Meet The Press – September 21, 2014

Guests:

Samantha Power – U.S. Amb. to U.N.

Adm. Mike Mullen (Frm. Chair JCS)

Sen. Chris Murphy (D-CT)
Sen. Ron Johnson (R-WI)
Kevin Tibbles

Thomas Frank

Grover Norquist

John Stanton

Neera Tanden

Amy Walter

Ramesh Ponnuru

Todd: oh wow we're going to war again!

Audience: woo

Todd: but Gen. Dempsey said he 
would recommend U.S. ground 
troops if things changed!

Brian Williams: OMFG!!!

Lindsay Graham: we're all gonna die!!!

John Kerry: we're not going invade!

Gates: but we might have to!!

[ break ]

Todd: welcome Samantha –

how many countries have agreed

to invade Syria?

Power: the Saudis have offered 

to put troops up in many of their 

palatial barracks – seriously 

they're literally palaces

Todd: why won't you just admit we

need to invade Syria because it's

what we all want

Power: not so Chucky

Todd: are we training the moderates

to fight ISIS – because a year ago

we wanted them to fight Assad

Power: well that was a year ago Todd

Todd: good point

Todd: do the moderates in Syria

want to fight Assad or ISIS?

Power: both – but they really hate ISIS!

Todd: okay

Power: this problem is easily solved –

we will be giving them guns labeled

“TO BE USED TO FIGHT ISIS ONLY”

Todd: that should do it

Power: darn right

Todd: what do you

want from the UN?

Power: it's a great privilege for me

to be pushed aside when Obama

chairs a meeting of the UN

Security Council by himself

Todd: I'm sure

Todd: we left a vacuum in Libya

and created chaos – how do we

prevent the same thing in Syria?

Power: oh it's totally different –

we will be investing in these totally

trustworthy Syrian moderates

Todd: which is more dysfunctional

– the UN or the US Congress?

Power: the Sunday talk shows

Todd: snap

[ break ]

Todd: Chris you voted against

the President's plan

Murphy: I support fighting ISIS

but only in Iraq

Todd: we spent billions of dollars

and years training Iraqi troops and it failed

Johnson: the Surge worked and

Iraq was fine which is why we

had to leave U.S. troops in Iraq

to prevent the country from falling apart

Todd: yes the Surge was finest moment

in history since Reagan saved that

Caribbean medical school being

overrun by zombies

Johnson: I just want to the 

President to do more!

Todd: so you would support a

full-scale U.S. invasion of Syria?

Johnson: look I'm no military expert
– I'm a simple country lawyer –
I just know that ISIS is coming to

kill people in Wisconsin and we're all terrified 

Murphy: cripes – we've got to have 

a plan to getting the Sunnis and 

Shia to get along

Johnson: you get right on that Chris

Todd: why does America care more

about peace in the middle east than

people in the middle east do?

Johnson: you cannot negotiate

with ISIS – they rape and 

decapitate and crucify!

Todd: you had me at crucifixion

Murphy: oh my god

Todd: Chris clearly diplomacy 

won't work – we need war 

to save the middle east from war

Murphy: well then where the 

fuck is Saudi Arabia?

Todd: Senators should the NFL

lose their tax-exempt status?

Johnson: who the hell cares –

we're mortgaging our children's future!

Todd: look at what we found

in the Meet the Press archives!

Sen. Charles Goodell: 

only Congress can declare war!

[ break ]

Todd: Admiral don't we need

ground troops in Syria?! Say it!

Mullen: well maybe

Todd: aha!

Mullen: calm down Todd

Todd: but we can't build a coalition

if we don't promise to use our whole

military including nuclear weapons

Mullen: look General Dempsey gave

the only answer he could give when

he said if it were necessary he might

recommend some ground troops

Todd: but the disagreement with Obama!

Mullen: the media is blowing this

whole thing way out of proportion

Todd: in our defense the Beltway pundits

aren't demanding 100,000 troops just

like ten or fifteen thousand

Mullen: oh okay then

Todd: why did the Iraqi army flee from ISIS?

Mullen: Maliki put in a bunch of

weak generals and they fled so

naturally the troops did too

Todd: sweet jesus

Mullen: but I'm cautiously optimistic

if we bomb ISIS enough the Iraqi army will fight

Todd: who will join our coalition?

Mullen: the Saudis have a 

big powerful air force

Todd: but will they use it?

Mullen: they damn well should

Todd: does public opinion influence

the military advice you give the President

Mullen: of course not – are you an idiot?

Todd: but what if your best

military plan is opposed by 

the people – don't you have to 

factor that in to a military plan?

Mullen: I have no idea what the

fuck you are talking about Todd

[ break ]

Todd: Neera what are you

hearing from progressives?

Tanden: they're worried we're 

going to have another fucking 

disastrous middle east war

Todd: Iraq fatigue is the new Vietnam fatigue

Stanton: Congress doesn't want to

have anything to do with this clusterfuck

Todd: I have decided that the

military strategy won't work

Walter: Obama's economic success

is getting lost because everyone in

America is terrified they will be

killed by terrorists

Todd: Congress are running re-election

ads warning about terrorists –

it's 2004 all over again!

Ponnuru: Republicans are backing the

President and Democrats are backing

their leader but if the war goes south

they will turn on him viciously –

you can count on it

[ break ]

Todd: Republicans are always

in favor of tax cuts – or are they...??

Todd: we sent Kevin Tibbles out into

the wild in search of the most elusive

creature on earth after the giant squid

– the Republican in his natural habitat

against tax cuts

Tibbles: Chuck I am here in Kansas

where I found Republican mad 

at a Republican Governor for 

cutting taxes too much

Todd: wow

Tibbles: social services have slashed

and the schools suck and the deficit

is through the roof

Tibbles: Colorado also slashed

taxes and it was also a disaster

Republican voter: I'm a Republican but

these tax cuts have gone too far –

I'm voting for the Democrat this year

Republican voter: it's driving us into bankruptcy!

Republican voter: I still support

tax cuts – you have to give the

free market time to work!

Todd: Grover are you worried that

tax cuts are becoming unpopular?

Norquist: tax cuts work and they are popular!

Todd: taxes cuts don't cause

economic growth and raising taxes

doesn't hurt growth

Frank: in the golden age of the

1950's taxes were very high

Todd: like 90%!

Frank: but Gov. Brownback really cut

taxes a lot and it's hurt public schools

Todd: no one saw that coming

Frank: people in Kansas are

very proud of their public schools –

they even teach evolution as something

that might have happened

Norquist: liberals are very angry at

Kansas because it's been so successful

Todd: I see

Norquist: also Democrats

are sex-crazed perverts

Todd: but the tax cuts didn't work

Norquist: maybe – but many small

business in Kansas are paying no taxes

at all – you can't argue with that

Todd: but they didn't work

Norquist: nevertheless they are great

Stanton: Grover do you ever

feel guilty for ruining America?

Norquist: no because Reagan was

a saint and communism is bad

Todd: a Democrat was in a strip club

when he was 26 so all the 

public schools must close

Frank: back in the 1990s when he was single!

Todd: sorry there was nakedness involved

Frank: this country is sliding into

oligarchy and we're talking about strip clubs!

[ break ]

Todd: OMG the election is really

Starbucks Nation vs. Chick-fil-a Country

Audience: oh god

Todd: 4 out of 5 voters in election 2014

live on farms, love guns, hates gays,

despise coffee and eat at chick-fil-a

Todd: in Colorado the Democrats

are all in Boulder or are pot-smoking hippies

while the Republican voters live in the

woods and subsist on squirrels and roadkill

Todd: likewise Democrats in Iowa all

have PhDs and eat caviar and live in

rich fancy towns like Des Moines while

the Republicans are ignorant hicks who

sign their names with an X and spend

all day castrating pigs

Audience: hmmm tough choices

Todd: the elections are only six weeks

away and Democrats are running

away from Obama and his terrible

available health care and 6% unemployment

Panel: ha ha

Todd: a parade of Democrats up for election

are saying they will take on Obama and

are firing guns randomly for some reason

Audience: who doesn't love

a politician with a gun

Todd: when Republicans ran away

from the President they lost –

is this a bad strategy?

Ponnuru: it never works

Tanden: in polls voters always saying

they want Washing to get things done

and compromise and then

they elect extremists

Todd: Mark Pryor is running away

from Obama but he needs black voters

Ponnuru: Obama won Colordao

and they hate Obama now –

although to be fair they are

probably high on the pot

Tanden: I predict Democrats will win Colorado!

Todd: voters can detect phony bullshit

Tanden: Republicans are unpopular

too – people are anti-Washington

not anti-Obama

Todd: why does the media keep

pretending Joe Biden is running?

Tanden: because he might

Todd: no he won't

Stanton: Biden is media crack

Todd: are we all phonies?

Tanden: undoubtedly

Ponnuru: it's either talk about Biden

and his gaffes or only talk about

Hillary for two years

Todd: Joe Biden is like Dubya –

no one is offended by his constant gaffes

Audience: it's good to be an old white man

Todd: hey audience next time

we're gonna have a brand new set!

Audience: yay

Todd: and that's another

episode of Meet the Press