Sunday, October 10, 2010

This Week with Christiane Amanpour - October 10, 2010

Richard Blumenthal (D-CT Attorney General)
Linda McMahon (CEO WWE)
Christine LeGarde (French Finance Minister)
Pervez Musharraf (Former President of Pakistan)

Amanpour: Hi Bob Woodruff is reporting from a remote and strange place where journalists are never allowed access

Audience: the Christine O’Donnell headquarters?

Amanpour: Bob what did you see in North Korea?

Woodruff: we saw things we never saw before - we have a failed leader passing power
on to his idiot son

Amanpour: what do you know about the son
of the President

Woodruff: he speaks a little English and
enjoys sports

Amanpour: so he’s as qualified as Dubya

Amanpour: Connecticut has lost 100,000 jobs and has a shortage of gin & tonics so of course they have turned to a professional wrestling executive

Amanpour: you created 600 jobs based on oiled-up men wrestling each other on television -- so what federal spending would you cut?

McMahon: I would cut everything unpopular

Amanpour: would you cut defense Social Security
or Medicare and Medicaid?

McMahon: no

Amanpour: Linda your business was a degrading demeaning sexist violent steroid-ridden farce

McMahon: it used to be offensive but now it’s beefy men beating each other up geared toward children

Amanpour: your husband told to a woman to get down
on all fours and bark like a dog

McMahon: so what - people love dogs!

Amanpour: Dick how can you be losing this race?

Blumenthal: because don’t vote on the issues they vote for the person

Amanpour: you misled people about serving
in Vietnam

Blumenthal: true but I really did see ‘Platoon’ and ‘Apocalypse Now’

Amanpour: why should people vote for you?

Blumenthal: because professional wrestling is idiotic

Amanpour: and you Linda?

McMahon: because getting paid millions to
arrange for outrageously dressed muscular men in spandex to give each other consussions is the American dream

Amanpour: Talk austerity to me Christine

LaGarde: ve need to haf ze confidence

Amanpour: but economists say we need more stimulus

LaGarde: we did that in 2009 and unemployment is 9.3% which is tres bien

Amanpour: it seems like the poor are paying for the sins of the bankers

LaGarde: ve are taxing ze banks

Amanpour: can we prevent another worldwide financial meltdown?

LaGarde: ve don’t know because ze criminals
are tres agile

Amanpour: are markets run by crazy people?

LaGarde: ve must put zem in le straitjackets

Amanpour: will you raise the retirement age?

LaGarde: ess only 2 years

Amanpour: do women approach finance differently?

LaGarde: oui because eet is not all about le libido and making ze deal to have the sex

Amanpour: that sounds right

Amanpour: The U.S. apologized to Pakistan this week for bombing their country - whoops!!

Reporter: this leads to lack of support for the Pakistan government and hatred for the
United States

Audience: sounds great

Amanpour: the U.S. is accusing Pakistan of
not going after terrorists

Musharraf: oh no we are

Amanpour: then why is the U.S. bombing Pakistan?

Musharraf: hey we got our hands full - you don’t know what it’s like living in nation full of insane religious fanatics and people in politics with patently crazy anti-government ideas

Amanpour: I wouldn’t be to sure about that

Musharraf: we need to play “Let’s Make a Deal”
with the Taliban

Amanpour: not “Jeopardy”?

Amanpour: why are there so many terrorists in Pakistan?

Musharraf: hey get off our backs! Just leave
us alone!

Amanpour: Pakistanis don’t like the U.S.

Musharraf: well sure because the U.S. is bombing their country

Amanpour: are you going to run for President in 2013?

Musharraf: hey they could do worse than me -
and they have

Amanpour: but you’re in London

Musharraf: Yes I find for office in Pakistan from England cuts down on the assassination attempts

Amanpour: thanks for coming Pervez

1 comment:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Musharraf: hey we got our hands full - you don’t what it’s like living in nation full of insane religious fanatics and people in politics with patently crazy anti-government ideas

Amanpour: I wouldn’t be to sure about that