March 8, 2009
Guests:
Sen. Chuck Schumer
Sen. Lindsay Graham
*************************
Gregory: America is completely in the toilet and the stimulus package has failed - so says the neocon Washington Post and John McCain's advisor!!!
Graham: we need free and easy credit
Gregory: but the path is unwinding - do we need a Wonderwall?
Schumer: he dude - the stimulus package and housing plan were just enacted!
Gregory: yeah yeah yeah - but America has a confidence problem and we're writing checks we can't cash
Schumer: stop quoting Top Gun
Gregory: i love that movie - it's mavericky!!
Gregory: Has Obama FAILED to restore confidence by not shuttering all banks?
Schumer: I always heard you were a wanker and a dick
Gregory: yes
Schumer: look he just took office you idiot
Graham: I'm very very sad and disappointed that Obama has ruined the stock market with all his debts
Schumer: say that in Brooklyn Lindy
Graham: i miss the days when massive debts didn't matter
Schumer: like Saint Ronnie
Graham: he mister we need a man like a Herbert Hoover again
Schumer: hell even McCain's advisor says we should spend more!
Graham: sure but don't raise taxes!
Schumer: but that would make the debt worse!
Graham: right!
Schumer: well which is it?!
Graham: we need magic beans!!!
Schumer: we need to guarantee car loans
Graham: yay
Gregory: should we nationalize banks?
Graham: no this is very expensive
Schumer: unlike the Iraq war
Graham: you can't throw good money after bad
Schumer: the Iraq war turned a profit?
Graham: oh it will someday!
Schumer: don't call it nationalization call it social nationalism
Graham: i like it
Schumer: the government should take the bad assets and bury them in Yucca Mountain
Graham: where we can pretend they never existed
Schumer: right - he guess what i called Tim Geithner
Gregory: what happened
Schumer: he put me on hold and ran into the bathroom and jumped out the window
Graham: you can't throw good money after bad
Gregory: you already said that
Graham: ok I'm a southern zombie
Schumer: in Brooklyn we use clawbacks
Gregory: speaking of quoting Republicans let's highlight John McCain
Gregory: should we get rid of all earmarks?
Graham: no - just Democrat ones
Gregory: he twittered against your Myrtle
Graham: no that's a good project - Myrtle beach is running dangerously short of mini golf courses
Gregory: where's the reform??
Schumer: we tattoo earmarks on every Congressman's ear now
Gregory: Chuckie you have earmarks too
Schumer: hey as we speak peter petrelli is threatening to explode and destroy New York city
Gregory: speaking of Rush Limbaugh - is he too awesome?
Graham: allow me to apologize in advance for insulting Rush
Gregory: me as well
Graham: stop talking about him - he calls me names like "Lindsay"!!
Schumer: he calls me that "camera hungry jew"
Gregory: he just calls me
[ great ]
Gregory: could we have another Depression and would that be really Great???
Ahamed: we could if try to address the deficit and not spend enough
Gregory: so we should be Republicans?
Ahamed: no I said the opposite dimwit
Gregory: OMG how could GE be in a trouble - GOD help us all!
Burnett: there are no real problems - just fear and lack of confidence
Gregory: we need national Viagra
Gregory: so what is causing all these problems
Burnett: the media
Gregory: no things are really bad - help me Mort
Zuckerman: it's all confidence - hell I've stopping picking up $100 bills of the street
Gregory: Let me quote the Wall Street Journal
Gingrich: conducting a War on the Rich and Successful will lead them to put their money in a mattress
Gregory: so sad
Gingrich: a clawback will take money that people thought they had earned which definitely put a crimp in the time-machine business
Gregory: so Mort we've established that Obama has ruined America
Mort: I don't agree
Gregory: away with you!
Gregory: Why doesn't Obama make people confident but shutting down all ATMs?
Ahamed: my stars you are quite the moron aren't you?
Burnett: maybe we could let AIG fail
Gregory: so sad
Gingrich: look this is a whole new world - a Senator actually called CEOs idiots!
Gregory: no!
Gingrich: he should have been responsible and accused the Democrats for drowning susan smith's children
Gregory: exactly
Gingrich: Obama needs to decide if he is going to succeed or do the right thing or adopt Republican policies
Gregory: why hasn't Obama solved all of America's problems?
Mort: gee i don't know maybe they're hard to solve?
Burnett: he's fulfilling promises - which is an odd experience
Gregory: the eastern europe economy is not doing good
Ahamed: Dracula has been reduced to drinking V-8
Gregory: everybody has to sacrifice
Ahamed: we need people to be responsible
Gingrich: I'm not impressed by Obama he has a lot to learn
Gregory: you could teach him
Gingrich: right he's never served his dying wife with divorce papers in the hospital
Gingrich: no one is going to start a new business with Obama talking about shutting down the Metropolitan Opera
Zuckerman: i have to say that Newt is a true idiot
Gregory: but i looove him
Zuckerman: we need to fix the economy
Burnett: Lazy sick people are going to bankrupt America
Gregory: why is Obama doing to so much
Burnett: Obama is moving at light speed - he needs to slow down and let the rest of us catch up
Gingrich: i will be proven right - we need to have an emergency dialog and admit that the Democrats cause all immorality
Gregory: we need a bigger bloat
Ahamed: the strong must help the weak
Gregory: Newt you said Obama is just like Nixon and Haldemen who were criminals
Newt: Exactly - objecting to Rush's hate will stop us from coming together as a nation - attacking Rush is partisan
Gregory: so Rush is the Republican party?
Newt: um no did I just say that?
Gregory: yes
Newt: this nation has to have once in a 100-year conversation about why homeless women should get free laptops unless they are having their period
Gregory: you're such an idea man!!
Sunday, March 08, 2009
Hardball - March 8, 2009
Hardball
March 8, 2009
*********************************
Tweety: OMG the Dow is the most important thing ever!!!!
Regan: No it’s about systemic business problems and not Obama
Tweety: so Trish what you are saying is that it's all Obama's fault
Stengel: it's like that famous chinese character
Tweety: which one?
Stengel: Fu Manchu
Tweety: so Obama’s Tax and Spend is scaring the money people
Parker: that is stupid
Page: no I disagree Kathleen no that is very, very stupid
Tweety: ok i know nothing about money - so let's talk about politics
Regan: there was hope and now there is disappointment
Tweety: oh that disappointing Obama!
Tweety: I love Rush Limbaugh because he defends capitalism
Page: that is so fucking moronic
Tweety: Rush Limbaugh’s have numbers have doubled and Obama’s have not
[smirks ]
Page: you can't double 80% approval stupid
Tweety: so what you are saying is Obama destroyed the stock market
Parker: um no idiot
Tweety: Obama - worst President ever?
Page: ha
Parker: you are a silly person
Tweey: OMG Limbaugh is very very important because he
invited Obama to debate him and Obama didn't!!!!
Page: [ mimics shooting self in head ]
Tweety: OMG I love Rush Limbaugh but he never he a pussy on his lap!!
Page: [ mimic hanging self ]
Tweety: OMG I may have to wank into my golden years!!!
Stengel: the good new is that stocks are way way down are are still overvalued
Tweety: the sharpies are coming!
Regan: you should put $1 million in the market now!
Page: capital is clogged up we need a financial Drano!
Tweety: I'm thinking of moving out of my parent's basement
Stengel: indeed if your home is martha's vineyard is two years old you need a new one
Tweety: your grandparents and grandchildren are competing for the same jobs at McDonald's
Parker: the illegals!
Tweety: who's an "illegal" - Jose or Bernie??
Tweety: tell me something cause i'm dumb
Regan: bet against the uro!
Tweety: Ha!
Stengel: what people don't realize is that the health system isn't perfect
Tweety: no!
Parker: obama will raise taxes in 2015
Tweety: oh noes!!
Page: Burris wins!!
Tweety: Wow!
March 8, 2009
*********************************
Tweety: OMG the Dow is the most important thing ever!!!!
Regan: No it’s about systemic business problems and not Obama
Tweety: so Trish what you are saying is that it's all Obama's fault
Stengel: it's like that famous chinese character
Tweety: which one?
Stengel: Fu Manchu
Tweety: so Obama’s Tax and Spend is scaring the money people
Parker: that is stupid
Page: no I disagree Kathleen no that is very, very stupid
Tweety: ok i know nothing about money - so let's talk about politics
Regan: there was hope and now there is disappointment
Tweety: oh that disappointing Obama!
Tweety: I love Rush Limbaugh because he defends capitalism
Page: that is so fucking moronic
Tweety: Rush Limbaugh’s have numbers have doubled and Obama’s have not
[smirks ]
Page: you can't double 80% approval stupid
Tweety: so what you are saying is Obama destroyed the stock market
Parker: um no idiot
Tweety: Obama - worst President ever?
Page: ha
Parker: you are a silly person
Tweey: OMG Limbaugh is very very important because he
invited Obama to debate him and Obama didn't!!!!
Page: [ mimics shooting self in head ]
Tweety: OMG I love Rush Limbaugh but he never he a pussy on his lap!!
Page: [ mimic hanging self ]
Tweety: OMG I may have to wank into my golden years!!!
Stengel: the good new is that stocks are way way down are are still overvalued
Tweety: the sharpies are coming!
Regan: you should put $1 million in the market now!
Page: capital is clogged up we need a financial Drano!
Tweety: I'm thinking of moving out of my parent's basement
Stengel: indeed if your home is martha's vineyard is two years old you need a new one
Tweety: your grandparents and grandchildren are competing for the same jobs at McDonald's
Parker: the illegals!
Tweety: who's an "illegal" - Jose or Bernie??
Tweety: tell me something cause i'm dumb
Regan: bet against the uro!
Tweety: Ha!
Stengel: what people don't realize is that the health system isn't perfect
Tweety: no!
Parker: obama will raise taxes in 2015
Tweety: oh noes!!
Page: Burris wins!!
Tweety: Wow!
Sunday, March 01, 2009
Meet The Press - March 1, 2009
Meet The Press
March 1, 2009
Host:
David Gregory
Guests:
Harold Ford
Joe Scarborough
Dee Dee Myers
Mike Murphy
***********************************
Gregory: holy shit Obama is reversing the ideas of ronald reagan!!
Scarborough: Obama is just another liberal big liberal spender like liberal George W Bush - it's so sad i thought we were getting change from the past eight years - finally some conservative government!
Murphy: It’s disappointing just because Republicans suck Obama is taking advantage of it to be liberal
Gregory: just terrible - as usual he is cheating by being popular
Murphy: if we're going to get a French Revolution we're should guillotine some peasants too out of fairness
Gregory: the Heritage Foundation say Obama is very unfair
Ford: oh please the rich control half the wealth in this nation and Republicans said Bill Clinton's first budget was going to kill America and they were proven fucking wrong
Scarborough: no the good economy in the 90s was due to good Republicans like Bill Clinton not a liberal Democrats like George Bush
Gregory: [high pitched squeaky voice ] OMG Congress is free-spending!!
Myers: so?
Gregory: but Judd Gregg says it's bad!!
Myers: Obama's trying to solve real problems dude
Murphy: there is not enough money for killing brown people in this budget but at least he did cut money for the elderly
Gregory: Where are the cuts?!? Where are the cuts?!?
Ford: you're like Ayn Rand with Tourette's
Scarborough: i'm so disappointed with Obama - i thought he was a conservative republican would eliminate Medicaid [ begins weeping ]
Murphy: indeed it's so so sad - so so disappointing
Gregory: omg i've been asleep since 1980 - spending is bad!!!!
Ford: Obama should be primaried by a young black man if the deficit is not cut in half in 4 years
Gregory: you said it!
Ford: Joe Scarborough is probably right
Obama: Bring it on fuckers!!
Myers: you want a piece of him!?!
Scarborough: it's like me threatening an intern
Murphy: it's such a trick - he's cheating because people want to live like the French
Ford: i disagree with Joe Scar - Obama should adopt some Republican policies!
Murphy: he's just like Bush!
Gregory: I want to talk about Republicans
Ford: weren't we?
Gregory: let me quote Rush Limbaugh
Audience: [ oh for god's sake ]
Murphy: we have to step back and figure out what the fuck went wrong with the GOP
Gregory: not dickish enough?
Murphy: we all worship ronald reagan
Gregory: of course
Murphy: but we must reach out to more people than the Rush-loving crazies
Gregory: tell us how Republicans can please restore Republican ideas please!
Scarborough: vote for a third party - "the RePUBlican party"
Murphy: the good news is that Obama has turned Left
Gregory: why is he such a terrible radical Lefty?
Ford: Because this is what Americans want
Murphy: France! The French! France!
Scarborough: only I know what works - I was so successful in Congress I had to quit
Ford: hey Bush got Dems to go along with him and look what that got him
Gregory: let's return to bashing Obama and shilling for Republicans
Ford: indeed Dancin’ Dave
Gregory: look at my running tally of Government Spending
Scarborough: i love you man
Gregory: wait I'm not finished - Obama also brought the Dow down!!!
Ford: Obama is crippled!!
Gregory: Obama will fail and people hate him!!
Scarborough: exactly - the National Debt is Obama's fault!!!
Gregory: so clearly the GOP will sweep in 2010
Scar: sure we all know that - but by then America will be fucked
Murphy: Democrats are worse that Republicans who got us into Iraq!!!
Scar: of course - vote RePUBlican!!
Gregory: please follow this fascinating discussion on my Twitter page DancinDave@twitter
March 1, 2009
Host:
David Gregory
Guests:
Harold Ford
Joe Scarborough
Dee Dee Myers
Mike Murphy
***********************************
Gregory: holy shit Obama is reversing the ideas of ronald reagan!!
Scarborough: Obama is just another liberal big liberal spender like liberal George W Bush - it's so sad i thought we were getting change from the past eight years - finally some conservative government!
Murphy: It’s disappointing just because Republicans suck Obama is taking advantage of it to be liberal
Gregory: just terrible - as usual he is cheating by being popular
Murphy: if we're going to get a French Revolution we're should guillotine some peasants too out of fairness
Gregory: the Heritage Foundation say Obama is very unfair
Ford: oh please the rich control half the wealth in this nation and Republicans said Bill Clinton's first budget was going to kill America and they were proven fucking wrong
Scarborough: no the good economy in the 90s was due to good Republicans like Bill Clinton not a liberal Democrats like George Bush
Gregory: [high pitched squeaky voice ] OMG Congress is free-spending!!
Myers: so?
Gregory: but Judd Gregg says it's bad!!
Myers: Obama's trying to solve real problems dude
Murphy: there is not enough money for killing brown people in this budget but at least he did cut money for the elderly
Gregory: Where are the cuts?!? Where are the cuts?!?
Ford: you're like Ayn Rand with Tourette's
Scarborough: i'm so disappointed with Obama - i thought he was a conservative republican would eliminate Medicaid [ begins weeping ]
Murphy: indeed it's so so sad - so so disappointing
Gregory: omg i've been asleep since 1980 - spending is bad!!!!
Ford: Obama should be primaried by a young black man if the deficit is not cut in half in 4 years
Gregory: you said it!
Ford: Joe Scarborough is probably right
Obama: Bring it on fuckers!!
Myers: you want a piece of him!?!
Scarborough: it's like me threatening an intern
Murphy: it's such a trick - he's cheating because people want to live like the French
Ford: i disagree with Joe Scar - Obama should adopt some Republican policies!
Murphy: he's just like Bush!
Gregory: I want to talk about Republicans
Ford: weren't we?
Gregory: let me quote Rush Limbaugh
Audience: [ oh for god's sake ]
Murphy: we have to step back and figure out what the fuck went wrong with the GOP
Gregory: not dickish enough?
Murphy: we all worship ronald reagan
Gregory: of course
Murphy: but we must reach out to more people than the Rush-loving crazies
Gregory: tell us how Republicans can please restore Republican ideas please!
Scarborough: vote for a third party - "the RePUBlican party"
Murphy: the good news is that Obama has turned Left
Gregory: why is he such a terrible radical Lefty?
Ford: Because this is what Americans want
Murphy: France! The French! France!
Scarborough: only I know what works - I was so successful in Congress I had to quit
Ford: hey Bush got Dems to go along with him and look what that got him
Gregory: let's return to bashing Obama and shilling for Republicans
Ford: indeed Dancin’ Dave
Gregory: look at my running tally of Government Spending
Scarborough: i love you man
Gregory: wait I'm not finished - Obama also brought the Dow down!!!
Ford: Obama is crippled!!
Gregory: Obama will fail and people hate him!!
Scarborough: exactly - the National Debt is Obama's fault!!!
Gregory: so clearly the GOP will sweep in 2010
Scar: sure we all know that - but by then America will be fucked
Murphy: Democrats are worse that Republicans who got us into Iraq!!!
Scar: of course - vote RePUBlican!!
Gregory: please follow this fascinating discussion on my Twitter page DancinDave@twitter
Face the Nation with Rahm Emmanuel - March 1, 2009
Face the Nation
March 1, 2009
Guest:
Rahm Emanuel
******************************************
Schieffer: OMG there are 9,000 earmarks!!
Emanuel: we will reduce them greatly
Schieffer: by how many?
Emanuel: down to 8,785
Schieffer: why not get rid of all earmarks unlike every President ever?
Emanuel: because fuck you
Schieffer: Republicans like Newt Gingrich say Obama is a bad man
Emanuel: um yeah fuck him Bob
Schieffer: this is probably the biggest budget since like ever
Emanuel: Probably?
Schieffer: eh I'm old
Emanuel: Asshole
Schieffer: Let me quote Newt Gingrich extensively on all your big spending and debt and socialist agenda
Emanuel: recall dipshit we inherited the debt and big spending and the lies
Schieffer: No!
Emanuel: i agree with Newt that Obama doesn’t want to subsidize big businesses and criminals and lies
Schieffer: no no no you are big spenders - i mean look at this funding for sick children and dental work - isn't this just Bridgework To Nowhere???
Emanuel: Fuck off old man
Schieffer: well ah do declah
Emanuel: We've have 30 years of a Republican Culture of Debts and Spending and Irresponsibility
Schieffer: Newt Gingrich says you will raise taxes on regular people
Emanuel: well he's lying
Schieffer: No!
Emanuel: Yes!
Emanuel: we're going back to the tax rates we had under Ronald Reagan
Schieffer: that damnned socialist!?
Emanuel: we also will help poor people, increase energy efficiency, and end stupid wars
Schieffer: speaking newt and of raising taxes on rich people
Emanuel: you senile bastard
Schieffer: what about the poor charities who will get no donations anymore??
Emanuel: you are a silly shill for Newt Gingrich
Schieffer: sorry he's got compromising pictures of me with some beavers
Emanuel: people are shocked Obama is keeping his promises
Schieffer: you failed to get bipartisanship - so sad
Emanuel: no we succeeded
Schieffer: but only you only got three GOP votes
Emanuel: no you liar we got lots on the employment bill and children's health and we got GOP Governors supporting the Stimulus
Schieffer: they don't count - everyone knows the GOP is represented six crazy House Members and Rush Limbaugh
Emanuel: ah the Leader of the GOP - who wants Obama to Fail
Schieffer: Indeed let’s talk Rush
Emanuel: Rush is the Intellectual Force of teh GOP and all Republicans grovel at his feet
Schieffer: you really believe that??
Emanuel: oh yeah they all kiss his fat boil-ridden pasty-white ass
Schieffer: Is Obama going to give GM $20 billion??
Emanuel: these assholes tried to sell us Hummers for 10 years
Schieffer: so what's the answer?
Emanuel: they will have to agree to support our energy and health care plans
Schieffer: very clever
Emanuel: That's the Chicago Way fucker
Schieffer: now liberal Democrats say Obama's not leaving Iraq fast enough
Emanuel: Nancy Pelosi - what's she gonna do, impeach Obama??
Schieffer: maybe
Emanuel: she can impeach my ass
Schieffer: will the Commanders follow Obama
Emanuel: you bet they will fucker
Schieffer: Can you really expect Congress to get something done?
Emanuel: they will or I will take a crowbar to their car windshields
Schieffer: what if that doens't work?
Emanuel: i go after their families
Schieffer: sounds like Mexico
Emanuel: i gotta admit i like their style
Emanuel: we're going to sic Napolitano on the Mexican drug dealer's ass
Schieffer: is she up to it?
Emanuel: she's an Italian from the American West - her grandmother will kill you
Schieffer: okay then
March 1, 2009
Guest:
Rahm Emanuel
******************************************
Schieffer: OMG there are 9,000 earmarks!!
Emanuel: we will reduce them greatly
Schieffer: by how many?
Emanuel: down to 8,785
Schieffer: why not get rid of all earmarks unlike every President ever?
Emanuel: because fuck you
Schieffer: Republicans like Newt Gingrich say Obama is a bad man
Emanuel: um yeah fuck him Bob
Schieffer: this is probably the biggest budget since like ever
Emanuel: Probably?
Schieffer: eh I'm old
Emanuel: Asshole
Schieffer: Let me quote Newt Gingrich extensively on all your big spending and debt and socialist agenda
Emanuel: recall dipshit we inherited the debt and big spending and the lies
Schieffer: No!
Emanuel: i agree with Newt that Obama doesn’t want to subsidize big businesses and criminals and lies
Schieffer: no no no you are big spenders - i mean look at this funding for sick children and dental work - isn't this just Bridgework To Nowhere???
Emanuel: Fuck off old man
Schieffer: well ah do declah
Emanuel: We've have 30 years of a Republican Culture of Debts and Spending and Irresponsibility
Schieffer: Newt Gingrich says you will raise taxes on regular people
Emanuel: well he's lying
Schieffer: No!
Emanuel: Yes!
Emanuel: we're going back to the tax rates we had under Ronald Reagan
Schieffer: that damnned socialist!?
Emanuel: we also will help poor people, increase energy efficiency, and end stupid wars
Schieffer: speaking newt and of raising taxes on rich people
Emanuel: you senile bastard
Schieffer: what about the poor charities who will get no donations anymore??
Emanuel: you are a silly shill for Newt Gingrich
Schieffer: sorry he's got compromising pictures of me with some beavers
Emanuel: people are shocked Obama is keeping his promises
Schieffer: you failed to get bipartisanship - so sad
Emanuel: no we succeeded
Schieffer: but only you only got three GOP votes
Emanuel: no you liar we got lots on the employment bill and children's health and we got GOP Governors supporting the Stimulus
Schieffer: they don't count - everyone knows the GOP is represented six crazy House Members and Rush Limbaugh
Emanuel: ah the Leader of the GOP - who wants Obama to Fail
Schieffer: Indeed let’s talk Rush
Emanuel: Rush is the Intellectual Force of teh GOP and all Republicans grovel at his feet
Schieffer: you really believe that??
Emanuel: oh yeah they all kiss his fat boil-ridden pasty-white ass
Schieffer: Is Obama going to give GM $20 billion??
Emanuel: these assholes tried to sell us Hummers for 10 years
Schieffer: so what's the answer?
Emanuel: they will have to agree to support our energy and health care plans
Schieffer: very clever
Emanuel: That's the Chicago Way fucker
Schieffer: now liberal Democrats say Obama's not leaving Iraq fast enough
Emanuel: Nancy Pelosi - what's she gonna do, impeach Obama??
Schieffer: maybe
Emanuel: she can impeach my ass
Schieffer: will the Commanders follow Obama
Emanuel: you bet they will fucker
Schieffer: Can you really expect Congress to get something done?
Emanuel: they will or I will take a crowbar to their car windshields
Schieffer: what if that doens't work?
Emanuel: i go after their families
Schieffer: sounds like Mexico
Emanuel: i gotta admit i like their style
Emanuel: we're going to sic Napolitano on the Mexican drug dealer's ass
Schieffer: is she up to it?
Emanuel: she's an Italian from the American West - her grandmother will kill you
Schieffer: okay then
The Chris Matthews Show - March 1, 2009
The Chris Matthews Show
March 1, 2009
*******************************
Matthews: OMG Obama is actually going to withdraw from Iraq!!!
Mitchell: the Iraq war is no fun anymore -- it's time to fuck up Afghanistan!!!
Ignatius: Obama is going to do it thoughtfully - he's such a hypocrite!!
Cooper: we're remissioning and withdrawing at night
Matthews: Noctural remissions!!?!
Inskeep: NPR says our soldiers are teh best!!!
Tweety: will Obama stay in Iraq forever??
Mitchell: he promised he would withdraw and he will
Tweety: that's what all men say
Ignatius: this is Obama's Vietnam
Tweety: So he will stay for a decade and bloggers will be mad
Ignatius: no he won’t - how many ways do you have to hear it??
Matthews: Talk Taliban to me
Mitchell: Afghanistan is Obama's Korea
Cooper: Obama is going to Surge in Afghanistan and look for Al Qaeda
Tweety: maybe they’re on that island in Lost
Inskeep: We can't breathe too hard or we will destablize Pakistan
Ignatius: thank god Obama is going to tell the bloggers fuck off and join the DC consensus and realize there is no military solution in Afghanistan
Matthews: isn't that what bloggers have been saying all along?
Ignatius: yes but DC pundits believe that but want to stay anyway
Tweety: OMG Congressmen are Twittering!!!
bobgraham@tweety: oh man i wuz ahead of my time
Matthews: OMG has Obama already turned America around!?!
Cooper: the Stimulus will make Americans happy and shiny people
Inskeep: Obama is already a failure - even is the stimulus works because it will be government spending
Matthews: awwww
Inskeep: NPR says the deficits are bad!!
Mitchell: we have to give the banks a trillion dollars even though it's very unpopular
Ignatius: the good news prices have fallen so low things can't get any worse
Matthews: what's the bad news?
Ignatius: CEOs have no fucking clue what they're doing
Tweety: tell me things I don’t know!
Cooper: Bibi will reach out Syria
Tweety: he's from Philly!
Inskeep: Iran is like China - they will sell us crappy goods in exchange for us ignoring human rights
Mitchell: Our Vatican Embassy is too big and ugly so we hired a cranky dude to paint the ceiling
Inskeep: the only secure thing in the world in the US dollar
Tweety: [ waves dollar ] hoo boy!!
Obama: i will win over the Cantor!
Tweety: can Obama win anything?
Inskeep: who cares - Obama sucks
Mitchell: Obama will win when he eliminates social security
Ignatius: i want just the kids off my lawn
Matthews: watch me tonight on Celebrity Pundit Apprentice on CNBC 2!!
*****************************
March 1, 2009
*******************************
Matthews: OMG Obama is actually going to withdraw from Iraq!!!
Mitchell: the Iraq war is no fun anymore -- it's time to fuck up Afghanistan!!!
Ignatius: Obama is going to do it thoughtfully - he's such a hypocrite!!
Cooper: we're remissioning and withdrawing at night
Matthews: Noctural remissions!!?!
Inskeep: NPR says our soldiers are teh best!!!
Tweety: will Obama stay in Iraq forever??
Mitchell: he promised he would withdraw and he will
Tweety: that's what all men say
Ignatius: this is Obama's Vietnam
Tweety: So he will stay for a decade and bloggers will be mad
Ignatius: no he won’t - how many ways do you have to hear it??
Matthews: Talk Taliban to me
Mitchell: Afghanistan is Obama's Korea
Cooper: Obama is going to Surge in Afghanistan and look for Al Qaeda
Tweety: maybe they’re on that island in Lost
Inskeep: We can't breathe too hard or we will destablize Pakistan
Ignatius: thank god Obama is going to tell the bloggers fuck off and join the DC consensus and realize there is no military solution in Afghanistan
Matthews: isn't that what bloggers have been saying all along?
Ignatius: yes but DC pundits believe that but want to stay anyway
Tweety: OMG Congressmen are Twittering!!!
bobgraham@tweety: oh man i wuz ahead of my time
Matthews: OMG has Obama already turned America around!?!
Cooper: the Stimulus will make Americans happy and shiny people
Inskeep: Obama is already a failure - even is the stimulus works because it will be government spending
Matthews: awwww
Inskeep: NPR says the deficits are bad!!
Mitchell: we have to give the banks a trillion dollars even though it's very unpopular
Ignatius: the good news prices have fallen so low things can't get any worse
Matthews: what's the bad news?
Ignatius: CEOs have no fucking clue what they're doing
Tweety: tell me things I don’t know!
Cooper: Bibi will reach out Syria
Tweety: he's from Philly!
Inskeep: Iran is like China - they will sell us crappy goods in exchange for us ignoring human rights
Mitchell: Our Vatican Embassy is too big and ugly so we hired a cranky dude to paint the ceiling
Inskeep: the only secure thing in the world in the US dollar
Tweety: [ waves dollar ] hoo boy!!
Obama: i will win over the Cantor!
Tweety: can Obama win anything?
Inskeep: who cares - Obama sucks
Mitchell: Obama will win when he eliminates social security
Ignatius: i want just the kids off my lawn
Matthews: watch me tonight on Celebrity Pundit Apprentice on CNBC 2!!
*****************************
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Meet The Press - February 15, 2009
Meet The Press
February 15, 2009
****************************
Gregory: Obama is claiming victory - so sell me on the stimulus
Axelrod: our first mission to avoid catastrophe
Gregory: are we aiming for mere misery?
Axelrod: sort of - but we're going to give people jobs and rebuild America at the same time
Gregory: two birds one stone
Axelrod: right
Gregory: will this prevent unemployment reaching 10.0%??
Axelrod: maybe - let's face it, Stupid really fucked up
Gregory: i have some shocking news - McCain's advisor doesn't like your plan
Axelrod: holy shit! [ jumps out window ]
Gregory: come back!
Axelrod: ok [ climbs back in ]
Gregory: Paul Krugman says you're not spending enough
Axelrod: we have a Goldilocks Bill
Gregory: not too much and not little?
Axelrod: exactly it's just right
Gregory: what if you fail?
Axelrod: maybe I'll take your job Greggers
Gregory: The Economist magazine says your bill spend on pork instead of job creation
Axelrod: unlike throwing $9 billion out of an airplane
Gregory: but that was before when money was free
Axelrod: oh right i forgot
Gregory: what else?
Axelrod: we're going to cut taxes and rebuild schools
Gregory: but you're depending on a psychological bounce - while the media is determined to destroy you
Axelrod: but then you'll lose your jobs too!
Gregory: we don't think that far ahead
Gregory: Republicans say your bill was not Republican enough
Axelrod: such a shame - one more GOP bill and we would be invaded by Micronesia
Gregory: also they said you spend you too much
Axelrod: i never heard much about 'generational theft' when the GOP was spending like drunken sailors on tax cuts for their rich friends
Gregory: would you concede it was a mistake to let Democrats write this bill
Axelrod: on sure maybe we should have let Lindsey Graham write it - then it would have really really big debts and higher taxes on poor people
Gregory: now you're talking!
Axelrod: i was kidding Dancin’ Dave
Gregory: Speaking of Republican objections to the bill -
Axelrod: were we?
Gregory: yes - buried in the bill you will have 15 people who will destroy doctors and patients all across America
Axelrod: yes that's exactly what computerized records will do
Gregory: but the Star Chamber Medical Council is allowed to sieze kidneys from people off the street!!!
Axelrod: only white people
Gregory: why you do hate the Chinese and India?
Axelrod: they give me heartburn
Gregory: Wall Street bonuses?
Axelrod: we're not terribly worried about the politcal fallout of going after ovrepaid exectives
Gregory: so sad
Gregory: talk to me about rescuing banks and your idiot puppet Geithner
Axelrod: so the Dow dropped who cares what those idiots think this is all their fault
Gregory: but no one knows what your plan is
Axelrod: it's a secret
Gregory: Nationalize banks?
Axelrod: you mean like the FDIC?
Gregory: never heard of it
Gregory: Should all Americans get a free house?
Axelrod: home values are going down which is very sad
Gregory: but the overvalued homes!
Axelrod: it's a tough problem
Gregory: also should Auto companies go on welfare?
Axelrod: why not bikes or skateboards or shoe companies?
Gregory: Can America survive GM going bankrupt?
Axelrod: only if the unions agree to work for $5 an hour
Gregory: Judd Gregg bravely ran away - what happened
Axelrod: it turned out we wanted a free Democratic seat and he wanted to count only white people in the next census
Gregory: irreconiliable differnces
Gregory: who will get dumped in Commerce?
Axelrod: well he hates Harold Ford - so maybe him
Gregory: Dick Cheney says you love terrorists, hate America, and are too naive to electrify someone's testicles
Axelrod: so much to fun to hear from Dick again - no wonder people hate him so
Gregory: are you having fun being near-President
Axelrod: yeah but i have to stop watching cable tv - it's rotting my brain
Gregory: OMG Obama was the big winner of the week! And he was the Loser of the Week!!
Robinson: oh fer gawd's sake he got an $800 billion spending bill through Congress!!
Gregory: last Sunday everyone in D.C. wrote Obama off - did we speak too soon?
Brownstein: of course this is an amazing achievement - only the pundits could freak out because he didn't get enough GOP votes
Simon: Look Obama had a big win and Obama wins by being rejected by the GOP
Gregory: whoa that's crazy
Straseel: well now we see how the GOP will proceed - thanking Obama for reaching out to them and whining and crying to the media
Gregory: Obama believes in government and the GOP does not
Robinson: it's absurd and insane
Brownstein: for god's sake this week they voted for an alternative bill that would have cost more!!!
Gregory: but that's Bush's very successful policy - ha just kidding
Brownstein: right - we should have an election on that - ha ha
Strassel: no fair people love tax cuts and Obama is the real hypocrite for spending more
Greogry: oh?
Strassel: People are talking about the deficit - it's the next big story
Brownstein: which people?
Strassel: the people I hang out with
Brownstein: where's that?
Strassel: the Starbucks next door to teh Cato Institute
Simon: i hear you but for god's sake the debt is not the biggest problem right now
Robinson: people who have lost their jobs don't care about the fucking debt
Brownstein: obama has things he wants to achieve but also is willing to change tactics to get what he wants
Gregory: fascinating - he's the unBush!
Strassel: Obama failed but not working with liberals
Gregory: he got every vote in Congress
Strassel: but liberal bloggers still aren't happy
Simon: the bank bailout rewards bad behavior
Gregory: well i work for cable news so i can relate to to that
Simon: people hate this process
Gregory: yeah but the populists are wrong - we must reward the Fucktards
Robinson: we must punish the fucktards a little
Brownstein: the real choice America faces is between Japanese Models and Swedish Models
Gregory: plaid miniskirts or bikinis?
Brownstein: these are incredible times
Gregory: how come no one can make any money in America??
Simon: Even Biden thinks we might fail
Robinson: America has dug a whole since 1981 and it won't be easy to get out
Gregory: those were fun times
Gregory: are Americans prepared to get work in sweatshops for a generation?
Brownstein: yes but only people under 75
February 15, 2009
****************************
Gregory: Obama is claiming victory - so sell me on the stimulus
Axelrod: our first mission to avoid catastrophe
Gregory: are we aiming for mere misery?
Axelrod: sort of - but we're going to give people jobs and rebuild America at the same time
Gregory: two birds one stone
Axelrod: right
Gregory: will this prevent unemployment reaching 10.0%??
Axelrod: maybe - let's face it, Stupid really fucked up
Gregory: i have some shocking news - McCain's advisor doesn't like your plan
Axelrod: holy shit! [ jumps out window ]
Gregory: come back!
Axelrod: ok [ climbs back in ]
Gregory: Paul Krugman says you're not spending enough
Axelrod: we have a Goldilocks Bill
Gregory: not too much and not little?
Axelrod: exactly it's just right
Gregory: what if you fail?
Axelrod: maybe I'll take your job Greggers
Gregory: The Economist magazine says your bill spend on pork instead of job creation
Axelrod: unlike throwing $9 billion out of an airplane
Gregory: but that was before when money was free
Axelrod: oh right i forgot
Gregory: what else?
Axelrod: we're going to cut taxes and rebuild schools
Gregory: but you're depending on a psychological bounce - while the media is determined to destroy you
Axelrod: but then you'll lose your jobs too!
Gregory: we don't think that far ahead
Gregory: Republicans say your bill was not Republican enough
Axelrod: such a shame - one more GOP bill and we would be invaded by Micronesia
Gregory: also they said you spend you too much
Axelrod: i never heard much about 'generational theft' when the GOP was spending like drunken sailors on tax cuts for their rich friends
Gregory: would you concede it was a mistake to let Democrats write this bill
Axelrod: on sure maybe we should have let Lindsey Graham write it - then it would have really really big debts and higher taxes on poor people
Gregory: now you're talking!
Axelrod: i was kidding Dancin’ Dave
Gregory: Speaking of Republican objections to the bill -
Axelrod: were we?
Gregory: yes - buried in the bill you will have 15 people who will destroy doctors and patients all across America
Axelrod: yes that's exactly what computerized records will do
Gregory: but the Star Chamber Medical Council is allowed to sieze kidneys from people off the street!!!
Axelrod: only white people
Gregory: why you do hate the Chinese and India?
Axelrod: they give me heartburn
Gregory: Wall Street bonuses?
Axelrod: we're not terribly worried about the politcal fallout of going after ovrepaid exectives
Gregory: so sad
Gregory: talk to me about rescuing banks and your idiot puppet Geithner
Axelrod: so the Dow dropped who cares what those idiots think this is all their fault
Gregory: but no one knows what your plan is
Axelrod: it's a secret
Gregory: Nationalize banks?
Axelrod: you mean like the FDIC?
Gregory: never heard of it
Gregory: Should all Americans get a free house?
Axelrod: home values are going down which is very sad
Gregory: but the overvalued homes!
Axelrod: it's a tough problem
Gregory: also should Auto companies go on welfare?
Axelrod: why not bikes or skateboards or shoe companies?
Gregory: Can America survive GM going bankrupt?
Axelrod: only if the unions agree to work for $5 an hour
Gregory: Judd Gregg bravely ran away - what happened
Axelrod: it turned out we wanted a free Democratic seat and he wanted to count only white people in the next census
Gregory: irreconiliable differnces
Gregory: who will get dumped in Commerce?
Axelrod: well he hates Harold Ford - so maybe him
Gregory: Dick Cheney says you love terrorists, hate America, and are too naive to electrify someone's testicles
Axelrod: so much to fun to hear from Dick again - no wonder people hate him so
Gregory: are you having fun being near-President
Axelrod: yeah but i have to stop watching cable tv - it's rotting my brain
Gregory: OMG Obama was the big winner of the week! And he was the Loser of the Week!!
Robinson: oh fer gawd's sake he got an $800 billion spending bill through Congress!!
Gregory: last Sunday everyone in D.C. wrote Obama off - did we speak too soon?
Brownstein: of course this is an amazing achievement - only the pundits could freak out because he didn't get enough GOP votes
Simon: Look Obama had a big win and Obama wins by being rejected by the GOP
Gregory: whoa that's crazy
Straseel: well now we see how the GOP will proceed - thanking Obama for reaching out to them and whining and crying to the media
Gregory: Obama believes in government and the GOP does not
Robinson: it's absurd and insane
Brownstein: for god's sake this week they voted for an alternative bill that would have cost more!!!
Gregory: but that's Bush's very successful policy - ha just kidding
Brownstein: right - we should have an election on that - ha ha
Strassel: no fair people love tax cuts and Obama is the real hypocrite for spending more
Greogry: oh?
Strassel: People are talking about the deficit - it's the next big story
Brownstein: which people?
Strassel: the people I hang out with
Brownstein: where's that?
Strassel: the Starbucks next door to teh Cato Institute
Simon: i hear you but for god's sake the debt is not the biggest problem right now
Robinson: people who have lost their jobs don't care about the fucking debt
Brownstein: obama has things he wants to achieve but also is willing to change tactics to get what he wants
Gregory: fascinating - he's the unBush!
Strassel: Obama failed but not working with liberals
Gregory: he got every vote in Congress
Strassel: but liberal bloggers still aren't happy
Simon: the bank bailout rewards bad behavior
Gregory: well i work for cable news so i can relate to to that
Simon: people hate this process
Gregory: yeah but the populists are wrong - we must reward the Fucktards
Robinson: we must punish the fucktards a little
Brownstein: the real choice America faces is between Japanese Models and Swedish Models
Gregory: plaid miniskirts or bikinis?
Brownstein: these are incredible times
Gregory: how come no one can make any money in America??
Simon: Even Biden thinks we might fail
Robinson: America has dug a whole since 1981 and it won't be easy to get out
Gregory: those were fun times
Gregory: are Americans prepared to get work in sweatshops for a generation?
Brownstein: yes but only people under 75
The Chris Matthews Show - February 15, 2009
The Chris Matthews Show
February 15, 2009
*********************
Matthews: OMG Obama failed to get GOP votes when he got his bill passed!!!
Obama: i didn't want to spend to fix Republicans' fuck-ups
Fineman: Obama did fail to get GOP votes but he did sort of get what he wanted
Kay: i don't think it matters how many GOP votes he got - after all the bill passed
Matthews: Obama told us to vote against him if there is no magic recovery
Guthrie: privately they will admit Obama failed in getting GOP votes
Matthews: What else went wrong?
Guthrie: Liberals loaded it with frivolous pork
Matthews: oh noes
Sullivan: ha ha ha the GOP discovered fiscal conservatism - they're insane and hypocrites
Matthews: but we're in a crisis
Sullivan: which is their fault!
Matthews: but they're the daddy party
Kay: you're so weird
Matthews: Daddyyyyyyy
Matthews: sure obama may rescue America's economy - but what about univerasal health care and flying cars?
Guthrie: there's long-term plans there for example Green jobs
Matthews: do you like Horse and Rabbit stew
Fineman: yes Chris the Democrats are screwed
Matthews: is that what I asked?
Fineman: yes
Matthews: Ha Dems hate bipartisanship!
Matthews: Will the Dems stay united??
Sullivan: we have to persuade the Chinese to keep lending us money by making elderly people get second jobs
Matthews: how does he win a second term
Sullivan: to be a real fiscal conservative
Fineman: he's going to need the GOP
Guthrie: the GOP will eventually give in to the Democrats
Matthews: oh of course also Lucy will someday hold that football
Matthews: OMG PEW poll says we're in a Depression!! - we're all eating a McDonald's and riding Greyhoud!
Fineman: taking the bus?
Matthews: no i'm riding an actual greyhound to work
Kay: Americans need to change their whole lifestyles
Fineman: the American dream is to win a world war and live better off the misery of others
Guthrie: Obama is bringing us down with all his talk about sacrifice
Matthews: why not
Guthrie: what about layaway? Americans are so selfish for not borrowing more!
Sully: exactly i live like a peon in my gilden cage with velvet pillow
Matthews: really?
Sully: what can I say I'm weird
Kay: We're going to have spend 100% of GDP
Tweety: wow!
Fineman: the census is coming which means we have to count all the brown people
Guthrie: the Obamas watched Bejamin Button in the White House last Sunday
Tweety: did they like it?
Guthrie: I'll let you know when it ends
Sullivan: Obama will nationalise banks
Tweety: wow i never knew that
Sully: it's stealth nationalisation - first he replaces all the pens with ones with the White House logo and Obama's face one them
Matthews: investigate torture
Kay: nah why bother
Fineman: the House will go first
Guthrie: Obama isn't going to do it
Sullivan: you're missing the point - the Court system will have to investigate lawsuits which will be filed
Tweets: oh my
February 15, 2009
*********************
Matthews: OMG Obama failed to get GOP votes when he got his bill passed!!!
Obama: i didn't want to spend to fix Republicans' fuck-ups
Fineman: Obama did fail to get GOP votes but he did sort of get what he wanted
Kay: i don't think it matters how many GOP votes he got - after all the bill passed
Matthews: Obama told us to vote against him if there is no magic recovery
Guthrie: privately they will admit Obama failed in getting GOP votes
Matthews: What else went wrong?
Guthrie: Liberals loaded it with frivolous pork
Matthews: oh noes
Sullivan: ha ha ha the GOP discovered fiscal conservatism - they're insane and hypocrites
Matthews: but we're in a crisis
Sullivan: which is their fault!
Matthews: but they're the daddy party
Kay: you're so weird
Matthews: Daddyyyyyyy
Matthews: sure obama may rescue America's economy - but what about univerasal health care and flying cars?
Guthrie: there's long-term plans there for example Green jobs
Matthews: do you like Horse and Rabbit stew
Fineman: yes Chris the Democrats are screwed
Matthews: is that what I asked?
Fineman: yes
Matthews: Ha Dems hate bipartisanship!
Matthews: Will the Dems stay united??
Sullivan: we have to persuade the Chinese to keep lending us money by making elderly people get second jobs
Matthews: how does he win a second term
Sullivan: to be a real fiscal conservative
Fineman: he's going to need the GOP
Guthrie: the GOP will eventually give in to the Democrats
Matthews: oh of course also Lucy will someday hold that football
Matthews: OMG PEW poll says we're in a Depression!! - we're all eating a McDonald's and riding Greyhoud!
Fineman: taking the bus?
Matthews: no i'm riding an actual greyhound to work
Kay: Americans need to change their whole lifestyles
Fineman: the American dream is to win a world war and live better off the misery of others
Guthrie: Obama is bringing us down with all his talk about sacrifice
Matthews: why not
Guthrie: what about layaway? Americans are so selfish for not borrowing more!
Sully: exactly i live like a peon in my gilden cage with velvet pillow
Matthews: really?
Sully: what can I say I'm weird
Kay: We're going to have spend 100% of GDP
Tweety: wow!
Fineman: the census is coming which means we have to count all the brown people
Guthrie: the Obamas watched Bejamin Button in the White House last Sunday
Tweety: did they like it?
Guthrie: I'll let you know when it ends
Sullivan: Obama will nationalise banks
Tweety: wow i never knew that
Sully: it's stealth nationalisation - first he replaces all the pens with ones with the White House logo and Obama's face one them
Matthews: investigate torture
Kay: nah why bother
Fineman: the House will go first
Guthrie: Obama isn't going to do it
Sullivan: you're missing the point - the Court system will have to investigate lawsuits which will be filed
Tweets: oh my
Monday, February 09, 2009
Obama Press Conference - February 9, 2009
*****************************
Press Conference
President Barack Obama
Monday, February 9, 2009
******************************
Obama: Hi - Today I was in one of the shittiest economic places in America - in fact local tv interrupt stories about Michael Phelps to tell viewers that their lives really really suck
Audience: ooooh
Obama: if you are still an ignorant fucktard, I suggest you pull your head out of your ass
Now I plan to create 4 million jobs if only the Ayn Randians would kindly get the fuck out of the way
Audience: yeahhh
Obama: we will give $2500 for college, $1,000 to working people, and a dollar for everyone to get the tv they used to get for free
Audience: okayyy
Obama: we're going to invest in roads, bridges, and community theatre - dams, levees, turbines, and goose-resistant planes
Audience: ahhhhh
Obama: and police, firefighters, and increased steriod surveillance for our professional athletes
The Chamber of Commerce and the AFL-CIO Agree: I'm actually black
Audience: wow
Obama: there are no earmarks, pet projects, or money for cats or dogs
Cats: grrrrrrrr
Obama: hey dudes I inherited Bush's crappy economy - and now I Barack Obama am here to fulfill my role of destiny and be America's Magic Negro and rescue you sad, sad white people
AP: Bam you said that America will fail - why do hate America?
Obama: i was talking the language of science - granted, not a real one, economics - but nevertheless i was telling the truth
AP: isn't that highly irresponsible when you run a fake Empire
Obama: hey baby this is the worst the Epic Depression
AP: you mean Great Depression
Obama: no i was talking about the Fall of the Roman Empire
Obama: look some people have this philosphy from Ayn Rand who think FDR was wrong to implement the New Deal and also giving women and darkies the right to vote
Beck: say amen
Obama: genius white people gave me a trillion dollar debt - so if you didn't want this mutt in charge you should't have made me your dictator
Beck: say wha?
Obama: read the fine print doofus
Obama: i sick of motherfuckin snakes on motherfucking planes!!!
AP: to what are you fucking referring?
Obama: fuckin executives on fucking private jets!!
AP: but but the Republicans
Obama: Failed! Epically!
Reuters: Iran - nuke or carpet bomb?
Obama: they're so bellicose - it's very distasteful to someone like me who prefers subtler methods like Jedi mind tricks
Reuters: this isn't the question i was looking for
Obama: sorry about that - anyway I will sit across the table and tell Ahmedinejad very very frankly - nukes are unacceptable and 'dood, Members Only is way out of fashion'
BipartisanChip: What went wrong with your failed Presidency?
Obama: it's the fault of the Atwater-Gingrich-Rove Republicans -- dood I did everything I could to reach out to those lunatics and maybe someday they will stop acting like little babies and when that day comes my door will be open - until then I am the daddy and they are little kids and now it's time for Dad to go to work
Audience: oooo
Obama: there's a set of folks who want to negotiate by saying hey my offer is this nothing - well I'm black not italian and i think we should do something and for the non-dishonest Senators i'd like to have that conversation
Reporter: but the pork!
Obama: ha ha ha yeah coming from the party of waste fraud and abuse and big spending and debts I want to laugh at them, cry and then tell them to fuck off
Obama: I hear Republicans say 'why would you weatherize a building when you could throw that money out of an airplane in a foreign country'??
Reporter: right
Obama: it's like they take pride in being ignorant!
Audience: heh
Obama: or take efficiency in health care - doctors can't write or use computers - or take schools at Harvard one schools is from the 1700s it's terrible!
Reporter: ooh that's true
C-Todd: Sir isn't spending what ruined this economy and isn't it better for people to be noble and poor?
Obama: Toddster I do believe that goatee has sucked the brains outta your haid!
Todd: mooooan
Obama: i know what happened - crazy banks lent money to ever whackjob biped with a name and the ability to sign - well the motherfucking party is over
Todd: [ removes party hat ]
Obama: i didn't come in here ginned up to spend $800 billion on wave pools I had hoped to blow it on the awesomest party ever
Americans: fuck yeah
Obama: calm down -- now in the future my Presidency will be all about being responsible
Americans: [ put away party favors ]
Reporter: tell us the bad news Bam
Bam: The bad news? The bad news??!! Teh bad news is that George Bush was President for 8 years
Reporter: oh
Bam: we barely averted the disaster that was his term in office and now I am in charge and that means no more free rides for obscenely wealthy well-connected idiots from the scum on top of gene pool!
Idiots: aw shit
apper: Sir we are in freefall - how can we as journalists report when your Presidency has officially failed?
Obama: Snake I will create 4 million jobs, then i will restore the credit markets, the restore the housing values, after that i will grow the economy - then finally i will reverse the spin of the earth and bring terry schiavo back to life
Tapped: [ takes notes furiously ] 'spin of earth = fail'
Stupid Ed Henry: will your fulfill pledge to pull all troops out of Afghanistan?
Obama: no i said i would increase troops there and pull them out of Iraq
Ed: oh did you I was in the bathroom in 2008
Obama: it's very sobering to sign all those letters for killed soldiers
Bush: that's why i got lickered up Bammy
[ throws shoe at tv, misses ]
shit
Obama: hey remember how wonderful 9/11 was and we remember it like it was the best fucking day ever well it turns it wasn't so great
American: [ sighs gushes over 9/11 memory ]
Cooper: will require banks to stop using free money on champagne baths and sprinking diamonds on their cereal?
Obama: all i want is for them to use the money to stop eating poor people alive
Garrett: Joe Biden said your Presidency will probably fail - is he right?
Obama: oh joe joe joe - you do realize I hired someone just bumbling enough to make me look good don't you?
Garrett: really?
Obama: plus he's funniest gentile i know
Fletcher: Did you know A-Rod was on the Juice?
Obama: It's too bad because it shows you can be a good looking biracial successful young man and still fuck up
Thomas: Bam Harry Truman once told me i hope one day a black man has access to bomb
Obama: it was always my dream too
Thomas: Pakistan
Obama: it's not acceptable to have whackos living in mountainous caves with impunity - hell with DirectTV they get more NFL games than we do!
Thomas: oh noe
Obama: I will work with Vlad to lean on the Pakistanis - cause they are waaaay crazeee
Huffington Post: Truth and Reconciliation Commision on prosecuting Stupid and Dr. Evil?
Obama: i have this crazy idea about following the law and keeping us safe - now is Mr. Potter broke the law he should be prosecuted just like George Bailey was
Potter: dagnabit
Liasson: will you fail on getting votes from Goppers from now on?
Obama: Mara like i said - all that needs to happen is for the Republican party to sit down, shut the fuck up, and pull their heads out of their goddam asses
GOP: gorp!
Obama: by the way Mara if I had brought the GOP in any earlier they would have been there when my Kenyan father had made sweet love to my white momma
Mara: oh my
Obama: oh did i mention these closeted fuckers have no credibility on anything at all???
Mara: oh poo
Obama: i'm sorry but these assholes piss me off
Obama: now this is what these fuckers do on everything - economics, global warming, flat earth, they just pretend that there is debate and trot out non-experts and it's all fucking bullshit
Mara: but but
Obama: no look I am the eternal optimist that someday the GOP will stop being obstructionist dicks but that's just the kind of happy go lucky motherfucker I am
Good night - i said 'good night fuckers!'
***********************************************
Press Conference
President Barack Obama
Monday, February 9, 2009
******************************
Obama: Hi - Today I was in one of the shittiest economic places in America - in fact local tv interrupt stories about Michael Phelps to tell viewers that their lives really really suck
Audience: ooooh
Obama: if you are still an ignorant fucktard, I suggest you pull your head out of your ass
Now I plan to create 4 million jobs if only the Ayn Randians would kindly get the fuck out of the way
Audience: yeahhh
Obama: we will give $2500 for college, $1,000 to working people, and a dollar for everyone to get the tv they used to get for free
Audience: okayyy
Obama: we're going to invest in roads, bridges, and community theatre - dams, levees, turbines, and goose-resistant planes
Audience: ahhhhh
Obama: and police, firefighters, and increased steriod surveillance for our professional athletes
The Chamber of Commerce and the AFL-CIO Agree: I'm actually black
Audience: wow
Obama: there are no earmarks, pet projects, or money for cats or dogs
Cats: grrrrrrrr
Obama: hey dudes I inherited Bush's crappy economy - and now I Barack Obama am here to fulfill my role of destiny and be America's Magic Negro and rescue you sad, sad white people
AP: Bam you said that America will fail - why do hate America?
Obama: i was talking the language of science - granted, not a real one, economics - but nevertheless i was telling the truth
AP: isn't that highly irresponsible when you run a fake Empire
Obama: hey baby this is the worst the Epic Depression
AP: you mean Great Depression
Obama: no i was talking about the Fall of the Roman Empire
Obama: look some people have this philosphy from Ayn Rand who think FDR was wrong to implement the New Deal and also giving women and darkies the right to vote
Beck: say amen
Obama: genius white people gave me a trillion dollar debt - so if you didn't want this mutt in charge you should't have made me your dictator
Beck: say wha?
Obama: read the fine print doofus
Obama: i sick of motherfuckin snakes on motherfucking planes!!!
AP: to what are you fucking referring?
Obama: fuckin executives on fucking private jets!!
AP: but but the Republicans
Obama: Failed! Epically!
Reuters: Iran - nuke or carpet bomb?
Obama: they're so bellicose - it's very distasteful to someone like me who prefers subtler methods like Jedi mind tricks
Reuters: this isn't the question i was looking for
Obama: sorry about that - anyway I will sit across the table and tell Ahmedinejad very very frankly - nukes are unacceptable and 'dood, Members Only is way out of fashion'
BipartisanChip: What went wrong with your failed Presidency?
Obama: it's the fault of the Atwater-Gingrich-Rove Republicans -- dood I did everything I could to reach out to those lunatics and maybe someday they will stop acting like little babies and when that day comes my door will be open - until then I am the daddy and they are little kids and now it's time for Dad to go to work
Audience: oooo
Obama: there's a set of folks who want to negotiate by saying hey my offer is this nothing - well I'm black not italian and i think we should do something and for the non-dishonest Senators i'd like to have that conversation
Reporter: but the pork!
Obama: ha ha ha yeah coming from the party of waste fraud and abuse and big spending and debts I want to laugh at them, cry and then tell them to fuck off
Obama: I hear Republicans say 'why would you weatherize a building when you could throw that money out of an airplane in a foreign country'??
Reporter: right
Obama: it's like they take pride in being ignorant!
Audience: heh
Obama: or take efficiency in health care - doctors can't write or use computers - or take schools at Harvard one schools is from the 1700s it's terrible!
Reporter: ooh that's true
C-Todd: Sir isn't spending what ruined this economy and isn't it better for people to be noble and poor?
Obama: Toddster I do believe that goatee has sucked the brains outta your haid!
Todd: mooooan
Obama: i know what happened - crazy banks lent money to ever whackjob biped with a name and the ability to sign - well the motherfucking party is over
Todd: [ removes party hat ]
Obama: i didn't come in here ginned up to spend $800 billion on wave pools I had hoped to blow it on the awesomest party ever
Americans: fuck yeah
Obama: calm down -- now in the future my Presidency will be all about being responsible
Americans: [ put away party favors ]
Reporter: tell us the bad news Bam
Bam: The bad news? The bad news??!! Teh bad news is that George Bush was President for 8 years
Reporter: oh
Bam: we barely averted the disaster that was his term in office and now I am in charge and that means no more free rides for obscenely wealthy well-connected idiots from the scum on top of gene pool!
Idiots: aw shit
apper: Sir we are in freefall - how can we as journalists report when your Presidency has officially failed?
Obama: Snake I will create 4 million jobs, then i will restore the credit markets, the restore the housing values, after that i will grow the economy - then finally i will reverse the spin of the earth and bring terry schiavo back to life
Tapped: [ takes notes furiously ] 'spin of earth = fail'
Stupid Ed Henry: will your fulfill pledge to pull all troops out of Afghanistan?
Obama: no i said i would increase troops there and pull them out of Iraq
Ed: oh did you I was in the bathroom in 2008
Obama: it's very sobering to sign all those letters for killed soldiers
Bush: that's why i got lickered up Bammy
[ throws shoe at tv, misses ]
shit
Obama: hey remember how wonderful 9/11 was and we remember it like it was the best fucking day ever well it turns it wasn't so great
American: [ sighs gushes over 9/11 memory ]
Cooper: will require banks to stop using free money on champagne baths and sprinking diamonds on their cereal?
Obama: all i want is for them to use the money to stop eating poor people alive
Garrett: Joe Biden said your Presidency will probably fail - is he right?
Obama: oh joe joe joe - you do realize I hired someone just bumbling enough to make me look good don't you?
Garrett: really?
Obama: plus he's funniest gentile i know
Fletcher: Did you know A-Rod was on the Juice?
Obama: It's too bad because it shows you can be a good looking biracial successful young man and still fuck up
Thomas: Bam Harry Truman once told me i hope one day a black man has access to bomb
Obama: it was always my dream too
Thomas: Pakistan
Obama: it's not acceptable to have whackos living in mountainous caves with impunity - hell with DirectTV they get more NFL games than we do!
Thomas: oh noe
Obama: I will work with Vlad to lean on the Pakistanis - cause they are waaaay crazeee
Huffington Post: Truth and Reconciliation Commision on prosecuting Stupid and Dr. Evil?
Obama: i have this crazy idea about following the law and keeping us safe - now is Mr. Potter broke the law he should be prosecuted just like George Bailey was
Potter: dagnabit
Liasson: will you fail on getting votes from Goppers from now on?
Obama: Mara like i said - all that needs to happen is for the Republican party to sit down, shut the fuck up, and pull their heads out of their goddam asses
GOP: gorp!
Obama: by the way Mara if I had brought the GOP in any earlier they would have been there when my Kenyan father had made sweet love to my white momma
Mara: oh my
Obama: oh did i mention these closeted fuckers have no credibility on anything at all???
Mara: oh poo
Obama: i'm sorry but these assholes piss me off
Obama: now this is what these fuckers do on everything - economics, global warming, flat earth, they just pretend that there is debate and trot out non-experts and it's all fucking bullshit
Mara: but but
Obama: no look I am the eternal optimist that someday the GOP will stop being obstructionist dicks but that's just the kind of happy go lucky motherfucker I am
Good night - i said 'good night fuckers!'
***********************************************
Sunday, February 08, 2009
Meet The Press - February 8, 2009
Meet the Press
February 8, 2009
Guests:
Sen. Claire McCaskill
Sen. John Ensign
Rep. Barney Frank
Rep. Mike Pence
*******************
Gregory: wow Obama has a massive package!
Gregory: let's hear from the majority first - John Ensign
Enisgn: I saw the best minds of my generation lost to a bridge to a nowhere
Gregory: what should be done
Ensign: enact all Republican ideas - after all, we won the election
Gregory: ok let's hear from the other side - Congressman Pence
Pence: the American people rejected the worn out tired ideas of Democrats in 2008 - why did you even invite any Dems on the show this morning?
McCaskill: well
Gregory: shut up
Gregory: Congressman Pence we all know Republicans won in 2008 but shouldn't we at least consider the minority party ideas
Pence: no the American people hate tired old liberal ideas
McCaskill: no no no please love us -- all Dems want is for Republicans and the media to love us and admit we can be bipartisan
Pence: no give me more
Ensign: pheh we speak for America not the crazy liberals
Frank: oh suddenly the GOP is concerned about spending - look they want to waste your tax dollars in Iraq but we want to keep cops and firefighters from being laid off
Ensign: that's right - any money that helps people is welfare
Pence: this is one part rule!
Frank: you're damm right it is you loser
Pence: i am willing to let Dems put some of their pet projects in the bill
Frank: big of your asshole
Pence: well after all America belongs to the Republican party
Gregory: Claire admit it this doens't stimulate jobs like dropping cash from the sky on a middle easten country would
McCaskill: that's true
Gregory: why not do what the GOP wants
Ensign: Gregory that's what I've been saying all along
Gregory: [ wags tail ]
Ensign: that's nonsense - we're not going to be laying any firefighters off - the states will be doing that
Frank: this asshole's party wasted hundreds of billions
Ensign: i agreee
Frank: did you filibuster GOP bills
Ensign: [ crickets ]
Gregory: admit it Claire it was all wasteful spending
McCaskill: yes
Pence: can I bring up 9/11 again
Greogry: sure
Pence: look Obama is mean and nasty and partisan but we need tax cuts
Frank: hey psycho why don't you blow me
Greogry: who did all these rotten asssets get on the bank's books??
Frank: gee i don't know - must have been an act of nature
Gregory: it's a mystery
Frank: the credit system is too corrupt to fail
Greogry: who did all these rotten asssets get on the bank's books??
Frank: gee i don't know - must have been an act of nature
Gregory: it's a mystery
Frank: the credit system is too corrupt to fail
Gregory: but a $15,000 tax credit is not going to incentivize me buy a second home in Martha's Vineyard
McCaskill: we have to convince people that giving money to rich people is in their interest
Ensign: i had a good idea
Greogry: which was defeated
Ensign: pheh
Frank: i want to ask executives what they hell they do to earn their bonuses
Gregory: well they don't all get bonsuses
Frank: yes they do
Gregory: we are all stuck in partisan accusations that the banks are getting free money
Pence: this is all the fault of poor black borrowers
Gregory: what's the solution
Pence: amnesty for tax cheats
Frank: jesus christ - the GOP is a party of psychopaths
Gregory: but you also support bank bailouts
Frank: yes but only because we're afraid not to
Gregory: so on one side nutjobs and on the other side cowards
McCaskill: Obama admitted he screwed up and nominated a conservative to Commerce
Ensign: this proves that Washington is incestuous
Gregory: it's crazy - I'm going to ask Luke Russert about this
Frank: hey blame the voters
Gregory: are we really going to bail out more fucking banks?
Frank: why not?
February 8, 2009
Guests:
Sen. Claire McCaskill
Sen. John Ensign
Rep. Barney Frank
Rep. Mike Pence
*******************
Gregory: wow Obama has a massive package!
Gregory: let's hear from the majority first - John Ensign
Enisgn: I saw the best minds of my generation lost to a bridge to a nowhere
Gregory: what should be done
Ensign: enact all Republican ideas - after all, we won the election
Gregory: ok let's hear from the other side - Congressman Pence
Pence: the American people rejected the worn out tired ideas of Democrats in 2008 - why did you even invite any Dems on the show this morning?
McCaskill: well
Gregory: shut up
Gregory: Congressman Pence we all know Republicans won in 2008 but shouldn't we at least consider the minority party ideas
Pence: no the American people hate tired old liberal ideas
McCaskill: no no no please love us -- all Dems want is for Republicans and the media to love us and admit we can be bipartisan
Pence: no give me more
Ensign: pheh we speak for America not the crazy liberals
Frank: oh suddenly the GOP is concerned about spending - look they want to waste your tax dollars in Iraq but we want to keep cops and firefighters from being laid off
Ensign: that's right - any money that helps people is welfare
Pence: this is one part rule!
Frank: you're damm right it is you loser
Pence: i am willing to let Dems put some of their pet projects in the bill
Frank: big of your asshole
Pence: well after all America belongs to the Republican party
Gregory: Claire admit it this doens't stimulate jobs like dropping cash from the sky on a middle easten country would
McCaskill: that's true
Gregory: why not do what the GOP wants
Ensign: Gregory that's what I've been saying all along
Gregory: [ wags tail ]
Ensign: that's nonsense - we're not going to be laying any firefighters off - the states will be doing that
Frank: this asshole's party wasted hundreds of billions
Ensign: i agreee
Frank: did you filibuster GOP bills
Ensign: [ crickets ]
Gregory: admit it Claire it was all wasteful spending
McCaskill: yes
Pence: can I bring up 9/11 again
Greogry: sure
Pence: look Obama is mean and nasty and partisan but we need tax cuts
Frank: hey psycho why don't you blow me
Greogry: who did all these rotten asssets get on the bank's books??
Frank: gee i don't know - must have been an act of nature
Gregory: it's a mystery
Frank: the credit system is too corrupt to fail
Greogry: who did all these rotten asssets get on the bank's books??
Frank: gee i don't know - must have been an act of nature
Gregory: it's a mystery
Frank: the credit system is too corrupt to fail
Gregory: but a $15,000 tax credit is not going to incentivize me buy a second home in Martha's Vineyard
McCaskill: we have to convince people that giving money to rich people is in their interest
Ensign: i had a good idea
Greogry: which was defeated
Ensign: pheh
Frank: i want to ask executives what they hell they do to earn their bonuses
Gregory: well they don't all get bonsuses
Frank: yes they do
Gregory: we are all stuck in partisan accusations that the banks are getting free money
Pence: this is all the fault of poor black borrowers
Gregory: what's the solution
Pence: amnesty for tax cheats
Frank: jesus christ - the GOP is a party of psychopaths
Gregory: but you also support bank bailouts
Frank: yes but only because we're afraid not to
Gregory: so on one side nutjobs and on the other side cowards
McCaskill: Obama admitted he screwed up and nominated a conservative to Commerce
Ensign: this proves that Washington is incestuous
Gregory: it's crazy - I'm going to ask Luke Russert about this
Frank: hey blame the voters
Gregory: are we really going to bail out more fucking banks?
Frank: why not?
The Chris Matthews Show - February 8, 2009
The Chris Matthews Show
February 8, 2009
********************************
Tweety: will Obama fail to get a bank bailout again??
Norris: of course he's failure
Mitchell: this is is going to be tough with the GOP opposing it
Brooks: TARP was wasted - so we must enact a new one in a bipartisan way
Tweety: OMG Obama's partisan!!!
Duffy: i know it's terrible he's very partisan!!!
Norris: the Republicans are not partisan they are just standing on principle!!
Brooks: it's horrible and a wish list of liberal stuff
Mitchell: most economists will tell you we all know nothing about anything
Tweety: it's all liberal Fibber McGee shit
Mitchell: Dems are the worst people in the world!!!!
Brooks: OMG Obama is not living in Congress!!
Duffy: it's such a blunder to be liberal in Washington - the Obama presidency is a total failure!!
Norris: the Democrats will lose lots of seats in the midterms!!!
Tweety: OMG I'm about to ask a terrible question!!!
Duffy: OMG Tom Daschle!!!
Mitchell: Obama wanted to reform health care as a favor for Teddy Kennedy
Tweety: not the 40 million uninsured Americans?
Mitchell: never heard of them
Tweety: ha ha ha quote of teh week is from Republicans!!!
Brooks: I'll forgive him Tweety
Tweety: i hate Washington thinking ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!
Norris: Obama hasn't moved the ball for health care he's doooooooomed!!!!
Tweety: Obama has failed to get the Republicans to vote for an important bill this is good news for Republicans
Mitchell: admittedly there is a tiny percentage of bad things in the bill but somehow the media only reported that - boy Obama is bad President
Brooks: wow Obama could have had lots of Republican support if he had done what they had wanted
Tweety: he could be bipartisan if he resigned and appointed a Republican
Duffy: Bi-Partisan!!!!
Norris: his presidency is essentially over
Tweety: ha!!!
Tweety: OMG!!! Obama read to schoolchildren - he's just like Bush on and 9/11 and Clinton being impeached!!!
Norris: um Tweety he was in an inner city DC school
Duffy: what a loser
Tweety: Ha! Hee! Ha!
Norris: Tweets do you have Tourette's or something?
Tweety: Fuck! Shit! Momma!
[ men in white coats show up ]
Tweety: OMG Daschle is just like bailed out banking executives!!
Brooks: i speak for the little people who eat Applebee's
Mitchell: oh noe people are very angry the people who caused the economic crisis
Tweety: why do you say that
Mitchell: you should see the hate mail Alan gets
Duffy: the only good moment Obama has ever had was to bash executives
Tweety: what do you prefer hard or soft option
Mitchell: with Alan it's most soft these days
Norris: the public doesn't understand the stimulus and Obama should sell it
Duffy: i'm very concerned about unemployment - which is why i always bash Dems for GOP failures
Mitchell: Zinni was offered the job of Ambassador to Iraq - then it was taken away why??
Tweety: i love Zinni i blew him 2006
Brooks: John McCain has completely lost his mind
Tweety: ha poor guy!
Tweety: will Obama fail to get a bank bailout again??
Norris: of course he's failure
Mitchell: this is is going to be tough with the GOP opposing it
Brooks: TARP was wasted - so we must enact a new one in a bipartisan way
February 8, 2009
********************************
Tweety: will Obama fail to get a bank bailout again??
Norris: of course he's failure
Mitchell: this is is going to be tough with the GOP opposing it
Brooks: TARP was wasted - so we must enact a new one in a bipartisan way
Tweety: OMG Obama's partisan!!!
Duffy: i know it's terrible he's very partisan!!!
Norris: the Republicans are not partisan they are just standing on principle!!
Brooks: it's horrible and a wish list of liberal stuff
Mitchell: most economists will tell you we all know nothing about anything
Tweety: it's all liberal Fibber McGee shit
Mitchell: Dems are the worst people in the world!!!!
Brooks: OMG Obama is not living in Congress!!
Duffy: it's such a blunder to be liberal in Washington - the Obama presidency is a total failure!!
Norris: the Democrats will lose lots of seats in the midterms!!!
Tweety: OMG I'm about to ask a terrible question!!!
Duffy: OMG Tom Daschle!!!
Mitchell: Obama wanted to reform health care as a favor for Teddy Kennedy
Tweety: not the 40 million uninsured Americans?
Mitchell: never heard of them
Tweety: ha ha ha quote of teh week is from Republicans!!!
Brooks: I'll forgive him Tweety
Tweety: i hate Washington thinking ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!
Norris: Obama hasn't moved the ball for health care he's doooooooomed!!!!
Tweety: Obama has failed to get the Republicans to vote for an important bill this is good news for Republicans
Mitchell: admittedly there is a tiny percentage of bad things in the bill but somehow the media only reported that - boy Obama is bad President
Brooks: wow Obama could have had lots of Republican support if he had done what they had wanted
Tweety: he could be bipartisan if he resigned and appointed a Republican
Duffy: Bi-Partisan!!!!
Norris: his presidency is essentially over
Tweety: ha!!!
Tweety: OMG!!! Obama read to schoolchildren - he's just like Bush on and 9/11 and Clinton being impeached!!!
Norris: um Tweety he was in an inner city DC school
Duffy: what a loser
Tweety: Ha! Hee! Ha!
Norris: Tweets do you have Tourette's or something?
Tweety: Fuck! Shit! Momma!
[ men in white coats show up ]
Tweety: OMG Daschle is just like bailed out banking executives!!
Brooks: i speak for the little people who eat Applebee's
Mitchell: oh noe people are very angry the people who caused the economic crisis
Tweety: why do you say that
Mitchell: you should see the hate mail Alan gets
Duffy: the only good moment Obama has ever had was to bash executives
Tweety: what do you prefer hard or soft option
Mitchell: with Alan it's most soft these days
Norris: the public doesn't understand the stimulus and Obama should sell it
Duffy: i'm very concerned about unemployment - which is why i always bash Dems for GOP failures
Mitchell: Zinni was offered the job of Ambassador to Iraq - then it was taken away why??
Tweety: i love Zinni i blew him 2006
Brooks: John McCain has completely lost his mind
Tweety: ha poor guy!
Tweety: will Obama fail to get a bank bailout again??
Norris: of course he's failure
Mitchell: this is is going to be tough with the GOP opposing it
Brooks: TARP was wasted - so we must enact a new one in a bipartisan way
Sunday, February 01, 2009
Meet The Press - February 1, 2009
*********************************
Meet The Press
February 1, 2009
Guests:
Sen. John Kerry
Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchinson
********************************
Gregory: OMG the stimulus bill passed without GOP votes - its so sad!!
Kerry: we'll improve that bill with a massive ketchup tax break
Gregory: what else
Kerry: food stamps for people in tough straits like John Thain
Gregory: jobs?
Kerry: we will build a new electric griddle
Greogory: let me confront a Republican with the Concord Coalition
Hutchinson: thank you
Hutchinson: we can't afford this big spending what with all the debt we have!
Kerry: where did that from?
Hutchinson: Little goblins took over the government in 2001
Gregory: what spending would you like?
Hutchinson: Military spending - that's permanent unlike shitty bridges which once they're built - no more jobs!
Gregory: Dems are being greedy aren't they -- aren't they ramming through bad ideas like Bush did after 9/11?
Kerry: that's a very good point Gregory even though it is stupid i agree that it's inevitable that Dems ideas are good ideas
Gregory: huh?
Kerry: 50% of schools are 50 years old but I would remind you this is not ramming bills though it's called fucking Democracy and we just had a fucking election
Gregory: all well and good Senator Kerry but the issue here is that all bills but be approved by Republicans
Hutchinson: That is exactly right David - Exactly
Gregory: [ beams, wags tail ]
Hutchinson: who's a good boy??
Greogry: yip yip
Hutchinson: Tax cuts saved America in 2001
Gregory: no one knows the truth -- would you concede?
Hutchinson: oh yes
Kerry: like hell I would - Bush failed in every fucking way
Gregory: but but but-
Kerry: fuck off
Hutchinson: but tax cuts made people go back into the stock market in 2001!!
Kerry: oh yay
Hutchinson: we did have productive spending in the last few years - the war on terror, the war in Iraq
Kerry: Kay the economy sucks
Hutchinson: well that's the fault of the fancy people on Wall Street
Kerry: [ snort ]
Gregory: shovel-ready jobs?
Kerry: yes as long as we fix housing and the banks
Gregory: would you spend more to do it?
Hutchinson: sure but eliminate anything that helps people
Gregory: let me quote Rush Limbaugh issuing a challenge on who is a statesman and who is a reckless hack
Hutchinson: the bloated drug addict is right - there is nice spending that must be removed and tax cuts put in
Gregory: did you not hear the people on election day?
Hutchinson: i agree we need a new electric grill - but if Obama believes Republicans should get what they want he needs to give us what we want
Kerry: oh my god I haven't heard this much whining since my kids were toddlers
Kay: but but-
Gregory: isn't the stimulus bill a total failure if the GOP votes against it?
Kerry: moron
Gregory: bail out banks?
Hutchinson: yes but we should do it Obama's way and not the Stupid way
Gregory: fair enough
Hutchinson: sadly good people were caught in the net of bad loans
Gregory: buy toxic assets?
Kerry: no we should make the shareholders eat the loss
Gregory: oh so sad
Gregory: but whether you like this or not we can all agree we have to bail out the banks
Gregory: what about Sen. Jugg Gredd?
Hutchinson: No Democrats - Juggs would never do that!!
Gregory: what about Tom Daschle?
Kerry: I've known Tom for 25 years and he always picks up a check
Gregory: how shitty is the economy?
Zandi: really very very shitty
Gregory: Steve Ballmer said things really suck
Forbes: oh I disagree we can definitely rebound all we need to do is say "ain't" on tv
Burnett: we consumed like crazy for 25 years and that's gone forever - Generation Y sucks to be you
Gregory: let me go to the ultimate authority on teh economy - the Heritage Foundation - and now for contrast, steve forbes
Forbes: sure asset values have falled for instance my collection of fabrege eggs is worth less but we need to stop whining
Gregory: what's the solution
Forbes: Americans need to stop crying, show initiative and inherit a billion dollars from their weird gay dad
Gregory: well we can't all be Suri
Gregory: What's the answer?
Zandi: Tax cuts
Forbes: Spending alone isn't going to do it - you'll never guess what my answer is?
Greogry: lower income taxes?
Forbes: ha - no! Lower corporate taxes
Gregory: and mark to market
Forbes: so so so so sad
Gregory: why has Obama failed so much?
Burnett: the issue is not private jets - it's that we must bail out the banks or the economy will not grow
Gregory: so how can we help the banks?
Burnett: create a bad bank
Gregory: but we already have Citigroup
Gregory: but this could cost 2 trillion
Zandi: oh no only $500 billion
Gregory: oh is that all
Zandi: the government should buy the bad loans and get a good low price for it
Gregory: and hope and pray things will work out
Gregory: Obama got mad at all the Wall Street bonuses
Burnett: oh I get all so-called outrage and fake populism but you got to understand the people on Wall Street are doing their darndest!
Zandi: this is the risk of giving tax money cause then taxpayers want control which is just crazy - government can't make these decisions!
Gregory: this also applies to the national endowment for the arts right
Burnett: ha ha ha - no
Forbes: hey you take the money you pay the price
Burnett: this populism is very very scary - someone needs to tell the little people to hand over their tax money and shut the fuck up
Meet The Press
February 1, 2009
Guests:
Sen. John Kerry
Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchinson
********************************
Gregory: OMG the stimulus bill passed without GOP votes - its so sad!!
Kerry: we'll improve that bill with a massive ketchup tax break
Gregory: what else
Kerry: food stamps for people in tough straits like John Thain
Gregory: jobs?
Kerry: we will build a new electric griddle
Greogory: let me confront a Republican with the Concord Coalition
Hutchinson: thank you
Hutchinson: we can't afford this big spending what with all the debt we have!
Kerry: where did that from?
Hutchinson: Little goblins took over the government in 2001
Gregory: what spending would you like?
Hutchinson: Military spending - that's permanent unlike shitty bridges which once they're built - no more jobs!
Gregory: Dems are being greedy aren't they -- aren't they ramming through bad ideas like Bush did after 9/11?
Kerry: that's a very good point Gregory even though it is stupid i agree that it's inevitable that Dems ideas are good ideas
Gregory: huh?
Kerry: 50% of schools are 50 years old but I would remind you this is not ramming bills though it's called fucking Democracy and we just had a fucking election
Gregory: all well and good Senator Kerry but the issue here is that all bills but be approved by Republicans
Hutchinson: That is exactly right David - Exactly
Gregory: [ beams, wags tail ]
Hutchinson: who's a good boy??
Greogry: yip yip
Hutchinson: Tax cuts saved America in 2001
Gregory: no one knows the truth -- would you concede?
Hutchinson: oh yes
Kerry: like hell I would - Bush failed in every fucking way
Gregory: but but but-
Kerry: fuck off
Hutchinson: but tax cuts made people go back into the stock market in 2001!!
Kerry: oh yay
Hutchinson: we did have productive spending in the last few years - the war on terror, the war in Iraq
Kerry: Kay the economy sucks
Hutchinson: well that's the fault of the fancy people on Wall Street
Kerry: [ snort ]
Gregory: shovel-ready jobs?
Kerry: yes as long as we fix housing and the banks
Gregory: would you spend more to do it?
Hutchinson: sure but eliminate anything that helps people
Gregory: let me quote Rush Limbaugh issuing a challenge on who is a statesman and who is a reckless hack
Hutchinson: the bloated drug addict is right - there is nice spending that must be removed and tax cuts put in
Gregory: did you not hear the people on election day?
Hutchinson: i agree we need a new electric grill - but if Obama believes Republicans should get what they want he needs to give us what we want
Kerry: oh my god I haven't heard this much whining since my kids were toddlers
Kay: but but-
Gregory: isn't the stimulus bill a total failure if the GOP votes against it?
Kerry: moron
Gregory: bail out banks?
Hutchinson: yes but we should do it Obama's way and not the Stupid way
Gregory: fair enough
Hutchinson: sadly good people were caught in the net of bad loans
Gregory: buy toxic assets?
Kerry: no we should make the shareholders eat the loss
Gregory: oh so sad
Gregory: but whether you like this or not we can all agree we have to bail out the banks
Gregory: what about Sen. Jugg Gredd?
Hutchinson: No Democrats - Juggs would never do that!!
Gregory: what about Tom Daschle?
Kerry: I've known Tom for 25 years and he always picks up a check
Gregory: how shitty is the economy?
Zandi: really very very shitty
Gregory: Steve Ballmer said things really suck
Forbes: oh I disagree we can definitely rebound all we need to do is say "ain't" on tv
Burnett: we consumed like crazy for 25 years and that's gone forever - Generation Y sucks to be you
Gregory: let me go to the ultimate authority on teh economy - the Heritage Foundation - and now for contrast, steve forbes
Forbes: sure asset values have falled for instance my collection of fabrege eggs is worth less but we need to stop whining
Gregory: what's the solution
Forbes: Americans need to stop crying, show initiative and inherit a billion dollars from their weird gay dad
Gregory: well we can't all be Suri
Gregory: What's the answer?
Zandi: Tax cuts
Forbes: Spending alone isn't going to do it - you'll never guess what my answer is?
Greogry: lower income taxes?
Forbes: ha - no! Lower corporate taxes
Gregory: and mark to market
Forbes: so so so so sad
Gregory: why has Obama failed so much?
Burnett: the issue is not private jets - it's that we must bail out the banks or the economy will not grow
Gregory: so how can we help the banks?
Burnett: create a bad bank
Gregory: but we already have Citigroup
Gregory: but this could cost 2 trillion
Zandi: oh no only $500 billion
Gregory: oh is that all
Zandi: the government should buy the bad loans and get a good low price for it
Gregory: and hope and pray things will work out
Gregory: Obama got mad at all the Wall Street bonuses
Burnett: oh I get all so-called outrage and fake populism but you got to understand the people on Wall Street are doing their darndest!
Zandi: this is the risk of giving tax money cause then taxpayers want control which is just crazy - government can't make these decisions!
Gregory: this also applies to the national endowment for the arts right
Burnett: ha ha ha - no
Forbes: hey you take the money you pay the price
Burnett: this populism is very very scary - someone needs to tell the little people to hand over their tax money and shut the fuck up
This Week with George Stephanopoulos - February, 1, 2009
**************************************
This Week with George Stephanopoulos
February, 1, 2009
****************************************
Stephanopoulos: Buy American?
Schmidt: screw that - my grandma was a telephone operator and she lost her job to the PhoneBot 2000
Frank: There are British riots hating on Italians - they don't want them taking their Top Chef jobs
Stephanopoulos: that's not good for anyone
DeMint: i have a suggestion - let's cut taxes and regulations!!
Frank: oh yeah that's the problem - not enough regulations
DeMint: [ interrupts ] that's so gai
Frank: shut up ya neocon freak
DeMint: don't call it stimulus when it's government spending
Frank: but it is
DeMint: this is biggest spending ever in history
Frank: no that's the war in Iraq which is apparently free
Stephanopoulos: sorry we're not allowed to talk about that
Frank: well that's the problem isn't it?
FedEx: you have to understand that poor Wall Street types depend on bonuses but then again if you take taxpayer money you should probably not have a $1,400 wastebasket
Stephanopoulos: are teh CEOs idiots?
Schmidt: the best way to compensate CEOs is first with stock and then with taxpayer money
Frank: speaking of the Iraq war this is collateral damage in reverse it’s "collateral benefit" which is when you help people and accidentally aid scumbags
Stephanopoulos: interesting point
Frank: don't underestimate the anger of average American over all this stealing
DeMint: we know cutting taxes jolts the economy immediately
Stephanopoulos: how do we know that?
DeMint: the Heritage Foundation said so
Frank: oh well fuck it then
DeMint: don't call it stimulus when all you are doing is building a bridge - how many Hummers does that buy?
Frank: you are stimulating people from not dying from a collapsed bridge
DeMint: if spending worked America would have the best economy in the world
Frank: Jim why do you hate America??
Stephanopoulos: Obama Failed. To get GOP votes.
Will: Obama let liberals write this bill just because they won the 2008 elections it's outrageous
Stephanopoulos: so?
Will: the protectionism will cost jobs
Stephanopoulos: oh of course
Sanger: the issue is should we kill America like Dems want or fix America like GOP want?
Stephanopoulos: that's it
Woodward: the banks are breaking and liberals want to act without knowing facts - unlike the Bush administration
Stephanopoulos: Obama has failed domestically -
how is he failing internationally?
Radatz: give him time
Stephanopoulos: Afghanistan is Obama's Vietnam
Will: I can't believe Obama got us into Afghanistan it's the size of Texas - is he insane???
Stephanopoulos: who's fault is this?
Will: Obama - and Bill Clinton
Radatz: it's so big the whole idea of going into Afghanistan is crazy!!
Woodward: it's nuts!!
Woodward: When is the peace Obama promised a week ago??? Where is it???
Sanger: he's a failure like Bush!!
Stephanopoulos: so true
Sanger: Obama is going to have invade Pakistan if he aspires to be a great failure like George Bush
Stephanopoulos: should we surrender to the Taliban?
Will: Bush was better because he aspired to greatness and failed where Obama has lower expectations and may succeed
Radatz: the whole idea of being in Afghanistan is ridiculous
Stephanopoulos: did you point this out when Bush was President?
Radatz: no - he gave me a nickname and wiggled his fingers at me once
Woodward: why are we in Afghanistan it's an outrage!!
Radatz: meanwhile Iraq is a paradise
Will: a gangsta's paradise?
Woodward: but but but we have no strategy only a plan!!
Sanger: I agree Obama has made one mistake after another -- first invading Iraq and now Afghanistan
Stephanopoulos: it's crazy
Sanger: Bush was a wonderful President and Obama is very nice but he's no Chimpy
Woodward: speaking from 30,000 feet for a moment
Audience: ban this whiny fucker
Will: the economy here is bad imagine who bad it is in Afghanistan
Stephanopoulos: and all the money Obama wants to spend there!
Sanger: People have begun to understand that Iraq was very expensive
Stephanopoulos: Just in time!
Sanger: and invading Iraq took our eye off the ball in Afghanistan
Stephanopoulos: Truly Obama is a bad President
Radatz: indeed
Woodward: i would like whine some more
[ whine whine whine ]
This Week with George Stephanopoulos
February, 1, 2009
****************************************
Stephanopoulos: Buy American?
Schmidt: screw that - my grandma was a telephone operator and she lost her job to the PhoneBot 2000
Frank: There are British riots hating on Italians - they don't want them taking their Top Chef jobs
Stephanopoulos: that's not good for anyone
DeMint: i have a suggestion - let's cut taxes and regulations!!
Frank: oh yeah that's the problem - not enough regulations
DeMint: [ interrupts ] that's so gai
Frank: shut up ya neocon freak
DeMint: don't call it stimulus when it's government spending
Frank: but it is
DeMint: this is biggest spending ever in history
Frank: no that's the war in Iraq which is apparently free
Stephanopoulos: sorry we're not allowed to talk about that
Frank: well that's the problem isn't it?
FedEx: you have to understand that poor Wall Street types depend on bonuses but then again if you take taxpayer money you should probably not have a $1,400 wastebasket
Stephanopoulos: are teh CEOs idiots?
Schmidt: the best way to compensate CEOs is first with stock and then with taxpayer money
Frank: speaking of the Iraq war this is collateral damage in reverse it’s "collateral benefit" which is when you help people and accidentally aid scumbags
Stephanopoulos: interesting point
Frank: don't underestimate the anger of average American over all this stealing
DeMint: we know cutting taxes jolts the economy immediately
Stephanopoulos: how do we know that?
DeMint: the Heritage Foundation said so
Frank: oh well fuck it then
DeMint: don't call it stimulus when all you are doing is building a bridge - how many Hummers does that buy?
Frank: you are stimulating people from not dying from a collapsed bridge
DeMint: if spending worked America would have the best economy in the world
Frank: Jim why do you hate America??
Stephanopoulos: Obama Failed. To get GOP votes.
Will: Obama let liberals write this bill just because they won the 2008 elections it's outrageous
Stephanopoulos: so?
Will: the protectionism will cost jobs
Stephanopoulos: oh of course
Sanger: the issue is should we kill America like Dems want or fix America like GOP want?
Stephanopoulos: that's it
Woodward: the banks are breaking and liberals want to act without knowing facts - unlike the Bush administration
Stephanopoulos: Obama has failed domestically -
how is he failing internationally?
Radatz: give him time
Stephanopoulos: Afghanistan is Obama's Vietnam
Will: I can't believe Obama got us into Afghanistan it's the size of Texas - is he insane???
Stephanopoulos: who's fault is this?
Will: Obama - and Bill Clinton
Radatz: it's so big the whole idea of going into Afghanistan is crazy!!
Woodward: it's nuts!!
Woodward: When is the peace Obama promised a week ago??? Where is it???
Sanger: he's a failure like Bush!!
Stephanopoulos: so true
Sanger: Obama is going to have invade Pakistan if he aspires to be a great failure like George Bush
Stephanopoulos: should we surrender to the Taliban?
Will: Bush was better because he aspired to greatness and failed where Obama has lower expectations and may succeed
Radatz: the whole idea of being in Afghanistan is ridiculous
Stephanopoulos: did you point this out when Bush was President?
Radatz: no - he gave me a nickname and wiggled his fingers at me once
Woodward: why are we in Afghanistan it's an outrage!!
Radatz: meanwhile Iraq is a paradise
Will: a gangsta's paradise?
Woodward: but but but we have no strategy only a plan!!
Sanger: I agree Obama has made one mistake after another -- first invading Iraq and now Afghanistan
Stephanopoulos: it's crazy
Sanger: Bush was a wonderful President and Obama is very nice but he's no Chimpy
Woodward: speaking from 30,000 feet for a moment
Audience: ban this whiny fucker
Will: the economy here is bad imagine who bad it is in Afghanistan
Stephanopoulos: and all the money Obama wants to spend there!
Sanger: People have begun to understand that Iraq was very expensive
Stephanopoulos: Just in time!
Sanger: and invading Iraq took our eye off the ball in Afghanistan
Stephanopoulos: Truly Obama is a bad President
Radatz: indeed
Woodward: i would like whine some more
[ whine whine whine ]
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Meet The Press - January 25, 2009
*************************
Meet the Press
January 25, 2009
Guests:
Larry Summers
Rep. John Boehner
*************************
Gregory: talk money to me big guy
Summers: this is the worst economy since FDR was in office - Bam is inheriting a shithole from George W. Bush
Gregory: you say we are crashing yet others say we are completely imploding so why only a little trillion dollar stimulus?
Summers: hey dude this is just one bill in our strategy to spend what is necessary to get going
Gregory: but its too small
Summers: size isn't everything
Gregory: but but but don't you need a bigger package
Summers: can i talk?
Gregory: no this is my show and i love the sound of my own whiny voice
Summers: ok but
Gregory: i talk more now
Summers: we also have tax cuts
Gregory: Goldman Sachs is very worried you are not spending enough tax dollars
Summers: hey we're printing money as fast as we can and then we
will drop bundles of cash from helicopters on towns all across America
Gregory: oh so it's like what we did in Iraq
Summers: exactly and look how well that went
Gregory: why are you wasting all this money on the national endowment for arts goddammit the Republicans won in 2008 don't they get to have a say
Summers: no they lost
Gregory: well whatever
Summers: I know David Gregory thinks Pell Grants are an incredible
waste of money since this is the second week you have brought it up
Gregory: no, not me - Republicans
Summers: well whatever
Gregory: Speaking of Republicans they want to keep the tax cuts for billionaires
Summers: well
Gregory: don't talk
Summers: but
Gregory: shhhh
Summers: uhh
Gregory: zip it
Gregory: why not put off Obama's promises until 2013 after his term is over
Summers: i heard you were out of your fucking mind Dave but i
never realized just how far your head was up karl rove's ass
Summers: Obama wants to cut taxes for 95% of Americans
Gregory: but how can we afford that??
Summers: because middle class people will spend their tax cut unlike wealthy people
Gregory: the banks only got $700 billion which is gone so naturally will you give them even more?
Summers: oh of course - we must throw massive amounts of money at failed institutions so people can get back to buying Hummers again
Gregory: truly your genius is dazzling
Summers: well i am a man
Gregory: why can't you make the banks lend?
Summers: ironic that the GOP brought us socialism isn't it?
Gregory: heh heh
Summers: but actually we're not the owners - we just gave the money away
Gregory: well that's strange
Summers: look it would be irresponsible for banks to lend without a good reason
Gregory: well what did they do with the money we gave them?
Summers: $1,400 trash cans
Gregory: what do you say to people who are afraid for the economic future and want to send their kids to college?
Summers: those lazy people need to work harder and play by the rules
Gregory: that's it?
Summers: also send the boys to college and the girls to seamstress school
Gregory: whine to me baby
Boehner: we whined to the President on Friday telling him that he should adopt right-wing failed policies
Gregory: but the GOP are the all time borrow-and-spend champions
Boehner: that's true but this time we really really mean it
Gregory: mean what
Boehner: that the answer is... Tax Cuts!!!!
Gregory: what a shock
Gregory: what's wrong with infrastructure tan-boy
Boehner: direct aid to the states is crazy - did you some of them allow gay marriage, abortion, and minorities to vote?
Gregory: raise taxes on the rich?
Boehner: so sad it's all little mom and pop businesses making $250,000 a year
Gregory: Obama said "i won" and you suck
Boehner: hey Clinton's budget passed without a single GOP vote and look at what a disaster that was
Gregory: everyone loves Obama but you Tear-Jerk
Boehner: oh so do we the GOP in Congres Luvs Obama
Gregory: ok ok don't cry
Boehner: [ wipes tear ]
Gregory: here's a binkie
Boehner: [ sniffs ] thanks
Gregory: bailout?
Boehner: i supported it when Bush was President and hate it now Obama is President
Gregory: got it
Gregory: Close Gitmo?
Boehner: hey Bush and McCain wanted to close it too but what do you do will all the people we tortured???
Gregory: i dunno - a prison?
Boehner: never heard of it - they're all on the battlefield!
Gregory: love is a battlefield
Boehner: if liberals want to let them go we can put them in Alcatraz
Gregory: it's a museum dumbass
Boehner: [ sobs ]
Gregory: what's the future of the GOP
Boehner: hey I've had every bad rotten job there is - i was a chicken sexer, and semen collector, sewer inspector and i also worked with Tom Delay
Gregory: dirty jobs
Boehner: but speaking for the GOP in 2008 in the worst ever
Gregory: so what do you do
Boehner: have good ideas
Gregory: what are they?
Boehner: we should have one by mid-summer
Gregory: Obama is inheriting lots of problems
Norris: that was one bummer of an inaugural
Friedman: hey it turns out wall street geniuses were really really stupid
Gregory: wow
Friedman: the economy is like a shark we're gonna need a bigger boat
Gregory: that movie ended well
Hayes: clearly the lesson in all of this is that we should listen to John Boehner
Gregory: naturally
Gregory: talk Gaza to me
Friedman: i love George Mitchell but Obama needs to get involved
Gregory: of course
Friedman: also we need to get an agreement with Iran, Syria, Hamas, the settlers, Israel and Lichtenstein
Gregory: really
Friedman: it's really complex
Hayes: Hamas are swarthy terrorists
Obama: hey tyrants let's unclench our fists and do the fist-bump
Norris: wow he sounds reasonable which is very controversial
Gregory: I hope Bam is like Bush
Hayes: people think Bush wasn't diplomatic which is true but people shouldn't think it
Gregory: Obama issued a lot of executive orders - has Obama completely failed?
Friedman: Gitmo was a great idea at first - after our enemies are not nice guys like the KGB
Gregory: of course
Friedman: one more hijacked plane and we'll all be flying nude
Gregory: Flip flops
Gregory: i bet if a Democrat had been President on 9/11 he would have done all the same things
Hayes: the Jack Bauer exception is fictional therefore we should let drive all governmental policies
Gregory: [ smirks ]
Gregory: Obama says he's against lobbyists and he did issue the executive order but Oh NoeS!! there is a lobbyist in the Pentagon!!!
Norris: Oh NOES!!!
Gregory: oh noe!
Hayes: oh noe!
Friedman: [ stokes mustache ]
Gregory: Let me return to my Favorite Obsession: Blago!!
[ smirks ]
Gregory: hoo boy this is bad for Obama!!!
Hayes: hee hee hee
Gregory: this is bad for Obama!
Meet the Press
January 25, 2009
Guests:
Larry Summers
Rep. John Boehner
*************************
Gregory: talk money to me big guy
Summers: this is the worst economy since FDR was in office - Bam is inheriting a shithole from George W. Bush
Gregory: you say we are crashing yet others say we are completely imploding so why only a little trillion dollar stimulus?
Summers: hey dude this is just one bill in our strategy to spend what is necessary to get going
Gregory: but its too small
Summers: size isn't everything
Gregory: but but but don't you need a bigger package
Summers: can i talk?
Gregory: no this is my show and i love the sound of my own whiny voice
Summers: ok but
Gregory: i talk more now
Summers: we also have tax cuts
Gregory: Goldman Sachs is very worried you are not spending enough tax dollars
Summers: hey we're printing money as fast as we can and then we
will drop bundles of cash from helicopters on towns all across America
Gregory: oh so it's like what we did in Iraq
Summers: exactly and look how well that went
Gregory: why are you wasting all this money on the national endowment for arts goddammit the Republicans won in 2008 don't they get to have a say
Summers: no they lost
Gregory: well whatever
Summers: I know David Gregory thinks Pell Grants are an incredible
waste of money since this is the second week you have brought it up
Gregory: no, not me - Republicans
Summers: well whatever
Gregory: Speaking of Republicans they want to keep the tax cuts for billionaires
Summers: well
Gregory: don't talk
Summers: but
Gregory: shhhh
Summers: uhh
Gregory: zip it
Gregory: why not put off Obama's promises until 2013 after his term is over
Summers: i heard you were out of your fucking mind Dave but i
never realized just how far your head was up karl rove's ass
Summers: Obama wants to cut taxes for 95% of Americans
Gregory: but how can we afford that??
Summers: because middle class people will spend their tax cut unlike wealthy people
Gregory: the banks only got $700 billion which is gone so naturally will you give them even more?
Summers: oh of course - we must throw massive amounts of money at failed institutions so people can get back to buying Hummers again
Gregory: truly your genius is dazzling
Summers: well i am a man
Gregory: why can't you make the banks lend?
Summers: ironic that the GOP brought us socialism isn't it?
Gregory: heh heh
Summers: but actually we're not the owners - we just gave the money away
Gregory: well that's strange
Summers: look it would be irresponsible for banks to lend without a good reason
Gregory: well what did they do with the money we gave them?
Summers: $1,400 trash cans
Gregory: what do you say to people who are afraid for the economic future and want to send their kids to college?
Summers: those lazy people need to work harder and play by the rules
Gregory: that's it?
Summers: also send the boys to college and the girls to seamstress school
Gregory: whine to me baby
Boehner: we whined to the President on Friday telling him that he should adopt right-wing failed policies
Gregory: but the GOP are the all time borrow-and-spend champions
Boehner: that's true but this time we really really mean it
Gregory: mean what
Boehner: that the answer is... Tax Cuts!!!!
Gregory: what a shock
Gregory: what's wrong with infrastructure tan-boy
Boehner: direct aid to the states is crazy - did you some of them allow gay marriage, abortion, and minorities to vote?
Gregory: raise taxes on the rich?
Boehner: so sad it's all little mom and pop businesses making $250,000 a year
Gregory: Obama said "i won" and you suck
Boehner: hey Clinton's budget passed without a single GOP vote and look at what a disaster that was
Gregory: everyone loves Obama but you Tear-Jerk
Boehner: oh so do we the GOP in Congres Luvs Obama
Gregory: ok ok don't cry
Boehner: [ wipes tear ]
Gregory: here's a binkie
Boehner: [ sniffs ] thanks
Gregory: bailout?
Boehner: i supported it when Bush was President and hate it now Obama is President
Gregory: got it
Gregory: Close Gitmo?
Boehner: hey Bush and McCain wanted to close it too but what do you do will all the people we tortured???
Gregory: i dunno - a prison?
Boehner: never heard of it - they're all on the battlefield!
Gregory: love is a battlefield
Boehner: if liberals want to let them go we can put them in Alcatraz
Gregory: it's a museum dumbass
Boehner: [ sobs ]
Gregory: what's the future of the GOP
Boehner: hey I've had every bad rotten job there is - i was a chicken sexer, and semen collector, sewer inspector and i also worked with Tom Delay
Gregory: dirty jobs
Boehner: but speaking for the GOP in 2008 in the worst ever
Gregory: so what do you do
Boehner: have good ideas
Gregory: what are they?
Boehner: we should have one by mid-summer
Gregory: Obama is inheriting lots of problems
Norris: that was one bummer of an inaugural
Friedman: hey it turns out wall street geniuses were really really stupid
Gregory: wow
Friedman: the economy is like a shark we're gonna need a bigger boat
Gregory: that movie ended well
Hayes: clearly the lesson in all of this is that we should listen to John Boehner
Gregory: naturally
Gregory: talk Gaza to me
Friedman: i love George Mitchell but Obama needs to get involved
Gregory: of course
Friedman: also we need to get an agreement with Iran, Syria, Hamas, the settlers, Israel and Lichtenstein
Gregory: really
Friedman: it's really complex
Hayes: Hamas are swarthy terrorists
Obama: hey tyrants let's unclench our fists and do the fist-bump
Norris: wow he sounds reasonable which is very controversial
Gregory: I hope Bam is like Bush
Hayes: people think Bush wasn't diplomatic which is true but people shouldn't think it
Gregory: Obama issued a lot of executive orders - has Obama completely failed?
Friedman: Gitmo was a great idea at first - after our enemies are not nice guys like the KGB
Gregory: of course
Friedman: one more hijacked plane and we'll all be flying nude
Gregory: Flip flops
Gregory: i bet if a Democrat had been President on 9/11 he would have done all the same things
Hayes: the Jack Bauer exception is fictional therefore we should let drive all governmental policies
Gregory: [ smirks ]
Gregory: Obama says he's against lobbyists and he did issue the executive order but Oh NoeS!! there is a lobbyist in the Pentagon!!!
Norris: Oh NOES!!!
Gregory: oh noe!
Hayes: oh noe!
Friedman: [ stokes mustache ]
Gregory: Let me return to my Favorite Obsession: Blago!!
[ smirks ]
Gregory: hoo boy this is bad for Obama!!!
Hayes: hee hee hee
Gregory: this is bad for Obama!
The Chris Matthews Show - January 25, 2009
*****************************
The Chris Matthews Show
January 25, 2009
*******************************
Matthews: OMG Obama is doing a great job and doesn't hate america!!!
Woodward: hey we have a new president and he's extending a hand and it doesn't have a black glove it!!
Tweety: he laid a wreath at the tomb of unknown empire builders but he also likes diplomacy!
Fineman: he likes openness
O'Donnell: stagecraft is all well and good but soon he will be in the Swamp
Kornblut: Obama went into the basement looking for all the bodies Bush / Cheney may have left
Fineman: Obama has curiosity and Bush had the attention span of a fruit fly with ADHD
Woodward: Ford toasted his own english muffins
Matthews: What can Bill Clinton and Bush teach Obama?
Woodward: to be strategic, not have sex with interns and also don't be a total dumbass
Matthews: wow
Fineman: Obama fucked up the inaugural by not calling for tax cuts or tax increases - so so sad
Matthews: Let's talk about what really matters - Republicans!
Kornbluth: Obama is very stubborn by still being President in week 2
Woodward: The only way for this to work is for a Banker to go on tv and say to the American people 'i'm finally making money now'
Matthews: oh yeah
Woodward: talk to people on Wall Street
Fineman: we need to get the sherriffs to stop foreclosing
Tweety: there's a new sherriff in town
Woodward: Obama failed by not asking us for patients so so sad
Matthews: wow Obama is against torture but he might arrest Bush officials
Woodward: let's not dwell on who tortured who - some crazy liberals want to investigate and end the war on terror and we are still in grave danger
O'Donnell: Obama risks alienating Republicans if he enforces the law - there's no political upside to following the truth
Kornbluth: Obama wants to move on
Tweety: so we only go after the little guys
Fineman: Harry Reid is terrified of alienating the GOP
Woodward: who you investigate - the good American boys and girls who were ordered to torture or Bush is now in Paraguy?? face it - it's over
O'Donnell: Caroline will be back and toothier than ever!
Woodward: Obama scandals are just to come!!
Kornblut: A lot of people want to run in Saratoga
Tweety: who is the front runner?
Kornblut: Smarty Jones
Matthews: wow what was in teh letter Bush wrote to Obama???
Kelly: "I HAF TO GO TO BAFROOM?"
Woodward: i bet he was upbeat, positive, gracious, and totally out of touch with reality
Kornblut: "Go for the labradoodle, Bammy"
Fineman: probably a wish to have the sky-god protect him
Tweety: i bet he told him to hide the liquor from the missus
The Chris Matthews Show
January 25, 2009
*******************************
Matthews: OMG Obama is doing a great job and doesn't hate america!!!
Woodward: hey we have a new president and he's extending a hand and it doesn't have a black glove it!!
Tweety: he laid a wreath at the tomb of unknown empire builders but he also likes diplomacy!
Fineman: he likes openness
O'Donnell: stagecraft is all well and good but soon he will be in the Swamp
Kornblut: Obama went into the basement looking for all the bodies Bush / Cheney may have left
Fineman: Obama has curiosity and Bush had the attention span of a fruit fly with ADHD
Woodward: Ford toasted his own english muffins
Matthews: What can Bill Clinton and Bush teach Obama?
Woodward: to be strategic, not have sex with interns and also don't be a total dumbass
Matthews: wow
Fineman: Obama fucked up the inaugural by not calling for tax cuts or tax increases - so so sad
Matthews: Let's talk about what really matters - Republicans!
Kornbluth: Obama is very stubborn by still being President in week 2
Woodward: The only way for this to work is for a Banker to go on tv and say to the American people 'i'm finally making money now'
Matthews: oh yeah
Woodward: talk to people on Wall Street
Fineman: we need to get the sherriffs to stop foreclosing
Tweety: there's a new sherriff in town
Woodward: Obama failed by not asking us for patients so so sad
Matthews: wow Obama is against torture but he might arrest Bush officials
Woodward: let's not dwell on who tortured who - some crazy liberals want to investigate and end the war on terror and we are still in grave danger
O'Donnell: Obama risks alienating Republicans if he enforces the law - there's no political upside to following the truth
Kornbluth: Obama wants to move on
Tweety: so we only go after the little guys
Fineman: Harry Reid is terrified of alienating the GOP
Woodward: who you investigate - the good American boys and girls who were ordered to torture or Bush is now in Paraguy?? face it - it's over
O'Donnell: Caroline will be back and toothier than ever!
Woodward: Obama scandals are just to come!!
Kornblut: A lot of people want to run in Saratoga
Tweety: who is the front runner?
Kornblut: Smarty Jones
Matthews: wow what was in teh letter Bush wrote to Obama???
Kelly: "I HAF TO GO TO BAFROOM?"
Woodward: i bet he was upbeat, positive, gracious, and totally out of touch with reality
Kornblut: "Go for the labradoodle, Bammy"
Fineman: probably a wish to have the sky-god protect him
Tweety: i bet he told him to hide the liquor from the missus
Friday, January 23, 2009
Robert Gibbs Press Conference
*******************************
Robert Gibbs Press Conference
January 22, 2009
******************************
Gibbs: First I would like to announce that President Obama will be receiving a Economic Daily Briefing - it will be like the PDB on security except it will be economic and Obama won't be ignoring it
Press: oooooh
Gibbs: Bush has handed us an economic emergency as you know - but as Barack Obama told me this morning - chill the fuck out i got this
Press: will really not torture or are just saying you won't but really will for ticking time bombs and stuff?
Gibbs: look Obama wants to protect people but we think the Army Field Manual is pretty good - and by the way it does allow torture for people who talk on cell phones in restaurants
Press: [ murmurs approval ]
Chip Reid: Republicans say if you let the terrorists out and give them $100, a new suit and raw uranium they will go out and fight America again
Gibbs: Chipper this order makes America safer and stronger and I don't care what some whiny ass titty babies say
C-Todd: did obama go back and re-sign the orders he signed before he re-swore on a koran and shouldn't he re-run for office out of an abundance of caution?
Gibbs: this has happened before - for example william howard taft swore to "uphold a virginia ham"
C-Todd: but you didn't release video from his re-swearing in
Gibbs: well Obama was in his superman underwear and Roberts was in feetie jammies
ABC: back to torture - doesn't this put America at risk from swarthy foreigners?
Gibbs: no
ABC: but the CIA director disagrees!
Gibbs: well fuck him - he's not the President Obama is and he's the only one who matters
Ed Henry: how can you say Obama has made America safe when swarthy men walk free among us, leering at our white women with impunity?
Gibbs: Did you not hear me when I said Obama is the new sheriff in town?
Ed Henry: i thought it was like a movie where the black guy disappears and a white guy takes over
Ed Henry: but you have no plan for the orange-suited swarthies!!
Gibbs: maybe they'll move in with you Ed
Ed: ok one of your nominees was a Raytheon lobbyist and Obama banned lobbyists
Gibbs: No, Obama has banned Dobbyists - he's freed the House Elves
Ed Henry: that's good news for Alan Colmes
Garrett: if you captured Osama bin Laden you really wouldn't torture him??
Gibbs: for what information - like where his driver is hiding?
Garrett: exactly
Garrett: talk money to me
Gibbs: Geithner, bitch!
Garrett: ok so torture Osama or not
Gibbs: well let's catch him first unlike Stupid
Press: will Obama save the economy?
Gibbs: we can if Congress gets off its ass
Press: but Obama is supposed to be the messiah…
Gibbs: you are getting sleepy.... very sleepy.....
Press: But but but-zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Press: will Obama buy all the toxic assets?
Gibbs: like the rights to Dick Cheney's memoirs?
Press: no i meant housing
Gibbs: calm down people we got this
Thomas: is torture wrong or not?
Gibbs: yes it is
Thomas: so what about all the secret prisons and renditionings and and the Grammy awards?
Gibbs: Under Obama boy bands will finally be stopped
Press: What about peace in the middle east?
Gibbs: we should have that done by next Friday
Press: why so long?
Gibbs: Barack is busy curing cancer and fixing the Super Bowl
Press: Obama thinks personal responsibility is important - who does he think are lazy?
Gibbs: George W. Bush and Wall Street
Press: whew! not the press!
Press: did Bush give late orders to torture liberals?
Gibbs: no but why take a chance?
Press: how was the first night in the White House
Gibbs: does the phrase "Most-Powerful-Couple-in-the-World-Sex" mean anything to you?
Press: why have off the record conversations?
Gibbs: you can write whatever you want
Press: can we his first name?
Gibbs: it's the same as a brazilian soccer star
Press: Pele?
Press: why has Obama not appointed any southerners to visible positions?
Gibbs: heh heh heh
Press: Obama isn't going to withdraw from Iraq is he?
Gibbs: he will consult with officers and Iraqis and the he will remind them that he is the motherfucking President!!
Press: you control the only image of Obama being sworn in!
Gibbs: what the hell - it's a swearing-in he didn't sacrifice a chicken
Press: yeah well he’s not Sarah Palin is he
Press: has Obama surrendered the War on Terrorism???
Gibbs: no it's over and we won
Press: will Barack sign an order cutting his salary?
Gibbs: that would be against the law
Press: but he could give money back to the Treasury!!
Gibbs: cause he's a greedy black man - sheesh
Press: will Obama admit the Republicans are right about everything?
Gibbs: this is fun.. there is something i forgot to say at the beginning... Obama is the MOTHERFUCKING PRESIDENT!!!
Press: but the Republicans -
Gibbs: CAN SUCK ON IT!
Press: they honeymood is over!!
Gibbs: yeah that 94-2 vote for Hillary Clinton was depressing
Press: why not 98 - 2?
Gibbs: cause david patterson can't make up his damm mind
Press: does the President have tek-know-legy
Gibbs: the President put the black in blackberry
Press: does Obama twitter?
Gibbs: yeah he lets updates me on teh score of football games?
Press: what kind of idiots read football scores on a blog?
Press: some whiny senators are miffed at Barack
Gibbs: yes they're adorable when the run to teh press and cry their little eyes out
Press: what's your plan to deal with it?
Gibbs: the President has created an Internal Binkie Task Force to address the problem
Robert Gibbs Press Conference
January 22, 2009
******************************
Gibbs: First I would like to announce that President Obama will be receiving a Economic Daily Briefing - it will be like the PDB on security except it will be economic and Obama won't be ignoring it
Press: oooooh
Gibbs: Bush has handed us an economic emergency as you know - but as Barack Obama told me this morning - chill the fuck out i got this
Press: will really not torture or are just saying you won't but really will for ticking time bombs and stuff?
Gibbs: look Obama wants to protect people but we think the Army Field Manual is pretty good - and by the way it does allow torture for people who talk on cell phones in restaurants
Press: [ murmurs approval ]
Chip Reid: Republicans say if you let the terrorists out and give them $100, a new suit and raw uranium they will go out and fight America again
Gibbs: Chipper this order makes America safer and stronger and I don't care what some whiny ass titty babies say
C-Todd: did obama go back and re-sign the orders he signed before he re-swore on a koran and shouldn't he re-run for office out of an abundance of caution?
Gibbs: this has happened before - for example william howard taft swore to "uphold a virginia ham"
C-Todd: but you didn't release video from his re-swearing in
Gibbs: well Obama was in his superman underwear and Roberts was in feetie jammies
ABC: back to torture - doesn't this put America at risk from swarthy foreigners?
Gibbs: no
ABC: but the CIA director disagrees!
Gibbs: well fuck him - he's not the President Obama is and he's the only one who matters
Ed Henry: how can you say Obama has made America safe when swarthy men walk free among us, leering at our white women with impunity?
Gibbs: Did you not hear me when I said Obama is the new sheriff in town?
Ed Henry: i thought it was like a movie where the black guy disappears and a white guy takes over
Ed Henry: but you have no plan for the orange-suited swarthies!!
Gibbs: maybe they'll move in with you Ed
Ed: ok one of your nominees was a Raytheon lobbyist and Obama banned lobbyists
Gibbs: No, Obama has banned Dobbyists - he's freed the House Elves
Ed Henry: that's good news for Alan Colmes
Garrett: if you captured Osama bin Laden you really wouldn't torture him??
Gibbs: for what information - like where his driver is hiding?
Garrett: exactly
Garrett: talk money to me
Gibbs: Geithner, bitch!
Garrett: ok so torture Osama or not
Gibbs: well let's catch him first unlike Stupid
Press: will Obama save the economy?
Gibbs: we can if Congress gets off its ass
Press: but Obama is supposed to be the messiah…
Gibbs: you are getting sleepy.... very sleepy.....
Press: But but but-zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Press: will Obama buy all the toxic assets?
Gibbs: like the rights to Dick Cheney's memoirs?
Press: no i meant housing
Gibbs: calm down people we got this
Thomas: is torture wrong or not?
Gibbs: yes it is
Thomas: so what about all the secret prisons and renditionings and and the Grammy awards?
Gibbs: Under Obama boy bands will finally be stopped
Press: What about peace in the middle east?
Gibbs: we should have that done by next Friday
Press: why so long?
Gibbs: Barack is busy curing cancer and fixing the Super Bowl
Press: Obama thinks personal responsibility is important - who does he think are lazy?
Gibbs: George W. Bush and Wall Street
Press: whew! not the press!
Press: did Bush give late orders to torture liberals?
Gibbs: no but why take a chance?
Press: how was the first night in the White House
Gibbs: does the phrase "Most-Powerful-Couple-in-the-World-Sex" mean anything to you?
Press: why have off the record conversations?
Gibbs: you can write whatever you want
Press: can we his first name?
Gibbs: it's the same as a brazilian soccer star
Press: Pele?
Press: why has Obama not appointed any southerners to visible positions?
Gibbs: heh heh heh
Press: Obama isn't going to withdraw from Iraq is he?
Gibbs: he will consult with officers and Iraqis and the he will remind them that he is the motherfucking President!!
Press: you control the only image of Obama being sworn in!
Gibbs: what the hell - it's a swearing-in he didn't sacrifice a chicken
Press: yeah well he’s not Sarah Palin is he
Press: has Obama surrendered the War on Terrorism???
Gibbs: no it's over and we won
Press: will Barack sign an order cutting his salary?
Gibbs: that would be against the law
Press: but he could give money back to the Treasury!!
Gibbs: cause he's a greedy black man - sheesh
Press: will Obama admit the Republicans are right about everything?
Gibbs: this is fun.. there is something i forgot to say at the beginning... Obama is the MOTHERFUCKING PRESIDENT!!!
Press: but the Republicans -
Gibbs: CAN SUCK ON IT!
Press: they honeymood is over!!
Gibbs: yeah that 94-2 vote for Hillary Clinton was depressing
Press: why not 98 - 2?
Gibbs: cause david patterson can't make up his damm mind
Press: does the President have tek-know-legy
Gibbs: the President put the black in blackberry
Press: does Obama twitter?
Gibbs: yeah he lets updates me on teh score of football games?
Press: what kind of idiots read football scores on a blog?
Press: some whiny senators are miffed at Barack
Gibbs: yes they're adorable when the run to teh press and cry their little eyes out
Press: what's your plan to deal with it?
Gibbs: the President has created an Internal Binkie Task Force to address the problem
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Meet the Press - January 18, 2009
*****************
Meet the Press
January 18, 2009
Guest: Rahm Emmanuel
*****************
Gregory: what will our new Kenyan-American Overlord say on Tuesday?
Emmanuel: he will say that for too long we've had a culture of Anything Goes!
Gregory: in olden times a glimpse of stocking was really quite shocking
Emmanuel: indeed
Gregory: what will we be sacrificing?
Emmanuel: not it's about sarifice it's about a value system of responsibility
Gregory: I just realized that after 25 years of big Republican spending that government spending is bad and staggering!!
Emmanuel: yes i noticed monkey-face
Gregory: i never cited 'per household debt' while Bush was president but as of today we under Obama Rules
Emmanuel: Republicans - Anything They Want; Democrats - Bad Whatever They DO
Gregory: I see you've Played Sunday TV before
Emmanuel: indeed i have Dancin' Dave
Gregory: but the debt!!
Emmanuel: hey Dancin' Fool the Dems handded Stupid a surplus and we in the middle of a vast and major economic crisis
Gregory: Yes but under Obama Rules Bush tax cuts for the rich are awesome and middle class tax cuts are irresponsible
Emmanuel: you are a silly person
Gregory: Jerry Lewis said Pell Grants, physics research, habitat restoration are OHHHHHMAAAAYYYY
Emmanuel: oh yeah right fuck college education
Gregory: but, but, but, it's not shovel ready!!
Emmanuel: why don't go dance with karl rove you hypocritical fucker
Gregory: What do you say to critics who say that Obama is actually to trying to implement the policies he was elected to do?
Emmanuel: he is
Gregory: but i don't recall sally quinn giving her permission
Emmanuel: i don't recall her winning the state of Indiana
Gregory: i obsessed on Blago last week and now Tim Geithner
Emmanuel: hey did you know a historic inauguration is taking place next week?
Gregory: whine whine whine
Gregory: let me return to my obsession with Roland Burris
Emmanuel: you need therapy dude
Gregory: but King Obama let Burris be seated
Emmanuel: he has to follow the law
Gregory: no i'm pretty sure Presidents don't have to do that
Gregory: what conversations did you have about Blago the senate seat
Emmanuel: fuck you
Gregory: but the transcripts show you did nothing wrong how do you response to this proof of your guilt
Emmanuel: fuck your mother David
Gregory: is he Blago guilty?
Emmanuel: fuck your sister too
Gregory: ok
Gregory: Is Bush a great President because we only had one Biggest Domestic Attack Ever??
Emmanuel: yes it's the great joy of my life to have only lost massive numbers of America lives in a preventable attack only that one time
Gregory: Polls say a huge number of people - 29% - say people want bipartisanship - but you are mean and evil
Emmanuel: Obama is the motherfucking president and I am willing to work with Republicans in our joint efforts to crushing conservatives and salting the earth with the dust of their bones
Gregory: well ok then - anything else you want to add to change the tone
Emmanuel: thanks for having me Dave and oh fuck you
Gregory: this is a historic moment
Goodwin: more than most - economic crisis, wars, and first black President
Gregory: indeed
Goodwin: plus Obama is a great writer and orator
Gregory: it's quite something
Goodwin: people will be watching in diners and bars
Brokaw: even Republicans are willing to set aside their hate because their 401ks are shrinking
Gregory: if MLK were here we would 80 and a ghost
Smiley: King would be happy today but it's not all about Black Faces in High Places
Gregory: he's very tall
Smiley: Obama's got to challenge the US people
Todd: He's testing driving his inaugural address
Gregory: he's a poet not a prosaic
Todd: the number one thing he has to do is make people sacrifice which is what all Democrats must do
Brooks: we need to move beyond Democratic ideology and unite behind massive spending and investing social security in the stock market
Gregory: is Obama Abe Lincoln?
Goodwin: I slept with Lincoln and his beard itched me
Brokaw: what was the Lincoln bedroom like?
Goodwin: when it's rocking don't come knockin - unless it's to announce the civil war is over
Gregory: i never knew you were Abe's lover
Doris: i lived with him for years and woke up with him every morning and slept with him every night
Smiley: if he's Lincoln then who is Frederick Douglass?
Gregory: Liberal bloggers
Brokaw: i drove out to Bull Run yesterday and reminisce about my days fighting there
Brooks: Lincoln was born a poor black banker - he hated the nanny state
Brokaw: the Greatest Generation brought us war-winning and arts
Gregory: did they really
Brokaw: i hate baby boomers but the real point is that the Great Generation
was tough and we've gotten soft gawd dammit
[ waves rake ]
Gregory: who is Obama?
Todd: Obama is an appeaser
Gregory: that's good
Todd: midnight basketball is for weenies
Smiley: we need to get large amounts of federal bailout money to poor people
Brokaw: ha ha ha -- thanks i needed a laugh in these tough times
Brokaw: people are losing their second homes!
Smiley: banks are using the money for fucking bonuses!
Brokaw: which is Obama's fault!
Gregory: let me obsess more on Blago and Warren
Brooks: what strikes me about Obama is that unlike Bush he doesn't sneer and belittle everyone who disagrees with him
Gregory: what a weirdo
Gregory: Tavis Obama snubbed you even though you are incredibly boring
Smiley: i have come to the conclusion that he ran a good campaign but i don't think Obama knows how to govern America
Gregory: and you do?
Smiley: yes i have a deep voice and middle-of-the-road positions
Goodwin: once when i was sleeping with LBJ he said America's problems are not just a negro problem
Gregory: Doris you have led one wild life
Meet the Press
January 18, 2009
Guest: Rahm Emmanuel
*****************
Gregory: what will our new Kenyan-American Overlord say on Tuesday?
Emmanuel: he will say that for too long we've had a culture of Anything Goes!
Gregory: in olden times a glimpse of stocking was really quite shocking
Emmanuel: indeed
Gregory: what will we be sacrificing?
Emmanuel: not it's about sarifice it's about a value system of responsibility
Gregory: I just realized that after 25 years of big Republican spending that government spending is bad and staggering!!
Emmanuel: yes i noticed monkey-face
Gregory: i never cited 'per household debt' while Bush was president but as of today we under Obama Rules
Emmanuel: Republicans - Anything They Want; Democrats - Bad Whatever They DO
Gregory: I see you've Played Sunday TV before
Emmanuel: indeed i have Dancin' Dave
Gregory: but the debt!!
Emmanuel: hey Dancin' Fool the Dems handded Stupid a surplus and we in the middle of a vast and major economic crisis
Gregory: Yes but under Obama Rules Bush tax cuts for the rich are awesome and middle class tax cuts are irresponsible
Emmanuel: you are a silly person
Gregory: Jerry Lewis said Pell Grants, physics research, habitat restoration are OHHHHHMAAAAYYYY
Emmanuel: oh yeah right fuck college education
Gregory: but, but, but, it's not shovel ready!!
Emmanuel: why don't go dance with karl rove you hypocritical fucker
Gregory: What do you say to critics who say that Obama is actually to trying to implement the policies he was elected to do?
Emmanuel: he is
Gregory: but i don't recall sally quinn giving her permission
Emmanuel: i don't recall her winning the state of Indiana
Gregory: i obsessed on Blago last week and now Tim Geithner
Emmanuel: hey did you know a historic inauguration is taking place next week?
Gregory: whine whine whine
Gregory: let me return to my obsession with Roland Burris
Emmanuel: you need therapy dude
Gregory: but King Obama let Burris be seated
Emmanuel: he has to follow the law
Gregory: no i'm pretty sure Presidents don't have to do that
Gregory: what conversations did you have about Blago the senate seat
Emmanuel: fuck you
Gregory: but the transcripts show you did nothing wrong how do you response to this proof of your guilt
Emmanuel: fuck your mother David
Gregory: is he Blago guilty?
Emmanuel: fuck your sister too
Gregory: ok
Gregory: Is Bush a great President because we only had one Biggest Domestic Attack Ever??
Emmanuel: yes it's the great joy of my life to have only lost massive numbers of America lives in a preventable attack only that one time
Gregory: Polls say a huge number of people - 29% - say people want bipartisanship - but you are mean and evil
Emmanuel: Obama is the motherfucking president and I am willing to work with Republicans in our joint efforts to crushing conservatives and salting the earth with the dust of their bones
Gregory: well ok then - anything else you want to add to change the tone
Emmanuel: thanks for having me Dave and oh fuck you
Gregory: this is a historic moment
Goodwin: more than most - economic crisis, wars, and first black President
Gregory: indeed
Goodwin: plus Obama is a great writer and orator
Gregory: it's quite something
Goodwin: people will be watching in diners and bars
Brokaw: even Republicans are willing to set aside their hate because their 401ks are shrinking
Gregory: if MLK were here we would 80 and a ghost
Smiley: King would be happy today but it's not all about Black Faces in High Places
Gregory: he's very tall
Smiley: Obama's got to challenge the US people
Todd: He's testing driving his inaugural address
Gregory: he's a poet not a prosaic
Todd: the number one thing he has to do is make people sacrifice which is what all Democrats must do
Brooks: we need to move beyond Democratic ideology and unite behind massive spending and investing social security in the stock market
Gregory: is Obama Abe Lincoln?
Goodwin: I slept with Lincoln and his beard itched me
Brokaw: what was the Lincoln bedroom like?
Goodwin: when it's rocking don't come knockin - unless it's to announce the civil war is over
Gregory: i never knew you were Abe's lover
Doris: i lived with him for years and woke up with him every morning and slept with him every night
Smiley: if he's Lincoln then who is Frederick Douglass?
Gregory: Liberal bloggers
Brokaw: i drove out to Bull Run yesterday and reminisce about my days fighting there
Brooks: Lincoln was born a poor black banker - he hated the nanny state
Brokaw: the Greatest Generation brought us war-winning and arts
Gregory: did they really
Brokaw: i hate baby boomers but the real point is that the Great Generation
was tough and we've gotten soft gawd dammit
[ waves rake ]
Gregory: who is Obama?
Todd: Obama is an appeaser
Gregory: that's good
Todd: midnight basketball is for weenies
Smiley: we need to get large amounts of federal bailout money to poor people
Brokaw: ha ha ha -- thanks i needed a laugh in these tough times
Brokaw: people are losing their second homes!
Smiley: banks are using the money for fucking bonuses!
Brokaw: which is Obama's fault!
Gregory: let me obsess more on Blago and Warren
Brooks: what strikes me about Obama is that unlike Bush he doesn't sneer and belittle everyone who disagrees with him
Gregory: what a weirdo
Gregory: Tavis Obama snubbed you even though you are incredibly boring
Smiley: i have come to the conclusion that he ran a good campaign but i don't think Obama knows how to govern America
Gregory: and you do?
Smiley: yes i have a deep voice and middle-of-the-road positions
Goodwin: once when i was sleeping with LBJ he said America's problems are not just a negro problem
Gregory: Doris you have led one wild life
The Chris Matthews Show - January 18, 2009
The Chris Matthews Show
January 18, 2009
******************************
Matthews: I've got inauguration fever and I'm having hallucinations - last night i dreamed a black man is going to be the President!!
Rather: wow!
Matthews: is Obama JFK, FDR, or Abe?
Rather: he's OMG!
Tweety: He's not tv - he's BHO!
Kay: the BBC is runnning a 5 hour coronation special on Obama
Tweety: why?
Kay: he's international and the world finds it amazing
Whitaker: Obama was abandoned by his father and then he discovered community and he may talk about how we need to be less selfish
Tweety: I agree - let's talk about me!
Cooper: he will also ask for sacrifice
Matthews: i will sacrifice by having another tv show
Cooper: that Kenyan tribe is brainy
Whitaker: he's actually Asian
Rather: Bush said let's go shopping and the nation wants this pilot to bring America to safe water landing
Tweety: take a sad song and make it better
Rather: Hey Dude!
Matthews: people don't give a shit about marc rich
Cooper: oh no in a few weeks we'll be talking about the failed Obama presidency
Kay: the Left will attack him
Tweety: the Liberal Bloggers!
Rather: why won't the GOP go after him?
Kay: cause they suck too much
Rather: companies are disappearing - it's like that episode of Star Trek
Tweety: i love Obama
Rather: he's Obama - not a wizard
Tweety: He's got a lightning scar - he's The Kenyan Who Won!
Whitaker: he's going to reach out the Islamic world and
tell them don't worry - the minarets are coming to America
Matthews: Obama thinks he's Lincoln - but Republicans say Abe was a GOPPER and Bush says he's like Lincoln
Rather: yeah that makes sense
Matthews: but i like Gerry Ford - he said he was average which is humble and stupid
Rather: people forget the value of humor and stupidity in politics
Tweety: i never do!
Matthews: break some news!
Kay: Obama should call out israel in the inaugural
Rather: Hillary needs to pay off her debt and Chris Dodd
may be Majority Leader just like Culture of Truth predicted months ago
Cooper: Hillary is leaving America
Whitaker: Big Health Care reform in 2009 including Medicare
Tweety: i predicted Obama would be President in 2004
Audience: you say alot of shit Tweety Bird
Tweety: my drug supplier is also named Hussein and so I think he's very excited and anyone who ever came here did better than in the country they left behind especially those lucky duckies in the middle passage -- we have an enemy named Hussein but also the most popular person in America which when you think about it is pretty fucking amazing
***********************************
January 18, 2009
******************************
Matthews: I've got inauguration fever and I'm having hallucinations - last night i dreamed a black man is going to be the President!!
Rather: wow!
Matthews: is Obama JFK, FDR, or Abe?
Rather: he's OMG!
Tweety: He's not tv - he's BHO!
Kay: the BBC is runnning a 5 hour coronation special on Obama
Tweety: why?
Kay: he's international and the world finds it amazing
Whitaker: Obama was abandoned by his father and then he discovered community and he may talk about how we need to be less selfish
Tweety: I agree - let's talk about me!
Cooper: he will also ask for sacrifice
Matthews: i will sacrifice by having another tv show
Cooper: that Kenyan tribe is brainy
Whitaker: he's actually Asian
Rather: Bush said let's go shopping and the nation wants this pilot to bring America to safe water landing
Tweety: take a sad song and make it better
Rather: Hey Dude!
Matthews: people don't give a shit about marc rich
Cooper: oh no in a few weeks we'll be talking about the failed Obama presidency
Kay: the Left will attack him
Tweety: the Liberal Bloggers!
Rather: why won't the GOP go after him?
Kay: cause they suck too much
Rather: companies are disappearing - it's like that episode of Star Trek
Tweety: i love Obama
Rather: he's Obama - not a wizard
Tweety: He's got a lightning scar - he's The Kenyan Who Won!
Whitaker: he's going to reach out the Islamic world and
tell them don't worry - the minarets are coming to America
Matthews: Obama thinks he's Lincoln - but Republicans say Abe was a GOPPER and Bush says he's like Lincoln
Rather: yeah that makes sense
Matthews: but i like Gerry Ford - he said he was average which is humble and stupid
Rather: people forget the value of humor and stupidity in politics
Tweety: i never do!
Matthews: break some news!
Kay: Obama should call out israel in the inaugural
Rather: Hillary needs to pay off her debt and Chris Dodd
may be Majority Leader just like Culture of Truth predicted months ago
Cooper: Hillary is leaving America
Whitaker: Big Health Care reform in 2009 including Medicare
Tweety: i predicted Obama would be President in 2004
Audience: you say alot of shit Tweety Bird
Tweety: my drug supplier is also named Hussein and so I think he's very excited and anyone who ever came here did better than in the country they left behind especially those lucky duckies in the middle passage -- we have an enemy named Hussein but also the most popular person in America which when you think about it is pretty fucking amazing
***********************************
Monday, January 12, 2009
Meet the Press - January 10, 2009
Meet The Press
January 10, 2009
Guests:
Rep. Bonior
Bill Cosby
Alvin Poussaint
*************************
Gregory: OMG the stimulus!
Harwood: billions for bridges, green jobs, tax cuts and happy stuff
Bonior: hell we need a trillion dollars to rescue the American economy
Gregory: i miss our Ponzi economy
Bonior: we need something better than that
Gregory: Obama said he plans to save America by the end of 2010
McLean: that's all very nice but what if we build up too much debt??
Gregory: we will have misery until 2010 - so sad
Gigot: but the Federal Reserve is printing magic money so that's good news
Gregory: Obama may have too much tax cuts which are too popular we all know its Democrats job to do unpopular thigns so Republicans can take power back
Gigot: that's right that's just how it works
Harwood: Debt by Democrats is bad - everyone knows that
McLean: right
Gigot: we need to give corporations the incentive to buy gold shower curtains
Gregory: will Obama save us all??
Bonior: oh it will pass and with GOP votes so they can't complain later
Gregory: [ high pitched whiny voice ] but it's expensive and it takes too long!!
Bonior: well what else?
Gregory: Hair tax credit for tv newsreaders??
Harwood: Obama needs a little flack from liberals to get broad support
Gregory: interesting
Harwood: he's got Boner, McConnell and Coburn on his side
Gregory: this is going to blow people away - Obama plans on spending $ 2 trillion
Gigot: why for that money we could invade and fail to occupy Myanmar
Gregory: i hate Obama!!
Gigot: hey the GOP spend some of this
Gregory: enough of the liberals at the Wall St. Journal editorial board!
McLean: no one ever talks about making people suffer anymore it's very sad
Gigot: the big bang for the buck is printing more money
Gregory: that's sounds like fun
Gigot: shoving money at people is awesome
Harwood: what's the exit strategy??
[viewer: where the fuck were all these questions 6 years ago???? ]
Bonior: we have to have a new Green economy
Gregory: speaking of that - Obama is building up too much debt!!!!
Gigot: Deficits matter!!
Gregory: I'm putting on my worried monkey-face
Gigot: i have to admit it's not all bad - debts to buy an aircraft carrier to win the Cold War is genius - if it goes to green jobs and bike paths its a waste
Harwood: i like Paul because he's good looking and completely insane
Gregory: the chinese!
McLean: what if they decide to stop lending to us?!!?
Gregory: Bush's beloved tax cuts!
Bonior: 10% of population take 90% of economic gains in the US
Gregory: well they are doing the hard work of spouting nonsense on TV
Bonior: sorry but Joe Biden is in charge now
Gregory: [ sobs ] I hate homeowners
McLean: house prices are still high compared to income
Gregory: what about capitalism?
Zandi: i will survive!
Gigot: we will become Europe which will be very tragic
January 10, 2009
Guests:
Rep. Bonior
Bill Cosby
Alvin Poussaint
*************************
Gregory: OMG the stimulus!
Harwood: billions for bridges, green jobs, tax cuts and happy stuff
Bonior: hell we need a trillion dollars to rescue the American economy
Gregory: i miss our Ponzi economy
Bonior: we need something better than that
Gregory: Obama said he plans to save America by the end of 2010
McLean: that's all very nice but what if we build up too much debt??
Gregory: we will have misery until 2010 - so sad
Gigot: but the Federal Reserve is printing magic money so that's good news
Gregory: Obama may have too much tax cuts which are too popular we all know its Democrats job to do unpopular thigns so Republicans can take power back
Gigot: that's right that's just how it works
Harwood: Debt by Democrats is bad - everyone knows that
McLean: right
Gigot: we need to give corporations the incentive to buy gold shower curtains
Gregory: will Obama save us all??
Bonior: oh it will pass and with GOP votes so they can't complain later
Gregory: [ high pitched whiny voice ] but it's expensive and it takes too long!!
Bonior: well what else?
Gregory: Hair tax credit for tv newsreaders??
Harwood: Obama needs a little flack from liberals to get broad support
Gregory: interesting
Harwood: he's got Boner, McConnell and Coburn on his side
Gregory: this is going to blow people away - Obama plans on spending $ 2 trillion
Gigot: why for that money we could invade and fail to occupy Myanmar
Gregory: i hate Obama!!
Gigot: hey the GOP spend some of this
Gregory: enough of the liberals at the Wall St. Journal editorial board!
McLean: no one ever talks about making people suffer anymore it's very sad
Gigot: the big bang for the buck is printing more money
Gregory: that's sounds like fun
Gigot: shoving money at people is awesome
Harwood: what's the exit strategy??
[viewer: where the fuck were all these questions 6 years ago???? ]
Bonior: we have to have a new Green economy
Gregory: speaking of that - Obama is building up too much debt!!!!
Gigot: Deficits matter!!
Gregory: I'm putting on my worried monkey-face
Gigot: i have to admit it's not all bad - debts to buy an aircraft carrier to win the Cold War is genius - if it goes to green jobs and bike paths its a waste
Harwood: i like Paul because he's good looking and completely insane
Gregory: the chinese!
McLean: what if they decide to stop lending to us?!!?
Gregory: Bush's beloved tax cuts!
Bonior: 10% of population take 90% of economic gains in the US
Gregory: well they are doing the hard work of spouting nonsense on TV
Bonior: sorry but Joe Biden is in charge now
Gregory: [ sobs ] I hate homeowners
McLean: house prices are still high compared to income
Gregory: what about capitalism?
Zandi: i will survive!
Gigot: we will become Europe which will be very tragic
The Chris Matthews Show - January 10, 2009
The Chris Matthews Show
January 10, 2009
**************************
Matthews: OMG is this the end of white America????
Page: No it's just more a tan America
O'Donnell: we are on teh cusp of a non-white America!!
Tweety: yeah in 2042
Noron: I'm panicking now!!
Parker: I'm so confused - I mean obama had a white mother and he threw her under the bus
Tweety: I'm white!!
Matthews: what will happen to the WASPs???
Page: Killer African bees wiped them out dude
Salaam: Everyone loves a little ethnicity
Parker: one of my best friends is a cuban
Tweety: I once met Al Pacino!
Matthews: Burriss smells like teen scandal
Page: hey in politics race matters
Tweety: what if Burriss was white?
Page: then Blago would not have nominated him
Salam: Blago is pretty smart for a white guy
Tweety: where are all the black Senators?
Salam: Idaho will elect a leprechaun before they elect a black guy
Matthews: Obama said poor whites cling to guns god and gays
Page: It's true
Parker: No people cling to guns because they belong to a culture of shooting people
Page: because they're afraid
Parker: i cling to wine myself
Page: well that's my point
Parker: Obama is black and so could never relate to a culture of guns
Matthews: OMG Obama met with the former Presnits!!!
O'Donnell: Obama called this meeting so he could have a photo op with the old guys
Tweety: he can learn from Carter to unite blacks and whites
Noron: he knows that already stupid
Page: he learned from Bush I to pretend he cares about the little people
Tweety: no he learned to send thank you notes to world leaders
Parker: the interns
Panel: ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Salam: he can learn from George W Bush to build up the party
Tweety: huh?
Salam: well sure he failed but he was reelected
Parker: Clearly Obama has learned from Stupid that stubborness is bad
Tweety: wow
Noron: Obama has become the spokesman for the Black Berry
Tweety: this reminds me of when Eleanor endorsed margarine
Page: Harry Reid has no spine
Tweety: i said tell me something i don't know
Parker: people whisper to me that i worked for Reagan but they voted for Obama
Salam: Obama isn't rewarding loyalty because he wants a big tent
Tweety: wow
Matthews: why are the Dems fighting Obama more than the GOP
O'Donnell: because they can
Page: now is the time
Parker: they're whiners
Salam: they are not potted plants!!
January 10, 2009
**************************
Matthews: OMG is this the end of white America????
Page: No it's just more a tan America
O'Donnell: we are on teh cusp of a non-white America!!
Tweety: yeah in 2042
Noron: I'm panicking now!!
Parker: I'm so confused - I mean obama had a white mother and he threw her under the bus
Tweety: I'm white!!
Matthews: what will happen to the WASPs???
Page: Killer African bees wiped them out dude
Salaam: Everyone loves a little ethnicity
Parker: one of my best friends is a cuban
Tweety: I once met Al Pacino!
Matthews: Burriss smells like teen scandal
Page: hey in politics race matters
Tweety: what if Burriss was white?
Page: then Blago would not have nominated him
Salam: Blago is pretty smart for a white guy
Tweety: where are all the black Senators?
Salam: Idaho will elect a leprechaun before they elect a black guy
Matthews: Obama said poor whites cling to guns god and gays
Page: It's true
Parker: No people cling to guns because they belong to a culture of shooting people
Page: because they're afraid
Parker: i cling to wine myself
Page: well that's my point
Parker: Obama is black and so could never relate to a culture of guns
Matthews: OMG Obama met with the former Presnits!!!
O'Donnell: Obama called this meeting so he could have a photo op with the old guys
Tweety: he can learn from Carter to unite blacks and whites
Noron: he knows that already stupid
Page: he learned from Bush I to pretend he cares about the little people
Tweety: no he learned to send thank you notes to world leaders
Parker: the interns
Panel: ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Salam: he can learn from George W Bush to build up the party
Tweety: huh?
Salam: well sure he failed but he was reelected
Parker: Clearly Obama has learned from Stupid that stubborness is bad
Tweety: wow
Noron: Obama has become the spokesman for the Black Berry
Tweety: this reminds me of when Eleanor endorsed margarine
Page: Harry Reid has no spine
Tweety: i said tell me something i don't know
Parker: people whisper to me that i worked for Reagan but they voted for Obama
Salam: Obama isn't rewarding loyalty because he wants a big tent
Tweety: wow
Matthews: why are the Dems fighting Obama more than the GOP
O'Donnell: because they can
Page: now is the time
Parker: they're whiners
Salam: they are not potted plants!!
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Meet The Press - January 4, 2009
January 4, 2009
Guest: Sen. Harry Reid
*******************************
Gregory: hi i hope you all a terrific new year and oh some rockets fired somewhere
Engel: rockets go up and rockets go down
Gregory: interesting
Engel: so Israel in now moving ground forces in
Gregory: but Hamas has weapons that doesn't seem fair
Engel: don't worry Israel has bulldozers
Gregory: oh ok
Gregory: no one likes Hamas
Engel: true the governments don't but the people on the street support Palestinians
Gregory: cease fire
Engel: Israel would love one but first Hamas can't have any weapons
Gregory: makes sense
Gregory: Senator was this offensive or defensive?
Reid: well i asked the Prime Minister and he told Hamas has to come to their sense and stop climbing fences
Gregory: so sad
Reid: hey they gave them Gaza as a a gesture for peace if it were us we would invade canada
Gregory: forcibly remove Hamas?
Reid: yes - no - whatever
Gregory: why not seat Burris
Reid: oh i now i can't Blago is obviously corrupt
Gregory: he hasn't even been charged!!
Reid: irrelevant he's got a big cloud over his head
Gregory: now what
Reid: if he steps down then he can appoint who he wants
Gregory: I'm confused
Gregory: will you refuse to seat Burriss
Reid: hey the Senate can seat anyone we want even George Bush's horse
Gregory: some say Burris' appointment is legal
Reid: yeah but Adam Clayton Powell had been accused of something in this case Burris has not
Gregory: mah haid is spinning
Reid: everyone in Illinois is tainted
Gregory: isn't this about your fear of being accused of taint
Reid: oh no I don't think so
Gregory: strong denial!
Gregory: you rejected three black men and now you say you don't hate blacks
Reid: David you fell Blago's lies
Gregory: but you might be on tape!
Reid: so what Blago just makes shit up
Gregory: well don't we all
Gregory: Prince says you're a racist
Reid: purple states rain!
bobby rush: just appoint the black man!
Gregory: will send the police to block Burris
Reid: i will do whatever mitch mcconnell wants to do
Gregory: sounds good
Gregory: what is the most important goal for the government
Reid: to be bipartisan
Gregory: what if that stops getting something done
Reid: too bad
Gregory: what else
Reid: my batteries need to be replaced and the Vegas housing bubble needs to be reinflated
Gregory: sounds good
Reid: also America is now so rich all cancer treatment has been halted and patients have been a big foam finger USA # 1
Gregory: solution?
Reid: stop all foreclosures - no wait no
Gregory: do you have any ideas at all
Reid: we have a dem president and dem senate and dem house so i need to check with Mitch McConnell
Gregory: payroll tax cut?
Reid: umm hmm i dunno
Gregory: my 401k sucks so please solve it desert boy
Reid: i plan to write a strongly-worded letter to the SEC
Gregory: really
Reid: well not too strongly-worded
Gregory: you say the 2008 election proved Americans are centrists
Reid: i plan on working with John McCain
Gregory: but he lost!
Reid: but he's mah fwend
Gregory: you were wrong about Iraq!
Reid: true but I was right when said the war was lost it was lost
Gregory: but teh Surge!
Reid: pheh
Gregory: but the war cannot be lost - we're Americans!
Reid: mwew
Gregory: don't you regret being mean to poor widdle George Bus?
Reid: heh heh heh i regret that we let that incompetent dick run this counrty in the ground for 8 years
Gregory: meanie
Guest: Sen. Harry Reid
*******************************
Gregory: hi i hope you all a terrific new year and oh some rockets fired somewhere
Engel: rockets go up and rockets go down
Gregory: interesting
Engel: so Israel in now moving ground forces in
Gregory: but Hamas has weapons that doesn't seem fair
Engel: don't worry Israel has bulldozers
Gregory: oh ok
Gregory: no one likes Hamas
Engel: true the governments don't but the people on the street support Palestinians
Gregory: cease fire
Engel: Israel would love one but first Hamas can't have any weapons
Gregory: makes sense
Gregory: Senator was this offensive or defensive?
Reid: well i asked the Prime Minister and he told Hamas has to come to their sense and stop climbing fences
Gregory: so sad
Reid: hey they gave them Gaza as a a gesture for peace if it were us we would invade canada
Gregory: forcibly remove Hamas?
Reid: yes - no - whatever
Gregory: why not seat Burris
Reid: oh i now i can't Blago is obviously corrupt
Gregory: he hasn't even been charged!!
Reid: irrelevant he's got a big cloud over his head
Gregory: now what
Reid: if he steps down then he can appoint who he wants
Gregory: I'm confused
Gregory: will you refuse to seat Burriss
Reid: hey the Senate can seat anyone we want even George Bush's horse
Gregory: some say Burris' appointment is legal
Reid: yeah but Adam Clayton Powell had been accused of something in this case Burris has not
Gregory: mah haid is spinning
Reid: everyone in Illinois is tainted
Gregory: isn't this about your fear of being accused of taint
Reid: oh no I don't think so
Gregory: strong denial!
Gregory: you rejected three black men and now you say you don't hate blacks
Reid: David you fell Blago's lies
Gregory: but you might be on tape!
Reid: so what Blago just makes shit up
Gregory: well don't we all
Gregory: Prince says you're a racist
Reid: purple states rain!
bobby rush: just appoint the black man!
Gregory: will send the police to block Burris
Reid: i will do whatever mitch mcconnell wants to do
Gregory: sounds good
Gregory: what is the most important goal for the government
Reid: to be bipartisan
Gregory: what if that stops getting something done
Reid: too bad
Gregory: what else
Reid: my batteries need to be replaced and the Vegas housing bubble needs to be reinflated
Gregory: sounds good
Reid: also America is now so rich all cancer treatment has been halted and patients have been a big foam finger USA # 1
Gregory: solution?
Reid: stop all foreclosures - no wait no
Gregory: do you have any ideas at all
Reid: we have a dem president and dem senate and dem house so i need to check with Mitch McConnell
Gregory: payroll tax cut?
Reid: umm hmm i dunno
Gregory: my 401k sucks so please solve it desert boy
Reid: i plan to write a strongly-worded letter to the SEC
Gregory: really
Reid: well not too strongly-worded
Gregory: you say the 2008 election proved Americans are centrists
Reid: i plan on working with John McCain
Gregory: but he lost!
Reid: but he's mah fwend
Gregory: you were wrong about Iraq!
Reid: true but I was right when said the war was lost it was lost
Gregory: but teh Surge!
Reid: pheh
Gregory: but the war cannot be lost - we're Americans!
Reid: mwew
Gregory: don't you regret being mean to poor widdle George Bus?
Reid: heh heh heh i regret that we let that incompetent dick run this counrty in the ground for 8 years
Gregory: meanie
The Chris Matthews Show - January 4, 2009
January 4, 2009
Matthews: OMG Obama said he feels pressure to keep the promises he made but the Villlage will pressure him not to!!!
Burnett: well why not cut middle class tax cuts?
Brooks: everyone likes middles class tax cuts!
Matthews: well why didn't George Bush do it?
Brooksies: ah i just found out - he's an asshole
Matthews: raise taxes on the rich?
Klein: no there aren't any left after Bush's presidency
Matthews: 2 million news jobs!??
Burnett: he's going to build 1 million news tennis courts and pools
Brooks: amen!
Tweety: but it won't happen tomorrow that liar!
Klein: he's not a presidential candidate who lies - he means what he says
Tweety: wow!
Klein: they will be shovel-ready jobs
Tweety: i've got something he can shovel!
Tweety: i want to to talk to a smart conservative - but instead here's david brooks
Brooks: i'm filled with foreboding in my experience government never works
Tweety: who do you know?
Brooks: conservatives
Klein: aha
Tweety: wow health care is favored by business
Burnett: shocking I know
Brooks: my irrational fears are troubling to me
Tweety: we are going to need alot more doctors and nurses
Klein: yes the american system is a mess
Tweety: i was talking about me
Tweety: holy shit barack blinded me with a science-based administration
Burnett: i want me some stell cells
Brooks: i'm scared i eat carbon for breakfast
Burnett: wind sucks
Tweety: i bathe in oil
Tweety: OMG Nixon's entire career was based on hypocrisy!!
Burnett: heee heee
Tweety: Bush I and Bush II too
Brooks: oh well you can nit pick
Klein: those were the days
Tweety: OMG Obama was elected on a promise to withdraw from Iraq will he please stay!!
Brooks: sadly the Iraqis want us to lead - which means Obama must lie to them and the people to stay
Tweety: Afghanistan forever!!
Brooks: it turns out Obama was right which means he was wrong
Klein: you idiots the reason its tough is because it's important
Tweety: can we invade Grenada again that was fun
Brooks: boo yah!
Tweety: wow Obama promised to be a dumbfuck on Israel
Klein: turns out the middle east is not easy for America to solve
Burnett: why does America have to solve it at all
Brooks: don't worry your pretty head Erin we're men so we're experts on everything from Syria to nuclear power
Norah: can i talk?
Tweety: sure i dig you sweetums
O'Donnell: Longer school days!
Tweety: the nuns used to beat me
Burnett: i knew i would be on your tv show tweety so i brought toilet paper
Tweety: the golden lining for the economy?
Burnett: the rich still are swimming in money
Brooks: don't squeeze me bro!
Tweety: will Obama win the presidency again?!!?
Norah: air force one baby!
Burnett: he'll have a good year if he gets a good stimulus
Brooks: he will have a good year if he gives in to Republicans early
Klein: in your dreams weiner
Matthews: OMG Obama said he feels pressure to keep the promises he made but the Villlage will pressure him not to!!!
Burnett: well why not cut middle class tax cuts?
Brooks: everyone likes middles class tax cuts!
Matthews: well why didn't George Bush do it?
Brooksies: ah i just found out - he's an asshole
Matthews: raise taxes on the rich?
Klein: no there aren't any left after Bush's presidency
Matthews: 2 million news jobs!??
Burnett: he's going to build 1 million news tennis courts and pools
Brooks: amen!
Tweety: but it won't happen tomorrow that liar!
Klein: he's not a presidential candidate who lies - he means what he says
Tweety: wow!
Klein: they will be shovel-ready jobs
Tweety: i've got something he can shovel!
Tweety: i want to to talk to a smart conservative - but instead here's david brooks
Brooks: i'm filled with foreboding in my experience government never works
Tweety: who do you know?
Brooks: conservatives
Klein: aha
Tweety: wow health care is favored by business
Burnett: shocking I know
Brooks: my irrational fears are troubling to me
Tweety: we are going to need alot more doctors and nurses
Klein: yes the american system is a mess
Tweety: i was talking about me
Tweety: holy shit barack blinded me with a science-based administration
Burnett: i want me some stell cells
Brooks: i'm scared i eat carbon for breakfast
Burnett: wind sucks
Tweety: i bathe in oil
Tweety: OMG Nixon's entire career was based on hypocrisy!!
Burnett: heee heee
Tweety: Bush I and Bush II too
Brooks: oh well you can nit pick
Klein: those were the days
Tweety: OMG Obama was elected on a promise to withdraw from Iraq will he please stay!!
Brooks: sadly the Iraqis want us to lead - which means Obama must lie to them and the people to stay
Tweety: Afghanistan forever!!
Brooks: it turns out Obama was right which means he was wrong
Klein: you idiots the reason its tough is because it's important
Tweety: can we invade Grenada again that was fun
Brooks: boo yah!
Tweety: wow Obama promised to be a dumbfuck on Israel
Klein: turns out the middle east is not easy for America to solve
Burnett: why does America have to solve it at all
Brooks: don't worry your pretty head Erin we're men so we're experts on everything from Syria to nuclear power
Norah: can i talk?
Tweety: sure i dig you sweetums
O'Donnell: Longer school days!
Tweety: the nuns used to beat me
Burnett: i knew i would be on your tv show tweety so i brought toilet paper
Tweety: the golden lining for the economy?
Burnett: the rich still are swimming in money
Brooks: don't squeeze me bro!
Tweety: will Obama win the presidency again?!!?
Norah: air force one baby!
Burnett: he'll have a good year if he gets a good stimulus
Brooks: he will have a good year if he gives in to Republicans early
Klein: in your dreams weiner
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