Sunday, February 05, 2012

Meet The Press - February 5, 2012

Newt Gingrich
Mayor Mike Bloomberg (NYC)
Gov. Deval Patrick (D-MA)
Gov. Mitch Daniels (R-IN)
Representative Xavier Becerra (D-CA)
Gregory: good morning Newt Gingrich

Gingrich: I have lost 4 out of 5 states and
am very happy where we are

Gregory: you are losing every state and
in every category

Gingrich: I am hoping to do well in Georgia
where I am from

Gregory: I see

Gingrich: the safety net should be a
trampoline made from real tramps!

Gregory: you spend all your time
complaining that Romney is mean

Gingrich: well he is!

Gregory: I see

Gregory: Obama has caused 13% unemployment

Gregory: ah

Gingrich: Obama is timid and should declare
war on Iran

Gregory: can you think of anything you don’t
like about Romney

Gingrich: he’s pro-abortion, pro-taxes,
anti-jobs, and his health care plan kills people

Gregory: wow

Gingrich: I would save Social Security by
getting rid of it

Gregory: oh

Gingrich: I would boldly go where no man
has gone before

Gregory: fantastic

Gingrich: the minimum wage kills black people

Gregory: ok

Gingrich: I will eliminate all taxes on everyone

Gregory: unemployment is dropping

Gingrich: that doesn’t include people who are
so depressed that a black guy is in the
White House they just stopped looking for work

Gregory: what if unemployment keeps dropping?

Gingrich: then we will blame Obama for the debt
and high gas prices

Gregory: I see

Gingrich: also Obama is to blame for all the
changes in the world over the past half century
except the good ones

Gregory: interesting

Gingrich: Obama has declared war on the
Catholic church

Gregory: He's launched drone attacks
on the Vatican?

Gingrich: Obama has seized all church properties
across the land

Gregory: he did?

Gingrich: Obama’s attacks on Orthodox Jews
is a profound moment in American history

Gregory: oh my

Gingrich: true religious liberty means
controlling the government

Gregory: would there be religious freedom
on the moon?

Gingrich: yes for Christians

Gregory: but we are in an age of Austerity

Gregory: fuck you Fluffy

Gingrich: look I only said we need to go to the
moon to pander to some idiots in Florida

Gregory: but you yammer on about big spending

Gingrich: why do you hate America?

Gregory: I don’t hate most Americans

Gingrich: the Chinese are taking over
outer space

Gregory: do you loathe Mitt Romney as
much as it seems?

Gingrich: I refuse to answer such a silly
question about that lying motherfucker

Gregory: you like the Giants but New York
is the capital of media elite!

Gingrich: please allow me to pander to
the voters of Wisconsin

[ break ]

Gregory: unemployment is dramatically dropping

Daniels: Obama has failed to reverse the
job losses from the last Republican Presidency
so we should put another Republican
in the White House

Bloomberg: the economy is getting better
but the deficit is high

Gregory: oh noes!

Bloomberg: we must cut spending
and raise taxes

Gregory: so you’re saying raising taxes on
rich people is a bad idea

Bloomberg: look we’re all in this together and
since everyone benefits let’s not bicker about
who is fabulously rich and who is
struggling to survive

Patrick: we have to invest in America -
and by the way Massachusetts is kicking
job killing Indiana’s ass

Daniels: Barack Obama caused the recession
in 2007 and costs jobs ever since

Gregory: we’ve been adding jobs for
24 straight months

Daniels: lalalalalala I can’t hear you

Bloomberg: regardless of what happened in
the past we must not investigate what
caused the recession

Gregory: ok

Bloomberg: on the other hand all Republicans
do is criticize which is no way to win
a football game

Gregory: Mitch your candidates suck

Daniels: that is true

Gregory: you may be stuck with Mitt Romney

Daniels: oh god [ sobs ]

Gregory: you must be happy Deval

Patrick: these GOP candidates frighten me

Gregory: Mayor you say you oppose
criminals using guns

Bloomberg: hey remember when a
Congresswoman got shot?

Gregory: oh yeah that was so inspiring

Bloomberg: no it was terrible

Gregory: I suppose you could see it that way

Bloomberg: more Americans have been shot
than were killed in World War II

Gregory: should we have a victory parade for
Iraq and Afghanistan war veterans

Bloomberg: the wars aren’t over Greggers

Gregory: maybe not but parades are fun

Gregory: the Super Bowl predicts the election!

Daniels: Fluffy you are a true idiot

[ break ]

Gregory: Romney is killing!

Brooks: the anti-catholic media is ignoring
Obama’s attack on all religious people

Maddow: people generally like birth control

Castellanos: Obama has taken away all
freedom of religion

Becerra: the Catholic church shouldn’t be
running insurance companies without
complying with the law

Brooks: Bureaucratic Greed!

Maddow: this isn’t about religion it’s about
insurance you dumbasses

Gregory: Mitt Romney says he doesn’t care
about the poor and Obama caused job losses

Castellanos: Obama is killing old people

Brooks: the real issue is the high debt

Becerra: yes by all means let’s put the assholes
back in charge!

Castellanos: the GOP cares about your paycheck

Becerra: so pass the payroll tax cut!

Brooks: the America people are yearning for
a simpler tax code

Maddow: policy matters

Brooks: in his entire Presidency Obama has
only proposed digital textbooks

Becerra: that’s stupid

Gregory: what about Newt Gingrich

Castellanos: he carried philandering
megalomaniacs so he’s got that going for him

Gregory: and that’s another episode
of Meet The Press

1 comment:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

I'd rather see Obama launch drone strikes at the Vatican than on innocent children.