Wednesday, October 28, 2015

This Week with George Stephanopoulos – October 25, 2015

David Wright
Tom Llama
Donald Trump
John Podesta
Gen. John Campbell – Cmdr. U.S. Forces in Afghanistan
Jennifer Granholm
Mark Halperin
Jon Heilemann
Ana Navarro

Stephanopoulos: OMG there were 
fireworks in Iowa

Wright: oh wow Bernie Sanders 
went after Clinton!

Wright: but Clinton was introduced 
by Katy Perry

Clinton: hear me roar!

Sanders: we're gonna make history!

Wright: he called Clinton a 
flipper-flopper on trade

Sanders: I never supported that deal!

Wright: but Clinton has driven all her
opponents from the field and eleven-hour
Benghazi hearing made her a hero

Wright: but she's still a partisan lighting rod

Wright: she will probably win but then
again that's what we said in 2008

Stephanopoulos: omg Ben Carson
is now leading in Iowa!

Llamas: it's so exciting

Trump: I'm number two! I don't believe it!

Trump: he's low energy!

Trump: what the fuck kind of 
cult is 7th Day Adventists?

Llamas: Bush stopped paying his staffers

Llamas: doctor Carson could win in Iowa!

Llamas: but Trump still leads 
in all national polls

Stephanopoulos: welcome Donald Trump

Trump: get on with it buddy

Stephanopoulos: you attacked 7th Day Adventists

Trump: I just don't know anything
about it so that's what I said

Stephanopoulos: so why did you bring it up?

Trump: I just don't know about it

Stephanopoulos: then why raise it at all?

Trump: because I don't know about it

Stephanopoulos: will you apologize?

Trump: no because all I said was 
'I don't know about it'

Stephanopoulos: Ben Carson said you
can't forcibly deport 11 million people

Trump: he's weak!

Stephanopoulos: I see

Trump: George Bush's weak immigration
rules caused the attacks on 9/11

Stephanopoulos: I see

Trump: we're going to let the good ones
come right back in and keep out the bad ones

Stephanopoulos: brilliant

Trump: there are real bad ones and
they will get out so fast your head will spin

Stephanopoulos: it's already spinning

Trump: good

Stephanopoulos: Ben Carson 
wants to get rid of Medicare

Trump: that's a great idea actually

Stephanopoulos: so you would also get rid of Medicare?

Trump: definitely – it's worked for
decades so clearly we don't need it anymore

Stephanopoulos: can you stop
Ben Carson's amazing surge?

Trump: I have a massive lead in New Hampshire!

Stephanopoulos: he's beating you in Iowa

Trump: I find that hard to believe

Stephanopoulos: Jeb Bush says he
would be a miserable President and
people should elect Trump

Trump: He and Ben Carson 
are low energy losers

Stephanopoulos: perhaps a bit

Trump: we're being ripped off by foreigners!

Stephanopoulos: go on

Trump: we need rich people!

Stephanopoulos: they're very nice

Trump: Jeb is a total disaster!

Stephanopoulos: that's not untrue

Trump: I'm number one and I'm
not even spending any money!

Stephanopoulos: that's amazing

Trump: Ben Carson is running loads 
of ads
in Iowa and he's being led by his 
SuperPac which is wrong

Stephanopoulos: we had a focus group
that likes you a lot but also thinks
you're a total asshole

Trump: I will be a great unifier – 
also Obama is awful

Stephanopoulos: you said the country is going to hell

Trump: America is the world's laughing stock!

Stephanopoulos: really?

Trump: the USA is in terrible shape!

Stephanopoulos: what's your debate strategy

Trump: I predicted Osama bin Laden 
back in 2000!

Stephanopoulos: thanks for coming Donald

Trump: Loser!

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: welcome John Podesta

Podesta: thanks George

Stephanopoulos: Trump says under
President Hillary Clinton the country 
will go to hell

Podesta: he's an idiot

Stephanopoulos: that's checks out

Podesta: he just hurls insults

Stephanopoulos: well he beats
Hillary Clinton in some polls

Podesta: oh please – she would crush him

Stephanopoulos: Bernie Sanders says
he is authentic and has conviction and Clinton is calculating

Podesta: she's not a flip-flopper – she's just a very good listener

Stephanopoulos: has Bernie Sanders peaked?

Podesta: he's gone negative which is mean

Stephanopoulos: is Hillary Clinton only 
good when her back is against the wall?

Podesta: maybe but when you're President
you're back is always against the wall

Stephanopoulos: in a way

Podesta: she endured that stupid Benghazi
committee for eleven hours which is longer than
Titanic and Avatar and Gone with the Wind all three Godfathers

Stephanopoulos: that third one was bad

Podesta: she's learned from that 
epic defeat in 2008

Stephanopoulos: did Hillary Clinton reveal classified information?

Podesta: that was a five billion dollar
taxpayer-funded witch hunt

Stephanopoulos: the FBI is investigating

Podesta: bring it on baby!

Stephanopoulos: you're confident

Podesta: those e-mails show a hard-working
successful Secretary of State fighting for America

Stephanopoulos: thanks for coming

[ break ]

Raddatz: omg US forces rescued hostages from ISIS!

Soldier: damn fucking right we did

Raddatz: the Afghans need a lot of help too

Solider: we've fired 7,000 rounds 
of ammunition

Raddatz: wow it's like America on 
an average weekend

Soldier: our biggest concern is still IEDs

Raddatz: General Campbell are we 
beating the Taliban?

Campbell: they're very tough

Raddatz: you're low on troops

Campbell: a bit

Raddatz: does that hurt you

Campbell: we lose eyes and ears

Raddatz: that's not good

Raddatz: look at this ISIS graduation ceremony!

Raddatz: their commencement speaker read
Oh the Place's You'll Go and then told them it's Afghanistan

Campbell: that's a good book though

Raddatz: does Afghanistan still threaten the homeland?

Campbell: absolutely!

Raddatz: I'm scared!

Campbell: don't kid yourself martha!

Raddatz: everyone we talked to wants
America to stay and occupy Afghanistan

Campbell: right

Raddatz: but then again the U.S. did bomb a hospital

Campbell: that was a mistake

Raddatz: are going to be here for decades?

Campbell: yes it's just like Germany
except the Afghan people actually like us

Raddatz: okay then

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: omg Bernie Sanders 
went after Clinton!

Halperin: well of course because she's terrible

Heileman: he should go after her more!

Granholm: DOMA was years ago

Stephanopoulos: well she also voted 
for the Iraq war

Granholm: everyone evolves George

Karl: Clinton had a terrible summer

Stephanopoulos: right

Karl: but she just had 10 great days

Stephanopoulos: is Benghazi over?

Navarro: never!

Stephanopoulos: but she came off well

Navarro: she did look good

Stephanopoulos: Ben Carson may be
crazy but he leads in Iowa

Halperin: the elite East Coast media are
all snobs who think you make sense you
talk about government

Stephanopoulos: Trump went after
Seventh Day Adventists

Heileman: Trump's religion is even worse

Stephanopoulos: what is it?

Heileman: something do with a 
gold statue of himself

Stephanopoulos: Ana you're sticking with Jeb

Navarro: I was very happy to hear he
was slashing pay for his staff – that should
boost morale and solve everything

Stephanopoulos: you keep telling 
yourself that

Navarro: oh god why did I sign with that idiot

Stephanopoulos: is Marco Rubio in the catbird's seat?

Granholm: he's too extreme

Stephanopoulos: but he's young and handsome

Navarro: he's like Obama!

Stephanopoulos: a bit

Navarro: he's the most eloquent
person in politics today

Stephanopoulos: Mark who do you like?

Halperin: Ted Cruz

Stephanopoulos: oh really?

Halperin: also Rubio and Kasich and 
Bush and Christie and Carson

Stephanopoulos: way to cover your bases

Heilemann: the nominee will probably 
be a crazy outsider

Navarro: oh god

Granholm: Trump and Carson want 
to get rid of Medicare!

Stephanopoulos: sorry we can't 
talk substance

Granholm: but but
Stephanopoulos: no we're out of time

Stephanopoulos: but first today's quiz

Stephanopoulos: and that's the show

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