Meet The Press – April 7, 2013

Guests:

Sen. Lindsay Graham

Michele Flournoy – Fmr. Under Sec. Of Defense

Bill Richardson

Andrea Mitchell

Maggie Haberman

Jim Cramer

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Gregory: OMG we might go to war with North Korea

Audience: oh shit

Gregory: Senator are we going about to have

a war with North Korea and will it be one of

the fun ones or one of the fuck-ups?

Graham: Obama is doing the right thing by

playing it cool but carrying a really big stick

Gregory: we have 28,000 troops in Korea

not including wacky prank-pulling doctors

Graham: let me tell ya Fluffy -

politicians in South Korea are tired

of being jerked around

Gregory: what happens if there is a war?

Graham: we will kick some commie ass!

Gregory: I like it

Graham: Kim Jong-Un has overplayed

his crazy hand on this one

Gregory: you're getting all worked up Lindsay

Graham: The Chinese are propping up this

crazy regime because they don't want

a unified Korea – darn right I'm miffed

Gregory: you used to suppoprt arming

the resistance in Syria – do you still feel that way?

Graham: before we arm the rebels I want

to them to promise never to use chemical

weapons or become terrorists in 10 years

Gregory: a sound plan indeed

Graham: we could lose the King of Jordan!

Gregory: like we already lost the King of Prussia

Graham: you have grasped my point keenly David

[ break ]

Gregory: panel what is going on in Korea?

Richardson: Kim is testing the new 

South Korean President like they do 

every time there is a new President

Gregory: who doesn't love standardized tests

Richardson: the World Bank should threaten

to withhold shipments of grain and NBA players

Flournoy: when you fly B-2s everything

looks like something you should bomb

Richardson: we have thousands McDonald's

and KFC's at risk there

Gregory: If they attack the Taco Bell in

Seoul I will demand war

Mitchell: next week John Kerry and I will

ask China to put pressure on North Korea

Gregory: oh my

Mitchell: 35 million people live a mile

away from this crazy person

Gregory: which is more dangerous –

Iran or North Korea?

Graham: South Korea is mad as hell

and they are not going to take it anymore

Flournoy: have you ever see B-2 in flight

– it's a beautiful sight

Mitchell: Kim never keeps his promises

– it's so irritating

Richardson: North Korea might export

nuclear materials to Iran – now that's 

some scary shit

Gregory: Linds were you pleased that

Obama offered chained CPI

Graham: yes – we are finally close 

to a grand bargain!

Gregory: those two words send a thrill up in me

Graham: the President is showing a little leg here

Gregory: I'm getting all tingly

Graham: if Obama offered chain CPI wemay agree

to cut taxes for the rich and raise them for the poor

Gregory: I'm squeeing!

Graham: I will surrender and accept a flatter tax code

Gregory: so you are offering higher taxes?

Graham: yes by cutting taxes – otherwise we 

will become Greece but with more ruined cities

Gregory: what about immigration?

Graham: Mitt Romney was a nice guy but a moron

Gregory: we all know that

Graham: if we let 11 million people stay

in the country Democrats have to give us a

guest worker program and a militarized border

Mitchell: what about Saint Marco Rubio?

Graham: who the hell cares about

that dry-mouthed dweeb

Mitchell: I care

Richardson: what does closing the border

have to do with hard-working people

who have lived here for years

Graham: we're being overrun by 

poor and corrupt illiterate brown 

people pedro - as god is my witness  

we will close this border

Gregory: can Hilary Clinton be beaten in 2016?

Graham: BENGHAZI!!

[ break ]

Gregory: OMG Hillary Clinton is going to

run for President isn't she?!

Mitchell: yes but she was recently upstaged

by that loveable weirdo Joe Biden

Gregory: that's hilarious

Mitchell: James Carville is hanging around –

she's getting the band back together!

Maggie Haberman: the big question is

has she learned enough not hire Mark Penn again?

Murphy: of course she's running for President

– but can she win?

Gregory: Carville says Democrats should fall

in line behind Hillary right now

Richardson: we both lost to Obama so

what the hell do I know

Gregory: that's a good point

Richardson: even Republicans like Hillary Clinton

Gregory: but Benghazi!!

Mitchell: is she a good manager or

will she screw it up again?

Murphy: being invincible only makes

everyone want to take a shot at you

Mitchell: women really want to see 

a female President

Haberman: women got some 

unfinished business here!

Gregory: will the nation want to relive the

Clinton years and Iraq and Benghazi

Murphy: Christie Todd Whitman never got

the female vote which proves Clinton will

lose the women's vote to Marco Rubio

Gregory: what about Joe Biden?

Richardson: he's always wanted to be

President and he can bench press 300 lbs

Gregory: amazing

Richardson: he's got the eye of the tiger

and would not defer to Clinton

Mitchell: they both can't run –

they have the same donors and BFFs

Gregory: Obama said Kamala Harris is good looking

Mitchell: he says the same thing about 

men all the time

Richardson: oh come on – would I be slammed

for pointing out that Scarlett Johansen is fucking hot?

Gregory: I'm amazed you weren't elected President

Richardson: so am I

Gregory: we only created 88,000 jobs last month

Cramer: it's Obama's fault for scaring

people about the sequester

Gregory: so no one hired because of that?

Cramer: right – CEOs said well Obama

said there would be unemployment so

I guess we should not hire anyone

Gregory: what else is going on?

Cramer: bankers want to lend money 

but they are afraid to

Gregory: is there any good news?

Cramer: people are pulling their money

out of Europe because they are embracing

austerity and its wrecking their economies

Gregory: that is good news

Cramer: if Obama wants to please Wall Street

he should reappoint Ben Bernanke

who is an amazing and handsome man

Murphy: this country needs to take on the

left and finally cut spending

Mitchell: but we just established that spending

cuts is causing unemployment

Gregory: let's not forget the President

would like to create jobs

Haberman: yes I've heard he does like jobs

Richardson: forget about jobs –

we need to cut Medicare

Cramer: fossil fuels will ruin America

but the Keystone pipeline will create

60,000 jobs in 30 days so let's do it

Gregory: I'm sold

Cramer: sorry but oil and gas drive 

the entire economy

Mitchell: Obama can blame John Kerry

for approving the pipeline

Murphy: Obama is a failure and he must

slash Medicare and and basically just do

anything that hippies don't like

Gregory: so Obama's economic strategy

should be to piss off liberals?

Richardson: no because even liberals realize

we have to cut spending and slash Social Security

and the debt is our biggest problem

Gregory: what about gun control?

Haberman: Obama didn't seize the 

initiative after Newtown

Murphy: right - they blew it because

Obama got greedy because he's so cocky

Haberman: greedy and cocky

Gregory: so cocky

Cramer: so much cock

Mitchell: um...

Gregory: and that's another episode

of Meet The Press

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