Meet The Press - August 9, 2009

Meet The Press
August 9, 2009
Guests:
James L. Jones - U.S. National Security Adviser
Mike Bloomberg - Mayor of New York
Cory Booker - Mayor of Newark
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Gregory: Tell me about Kim Jong-Il - is he as crazy as I’ve heard?

Jones: Bill Clinton reports that he had a conversation with him and he’s actually less insane than Sarah Palin

Gregory: but he has nuclear weapons

Jones: all we want is for the nutjob North Koreans to rejoin the little happy family of warlike nations

Gregory: any chances of that happening?

Jones: no

Gregory: Whose idea was it to send The Big Dog to Korea?

Jones: Kim Jong Il said if Bill Clinton agreed to come to my country and give me some tips on women he would let the journalists go

Gregory: it’s a win-win

Jones: he has a man-crush on Bubba

Gregory: I know how that is - I love Karl Rove

Jones: ick

Gregory: Henry Kissinger says this sends a signal a visit from Bill Clinton proves that Korea is accepted by all great nations

Jones: hey the Big Dog is visited Little Rock High School and no one wants Arkansas to have nukes either

Gregory: it’s like a J.L. Rowling book - Barack Obama and Power of the Clenis

Jones: the Clenis recently killed 2 terrorists in Pakistan

Gregory: I feel safer already

Gregory: what’s the endgame in Afghanistan?

Jones: Total security, safety, economic prosperity and rebuilding the country so people will love living there

Cory Booker: Jesus I’d like to see that in Newark

Jones: Cory I’m not a miracle worker

Gregory: what about those American hikers in Iran

Jones: don’t get me started those idiots

Gregory: how do you deal with Ahmedinejad?

Jones: Clenis

Gregory: Al Qaeda?

Jones: Clenis

Gregory: world hunger?

Jones: Clenis

[ break ]

Gregory: wow the airspace over the Hudson river is a fucking free--for-all!

Bloomberg: yeah but the good news is now that we know you can land a jet in the river it’s like a having a 4th airport

Gregory: Holy shit Cory the jobless rate in Newark is off the hook

Booker: true but our hope to create a whole new Green economy in Newark

Gregory: like how?

Booker: solar panels, double pane windows, and tilting at windmills

Bloomberg: let me just say in defense of Cory that Newark sucks

Booker: hey

Bloomberg: we set aside a few billion for a rainy day fund

Gregory: and has that helped New York city?

Bloomberg: I was talking about my family

Gregory: has the stimulus helped America?

Bloomberg: yes but it will take more than that to recover from the Bush economy

Gregory: should I condemn Obama for breaking his promise not to raise taxes or bash him for not raising taxes?

Booker: how the hell should I know - I’m trying to compete with Mumbai and 3 hospitals just closed!

Gregory: so you are saying that Obama should raises taxes on the middle class?

Booker: I heard you were a moron

Gregory: is Obama a terrible President for refusing to raise middle class taxes for which I could then attack him?

Bloomberg: I know it kills you to hear this Greggers, but Obama is going a good job

Gregory: so I hear you saying Obama should raise taxes on the poor

Bloomberg: whatever fluffyhead

Gregory: so we must raise taxes on people other than me and rich friends

Bloomberg: we could also cut defense and health spending

Gregory: that’s crazy talk

Gregory: How can you defeat the NRA - they have all the guns!

Bloomberg: the NRA has $50 million and I have $15 billion

Gregory: whoa

Booker: I’m not concerned about the law-abiding hunters - I’m worried about terrorists buying rocket launchers

Gregory: talk to me about my favorite pet issue: the swine flu

Bloomberg: suck it up Greggers - I’m exposed to much worse every day on the subway

Booker: forget the sniffles - kids today are too fat

Gregory: Bloom you want to be Mayor for Life

Bloomberg: that’s how I roll

Gregory: Cory Booker says you should shave your head

Bloomberg: I’m down with the homies

Booker: I endorsed Bloomberg even though he’s a Republican or Democrat or whatever he is this week

Gregory: Cory why is Corzine losing?

Booker: look the Bush economy sucks and we will hang George W. Bush around Christie’s neck until it sinks him

Gregory: I never covered protests of the war but wow look at these crazy people protesting health care reform!

[ shows tapes of right-wing lunatics ]

Brooks: wow I never heard Rush compare people to Nazis - Limbaugh really is insane

Gregory: have you been living in cave Brooksie?

Brooks: but Obama could have avoided all this if only he had done everything the insurance industry wanted

Gregory: that is so sad

Brooks: it’s tragic

Gregory: [high pitched voice] people are really concerned about reform!

Burnett: the American people want arbitrary bipartisan health care reform - it doesn’t matter what it does

Gregory: of course

Burnett: people really want costs cut - also they are terrified that Obama will cut costs

Meacham: it’s all Obama’s fault that people are calling him Hitler

Gregory: Sarah Palin objects to having her baby killed by a death panel

Brooks: oh sure, make the GOP look bad by citing a few fringe crazy people the Republican vice presidental nominee

Gregory: Obama is going to reframe this as defending patients against insurers

Meacham: that could work

Gregory: unemployment is getting better!

Burnett: while it is true that Obama is doing better than could possibly be hoped - it’s terrible we don’t yet have a plan for the year 2012!

Brooks: Obama should have cut taxes instead he had this complex stimulus bill which costs a lot - he knows nothing about economics like I do

Gregory: he did Cash For Clunkers which is a success

Brooks: that was great - but cutting taxes magically doesn’t add to the debt so he should have done that instead

Burnett: no Cash For Clunkers sucks too because it isn’t perfect

Gregory: Wow Bill Clinton rescued those journalists and hugged Al gore

Meacham: Clinton and Gore are gay ha ha ha ha

Gregory: hee hee

Meacham: North Korea is an enemy of epic proportions!

Gregory: wow!

Meacham: also we need the Clenis to rescue a Newsweek correspondent

Gregory: I’m sure he’ll get right on that considering your coverage of his Whitewater and Monica

Meacham: oh shit

Gregory: Brooks what’s the answer in North Korea?

Brooks: we need to violently overthrow the whole regime

Gregory: I love it when a Republican who would lose a fight to Dakota Fanning talk tough

Brooks: [sings] I’m bad, I’m bad!

Gregory: and that’s all from this edition of meet the press