Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Meet The Press – October 16, 2016


Vice President Joe Biden

Sen. Mike Pence

Kristen Welker

Joy-Ann Reid

Chris Cillizza

High Hewitt

Todd: welcome Mr Vice President

Biden: great to be here chad

Todd: no one likes Hillary Clinton

Biden: some of it is sexism

Todd: white people say to me all the time 'what about me?'

Biden: we fixed the damn economy Chuck

Todd: Obama never won white people

back after saying they cling to their guns

Biden: well they do

Todd: likewise Hillary Clinton will

never shake that deplorable line

Biden: my dad had borrow money for college

Todd: what's your advice for Hillary?

Biden: people are mad –

this election is a big fucking deal

Todd: do you know why so many

white people love Trump?

Biden: they were crushed by the recession

Todd: I want a no-fly zone over Aleppo

Biden: and I want to be President 
of the United States

Todd: seriously though –

can we at least bomb Syria

Biden: first we have to take

Mosul and wipe out ISIS

Todd: but but

Biden: we can't do both Chuckie

Todd: that makes me sad

Biden: Republicans won't support

using force in Syria

Todd: this is Rwanda all over again

Biden: you're jonesing for war Charles

Todd: what if! what if! what if!

Biden: we're retaking Mosul

Todd: then can we invade Syria please

Biden: no then we go on to Raqqa

Todd: then we can please go into Aleppo?!?

Biden: how about a sense of humility

Todd: can we throw a high

hard baseball at Putin's head

Biden: oh we're gonna do it Chuck

Todd: that's so cool

Biden: it will be awesome

Todd: how worried are you though?

Biden: it will be a proportional cyber attack

Todd: this sounds great –

will the public know?

Biden: nope

Todd: awww

[ break ]

Todd: Michelle Obama says
Trump's sex crimes bother her

Pence: I have tremendous respect for her

Todd: we all do

Pence: Trump made it clear that

it was all just talk about assault

Todd: okay

Pence: we need to move beyond

Trump's sex crimes

Todd: you know who doesn't want

to move on from this issue?

Pence: no tell me

Todd: Donald Trump

Trump: all those women are liars!

Trump: she would not be my

first choice to grope!

Todd: so nine different women 
have accused Trump of attacking them

Pence: they're all unsubstantiated!

Todd: that's what substantiated means

Pence: no the accusers are all

women and you know how they are

Todd: good point

Pence: what about the Clinton foundation?

Todd: we covered that

Pence: what about sweetheart deals in Haiti

Todd: what indeed

Pence: this election is rigged by a media

talking about non-consensual grabbing

Todd: so nine women talking about

sex crimes should be ignored?

Pence: yes because Trump's made it

clear that all these women are liars

Todd: I see

Pence: Qatar donated to the Clinton

Foundation and got access to Bill Clinton

Todd: yeah um so what

Pence: The media doesn't report

on the Clinton scandals! Don't believe me

read The New York Times!

Todd: is Donald Trump a good man?

Pence: Obama didn't bomb Syria

that has to change!

Todd: Russia is burglarizing John Podesta

Pence: there should be tough consequences!

Todd: yet again Donald 
Trump disagrees with you

Pence: I hope Obama bombs Russia

but he won't because he didn't bomb

Syria like he should have

Todd: again that's not what Trump says

Pence: Trump has forcefully

called for a task force!

Todd: I see

Pence: what about the Haitian scandal?

Todd: someone got rich in Haiti?

Pence: while we know all these

so-called women are liars!

Todd: Bill Kristol says you should

have a modicum of self-respect and quit

Pence: my little family will stand

should to shoulder with Trump

Todd: will you accept the

results of the election?

Pence: the media is so

obviously biased against Trump

Todd: no doubt

Pence: the Clinton Foundation!

Todd: you keep saying 'rigged election'

Pence: I love the peaceful transfer of power

Todd: don't we all

Pence: we will accept the

will of the American people

Todd: big news indeed

Pence: despite the media!

Todd: okay okay

Pence: it's rigged!

Todd: thanks for coming Mike

[ break ]

Todd: Trump said the election is rigged

Hewitt: Pence is defending like

the Donald like Ser Davos did for

Stannis Baratheon

Todd: that ended with Stannis

being destroyed by a woman

Welker: Pence said he will accept the

election results but that's not what

Donald Trump is saying

Reid: Pence and Jeff Sessions also

keep talking about a rigged election

Cillizza: I literally cannot imagine

Trump admitting he lost fair and square

Hewitt: Pence will make the

concession phone call

Todd: that's not how it works

Hewitt: Condi Rice is a true American hero

Welker: Clinton can't just win 
- she has to win big

Cillizza: Trump is not 
running a normal campaign

Todd: it's distruptive

Cilizza: its a random airing of the grievances

Todd: he does seem a bit off lately

Cillizza: the man attacked

a defenseless teleprompter

Todd: Democrats are using Trump

against Republicans all over the country

McCain: I have daughters! I have friends!

Hewitt: Pat Toomey is a wonderful guy!
A big tipper!

Reid: there is ticket splitting but at

some point the tsunami sweeps

everyone away

Todd: the country is so divided!

Todd: we visited a rich suburb called 'StarbucksLand'

Voter: go Hillary!

Todd: then we visited McDonaldsVille

Voter: yay Trump!

Todd: white people like Trump 
more than Hillary Clinton

Cillizza: yes there are people

who love him but he's got a ceiling too

Todd: the Russia mail theft reveal 
that Hillary is calculating person

Cillizza: you definitely don't want 
that quality in a President

Welker: the Clinton campaign is
blaming the Russians and 
comparing it to Watergate

Todd: gosh

Welker: the problem is that 
there has been no bombshell

Todd: that is a problem

Reid: she's a politician big deal

Hewitt: if she gave a deal for Haiti aid

to someone who knew Bill Clinton

that is a crime!

Cillizza: it's also worth noting at

this point in the conversation that the

GOP nominee is an unhinged lunatic

Reid: why is Russia trying to make 
Trump the U.S. President?

Cillizza: today Pence went after Putin

but Trump loves him some Vladimir

Welker: if Trump hadn't bragged 
about sex crimes we would be 
talking about Wikileaks!

Trump: we should take a drug

test before the debate!!

Todd: this is the 'Hillary Clinton 
stamina issue'

Welker: he's firing a warning shot

Reid: he's completely crazy

Todd: what will happen at the debate??

Cillizza: likely he will utter a series

of disjointed ramblings

Hewitt: he will talk about Haiti

for ninety minutes

Cillizza: if were smart and rational he would

Todd: right

Cillizza: but he will probably have 
a mental breakdown on live tv

Todd: and that's another 
episode of Meet the Press

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