Sunday, May 22, 2011

Meet The Press - May 22, 2011

Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI)
Chris Van Hollen (D-MD)
Andrea Mitchell
Eugene Robinson
Andrew Ross Sorkin
Mike Murphy

Gregory: Mitch Daniels was going to ride
in on a white horse to the White House but he said the women in my life won’t let me President

Audience: we lost Mr. Excitement -
truly the world has ended

Gregory: Mitch Daniels discovered fiscal
discipline after he left the Bush White House

Ryan: it’s a tragedy

Gregory: Paul will you run for President

Ryan: no I need to stay in Congress and
fight for fiscal sanity

Gregory: so you are leaving the door ajar!

Ryan: no I will privatize Medicare or die trying!

Gregory: on this show Gingrich called Paul Ryan’s
plan radical right-wing social engineering

Gingrich: I made a mistake - although to be fair
to me I said it on Meet the Press and assumed
no one would be watching

Gregory: good point

Gingrich: any ad that quotes me directly
is a falsehood

Gregory: Congressman Newt called you a
radical crazy person

Ryan: that is true but only for those few Americans
who are under 55 years old

Gregory: I see

Ryan: under my plan people would get to choose
to deny their money to lazy doctors

Gregory: I see

Ryan: Obama would let 15 bureaucrats
kill old people

Gregory: Is Newt a demagogue?

Ryan: yes - but he’s always been a horrible person

Gregory: so now he’s just trying to seem moderate

Ryan: right

Gregory: a lot of Republicans are afraid to be
seen in the same zip code as you

Ryan: I hate demagogues - did you know if
we don’t privatize Medicare now current seniors
will die slow horrible deaths

Greg: I did not

Ryan: where is the democrats plan to
destroy Medicare?!?

Gregory: has Gingrich handed the 2012
election to Obama?

Ryan: we have to rise above petty politics
and remind everyone that if we don’t slash
Medicare then current retirees will starve to death

Gregory: Newt Gingrich basically ruined any
chance of your plan being enacted -
doesn’t that bother you?

Ryan: who cares what the American people think -
we will create our own reality if we have to

Gregory: good luck with that

Ryan: people will reward me for not scaring seniors -
I just remind that Obama wants all old
people to suffer

Gregory: Is it true that all GOP Presidential
candidates must promise to privatize Medicare?

Ryan: absolutely

Gregory: if your ideas are so necessary how
come everyone is running away from your plan?

Ryan: like who?

Gregory: Michelle Bachmann thinks you’re
crazy and she’s um, crazy

Ryan: look this is very simple - old people will get a
coupon to shop around for health coverage when they’re dying

Gregory: that seems eminently sensible

Ryan: we don’t want to give the government the power to deny health coverage to old people -
we want to give that power to for-profit insurance companies

Gregory: are you willing to negotiate?

Ryan: sure but the Democrats have not put out their own nutty wildly unpopular plan

Gregory: will you vote to raise the
debt ceiling?

Ryan: the GOP realized that spending is
bad since a Democrat became a President

Gregory: so will you make a deal

Ryan: yes as long as Obama cuts spending so much
a Republican can be elected and borrow and spend all over again

Gregory: good luck Paul

[ break ]

Gregory: Chris are we finally going to end Medicare?

Van Hollen: Newt was right -
it is right-wing radical social engineering

Gregory: but Paul Ryan is so wonderful

Van Hollen: they would leave seniors to the
mercy of for-profit companies and soraring costs

Gregory: but Paul Ryan is right -
you Democrats don’t have your own horrible plan

Van Hollen: they won’t even cut oil subsidies

Gregory: the Republicans are right of course -
we must end Medicare so are the Democrats going to do it or not?

Van Hollen: Fluffy you are a moron

Gregory: OMG Mitch Daniels isn’t running for President!

Murphy: if Chris Christie doesn’t get in it’s
down to Romney, Pawlenty and Hunstman

Gregory: Could Paul Ryan could be elected President in 2012?

Mitchell: I want access to the drugs
you are on Fluffers

Robinson: it’s all Mitt Romney now

Gregory: this is so sad - who will carry the
message of fiscal discipline and cutting my taxes?

Sorkin: the criminals on Wall Street love Paul Ryan

Murphy: Paul Ryan is the grown-up
bravest man in Washington

Van Hollen: it doesn’t take courage to slash
Medicaid and give free money oil companies

Murphy: you can only prove you’re serious
if you propose something incredibly unpopular

Gregory: Democrats plan to run against
Paul Ryan in 2011 and 2012

Mitchell: both sides are bad and lack courage
except for Paul Ryan - the sexiest man in D.C.

Sorkin: Ryan is so wonderful -
I for one would like to touch the hem of his garment

Robinson: there is one small problem with all
your applause to Paul Ryan’s so-called leadership and courage - actual human beings don’t want
Medicare to be a voucher program

Murphy: the Democrats have shown no courage
on spending or taxes

Van Hollen: that’s not true dipshit - Democrats have
proposed spending cuts and raising taxes
on the rich

Gregory: ooh how about caps on spending?!

Van Hollen: No

Gregory: that’s not what Republicans want

Van Hollen: I don’t care Fluffy -
all they want to do is slash Medicare and Medicaid

Gregory: Is Newt Gingrich finished?

Murphy: he’s an intellectual but basically a jerk

Robinson: Newt Gingrich looked at the polls
and saw that Paul Ryan’s plan is really really really really really unpopular

Gregory: Newt is now going up to random people
and apologizing profusely

Mitchell: it seems like a problem

Van Hollen: can I note that people don’t want to privatize Medicare

Sorkin: it’s the economy stupid

Murphy: if the GOP can stop talking about entitlements and focus on jobs they can win

Robinson: good luck with that

Gregory: Look here is a video of Jon Hunstman buying a gun

Mitchell: he’s adorable but unelectable

Gregory: are you scared of him?

Van Hollen: um no

Gregory: who are you scared of

Van Hollen: zombies and Mitt Romney

Robinson: that’s redundant

Murphy: Michele Bachmann will win Iowa
which is full of crazy people

Gregory: good god

Murphy: that will help Hunstman win New Hampshire

Gregory: Romeny raised a lot of money this week

Mitchell: Whether Vain has run before and that helps

Robinson: look in the end the GOP is going to have a candidate and that person will get 45% of the vote

Gregory: Herman Cain delivered pizza
but can he deliver votes?!

Murphy: that’s funny but ultimately it’s
Mitt Romney’s to lose

Gregory: my twitter feed is trying to draft
Paul Ryan for President

Robinson: that’s genius fluff

Gregory: Obama said a starting point for talks
should be the 1967 Israel borders!

Mitchell: Bibi treated Obama like a schoolboy
in the White House which was a big mistake

Van Hollen: Obama loves Israel!!

Murphy: Obama lost 75,000 votes by suggesting
Florida return to its pre-1805 borders

Gregory: and that’s another episode of
Meet The Press