Sunday, August 23, 2009

The Chris Matthews Show - August 23, 2009

Matthews: OMG newspapers used to be romantic hotspots of sex and excitement and now they’re dying!!

Woodward: sure newspapers are dead but the kids love tv and those inter-youtubes

Brown: I could make the Beast into a Beauty if I had more money

Matthews: awesome

Brown: we’re going to rely on bloggers for foreign reporting

Matthews: I miss going out to the driveway in my bathrobe and get the crack news

Borger: but I get all the news sent to my blackberry at midnight

Klein: I like to read newspapers so I can be up on stories that no one gives a shit about

Matthews: People are stealing shitty news from the WaPo!

Woodward: no one cares

Matthews: newspapers are essential to long-form stories misleading people on the economy!

Klein: actually there’s more room to write thorough stories on the Internet

Woodward: or books - where you can really pack in the lies

Matthews: but who’s going to fact-check -- not bloggers!!

Klein: we fact-check but doesn’t fact-check me, thank god

Brown: you can fact-check online stupid

Klein: our readers fact-check us - it turns out we’ve been printing lies all this time!

Borger: in ten years newspapers will be downloaded digitally into our brains

Klein: I like print papers so the elites will tell me what I need to know

Matthews: indeed bloggers live in their own little world and are never exposed to news no gives a flying fuck about

Klein: I’m going to Iran because no one in the U.S. seems to want me around

Matthews: what ever happened to Emile Zola?!

Klein: Jack Use!

Woodward: Watergate was bigger than journalism - it was about the future of the country

Matthews: could you do a story like that today?

Woodward: oh yes

Matthews: so why don’t you?

Woodward: it turns out there’s more money in being a whore for Republican liars

Matthews: ha I love it!

Matthews: the Boston Globe blew the top off the pedophile scandal and ramrod it through!

Woodward: the local newspaper needs to have moral authority

Matthews: but who will catch the bad guys - Batman?

Borger: former editors of the Wall Street Journal

Brown: individual bloggers - they’re actually pretty smart

Borger: but Tina we can’t rely on lonely shut-ins

Klein: we’re going to miss the banter in the newspaper coffee room like when people say ‘hey joe you may be a moron and liar but at least you’re not a stinking blogger’ and then we all give each other high-fives

Matthews: who will write the most interesting book to come out of the Bush administration?

Brown: Women are going to want see if Condi Rice will admit she was wrong all this time

Woodward: Bush’s memoir will be riveting - but no women will read Donald Rumsfeld

Matthews: but women will find him so sexy!

Klein: Cheney will spill his dark psychoses for all the world to see and reveal that Bush was a nazi-fascist-socialist-commie who was soft on torture like he once balked about pulling a suspect’s eyes out with an oyster fork

Matthews: well you gotta get a tough on terrorists

Klein: no, this person was suspected of wearing a Kerry shirt to a Bush town hall

Matthews: ha what a great story

Matthews: Tell me some news!

Brown: newsgathering online is better than crappy papers

Woodward: George W. Bush is going to be finally vindicated in his wonderful riveting new autobiography

Borger: the GOP will stage a resurgence I’m sure of it

Matthews: wow - how will they do it?!

Borger: I have no fucking idea

Klein: you have to see ‘Afghan Idol ‘- they have a nasty British guy, a loopy woman and an incoherent guy who says “yo”

Matthews: wow it’s like the royal family in the 19th century all over again


Anonymous said...

I saw this and yours is like a verbatim transcript. Srsly.


Anonymous said...

You're the light of my life.

Anonymous said...

For the longest time I thought I was the only one who watched these shows and understood them as you do. Now I know that I am not alone. I love you.

Anonymous said...

These are brilliant. The funniest things I read all week. Thank you!

Jon Loomis

Anonymous said...

CoT has become part of my Sunday routine. Why waste my time watching the Bobbleheads? You have made bobblespeak translation a veritable art form! Keep up the good work!!

Nur-al-Cubicle said...

I tried to watch Stephanopobobble this morning.. even with Krugman it was unbearable because Frum wouldn't STFU. You are teh awesome, CoT.

Anonymous said...

This is wonderful. You are now my top bookmark.

Share Anonymous #3 point self-awareness below - now I know I am not alone!

Dirty Little Secret - am I the only one still watching the McLaughlin Group?

Will you ever translate Mort, Buchanan and the ditzy Monica, or would that be too easy?


PS - I'll register later. Got dumped out by Blogger on first effort, and had to recompose/retype my post above.

Anonymous said...

Well done, Thanks CoT!
-St Paul E Wog

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