Thursday, October 16, 2008

Presidential Debate - October 15, 2008

Presidential Debate
Hofstra University
Sen. Barack Obama
Sen. John McCain
Host: Robert Schieffer
October 16, 2008
Schieffer: please applaud for the final debate of this tortuous campaign!!

Audience: yaaaaaaaay!!!!

Schieffer: First question - McCain you want to cut taxes for rich white people while you Obama want to give all the money to liberals and blacks

McCain: thanks to Hofstra and hi Barack

{ refuses to look }

People are very very very angry like me I am also very very angry

Obama: [ whistles ]

McCain: the cause of this crisis was Fannie Mae and Freddie giving money to poor people - now let's go out and buy all the irresponsible people a free house

Obama: yeah thanks to Hofstra and Wayne Chrebet and nice to see you John

McCain: [ looks away ]

Obama: my plan has three prongs - one lets get lots of jobs, two let people dip into IRAs; three, stop John McCain from giving a trillion dollars to the banks

McCain: Barack Obama met Joe the Plumber the other day and he found out that he was going make $250,000 a year when Obama is President and he got very depressed doggone it and I won't stand for some darkie coming along taking money from Joe the Plumber or the Rosie the Riveter or Mack the Knife

Obama: you forgot Exxon the Bird Killer or Halliburton the Murderer or WalMart the Sweat Shopper

McCain: why do Democrats always love taxes let's not have any taxes

Obama: you have to pay for the stuff you want

McCain: [throws self on the floor, cries, pounds fists ]

no no no no no no no no no

Schieffer: what about the deficits??

Obama: i will go through the budget line by line and highlight the really racy parts

Bob: oooooh

Obama: we should cure cancer and invent cold fusion that would be really good

McCain: speaking of home ownership obviously we should artificially prop up home prices-

Bob: what would you cut?

McCain: Tide, solar, wind

Bob: are you mental?

McCain: we owe China! I will eliminate programs like the one in that movie the Dave! I know how to save billions!

Bob: name something

McCain: I would eliminate tarriffs on sugar

Schieffer: name an expense you twit

McCain: Overhead Projectors

Obama: you *are* an Overhead Projector

Schieffer: can you balance the budget

McCain: hey i'm not President Bush for one thing I'm older and even weirder

Obama: you voted for all of Bush's budgets

McCain: he voted for the energy bill! Racists for America voted for me!

Obama: hey dude you have been a supporter of President Bush and every one knows it

McCain: i fought the Republican party and have the scars to prove - heck i opposed the war in Iraq!! hell I could go on all night on bad ideas the Republicans have had!

Schieffer: McCain is senile and Obama is a terrorist - say it to his face! Go!

McCain: if Obama had agreed to my town hall meetings I would not have called him a terrorist - but clearly the worst thing was what John Lewis said - also Obama is an untrustworthy liar

Obama: John 100% of your ads have been negative - but John unemployed americans are not interested you poor widdle hurt feelings

McCain: whaaaaaaaaaaaa

Obama: John the notion that you had to smear me because I wouldn't agree to Town Hall meetings is fucking stupid

McCain: you misportray me with so so so much money so of course people in my crowds shout out "kill him" what the hell do you expect!?

Obama: people at John's rallies are shouting "Kill him"

McCain: [ laughs maniacally ]

Obama: the american people have a choice - the hateful lunatic or me

McCain: How dare you attack veterans and patriotic people and I'm not going to stand for it!

Schieffer: are you going to let him say that Barack?

Obama: oh for god's sake I don't think McCain is a bad person

McCain: we need to know the full extent of his full relationship with Bill Ayers the Famous Terrorist and ACORN which is destroying the very fabric of America

Obama: [ laughs ]

Obama: you mean Bill Ayers the friend to Ronald Reagan, or ACORN the group that registers people???

McCain: he's BLACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Obama: i have lots of white friends like Paul Volcker and Warren Buffet and Jim Jones

Schieffer: [ drinks kool aid ]

McCain: we just need to know all the facts of his terror leanings and my campaign is about jobs and economics and I won't raise taxes

Obama: [ kicks McCain under the table ]

Schieffer: Your Vice Presidents - defend them!

Obama: Biden is brilliant and he was born a poor white child

McCain: I have fought against the Old White Boy network and Palin understands that autism is on the rise

Obama: if we have an across the board spending freeze john we can't help autistic kids

McCain: Biden is not qualified - why he did want to invade Iraq or Kuwait and frankly i know this will shock you but he is a white man - why do we always have to have white men - why not a change for once???

Schieffer: energy?

McCain: i will take white oil but not the brown people's oil

Obama: uh huh

McCain: hybrid clean coal wind solar

Obama: hmmm

McCain: you don't tell a country you're going to renegotiate a treaty for god's sake they might sell oil to china!

Obama: nice to see the Republicans jump on yet another liberal bandwagon

[ Jimmy Carter, watching at home]


[ throws beer can at tv ]

Obama: hell yeah I will renegotiate NAFTA

McCain: we have to drill now right now!!

Obama: idiot

McCain: he opposes free trade with Columbia - for god's sake where are you we going to get cocaine in the coming Depression???

Obama: oh i understand it very well john - unsurprisingly Bush's agreement tramples on worker's rights but the point is we need to a President who does not have his head jammed firmly up his ass

McCain: let me smear Obama one more time and Obama wants to hang out with terrorists like Hugo Chavez

Obama: yeah that's me

McCain: Obama wants to raise taxes and force people to marry gay terrorists arab muslims - just like Herbert Hoover

Schieffer: health insurance

Obama: we will lower costs across the nation and put everyone in giant pool that is cheap - and when elderly Senators start to die it will be even cheaper

McCain: oh i do feel for people who don't have insurance so so so sad -- so my solution is putting health care records online, fewer fat kids, force employers to make their employers thin

Schieffer: that's it?

McCain: we should cut capital gains taxes and offer tax credits and what will your fine for Joe the Plumber ???

Obama: Zero

McCain: [ squeaky voice ] zero??

Obama: ZERO motherfucker!

McCain: erp

Obama: hey maybe Joe doesn't have health insurance i will help you get it - now let's talk about John McCain's plan

McCain: yay!

Obama: for god's sake he's going to destroy the employer based health care system - he's going to tax your health care benefits - PLUS insurance costs $12,000

McCain: spread the wealth! Joe you're rich! Congrats! But what about your family, your children, and your employees

Obama: you forgot slaves

McCain: them too

McCain: Look the Senator Government wants to Jew the Dog

Schieffer: what?

Obama: don't worry he's rolling

Schieffer: Barry?

Obama: the motherfucking US Chamber of Commerce supports my plan fucker

Schieffer: Rove Wade

McCain: look i don't care but i had a little club of 14 and we invited Barack Obama to join and that little uppity bastard said no

Bob: who would you nominate?

McCain: a smart Frenchman

Obama: good people can disagree on this issue

McCain: that leaves you out terrorist

Obama: the Constitution has a right to privacy and you don' put those out to a popular vote

McCain: fuck the constitution who let this negro on the stage with me anyway

Obama: here's an example the court agreed that women are discriminated against and the court said sorry too late

McCain: fucking trial lawyers always talking about the law in courts and trials

McCain: he voted present and with the pro abortion movement to kill little living babies

Obama: if John McCain is beginning to sound like an erratic crazy man -- it's because he is

McCain: baby killer!!!

Obama: take your pro abortion rhetoric and stuff it

McCain: health! You prove anything with health!!

Schieffer: education?

Obama: i want American kids to learn - so I support college money in exchange for service -- also speaking of Bill Cosby we need parents to help kids

Bob: sounds good but you are black

Obama: I can't wait to hear how tax cuts for Joe the Plumber will lead to small government and little dead babies

McCain: I am pro choice when it comes to education - the answer as always is Darwinian competion and charter schools and also blame the teachers

Bob: like who

McCain: forget certification - we need to put troops who recently were shooting people into our public schools

Bob: fuck yeah!

Obama: hey i doubled the number of charter schools - but it has to be paid for

McCain: Vouchers! and Cindy and your wife got choose! That was vouchers!

[ looks at Obama ]

[ stares intently at Obama ]

McCain: throwing money at problems that aren't investment banks isn't the answer!

Obama: the DC school system is bad that's true

McCain: vouchers!!

Obama: oh did he forget to mention that his plan leaves out 49 states?

McCain: [ laughs maniacally ]

Bob: final statements!

McCain: my friends we need to oppose the white old boy network and i have an impressive boring record of grandstanding and i will continue to say stupid crazy shit when i am president --- now i ask you -- can you really trust that arab muslim negro terrorist sitting there -- now please reward me for being an POW and my grandfather serving George Washington thank you

Obama: Insanity is John McCain doing what George Bush has done and expecting a different result -- but look we are going to spend and yes tax so we can grow the middle class - it will be hard and we need to come together and sacrifice - i ask for you vote so i can work tirelessly - not like some decrepit old man - on your behalf - thank you

Schieffer: I for one welcome our new Kenyan-American Overlord


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

the fact that so many people are praising McCain for his performance in the third debate proves that he and Palin have lowered people's expectations down to nothing (don't forget, the VP debates were a tie!)