Sunday, April 01, 2012

April 1, 2012
Host: Savannah Guthrie and Joe Scarborough
Guests: Rick Santorum
Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY)
Harold Ford, Jr.
Mika Brzezinski
Tom Friedman
David Brooks
Jon Meacham

Guthrie: OMG Wisconsin may finally
push Rich Santorum out of the race

Guthrie: welcome Frothy

Santorum: thanks Savannah

Guthrie: why should people vote for you?

Santorum: I’m a blue collar guy who happens
to earn a million dollars a year as a lobbyist
in Washington D.C.

Guthrie: I see

Santorum: it’s amazing that I have not
dropped out considering everyone hates me

Guthrie: will you drop out when you lose Wisconsin?

Santorum: This primary is like David vs Goliath
if Goliath was a rich unprincipled robot and
David was a unpopular repressed weirdo

Guthrie: you’re not even winning in your home state

Santorum: I don’t expect to win the Beltway

Guthrie: I mean the commonwealth
of Pennsylvania

Santorum: Oh that place

Guthrie: you literally can’t win the nomination

Santorum: a lot of the delegates are unbound
which is sounds kinky but is awesome

Guthrie: why are you still running?

Santorum: most Republicans want a conservative
and I’m all they have left

Guthrie: even Marco Rubio thinks you could
wreck the party’s chances in the fall

Santorum: we chose the most electable nominee
in 2008 and John McCain got killed against Obama

Guthrie: so when will you drop out or are just insane

Santorum: Republicans will have more money
in the fall if I stay in the race

Guthrie: really?

Santorum: only one incumbent Democrat has
lost to a GOP challenger and that was Jimmy Carter
and I people thought was Reagan racist and stupid
which is what people say about me too

Guthrie: you make excellent points Frothy

Santorum: Mitt Romney authored a government
takeover of health care!

Guthrie: all the party genius party elders like
Jeb Bush and Marco Rubio have endorsed Romney

Santorum: those guys are idiots

Guthrie: aren’t you a member of the Establishment?

Santorum: no I was a bomb-throwing
U.S. Senator challenging those who opposed
coal and oil companies

Guthrie: I see

Santorum: I fought for the little guy from
my office on K Street

[ break ]

Guthrie: Senator are you going to make
news this morning!?!

Johnson: yes I am endorsing Mitt Romney
because he has great business experience

Guthrie: squeeeee!!

Johnson: Obama knows nothing!

Guthrie: so you really like Romney

Johnson: no I hate him - my endorsement
is just a recognition that Romney has
the most delegates

Guthrie: I see

Johnson: Barack Obama has failed to
cut Social Security!

Guthrie: OMG the Supreme Court is going
to overturn Obamacare!

Schumer: that’s crapola Guthry

Guthrie: is it

Schumer: Justice Scalia said the federal
government can regulate medical marijuana
just because potheads iz bad!

Guthrie: It looks like you might lose Kennedy’s
support for the Administration action

Schumer: it wasn’t just the Administration silly person

Guthrie: but the Commerce Clause prevents
the government from operating

Schumer: guns near schools don’t affect
interstate commerce

Guthrie: but how could a Con Law Professor
President get it so wrong

Schumer: every conservative justice has upheld
the law and by the way the mandate has always
been a conservative idea

Guthrie: Solicitor General Verrilli drank water
during his argument so the entire health care
system must be changed

Schumer: if you don’t buy broccoli you
don’t change the market for food

Guthrie: you said health law would be
popular and you got it wrong

Schumer: no I didn’t

Guthrie: but some people would like
it repealed in part

Schumer: what the holy fuck does that mean

Guthrie: I don’t know

Guthrie: Will Mitt Romney be the nominee?

Schumer: I hope so because he endorsed the
Ryan plan which would destroy the
nation as we know it

Guthrie: thanks for coming you unpopular idiot

Schumer: you’re welcome you stupid bint

[ break ]

Scarborough: Tom I heard you talked
to a taxi driver in New Zealand

Friedman: America has lost the ability
to do big things

Scarborough: so tragic

Friedman: Democracy creates Rube Goldberg
unperfect things

Scarborough: why don’t Americans
love Obamacare?

Friedman: because Obama doesn’t
explain the merits of the law

Brzezinski: people made fun of the
oral arguments ha ha ha

Brooks: the mandate violates fundamental liberty

Ford: the mandate is a Republican idea!

Brooks: I love the mandate and we are all
in this together so towns and villages should
each have their solution to health care

Meacham: we have judicial review because
of the French Revolution

Scarborough: isn’t Obama a loser

Meacham: yes he is

Scarborough: what about Mitt Romney

Ford: he is also a loser

Scarborough: could Obama run against
an activist court?

Ford: why not

Scarborough: 50% of peope dislike Mitt Romney

Friedman: only because people are
getting to know him

Meacham: Obama is another Jimmy Carter!

Scarborough: sing me more of that sweet music Jon

Brzezinski: Mitt Romney seems like an
unprincipled rich out-of-touch jerk which
is not fair because he is not a jerk

Brooks: some of his beach houses
don’t have carelevators

Brooks: Donald Trump and the Kennedys
charmed people even though they were rich

Brooks: Romney just need to hang out with
Sam’s Club Republicans for three months

Meacham: unlike FDR or JFK Mitt Romney
is an impersonal unemotional dork

Meacham: Ronald Reagan said
"the camera never lies”

Ford: but he was lying

Brzezinski: true

Scarborough: Obama went after oil companies

Friedman: the world is getting like Albuquerque
- hot flat and crowded

Scarborough: ha

Friedman: we should raise gas taxes
which make Americans embrace solar energy
and the metric system

Scarborough: Harold you want Obama to work
with energy companies and stop attacking
our adorable algae making oil barons

Brzezinski: are you fucking serious Harold

Ford: we must applaud our wonderful
free market oil companies

Brzezinski: what a joke you are

Scarborough: Tom please tell the aboriginals
in New Zealand we found the only conservative
Democrat in America on Meet The Press

[ painful laughter ]

Scarborough: and that’ another episode of Meet The Press


1 comment:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Too bad One L dropped out, it was even more fun.