Sunday, January 26, 2014

This Week with George Stephanopoulos – January 26, 2014

Host: Jonathan Karl
Martha Raddatz
Rep. Peter King (R-NY)
Jay Carney (White House Press Secretary)
Cokie Roberts
Rick Santorum
Greta Van Susteren
Van Jones

Karl: OMG Sochi might not be safe!

Raddatz: there are Black Widow
suicide bombers at the Olympics

Karl: holy crap!

Raddatz: there's no defense against
a woman determined to blow herself up

Karl: shit

Raddatz: Americans can't wear
anything that says 'American' like
cheeseheads or pajamas or ugly sweaters

Karl: drat

Raddatz: also the USA has sent
warships over there for some reason

Karl: did the US share our
jamming technology?

Raddatz: no our jamming
secrets are too secret

Karl: Congressman can you assure
our athletes they will be safe?

King: no it's so dangerous there
it's like hosting an Olympics in Detroit

Karl: but Americans have to hide that
they are Americans! Has it come to that?!

King: yes – it turns out the USA is
not popular in countries not America

Karl: sweet jesus

King: also athletes or their families
should not wander around or
leave their rooms or make
eye contract with anyone

Karl: so it's like New York

King: exactly Jon

King: also the Russians
will not cooperate with us on
our offer to enhance their security

Karl: but Martha said the USA
won't share our precious jams

King: well we can't share our
jamming tech with Russia –
they hate us you know

Karl: Russia and the terrorists
who hate Russia both hate us?

King: that's right

Karl: yikes

Karl: what about the SuperBowl?

King: this will be the first
Bridge & Tunnel SuperBowl!

Karl: time for some traffic problems lol

King: it makes terrorism more likely
because people can hide bombs
under their clothes in the subway

Karl: that's scary

King: but this is going to be a
very safe SuperBowl which is
great for New York

Karl: but the game is in New Jersey

King: shhh!

[ break ]

Karl: the State of the Union is
Obama's Make or Break Moment!

Carney: 2014 will be a year of action

Karl: Obama made a lot of promises
in last year's address that didn't happen

Carney: no those were 
proposals not promises

Karl: same thing

Carney: no they are not

Karl: people don't like Obamacare

Carney: we expanded access to
health care for millions of Americans!

Karl: but you might lose the Senate

Carney: what is the GOP proposal for
providing health care for millions
of Americans?

Karl: repeal Obamacare?

Karl: Republicans says Obama
is to blame for poverty in 2009

Carney: the Bush recession
was in full bloom in 2009

Karl: you're still blaming Bush
for your problems!

Carney: you brought up 2009

Karl: Would Jay Carney as a reporter
be satisfied with White House openness now?

Carney: reporters always want more

Karl: aha!

[ break ]

Karl: what can Obama get done in 2014?

Roberts: it's possible to get
immigration reform

Santorum: that's doubtful –
Obama is very vindictive

Karl: come on – I hate Obama too
but he genuinely tried to get
immigration reform done

Jones: he's going to propose reforms
but will run against obstructionism
if nothing happens

Van Susteren: it can't work because
government is incapable of anything

Roberts: the people are fed up!
Throw the bums out! 
Both sides are too blame!

Karl: you are so wise Cokie

Jones: Obama saved the American
economy and Republicans 
keep obstructing him

Karl: this is just like 1994! and 2010!
Republican are awesome! I love it!!

Santorum: Obama caused the recession!!

Roberts: Republicans are right 
about government!!

Santorum: This is Obama's economy!
Also Obama can't get anything done!!

Jones: which is it?

Santorum: both!

[ break ]

Karl: OMG look at this move –
I love Mitt Romney so much!!

Raddatz: the real Mitt is so wonderful!!

Karl: so great!

Raddatz: he's a religious hard-working
family man who's also rich

Filmmaker: I'm like a nature photographer

Raddatz: are you sure you're objective?

Filmmaker: Romney is just
too good for the rest of us

Raddatz: poor Mitt couldn't play
the game but now he's a movie star!!

[ break ]

Karl: Bob McDonnell traded
access for a Rolex and a Ferrari

Van Susteren: oh sure it looks bad but
if they offered a good plea deal it
proves McDonnell is probably innocent

Santorum: I'm sorry but this 
behavior is not okay

Roberts: yes this the worst thing
in Washington – it's just tawdry


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