Sunday, May 31, 2015

This Week with George Stephanopoulos – May 31, 2015

Gov. Martin O'Malley (D-MD)
Hamish MacDonald
Pierre Thomas
Dan Abrams
Richard Clarke
Mark Halperin
Jon Heileman
Michael Eric Dyson
Kristen Soltis-Anderson

Stephanopoulos: omg John Kerry
broke in his leg in a bike accident

MacDonald: he was biking
in the French Alps taking a
break from nuclear negotiations

Stephanopoulos: of course

MacDonald: he is often seen
out and about in his lycra spandex

Stephanopoulos: there's a visual for you

MacDonald: he's going to be fine
just no more bike riding for a while

Stephanopoulos: well that's good

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: also very sad news
Beau Biden died of brain cancer

Stephanopoulos: he got the Bronze star
and was going to run for Governor

Stephanopoulos: when he was 
only three years old Beau was hurt
in the car accident wher his mother 
and sister were killed

Stephanopoulos: there was such a
strong bond between father and son

Biden: if you're a success if your kids
turned out better than you did –
well then I'm a success

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: omg the
Patriot Act is going to expire!

Obama: we're trying to prevent
terror attacks and Ron Paul is
acting like a jackass

Stephanopoulos: is Obama being
too alarmist?

Clarke: no he's not – while it's true
the bulk collection is not that useful
all the other necessary provisions
of the Patriot Act also expire tonight

Stephanopoulos: how scary is that?

Clarke: it depends how long a
window we have where we let
terrorists make all the phone calls they want

Stephanopoulos: so terrorists will
have a week to make unmonitored
phone calls where they plan attacks on us?

Clarke: well the FBI can still get
a search warrant if they really want

Stephanopoulos: a search warrant?
What is this - the middle ages?

Clarke: indeed – we might as well
ask the NSA to use manual typewriters
and work by whale oil lamps and heat
their offices with fires they build themselves

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: so it turns we hired
a predator to clean up Congress

Thomas: Denny Hastert was
considered squeaky clean!

Friend: he'll be vindicated!

Thomas: but now there are
allegedly there two victims

Former Student: I will be in his 
back pocket til the end!

Thomas: Hastert said the U.S.
banking system can't be trusted

Stephanopoulos: holy crap

Thomas: don't worry he didn't mean it

Stephanopoulos: how did they get him?

Abrams: it's anti-money
laundering law George

Stephanopoulos: it's a crime to
withdraw $10,000 – thats like petty cash!

Abrams: purposefully avoiding 
the law is a crime

Stephanopoulos: so he should have
just written a check to his blackmailer

Abrams: it would have helped

Stephanopoulos: what should he have done?

Abrams: well he could have obeyed
the law and been honest and told the truth

Stephanopoulos: oh come on be realistic

Abrams: he should have shut
up and hired a lawyer

Stephanopoulos: he didn't do that?

Abrams: no he did the dumb thing 
– he lied to the FBI

Stephanopoulos: shouldn't the FBI be
going after real criminals like terrorists
or welfare cheats or shoplifters

Abrams: you wouldn't normally
go after disclosure requirements
without a worse crime

Stephanopoulos: and we don't have that here

Abrams: yeah like drug dealing
not something minor like child molesting

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: omg Martin
O'Malley is running for President!

Stephanopoulos: welcome Marty O

O'Malley: good morning George

Stephanopoulos: why you and why now?

O'Malley: I want the U.S.
economy to work again

Stephanopoulos: how would your
Presidency be different from Barack
Obama or Hillary Clinton?

O'Malley: Obama got us out of the
recession but now we have more work to do

Stephanopoulos: all right

O'Malley: I have more executive
experience that Obama did when 
he took office

Stephanopoulos: you locked up at lot
of poor African-Americans in Baltimore

O'Malley: hey look back in 1999
Baltimore was city of crime and 
drug addicts and walking dead 
zombies on every street corner

Stephanopoulos: sounds pleasant

O'Malley: I was re-elected so
I must have been doing something right

Stephanopoulos: maybe so but you
left behind a legacy of inequality
discrimination and riots

O'Malley: it's true that unemployment
is still high in some areas of the city
jeepers I'd be angry too

Stephanopoulos: you said Goldman
Sachs wants Hillary Clinton as President

O'Malley: well that's what the
CEO of Goldman Sachs said

Stephanopoulos: is she that bad?

O'Malley: she's up to her eyeballs
in Wall Street money

Stephanopoulos: is she as bad as Jeb?

O'Malley: she might be

Stephanopoulos: are you down with TPP?

O'Malley: I'm opposed to it
it's a race to the bottom

Stephanopoulos: what about
the notorious Clinton charity

O'Malley: it's pretty shady George

Stephanopoulos: can you possibly win?

O'Malley: Obama pulled it off back in 2008

Stephanopoulos: yeah but back
then he was up against a candidate
who was way ahead in all the 
polls named Hillary Clinton

O'Malley: a-ha!

Stephanopoulos: I see what you did there

O'Malley: lol

Stephanopoulos: Bernie Sanders 
is outflanking you on the left

O'Malley: good – that means liberals
want someone else

Stephanopoulos: so why not vote
for him and not for you?

O'Malley: because I have a track
record of getting things done

Stephanopoulos: good luck Walter

O'Malley: Martin

Stephanopoulos: whatever

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: greetings panelists –
what's your headline of the week?

Soltis-Anderson: Clinton took
FIFA money – such a scandal!!

Dyson: the Cleveland police
department is a criminal syndicate

Halperin: Scott Walker is the
man to beat in Iowa

Heileman: everyone hates
Rand Paul – and he loves it!!

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