Sunday, December 09, 2012

Meet The Press – December 9, 2012

Sen. Richard Durbin (D-IL)
Rep. Kevin McCarthy (R-CA)
Richard Engel
Jeffrey Goldberg
Helene Cooper
Juliana Goldman
Newt Gingrich
Lawrence O'Donnell
Gregory: holy crap the fiscal cliff is
looming and Obama wants to attack Syria!

Engel: Assad is a violent lunatic who
might use nerve gas on rebels

Gregory: whoa

Engel: the rebels are not convinced
Obama is really ready to start another war

Gregory: oh my

Engel: the rebels can't deliver a 
knockout blowunless the plans for 
the Death Star are discovered

Gregory: would Obama launch a war
if Assad used chemical weapons?

Goldberg: the Obama Doctrine is
stand and watch a civil war unfold

Cooper: Obama doesn't want to get
involved in Syria which would be

Goldberg: yes but lots of people have been
killed and Obama did nothing –
it's murder and America should attack!

Gregory: Egypt is coming apart

Goldberg: Obama is in bed with
Mubarak with a beard

[ break ]

Gregory: OMG the fiscal cliff is coming!!

Audience: woot

Gregory: why not raise tax rates
and accept cuts to Medicaid

McCarthy: we offered revenues
and Obama said no

Gregory: you agreed to higher
tax rates on the rich?

McCarthy: no we agreed to closing
loopholes which we won't name

Durbin: I can't believe they are
still fighting for tax cuts for
the richest people – sheesh

Gregory: let's just close loopholes
and not raise my taxes

Durbin: sorry Fluffy no deal

McCarthy: did you know Obama
invented the idea of debt?

Gregory: no I did not

McCarthy: also no one ever spent
money before Obama came along

Gregory: wow

McCarthy: the economy is recovering and
Obama has proposed more stimulus !

Durbin: the economy is recovering
because of the Obama stimulus!

Gregory: why the objection to raising
taxes on billionaires?

McCarthy: because loopholes like home
mortgage deduction are only for privileged
rich people with lawyers

Gregory: why not cut Medicare right now

Durbin: Fluffy Medicare will run
out of money in 12 years

Gregory: so I'm right

Durbin: no because we must slash
Medicare through the Committee Process

Gregory: that is wise

Durbin: the GOP is fracturing because the
American people have spoken –
they want new taxes on the rich

McCarthy: is it really fair that poor small
businesses should pay 55% in taxes?

Durbin: what an idiot

Gregory: should we raise the Medicare age?

Durbin: if so what do we do with old
people without health insurance?

Gregory: ice floe?

McCarthy: Republicans have already
offered fake revenues!

Greg: he's got you there

McCarthy: we need what happened with
Reagan and Tip O'Neil and Clinton and
Newt Gingrich which is they negotiation and
Republicans got what they wanted

Gregory: would Obama really go
over the cliff?

Durbin: why not – the GOP keeps
threatening to default on our debt

Gregory: what about gay marriage?

McCarthy: those people are so icky

Durbin: marriage equality is the
future of America – we're all gay now!

McCarthy: but not openly!

Gregory: what about Susan Rice?

Durbin: I hope Obama nominates her just to help
John McCain look even more foolish

Gregory: a great man like him 
doesn't need your help

Durbin: good point

[ break ]

Gregory: wow Hillary Clinton could run
for President in 2016! People are buzzing!!

Audience: wheee

Gregory: Republicans are willing to raise
taxes if they can cut Medicare

Gingrich: yes but Obama won the election
because I was not the nominee –
now Republicans must suffer the
consequences for not choosing me

O'Donnell: Republicans believe that raising
taxes cost jobs but the Clinton years were
great and I am still waiting for Gingrich's apology

Gingrich: Republicans alone caused the
economic boom of the 1990s!

Woodward: thank god Obama is finally
meeting with CEOs who may talk sense
to House Republicans

Goldman: Obama finally brought a
gun to a knifefight

Gregory: holy crap – is Obama really willing to
go off the cliff just because Republicans
would get all the blame?

Cooper: yes – the White House has so much
testosterone right now pregnant women
and children are are not allowed in

Gregory: Obama is acting like he
won the Presidency and stuff

O'Donnell: there is a deal –
the fiscal cliff is the deal!

Gregory: good point

O'Donnell: Democrats like the
results of the fiscal cliff

Gregory: that is true

Gingrich: who blinks first will
define the next four years

Woodward: that is true but on the
other hand I don't like Obama

Gregory: Obama could muscle concessions
through but the GOP could threaten to
destroy America later

Goldman: if so we're screwed

O'Donnell: look no one believes for a minute
that we will stay off the fiscal cliff dumbasses

Gingrich: I would like to point out
that if I were President we would be
living in a bipartisan paradise

Gregory: good point Newtie

Cooper: Obama will own a fiscal cliff recession

Woodward: Obama has miscalculated by
promising to raise taxes on the rich because
he must know the Wall Street Journal will
write editorials against it and therefore
it is not allowed to happen

Gregory: omg the Supreme Court will decide
if gays are people like everyone else or are
too icky to be equal under the law

Gingrich: what if gays visit a normal state
where married people have extra-marital
affairs with other sexes like god intended?

O'Donnell: it doesn't matter –
gay rights are here to stay

Gregory: Hillary Clinton –
she's so hot right now

Woodward: she's got the perfect resume
and younger than Reagan was in 1980
who was 95 years old if I recall correctly

Cooper: Hillary rules!

Goldman: Republicans love her too –
if she runs she clears the field

O'Donnell: she's running – trust me

Gingrich: Bill Clinton destroyed me
so I fear them still

Woodward: she said 1992 was Bill's moment
and she was right

Gregory: Jim DeMint quit –
is the Tea Party out?

Gingrich: if Hillary runs in 2016 backed
by Bill Clinton and Obama well then Republicans
might was well concede the election now

Gregory: oh wow

Gingrich: it was not just a failure to
nominate me – sadly the GOP also has no
fucking clue about the real people of America

Woodward: don't count out the Republican Party
look at Richard Nixon!

Gregory: I love me some Chris Christie!

Cooper: he was funny on Saturday Night Live
but why the fuck are talking about 2016 now

O'Donnell: he's a jerk

Woodward: that's what I like about him

Goldman: watch out for Paul Ryan

Gingrich: Rick Perry is a smart guy

Gregory: [ snort ]

Woodward: Newt Gingrich 2016!

Gregory: and that's another 
episode of Meet The Press



Cervantes said...

Thanks for these weekly summaries. Much better for my mental health than watching the actual shows.

Polish translations said...

Thank you for that