Sunday, April 26, 2009

Meet The Press - April 26, 2009

April 26, 2009
White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs
King Abdullah II of Jordan
Doris Goodwin
Jon Meachem
Gregory: talk swine flu to me gibby

Gibbs: Barack follows it avidly

Gregory: when do we start rounding up americans?

Gibbs: probably next week

Gregory: I don't get Obama - why doesn't he just pronounce guilt or innocence at his podium and dispense with all this justice crap?

Gibbs: hey dancin dave the President doesn't get to decide that

Gregory: whoa whoa whoa - Barack opened the door to prosecuting former Bush officials who are very nice people

Gibbs: dude the door is always open when
you're a crook

Gregory: but shouldn't the door sometimes be closed?

Gibbs: hey Obama thinks prosecutions
shouldn't be politicized

Gregory: so Obama has politicized this by not politicizing it

Gibbs: um what

Gregory: crazy leftist liberal bloggers believe in accountability which is just insane

Gregory: should we just blame Democrats for not stopping Republicans for doing stupid evil things

Gibbs: pretty much sums it up

Gregory: George Tenet says we only tortured bad swarthy guys

Gibbs: has he looked in a mirror?

Gregory: does terrorism work?

Gibbs: Dave you must have misplaced the slide where experts says torture doesn't work and hurts America

Gregory: but Dick Cheney says-

Gibbs: stop right there

[ smacks Gregory ]

ok go on

Gregory: Cheney says there super secret memos that say torture works!

Gibbs: oh ok let's play that - we'll be releasing more memos and believe me dave dick won't like it

Gregrory: no no you misunderstood i only want you to release dick's memos

Gregory: so would Obama have tortured terrorists or thrown them a party

Gibbs: i heard you were an idiot

Gregory: first 100 days?

Gibbs: that’s in the past - we're focused on the next 100 days fucker!

Gregory: wow you really are disciplined

Gibbs: rick santelli yelled about Obama and you offered to read to him

Gibbs: yeah I’m having fun

[ break ]

Gregory: give me your impression of Obama

Abdullah: sorry i don't do impressions - i'm a king

Gregory: right

Abdullah: Obama is awesome of course

Gregory: you hated Stupid didn’t you

Abdullah: not just him - his whole Team of Assholes

Gregory: Bush was great President

Abdullah: no he was a destructive moron

Gregory: talk mideast to me

Abdullah: the core problem is the israeli-palestinian conflict

Gregory: not swarthy terrorists?

Abdullah: not really

Gregory: this idea that al qaeda will go away if
you make peace in the mideast - isn't that just a silly fantasy??

Abdullah: are you talking down to me fluffyhead?

Gregory: are you all happy to have a muslim US President?

Abdullah: yeah it's great

Gregory: what is the image of the US out there in crazyland?

Abdullah: the USA very popular

Gregory: really??

Abdullah: actually yes

Gregory: did american lose its moral bearings

Abdullah: yes in 1620

Gregory: was American torture torture?

Abdullah: um yes

Gregory: does torture work?

Abdullah: if this interview is any indication - then yes

Gregory: have you ever tortured anyone

Abdullah: not as many you have Greggers

Gregory: reports are that Jordan tortured under the CIA's "Wink and Nod Program"

Abdullah: if I answered that i'd have to kill you

Audience: do it do it

Gregory: should America cover up all our crimes?

Abdullah: yes that would make sense after invading Iraq because it tortured people

Gregory: what is Iran's goal?

Abdullah: they want to be the Policemen of the Gulf

Gregory: wow then what

Abdullah: Syria is the Indian Chief, Jordan is the Construction worker, Israel is the Cowboy, Iraq is the Soldier, Lebanon is the Biker and we have Middle East Village People

Gregory: [ hums “macho man”; starts dancing ]

Abdullah: stop that

Gregory: sorry I got carried away

Gregory: Bibi says a messianic cult shouldn't have nukes

Abdullah: i thought Bush left office

Gregory: should we attack Iran?

Abdullah: yeah that wouldn't be stupid at all

Gregory: Vincent Price was on this show in 1969 expressing his fears for middle east peace

Abdullah: and he was right!

Gregory: we need a robust paradigm shift going forward

Abdullah: only an American President can get palestinians and israelis to hate each other in a productive way

Gregory: what about India and Pakistan

Abdullah: oh Obama needs to solve that too

Gregory: you gave the President a set of gold daggers

Abdullah: i'm giving you some with my eyes right now

Gregory: do you have anything else for me?

Abdullah: look dave a solid gold toilet seat

[ heaves it from behind desk ]

Gregory: aw you shouldn't have

Abdullah: i saw it and thought of you

[ break ]

Gregory: what have learned about Obama

Goodwin: that he loves being the motherfuckin' president!

Gregory: he really is leading - it's weird

Meachem: he's running a countercultural Presidency - the Age of Obama is Time of Patience in Danger

Gregory: fascinating

Gregory: but isn't he trying to do much?

Goodwin: no you must seize the carp

Gregory: suddenly people are hopeful it's amazing

Meachem: the american people are mature and sophisticated

Gregory: are you talking about the US??

Goodwin: Obama has changed the mood of the entire nation

Gregory: no real leadership is to stand up to the left wing and tell them the rule of law doesn't matter

Meachem: what we need to do is tell the liberal bloggers to sit down and shut up and find two doddering old conservative white men to fix everything

Gregory: right

Goodwin: Obama doesn't want us talking about torture he want to talk about something important like the nfl draft

Meachem: i disagree - i think that mature thing to do is to look back and make excuses for Bush and compare him to Lincoln and FDR

Goodwin: if i nail Obama i'll have slept with every President since Eisenhower

Gregory: well good luck with that doris


Lee said...

this is great. Atrios mentioned this site recently so I'm checking it out... WAY better than actually watching the show.

spooked said...

I haven't laughed so hard in a while-- thanks!

Jay Ackroyd (@jayackroyd) said...

CoT en fuego