Sunday, November 11, 2012

Meet The Press – November 11, 2012

Rep. Joaquin Castro (D-TX)
Andrea Mitchell
Chuck Todd
Bob Woodward
Doris Kearns Goodwin
Jim Cramer
Steve Schmidt

Gregory: holy crap Obama was historically
reelected but never mind - Saint Petraeus 
resigned over naughty sex!

Mitchell: apparently there was some unknown
scored woman and an open gmail account
which led to the FBI and then to Congress
which is genius for the head of the CIA

Gregory: oh my god

Mitchell: this raises questions
about what Obama is hiding

Woodward: obviously this bewitching
woman enchanted Saint Petraeus

Gregory: clearly

Woodward: Petraeus knows what
really happened in Benghazi and
now he's been silenced!

Gregory: wow

Woodward: Petraeus always dug deep
and now there are videos

Gregory: this happened election night!

Mitchell: which is why the conspiracy
theorists are going wild

Gregory: I love it Andrea!

Woodward: Obama loves Petraeus –
just look at the Bay of Pigs and bin Laden

Mitchell: of course

Gregory: Petraeus had a lot of bandwidth

Woodward: he did the honorable thing by
throwing himself off the Tarpean rock

Gregory: should Obama have refused
to accept the Saint's resignation?

Schumer: no because Petreaus is a true hero

Coburn: face it - women and classified
information don't mix

Gregory: this is another reason to regard
Benghazi as a scandal isn't it

Coburn: indeed we must talk of nothing else

Gregory: but the Fiscal Cliff is almost
as frightening as sex

Coburn: that's a tough call Fluffy

Gregory: the debt is all-important and
therefore we must avoid cutting spending
or raising taxes

Gregory: talk to me about inflicting pain

Coburn: Republicans are willing to cut
raises taxes if we can cut the size of the
federal government in half

Gregory: would you really raises
taxes on rich people like me??

Coburn: yes but the real problem is
greedy old and sick people

Gregory: let's talk more about painful outcomes

Schumer: hey Democrats won
the election Fluffy

Gregory: in theory maybe

Schumer: John Boehner is a gnome
who turns straw into gold

Gregory: I was talking to Republicans this week

Schumer: of course you were

Gregory: what if we didn't raise taxes on rich
people me and on other people instead –
could we please do that

Schumer: bite me Fluffy

Gregory: Senator Coburn please help me

Coburn: if we limit deductions and
exemptions on rich people we could
avoid raising taxes on rich people

Gregory: what about immigration reform

Schumer: Lindsay Graham and I broke up
two years ago but now we're dating again

Gregory: adorbs

Schumer: if we have a national ID it will
stop illegal immigration in its dirty tracks

Gregory: what is the lesson of the 2012 election

Coburn: don't run as a hateful assholes

Gregory: fascinating

Gregory: should Mitt Romney be in
charge of America during the Fiscal Cliff

Schumer: yes and let's put Jeb Bush
in charge of immigration

Gregory: thanks for coming dudes

[ break ]

Gregory: we just had a Presidential election
what about Petraeus' penis??

Todd: mister we could use a man
like George Tenet again

Schmidt: Saint Petreaus is a hero who
did the honorable thing and we all
owe him a debt of gratitude

Goodwin: I miss the days when Presidents
could bang the secretaries all day long
and still put in a full day of planning D-Day

Woodward: how can the head of the CIA 
not keep an affair a secret??

Gregory: good point

Woodward: on the other hand I've known
him for 20 years and we never had sex

Gregory: Obama ran a small and brutish campaign
and he is delusional and also has no mandate

Castro: my identical twin brother
told me you were a moron

Gregory: you remind me of him

Castro: Democrats won the election
you simpleton

Gregory: Bush's style was to spend political capital

Schmidt: yes but Obama must work
with Republicans or he is a failure

Todd: Obama has 60 days before we can
declare his second term a total disaster

Gregory: why so long

Todd: Obama must do a reach-around
on the GOP leadership

Gregory: what about the Fiscal Cliff?

Cramer: this could cause a recession! Eeek!

Gregory: the cliff scares me

Cramer: why hire a new employee
when the government still exists?

Gregory: Obama's biggest mistake was
not surrounding himself with rich
businessmen wasn't it?

Cramer: yes because they care about
getting rich and also staying rich

Goodwin: Obama should get drunk
with John Boehner every night

Gregory: can we get a Grand Bargain?

Woodward: Obama was willing to go very
far and the GOP wouldn't work with him

Gregory: can we inflict pain on regular people

Castro: sure why not

Gregory: how on earth did Obama win?

Todd: non-white people

Gregory: whoa

Todd: did you know there are black people in Ohio?

Gregory: I though LeBron James went to Florida

Todd: he did – and Obama won Cubans!

Gregory: give him a cigar

Todd: Texas is the next swing state

Gregory: cripes

Schmidt: too many Republicans
think all Latinos are illegal

Gregory: Rush Limbaugh fears we
will pass out birth control pills to illegals

Castro: hispanics have been here for
hundreds of years – look at Ted Cruz

Gregory: I hope he gets back together 
with Katie Holmes

Goodwin: Romney lost women 
minorities and scientologists

Gregory: there is a lot of opposition out
there to Obama and he only won
because of bunch of brown people

Woodward: the debt is out of control!
America is doomed!

Gregory: so true

Woodward: Obama has to ignore
his base and slash the debt

Todd: the GOP has become a group of
ungovernable special interest wackos

Schmidt: Rush Limbaugh is destroying
the Republican party

Gregory: can Obama become like Abraham
Lincoln by working with Republicans

Goodwin: yes – Obama must bring into his
cabinet many CEOs and of course Mitt Romney

Woodward: John Boehner is such a hero
by offering to work with Obama

Castro: oh for god's sake – he always 
caves to the tea party

Woodward: maybe but I can dream can't I

Gregory: and that's another episode
of Meet The Press



ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Nice job as always, CoT. I hope some MMfA common taters drop by to check it out.

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