Guests:
Gov. Rick Perry (R-TX)
Stephen Colbert
Paul Krugman
George Will
Cokie Roberts
Peggy Noonan
******************************
Stephanopoulos: Good morning
Governor Perry
Perry: Good morning Jorge
Stephanopoulos: George
Perry: righty-o
Stephanopoulos: you are getting killed
in this race
Perry: like the heroes at the Alamo!
Stephanopoulos: you’re not even on the
ballot in Virginia
Perry: hey Joe they called Ronald Reagan
stupid too
Stephanopoulos: why should people
vote for you?
Perry: I’m Commander-in-Chief of the
Texas Army
Stephanopoulos: you called Mitt Romney
a Vulture Capitalist
Perry: the buzzards are circling Jim
Stephanopoulos: GOP activists are saying you’re
dumb and sound like Occupy Wall Street
Perry: that’s crazy - I don’t even own a drum
Stephanopoulos: did Mitt Romney create
100,000 jobs?
Perry: I don’t know but if he can’t handle me
he sure as heck can’t beat Obama
Stephanopoulos: but Obama will take his
inspiration from you
Perry: I doubt that Jake
Stephanopoulos: what will you do when you
lose in South Carolina?
Perry: I don’t plan ahead Jeff
[ break ]
Stephanopoulos: Stephen Colbert you are
running for President?
Colbert: I’m exploring it
Stephanopoulos: South Carolina officials say
you have as much chance of winning as you
have of being elected Pope
Colbert: why shouldn’t I be Pope?
Stephanopoulos: they don’t allow write-votes
in South Carolina
Colbert: they also said NASA could never put
cheese in pizza crust
Stephanopoulos: you ran in 2004 as a Democrat
and now you are a Republican - isn’t that a flip-flop?
Colbert: I figured the GOP will take anybody
Stephanopoulos: you have a Super PAC ad out
calling Mitt Romney a serial killer
Colbert: I’ve never seen that ad but it
seems pretty cool
Stephanopoulos: you call him a murderer
Colbert: no Jon Stewart did and he’s right
Stephanopoulos: who will your Vice President be?
Colbert: me
Stephanopoulos: would run a third-party campaign
Colbert: maybe even 4th or 5th
Stephanopoulos: are you running or not?
Colbert: I’m a one-man Lewis & Clark -
I’m exploring
Stephanopoulos: you like Super PACs
Colbert: money is speech George
Stephanopoulos: so you believe corporations
are people?
Colbert: George don’t you believe corporations
are people?
Stephanopoulos: I won’t answer that
Colbert: you sir are a racist!
Stephanopoulos: Roger Ailes says you are crazy
Colbert: Roger is a good friend and we
spa together
Stephanopoulos: are you in this just to air
Super PAC ads
Colbert: that’s Jon Stewart’s Super PAC
Stephanopoulos: not yours?
Colbert: I gave away my baby and that was hard
because my baby had a lot of money
Stephanopoulos: are Super PACs a good thing?
Colbert: there’s $11 million of free speech in
South Carolina!
[ break ]
Stephanopoulos: Can Romney win in
South Carolina?
Will: yes he will because no one likes him there
Noonan: [ removes glasses with a flourish ]
Karl: 400,000 androids will vote for Romney
in Florida
Noonan: Evangelicals and Tea Partiers can’t decide
between the crazy guy, the weirdo, the moron
and the lunatic
Roberts: Gingrich is a jerk, Rick is a Papist and
Rick Perry is… Rick Perry
Krugman: the GOP only has one agenda - to cut
taxes on rich people
Roberts: Perry calling Romney a vulture helps
the Republican party
Will: the America people love job destruction
Krugman: Bain isn’t a scandal you get out of
the way - it goes to the heart of Romney’s life story
Noonan: By November no one will care that
Romney is evil
Karl: Romney was a wonderful businessman but
a sneaky closet liberal
Noonan: no one cares about that either
Roberts: people think of Romney as slimy
Krugman: America is not a business - after all
the Pentagon doesn’t make a profit
Will: Capitalism is like surgery - it’s necessary but
ugly and no one wants to look at it
************************************
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