Sunday, September 15, 2013

This Week with George Stephanopoulos - September 15, 2013

President Barack Obama
Rep. Donna Edwards
Rep. Justin Amash
Paul Gigot
Matthew Dowd

Stephanopoulos: OMG Obama achieved victory
through peace and of course is now facing
a mountain of criticism

Obama: we are trying to make sure
chemical weapons are not used again

Stephanopoulos: can we do that?

Obama: when this began two weeks ago
Assad massacred children and denied
everything and was protected by Russia

Stephanopoulos: a dire situation with
no good solution

Obama: now in two weeks we've got
Russia pushing Syria to get rid of its
chemical weapons which they now
admit having – that's pretty amazing

Stephanopoulos: I suppose

Obama: Syria is tragic but we can't get
involved in someone else's civil war

Stephanopoulos: but you said Assad had to go

Obama: we have said you can't use
weapons which gas little children –
but now we've got Assad in the
bargaining stage which is progress

Stephanopoulos: Putin says the rebels used
the chemical weapons

Obama: no one believes that

Stephanopoulos: Putin does

Obama: some rebels are al-qaeda and
they would use chemical weapons if they could

Stephanopoulos: wow

Obama: I talked to Putin a year
ago about all this

Stephanopoulos: can you trust him?

Obama: he's a son of a bitch but we both
don't want Syria to fall apart or for
the crazies to get chemical weapons

Stephanopoulos: what else

Obama: we both want to stop the slaughter in 
Syria so I welcome Putin being involved

Stephanopoulos: really

Obama: I welcome Putin taking responsibility
for making their client give up their weapons

Stephanopoulos: what if Putin is just playing for time

Obama: we couldn't fight in Afghanistan
without Putin's help - did you know that?

Stephanopoulos: yeah but he's still a bastard

Obama: this fight is not U.S. vs Russia –
it's getting chemical weapons out of
hands a psycho dictator and also crazy rebels

Stephanopoulos: what if Assad remains
in power and free to kill civilians?

Obama: yes because we can we got
him to give up the chemical weapons

Stephanopoulos: for real

Obama: but he won't be a legitimate leader
so he will be embarrassed so come to international
summits so that's a win

Stephanopoulos: what about Iran –
have you reached out to the new President?

Obama: we friended each other and
send texts all the time – “Yo Whats Up BO” 
“I Got ASSad LOL

Stephanopoulos: do you think Iran thinks
you are weak and won't use the military?

Obama: how many people do I have to kill George?

Stephanopoulos: at least 5

Obama: Iran now knows I will used
force but am willing to use diplomacy

Stephanopoulos: what do you think
of your armchair critics?

Obama: People in D.C. grade on style
and not substance – if something is
smoothly done but a total failure
Beltway pundits love it

Stephanopoulos: how do you know that?

Obama: they loved the Iraq war

Stephanopoulos: oh right

Obama: I'm not concerned about style points –
although let's face it – I have awesome style

Stephanopoulos: but your critics say
you are all over the place

Obama: I have said all along – I want to deal
with chemical weapons and I did it

Stephanopoulos: so what do you say to your critics

Obama: they can kiss my assad

Stephanopoulos: we're five years out from Lehman 
Brothers which was the largest bankruptcy since 
Nebuchednezzar lost his fortune on hanging 
gardens and forgot to water them

Obama: in some ways 2008 was worse
than the Great Depression and since then we've
created 7 million jobs and banks are giving out loans

Stephanopoulos: that's something I guess

Obama: but the benefits went to rich people

Stephanopoulos: 95% of the gains!

Obama: my goal was first to stabilize
the economy and fix income inequality

Stephanopoulos: I see

Obama: that's why I raised taxes on
the rich and passed Obamacare

Stephanopoulos: what else

Obama: we require banks to have more
money set aside so they won't be too big too fail

Stephanopoulos: but inequality is getting worse
can you do nothing?

Obama: whole occupations are being 
eliminated by robots

Stephanopoulos: that's scary

Obama: I predict the next Vice President will 
be a handsome android

Stephanopoulos: fascinating – who will 
you name as Fed Chair?

Obama: a cat riding a Roomba

Stephanopoulos: we've done worse

Obama: but a robot can't build a road

HAL 9000: I'm afraid I can't agree Barack

Obama: slashing Medicaid is not the answer

Stephanopoulos: Boehner says you must negotiate
over the debt ceiling – are you refusing to negotiate?

Obama: no no no – I've presented a good
budget but I'm willing to talk anytime

Stephanopoulos: ok

Obama: but I refuse to negotiate over the ceiling

Stephanopoulos: but other President's have

Obama: no that has never happened where
a President debate major legislation or budget
talks over a threat to refuse to pay the nation's bills

Stephanopoulos: so how does this end –
are you just gambling that they will cave?

Obama: look we can't set a precedent
where the House tries to get its way by
threatening not pay the country's bills

Stephanopoulos: but but

Obama: we're not doing it dammit

Stephanopoulos: all right

Obama: look the deficit has been cut!

Stephanopoulos: true

Obama: I'm even willing to cut
corporate taxes and entitlements!

Stephanopoulos: okay you win that one
but 2013 is still a failure for you because
you can't immigration reform or gun control

Obama: immigration reform passed the
Senate and would pass the House if
John Boehner had the guts to put it to a vote

Stephanopoulos: maybe

Obama: background checks are also
really popular but there is a crazy faction
in Washington that opposes anything 
with my name on it

Stephanopoulos: who will you endorse –
Biden or Clinton?

Obama: we're very lucky to have great potential candidates

Stephanopoulos: but what about 2016?

Obama: hey I just got reelected – I have three
more years of dealing with this insane town
to look forward to

Stephanopoulos: fair enough

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: Obama says we are better
off than we were two weeks ago – is he right?

Dowd: of course he is – and I'm a Republican!

Stephanopoulos: you surprise me

Dowd: he fumbled to the goal line

Roberts: in the Cuban Missile crisis JFK 
stumbled to success

Stephanopoulos: McCain and Graham
wanted us to go to war

Amash: they're idiots – I approve of Obama's 
actions here – and I'm a Republican

Edwards: Democrats have to admit the threat of force worked

Gigot: this is a disaster because you
want trust those wily arabs

Stephanopoulos: you are wise

Roberts: this is weak because the UN is useless!

Edwards: cripes Obama is still reserving
the right to launch missiles

Stephanopoulos: if Assad stays in power is
that a defeat for the United States?

Amash: how is that a defeat for the U.S.? That's crazy

Stephanopoulos: but America 
must control the world

Dowd: people look at Iraq and they say
we can't trust the government”

Stephanopoulos: right-minded

Dowd: frankly this agreement is the best
possible thing that could happen

Gigot: but those towel heads in Iran
now think they can avoid a war

Stephanopoulos: good - we don't want
a war with Iran

Gigot: Israel does

Stephanopoulos: no they don't – 
no sane person does

Gigot: well I do

Dowd: Paul you are an idiot

Edwards: we need Assad to control
those chemical weapons

Stephanopoulos: fascinating

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