Sunday, July 01, 2012

Meet The Press - July 1, 2012

Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-CA)
Gov. Bobby Jindal (R-LA)
Howard Dean
Rich Lowry
Eugene Robinson
Savannah Guthrie
Chuck Todd
Gregory: Hi Nancy - is the health
care fight over?

Pelosi: we got rid of discrimination
on pre-existing conditions -
that’s pretty fucking awesome

Gregory: the GOP says they will
repeal the law

Pelosi: they all work for the health
insurance industry

Gregory: well corporations are
people who need representation too

Pelosi: this law offers better care
at lower prices

Gregory: Mitt Romney says he
will repeal
the law on Day One

Pelosi: that will hurt people
businesses and America

Gregory: I doubt that will stop him

Pelosi: Nancy smash!

Gregory: isn’t Obama a big failure?

Pelosi: no he isn’t Fluffy

Gregory: but the law isn’t popular

Pelosi: health insurers spent
$200 million on lies about death panels

Gregory: apparently it worked

Pelosi: people held signs saying get
your government hands off my Medicare

Gregory: that was awesome

Pelosi: people are going to get checks
in the mail because of this law

Gregory: the mandate is a tax

Pelosi: it’s a penalty on people who
can afford health insurance but
refuse to buy it

Gregory: tax!

Pelosi: these free riders have
no personal responsibility

Gregory: Obama did not sell it as a tax

Pelosi: it’s not a tax - it’s a penalty
under the tax code

Gregory: that sounds a lot like a tax

Pelosi: ok have it your way - all the
benefits are a massive tax cut

Gregory: Nancy you just blew my fucking mind

Pelosi: sweets

Gregory: you lost the House
in 2010 over this law

Pelosi: no we lost over high unemployment

Gregory: you didn’t sell the bill very well

Pelosi: that’s true but unemployment
would have been 15% without the stimulus

Gregory: unemployment is still high -
so why won’t you lose the House
all over again

Pelosi: cause we don’t have it now

Gregory: fair point

Gregory: what’s your slogan for 2012

Pelosi: Broadband and Bridges, Bitches!

Gregory: catchy

Pelosi: the Breadbox and Ballot Box!

Gregory: where are the jobs?

Pelosi: they went away under George W. Bush

Gregory: when are they coming back?

Pelosi: ask all the job creators
with their big tax cuts

Gregory: do you really believe the GOP
held Holder in contempt because
he’s in favor of voting rights

Pelosi: damn right I do Fluffy

Gregory: wow

Pelosi: we never got a straight answer
on political influence on U.S. Attorneys

Gregory: that was fun

Pelosi: we waited 200 days while
Bush and Harriet Miers stonewalled

Gregory: whatever happened to her

Pelosi: she and her cats voted 7-2
to strike down health care

Gregory: who were the holdouts

Pelosi: Muffykins and Mr. Whiskers

Gregory: some people have accused
John Roberts of putting the integrity
of the court ahead of the
Republicans’ political agenda

Audience: oh noes

Gregory: Bobby you will try to repeal this law

Jindal: Obama forced this law through
and now he cuts $500 million from Medicare

Gregory: will you reject free money for Medicaid

Jindal: yes - it violates fundamental
freedom and liberty

Gregory: ok

Jindal: we can’t afford more lazy
welfare cheats getting in the cart
instead of pulling!

Gregory: calm down you’re going to
erupt like an unmonitored volcano

Jindal: we’re going to become like Europe!

Gregory: laissez les bon temps roulez

Dean: we have health care in Vermont
while Louisiana leads the nation in early death

Jindal: but we’re first heedless debauchery

Dean: it’s free money - to turn it
down is just plain crazy!!

Jindal: those federal dollars aren’t free
- they come from your grandchildren

Gregory: good - little kids are annoying

Jindal: Obamacare caused the recession in 2007!

Gregory: Romney says he will repeal
the whole law on Day One

Dean: and drive old people into poverty
- like hell he will

Gregory: give him credit - he might

Dean: this is insane - Massachusetts
already did this and it’s working!

Jindal: Romney cares about
pre-existing conditions too

Gregory: he does?

Jindal: When Romney is elected President--

Dean: [ snort ]

Gregory: Romney once called a mandate ‘essential’

Jindal: yes but Mardi Gras is not held in Boston

Gregory: are you comparing a mindless
drunken orgy to emergency life saving health care

Jindal: where I’m from one follows the other

Gregory: I hear your state in infested with vampires

Jindal: the government now force people to
buy insurance or pay a penalty!!

Gregory: you mean like the state
government did under Mitt Romney

Jindal: never heard of him

Dean: 22% of kids in Texas don’t have insurance!

Jindal: just leave health care up to the states
- they can handle it!

Dean: did you even hear what I said?

Gregory: Bobby why are newspapers dying?

Jindal: because the media has embraced
cheap sensationalism with people yelling
at other over facts and analysis

Gregory: that reminds me -
we’ll right back with our roundtable

[ break ]

Gregory: Obama had a big win this
week didn’t he

Todd: it was a huge relief for him

Lowry: Obama is supposed to be
this big Constitutional scholar and
look what happened

Gregory: he won

Low: oh right dammit

Gregory: so now what happens

Lowry: Republicans must stymie this law!

Gregory: you guys never stop do you

Guthrie: Obama raised taxes!

Gregory: good one Savannah

Robinson: get over it - no one’s
repealing this law

Gregory: but the law is messy
and controversial

Todd: the American people don’t want
to keep fighting this over and over

Gregory: but I do

Todd: what is the GOP replacement plan?

Lowry: Romney should give a speech
saying a mandate is the worst idea ever

Todd: it was his idea!

Lowry: Tax credits!

Gregory: what about pre-existing conditions

Lowry: I call it the Sea World plan -
high-risk pools of uninsurable losers

Gregory: Romney will say the health care
law caused people to get sick

Guthrie: the law hasn’t been implemented yet!

Lowry: so how do we know it’s a good thing?

Gregory: John Roberts de-politicized
the Supreme Court - he’s so dreamy!

Guthrie: he is consumed by integrity of the court

Gregory: I love him so much

Guthrie: this opinion proves he hates 5-4 decisions

Greg: his vote made it 5-4 Savannah

Guthrie: he curbed federal power on
the Commerce Clause and spending

Lowry: he engaged in verbal gymnastics

Gregory: my god he’s awesome

Lowry: he re-wrote the law and that’s
not his job - he’s supposed to rubber
stamp every Republican initiative

Robinson: so everyone is saying Roberts
lied to preserve the integrity of the court - lolwut

Gregory: amazingly pointing out
Bain Capital laid people off is
hurting Mitt Romney

Todd: also his beliefs, stances, record,
proposals and personality

Lowry: yes but Obama is being
very mean pointing out that no
one likes  Mitt Romney

Gregory: the House voted to hold
Eric Holder in contempt

Guthrie: some in the GOP question how
many jobs this vote will create

Robinson: ha like they give a crap

Gregory: and that’s another episode
of Meet The Press


Anonymous said...

No, dammit, Meanie-meanie, tickle a person sez:

I wondered if any of your readers would be politicians. Evidently, all of 'em are;

"No Comments"
"No Comments"
"No Comments"
"No Comments"....

And I'd like to take this opportunity to suggest a subhead, or maybe a sub-subhead for this fine blog;
"I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant."


Anonymous said...

One of the best yet - was laughing all the way through. Thanks for these each week!

Larkspur said...

"Gregory [to Jindal]: calm down you’re going to erupt like an unmonitored volcano."

This might be my favorite line, but darn, the whole thing is good.

Anonymous person said...

Hahaha! It's like Sea World!!! Awesome

Anonymous person said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Obama ain't fluffy. Thanks, Nancy.

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