Debate - Candidates for Vice President
Guests:
Sen. Joe Biden
Gov. Sarah Palin
Gwen Ifill
October 2, 2008
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Gwen Ifill: welcome to Kabuki 2008!!
Audience: Yaaaayyy!!!!
Ifill: Baldy - Bailout - yes no?
Joe Biden: Nice to meet you for the first time Sarah
Sarah Palin: you to Jim
Biden: Obama had a four point plan and a plan to help the middle class and that's why he chose for me - for my incredible exitement
Palin: to learn about economics go to a kid's soccer game and you will hear about the need for regulation which of course the Republican party stands for
Biden: fuck wha?
Palin: hey he suspended his campaign to fail at getting something done
Biden: oh c'mon at 9:00 am he told soccer moms everything was fine and at 9:15 he said it sucked
Palin: no he meant the American worker was fine -- how dare you put the worker down - but with all due respect Jack we don't need another long time Senator in the White House we need John McCain!
Ifill: you're slippery sarah
Palin: we the pro-regulation pro-government joe sixpacks and hockey moms need to get together and work with republicans to say never again will let liberals like George Bush take advantage of us!!
Biden: hey did you know john McCain who is a very good man is in fact a Republican
Ifill: no!
Palin: darn right we need tax relief - but Barack voted to increase taxes 940 times - that's one time for every muslim in Kenya
Biden: but-
Palin: and Obama wants to confiscate all income from people making $40,000
Biden: ok she just lied and i can prove it - McCain cast the same fucking vote
Ifill: Governor Liar?
Palin: i may not answer the questions but that only proves I'm a wacky maverick from a Disney movie!
Ifill: do you want to wage class warfare
Biden: sure we're going to raise taxes on the rich while Big Rich John voted to raise taxes 340 times - this is only fairness for the suffering the middle class
Palin: you're forgetting the millions of tiny little business - Real patriotism is looking at the American flag and saying - that's the problem!
Ifill: what is McCain's health plan?
Palin: a $5,000 tax credit which doesn't cost the government anything
Ifill: math not your strong suit, huh?
Biden: redistribute my ass
Palin: no thanks you betcha
Biden: fuck this - McCain is going to tax your health care benefits from your employer plan - taking $12,000 from you and giving it to insurers
Ifill: what promises will your promise to break
Biden: the promise to break one of my promises - i will break that one
Ifill: huh?
Biden: Cayman islands taxes and aid to brown countries
Palin: i want to go back to the energy plan
Ifill: we weren't talking about that
Palin: i took on Exxon and said they are bad
Ifill: you're joking
Palin: also i stuck it to hockey moms and took on Women Who Look Like Tina Fey
Ifill: how about answering just one of my questions
Palin: I support Massive Oversight
Biden: where do i start? Where??
Ifill: i have no idea
Biden: she has a windfall profits tax but Crazy won't support it
Ifill: the economy?
Palin: recall that John McCain was calling for Big Reform and wow we just learned the Republican party is incredibly corrupt oh boy we better elect liberals like me and John McCain
Biden: yeah well i voted for the Bankruptcy bill because I'm from Delaware but John McCain has no idea what the fuck is going on
Ifill: your answer sarah?
Palin: that you for asking me about energy
Ifill: i didn't
Palin: Also Obama voted for the energy bill in 2005 and MCain called for regulating fannie mae
Ifill: are you a robot?
Palin: those east coast elitists don't want oil which flows red white and blue - they hate America
Ifill: you don't believe in climate change
Palin: it's real but i don't want to argue about the cause - the point is we have to reject liberals like George Bush and Barack Obama and environmentalists like John McCain
Ifill: of course
Palin: also we like conservation and why let other countries pollute?
Biden: global warming is man made - but the point is John McCain hates wind
Ifill: are you two really the best your parties could do??
Biden: yes
Palin: no
Biden: they only want to drill
Palin: the chant is 'drill baby drill' and I hear it everywhere i go!
Ifill: no bedroom talk please
Palin: he opposed clean coal in a rope line once
Biden: oh please
Palin: what about good clean patriotic god-given natural gas
Ifill: gays?
Biden: i love gays - i love those fuckin gays!
Palin: i am for people choosing what they want as long as it isn't being gay
Ifill: um what
Palin: well it's ok for a sodomizer to sign a contract i guess
Ifill: hair plugs address gay marriage
Biden: no that's a faith question
Ifill: well that and the state
Palin: no gay marriage
Ifill: wonderful you agree that gays are second-class citizens!!
Ifill: Iraq!
Palin: Obama hate the troops and voted to starve them and take away their bullets - but if we lose there we will lose in Afghanistan and we must never leave except for honor and glory
Biden: oh horseshit John McCain also voted against funding the troops and will all due respect to Palin i didn't hear a plan from Governor six pack
Ifill: what's your plan?
Palin: we so very very very close to victory and here you want to wave to white the flag of surrender - we're getting’ closer and closer to winnin’
Palin: I can't see how you can defend someone who would cut off funding for the troops
Biden: you hate John McCain
Palin: but he's an old white man
Biden: hey bin laden may be in Alaska and we may have to bomb it
Palin: hey don't believe me - listen to al qaeda they say the Iraq is the front line in the war on terror
Ifill: which the most dangerous country
Palin: more dangerous even than Achmedinejad and Kim Ill John and the Jonas Brothers is Obama - he would meet with Henry Kissinger without the precious 'pre conditions'
Biden: oh for god's sake it's true the Jonas Brothers are pretty apalling but McCain won't even meet the King of Spain
Ifilll: Israel?
Palin: we will never allow a 2nd Holocaust by building a new embassy
Ifill: there you go
Biden: no one is a better friend to Israel than this guy i know named Joe Biden
Ifill: who?
Biden: Joe Biden says Iran is on the march and Joe Biden will change the policy toward Hamas
Ifill: gwen ifill asks you about hamas
Palin: i don't know what that is - but sure Bush is all about Huge Blunders like all administrations but if you keep bashing Bush it proves you don't want to change from President Bush
Ifill: who would you nuke?
Palin: well you know a good way to use nukes is hang laundry from 'em or to oppose too many people in the world
Ifill: um
Palin: speaking of Afghanistan why did Obama say all we are doing is killing people so sad and a lie
Biden: but the commanding General there said a surge wouldn't work just more troops and by the way nukes are bad and let me put it this way Obama put forward a bill well let me change my answer
Palin: oh noe did ya know Afghanistan has a geography
Ifill: who would you nuke?
Palin: well you know a good way to use nukes is hang laundry from 'em or to oppose too many people in the world
Ifill: um
Palin: speaking of Afghanistan why did Obama say all we are doing is killing people so sad and a lie
Biden: but the commanding General there said a surge wouldn't work just more troops and by the way nukes are bad and let me put it this way Obama put forward a bill well let me change my answer
Palin: oh noe did ya know Afghanistan has a geography
Ifill: does american have the stomach for more boots on the ground in africa
Biden: hey look at bosnia or kosovo or iraq or iran
Ifill: okay
Biden: hey i voted for a war that would take 10 years and result in millions dead
Ifill: foreign policy
Palin: these people hate america and our women's right that's why pre conditions are so very very very important
Palin: wow ya know i'm not an insider cause i doan know where darfur is or what they did to this guy Chad
Biden: we have to draw a lot of lines and speak discursively on the hearings on i opposed the McCain strategy
Palin: well sure there have been blunders by people like John McCain but he John McCain knows evil after all he is a Republican
Ifill: how would a Biden presidency differ from Obama after he is killed
Biden: i would use my time to attack Bush-McCain and carry the work of our slain hero
Palin: ha i'm a maverick!
Ifill: same question for when McCain dies
Palin: i would put a hockey rink in the rose garden and have unwed teen kids in the White House
Ifill: you are mavericky
Palin: there ya go again trying to call McCain a republican hee hee
Ifill: well he is
Palin: Joe my condolences on your wife! we gotta ramp up all school learnin!
Ifill: what the fuck would you do in DC dimwit
Palin: i would drill drill and also carry around my baby around the Capital
Biden: let me speak discursively on this subject
Ifill: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Ifill: Do you agree with Cheney that the VP is not in the Executive branch
Palin: we will administer plans appropriate to the nation also i was in the PTA
Biden: read Article One Dick is the most dangerous VP in American history
Ifill: aaron burr tried to a revolution
Biden: i know but he never shot anyone
Ifill: actually he shot Hamilton
Ifill: now is moment in the debate when we Babble incoherently!!
Palin: baby children middle america world view jesus city on a hill hockey mom unapolgetic tolderance freedom equal rice
Ifill: wow just wow
Biden: crime bill 100,000 cops violence against women Bosnia single parent kitchen table Wilmington beautiful house better off single father
[chokes up]
Ifill: wow
Palin: Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaveriiick!!!
Ifill: do you want to expand on that
Palin: maaaaaaaaveriiiiiiiiiiiiiiick!!!
Ifill: do you have another word?
Palin: look McCain’s bipartisan he's supported by Giuliani and Mitt Romney
Biden: he's not a maverick - he's goddam asshole
Ifill: flip flop?
Biden: as a pointy headed illecktual i said no to Bork who we know now is one evil motherfucker
Palin: hey we'd all love to cut taxes to zero but i have never compromised - i just run a bipartisan operation
Ifill: you keep talking about bipartisanship what's all that about?
Biden: jesse helms and i had a baby with braces
Ifill: i appointed democrats who both speak in tounges and handle snakes - so there's real diversity there ya know
Ifill: closing statement
Palin: the media are liberal and evil and i want to assure you people that even though we are Republicans in name we will fight for the little people and i can prove it by threatening to kill all the brown people and there is only one man who have fought for you and you owe it to him to vote for the POW!!!!!!!
Biden: While exxon make billions i have a son in Iraq and so does John I might add and i grew up in an honest neighborhood and my dad had an expression he said baldy shut the fuck once in your life in the name of the father son and holy spirit
Ifill: amen and good night
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