Sunday, January 15, 2012

Meet The Press - January 15, 2012

Newt Gingrich
Sen. Harry Reid (D-NV)
Sen. Lindsay Graham (R-SC)
Rep. Tim Scott (R-SC)
Gregory: Welcome to the show Newt

Gingrich: thanks Greggers

Gregory: are you going to drop out
and endorse Santorum

Gingrich: Rick is a Papist!

Gregory: you all are going to split
the conservative vote

Gingrich: Unlike Santorum I am a master debater

Gregory: but he’s a real conservative
and you’re a con man

Gingrich: Little Ricky has no idea what’s
about to hit him

Gregory: oh my

Gingrich: this week will be the most important
six days in the history of the United States

Gregory: wow

Gregory: New Hampshire conservatives
rejected you

Gingrich: yes but Mitt Romney used to
live on Golden Pond

Gregory: maybe but you need to do better
down south

Gingrich: you have no idea how rabid
Carolina conservatives are

Gregory: perhaps not

Gingrich: Romney is a job-killing socialist!

Gregory: your poll numbers go up and down

Gingrich: that rich Mormon is out to get me!

Gregory: that’s so sad

Gingrich: if he wants to throw down believe
me I’m ready pal

Gregory: you are running a movie to
destroy Mitt Romney

Gingrich: I’ve never heard of that Super PAC
run on my behalf

Gregory: the film is full of lies - for example
Mitt Romney never killed a hobo did he?

Gingrich: if that never happened then the PAC
should edit the movie to take that part out

Gregory: but the lies are out there

Gregory: Indeed Romney needs to answer
serious questions about this missing hobo

Gregory: should Romney release his tax returns?

Gingrich: he’d better do it now because Obama
will hammer his ass if he doesn’t

Gregory: do you think Romney is hiding something?

Gingrich: this hobo business won’t go away Fluffy

Gregory: you said Mitt was more ruthless than
Wall Street - but what’s bad about that?

Gingrich: nothing - I just want to know if he’s
honest about how scummy he really is

Gregory: isn’t he a great businessman?

Gingrich: sure but do we really want a hobo-killer
in the White House?

Gregory: Conservatives are very upset that you
sound like Michael Moore

Gingrich: I’m not at all like Michael Moore -
he makes products which are very profitable

Gregory: so what’s your point?

Gingrich: that Mitt Romney is a big lying jerk

Gregory: what will you do when you lose
in South Carolina?

Gingrich: I will return to grifting full-time

Gregory: you made fun of Mitt Romney for
speaking French - why is that bad?

Gingrich: he’s a Mormon foreigner

Gregory: you lived in France!

Gingrich: [ evil laugh ]

[ break ]

Gregory: Congress is incredibly unpopular

Reid: the GOP obstructs everything!

Gregory: I see

Reid: then they tried to raise taxes on poor people

Gregory: you said the Tea Party would lose its
power and yet they are so wonderful

Reid: oh stuff it Fluffy

Gregory: Congress is a bunch of losers

Reid: not true we’re going to shut down the Internet

Gregory: I love twitter! #fluffytweets

Reid: don’t worry Fluffy your fans will still be
able follow your deep thoughts

Gregory: Didn’t you hate George Bush like
the GOP hates Obama?

Reid: yeah that’s why we gave him everything he wanted

Gregory: people don’t trust either party

Reid: neither do I

Gregory: the GOP are getting lots of things done!

Reid: no they are not

Gregory: they are in my imagination

Reid: so I’ve noticed

Gregory: If the GOP won’t work with the President
then it must be Obama’s fault

Reid: you’re funny

Gregory: what can Obama say to Republicans
to make them act rationally

Reid: nothing

Gregory: oh there must be something

Reid: raise taxes on the richest 1% so we can
help poor people

Gregory: you are dug in on your policies - how
will that help Republicans come to their senses!?!

Reid: it won’t

Gregory: that makes you a failure

Reid: you are so ridiculous

Gregory: Obama appointed the head of
the financial reform commission and
Mitt Romney says that bad

Reid: the GOP doesn’t even want reform law to exist!

Gregory: Obama is sneaky and tricky

Reid: I worked with Bush! Ask anyone! I’m a
big wet noodle!

Gregory: Suze Orman says the middle class
has disappeared

Reid: she’s right

Gregory: tell me about Mitt Romney

Reid: I will comment in six months when he is
the nominee and his views have changed

Gregory: what is your agenda?

Reid: jobs, health care and old people

Gregory: what about Bob Kerry

Reid: I like him - he once killed a guy

Gregory: thanks for coming Harry

[ break ]

Gregory: Lindsay what happened to Newt Gingrich

Graham: after the debates the Newt will rise again

Scott: the Christians are splintered - its just
like the 1st century AD

Gregory: what do people in Carolina care about?

Scott: they like Jesus but they really need a job

Graham: I love God too but we need to beat Obama

Gregory: what about Mitt?

Graham: thank the Lord for venture capitalism

Scott: Romney may be a ruthless bastard but can’t
say that out loud because we need to beat Obama

Gregory: who are you voting for?

Scott: I’m using the process of elimination

Gregory: can anyone else win besides Mitt?

Scott: yes - I mean no

Gregory: the tea party seems to have lost its influence

Graham: they were always regular conservatives
just more annoying than most

Gregory: can you defeat Obama?

Graham: if we rally around Mitt Romney

Gregory: so you support Mitt?

Graham: yes after next week

Gregory: if Romney a tea partier?

Scott: No but he can be reprogrammed

Gregory: and that’s another episode
of Meet The Press

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