Sunday, June 24, 2012

Meet The Press - June 24, 2012

Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL)
Rep. Darrell Issa (R-CA)
Bill Richardson
Andrea Mitchell
John Martin
Gregory: it’s great to have you here Marco

Rubio: thanks Fluffy

Gregory: should Arizona police demand
the papers of suspiciously
brown-skinned people

Rubio: yes because Obama is weak

Gregory: should all 11 million
undocumented people go home

Rubio: did you know one million people
come here legally every year?

Gregory: answer the question Marco

Rubio: Obama keeps letting illegal people in

Gregory: he’s deporting more people
than anyone ever has!

Rubio: yes but we need a really big fence!

Gregory: I see

Rubio: after that we can talk about
those 11 million losers

Gregory: I’d like to talk about them right now

Rubio: a few months ago I invented
the idea of letting kids stay here

Gregory: you mean the DREAM Act

Rubio: oh no I hate that law -
mine is called the BAD DREAM Act

Gregory: what’s in it?

Rubio: Obama won’t shoot people
crossing the border!

Gregory: you haven’t said one thing
of substance since you sat down

Rubio: the DREAM Act would encourage
illegal immigration

Gregory: do you agree with the President’s order?

Rubio: no because it was all political
which has no place in legislation or regulation

Gregory: why are you so sad

Rubio: the President never came
to me to endorse my law before
he took my idea away

Gregory: you never even introduced
a bill in Congress

Rubio: that was my tactic to expose
the hypocrisy of Democrats

Gregory: how clever of you

Rubio: look you don’t just rush out a
piece of legislation you own party despises

Gregory: Mitt Romney spent all
spring bashing illegal immigrations

Rubio: what all those people waiting
to come here legally - no one ever
talks about them

Gregory: Does the GOP have
a problem with Latinos?

Rubio: Most Republicans love immigrants

Gregory: ha ha

Rubio: it’s not fair because most Latinos
vote for Democrats because of their
policies on the economy and foreign policy

Gregory: so the GOP is not hated
just because of immigration

Rubio: that’s right - there are so
many other reasons

Gregory: what about the Supreme Court?

Rubio: Obamacare caused the recession

Gregory: what is the solution to the
national health care problem?

Rubio: all individuals should just
go out and buy health insurance

Gregory: good idea but what
about free riders?

Rubio: perhaps we could have some
kind of requirement

Gregory: should we raise taxes
and pay down the debt?

Rubio: I reject the premise - we must
cut taxes to grow the economy and
then we will have more money which
let us cut more taxes until we are all rich

Gregory: you said you would
never ever run for Vice President

Rubio: yes but that was before I
knew how much Romney would need me

Gregory: have you ever made a
bad decision that would disqualify
from ever being President

Rubio: making politics a career

Gregory: why did you leave the Mormon church

Rubio: I’m a politician - no one’s going
to vote for a freaking Mormon in Florida!

Gregory: you’re young and
vaguely ethnic like Obama

Rubio: he is so fucking cool

Gregory: indeed

Rubio: its so sad - Obama could have
elevated America and instead became just
another politician letting people heckle him

Gregory: when will you run for President?

Rubio: In six years

Gregory: Biggie Smalls or Tupac?

Rubio: I’m West Coast all the way baby

Gregory: who is more popular Romney
Obama or Lebron James

Rubio: are those my only choices

Gregory: yes

Rubio: the black guy

Gregory: thanks for coming

[ break ]

Gregory: welcome Darrell - you want to hold
Eric Holder in contempt

Issa: I need Holder’s e-mails to prove
he engaged in a cover-up

Gregory: the Bush administration
started a gun sharing program

Issa: Bush shut it down

Gregory: because there were indictments!

Issa: see how honorable they were!

Gregory: the documents you want
aren’t about the program - they are
about how they reacted to your investigation

Issa: we need answers

Gregory: to what?

Issa: to our questions!

Gregory: about what?

Issa: the cover-up!

Gregory: what cover-up?

Issa: of their plan to send guns to
criminals to make the NRA look bad!

Richardson: it seems like this is all political

Issa: Obama is just like Nixon!

Martin: Boehner doesn’t like this but
he always folds to the Tea Party

Issa: I didn’t want this fight - I really
wanted to impeach Obama over
his birth certificate

Mitchell: politics in Washington -
who would ever have thought?

Gregory: what about immigration?

Richardson: Obama created
two million Hispanic jobs

Gregory: wow

Richardson: and not just in landscaping!

Gregory: that’s amazing

Martin: are we going to mass deport
eleven million people?

Issa: sadly probably not

Gregory: so then what should we do

Issa: border control must have real teeth

Gregory: meaning what

Issa: Vampire Border Guards

Mitchell: Marco Rubio is whining but
he still won’t say what his plan is or
might be or could be

Gregory: Romney is vetting
potential Vice Presidents

[ Romney on tape: ]
even that Cuban guy what’s
his name Margeaux

Martin: Romney is determined not
to repeat the mistake that rhymes
with Sarah Palin

Gregory: who should he choose?

Richardson: why not Rubio - at least
he’s interesting and the others are boring

Mitchell: what about choosing
the most qualified person

Issa: that’s crazy enough to work

Martin: Romney will make a
Management Consult decision

Issa: that will optimize the
platform going forward

Martin: I hear buzz about Condi Rice!

Issa: she was a disaster!

Martin: or also Rubio

Issa: Jack Kemp was going to
be chosen and then he wasn’t

Audience: and then he was

Gregory: Is Paul Ryan radioactive?

Issa: President Obama said
Paul Ryan had great budget ideas

Gregory: he did?

Issa: I have a subpoena out to prove it!

Richardson: he will choose the
person who will help him win - period

Issa: well then who will Obama choose ha ha ha

Biden, bursts into studio:
Hey Darrell - you know what’s a really
big fucking deal? My fist!
[ punches Darrell Issa ]

Issa: ow Joe you broke my nose

Biden: don’t cross me car-stealing motherfucker!

Mitchell: the possibility overturning
the health care law is a huge
defeat for Barack Obama

Gregory: what about will happen

Issa: Republicans will have to quickly
scramble to put the popular things in
Obamacare back into law

Gregory: you people like the benefits of
health insurance without having to buy it

Issa: yes - who knew?

Martin: progressive hate Obama
but if the court strikes the health care law
they may rally around him

Gregory: what a denoument

Martin: but of course it would be another
rebuke for Obama just like when he ruined
America’s credit rating

Gregory: Romney is raising a hella lot of cash

Mitchell: Mitt knows how to raise money
for doing nothing - it’s what he does

Issa: so we should elect him President -
Romney will get bankers and corporations
to pay America’s bills

Gregory: in exchange for what?

Issa: we can let them own Washington DC

Richardson: that ship has sailed

Gregory: and that’s another episode
of Meet The Press


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