Barack Obama’s Announcemnt of Joe Biden as his candidate for Vice President

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Obama's Introduction of Joe Biden as his Choice for Democratic Nominee for Vice President
Springfield, Illinois
August 23, 2008
Speakers:
Sen. Barack Obama
Sen. Joe Biden
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Obama: Hellllloooooooo Springfield!!!

Obama: Are the Simpsons in teh House?!?!!!

Homer: woo-hoo!!!!!

Marge: Homey!!

Obama: Thanks Dick Durbin!

Bart: ha ha he said dick

Homer: hee hee hee

Lisa: [ rolls eyes]

Marge: Hmmmmmrrrrrrr

Obama: holy shit almost 2 years ago I said I was gonna be president and no one believed it

Crowd: yaaaaaaay

Obama: as i've traveled all across america i have realized this one truly fucked up nation

Crowd: yeah!!!

Obama: The Time for Change has come

Crowd: Wooooooooo!!!!

Obama: I've searched America for a decent capable old white man

and searched

and searched

Crowd: yay!!!

Obama: and i did not find that man -- so I finally picked Joe Biden

Crowd: whooooooooo!!!

Obama: he is uniquely suited to be my attack dog who is also acceptable to the D.C. media

Crowd: clap clap clap

Obama: Joe Biden was born in Buffalo to Tim Russert's father

this was so traumatic he developed a stutter

Crowd: [ laughs ]

Obama: then as a child he worked in the sweatshop paper mills of Dunder Mifflin

then became a single father which as we all know is a sign of elitism

and rides a train every day which as we all know is all about communism

Crowd: Yaaaaaaaaaaayyy!!

Obama: then he had brain aneurysm - let's face it, between living in Scranton, a childhood working in the Dunder Mifflin paper mill, and catholic school - the man has had it rough

Crowd: awwwwwwwwww

Obama: he looked Slobodan Milosovic in the eyes and told him he was a terrible dresser

he's met with dictators and been in war zones and he even went to Georgia and ate at the best Italian restaurant in Atlanta - the Olive Garden - that my friends is sacrifice

Crowd: yaaaaaaaaayyy!!!

Obama: He's a true statesman who has authored legislation and knows government and foreign affairs and the supreme court has met with world leaders and and done more than i have and that is why he is ready to have a job with no responsibilities whatsoever!!!

Crowd: WOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Obama: it is time for truly radical change - it is time to turn the page - it is time to rock the world - IT IS TIME FOR JOE BIDEN!!!

Crowd: [ clap clap clap ]

Obama: The Next President -- Bruce Springsteen!!!!!

Crowd: Bruuuuuuuuuuuuuuceeeeee!!!!

Biden: i not only know how many houses i have i know where my feet are!!

Crowd: Yaaaayy!!!!!!

Biden: Barack is the son of a globe trotting do-gooding white woman and kenyan alcoholic muslim man -- just like me!

Crowd: Wooooo-hoooooo!!!

Biden: laddies and doods teh american dream is to grow up blue-collar and spend your life in teh senate and then run for a meaningless job under a black man half your age

Crowd: [ applause ]

Biden: i know you people are poor and hurting and bush-cheney are fucking you over

Crowd: right on!

Biden: laddies and gentlepersons let's face it there is one hell of a big Shitpile out there

Crowd: damm right!

Biden: i know you sit at the kitchen table and worry -- well John McCain has it worse than you do -- he can't decide which of his 7 tables to sit at

Crowd: HAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

Biden: but the good news we got the skinny guy from Chicago with the funny name

Biden: but we will succeed by telling people the truth

Crowd: no don't do that

Biden: there are 44 senators older than me

Crowd: holy shit

Biden: the reckoning is now

Crowd: yaaaaaaaaaayy!!

Biden: i like John McCain but I'm afraid to say that John supports George Bush

Crowd: Oh noes!

Biden: hell he thinks Bush has been a good president

Crowd: noooooooooooo

Biden: he supported Stupid on Iraq

Crowd: OMG!!!!

Crowd: YES WE CAN YES WE CAN YES WE CAN YES WE CAN YES WE CAN

Biden: holy shit who are these crazy people

Biden: i like Barack America

Crowd: OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA

Biden: all right jeez

Biden: but i admit the guy kicked my ass in the primaries and he's got something good

Crowd: yaaaaaaaaaaaay!

Biden: he's a clear eye pragmatist!!

Crowd: YEAAAAAAAH!!!

Biden: he fought against nukes and for ethics and wounded soldiers

Crowd: preach it brother

Biden: What can I say - there is something about this guy - I sure wish i had it but i don't and frankly it's amazing

Crowd: suck it peeps!!

Biden: Obama fought in Patton's army and won eight gold medals and will raise your kids in space

Obama: Boooo-yaaaaaaah!!!!

Biden: i'm here for the white people, the blue-collar workers, the lunch bucket carriers, the mullet wearers of America!!!

Crowd: amen!

Biden: This is America's time and may Jesus Mary and Joseph protect America's troops!!!

Crowd: BIII-DENN!!!! BIIII-DENN!!! BIII-DENNN!!! BIIII-DENNN!!! BIIII-DENNN!!! BIIII-DENNN!!!