Thursday, November 26, 2015

Meet The Press – November 22, 2015

Jeh Johnson (Sec. of DHS)
Bill Bratton
Gov. John Kasich
Leon Panetta
Richard Engel
Arsalan Iftikhar
Tom Brokaw
Kathleen Parker
Helene Cooper
Ron Fournier
Todd: omg im scared of terror!

Todd: omg I'm scared of terror!

Johnson: we have no specific credible
threats to America

Todd: are you sure?

Johnson: we want people to
know we're vigilant

Todd: they shut down Brussels – does that
mean an attack is about to happen here?

Johnson: maybe – if you see something 
say something

Todd: I'm frightened

Johnson: we're on the job

Todd: shooting up a pizza parlor is
inexpensive which scares me

Bratton: we just had a pretend terror
attack in New York

Todd: Macy's Thanksgiving Day parada

Bratton: we will have 1,000 police
officers just to stop terrorists

Bratton: it will be safe and secure
with no wind and 3 million people

Todd: what about the visa waiver issue?

Johnson: we've only had 2,000 Syria refugees

Todd: eek

Johnson: but people can come from
Europe without a visa

Todd: how about we just get rid of all Europeans
visiting America – 
they're all socialists anyway

Johnson: no we need it for tourism 
and business

Todd: the Washington D.C. police chief says
civilians should shoot terrorists

Bratton: hey if you've got a gun and see 
someone with an AK-47 go to town

Todd: I'm locked and loaded

Bratton: I'm more worried about letting
people on the terrorist watch list 
buy guns and bombs

Todd: thanks for coming Bill

[ break ]

Todd: why can't we just destroy ISIS?

Engel: Paris showed ISIS is a 
world-wide threat!

Engel: ISIS is the most successful
terror group since al-qaeda

French guy: daesh leaves 
al-qaeda in the dust!

Engel: they've attacked Russia and France

Putin: we will crush them!

Engel: the United States and Iran
are both attacking ISIS!

Expert: Turkey hates the Kurds
and Saudia Arabia hates Iranians

Engel: will Paris shock the world
or will it take an attack on America?

Todd: get some sleep Richard

[ break ]

Todd welcome Leon

Panetta: hi Chuck

Todd: is Obama's plan working?

Panetta: we have the right mission
but we haven't done enough

Todd: oh really?

Panetta: we need to be
much more aggressive

Todd: do we need to what we're doing faster?

Panetta: ISIS is a clear and
present danger to America

Todd: yikes

Panetta: we need to unify all the 
countries fighting ISIS

Todd: problem solved

Panetta: we to do more bombing
and arm the Sunnis

Todd: yeah!

Panetta: frankly we need more 
U.S. troops on the ground

Todd: should we have bombed Assad
and armed Syrian rebels?

Panetta: Assad is the primary villain and
so is Iran and also Hezbollah and also 
Malaki and the U.S. should have created
a moderate force in Iraq

Brokaw: Obama is weak and Republicans
are crazy – what should we do?

Panetta: the U.S. has to lead!

Todd: yay

Panetta: the U.S. should have stronger leadership!

Todd: U.S. should be strong!

Panetta: we're going to have put in
thousands of ground troops in Iraq and Syria

Todd: uh oh

Panetta: we have to invade and occupy
Iraq and Syria!

Cooper: do you really think we can
unify the U.S. and Russia and Iran?

Panetta: of course not

Todd: ah

Panetta: we should invoke Article 5 
of the NATO charter

Todd: was that in 50 Shades of Gray?

Panetta: we have the same team 
we had in Libya

Todd: which went so well

Panetta: I don't trust Russia or Iran

Todd: what's worse – ISIS or Assad

Panetta: we should wage war on ISIS and
Assad at the same time – he's a war criminal
and they're unpleasant in the extreme

[ break ]

Todd: Obama is tone-deaf but 
Republicans are lunatics

Trump: I want mass surveillance of Muslims!

Cruz: we're not attacked by Presbyterians!

Carson: refugees are rabid dogs!

Todd: It's not easy being a muslim is it?

Iftikhar: Muslims are snooped and
threatened all over America

Todd: omg

Enetekar: that's par for the course since 9/11

Trump: in Jersey City thousands 
cheered on 9/11

Bush: Islam is peace!

Rubio: all Muslims are like Nazis

Bush: there is no clash of civilizations

Carson: refugees are like rabid dogs!

Bush: we respect all faiths

Todd: please praise George W. Bush for me

Iftikhar: who cares – he would be
shouted out of the party now

Todd: true

Iftikhar: are they going to put Kareem
Abdul Jabbar and Muhammad Ali and
Dave Chapelle in this database?

Todd: is it a database of Most 
Popular Americans?

Iftikhar: no

Todd: oh too bad

Iftikhar: are they going make us 
wear the Star of David?

Todd: probably not

Iftikhar: how about a crescent?

Todd: only if Trump becomes President
but that's like a one in four chance

Parker: why don't you ask them to 
tone down the rhetoric?

Iftikhar: how about good decent
people speak out against this?

Parker: I'm just saying you should
meet with people who hate you

Todd: how a public forum like my show?

Parker: exactly!

Iftikhar: will this forum take place
in Muslim internment camps?

Fournier: why don't people put the
flag of Mali in the twitter avatar?

Iftikhar: because Mali is full black people
so Americans don't give a shit

Fournier: but is it really just racism –
after I didn't do it and I can't be racist

Iftikhar: media let these weirdos go one
about rabid dogs and special IDs and Muslim
databases and then say 'both sides do it'

Brokaw: this is really Obama's fault for
not educating people about his faith

Cooper: there is no link between Syria refugees
and Paris and the 
media doesn't report on that

Brokaw: they are orphans because
of Obama's bombs

Fournier: we are one domestic attack from
a total unraveling of this country

Iftikhar: 30% people think Islam 
should be illegal! Wake the fuck up!

Todd: how do we combat that 
kind of thinking?

Iftikhar: if only there was so medium
that could reach millions of people

Todd: oh I get it – you're talking 
about the Internet

Iftikhar: JFC

Todd: the US has taken in 120,000 Iraqi refugees and 785,000 refugees have 
been admitted since 9/11 and only 
a dozen were possible terrorists

Todd: The U.N. referred at 23,000 refugees and the U.S. interviewed 7,000 and took 
only 2,000 Syria refugees

Todd: the real problem is visa waiver program –
basically anyone from Europe can 
come in no question asked

Todd: all the 9/11 hijackers all 
came in on a visa

Todd: welcome Governor Kasich

Todd: you want to promote judeo-christian values – do you hate other religions

Kasich: no I only mean respecting
life and women and freedom and 
all that Christian stuff

Todd: I see

Kasich: you're clearly a stupid person Chuck

Todd: i've heard that

Kasich: we need to win the battle of ideas!

Todd: yeah!

Kasich: Western civilization is under attack –
they want to destroy our way of life

Todd: that's not very nice

Kasich: science and women's rights
are under attack!

Todd: are we talking about ISIS 
or the Republicans?

Kasich: we believe in life and they 
believe in death

Todd: go on

Kasich: the west represents freedom
and progress and the East is a death cult

Todd: so it's a war of East vs West?

Kasich: Musims and Arabs used to believe
in science and now they believe in murder

Todd: at least it's an ethos

Kasich: we need to work with moderates
like the Saudis

Todd: good plan

Kasich: we have to stop the radicalization
of people and get them to embrace
civilization and the western ethic

Todd: what's wrong the GOP – I mean 
with the talk about rabid dogs and
Muslim-American registries?

Kasich: I'm in a war with Donald Trump!

Kasich: I condemned him!

Todd: well he's beating you

Kasich: no he's not?

Todd: no?

Kasich: I'm in a twitter war
with Donald Trump!

Todd: Bratton wants to stop people
from terror watch list buy a gun?

Kasich: we can't do that because
guns make you safe

[ break ]

Todd: so do we think of Kasich?

Brokaw: he doesn't hate Muslims
so he will be attacked by the right wing

Todd: that checks out

Brokaw: Indonesia has some very nice
Muslims and some lovely beaches

Todd: I've heard that

Brokaw: Donald Trump is lying about
thousands in Jersey City cheering the
towers falling down

Cruz: Mr. President insult me to my face!

Todd: that's batshit insane

Parker: that was a very smart move

Parker: it's playground swagger

Cooper: the whole fucking GOP primary
campaign is lies and childish swagger

Todd: omg a Democrat won the
Governor's race in Louisiana

Fournier: sure but he was pro-gun pro-life 
veteran up against a guy 
who went to hookers

Todd: good point Ron

Fournier: we as a people need to stop demonizing
each other and 
also our leaders are bad

Brokaw: Paris shows we are at war!

Todd: it's like 1941 all over again!

Brokaw: we have going to have to re-invade and re-occupy Iraq and we're not going to get a lot of help from Europe this time

Todd: didn't France just declare war on ISIS?

Fournier: forget it he's tolling

Cooper: nobody leave al qaeda in a corner!

Parker: if we re-invade Iraq we're just
going to create more radicals in Paris 
and not the cool kind with the 
berets and fancy cigarettes

Fournier: should we draft young 
people like we did in WWII?

Brokaw: absolutely

Todd: and that's another
episode of Meet The Press