Sunday, March 03, 2013

This Week with George Stephanopoulos - March 3, 2013

Gene Sperling – White House economic advisor
Sen. Kelly Ayotte (R-NH)
Dennis Rodman
Shane Smith

Stephanopoulos: OMG the Sequester Has Landed!

Sperling: the President and Congress
signed these cuts into law that were
considered so awfully terrible no one
could ever possibly consider them

Stephanopoulos: that's crazy

Sperling: if Republicans hate immigrats
they should oppose these cuts because
we have to fire border patrol agents and
let lots of Mexicans into America

Stephanopoulos: Republicans say
Obama can make sequester less painful

Sperling: what if someone threatens
to cut off three fingers but you get
to choose which ones - how is that good?

Stephanopoulos: if they were someone 
else's fingers

Sperling: Republicans said they
wanted to close tax loopholes and
now they won't do it

Stephanopoulos: Mayor Bloomberg 
says Obama is just posturing

Sperling: so is he

Stephanopoulos: janitors won't actually
get less pay – isn't Obama hyping the threat?

Sperling: no it will cost 750,000 jobs
and wreck the economy

Stephanopoulos: did you really threaten
to break Bob Woodward's kneecaps?

Sperling: yes but only as a friend
and he thanked me later

Stephanopoulos: he seemed very scared

Sperling: I've know Bob for 20 years
and he's always been a weasel

Stephanopoulos: but you said he
would regret saying something stupid
which is threatening

Sperling: we both care about policy and
he also cares about playing a big
victim on Fox News

Stephanopoulos: Welcome Kelly Ayotte –
what about the sequester – is it hype or real?

Ayotte: it's real – our troops are threatened
the rest is fake

Stephanopoulos: wow

Ayotte: the sequester was all Obama's idea!

Stephanopoulos: but it was in response
to GOP debt ceiling demands

Ayotte: Ronald Reagan would never
accept these cuts in doubled defense spending

Stephanopoulos: true

Ayotte: we could protect our high defense spending

Stephanopoulos: how?

Ayotte: let's freeze pay for all federal
employees and cut food stamps

Stephanopoulos: Linsday Graham is
willing to raise taxes in exchange
for cutting Social Security – how about that?

Ayotte: I would be willing to cut Social 
Security in exchange for lowering taxes

Stephanopoulos: so you would be willing
cut Medicare in exchange for more revenue

Ayotte: yes in exchange for lower taxes
and also lower spending and cuts in
Medicare and Medicaid

Stephanopoulos: sounds like the
makings of deal – up next Dennis Rodman!

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: OMG Dennis Rodman
stroked the dolphin with the vicious
dictator of North Korea

Rodman: it was great experience George

Stephanopoulos: you said you loved him -
but he threatens America

Rodman: he's a good friend and 
lovely human being

Stephanopoulos: did you prop up his horrible regime?

Rodman: people in that country respect
Kim Jong-Un and love him

Stephanopoulos: aren't the people there
forced to love him or be tortued and killed?

Rodman: not that I saw - they just 
spontaneously burst into songs 
about him when he walks by

Stephanopoulos: what does he want from America?

Rodman: he just wants Obama to call him

Stephanopoulos: why doesn't he call Obama?

Rodman: he tried but Obama unfriended
him on Facebook and blocked him Twitter

Stephanopoulos: what purpose did your trip serve?

Rodman: Kim loves basketball! 
Obama loves basketball! There's your 
peace agreement right there!

Stephanopoulos: does he wants to nuke
an American city?

Rodman: no he wants just wants peace
love and absolute utter worship

Stephanopoulos: he said he wants to
destory America

Rodman: oh that's just his Dad talking

Stephanopoulos: so you think he's not
so bad for a vicious dictator

Rodman: no no - he's really a great guy!

Stephanopoulos: he put 200,000 
people in prison camps

Rodman: oh yeah maybe - but we have 
that in America too

Stephanopoulos: we do not have
massive prison camps here Dennis

Rodman: he doesn't really want to
kill his own people – he loves them –
he's just under a lot of pressure!

Stephanopoulos: he's a reluctant murderer?

Rodman: exactly - he's my bro and
bros gotta stick together

Stephanopoulos: he's an evil man

Rodman: you don't abandon a friend
just because of a little genocide –
after all Bill Clinton had sex with an intern

Stephanopoulos: that's hardly a good comparison

Rodman: it's the Guy Code dude

Stephanopoulos: will you go back?

Rodman: absolutely – I love my new psychotic friend

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: could this help
prop up Kim Jong Un

Smith: not really because people
there know he's insane

Stephanopoulos: could the trip help with diplomacy?

Smith: it might – look we need
to talk to him even if he is a dictator

Stephanopoulos: thanks for the insight

No comments: