55

Tapper: Did Mitt Romney kill a steelworker’s wife?

Cutter: no no no not at all - Bain Capital did

Tapper: did Obama kill Osama bin Laden?

Madden: No George Bush did -
Obama had nothing to do with it!

Tapper: thanks for this fascinating
discussion guys

****************************************

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Meet The Press - August 12, 2012

Guests:
Reince Preibus - Chair RNC
Gov. Scott Walker (R-WI)
David Axelrod (Obama Campaign)
Dan Balz
Rachel Maddow
Rich Lowry
Bill Bennett
Rafalca
***************************
Gregory: OMG Paul Ryan is now the
intellectual leader of the Republican Party

Audience: high praise indeed

Reporter: Paul Ryan is going to
campaign without Mitt Romney who
will spend more time with his money

Gregory: Team Romney outwitted
the national political media

Audience: unpossible

Reporter: Journalists didn’t recognize
Ryan because he was wearing a
baseball cap and also he doesn’t
usually venture out in sunlight

Gregory: I love it

Reporter: then Ryan snuck out the back
of a magic wardrobe in his house and
scampered through the woods

Gregory: he’s like budget-cutting
woodland goblin

[ break ]

Gregory: is this a game-changing choice?

Preibus: America is starving and hungry

Gregory: we all know that

Preibus: this choice shows that Romney
will govern as he campaigned - as a
soulless rich white guy

Gregory: Does Paul Ryan want to put
our elderly out on the street?

Preibus: Obama promised to carpet the world!

Gregory: plush or berber?

Preibus: saxony!

Gregory: naturally

Preibus: Obama ruined our credit rating

Gregory: I thought that was the tea party

Preibus: Obama wants to gut Medicare!

Gregory: Ryan wants to turn
Medicare into a voucher program

Preibus: yes but Obama will bankrupt Medicare

Gregory: my goodness

Preibus: Obama is filthy thief who stole
money from Medicare and gave it to
his lazy friends on welfare

Gregory: those are strong words Reince

Preibus: Fluffy we must save Medicare
for future generations by taking it
away from present generations

Gregory: tell me more

Preibus: Obama loves the sound of his
own voice like some uppity
voice-talking guy

Gregory: and that breathing thing
he does - it never stops

Preibus: we are truly blessed to have
these two white men willing to revoke Medicare

Gregory: Paul Ryan voted for TARP,
bailouts, wars and tax cuts

Preibus: That was completely different
- a Republican was President

Gregory: I see

Preibus: Democrat are criminals who
won’t cut Medicare!

Gregory: Ryan has no foreign policy or
private sector experience

Preibus: Romney ran the Olympics!

Gregory: thanks for coming

[ break ]

Gregory: welcome Governor Walker

Walker: cheesehead rule!

Gregory: let’s to some tough questions
- what is noodling?

Walker: Ryan’s personal life is none
of our business

Gregory: was this a game changing choice?

Walker: Yes - Paul Ryan is adorable!

Gregory: you think America will fall in love?

Walker: Ryan is a great choice and also
Mitt Romney is very courageous for
choosing such a principled nut

Gregory: People don’t want to change Medicare

Walker: Americans deserve better than
a boring national conversation about Medicare

Gregory: it seems like a problem

Walker: don’t worry Fluffers -
Mitt Romney will protect Medicare
from the likes of Paul Ryan

Gregory: I feel so much better now

Walker: Obama won’t protect future
children from current greedy elderly people

Gregory: Do people care more about
the debt or do they want Social Security
and Medicare?

Walker: I am not the second Governor
ever recalled from office

Gregory: winning!

Walker: Romney is very bold for
choosing such a divisive figure as Paul Ryan

Gregory: Can Ryan even carry his home state?

Walker: if he doesn’t it’s because
we’re a certified Blue State®

Gregory: how do you win Wisconsin?

Walker: Noodles!

[ break ]

Gregory: how about Paul Ryan?

Axelrod: Ryan would cut funding for
medical research and nursing homes and
instead give rich people trillions of dollars

Gregory: Paul Ryan would respond to
you by saying DEBT CRISIS

Axelrod: uh huh

Gregory: Ryan says we must destroy the
program in order to save it

Axelrod: Fluffy Obama added eight
years to life of Medicare

Gregory: well that’s not enough

Axelrod: Gingrich called the Ryan plan
right-wing social engineering

Gregory: good - America needs more engineers

Axelrod: Ryan voted for tax cuts,
more wars, bailouts and now he wants
… moar tax cuts!

Gregory: Ryan says Obama had 24
months to fix the Republican recession
and he failed

Axelrod: the GOP gave Obama an
economy shedding 800,000 jobs per month

Gregory: that’s all in the past

Axelrod: the GOP wants to double down on
the ideas that caused a Depression
in the first place

Gregory: forget the petty arguments over unemployment - what is this election all about?

Axelrod: saving the middle class or crushing it

Gregory: Romney says Obama is
very mean for a Super PAC ad saying
a guy was laid off by Bain and he
lost his health insurance and his wife died

Axelrod: here’s the thing about that ad
- it’s all true

Gregory: well it’s not very polite

Axelrod: Meanwhile Romney approved
a totally false ad saying Obama wants
to give welfare money away to undeserving
lazy people

Gregory: speaking of that - our
expert panel is coming up next

[ break ]

Gregory: OMG we’re all in love with Ryan!!

Todd: Mitt 2.0 needed a re-boot

Gregory: I love it

Todd: Romney did some internal polling
and found that after he has campaigned
for six months and no one likes him

Balz: This was as they say a
moment of clarity

Gregory: sweet

Balz: the debate is going to be teh awesome!

Gregory: liberals and conservatives both
love how polarizing Ryan is

Maddow: liberals want the election to
be a choice between keeping Medicare
or getting rid of it

Bennett: I’m begging the American people
to pause for a minute and not reject
Ryan’s crazy ideas out of hand

Gregory: that’s fair

Bennett: you’re gonna have to deal
with Ryan now bitches! It’s on!

Lowry: conservatives are thrilled with
this choice since Romney is a clearly a
loser and a weak candidate

Lowry: Obama accused Romney of
killing people but he has blood on his
hands because he takes money from Medicare

Maddow: Ryan’s plan does that too!

Lowry: but Romney is the nominee so
that doesn’t matter

Maddow: that’s amazing - Ryan is
simultaneously a conservative superhero
for budget-cutting but his budget ideas
are also irrelevant?

Lowry: that’s my story and I’m sticking with it

Todd: um what the fuck Rich?

Lowry: We must cut medicare!
Obama cuts medicare!

Balz: even Republicans can’t stand
Ryan’s batshit ideas

Bennett: Paul Ryan turned Alice Rivlin
into a vampire and she’s perfectly happy

Maddow: we cannot rely solely on the
contentment level of the reluctant undead

Bennett: under Ryan’s bold visionary
plan people could stay on Medicare
if they wanted to

Gregory: well I’m sold

Gregory: Chucky can Romney-Ryan win?

Todd: there are old people in Florida,
Iowa and Pennsylvania and they
kind of like Medicare

Bennett: Obama is wrecking the country

Gregory: I see

Bennett: Romney is like Ronald Reagan

Reagan: don’t drag me into this Bill

Gregory: are voters yearning for
cutting spending?

Maddow: Ryan’s plan is to cut taxes
for rich people and MAGIC

Lowry: everyone knows that when you
cut taxes for rich people revenues go up

Gregory: everyone?

Lowry: yes - look at how popular
Simpson-Bowles is

Maddow: Paul Ryan rejected Simpson-Bowles because it slightly raised taxes

Lowry: Rachel do you support cutting
funds for Medicare - yes or no!

Maddow: I’m not running for office
- Paul Ryan is

Lowry: but only for Vice President -
no one cares about that - now I demand
you answer my question

Gregory: Bill tell me something wonderful
about Paul Ryan

Bennett: when I first met Ryan I told him
I liked sex and drugs and Paul said
no thanks I’m only into money

Gregory: that’s wonderful - what else

Bennett: he’s 2,000 years old, sleeps
underground, has his original heart
and never shot a man in the face

Gregory: what a dreamboat!

[ break ]

Gregory: hi Rafalca

Rafalca: nice to see you Fluffy

Gregory: how were the Olympic games

Rafalca: they were amazing - marching
the opening ceremonies was incredible
although when I saw all those Mary Poppins
I nearly plopped one on the track

Gregory: should you be exempt from
taxes on your Olympic winnings

Rafalca: that doesn’t concern me since
I’m actually a corporation registered
in the Cayman Islands

Gregory: should Mitt release his taxes
about you?

Rafalca: don’t drag me into this -
I’m just a horse who loves to dance

Gregory: what does the future hold for you

Rafalca: I’m aiming to do the hokey-pokey in Rio

Gregory: and that’s another episode
of Meet The Press
*****************************************

Virtually Speaking Sundays


Marcy Wheeler (@emptywheel) and Avedon Carol (@Avedon_Says )
discuss developments of the week, including Mitt Romney's selection of
Paul Ryan on the GOP ticket. Featuring Culture of Truth's weekly commentary
on the Sunday News Shows: The Most Ridiculous Thing that happened this Sunday.
6:00 p.m. pacific | 9:00 p.m. eastern
Listen live and later at BlogTalkRadio

This Week with George Stephanopoulos - August 12, 2012

Guests:
Fmr. Gov. Tim Pawlenty (R-MN)
David Axelrod (Obama Campaign)
Lt. Gov. Gavin Newsom (D-CA)
Howard Dean
Paul Gigot
Cokie Roberts 
Peggy Noonan
******************************
Stephanopoulos: wow Romney chose
Paul Ryan to be his Vice President!

Karl: ha Paul Ryan snuck through his
back door into the woods -
the media had no clue

Stephanopoulos: we all know that

Karl: it’s not everyone who can fool
the Beltway media

Stephanopoulos: Ryan has energized
this campaign!

Karl: it’s so on now right now!

Stephanopoulos: but they aren’t
campaigning together

Karl: it’s divide and conquer

Stephanopoulos: do even know
what ‘divide and conquers means?

Karl: um

Stephanopoulos: Axel what
about Paul Ryan?

Axelrod: he’s a scary right-wing
ideologue who would defund
science and education

Stephanopoulos: science is overrated

Axelrod: did I mention he wants
to privatize social security

Stephanopoulos: Ryan is going right
after Obama - does that scare you

Axelrod: Ryan would raise taxes on
the middle class and give rich
people a big tax cut

Stephanopoulos: Mitt Romney says
they will save Medicare from Obama
who steals money from it

Axelrod: Romney’s plan does the same thing

Stephanopoulos: but Paul Ryan
is the nominee now

Axelrod: they also turn Medicare
into a voucher program

Stephanopoulos: that’s good because
Americans love to clip coupons

Axelrod: Ryan doesn’t even think
Medicare should exist

Stephanopoulos: will Ryan carry swing states?

Axelrod: only those that hate women,
medical research and the middle class

Stephanopoulos: a Super PAC ad implies
Romney was responsible for
an employee’s wife’s death

Axelrod: Romney approved an ad that
lies about welfare

Stephanopoulos: still it’s very mean

Axelrod: it’s all true though

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: Tim you are two-time
loser in the race for Vice President -
no offense but that’s kind of pathetic

Pawlenty: [ sobs ]

Stephanopoulos: you must have a sad

Pawlenty: Obama is not an adult

Stephanopoulos: is Paul Ryan an extremist?

Pawlenty: the American people love
people who tell them hard truths
and give money to rich people

Stephanopoulos: that is so true

Pawlenty: the American people realized
the debt is important in January of 2009

Stephanopoulos: of course

Pawlenty: Obama is the real extremist
for cutting $700 billion from Medicare

Stephanopoulos: what about the Ryan plan?

Pawlenty: under Ryan’s plan people
could still stay on Medicare if they want

Stephanopoulos: with $6,000 less

Pawlenty: you would think the President
would have the courage to cut
Medicare but he won’t

Stephanopoulos: you just accused him
of cutting $700 billion from Medicare

Pawlenty: see - he’s evil!

Stephanopoulos: Ryan is only a
House member and he’s spent life
inside the Beltway

Pawlenty: don’t worry - Romney and Ryan
have got the Bush foreign policy
team advising them

Stephanopoulos: what a relief

Pawlenty: Romney knows all about
foreign countries - he has bank
accounts all over the world!

Stephanopoulos: is Romney lying about
Obama moving people from welfare to work?

Pawlenty: it would be very easy for
Obama to clear this up - just release
the President’s orders!

Stephanopoulos:  heh

Pawlenty: Obama should have the
basic decency to take responsibility
for a Super PAC ad he isn’t responsible for

Stephanopoulos: will picking Ryan
change the tone of the campaign?

Pawlenty: Obama surrendered to Russia,
betrayed the Czech republic
and keeps raising taxes

Stephanopoulos: actually Obama has cut taxes

Pawlenty: not in my mind

Stephanopoulos: did you give Mitt
more than 2 years of tax returns

Pawlenty: damn right I did

Stephanopoulos: sorry about losing again loser

Pawlenty: [ sobs ]

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: you really wanted
Paul Ryan didn’t you

Gigot: I’ve known him since he was
22 years old and Ryan is one of the
most serious and thoughtful vampires I’ve met

Stephanopoulos: oh good

Gigot: Romney cannot win this election
attacking Obama so he turned to
Paul Ryan to close the deal

Dean: hey I’ve got a great idea -
let’s turn Medicare into a voucher program!

Stephanopoulos: Mitt went with his instincts

Noonan: when Romney was with Bain
he had a great eye for those who
could best suck the life out of companies

Newsom: he’s a young good-looking
policy wonk - what’s not to like?

Stephanopoulos: that says it all Gavin

Newsom: except for alienating all
old people - and also young people

Roberts: even Catholic bishops attacked Paul Ryan’s budget

Gigot: Obama cut $700 billion from Medicare!

Newsom: So does Ryan

Gigot: Obama wants unelected panelists
to cut Medicare - only unelected
judges should do that

Dean: Romney’s big problem is that
people think he’s heartless and doesn’t
care about them - I don’t think bringing
on a zombie is going to help

Noonan: Spending is out of control
since 2009!!

Stephanopoulos: wow

Noonan: Ryan must tell old people he
is trying to save Medicare for their
grandchildren by getting rid of it for
their ungrateful children

Roberts: also he must bravely tell rich
people he is willing cut their taxes

Gigot: Romney has been very specific
that he will end loopholes

Dean: name one

Gigot: quit bugging me

Dean: Get rid of Medicare! Are we insane?

Roberts: but Ryan is a good looking young man

Newsom: that is true

Newsom: Ryan wants to cut taxes for
rich people another thirty percent

Noonan: blue collar workers ruined California!

Stephanopoulos: do tell Peggy

Noonan: the left and right all know we
must embrace Paul Ryan’s serious plan
of wars, tax cuts, bailouts, pork for his
district and ending Medicare

Gigot: Ryan’s plan is just like Simpson Bowles
except without higher taxes to pay for stuff

Dean: the man is a radical and a nut

Noonan: it’s a busy bouncy tweeting
world not worthy of a man like
Saint Paul of Janesville

Roberts: ending Medicare is open
to mean demagoguery

Gigot: America is in decline therefore
we need to turn Medicare into
a voucher program

Roberts: Do people think Romney
cares about them?

Gigot: certainly - some of his best friends
know some regular poor people

Noonan: Democrats want to kill Paul Ryan

Roberts: I like Ryan - he’s cute

Noonan: he’s not the type of person who
would push his grandmother off a cliff -
at least not without a good reason

Newsom: forget demagoguery -
the facts are scary enough

Roberts: Obama has a ridiculous ad with
silly women talking about their
“reproductive rights” - it’s pandering!

Stephanopoulos: what should he have done

Roberts: Obama should run an ad
taking credit for U.S. female Olympic athletes

Noonan: the British disappointed me
by throwing the Queen out of a helicopter

Stephanopoulos: and there really is
nothing more to be said

**********************************