Sunday, August 09, 2009

Meet The Press - August 9, 2009

Meet The Press
August 9, 2009
James L. Jones - U.S. National Security Adviser
Mike Bloomberg - Mayor of New York
Cory Booker - Mayor of Newark

Gregory: Tell me about Kim Jong-Il - is he as crazy as I’ve heard?

Jones: Bill Clinton reports that he had a conversation with him and he’s actually less insane than Sarah Palin

Gregory: but he has nuclear weapons

Jones: all we want is for the nutjob North Koreans to rejoin the little happy family of warlike nations

Gregory: any chances of that happening?

Jones: no

Gregory: Whose idea was it to send The Big Dog to Korea?

Jones: Kim Jong Il said if Bill Clinton agreed to come to my country and give me some tips on women he would let the journalists go

Gregory: it’s a win-win

Jones: he has a man-crush on Bubba

Gregory: I know how that is - I love Karl Rove

Jones: ick

Gregory: Henry Kissinger says this sends a signal a visit from Bill Clinton proves that Korea is accepted by all great nations

Jones: hey the Big Dog is visited Little Rock High School and no one wants Arkansas to have nukes either

Gregory: it’s like a J.L. Rowling book - Barack Obama and Power of the Clenis

Jones: the Clenis recently killed 2 terrorists in Pakistan

Gregory: I feel safer already

Gregory: what’s the endgame in Afghanistan?

Jones: Total security, safety, economic prosperity and rebuilding the country so people will love living there

Cory Booker: Jesus I’d like to see that in Newark

Jones: Cory I’m not a miracle worker

Gregory: what about those American hikers in Iran

Jones: don’t get me started those idiots

Gregory: how do you deal with Ahmedinejad?

Jones: Clenis

Gregory: Al Qaeda?

Jones: Clenis

Gregory: world hunger?

Jones: Clenis

[ break ]

Gregory: wow the airspace over the Hudson river is a fucking free--for-all!

Bloomberg: yeah but the good news is now that we know you can land a jet in the river it’s like a having a 4th airport

Gregory: Holy shit Cory the jobless rate in Newark is off the hook

Booker: true but our hope to create a whole new Green economy in Newark

Gregory: like how?

Booker: solar panels, double pane windows, and tilting at windmills

Bloomberg: let me just say in defense of Cory that Newark sucks

Booker: hey

Bloomberg: we set aside a few billion for a rainy day fund

Gregory: and has that helped New York city?

Bloomberg: I was talking about my family

Gregory: has the stimulus helped America?

Bloomberg: yes but it will take more than that to recover from the Bush economy

Gregory: should I condemn Obama for breaking his promise not to raise taxes or bash him for not raising taxes?

Booker: how the hell should I know - I’m trying to compete with Mumbai and 3 hospitals just closed!

Gregory: so you are saying that Obama should raises taxes on the middle class?

Booker: I heard you were a moron

Gregory: is Obama a terrible President for refusing to raise middle class taxes for which I could then attack him?

Bloomberg: I know it kills you to hear this Greggers, but Obama is going a good job

Gregory: so I hear you saying Obama should raise taxes on the poor

Bloomberg: whatever fluffyhead

Gregory: so we must raise taxes on people other than me and rich friends

Bloomberg: we could also cut defense and health spending

Gregory: that’s crazy talk

Gregory: How can you defeat the NRA - they have all the guns!

Bloomberg: the NRA has $50 million and I have $15 billion

Gregory: whoa

Booker: I’m not concerned about the law-abiding hunters - I’m worried about terrorists buying rocket launchers

Gregory: talk to me about my favorite pet issue: the swine flu

Bloomberg: suck it up Greggers - I’m exposed to much worse every day on the subway

Booker: forget the sniffles - kids today are too fat

Gregory: Bloom you want to be Mayor for Life

Bloomberg: that’s how I roll

Gregory: Cory Booker says you should shave your head

Bloomberg: I’m down with the homies

Booker: I endorsed Bloomberg even though he’s a Republican or Democrat or whatever he is this week

Gregory: Cory why is Corzine losing?

Booker: look the Bush economy sucks and we will hang George W. Bush around Christie’s neck until it sinks him

Gregory: I never covered protests of the war but wow look at these crazy people protesting health care reform!

[ shows tapes of right-wing lunatics ]

Brooks: wow I never heard Rush compare people to Nazis - Limbaugh really is insane

Gregory: have you been living in cave Brooksie?

Brooks: but Obama could have avoided all this if only he had done everything the insurance industry wanted

Gregory: that is so sad

Brooks: it’s tragic

Gregory: [high pitched voice] people are really concerned about reform!

Burnett: the American people want arbitrary bipartisan health care reform - it doesn’t matter what it does

Gregory: of course

Burnett: people really want costs cut - also they are terrified that Obama will cut costs

Meacham: it’s all Obama’s fault that people are calling him Hitler

Gregory: Sarah Palin objects to having her baby killed by a death panel

Brooks: oh sure, make the GOP look bad by citing a few fringe crazy people the Republican vice presidental nominee

Gregory: Obama is going to reframe this as defending patients against insurers

Meacham: that could work

Gregory: unemployment is getting better!

Burnett: while it is true that Obama is doing better than could possibly be hoped - it’s terrible we don’t yet have a plan for the year 2012!

Brooks: Obama should have cut taxes instead he had this complex stimulus bill which costs a lot - he knows nothing about economics like I do

Gregory: he did Cash For Clunkers which is a success

Brooks: that was great - but cutting taxes magically doesn’t add to the debt so he should have done that instead

Burnett: no Cash For Clunkers sucks too because it isn’t perfect

Gregory: Wow Bill Clinton rescued those journalists and hugged Al gore

Meacham: Clinton and Gore are gay ha ha ha ha

Gregory: hee hee

Meacham: North Korea is an enemy of epic proportions!

Gregory: wow!

Meacham: also we need the Clenis to rescue a Newsweek correspondent

Gregory: I’m sure he’ll get right on that considering your coverage of his Whitewater and Monica

Meacham: oh shit

Gregory: Brooks what’s the answer in North Korea?

Brooks: we need to violently overthrow the whole regime

Gregory: I love it when a Republican who would lose a fight to Dakota Fanning talk tough

Brooks: [sings] I’m bad, I’m bad!

Gregory: and that’s all from this edition of meet the press


Spocko said...

Does it count as a man crush if I tell you I love you? I'm a Vulcan and I'm not even supposed to get all happy or weepy in the best of times, so just ignore my comment and pretend I never said it.

I'm trying to figure out if these would work as a "Riff trax" where we would throw in your comments after their actual comments. Or would it be better to run it as text under it. I'm thinking to absorb it maybe a freeze frame, the comment read (or text) and then start up the video again.

What we want to see is the contrast between what they are saying and your translation.

The problem has to do with timing.
Maybe we should experiment with a few versions. If I can get my video editing program working again I could do it.

report from the heartland said...

CoT RULES THE ENTIRE RCKY ROUND WORLD. WHo doesn't have a crush on him (I heard he was a him, too)?

SFAW said...

One of the best things is that Greggers manages, each week, to find a guest who will say "I heard you were a moron".

Then again, the tough part would be finding someone who wouldn't say that. With a straight face, that is.

Anonymous said...

This has become my site du week. Why listen to the original, which will only make me gnash my teeth and weep, when I can read your version?? Many thanks!
Sarah Deere

Anonymous said...

where did brooks come from? That wasn't listed at the top.

SFAW said...

where did brooks come from?

I heard that he came from the very heart of deepest, darkest Wingnuttia.

Or maybe that was Beck? I don't remember.

They're both dimwits, I guess, but at least Brooks will, at times, have a brief moment of uninsanity.

Anonymous said...

I saw Gregg dancing around on stage. Gregg was shaking his thing while Karl Rove sang about how wonderful it was being Karl Rove.

How Meet the Press can ruin it's reputation by hiring this fool, is beyond me and David Brinkley.

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