Sunday, February 12, 2012

This Week With George Stephanopoulos - February 12, 2012

Jack Lew (White House Chief of Staff)
Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI)
Rick Santorum
Stephanopoulos: Hi Jack

Lew: Hi

Stephanopoulos: you are not good
enough for Catholic bishops

Lew: um yeah

Stephanopoulos: they say the
government cannot make them
cooperate with a policy they don’t like

Lew: well that’s stupid

Stephanopoulos: contraception is
incredibly expensive

Lew: babies aren’t free either Stephy

Stephanopoulos: no but they are cute

Lew: also women deserve proper health care

Stephanopoulos: won’t paying for the pill
bankrupt insurance companies?

Lew: yeah sure it will George

Stephanopoulos: let’s talk about the
debt which is very high

Lew: the debt is high because of the
George W. Bush Recession®

Stephanopoulos: also the high price
of condoms

Lew: the economy is turning around and
some people think that’s a good thing

Stephanopoulos: not in Washington

Lew: I know that

Stephanopoulos: Paul Ryan says we
should cut taxes and also you guys
are ruining America’s military

Lew: the rich just need to pay their

fair share

Stephanopoulos: will you make
John Boehner cry by not calling him
on the phone?

Lew: they can either raise taxes on the
poor or not - their choice

Stephanopoulos: why not call him
on the phone?

Lew: hey Obama is busy - that guy needs
to stop sniveling and do his job

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: Hi Paul

Ryan: if you cut taxes on the poor you
are taking money away from old people

Stephanopoulos: this tax must be paid for
- unlike other tax cuts

Ryan: exactly - it’s so so sad

Stephanopoulos: do you really want to
turn Medicare into a voucher program?

Ryan: under Obamacare 15 bureaucrats
will decide whether you live or die

Stephanopoulos: oh dear

Ryan: under my plan everyone under
age 55 will get screwed in a way they
will greatly enjoy

Stephanopoulos: that’s something to
look forward to

Ryan: we are trying to save Medicare
by destroying it

Stephanopoulos: you hate the pill

Ryan: Obama’s plan is a fig leaf and
Catholics hate those

Stephanopoulos: that’s true

Ryan: Catholic insurers will have to pay
to allow women to have guilt-free sex
which is totally immoral

Stephanopoulos: Congress is less
popular than Nixon when he
committing felonies

Ryan: yes I don’t understand it when
we’ve voted to privatize Medicare
while the Senate isn’t doing anything

Stephanopoulos: it’s a total mystery

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: holy crap Rick
Santorum is the new front runner

Santorum: hidilley-ho neighbor

Stephanopoulos: can you win in Michigan?

Santorum: no but it’s a two-person race now

Stephanopoulos: Mitt says you are a
loser and a liberal

Santorum: he enacted RomneyCare and
supported Cap n’ Trade which is fascist
and therefore liberal

Stephanopoulos: he was to the left
of Ted Kennedy

Santorum: yes and only I lost my Senate
race because I was too conservative

Stephanopoulos: yes but you supported
Amtrak which is essentially Communist

Santorum: I like the minimum wage
but when you index it you might as
well put Joseph Stalin in office

Stephanopoulos: you supported
Sonia Sotomayor

Santorum: true she’s a racist
Latina but she’s also nice person

Stephanopoulos: you say women
shouldn’t be in combat because
men are too emotional

Santorum: my wife is a nurse and a
lawyer and she feels that society looks
down their nose at her for quitting
her careers to raise all of our
non-contraceptive children

Stephanopoulos: so you wrote a whole
book just to whine about that people
weren’t respecting the choices
your wife made?

Santorum: right - society needs to affirm
decisions women make except when
they have sex

Stephanopoulos: can you beat Obama?

Santorum: yes because I’m not an
opportunistic rich idiot like Romney
or a total psychopath like Newt Gingrich

Stephanopoulos: good luck with that Rick

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