Sunday, April 14, 2013

Meet The Press – April 14, 2013

Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL)
Sen. Mike Lee (R-UT)
Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand(D-NY)
Katty Kay
David Brooks
Rachel Robinson
Ken Burns
Harrison Ford

Gregory: welcome Senator Rubio

Rubio: Hi David

Gregory: sorry I sound like Peter Brady

Rubio: I just thought you were choked up
with emotion at meeting the next President

Gregory: so what's the deal with immigration reform?

Rubio: we let undocumented people stay
but it makes so darn hard it doesn't
encourage more illegal immigration

Gregory: nice

Rubio: the status quo only helps human traffickers

Gregory: Ted Cruz is worried about the hurt
feelings of foreigners who are waiting in line

Rubio: don't worry – this bill is 
very punitive and cruel!

Gregory: that's a relief

Rubio: wait till you see this bill –
it's really mean!

Gregory: you flip-flopped on amnesty

Rubio: this bill doesn't grant amnesty – 
it just lets people who came illegally stay here

Gregory: that's not amnesty?

Rubio: no because you have to pay a fee

Gregory: but you you used to demand 
people leave the country and now 
you've changed your mind

Rubio: well we lost the 2012 elections Fluffy!

Gregory: speaking of that – will this bill
be enough to win back Latinos?

Rubio: I hope so – otherwise we're screwed

Gregory: Colin Powell says the GOP 
has a dark vein of intolerance

Rubio: that's not true – but let's say it is –
I'm doing my best by taking the lead
on immigration reform Fluffy!

Gregory: fair enough

Rubio: we are the party of the poor and
downtrodden - we are not the party of the
rich and and successful and well off

Gregory: [ spit take]

Rubio: sorry about that fluffy

Gregory: the GOP is unpopular with Hispanics

Rubio: that's not fair – we're 
unpopular with everyone

Gregory: good point

Rubio: big businesses and poor latinos
all agree – we need immigration reform

Gregory: will this bill be amended to death?

Rubio: that's a lazy question Fluffers

Gregory: I have a severe cold

Rubio: drink fluids – believe me

Gregory: the Newtown families took over Capitol Hill

Rubio: I know – they're everywhere!

Gregory: then how can you oppose  
a debate on guns?

Rubio: I love these families but criminals
don't care about laws and the Second 
Amendment is sacred

Gregory: how does closing background
check loopholes infringe on anyone's rights?

Rubio: criminals won't undergo background checks

Gregory: okay

Rubio: forget the guns – we need to ask 
why Americans are so violent

Gregory: righty-o

Rubio: we have a society with a lot of gun violence
and we need to find out why humans are violent

Gregory: what about North Korea?

Rubio: I oppose North Korea

Gregory: nice

Rubio: we should tell them no more aid
until they agree to keep Dennis Rodman

Gregory: Jay-Z and Beyonce went to Cuba
which you say proves Obama is a communist

Rubio: Jay-Z is a hypocrite because 
Che Guevara was a racist

Gregory: Betsy am I hallucinating this conversation?

Rubio: the fundamental problem is that
Americans should not be free to leave 
the USA without my permission because 
we love freedom

Gregory: what about immigration reform?

Rubio: didn't we talk about this already?

Gregory: my fever is spiking

Rubio: okay fluffy - look the 11 million
people are here already and we tried arguing
for self-deportation and it didn't go over so well

Gregory: that's true

Rubio: so my message to Republicans is
wake up and get with the program before we
become a third party ranting about rappers
touring the Caribbean like a bunch of idiots

Gregory: thanks for coming Marco

Gregory: what about immigration reform?

Lee: I am in favor of immigration reform
as soon the entire U.S. border is sealed

Gregory: is citizenship a deal-breaker for you?

Lee: sadly yes – I don't want to share America

Gregory: how can you get conservatives
to support reform?

Gillibrand: tell them more immigrants will
allow them to lower the taxes on the rich

Lee: whoa really?

Gregory: despite Newtown there is
going to almost no gun control

Gillibrand: not true – we may get background
checks and mental health funding

Gregory: can the Senate vote for 
background checks?

Lee: no because people really need guns
in case they need to kill someone

Gregory: I hear you

Gillibrand: in New York 85% of guns used
in crimes are bought out of state –
we need to crack down on straw purchasers

Lee: see that sounds like fascism to me

Greg: Kristen you used to love guns 
– what happened?

Gillibrand: I still love guns – 
but not criminals with guns

Greg: the NRA disagrees Kirstie

Gillibrand: who the hell cares – 
children are being slaughtered!

Brooks: Marco Rubio is a hero

Gregory: that is so true

Brooks: he is courageous and also a very sexy man

Todd: how do you secure the border 100%?

Lee: put up a big fence and modernize 
the visa system

Todd: I see

Lee: so let's do that first –
then we can deport 11 million people

Kay: if the GOP wants to keep losing elections
they should oppose immigration reform

Gillibrand: sweet jesus Obama has already
deported millions of people

Lee: we must not play politics with laws

Gregory: my fever must be getting worse
because it sounded like you said we must
not play politics with laws

Lee: let's build a 50 foot cement wall around America
at least that will prevent Jay-Z from 
leaving the country

Gregory: Betsy the auditory 
hallucinatings are getting worse

Betsy: hang in there David

Gregory: Republicans have demanded cuts
to Social Security and then Obama proposed
cuts to Social Security and Republicans
attacked him for going after old people

Brooks: ha ha yes that was pretty shameful

Gregory: oh good I didn't imagine that

Gillibrand: I don't agree with the Social 
Security cuts – it's not a driver of the debt!

Todd: the GOP desperately wanted Obama
to put Chained CPI out there but then when
they attacked him for doing it they gave a free
Walk Away From the Talks Card

Gregory: Jackie Robinson was awesome

Robinson: yes he was

Gregory: what is the relevance of Jackie Robinson?

Robinson: because so much has changed
and we still have more to do

Burns: Jackie Robinson was the most important
event in civil rights since the Civil War

Gregory: wow

Burns: it's a biblical story of human forbearance

Gregory: so amazing

Burns: how can you play great baseball
when there are threats against your life?

Gregory: Martin Luther King admired your husband

Robinson: he was a pioneer against racism

Gregory: was he an impatient activist
or patient endurer of racial slights

Robinson: he was passionate about rights
but knew he had to be dignified to pave the way

Gregory: why did Branch Rickey integrate his team?

Ford: he was religious and also all the
best players were in the Negro leagues

Gregory: why did he choose Jackie Robinson –
after all he had a fiery temper

Burns: Jackie was smart and driven

Gregory: did you like the movie?

Robinson: I love it – it's authentic and inspiring

Gregory: you guys loved each other in a tough time

Robinson: we were committed to each
other no matter what the haters said

Gregory: Ken you are making your own
movie about Jackie Robinson

Burns: yes but my movie will have hotter women

Gregory: oh good

Burns: he was always agitating for more progress

Gregory: impressive

Burns: we still have more to do – 
look at the Central Park Five
- coming soon to a tv near you

Gregory: shameless plug!

Burns: Tuesday on PBS

Gregory: and that's another 
episode of Meet The Press



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