Sunday, September 01, 2013

Meet The Press – September 1, 2013

Sec. of State John Kerry
Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY)
Sen. Chris Murhpy (D-CT)
Chuck Todd
Katty Kay
Bill Kristol
Robert Gibbs
Gwen Ifill
Ann Curry

Gregory: wow we might go to war in Syria

Audience: woot

Gregory: Secretary Kerry why the
abrupt change from being about to bomb
Syria to asking Congress for approval

Kerry: Assad is a bad as Adolf Hitler 
and Saddam Hussein and Robin Thicke

Gregory: so why not bomb today?

Kerry: there's no rush Fluffy

Gregory: but he's another Hitler you say!

Kerry: the U.S. is still a democracy so
why not get Congress on the record

Gregory: but why the abrupt shift
and also has Obama undermined
America by going Congress?

Kerry: first of all your facts are wrong and
second there was no abrupt shift and
thirdly Obama has not undermined
America you utter dipshit

Gregory: but he's weak!

Kerry: Obama has made his decision
and now it's up to Congress

Gregory: Obama is going against
the will of British people

Kerry: are you stupid or something

Gregory: why the abrupt shift and
hasn't Obama made America weak?

Kerry: I heard you were a moron

Gregory: Obama has ruined America!

Kerry: Assad used sarin gas – 
did I just blow your mind?

Gregory: its an Aaron Sorkin script come to life

Kerry: Congress passed the Syria
Accountability Act - how can we deter Iran
from developing nukes if we don't bomb Syria?

Gregory: is it a slam dunk that 
Assad used sarin gas?

Kerry: I don't like that phrase Fluffy but
we know Assad prepared for an attack
and they admitted it after the attack and
worried they would be caught

Gregory: if Congress doesn't give its
authorization will you bomb anyway?

Kerry: Congress won't do that 
because Israel is in danger

Gregory: so Obama will bomb anyway?

Kerry: he could if wanted to

Gregory: if Assad is a murderer why
not just take him out?

Kerry: because this is about his use of
chemical weapons so we just need
to punish him for that

Gregory: ok

Kerry: but also we are still helping 
the rebels and trying to get him out

Gregory: I see

Kerry: let me be clear – something will
happen in the future of some kind

Gregory: are we going to invade Syria?

Kerry: no – but Assad is going to regret
the day he fucked with Barack Hussein Obama

Gregory: oh my

Kerry: our top priority is to use diplomacy
to separate his head from his body

Gregory: wow

[ break ]

Gregory: welcome Rand Paul –
would you support bombing Syria?

Paul: how can you ask a man to be
the first man to die for a mistake?

Gregory: by alleging the use of sarin gas

Paul: bombing Syria will only make
life in Syria and for refugees worse

Gregory: Kerry says if we don't bomb
it will hurt U.S. credibility

Paul: well I'm proud of Obama for
going to Congress – although he said
they might bomb anyway

Gregory: will the authorization pass?

Paul: I admit there was a chemical 
weapons attack but if we bomb 
the war may escalate and the 
rebels are anti-American

Gregory: they say we must draw a
line at the use of chemical weapons

Paul: the line should be American interests
did you know Assad protects Christians?

Gregory: but if Congress doesn't give
the President authority won't that
make America look bad?

Paul: we can't bomb just to save face

Gregory: McCain and Graham want to
take out Assad and you don't want to get involved

Paul: I agree with them – we should
either invade or not get involved at all

Gregory: okay

Paul: Assad would be gone already if
Obama worked with the Russians

Gregory: so you say

Paul: basically we just need to 
protect the Christians there

Gregory: thanks for coming

[ break ]

Gregory: wow at the 11th hour Obama
changed his mind!! an abrupt shift!

Todd: it was a shift!

Gregory: a shift! He's so shifty!

Todd: Obama wasn't going to go to
Congress and then he changed his mind!

Gregory: OH MY GOD

Todd: Obama realized he was isolated
when Britain jumped off that
broke the camel's back

Gregory: a change at the ELEVENTH HOUR!!

Murphy: this is a good move

Gregory: but 100,000 people were killed
we have to respond!!

Murphy: calm down Fluffy

Gregory: I can't - he's Hitler!

Murphy: we have to ask if chemical
weapons will fall into the hands of
al-qaeda or make the war worse

Gregory: will it pass?

Murphy: I am a skeptic but it will probably pass

Gregory: thanks for coming

[ break ]

Gregory: Bill Krisol do you support this switch?

Kristol: yes I think the GOP will stun
people and support Obama this time

Gregory: the whiplash!

Ifill: Obama had a sudden change of heart!

Gregory: wow!


Ifill: why is Obama dithering?

Gibbs: this is a deliberative President

Gregory: or is he weak?

Kay: Obama is indecisive and weak and muddled

Gregory: yeah!

Kay: he changed course and vacillated!

Gregory: righty-o

Kristol: I want Assad to go so I would invade

Ifill: the polls are not with the President

Gibbs: that's why going to Congress makes sense

Gregory: we spent a decade in Iraq
trying to create a democracy and it failed

Kay: the British vote was really 
against the lies of Dick Cheney

Gregory: interesting

Kay: it doesn't matter what the evidence is –
the British are not joining another American war

Gibbs: that's why we need the vote in Congress

Kay: but Congress might vote no

Kristol: yeah but Cameron lost 
people who hate Blair and people 
who hate him which is everyone

Gregory: did Obama dither?

Kristol: oh yeah Obama is a big ditherer

Gibbs: this isn't Iraq – this time the
chemical weapons are real

Kristol: Saddam did use chemical weapons!

Ifill: this is really about Iran

Kay: and Israel – which is popular in Congress

Gibbs: ya think

Gregory: inside baseball – was 
John Kerry hung out to dry?

Gibbs: maybe

Gregory: ha ha ha I love it

[ break ]

Gregory: Ann you just came back 
from a refugee camp

Curry: there are one million children refugees

Gregory: that's terrible

Curry: the children have seen
their friends killed in battle

Gregory: what is the refugee camp like?

Curry: it's so bad some are going to back Syria

Gregory: yikes

Curry: they'd rather dodge bombs than 
live in a desert where there's lack of water
and food and also sandstorms

Gregory: do the little refugee kids like America?

Curry: the adults want a buffer or a no-fly zone

Audience: what's this about a buffer?
How would that work? Has anyone
proposed a no-fly zone? Would that be effective?

Gregory: too bad we have no time to talk about

Curry: um yeah

Gregory: and that's another
episode of Meet The Press

1 comment:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Bush and Cheney got a pass from Obama for killing over 100,000 Iraqis, wounding many more, and torturing some of them.

We have no moral authority to decide who gets punished for war crimes. It's nothing more than we've got the biggest army, so we're the deciders.