Guests:
Jon
Karl
Bob
Woodruff
Martha
Raddatz
Samantha
Power – U.S. Amb. to U.N.
Bob
Gates
Mike
Tiricio
Ryan
Smith
Christine Brennan
Stephanopoulos:
omg we're at war
again
which is awesome but don't
we
need to invade Syria?
Karl:
even the French are
bombing
ISIS
Stephanopoulos:
holy crap
Karl:
Obama has pitched war
against
ISIS five times in the last
month
but he doesn't want to
invade
Syria which is so sad
Stephanopoulos:
but we need to invade
Syria
or it won't be a fun war to cover
Karl:
Obama's generals disagree with
him
and we know this because Dempsey
said
he might recommend ground troops
if
necessary because of course he did
Stephanopoulos:
so are these
moderate
Syrian rebels anyway
Obama:
they are dentists and blacksmiths
Audience:
I hope those are separate jobs
Moderate
Syrian Rebel: this makes
me
proud – was not Paul Revere of
your
American revolution a blacksmith?
Woodruff:
will weapons we give you
end
up in the hands of terrorists?
Moderate
Syrian Rebel: oh no we
will
be very careful to make
sure this will
not happen
Woodruff:
are you asking for US troops?
Moderate
Syrian Rebel: no we are not
asking
for anyone else to fight our war for us
Woodruff:
well maybe just a little
Vice
Reporter: we went to Syria and
found ordinary
Syrians determined
to save their country
[ break ]
Stephanopoulos:
welcome Ambassador Power
Power:
good morning George
Stephanopoulos:
will the U.S. get
UN Security Council
authorization
to start a war with Syria?
Power:
maybe
Stephanopoulos:
but Russia might veto
Power:
or they might not
Stephanopoulos:
you don't sound optimistic
Power:
it doesn't matter – we have a
legal
basis to bomb anyway
Stephanopoulos:
even without
Security
Council authorization?
Power:
don't look so shocked George –
we
bomb who we want to bomb when
and
where we want to bomb them
Stephanopoulos:
has any country
agreed
to join us in a war with Syria?
Power:
well France is bombing now
Stephanopoulos:
but only in Iraq
– they're
not bombing Syria
Power:
well we're not bombing Syria either
Stephanopoulos:
and I can't tell you
how disappointed
I am by that
Power:
sorry George
Stephanopoulos:
even Britain won't
commit
to bombing Syria – it's so unfair
Power:
trust me Stephy – we won't
be
bombing Syria alone
Stephanopoulos:
what about Iran?
Power:
did you know you can't trust Assad?
Stephanopoulos:
I've heard that
Power:
we need to Iran to get that message
Stephanopoulos:
some say we need troops
on
the ground if we are going to defeat ISIS
Power:
there are troops on the ground
– Syrian
troops and Iraqi troops
Stephanopoulos:
oh what a relief
– how
long will this take anyway?
Power:
oh just two to twenty years
Stephanopoulos:
yikes
[
break ]
Stephanopoulos:
General Dempsey
said he
would recommend ground
troops if necessary!
Raddatz:
it's a rift between Obama
and
his generals! OMG!
Stephanopoulos:
ha ha! I love it!
Raddatz:
to be fair Obama is really
saying
he won't send a massive
American
invading army
Stephanopoulos:
what's the use of having
a
massive Army if we're not going to use it
to
invade another country every few years?
Raddatz:
good point George
[
break ]
Stephanopoulos:
welcome General Gates
Gates:
nice to see you George
Stephanopoulos:
is Obama's plan
doomed
or is he lying?
Gates:
oh don't be ridiculous George
Stephanopoulos:
I can't help it
Gates:
Martha was right – the President
is
just trying to avoid a big useless
counter-productive
invasion
Stephanopoulos:
so would you approve
the President's
plan if you were
still defense secretary?
Gates:
yes I would
Stephanopoulos:
well you are no fun at all
Gates:
I eat people like you for breakfast Stephers
Stephanopoulos:
if we invade are we
just
giving ISIS what they want which
is the
U.S. bogged do in another
middle east war?
Gates:
we need to step back from this
cauldron
of violence and and saucepan
of
dysfunction and chafing dish of hate
Stephanopoulos:
so you don't think
we
should destroy ISIS?
Gates:
well I do think we should
drive
them out of Iraq and into
Syria
so they can never attack America
Stephanopoulos:
is that the way it works?
Gates:
look we've been at war with
al-Qaeda
for over a decade and
we
haven't destroyed them yet
Stephanopoulos:
practice makes perfect
Reporter:
OMG Ray Rice punched his
girlfriend
and knocked her unconscious and
Roger
Goodell got really mad and
suspended
him for two games
Expert:
this is a lesson on
how not to handle a crisis
Reporter:
we just now we learned that
the
Ravens and probably everyone knew
all
about the second video where Ray Rice
punches
her so hard she flies against
the
back wall of the elevator
Stephanopoulos:
shocking news indeed
Reporter:
two days ago Roger Goodell
held
a terrible press conference where
said
from now on the NFL will pretend
to
care about domestic violence
Stephanopoulos: problem solved then
Stephanopoulos:
Mike will fans stop
watching
the NFL and if they don't
why
should the NFL ever change?
Tirico:
well George you can't expect
fans
can't stop watching now –
they
all have fantasy football teams
which
are terribly important even
though
they don't actually exist
Stephanopoulos:
Christine how bad
was
that press conference?
Brennan:
awful – Goodell could have
projected
empathy or humanity or
at
least a non-robot corporate persona
Stephanopoulos:
he did apologize
Brennan:
he a lot to apologize for
Stephanopoulos:
snap
Stephanopoulos:
does Goodell lose his job?
Smith:
that depends on if Robert
Mueller
finds out he lied
Stephanopoulos:
is it time for the
team
owners to step up and not be
assholes
or is that asking too much
from
out-of-touch megalomaniac billionaires?
Tirico:
they have to find a balance
between
finding talented football players
who
are not also violently abusive criminals
Stephanopoulos:
what about the
other leagues?
Brennan:
we haven't heard from
other
major sports and they probably
have
terrible abusers also
Stephanopoulos:
quite likely
Smith:
everyone wants swift and decisive
action
but the athletes do have contracts
and
collective bargaining
Brennan:
I'm not defending the NFL
but
at least they funding an abuse hotline
– where
is major league baseball?
Stephanopoulos:
I believe they a building
shrine
of gold made from melted down
Canadian
Word Series trophies over the
place
where Derek Jeter ascended in heaven
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