Sunday, July 29, 2012

This Week With George Stephanopoulos - July 29, 2012

Matthew Dowd
Robert Gibbs (Adviser - Obama Campaign)
Kevin Madden (Adviser - Romney Campaign)
Donna Brazile
George Will
David Chalian
Dana Loesch
Jonathan Karl
Dick Cheney

Dowd: wow I declare the Presidential
race is dead even!

Audience: who could possibly have guessed

Gibbs: this election is a choice between a
painfully slow recovery and utter disaster

Madden: no it’s about whether Obama
sufficiently cleaned up the
Republican’s mess and he didn’t

Dowd: that makes sense

Madden: unemployment is high and
Obama is crushing small businesses!

Dowd: your candidate went to London
and made a fool of himself

Madden: this election is not about
whether Romney is an idiot who
habitually offends our allies

Dowd: let’s hope

Madden: Mitt loves Israel!

Gibbs: how the fuck do you visit our
strongest ally and call them a bunch of tossers?

Madden: wait til he gets to Poland!

Gibbs: if you can’t smile and shake hands
without screwing it up you can’t be President

Dowd: Dan Senor practically
urged Israel to nuke Iran

Gibbs: Obama feels Israel has a right
to nuke Iran but if they do that they’re on their own

Madden: Israelis are kind of like
honorary Americans

Dowd: I suppose a bit

Madden: also Obama is weak and timid
and loves terrorists

Gibbs: Obama built an Iron Dome to protect Israel!

Dowd: Games of Domes!

Gibbs: you seize the Iron Dome or you die!

Dowd: economic growth is anemic

Gibbs: GOP policies crashed the economy

Dowd: that’s all in the past

Gibbs: he wants to cut taxes for
millionaires and billionaires

Dowd: excellent

Madden: it’s time for a change

Dowd: tell me why I should vote for Romney

Madden: he’s going to cut taxes and
drill for oil in Yellowstone

Dowd: politics has become so mean and negative

Gibbs: Mitt Romney is a prep school
bully and a habitual liar

Madden: Obama promised to made
Washington a nice place and has failed

Dowd: it’s tragic

Madden: we’re focused like a laser
on the economy by which I mean
building the Keystone Pipeline

Dowd: thanks for coming guys

[ break ]

Dowd: welcome panel -
amazingly the race is totally tied!

Will: Ohio is votes in October -
the peons are voting early
and it’s deplorable!

Dowd: interesting

Will: Obama keeps getting good news
and yet I still hate him

Brazile: of course you would oppose
people voting George

David Chalian: there is only one
swing voter left in America and he
doesn’t have proper ID

Dowd: wow

Chalian: Obama defined Romney
and Mitt let it happen

Dowd: oh noe what can we do?

Chalian: Mittens 20 will be released
at the Convention

Loesch: as a conservative I’m very
concerned that Obama will lose

Marcus: let’s not talk about gaffes -
they’re shallow and silly

Dowd: I’m glad you brought up gaffes
- let’s talk about them!

Brazile: Romney is a cretin

Loesch: even Piers Morgan endorsed Mitt Romney

Dowd: well I’m sold

Loesch: the trip to London went great
- he told the truth and offended some lefties

Chalian: Leave Mitt Romney alone!!!

Marcus: no one in Israel likes Obama
but the Israelis know a loser when they see one

Will: American Jews don’t like Israel
- the real support for Israel is with
American snake handlers

Chalian: Obama wrecked the economy!

Dowd: he did?

Chalian: I’m so excited for Obama to lose!

Will: we’re growing economically but not fast enough

Chalian: that is so true

Will: food prices are up because of environmentalists

Marcus: my favorite number this week
is that people disapprove of Obama
- god I love Romney campaign

Dowd: you really like Mitt that much?

Marcus: stop talking about Romney’s gaffes!

Loesch: Obama hates business!

Marcus: see - it’s out there! Obama is anti-business!
Obama hates America!

Will: Obama can’t explain Romney’s lies!

Dowd: is Barack Obama the worst
person in America?

Chalian: yes - he has made America a mean and nasty place

Will: true but Jefferson called Adams a poopyhead

Marcus: Americans are sick of lies -
also Obama is a communist

Dowd: um what

Marcus: the people deserve better -
however I will continue lying for money

Dowd: the Chick-Fil-A CEO says God mandated
we eat fried chicken on the go - also gays are evil

Loesch: he’s a Christian - of course he
hates gay people

Will: just like Obama six months ago

Marcus: I totally agree with all Republicans -
supporting gay rights is so repulsive

Chalian: liberals are just terrible people

Loesch: I eat gay-tainted food

Brazile: the first debate will totally
decide this election

Chalian: I’m soooo rooting for Romney

Marcus: who cares about debates?
Politics is a game!

Dowd: thanks for coming idiots

[ break ]

Karl: who should Romney pick for Vice President

Cheney: someone qualified -
in other words not Sarah Palin

Karl: tell me more Dick

Cheney: we have the fake list which a lie
and the real true short list

Karl: what about picking someone to
shore up support among women Hispanics
or another of the many groups who hate Romney

Cheney: that’s what John McCain did and frankly
picking a moron like Palin was big mistake

Dowd: but she’s so cute

Karl: not as cute and cuddly as Cheney
- he’s hilarious and adorable

Dowd: tell me more

Karl: in my interview with him he bashes Obama
and strangles a kitten

Dowd: I’m in love

Dowd: any inside tips on Romney’s Vice President?

Karl: don’t forget Paul Ryan - he’s a fighter!

Dowd: is the Romney campaign ready?

Karl: yes this time I swear they are!

Dowd: I believe you but sadly we’re out of time
- I could do this all day! Thanks for watching!

Cheney: fuckers
[ shoots tv ]

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