Sunday, October 04, 2009

This Week With George Stephanopoulos - October 4, 2009

This Week With George Stephanopoulos
October 4, 2009
Alan Greenspan
Sen. Schumer (D-NY)
Sen. Cornyn (R-Texas)
Stephanopoulos: wow we’ve lost 7 million jobs - now let’s talk to the man who made it all happen

Greenspan: my deep learning tells me that this
is awful

Stephanopoulos: wow

Greenspan: the reason that is bad is that the economy suffers

Stephanopoulos: people too

Greenspan: what makes people great are a great economy with many capital assets

Stephanopoulos: what’s the solution?

Greenspan: there’s a silver lining - businesses thought the economy would be so bad that they
fired all their employees prematurely

Stephanopoulos: Premature capitulation

Greenspan: indeed

Stephanopoulos: what should Obama do?

Greenspan: fix the economy

Stephanopoulos: what else?

Greenspan: cut taxes

Stephanopoulos: what about another stimulus?

Greenspan: no because it’s already working and
it has failed

Stephanopoulos: do you have a newsletter?

Greenspan: this is what a recovery looks like

Stephanopoulos: increasing unemployment?

Greenspan: right

Stephanopoulos: should we help suffering unemployed people?

Greenspan: yes but only to prevent people from storming Wall Street with pitchforks and torches

Stephanopoulos: okay

Stephanopoulos: should we reform health care?

Greenspan: no because we’re borrowing too much money

Stephanopoulos: oh well that’s too bad

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: talk economy to me Chuckles

Schumer: we’re going to extend unemployment benefits

Cornyn: damm right lots and lots of people in Texas are unemployed!

Stephanopoulos: do we need another stimulus?

Cornyn: unemployed Americans are really really scared that Washington is just going to throw money at the problem

Schumer: you could reform health care

Cornyn: we should send every American a COBRA

Schumer: good idea but it’s a very expensive program

Cornyn: no an actual cobra - snake handling is
an accepted practice in Texas

Stephanopoulos: Senator Crapo had a crappy idea

Schumer: shocking

Cornyn: the whole point should be to lower costs - and keep Wellness Accounts like at Whole Foods

Stephanopoulos: What the hell are you talking about?

Schumer: Do Republicans understand employers can take away your coverage now?

Cornyn: no!

Schumer: yes!

Stephanopoulos: All Hail President Snowe!

Cornyn: the government will take over Medicare, increase prices, kill the elderly, and promote cannibalism

Schumer: Orrin Hatch wants to exempt people with magic underwear - how is that a plan?

Cornyn: Jim Bunning found out that the bill misplaced $11 billion by exempting Bill Gates

Schumer: Oh yes the noted reasoned intellectual Jim Bunning

Stephanopoulos: so Chucky can you pass a bill
or not?

Schumer: we’re going to pass a public option and we need it dammit

Cornyn: how many times do we have to say it - a public option would be too popular and so many people would enroll in it that they would lose their private insurance and be stuck with the public plan which they would hate

Stephanopoulos: thanks for coming idiots

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