Sunday, September 20, 2015

Meet The Press – September 20, 2015

Ben Carson
Jon Kasich
Jamie Dimon – CEO JP Morgan Chase
David Maraniss
Molly Ball
Maria Shriver
Hugh Hewitt

Todd: omg survey monkey says
Carly Fiorina won the debate won
the debate just like the pundits dictated!

Todd: Trump still leads but
Fiorina is coming up fast!

Todd: Ben Carson is second
place but Carly is taking his votes!

Todd: welcome Mr Trump

Trump: my polls are awesome

Todd: does faith matter

Trump: evangelicals loves me!

Todd: do they really

Trump: I brought my Bible and they liked that!

Todd: is that it took

Trump: polls say evangelicals love me

Todd: you said are not morally
obligated to protect the President
and you are right about that

Trump: you are right that I am right

Todd: so we're both right

Trump: I agree the President
can protect himself

Todd: and then some

Trump: Obama would never defend me!

Todd: unless it was absolutely necessary

Trump: the guy at my rally felt passionately
that he wanted to get rid of all Muslims

Todd: so why not push back?

Trump: there is no questions
there is a problem with some
Muslims all over the world!

Todd: would you be okay
with a Muslim President?

Trump: I don't know

Todd: fair enough

Trump: it already happened with Obama!

Todd: wait what?

Trump: I take Obama at his word
that he's maybe possibly a Christian

Todd: why not take him at his
word on his birth certificate?

Trump: I'm into veterans now

Todd: right

Trump: Birtherism is too complicated
to explain on your show

Todd: I'm into the world of jobs
and vets and Obamacare now

Todd: would you meet with Putin?

Trump: I'd like to do that and enjoy that

Todd: sounds great

Trump: if Obama got along with
Vladimir that would be a wonderful thing

Todd: the Pope doesn't like 
rich people like you

Trump: like all people – if the
Pope knew me he'd like me

Todd: no doubt

Trump: he fell for the climate change
hoax but he's a very nice person

Todd: thanks for coming Donald

[ break ]

Todd: welcome Ben Carson

Carson: hi Ted

Todd: conservatives like you but say
you are not ready to run the Executive
branch of the government

Carson: I will adjust to that job over time

Todd: you don't know much about policy

Carson: I know about the brain
and some about the kidney

Todd: would you send ground troops to Syria

Carson: I would use ground troops in Iraq

Todd: what about Syria?

Carson: ISIS has a caliphate and Anbar

Todd: okay

Carson: we should push ISIS into
Syria and let them fight Assad

Todd: so ISIS which beheads
Americans becomes out allies

Carson: did you know there
are Chinese in Syria?

Todd: you want them to fight
it out among themselves

Carson: that would be on
the agenda to consideration

Todd: should a President's faith matter?

Carson: of course it's an un-American religion

Todd: like what?

Carson: like Druids or Jedi

Todd: is Islam American?

Carson: absolutely not

Todd: could you accept a Muslim President?

Carson: no way never

Todd: could you vote for a Muslim for Congress?

Carson: maybe Congress is
useless and powerless

Todd: all right

Carson: if it is was a good Muslim!

Todd: do you believe Obama was
born in America and a Christian?

Carson: I have no reason no to

Todd: thanks for coming Doctor
and good luck in rescuing your campaign

Carson: what do you mean by that?

Todd: you'll see

[ break ]

Todd: welcome Governor Kasich

Kasich: thanks Charles

Todd: you didn't shine in the debate

Kasich: it was a demolition derby

Todd: heh

Kasich: it's not a national election
its state by state

Todd: true enough

Kasich: we're doing fine

Todd: you said Hispanic
immigrants are hotel janitors

Kasich: yes but Hispanics are critical
to America and they love God

Todd: sounds right

Kasich: I have a Hispanic
friend who is a doctor

Todd: how remarkable

Kasich: not only are Hispanics
good people they will be in the future

Todd: does a President's faith matter?

Kasich: what a weird question

Todd: I have to ask

Kasich: Obama takes from the rich
and gives to the poor and that's wrong

Todd: he's weird that way

Kasich: leads from behind

Todd: it's so sad

Kasich: we need to respect for
our teachers and I respect the
office of President

Todd: what if a Muslim were President?

Kasich: that's hypothetical

Todd: yes it is

Kasich: I just vote for leadership in general

[ break ]

Todd: Hillary is like Gore –
why can't she be more like Bill?

Todd: she doesn't have charm
just like Al Gore

Todd: she has trouble
with the press – like Gore!

Todd: Al Gore ran away from
Bill Clinton and lost!

Todd: she has trouble with the e-mails!

Todd: she also to run with Obama and establish herself

Todd: she wants to be a kinder gentler Obama
more Doctor McCoy and less Mr Spock

Clinton: let's bring people together
to get things done

Todd: Biden's wife on board!

Todd: David you crawled inside
the head of the Clinton hydra!

Maraniss: she doesn't have Bill's
charisma – but then no one does

Maraniss: Bill is a genuine phony
and she can't fake it as well

Maraniss: and they've gotten
defensive over the years

Todd: let Hillary be Hillary!

Ball: but who is Hillary?

Todd: no one knows!

Ball: she has trouble creating 
an image for herself

Todd: it's weird

Ball: her brand new image is
'I'm for whatever you're for'

Shriver: it's not fair to compare her to Bill

Shriver: besides we know who she is –
she's running to be the first female President

Todd: trust me – people are telling
Biden to run and it feels good

Shriver: he's likeable and authentic

Todd: nothing phony about old Joe

Shriver: Uncle Teddy was drafted
and then people dissed him

Todd: Ben Carson just said no
Muslim can be President

Hewitt: that's pretty shocking

Hewitt: William Penn would be
pissed if here alive today

Todd: because of a
religious test for officer?

Hewitt: no about the fact the
Eagles have never won the Super Bowl

Todd: unqualified outsiders
have a majority of support in
the Republican primary

Todd: they tend to be not college
graduates and very conservative

Todd: conservatives were 84% of
Iowa voters but they don't actually vote

[ break ]

Todd: so Carly Fiorina went on a
long graphic emotional rant about
Planned Parenthood videos

Planned Parenthood: it's all flat out false

Todd: they inserted stock footage in the videos

Todd: Politi Fact says the video was
imposed and rated Fiorina Mostly False

Hewitt: Fiorina was right

Todd: no she wasn't

Hewitt: Planned Parenthood
can't handle the truth!

Todd: but Carly Fiorina is the one who lied

Hewitt: no it's fair for he to lie
because those videos are so
terrible they jumble your mind

Todd: I've never heard that before

Hewitt: it's murder!

Todd: whoa

Hewitt: the debate was highly edited

Todd: it was broadcast live

Hewitt: my brain is scrambled by the truth

Shriver: Planned Parenthood
does a lot of good work

Ball: shutting the government
works for the GOP

Todd: that's true

Ball: for conservatives defunding
Planned Parenthood is the the hill to die on!

Maraniss: with all respect to Hugh Hewitt
a government shutdown is a disaster

Todd: Fiornia stole the issue of lying
about women's health care from
Mike Huckabee

Hewitt: she won the debate by
lying and committing defamation

[ break ]

Todd: both political parties agree
they hate Jamie Dimon
Todd: welcome Jamie

Todd: you're investing in Detroit

Dimon: they're not anti-Republican
so we agreed to fund their streetlights

Todd: you're doing this for PR r
easons because people hate you

Dimon: not at all – our motives are totally pure
we're doing it for money

Todd: is China killing America?

Dimon: no – they're smart but they're way behind us

Todd: they have a lot of our debt

Dimon: yeah we have a $100 trillion economy

Todd: why do have so little growth?

Dimon: I give Bush and Obama credit
for stopping a Depression we caused

Todd: so what is Washington doing wrong?

Dimon: the debt ceiling crisis wasn't helpful

Todd: no kidding

Dimon: we need immigrant reform

Todd: you're blaming Washington!
Dimon: no I blame the voters

Todd: what about a government shutdown?

Dimon: hey politicians – you compromise
in real lifeso do it in Washington!

Todd: snap

Dimon: it's bad management

Todd: Wall Street are all greedy fat cats

Dimon: sure but that's 
competition in a free market

Todd: is it a free market or a rigged system

Dimon: a bit of both

Todd: do you pay enough in taxes?

Dimon: I pay 50% or a bit less

Todd: but you could pay more

Dimon: but Washington
wastes a lot of money too

Todd: all candidates hate Wall Street!

Dimon: yes because we did wreck the worldwide economy

Todd: yeah you fucking did

Dimon: we loaned you losers 
too much moneywe won't make
that mistake again

Todd: ouch

Dimon: we did make mistakes

Todd: would Hillary Clinton make 
a good President?

Dimon: maybe

Todd: why not get involved in the race

Dimon: I'm fucking busy

Todd: thanks

[ break ]

Todd: David is Detroit's comeback real?

Maraniss: yes but my book is nostalgic
for a magic time of post-WWII America
that can never come back

Todd: the Pope is going to shake up politics!

Todd: he's talking about poverty and
climate change instead of abortion and gays

Shriver: Catholics love it!

Todd: he's going to make Republican
Catholics uncomfortable

Hewitt: but we all love the Catholic church

Maraniss: the Pope is going to wrestle
Donald Trump at Madison Square Garden

Todd: George Will really hates the Pope

Ball: Obama is trying to ride
the Pope's coat tails

Todd: and vice versa

Ball: the church doesn't want to be political

Todd: unless they're denying Democrats communion

Ball: non-Catholics loves this pope

Shriver: liberals think he's progressive
and conservatives think he's a traditionalist
and moderates think he's a snappy dresser

Todd; he's a good politician

Shriver: he's the People's Pope

Todd: Bernie Sanders is
redefining socialism

Ball: it's working for him

Todd: Bernie needs to laugh at himself

Maraniss: well all do

Todd: and that's another
episode of Meet the Press

1 comment:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

So. Did Dimon have a sex with a dead barnyard animal?

He looks like the type to me.