Sunday, February 01, 2009

Meet The Press - February 1, 2009

Meet The Press
February 1, 2009
Sen. John Kerry
Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchinson

Gregory: OMG the stimulus bill passed without GOP votes - its so sad!!

Kerry: we'll improve that bill with a massive ketchup tax break

Gregory: what else

Kerry: food stamps for people in tough straits like John Thain

Gregory: jobs?

Kerry: we will build a new electric griddle

Greogory: let me confront a Republican with the Concord Coalition

Hutchinson: thank you

Hutchinson: we can't afford this big spending what with all the debt we have!

Kerry: where did that from?

Hutchinson: Little goblins took over the government in 2001

Gregory: what spending would you like?

Hutchinson: Military spending - that's permanent unlike shitty bridges which once they're built - no more jobs!

Gregory: Dems are being greedy aren't they -- aren't they ramming through bad ideas like Bush did after 9/11?

Kerry: that's a very good point Gregory even though it is stupid i agree that it's inevitable that Dems ideas are good ideas

Gregory: huh?

Kerry: 50% of schools are 50 years old but I would remind you this is not ramming bills though it's called fucking Democracy and we just had a fucking election

Gregory: all well and good Senator Kerry but the issue here is that all bills but be approved by Republicans

Hutchinson: That is exactly right David - Exactly

Gregory: [ beams, wags tail ]

Hutchinson: who's a good boy??

Greogry: yip yip

Hutchinson: Tax cuts saved America in 2001

Gregory: no one knows the truth -- would you concede?

Hutchinson: oh yes

Kerry: like hell I would - Bush failed in every fucking way

Gregory: but but but-

Kerry: fuck off

Hutchinson: but tax cuts made people go back into the stock market in 2001!!

Kerry: oh yay

Hutchinson: we did have productive spending in the last few years - the war on terror, the war in Iraq

Kerry: Kay the economy sucks

Hutchinson: well that's the fault of the fancy people on Wall Street

Kerry: [ snort ]

Gregory: shovel-ready jobs?

Kerry: yes as long as we fix housing and the banks

Gregory: would you spend more to do it?

Hutchinson: sure but eliminate anything that helps people

Gregory: let me quote Rush Limbaugh issuing a challenge on who is a statesman and who is a reckless hack

Hutchinson: the bloated drug addict is right - there is nice spending that must be removed and tax cuts put in

Gregory: did you not hear the people on election day?

Hutchinson: i agree we need a new electric grill - but if Obama believes Republicans should get what they want he needs to give us what we want

Kerry: oh my god I haven't heard this much whining since my kids were toddlers

Kay: but but-

Gregory: isn't the stimulus bill a total failure if the GOP votes against it?

Kerry: moron

Gregory: bail out banks?

Hutchinson: yes but we should do it Obama's way and not the Stupid way

Gregory: fair enough

Hutchinson: sadly good people were caught in the net of bad loans

Gregory: buy toxic assets?

Kerry: no we should make the shareholders eat the loss

Gregory: oh so sad

Gregory: but whether you like this or not we can all agree we have to bail out the banks

Gregory: what about Sen. Jugg Gredd?

Hutchinson: No Democrats - Juggs would never do that!!

Gregory: what about Tom Daschle?

Kerry: I've known Tom for 25 years and he always picks up a check

Gregory: how shitty is the economy?

Zandi: really very very shitty

Gregory: Steve Ballmer said things really suck

Forbes: oh I disagree we can definitely rebound all we need to do is say "ain't" on tv

Burnett: we consumed like crazy for 25 years and that's gone forever - Generation Y sucks to be you

Gregory: let me go to the ultimate authority on teh economy - the Heritage Foundation - and now for contrast, steve forbes

Forbes: sure asset values have falled for instance my collection of fabrege eggs is worth less but we need to stop whining

Gregory: what's the solution

Forbes: Americans need to stop crying, show initiative and inherit a billion dollars from their weird gay dad

Gregory: well we can't all be Suri

Gregory: What's the answer?

Zandi: Tax cuts

Forbes: Spending alone isn't going to do it - you'll never guess what my answer is?

Greogry: lower income taxes?

Forbes: ha - no! Lower corporate taxes

Gregory: and mark to market

Forbes: so so so so sad

Gregory: why has Obama failed so much?

Burnett: the issue is not private jets - it's that we must bail out the banks or the economy will not grow

Gregory: so how can we help the banks?

Burnett: create a bad bank

Gregory: but we already have Citigroup

Gregory: but this could cost 2 trillion

Zandi: oh no only $500 billion

Gregory: oh is that all

Zandi: the government should buy the bad loans and get a good low price for it

Gregory: and hope and pray things will work out

Gregory: Obama got mad at all the Wall Street bonuses

Burnett: oh I get all so-called outrage and fake populism but you got to understand the people on Wall Street are doing their darndest!

Zandi: this is the risk of giving tax money cause then taxpayers want control which is just crazy - government can't make these decisions!

Gregory: this also applies to the national endowment for the arts right

Burnett: ha ha ha - no

Forbes: hey you take the money you pay the price

Burnett: this populism is very very scary - someone needs to tell the little people to hand over their tax money and shut the fuck up


Anonymous said...

Lots of good stuff in this one.

My fav exchange:

Gregory: what's the solution

Forbes: Americans need to stop crying, show initiative and inherit a billion dollars from their weird gay dad



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